Chapter 2 "13" - A Black Day

The hot summer casts a tall figure on the asphalt road. This is a very thin old man, and his long shadow is moving staggeringly on the road.He was carrying a half-new iron lunch box in his hand, which was empty, only the sound of the spoon colliding with the iron box.He was the writer Ba Jin who had just returned to Shanghai from Fengxian May 7th Cadre School to visit his wife. Ba Jin is 68 years old this year! Just now, he went to Zhongshan Hospital a few stops away from his home again to deliver breakfast to his wife Xiao Shan who had just undergone surgery.Ba Jin has to go home now, because he has to rush back to the hospital after lunch, and he found that his wife's complexion is not good today.An unspeakable panic crept into Ba Jin's heart.

This day is August 13, 1972. For Ba Jin, who studied in France in his early years, he always believed that "13" was an unlucky number.So this morning after he brought Xiao Shan breakfast, he didn't want to leave for a long time, feeling a sense of inseparability in his heart.Whenever he saw his wife's thin and pale face, Ba Jin felt like sinking into icy water.It is obvious that the current Xiao Shan is no longer the Ningbo girl he first met at the "Xinya" restaurant in Shanghai in 1936. To this day, Ba Jin still clearly remembers that it was the spring of 1935, when he was the editor-in-chief of the Cultural Life Publishing House on Fuzhou Road, Shanghai.One day, Ba Jin found a letter from a female student signed "Chen Yunzhen" among the letters written to him by many readers.The address on the envelope seemed to be Shanghai Patriotic Girls' High School.The female student said in the letter that after reading Ba Jin's novel, she was worried about the fate of the characters in the book, so she had the idea of ​​eager to know the background story outside the novel, so she took the liberty to write to the author. sent a letter.

Ba Jin was very interested in Chen Yunzhen's letter, not because the girl asked special questions, but because Chen Yunzhen wrote beautifully, and her concern and worry for the fate of the characters were revealed between the lines.In particular, all kinds of worries she placed on the future situation of the character "Juehui" couldn't help but move Ba Jin's heart.So, he quickly replied a text message to the reader who had never met before.Replying letters to readers is a common thing for Ba Jin, and he soon forgot about it.But Ba Jin didn't expect that shortly thereafter, Chen Yunzhen sent several letters one after another.At that time, Ba Jin was already well-known on the beach in Shanghai because of his novels.However, Ba Jin is a person who does not value fame. He still spares a certain amount of time in the intense editing work, and tries his best to answer every letter from readers. Naturally, every time Chen Yunzhen writes, he will get a reply from Ba Jin.In this way, Chen Yunzhen, who is studying at Patriotic Girls' Middle School, began to walk into the life of this young writer living alone in Shanghai.

"Mr. Li, can we meet? I feel that I have a lot of things in my heart, and I really want to confide in others. But after thinking about it, I think it's better to talk to you. I don't know if my husband agrees to meet with me. One side?..." When the light of early spring in 1936 entered the pavilion where Ba Jin lived temporarily through the window of flowers, the relationship between him and Chen Yunzhen had quietly changed.The female student already knew in the correspondence that Ba Jin, a writer who became famous all over the world for his novel, was originally named Li Yaotang.Therefore, she began to change "Mr. Ba" to "Mr. Li" in her letters.At the same time, she quietly took a step closer to her relationship with a great writer.

The spring day illuminated the letter from the female reader on the table, which Ba Jin remembered he had read last night.After more than a year of correspondence, he already had a good impression of this patriotic middle school girl, but Ba Jin didn't expect that the other party would offer to meet her.Under normal circumstances, Ba Jin doesn't want to meet strangers casually, let alone a girl in her prime.However, when he saw Chen Yunzhen's sincerity in the letter, Ba Jin felt that the other party's kindness could not be refused, so Ba Jin decided to reply to her letter and express his sincerity to her request.

Two days later, Chen Yunzhen's letter was placed on his desk again.The girl told Ba Jin the time and place of the meeting.What made Ba Jin laugh was that this naive and bold girl would choose the place for their first meeting to be on the second floor of "Xinya Hotel".Moreover, in order to prevent Ba Jin from identifying the wrong person when he went to the appointment, she also attached a jade photo of herself to the letter.It was only then that Ba Jin discovered that the female student who had been in correspondence with him for more than a year turned out to be so dignified, beautiful, and delicious.On her round face, there is a pair of charming and delicate big eyes, and the smile in her eyes is undoubtedly sincere and enthusiastic.

The look in Chen Yunzhen's eyes made Ba Jin's heart light up when he saw her face for the first time. He seemed to have seen her somewhere?No, no, Ba Jin recalled it seriously, and felt that he had never seen it before. At the age of 23, he came to Shanghai alone from Chengdu, Sichuan, and soon he traveled across the ocean to Europe. Therefore, Ba Jin had very few opportunities to meet the opposite sex in these years.Adding up and thinking about his own uncomplicated experience, he can be sure that he has never met Chen Yunzhen in the photo.And the sense of deja vu that suddenly appeared in his heart just now, maybe it is a kind of spiritual induction?However, Ba Jin did meet a girl named Chen Yunzhen from this photo.That is to say, from that day on, he and this girl who was studying in Shanghai Patriotic Girls Middle School had a love affair that was endlessly arguing and chaotic.

Chen Yunzhen was later Ba Jin's wife Xiao Shan. "Mr. Li, you came very early. I never expected you to respect the time like this!" Back in time, Ba Jin tried not to look at the harsh reality before him.Ba Jin's stream of consciousness surged tenaciously and persistently in his mind, and he seemed to be back on the second floor of the famous "Xinya" restaurant on North Sichuan Road in Shanghai.Although the old situation has been washed away by decades, it is still very clear. So far, Ba Jin still clearly remembers that that morning, he arrived at the meeting place chosen by Chen Yunzhen on time, and then sat quietly at the table in that elegant seat, drinking tea slowly by himself.Suddenly, a bright color appeared in front of him, and Ba Jin looked up, and found the figure of a demure girl drifting in front of the door of the private seat out of nowhere!

He took a closer look and found that the girl's clothes were not fashionable, they were the most common school clothes in Shanghai at that time.A white top and a black pleated skirt.Blue-gray women's cloth shoes, fair face, beautiful big eyes.In particular, she did not wear makeup on her face, which was extremely rare among Shanghai women at that time.However, the more the girl dresses up like this, the more she left a deep impression on Ba Jin's heart: she is beautiful and simple, demure but yet generous. The female student standing in front of him seemed to be more pure and beautiful than the photo sent with the letter the day before yesterday.Based on his experience, Ba Jin judged that the Chen Yunzhen in front of him was by no means the elegant woman that can be seen everywhere in Shanghai. Her simplicity and beauty just formed a perfect unity.The wisdom and enthusiasm are reflected in the girl's faint eyes.Decades later, these beautiful eyes still left an unforgettable imprint on Ba Jin's heart.

"You are very early too!" This is the prelude to the romance between Ba Jin and a female middle school student.He and she sat opposite each other at the small round table, slowly sipping Jiangnan green tea.The writer Ba Jin, who tried his best to control the balance of life, did not order a cup of fashionable coffee for Xiao Shan when he met for the first time, nor did he want to show off the writer's magnanimity in front of the female students.He hoped to create a light conversation atmosphere on it. Therefore, that unforgettable spring morning was quite warm for Chen Yunzhen and Ba Jin.After Chen Yunzhen clarified the questions she was eager to ask Ba Jin in an urgent tone, Ba Jin acted like an honest and prudent elder brother, offering ideas and solutions for his readers, trying to propose some solutions to the problems.Chen Yunzhen, whose eyes were full of confusion when she came just now, immediately became clearer after Ba Jin's persuasive enlightenment.A reassuring smile appeared on the round face of the girl from Ningbo again.At this time, her green tea tasted a little bit.

"Xinya Hotel" is magnificent.At that time, it was a luxurious and elegant high-end hotel in Shanghai.Afterwards, the conversation between Ba Jin and Chen Yunzhen was simply transferred to his novel, which is becoming popular in the south of the Yangtze River.Ba Jin told Chen Yunzhen: "It's my own favorite work. I myself grew up in that kind of family, and I faithfully described my grandfather and my eldest brother - an authoritarian parent who 'I have the final say' and a The filial sons and daughters who are obedient and submissive, and some men and women who are intriguing, fighting each other, hurting others, selfish, duplicity --- my elders, and those young lives who have been tortured, and the 'slaves' who are suffering and oppressed.  … ..." Chen Yunzhen sat in front of Ba Jin and listened quietly.While Ba Jin was talking, Chen Yunzhen didn't speak, and her beautiful eyes were shining with joy.The girl never thought that Ba Jin was a man without airs, which was quite different from the young writer she imagined.Chen Yunzhen never thought that Ba Jin would pour so much affection into her: "Mr. Li, so this is a portrayal of your own real life?" "I have a life, but I don't write about myself." Ba Jin nodded, shook his head again, and said with a wry smile: "When I write this novel, it seems that I have dug up the grave of our family. I will read this novel now." , still suffering from the fire of love and hatred. I seem to see how naive and innocent I was in my youth. However, I remember the words of the French bourgeois revolutionist Georges Danton: 'Bold, bold, always bold "Miss Chen, I understand that youth is beautiful, and I don't want to be a victim at the mercy of others. I called out the three words 'I accuse' to a dying system. I also decided for these three words. Write a book! . . . " "Really?" The girl's heart was deeply shocked.It was very quiet in the lounge.After the waiter brought the green tea in again, he tactfully avoided it.Next, Chen Yunzhen poured out the pain in her heart to Ba Jin.Many years later, Ba Jin still remembered that he had a very harmonious conversation with her that day.During the conversation, Ba Jin discovered that she turned out to be an ambitious and independent girl.It was because of her own family that she resonated and associated with Ba Jin's novels, so Chen Yunzhen decided to contact the author actively.The meeting didn't last long, but both felt that there was still a lot to talk about.There was still some time left, Ba Jin listened to her talk about her family and background.Only then did he realize that the demure girl sitting in front of him had a complicated life experience.The girl's family is well-off, and her father once opened a famous food company in Shanghai, but because of his conservative thinking, he has always been incompatible with his progressive daughter.Chen Yunzhen has been hoping to find relief from this predicament of life for many years, but she is unable to break free from the reality of suffering.In her view, reality and family are a snare that she cannot break free from.That's why Chen Yunzhen wanted to talk to a wise man when she was depressed, and Ba Jin illuminated her heart as an idol. Chen Yunzhen hoped that Ba Jin could help her find a bright future of self-reliance one day sooner. At the beginning, the reason why Chen Yunzhen wrote to Ba Jin on her own initiative was because she saw her shadow in it.The girl was deeply inspired by this book, so she regarded Ba Jin as her bosom friend who could confide in her heart. Ba Jin chatted with her eloquently.While affirming that Chen Yunzhen hopes to be a self-reliant person, he also gently criticizes her not to take a path of deviance like Juehui in his novel, because she is a girl after all, and neither is her father. The old man Gao in the book. "Mr. Li, your words are very good." He remembered that Chen Yunzhen was very excited that day.The slight melancholy on his face when he first arrived disappeared after their conversation.Ba Jin also talked about her love for dialogue dramas in the first meeting, and how she played a tragic role against all odds when she was rehearsing dramas at school. Ba Jin was always impressed by the girl's fighting courage .Chen Yunzhen said to Ba Jin at that time: "Before I met Mr., my heart was always full of boundless depression. After hearing what you said today, it was like a window opened in my heart. I will never forget the courage I got from you. " "It's nothing, Chen Yunzhen, I am a few years older than you, and I have more experience than you. So I want to tell you that life is a constant struggle against suffering. If there is no suffering and trouble around you, then you will no longer have pressure. People who are not under pressure cannot be successful.” After more than 30 years of work, Ba Jin still remembers the scene of meeting Chen Yunzhen in Shanghai Xinya.That is to say, since then, there has been a feeling in his heart, as if he and this little sister from Ningbo had some kind of special fate in the previous life.Since this meeting, she began to get closer to Ba Jin, and the two strange hearts began to pour out their hearts to each other, exchanging joy and sorrow. ... However, in the 1960s, Ba Jin suddenly felt that the girl who boldly broke into his lonely life in the past seemed to be quietly leaving him.Sitting with Chen Yunzhen in the ward of Zhongshan Hospital for several hours, I feel that he and she still have a lot to talk about.However, Ba Jin knew in his heart that Xiao Shan had just undergone bowel cancer surgery for five days, and her body was still quite weak.There was hardly a trace of blood on her face, and the lips that had lost too much blood were also chapped. Comparing the beauty of the past with the haggardness of the present, Xiao Shan's current situation made him feel extremely painful. Before going to Fengxian May 7th Cadre School to work, Ba Jin once received criticism and "re-education" in Chenshan Commune, Songjiang County.During this period he almost cut off contact with his wife.In those years, he had no idea how Xiao Shan got here by herself at No. 13 Wukang Road, Shanghai.It wasn't until one day in June 1972 that Ba Jin suddenly received a letter from his daughter at the May 7th Cadre School that he realized that Xiao Shan's condition was quite serious.At that time, how much Ba Jin wanted to return to Shanghai from Fengxian immediately to visit Xiao Shan who was sick in bed!However, it took a lot of trouble for him to ask for leave.In the end, he finally got the grace of the "Worker Propaganda Team" of the cadre school, and he returned to Shanghai from the suburbs under the scorching sun.Walking into the familiar small courtyard again, Ba Jin suddenly felt a sense of alienation.He found that the three-story English-style building in the past had long lost its luster, and there were still traces of big-character posters on the big iron gate and walls.The courtyard was overgrown with weeds, and the flowers and plants had long been sparse. Only two magnolia trees were still flourishing, and the green leaves were still dancing tenaciously in the wind under the scorching summer sun. Ba Jin didn't expect that Xiao Shan, who was in good health when she left home last time, lost a whole circle of weight after only about half a year.She can no longer hold a broom against the cold wind in the early morning and quietly go outside the door to clean the street by herself.The beautiful Xiao Shan is seriously ill now, she is so thin that her pulse is like a thread, and she can only lie on the sick bed for a long time. At that time, Ba Jin was full of worries. He didn't know what kind of disease Xiao Shan was suffering from. He only knew that she would have a persistent high fever every day.During his vacation days, Ba Jin accompanied her in and out of nearby clinics and hospitals almost every day.When seeking medical treatment in the outpatient clinic, the doctors were always puzzled by why Xiao Shan had a fever, and the routine blood test could not find any problems.Ba Jin originally wanted to send Xiao Shan to a hospital with a relatively high level of medical treatment like Huashan and Huadong, but Xiao Shan refused in every possible way.He knew that his wife knew more about the political situation at the time than he did. A family member of a "reactionary authority" who was undergoing "re-education" in Fengxian, what kind of embarrassing scene would he encounter when he went to such a big hospital to see a doctor?Therefore, Xiao Shan refused to follow his suggestion until Ba Jin's vacation was over, and Xiao Shan was still at home barely subsisting on oral medicine. "Yunzhen, otherwise, I'd better continue my vacation? I'll wait until your condition improves before leaving!" The day before his departure, Ba Jin felt extremely painful.He couldn't face his wife's increasingly pale face. Seeing her tossing and turning in bed with an unexplained high fever every day, Ba Jin felt heartbroken. He felt helpless for his wife's illness.Thinking that he would go back to Fengxian Cadre School without fulfilling his responsibilities as a husband, he felt even more restless. "Don't, don't, nothing will happen to me here." Unexpectedly, Xiao Shan saw him in a difficult situation, so she hurriedly persuaded him.She obviously understood her husband's situation at this time, and she also knew how cold the "worker propaganda team" of Fengxian May 7th Cadre School was to approve Ba Jin's vacation. Standing in front of Xiao Shan, Ba Jin thought and thought, his heart was really like a knife cutting out.I want to leave but I can't bear it. I want to stay and continue to help my wife seek medical treatment everywhere. I also feel that I have been stranded in Shanghai for too long. After returning, it is difficult to face the indifferent faces of the "Worker Propaganda Team" and "Military Propaganda Team". .Seeing Xiao Shan's sick appearance, Ba Jin's heart almost broke, but he tried his best to restrain the pain in his heart in front of his wife, and there were often faint smile lines on his face.Before breaking up, he leaned over her bed and said with concern: "Yunzhen, well, I'll go back first. But you must promise me that you will find a way to figure out your illness no matter what you say. You must know , High fever is not a good thing, and general anti-inflammatory drugs can’t solve the problem. In my opinion, you’d better go to the hospital for an injection. I heard that the effect of the injection is better than oral medicine, and the effect is quicker. " Xiao Shan stared at Ba Jin's eyes full of worry, and felt a bit reluctant to let go.But she knew what the consequences would be if she kept her husband, so she nodded calmly, with a smile on her face as much as possible, and said: "You can go at ease, I will not let my illness die. Besides, the fever It's not a serious illness, maybe it's just a cold. I think, go to a big hospital to have a look, give a few injections, and the fever may subside." Ba Jin left his beloved wife in this way, and left his familiar home step by step. The gate of Fengxian May 7th Cadre School is in front of you, but Ba Jin is timid.He didn't want to step into that door, he didn't want to see those ruthless faces again. The "worker propaganda team" and "military propaganda team" looked coldly at him, which made Ba Jin feel trembling.Since 1968, he seemed to have been dreaming—a nightmare from which he could never wake up.In late January, he was suddenly called out from the cadre school, and was sent overnight by a truck to downtown Shanghai. It turned out that he was asked to participate in a meeting to criticize Chen Pixian and Shi Ximin, the main leaders of the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee. Ba Jin did not expect that he would become a companion. Fighter.After returning, this kind of incident of being woken up in the middle of the night and then being sent to the city by truck to accept endless criticism or accompanying struggle happened one after another, and finally it became impossible to guard against. In February of this year, Ba Jin discovered that the previously prestigious "Wen Wei Po" had published a long article of more than 10,000 characters "To Thoroughly Expose Ba Jin's True Face of Counter-Revolution". He could not understand the tone of the newspaper. Why is it so high, why do you regard him, a writer who writes as a profession, as a "counter-revolutionary" that everyone shouts and beats?Even though Ba Jin couldn't accept the accusations in the newspaper, he was even more dumbfounded by the subsequent criticism. He didn't expect that in the hot June, not only "Wen Wei Po" would criticize him, but also "Jiefang Daily", the official newspaper of the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee On the Internet, with the titles of "Fighting and Criticizing the Reactionary "Authority" Ba Jin in the Literary and Art Circles" and "Completely Fighting and Criticizing Ba Jin, the Deadly Enemy of the Dictatorship of the Proletariat", he published many critical articles in a row, pointing directly at his works, even Make personal attacks. Ba Jin seemed to feel that he had no future, because the dire tone in the newspaper seemed to have settled his problem!In that era, once a person was reported as a qualitative person, there would definitely be no way out.He has seen a terrible prospect in the harsh reality of many suicides!However, as long as Ba Jin thinks of Xiao Shan and the house on Wukang Road, his thoughts of committing suicide will disappear in a flash. "No, I want to live!" He often said to himself. In particular, what Ba Jin could not tolerate was the "Struggle Ba Jin TV Conference" held on June 20 at the People's Acrobatic Field in Shanghai.The kind-hearted Ba Jin has never seen such a big battle in his life. For some reason, he turned his criticism meeting into an unprecedented TV conference. As a writer, he has written a few novels!Ba Jin didn't understand that his novel was really for the purpose of "counter-revolution" as others accused him of? This situation did not change until the fall of 1968.At that time, the "Worker Propaganda Team" and the "Military Propaganda Team" were stationed in the Writers Association's office on Julu Road, Shanghai.Only then did Ba Jin feel that his problem seemed to have turned around a bit, because after all, the "Worker Propaganda Team" and the "Military Propaganda Team" were different from the rebels. They came with Mao Zedong's sword above, and they would seek truth from facts .However, to Ba Jin's great disappointment, the criticism against him still did not stop. Soon, these "gangsters" were sent to Chenshan Commune, Songjiang County to participate in the "three autumn" labor. Tiantou Criticism". Another year passed after such a hard life, and in February 1969 Ba Jin returned to the Julu Road Writers Association. For some reason, the "Worker Propaganda Team" relaxed his supervision a little bit. At this time, Ba Jin was allowed to participate in the "revolutionary masses" study meeting.Of course, more time is still criticizing him, but the tone has changed. Ba Jin is no longer mentioned as a "counter-revolutionary" and a "black old K" in the literary world, but instead focuses on criticizing Ba Jin's "anarchism" and Big poisonous weed <,,.Ba Jin gradually realized that the peak of his criticism had passed. At this time, he began to quietly review the history, and tried his best to find literary books and periodicals to read.But, where do you go to find the books you want to read in those years? Then one day, when he was moving things in the Julu Road Writers' Association, he accidentally picked up a copy of Dante's "Divine Comedy: Inferno" from the ground. In order to prevent his hand that often does not hold a pen from being unable to write, he began to secretly copy this book in the "cowshed". In the miserable and helpless age, this was the greatest pleasure Ba Jin pursued in his heart. In the spring of 1970, Ba Jin began to transfer from Julu Road to work in Chenshan Commune in Songjiang County.After the Spring Festival, he was taken to an even more unfamiliar place—the May 7th Cadre School in Fengxian County.At this time, Ba Jin was already 66 years old, and his hair was starting to gray.He did not expect that he would be assigned to the fourth company of a certain regiment in the Shanghai cultural system, and he would do some heavy work beyond his capabilities in the cadre school, such as carrying straw, carrying manure, growing vegetables, feeding pigs, twisting ropes, etc. .Of course, if he is only allowed to work here, Ba Jin can accept it; in the past few years, he has regarded doing heavy work here as a relief from depression, and what Ba Jin can't bear is the uninterrupted escort back to Shanghai Criticism and wandering.Because every time he was asked to "jet" and parade around the street with a big sign around his neck, Ba Jin felt a little weak in physical strength, and sometimes he even came out of a fight with profuse sweat all over his head. Now when Ba Jin appeared in front of the Fengxian Cadre School again, his heart jumped up reflexively.However, Ba Jin had to go in.Not long after returning to Fengxian Cadre School, Ba Jin had the courage to write a letter to the leader of the "Worker Propaganda Team" of the Cadre School.He wrote: Report My wife Xiao Shan has been ill in recent years. She fell ill in bed in the second half of May this year. She had a high fever of about 38 degrees Celsius, sometimes exceeding 39 degrees Celsius.I went to the hospital to call the emergency number for examination and treatment, and continued to see Chinese medicine and take Chinese medicine.Two days ago, I went to the local hospital to take a film. However, the source of the disease has not been detected since then, and the fever has not subsided for more than 30 days.Now she is continuing to take traditional Chinese medicine, and at the same time she is planning to continue the examination. The urgent need for medical expenses is more, and most of it will be embezzled from living expenses. It will be very difficult to spend in the future. She plans to ask for another 100 yuan for medical expenses in order to continue to treat Xiao Shan. One request hopes to be granted. The cultural system is directly under Ba Jin of the Fourth Company June 22, 1972 Ba Jin finally handed over the letter, but no one paid any attention to it. Ba Jin doesn't feel at ease working here, as long as he thinks of Xiao Shan, her melancholy eyes will appear in his mind.In these days like years, one day, Ba Jin suddenly received a letter from his youngest son.In the letter, he told Ba Jin the news that surprised him: Mom was suffering from bowel cancer! When Ba Jin's eyes darkened, he couldn't hold it anymore!Before he could finish reading the letter, it fell down in the field.Nothing hit him harder than Xiao Shan suffering from such a serious illness.Since the summer of 1966, Ba Jin seemed to have suddenly stepped into a strange world.His peaceful and comfortable writing environment before was suddenly overwhelmed by the unstoppable red terror.His home was raided many times by young generals, and a large number of manuscripts kept in the upstairs study were lost one after another in the frenzy of "beating, smashing, looting and seizing".Ba Jin has been branded as a "reactionary authority" and "anti-communist veteran" many times, and put on the stage of criticism for all to see.In Ba Jin's view, both mental torture and physical torture can be overcome and endured. For him, the only thing he can't bear is the sudden blow of his wife Xiao Shan's serious illness. Since the beginning of the movement, Ba Jin has been afraid to tell his wife some things—he is worried that Xiao Shan will feel sorry for his situation.After Ba Jin was regarded as a "ghost and snake god" and locked up in the reference room on the second floor of the Julu Road City Writers Association, he was taken out almost every day to criticize him. What made Ba Jin unbearable was that whenever rebels from other places came to the Writers Association Downstairs, he yelled through the window: "Ba Jin, get us downstairs!" At this moment, he saw several rebels in the organization swarming in, grabbing him like an eagle grabbing a chick. out of the building.Then Ba Jin became the object of being shoved left and right among groups of Red Guards.Later, in order to make it easier for the rebels who came to Shanghai from other places to fight Ba Jin, the rebels simply took him to a cold room on the first floor and were there whenever they were called.Ba Jin has gradually adapted to this situation, but he is used to facing things calmly, trying not to resist as much as possible, as long as someone grabs him, Ba Jin will follow them downstairs at any time. What Ba Jin can't tolerate the most is an insult to his personality.Once, he was ordered to do hard labor in the cafeteria, but a rebel suddenly asked: "How can a person like Ba Jin be allowed to help in the cafeteria? Wouldn't he poison everyone's food?" So, someone grabbed him and pushed him out the door.Even so, Ba Jin still held back the tears in his eyes and refused to fall. "You can't tell her! If you tell her, she will definitely not be able to bear it." He knew that Xiao Shan was kind and weak.When Ba Jin was hit many times, Xiao Shan always gritted her teeth and stood with her beloved husband.In the years when Ba Jin was doing well in the Chinese literary world, Xiao Shan never showed her pride because of her husband, but when Ba Jin suddenly fell from the altar of writers that everyone looked up to to the trough of life, Xiao Shan still looked like Take it easy with a peaceful mind like before.The reason why Ba Jin persisted tenaciously in the face of many mental blows was that the only spiritual pillar in his heart was Xiao Shan. Now, his wife, who is much younger than him, is suffering from such a critical cancer.How does Ba Jin face and endure this?After returning from the field to the dormitory of the cadre school, Ba Jin sat on the bed alone and wept secretly.He didn't dare to tell everyone the pain in his heart publicly, but he just thought about it in silence.In the dark, the pair of female gazes that made him feel hopeful in the predicament seemed to appear in front of his eyes again. "Yunzhen, did you really leave me like this? You know I'm much older than you, and I'm fine now, but you..." Ba Jin remembered that Xiao Shan had incurable bowel cancer, and felt in his heart. The pain suddenly appeared.He couldn't accept this harsh reality, he knew that Xiao Shan suffered from this incurable disease because of unspeakable sadness in her heart. Previously, Ba Jin seemed to have read such knowledge from a pamphlet: Most cancer patients accumulate cancer in their bodies because of depression.If it was really like what the pamphlet said, Xiao Shan must have suffered spiritual pain because of the inhuman torture he suffered in the Shanghai Writers Association.Otherwise, she is a cheerful and kind woman, why would she suddenly become ill and even bedridden in the prime of her life? Ba Jin wanted to cry.He has been in a state of depression for several years.But he couldn't cry, because in the May 7th Cadre School in Fengxian, he was surrounded by the eyes and ears of the "Worker Propaganda Team" and the "Military Propaganda Team".If he really loses his composure because of his wife's illness, he will definitely attract a lot of criticism, and some people will even unreasonably link his performance with the current political situation, causing even greater disasters.If that was the case, not only would he not be able to save Xiao Shan, but he would even be unable to ask for leave to return to Shanghai.Ba Jin persisted and endured like this.Finally, through his efforts and the requests of his companions who were "reformed" together, the leaders of the "Worker Propaganda Team" of the cadre school had to approve Ba Jin to return to Shanghai immediately to take care of his wife after serious discussions.