Chapter 3 Dying without relatives

Xiao Shan fell into a coma shortly after Ba Jin left the hospital. In her dream, she seemed to walk into a magical world, which was Suzhou with small bridges and flowing water.Xiao Shan still remembers that it was the second summer when she met Ba Jin, and she first came to this paradise on earth that she had dreamed of for a long time.Although Suzhou is only an hour's drive from Shanghai, Xiao Shan, who is studying at Patriotic Girls' Middle School, has never had the opportunity to visit Suzhou. At this time, Chen Yunzhen already had the nickname of Xiao Shan.Originally, her surname was not Xiao, so why did she choose another name?It turned out that in Chen Yunzhen's girls' high school, there were three pretty good girls, and Chen Yunzhen was the youngest of the three sisters, commonly known as "little three".As a result, the barking became more frequent, and someone persuaded Chen Yunzhen to change her name to "Xiao Shan" with the homonym of "Xiao San".Even so, the serious Ba Jin still called his 12-year-old girlfriend Chen Yunzhen!

"Yunzhen, this is the Suzhou garden you yearn for. Have you never been to Chengdu? We also have such a garden in our hometown." Xiao Shan still remembers that it was a sunny summer morning. My colleague Jin Yi and others were invited to Suzhou for a day trip. At that time, Xiao Shan and Ba Jin had become friends who talked about everything.In the eyes of Jin Yi and others, she was already Ba Jin's fiancée who had not entered the wedding hall, so when everyone was about to go to Suzhou for a holiday that day, Jin Yi and other friends tried their best to encourage Ba Jin to say: "We Everyone’s opinion is, why don’t you just take your girlfriend from Ningbo to Suzhou, so that we can all get to know each other?”

Ba Jin was in a difficult situation at the time.Of course he knew that this was a rare opportunity for Xiao Shan to visit Suzhou together, but he was too embarrassed to offer it.Because he is the editor-in-chief of Shanghai Cultural Life Publishing House, how could he invite a female student who is not a publishing house to go to Suzhou with everyone? "There's nothing embarrassing about it, Brother Li. If one more person goes to Suzhou, it won't cause trouble for the travel agency. They just hope that we will go to some more people, so as to give them a publicity." Friends from the publishing house are like this seven times Ba Jin was tempted at last by the instigation, and then he called his girlfriend Xiao Shan out of the school.Xiao Shan has always remembered the scene of that day for many years. When she heard that Ba Jin was going to take her on a tour of Suzhou, she was so happy that she almost jumped up, and she couldn't help but shed tears. Xiao Shan just said: "Great, great! All right!"

Prior to this, the contact between Xiao Shan and Ba Jin still remained at the level of drinking coffee, chatting or going for a walk in Shanghai Park every Sunday.The relationship between her and him is completely pure, and it was only during the process of getting in touch with Ba Jin that Xiao Shan deeply understood that Brother Li is a true gentleman. At that time, Ba Jin's novel was being serialized in Shanghai's famous "Times".It has attracted the interest of thousands of readers, especially boys and girls in school.In Xiao Shan's mind, Ba Jin had already become the most famous writer in Shanghai at that time. However, in her contact with him, she found that Ba Jin was not at all influenced by the sensational effect caused by being a household name in Shanghai.He is always so modest, even if talking to any new readers, Xiao Shan found that Ba Jin is also so modest.This is why she quickly developed from an ordinary reader to a close friend who can talk to him.

After arriving in the beautiful Suzhou, Xiao Shan felt that the hustle and bustle of Shanghai was unbearable.Although the streets in Shanghai are a bit narrow, the houses with white walls and black tiles, as well as the river flowing around the houses, have a special charm of water town gardens.The small stone bridges on the river are especially refreshing for this girl who has just come to Suzhou.Xiao Shan never thought that there would be a paradise on earth so close to Shanghai. When visiting the Humble Administrator's Garden with everyone, Ba Jin was more like a big brother. He told Xiao Shan the history of this three-entry courtyard with winding paths and secluded courtyards, and took her to take a group photo with the rockery in front of the corridor. Take a souvenir.Xiao Shan has gradually developed a sense of trust in her relationship with Brother Li, and Ba Jin has become a reliable spiritual pillar in the heart of this middle school girl.

During Xiao Shan's time with Ba Jin, once, on behalf of all the teachers and students of the Patriotic Girls' High School, she went to the Cultural Life Publishing House to kindly invite Ba Jin to give a lecture in their school.But this time, she didn't expect that Ba Jin would refuse her because he could only speak with the "mouth" of his pen, but he was extremely bad at speaking in public.At that time, Xiao Shan was very disappointed. She never expected that a great writer who wrote a thousand words would not dare to give a speech at her school. Ba Jin looked at the aggrieved Xiao Shan, and suddenly realized that his refusal had hurt the girl's heart.He knew that the reason why this little sister came to the publishing house to invite him was obviously out of trust.This is a vivid manifestation of Xiao Shan's trust in him after they drank tea in "Xinya". Wishes come.

"Well, Yunzhen, it's true that I can't give a speech, but I can invite a writer who is good at speeches for your school. It's always okay, right?" Ba Jin thought for a while, and finally came up with an idea.Only then did Xiao Shan show a delighted smile, and said, "A writer who is good at speeches, who is he?" "When the time comes, you will know that he is more famous than me." On the day of the lecture at Patriotic Girls' High School, it turned out to be another Shanghai writer, Mr. Li Jianwu, who appeared on the podium.Li Jianwu was obviously good at speeches, and he spoke eloquently, but after all, the female students hoped that Ba Jin, who wrote novels, would also come to their Patriotic Middle School, but Ba Jin still refused to obey.From this little incident, Xiao Shan can also see how big brother Li is.He is not the kind of person who likes to show his face and talk big.Perhaps it was Ba Jin's modest and prudent style that really won Xiao Shan's admiration for him from the bottom of his heart.

The small river is quiet and the blue waves are rippling.A small boat breaks away from the mirror-like calm river and paddles towards the small bridge with the sound of the water. Ba Jin and his girlfriend Xiao Shan are sitting on the boat.Jin Yihe and his colleagues in the publishing house tactfully avoided it. Everyone had long hoped that Brother Li, who had worked with them for many years, could really seriously solve the marriage problem that had been elusive for many years this time.Everyone knows that over the years, Ba Jin has devoted almost all of his energy to writing and editing, which he has been obsessed with for many years, and has no time to think about personal issues.

However, colleagues in the publishing house have long been looking forward to the day when he has a girlfriend.Now everyone is finally delighted to find that beside Ba Jin, there appears from time to time the figure of a fresh and pretty female student.This time, everyone urged Ba Jin to take his new girlfriend with him in every possible way, and their intention was to facilitate this good deed. "Mr. Li, Suzhou is so beautiful. Since I was a child, I heard from my mother that Suzhou is the world of the rich. No wonder there are so many exquisite gardens." Xiao Shan saw Ba Jin sitting on the bow of the boat, struggling to shake the oar, and she was very happy. Sit in the stern.She and Ba Jin were reflected in the clear river water. Xiao Shan looked at the reflection in the water and chatted with him happily.

"Suzhou is beautiful, and it is a kind of happiness for people to come to this beautiful place." Ba Jin struggled to paddle because he is a writer after all.After a while, sweat was already on his head, Xiao Shan hurriedly came over to wipe the sweat off his head.Ba Jin asked her to sit beside him, looking at the blue river flowing slowly under the boat, and told her the story of his past: "When I went to study in Paris alone in the early years, my favorite place was the Seine River. I always thought of the river. I went up to row a boat, but someone told me that rowing on the Seine River is not allowed, because the water is very fast. If people row a boat on the river, they may fall into the water, so I have never realized my desire to row a boat on the Seine River.”

Xiao Shan looked at him with wide and beautiful eyes, seemingly unwilling: "Mr. Li, so you can only watch the Seine River from the riverside?" Ba Jin smiled: "Of course I wouldn't do that. Although I can't row a boat on the Seine River, I swam in that river for a day and a night." "one day one Night?" "Yes, I boarded a passenger ship from Paris to visit the Seine River." Ba Jin looked at the beautiful Xiao Shan and told her about his experience in France: "You haven't seen that ancient river, of course you don't know it. It is so beautiful. We followed this river to the north, and soon we arrived at the famous Normandy. After arriving there, the river valley gradually opened up, which made me feel as if I had come to the banks of the Yellow River. There I saw another river , it is the Marne River flowing from the east, of course, the most spectacular view is when we arrived at the port of Rouen, where I disembarked and took the train back to Paris." Xiao Shan said, "How is your life in France?" Ba Jin said: "France is a place I cannot forget. In the spring of 1927, I lived on the fifth floor of a small apartment in the Latin Quarter of Paris, in a room full of gas and onion smells. At that time, I was lonely, I was suffering, and in the room where the sun was hard to shine, I missed my motherland, and of course I missed my relatives in Sichuan. At that time, a struggle between revolution and counter-revolution was going on in my motherland, and the people were suffering bloody Massacre. I wanted to join the revolution in France too. I remember that at that time there was a movement in Paris to rescue two Italian workers, N. Sacco and B. Vanzetti, who were falsely accused of theft Murderers have been imprisoned on death row in Boston, Massachusetts, USA for six years. Posters of 'lectures' and 'protests' held to rescue them are posted everywhere on the streets I often walk. I read the so-called ' In the "Autobiography" of Fan Zaidi, one of the prisoners, there are words like this: "I hope that every family has a house, everyone has bread, every heart is educated, and everyone's wisdom has the opportunity to develop." ’ I was very excited, Fan Zaidi said what was in my heart.” "Really?" Xiao Shan seemed to follow Ba Jin's narration and came to Paris and the beautiful Seine River.But she quickly got rid of the realm Ba Jin created for herself, and said: "Mr. Li, although Paris is good, it is not my country. I still think our Suzhou is better. You see, there are so many small rivers. The houses are all hidden in a deep mist, I think, there is nothing more beautiful than our Suzhou, right?" Ba Jin nodded and said: "Yunzhen, you are right. The world is so big. I have traveled a lot in Europe before. Why did I come back? It is because I cannot leave my motherland!" That trip to Suzhou deepened the girls' understanding of Ba Jin.The beautiful paradise and the beautiful scenery made her have beautiful associations from the bottom of her heart.Xiao Shan remembered that after returning to Shanghai with Ba Jin from Suzhou, her relationship with him was finally made public. Sometimes Xiao Shan’s beautiful figure will appear in the Cultural Life Publishing House where Ba Jin is the editor-in-chief; sometimes she will invite Ba Jin to drink coffee in a small coffee shop on Nanjing Road in Shanghai; sometimes she will accompany him for a stroll on the Bund, looking at Huangpu Jiang’s tide ebbs and flows; sometimes she and he would come to the small attic where Ba Jin stayed overnight on Xiangyang Road, talking about literature under the faint light, and commenting on Ba Jin’s new works and works that he was planning to write. Of course, sometimes under the influence of Ba Jin, Xiao Shan would bring the manuscripts she wrote in her spare time to the young writer for correction.Perhaps because of Ba Jin's influence, Xiao Shan published her first novel "Inside the Hospital for Wounded Soldiers" in a Shanghai literary magazine called "Beacon Fire". Only Xiao Shan herself knows how this manuscript was formed. It was written by her personal experience as a student of the Patriotic Girls’ High School when she went to the front line where the artillery was raging during the Songhu Anti-Japanese War to comfort the anti-Japanese soldiers of our army.At that time, although the girl was very interested in writing, once she was really asked to put her feelings into writing, Xiao Shan was still full of fear from the bottom of her heart. "Yunzhen, why don't you boldly write out what is in your heart?" Ba Jin, who had taught Xiao Shan when she was practicing writing, comforted the young girl who was wandering on the literary alley with the tone of a experienced and successful person: "Anyone None of them are natural writers. Most of the people who write things are people with rich emotions. From my point of view, your emotional background is quite rich. Turning everything you feel into lines of words, this is A writing process. Of course, what is written on paper does not necessarily have to be published. Even words that cannot be published are sometimes a kind of spiritual achievement!" "Really?" Her tone was always so tender and affectionate.Xiao Shan listened quietly all the time when he was talking, sometimes she would put her index finger in her mouth and suck gently, and quietly lowered her head and swayed from side to side, and her big black eyes would inadvertently He looked at Ba Jin and the scenery behind him for a while. "Yunzhen, as long as you have the courage, you will also be able to write in the future. Of course, your English skills are also very good. If you don't want to write novels, you can also translate foreign literature in the future. However, what I worry about is your will... " "My will...? Sir, isn't my will tough?" She looked at him a little blankly.Seeing that Ba Jin didn't speak anymore, Xiao Shan's expression suddenly became serious, and she said: "Please watch it, sir, please trust me, I will work hard..." Since then, Xiao Shan really began to quietly practice writing in her spare time. After "In the Hospital for the Wounded" became typeface, the girl's confidence in writing became more persistent.Soon, she wrote many novels and essays, such as "Blood Stained on the Huangpu River" and "Soldiers" and so on.Ba Jin was very happy about this, because he not only saw the girl's talent from Xiao Shan's essays, but also saw that she was a very plastic girl. "Since she is willing to endure hardship, I believe she will have a bright future..." Ba Jin said to himself in his heart. ... Xiao Shan was still falling into a deep sleep. Entering the ward of Zhongshan Hospital for treatment, especially in the few days after the operation, Xiao Shan's already weak body suddenly became weaker.In the dream at night, she would wake up from the dream from time to time with the constant sharp pain from the incision in her abdomen. As long as Xiao Shan regained consciousness for a moment, she would think of him in her heart.Xiao Shan felt that the person who was once her spiritual support would soon part with her.Thinking of breaking up, she couldn't help crying. Xiao Shan still didn't know what kind of disease she was suffering from, but she had faintly realized that her illness was more or less fatal from the fact that Ba Jin hurried back to Shanghai from Fengxian Cadre School.Especially Ba Jin would come to sit in front of her hospital bed for a while every morning, and sometimes he would not leave until lunchtime. Xiao Shan felt that her illness was serious.What made Xiao Shan unbearable was that when she was first admitted to the hospital, for unknown reasons, the hospital never advocated performing surgery on her.She knew that even if the cancer was at an advanced stage, as long as there was a glimmer of hope, the doctor would still have to operate. Could it be that she really contracted an incurable terminal disease? Finally one day, Ba Jin came to her bed with a sense of melancholy, and hesitantly said to her, "Yunzhen, the doctor talked to me just now, and the hospital agreed to perform an operation on you immediately!..." "Really?" Xiao Shan remembered that tears welled up in her eyes.She felt nervous for a while. She didn't know why the doctors didn't advocate surgery for her at the beginning, why Ba Jin came to the hospital this time and changed the hospital's mind.Is it because my condition is not serious, or because of Ba Jin's repeated persuasion that finally moved the doctor?However, the clever Xiao Shan still faintly noticed from her husband's expression that her last moment was coming.Thinking of the thirty years of love between her and Ba Jin, Xiao Shan suddenly grabbed his hand tightly, and after a long while, she only uttered one sentence: "It seems that we are going to part ways!..." Ba Jin was startled, quickly covered her mouth and said, "Yunzhen, no, I won't..." Xiao Shan is a woman with a weak appearance but a tough heart, she quickly controlled her nervousness, and a sad smile appeared on her face, she thought for a long time on the bed, then suddenly asked Ba Jin, "How is Tangtang? " Ba Jin was taken aback, he knew why Xiao Shan suddenly asked about their son Li Xiaotang again at this moment.The youngest son, who was jumping in the queue in the countryside, asked for leave and returned to Shanghai when he was shocked to learn that his mother was seriously ill.It was with the joint efforts of Xiaotang, her sister, brother-in-law and relatives and friends that Xiao Shan was admitted to Zhongshan Hospital for treatment.But what saddened Ba Jin and his family was that shortly after Xiao Shan was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer, Xiao Tang was diagnosed with hepatitis by the doctor at the same time.Ba Jin knew that his son's illness at this time must have a lot to do with Xiao Shan's illness, because no one would be more distressed by Xiaotang's mother's illness than Xiaotang.But now Xiaotang is isolated and treated by the hospital precisely because of this disease.Seeing Xiao Shan's inquisition, Ba Jin talked about it all the time, and he refused to tell Xiao Shan about his son's recent situation. He didn't want his sick wife to add more pain and mental pressure. "Don't worry, Tangtang... is fine." "Is Tangtang really all right?" Xiao Shan's nervous mood calmed down a little after hearing Ba Jin's words.As a mother, no one is more worried than Xiao Shan.After Ba Jin left, she lay quietly on the bed alone, facing the light and shadow cast by the fluorescent lamp on the pink wall, thinking about everything she was about to face.Will the surgery succeed?If the operation fails, then she may break up with Ba Jin, who has been in love for most of her life, forever. Xiao Shan misses Ba Jin, her son and daughter, and the house on Wukang Road.That small building was Ba Jin's only home after liberation, and there were two magnolia trees she liked in that secluded courtyard, which were planted by her and him after they moved to their new house in May 1955. of.Two magnolias often add a bit of spring warmth to the small building in the spring sunshine, and occasionally a breeze blows by, blowing the fragrance of magnolia flowers into the window of the small building.Xiao Shan remembered that she often wandered under the magnolia tree in the courtyard in autumn.Sometimes she would sit with Ba Jin under the two big trees to enjoy the coolness in midsummer, but now she is lying quietly in a strange ward, and she does not know if she will return to the apartment at No. 13 Wukang Road to spend the day and night with her family up?Thinking of this, Xiao Shan's eyes were blurred by tears again.