Chapter 4 Bad news at noon

When Ba Jin returned home, he found that his daughter had already prepared lunch. He sat at the table and picked up the rice bowl, but he was thinking about how to rush to Zhongshan Hospital as soon as possible to deliver lunch to Xiao Shan.Ba Jin couldn't eat, the rice in his mouth was like chewing wax, and he was always thinking about Xiao Shan who had just had the operation for six days.This morning he found that Xiao Shan was still in a state of confusion.When he was feeding her, he saw that his wife's physique had not recovered after the operation, and he felt very sad.Ba Jin was secretly regretting that he had failed to fulfill his responsibilities as a husband. If he hadn't gone to Fengxian Cadre School, perhaps his wife's illness would have been diagnosed and cured long ago, but the delay turned out to be at an advanced stage.

Ba Jin sat blankly at the dinner table, thinking about his own thoughts, and felt very sad when he thought of Xiao Shan's illness. He returned to Shanghai in late July. When Ba Jin returned to his home on Wukang Road in Shanghai, his heart suddenly tightened.He stood there for a long time under the scorching sun, fine beads of sweat had already formed between the gray hair.The more Ba Jin thought about Xiao Shan's illness, the less he dared to meet her.He didn't know how to explain his reason for returning to Shanghai after meeting Xiao Shan, because the time since the last time he returned to Shanghai was too short.He knew that the reason why his beloved wife's illness was successfully diagnosed this time was all thanks to the help of his daughter, son-in-law, son and several relatives and friends. Get a clear diagnosis and treatment.

Ba Jin learned from a letter written by his son that after he left, his son-in-law and daughter found a car to take Xiao Shan to Zhongshan Hospital several times under extremely difficult circumstances. Quickly draw a clear conclusion: colon cancer is advanced, and the cancer has spread under the skin!In other words, Xiao Shan's long-term high fever was caused by the raging cancer cells.Now Xiao Shan's condition has been diagnosed, but to Ba Jin's disappointment is that the cancer is almost terminal! The whole family still keeps a "secret" from Xiao Shan. When Xiao Shan didn't know what disease he was suffering from, he suddenly came back from the cadre school. What was the reason?Ba Jin thought for a long time under the scorching sun, and finally he said: "No matter what reason I find, I can't say that I went home because of her illness! Then, how can her spirit bear it?"

"Ah, why are you back?" As expected by Ba Jin, as soon as he walked into the house, Xiao Shan who was lying on the bed sat up suddenly, and her sunken eyes suddenly shone brightly. of light.For a moment, all the diseases in Xiao Shan's body seemed to disappear with Ba Jin's return.Her complexion also became better, and the pale lips showed a tinge of blood again. Xiao Shan wanted to get out of bed impulsively, but she was already protected by her daughter and son. "Ah, it's like this. There is a material in the cadre school that I need to write, but in the environment of the cadre school, I can't write the materials, so... I was allowed to go back to Shanghai to write...." Ba Jin never The honest people who have lied, especially those who have been with Xiao Shan for decades, have always been in love with each other, and the couple have never had anything to say.Now that's all he can do, and he looks a little embarrassed after telling a lie.But Ba Jin still seemed very happy, and hurried to his wife's bed, bent over and found that she was thinner than when she came back a month ago.

"Really? That's good, it's good that you can come back!" Xiao Shan believed his words completely. She knew that Ba Jin was a person who would never tell a half-truth in his life, although she wondered whether the "Worker Propaganda Team" would let a "Old Ninth" also felt a little puzzled when writing materials, but Xiao Shan didn't want to think about it at all.She only hoped that Ba Jin would come back from Fengxian one day soon, even if he never became a writer, even if his family lived in poverty, it would be a rare happiness to be by her side. Ba Jin quietly waited in front of his wife's bed.It was very late at night, and the surroundings were quiet. During the day, the loudspeaker outside the dormitory had stopped, and the people falling asleep would never disturb Xiao Shan, who was seriously ill.But Ba Jin didn't feel sleepy at all. He knew that his wife's condition was getting worse day by day.Death was approaching her step by step.

Long before he returned to Shanghai from Fengxian Cadre School, his daughter, son-in-law, son and other relatives and friends were already busy with Xiao Shan's cancer surgery.Due to the political situation at that time, it was obviously impossible to enter a large hospital like Huashan. Later, through the concerted efforts of relatives and friends, I found many ways up and down, and finally contacted Zhongshan Hospital for surgery.Now everything is ready, just waiting for the bed.Then Xiao Shan can be admitted to the hospital.Thinking that his wife's illness would improve greatly after the operation, Ba Jin suddenly felt hopeful.

After Xiao Shan was admitted to Zhongshan Hospital, Ba Jin rushed from his home on Wukang Road to the hospital every day.He was there with her, and he would be happy with Xiao Shan.Sometimes the two looked at each other silently in the ward. Although it was inconvenient for them to talk in front of their fellow patients, Ba Jin still felt a touch of warmth. Seeing his wife suffering from cancer, Ba Jin felt a piercing pain in his heart.He had no money in his hand, and he didn't have any way to help Xiao Shan get out of the predicament. He just wanted to stay in front of her hospital bed for a while longer.Ba Jin could only talk to distract Xiao Shan from her pain.He preached to his wife: "Yunzhen, in fact, everyone is destined to deal with pain when they are born. You may know that in the spring of the 12th year of the Republic of China, I picked a life in the hail of bullets. I left my home in Chengdu. When we got to the river, it was my eldest brother who sent us to the wooden boat. He said goodbye to us with tears. How much sorrow did I have at that time? I really thought of death! But when I think of my family in recent years life, the pain in my heart disappeared, because I didn't have any nostalgia for that old family at all. So I left home just like throwing off a terrible shadow. Your current illness is the same, as long as you grit your teeth It's made it through..."

Xiao Shan didn't speak, she gritted her teeth to overcome the severe pain, she understood her husband's mood.She knew that no one could completely free her from the pain at present, and Ba Jin's words gave her a lot of strength virtually. Ba Jin was still murmuring by her bedside: "Yunzhen, as for my home, my sorrow is only because there are still a few people I love moaning in it, waiting to be slaughtered by those old traditional concepts. In the past few decades, I have buried many corpses with tears. Those are unnecessary sacrifices, completely killed by corrupt traditional concepts and the whim of two or three people. An ideal is fascinated ahead My eyes, I left Chengdu, where I lived for twelve years, because I had the courage. At that time, I was influenced by the New Culture Movement, participated in social movements, founded a new publication, and wrote Two short sentences are my goal in life: 'struggle is life, and life is only progress'. Now your illness is the same as the difficulties I encountered in the past, Yunzhen, as long as you grit your teeth and persevere, you will be cured."

Xiao Shan was moved, she is a woman with rich feelings and sincerity.She knows how to deal with her illness. Xiao Shan knew that at that time, most people from the cultural circles in Shanghai had gone to Fengxian Cadre School to do heavy physical labor, but it was a rare opportunity for Ba Jin to be able to accompany her every day in Zhongshan Hospital.Although Xiao Shan's condition was not optimistic, Ba Jin learned from the doctor after admission that Xiao Shan's cancer had spread from the intestines to the internal organs. What made him sad to hear was that the cancer cells had invaded his wife's liver.

"I beg you to operate on her. I believe in science. As long as the cancer is removed, I believe she will overcome the difficulties." Ba Jin saw that the doctor did not report any hope for Xiao Shan's condition, so he acted as a relative of the patient. Seek each other hard.Finally, his spirit moved the doctors, and they decided to perform a major operation on Xiao Shan who was in critical condition.Ba Jin remembered that on the morning of August 8, he came to the ward early in the morning and saw the nurses carrying Xiao Shan, who was extremely sick and thin, onto the operating cart, and then pushed the white operating cart from the corridor in front of the ward to the hospital. In the elevator room, he was closely following his wife.He saw Xiao Shan's consciousness was clear, and a cold little hand tightly held the accompanying Ba Jin.

Ba Jin looked at the pale face covered under the snow-white veil.He felt that Xiao Shan had indeed changed her appearance, which reminded him of her past, how lively, plump and tall Xiao Shan was when she was young, but now she was shriveled weakly and thinly on the operating cart.Ba Jin knew exactly what going to the operating room meant to her.But he couldn't show any sentimentality in front of his wife.As a writer who has expressed his feelings with pen for many years, Ba Jin's heart is full of deep pain.But he didn't allow himself to send his wife into the elevator with a sentimental look.Ba Jin quietly approached his wife, leaned over and whispered in her ear: "Yunzhen, don't be afraid of anything. With me here, you can rest assured. Believe that modern medicine can cure any disease. With me here, you will be able to cure any disease." You should be relieved." "I'm not afraid. With you outside, what else is there to be afraid of?" Xiao Shan had tears in her eyes, and she tried her best to control her emotions, showing a pretended relaxed smile on her face.When she found that the nurses had pushed the operating trolley into the elevator, Xiao Shan held Ba Jin's hand tightly again. "Don't worry, I'm waiting for your news outside the door of the operating room!" Ba Jin saw that the two doors of the elevator finally closed slowly, so he withdrew his hand.Watching the elevator rising slowly, it finally disappeared from his field of vision.At this time, Ba Jin was crying again. After Xiao Shan's operation, Ba Jin found that his wife's condition did not improve as quickly as expected, but she fell into a coma from time to time.The severe pain was always accompanied by Xiao Shan.This made Ba Jin's heart very painful. He hated himself for not being able to replace her. He could only run from home to the hospital ward again and again to visit his wife or deliver meals to Xiao Shan.Ba Jin hoped that his wife would increase her nutrition after the operation, but things backfired. Xiao Shan's physical condition was not as good as ever after the major operation.Sometimes he and his daughter had to take the meals home untouched. On the morning of August 13, Xiao Shan did not eat again.So Ba Jin's heart is very heavy.He wondered if Xiao Shan could eat some when the lunch was delivered again?How much he hoped that his wife could recover as soon as possible on the sick bed?Even if she lived for a few more years, even if she only lived for a year or so, it would be a great comfort to Ba Jin.He knew that since the day he married her, he had closely linked his life with Xiao Shan. He understands that it is impossible to lack Xiao Shan in his life.Especially in this special age, as long as Xiao Shan is at home, Ba Jin can rest assured to go to Fengxian Cadre School.Even if there are still ice knives and frost swords in front of him, and heavy and insurmountable physical labor, as long as Xiao Shan is alive, he will live tenaciously. "Phone!" Just as Ba Jin was in a daze at the dining table and lost in thought, suddenly the phone rang sharply.Ba Jin's heart tightened. What he was most afraid of these days was listening to the phone. Whenever he got a phone call, he would think of his wife who was being treated in the hospital.If Xiao Shan was safe, the hospital wouldn't call. On the contrary, if there was a call at this time, there must be something urgent. "Father..." Just as Ba Jin stood up in disbelief and was about to go to the living room to answer the phone, there was a burst of hurried footsteps.He hurriedly turned around, only to find that his daughter was standing in front of the restaurant with a pale face, and there were still tears in her eyes.The daughter seemed to have unspeakable distress to tell her father, but for some reason the daughter swallowed back what she wanted to say.I just said to him in a loud voice: "Mom, she..." "Tell me, your mother...what's wrong?" Ba Jin's expression changed suddenly.He suddenly had a terrible premonition that something was wrong with his wife who was being treated in the hospital.However, even though this ominous prediction was about to be confirmed, Ba Jin still found it difficult to accept the harsh and ruthless reality, and he murmured: "No, she won't..." However, the daughter still had to tell him the worst news: Mother Xiao Shan had passed away in Zhongshan Hospital just now! "What? She has already gone...?" Ba Jin seemed to have been hit by a bolt from the blue suddenly, and he was suddenly stunned by the unexpected news.The old man's heart seemed to stop beating suddenly. The great writer who had written articles for half his life, at this moment all the emotions condensed in his chest turned into pain.He couldn't believe and accept this heartbreaking news. When she came out of the hospital just now, Xiao Shan was still awake.He remembered that Xiao Shan was still looking at him with concern when he was leaving the ward.At that time, Ba Jin never thought that Xiao Shan would let go and return home in a few hours.If he knew that she would leave him so suddenly, then Ba Jin would stay by her side all the time. "Dad, Dad..." Ba Jin could no longer bear the harsh reality that fell from the sky.In the first half of Ba Jin's life, Xiao Shan was the one he missed the most.He didn't know how he would face his old age without Xiao Shan in this family in the future?Therefore, when Ba Jin realized from his heart that Xiao Shan had indeed left him, he could no longer hold on.His foot slipped, and the old man suddenly fell down like an old tree that couldn't support under the heavy rain and wind.He threw himself on the floor and didn't get up for a while!