Chapter 30 Chapter 12-2

Once this deficiency has been confirmed, I will check the manuscript to see if there are other shortcomings.I found a few more, and these deficiencies, because of my bad memory, led me to assume that there were other gaps in my pile of papers.I found that the draft of "The Ethics of Sensibility" was gone, and the draft of the synopsis of "The Adventures of Sir Edward" was gone.The disappearance of this latter draft, I confess, made me somewhat suspect that Madame de Luxembourg was responsible.These papers were sent to me by her valet, La Roche, and I think she is the only one in the world who cares about such waste paper; but what is the other draft, and those letters that have been taken away, worth her Where are you concerned?Those letters, even if one has malicious intentions, cannot be used to harm me, unless one wants to forge them.As for Monsieur de Luxembourg, I know that he has always been upright, and his friendship with me is true, and I cannot for a moment suspect him, nor can I even place this suspicion on the marshal's wife.After much trouble in finding the thief, I found only one reasonable idea, that of imputing d'Alembert for the theft.He had already gone to Madame Luxembourg's house at that time, and he probably thought of some way to read these documents, and took what he liked, whether it was a manuscript or a letter, the purpose of which was to add something to me. Trouble, or appropriating what might suit him.I think that the title "Ethics of Sensibility" may have confused him, thinking that he had discovered the outline of a real work on materialism.It is not difficult for anyone to imagine how he would use this compendium against me.I am convinced that he will soon find out that he is wrong after perusing the draft; and since I have decided to leave the literary world altogether, I am not very concerned about the pickpocketing-this time the pickpocketing is not the same. The first time I committed a crime with only one hand, I have always endured it in the past without a single complaint.Soon I stopped thinking about this dishonesty, as if it had never happened; and I began to sort out what was left of my material, so that I could concentrate on mine.

I have long thought that the religious circles of Geneva, or at least the citizens and townspeople, would protest the violation of canon law in the order for my arrest.But all was as usual, at least on the surface; but in fact there was a general dissatisfaction waiting to manifest itself at the first opportunity.Many of my friends, or those who call themselves friends, have written me letter after letter urging me to lead them, promising that the public will correct the wrongs of Parliament.Fearing that my presence would cause confusion and commotion, I did not accept their request; I was true to my former oath to take no part in any domestic strife in my country, so I preferred to let the insult continue, and to go into exile from my country, rather than Unwilling to use violent and dangerous means to return to the motherland.True, I had expected some lawful and peaceful expression on the part of the citizens about a violation in which they had a great stake, and there was none at all.Those who lead the bourgeoisie are not striving for real injustice, but for opportunities to show themselves to be indispensable.They work in the shadows, and keep silent, and quarrel with the chatterers, the false pieties, and the professed pieties, who were brought up by Parliament to make the ignorant people think I hideous, and see their misdeeds as religious zeal.

I expected that someone would come forward to protest against the illegal procedure, but I waited in vain for more than a year, and at last I made up my mind: I saw myself abandoned by my own countrymen, and I resolved to abandon my ungrateful country.Originally, I have never lived in the motherland, nor have I received any benefits or help from the motherland, but as a reward for my efforts to win glory for it, I was treated so despicably, and it was treated unanimously by the whole country. Those who should speak The man said nothing.So I wrote a letter to the chief executive for that year, Mr. Favre, I think, formally renouncing my civil rights, though in this letter, with courtesy and restraint. .The ferocity of the enemy often compels me to act heroically in disasters, and I always pay attention to courtesy and restraint in making heroic acts.

By doing this I finally opened the eyes of the citizens: they felt that it was too late for them to give up my defense, and they rose to defend me, but it was too late.They also have some other grievances, which are combined with this grievance to form the content of the submissions submitted many times, which are reasonable.The harsh and disappointing refusals which Parliament, with the French Government as its backing, made them feel more enslaved by them, and increased the range and weight of their submissions.This back-and-forth debate produced various pamphlets, which were inconclusive until the sudden publication of Letters from the Country. "Letters from the Country" was a work in favor of Parliament, and was written with infinite ingenuity, which silenced and for a moment crushed the faction of the National Representative.This document is the masterpiece of the author's rare talents, and it was written by Attorney-General Tronchant.Tronchant was a wise and knowledgeable man, well versed in the law, and well acquainted with the constitution of the republic. Siluitterra.

After being discouraged for a while, the National Delegates cheered up again and wanted to write a reply.They took a lot of time and did a decent job.But everyone belongs to me, thinking that I am the only one who can fight against such an opponent, and hope to defeat him.I admit, I thought so too.My old compatriots think that their difficulty is due to me, and that it is my duty to help them with my pen.At their urging, I proceeded to refute "Letters from the Country"; I changed the title of the original work to "Letters from the Mountains," which I adopted as the title of my work.I planned and carried out this work in such secrecy that when I met at Thonon with the leaders of the National Delegates to discuss their problems, they showed me their outlines, but I did not say a word. My reply; at this time my reply has been written, and I am afraid that the slightest leak, whether it is leaked to the ears of officials or my personal enemies, will hinder its printing.I have not, however, prevented the work from being seen in France before it was published; but people preferred to have it published than to let me know exactly how they discovered my secret.Regarding this point, I will say as much as I know, but what I know is very limited, and I will not say anything that is speculation.

At Motiers I had nearly as many visits as at the Hermitage and Montmorency, but the nature of the visits was quite different.Before this, the people who came to see me were related to me in terms of talents, hobbies, and beliefs, so they used these relationships as an excuse to come to me, so that I could get straight to the point and talk about what I could do with them. thing.Not so at Motiers, especially with those coming from the French side.They are all military officers, or other people who have no interest in literature, and most of them have never read my works, but according to their own accounts, they still ran thirty, forty, sixty, one hundred miles Make an appointment to see me, pay homage to me as a famous person, famous person, famous person, great man, etc.Since then I have been continually paid the most outrageous flattery, which until then the respect of those who came in contact with me had always spared me.Because most of those uninvited guests are unwilling to disclose their names or reveal their identities, and because their knowledge and mine cannot fall into the same target, and because they have not read or even read my works, so I don't know what to say to them.I waited for them to speak for themselves, because only they knew why they came, and it was up to them to explain to me.It is conceivable that I will not be very interested in this kind of conversation. They may be interested, depending on what they want to inquire about.I was an unguarded person, and spoke freely of all the questions they thought fit to ask me; and usually they returned knowing every detail of my situation as well as I did myself.

For example, this is how I received M. Vance, valet to the queen and captain of the cavalry of the queen's guard, who had such patience that he stayed several days at Motiers, even leading his horse, following I walked to La Ferrière, and the two of us had nothing in common except that we knew Miss Fell and knew how to play pinball.Before and after Mr. Vance, I received another visit, this time even more bizarre.Two men came on foot, each leading a mule with his little luggage.They stayed at the inn, cleaned the mule themselves, and then came to see me.When people saw the mules in their attire, they thought they were smugglers, and word spread that a smuggler had come to see me.But the way they approached me told me that they were not of that sort, but that they were probably adventurers, though not smugglers, and this suspicion made me momentarily wary.But they soon reassured me that one was M. de Montaubon, also known as Comte d'Ur-du-Bains, a gentleman from the Dauphine department; The man, who had been in the military, carried his Order of St. Louis in his pocket so it wouldn't show.Both gentlemen were very kind and very talented, their conversation was refined and amusing, and their manner of travel suited my taste, but was too unfashionable for a French gentleman, and that endeared me to them. , and their manners only strengthened this feeling.My acquaintance with them did not end there, it continues now, and they came to see me several times afterwards, but not on foot any more--and it is an elegant thing to start on foot.But the more I looked at these two gentlemen, the more I saw that their inclinations had little in common with mine, the more I felt that their creed was not mine, the more I felt that they were not familiar with my work, and that in their There wasn't any real emotional resonance with me.So what do they ask of me?Why come to see me in that attire?Why did you stay for several days?Why did it come again several times?Why are you so eager for me to be their guest?It didn't occur to me to ask myself these questions at the time.But since then, I have sometimes asked myself this way.

I was moved by their kindness, and without a second thought I gave my heart, especially to M. Dastier, whose more cheerful manner pleased me the more.I even continued to correspond with him afterwards, and, when it came time to print Letters from the Mountain, I sought his help in deceiving the people who were snooping on my manuscript parcel on the way to Holland.He has repeatedly told me, and perhaps intentionally, how free the press is in Avignon, and he has volunteered to me that if I had anything to print there, he would do it for me. .So I took advantage of him and mailed him the first few volumes of my manuscript one after another.After he left this part of the manuscript for a long time, he sent it back to me, saying that no bookseller would dare to print it, so I had to find Ray again, and carefully mailed my fascicles one by one. After receiving the notice that the front volume has already been received, the latter volume will not let go.Before it was published, I knew that it had been seen in the offices of ministers; Escherny from Neuchâtel told me of a book called The Man of the Mountain, saying that Huo Erbach had told him I wrote it.I assured him that I had never written a book with that title, because that was the case. When Letters from the Mountains was published, he was so angry that he called me a liar, though I had told him the whole truth.The above is an illustration of how I know for certain that my manuscript has been read.I was so sure of Ray's faithfulness that I was obliged to make speculations elsewhere, and the one I tend to settle on was that the packages of my manuscripts had been opened in the mail.

Another person whom I met at about the same time, but first by letter, was M. Lalio.He is from Nîmes, and wrote to me from Paris, asking me to send him my profile in profile, because he intends to give it to Le Moine to make a marble bust of me. in his library.If that was a flattering way of taming me, it was a great success.I judge that a man who wants to have a marble bust of me in his library must have read my books, and therefore my doctrines, and must love me, because his heart and my hearts are connected.Of course it was hard not to seduce me.Later, when I saw M. Lalio, I found him eager to do me a little favor, to intervene in my many small affairs, but, on the other hand, I doubt whether in the few books he has read in his life. One is my work.I don't know whether he had a library, and if so, whether it was of any use to him; as for the bust, it was a poor piece of clay, made by Le Moine, with a grotesque carved on it. ugly portrait.He advertised it in my name, as if the image bore any resemblance to me.

The only Frenchman who came to see me, as it seemed to me, for my opinions and my writings, was a young officer of the Limousin regiment, M. Serguier de Saint-Brisson, who had been at Paris Society, with its rather admirable wit and pretensions, once distinguished itself, and probably still does.He had visited me at Montmorency during the winter before my catastrophe, and I found him very pleasing to me because of his eloquence.Then he wrote again to Motiers, and, perhaps to flatter me, or perhaps because he was really dazed with Emile, told me that he was leaving the army to live independently, and that he Learning carpentry.He had an older brother who was a captain in the same regiment and was the only favorite of his mother, who was an over-religious believer, taught by some hypocritical priest, and treated the younger son very badly on the grounds that he was not religious , and especially the unpardonable sin has something to do with me.These were his complaints, which led him to disown his mother and to take the path I have just described, in order to be a little "Emile."

I panicked when I saw his impatience, and wrote to him quickly to ask him to change his mind. After my earnest persuasion, he finally listened to me.He resumed his childship to his mother, and took back his resignation from his colonel.After he handed in this resignation, the colonel finally acted prudently, and did nothing at that time, so as to leave him time for further consideration.After recovering from his whimsical ideas, Saint-Brisson had another stupid idea, although not so absurd, but not to my taste, to become a writer.He came out with two or three little pamphlets in succession, which did not show the author to be a man of incapacity, but I did not give him encouraging compliments to keep him going, so I am not ashamed. He came to see me a little later, and we went to visit the Ile Saint-Pierre together.During this trip, I found that he was different from Montmorency.He had an air of indescribable affectation which did not bother me at first, but which I often recall afterwards.He visited me again at the Hotel Saint-Simon, as I was passing through Paris on my way to England.There I heard--he didn't tell me--that he lived in high society, and visited Madame de Luxembourg quite frequently.While I was in Turley, I heard nothing from him, nor asked his relative, Miss Serguier (my neighbour, who never seemed to take me very well) to give me any news.In short, M. de Saint-Brisson's love for me, like that of M. Vance, was over at once; but Vance had nothing from me, and he owed me nothing, unless I The foolishness that prevented him from doing it was just a game of his: it probably was. From the Geneva side, I was only a little more numerous.Deluc and his son successively chose me as their nurse.The father fell ill on the way, the son fell ill on the way from Geneva, and they both stayed at my house to recuperate.What pastors, relatives, hypocritical believers, all kinds of people came from Geneva and Switzerland. They didn't come to worship me or mock me like those who came from France, they came to scold me and teach me I came.The only thing that pleased me was Murdu, who came to stay with me for three or four days, and I wish I could have kept him longer.Of them all, the most patient, the most obstinate, and the one who troubled me so much that I could not help it, was M. Duvelnoy, a merchant from Geneva, a French refugee, and a relation to the Attorney-General of Neuchâtel.This Monsieur de Villenoy visits me twice a year from Geneva to Motiers, stays at my house from morning to night for several days, walks with me, and brings me all kinds of little presents , Cleverly set my heart's words, I have to ask about everything about me, but there is no common concept, common tendency, common feeling, and common knowledge between him and me.I suspect that he has never read a whole book of any kind in his life, and he doesn't even know what my book is about.When I began to collect botanical specimens, he also went out with me to collect, but he was not fond of this pastime, and he never said a word to me, nor did I to him.He even had the courage to sit opposite me for three days in a tavern in Goumuan, thinking that boring him and making him feel how bored he was to me would drive him out of the tavern, which Nothing could defeat his incredible perseverance, and I couldn't figure out where his perseverance came from. All these intercourses were forced to begin and to be maintained.Among these relationships, I should not miss the only one that ever made me feel comfortable and really concerned: that was my relationship with a Hungarian youth.This young Hungarian came to live in Neuchâtel, and from Neuchâtel to Motiers, a few months after I settled in Motiers.The locals called him Baron Sauterne, by which name he had been introduced from Zurich.He is tall, dignified, with an amiable face, and he treats people with sincerity and kindness.He told everyone he met, and he made me understand that he had come to Neuchâtel solely because of me, in order to make friends with me, so as to cultivate his character while he was young.I found his appearance, manner, and manner to be consistent with what he said. I could not see anything unlovely in such a young man, and he came to me with such a respectable motive. If I shut the door , of course feel ashamed of the greatest calling.When I open my heart to people, I don't know that half of it is done.So in no time he had all my friendship and trust, we were inseparable, he was with me every time I hiked, and he fell in love with hiking.I took him to the Lord Marshal's house, and the Marshal loved him in every possible way.He could not yet express himself in French, so he spoke to me and wrote to me only in Latin, and I answered him in French.Despite the mixture of the two languages, the conversation between the two of us was very smooth and lively.He talked to me about his family, his career, his experiences, and the court in Vienna, and he seemed to be familiar with the inside story there.In short, during the nearly two years that we were very intimate, I found him to be mild-tempered, able to withstand all trials, not only well-behaved, but elegant, very neat from head to toe, and extremely courteous in all his speech, In short, he has all the characteristics of a family member, which makes me think he is too admirable to like him very much. In the middle of our relationship, Du Vernois wrote to me from Geneva, telling me to be on my guard against the young Hungarian who was living with me, saying that he was told that he was a spy sent by the French government to spy on me.This warning may disturb me, especially since, where I live, I am constantly warned and told to be on the lookout, that someone is watching me, trying to lure me into France, where he may lay hands on me. In order to silence the boring warning specialists at once, I suggested to Sautern, without explaining anything to him, to take a hike to Pont-Darières.As soon as I arrived in Pontarière, I showed him the letter of Di Vernois, then hugged him warmly, and said to him: "Sautern does not need me to prove my trust in him, but the public needs me to prove I am good at understanding people." This hug is really sweet, and it is also one of the spiritual enjoyments that the persecutors can never appreciate and cannot take away from the oppressed. I never believed that Sauterne was a spy, or that he would betray me, but he deceived me.When I confide my heart to him, he has the courage to often close his heart tightly and deceive me with all kinds of lies.He told me a nonsense story to convince me that he had to go home.I advised him to hurry and he started, and when I thought he was in Hungary, I heard he was in Strasbourg.It was not the first time he had been to Strasbourg.He had caused a family dispute there, and the husband, knowing that I saw him often, wrote to me, and I did my best to persuade the wife to return to womanhood, and Sautern to behave modestly.Just when I thought the man and woman had given up completely, they ran off together again, and the husband was so kind to invite the young man to live with him again; There is more to say.I found out that the so-called baron had lied to me with a lot of lies.His name was not Sautern at all, but Sautersheim.Baronet is the title people call him in Tuanshi, and I can't blame him for using it, because he never called himself a Baron, but I don't doubt that he is a real petty nobleman. He has always thought of him as an aristocrat and treated him as an aristocrat. No sooner had he left than the maid at the inn where he used to dine at Motiers announced that she was pregnant and that he had caused it.The maid was a slob, and Sauterne, who was generally valued and respected in the district for his honesty and integrity, and his particular care for cleanliness, made this shameless slander repulsive to everyone.The loveliest women in the country, who had tried unsuccessfully to tease him, were furious, and I was utterly indignant.I tried my best to silence that shameless woman, and said that I would pay all her expenses, and that I would be surety for Sauttersheim.I wrote to him and told him that I was convinced that not only was he not responsible for her belly, but it was a fake, a trick of his enemies and mine.I want him to come back to this place, humiliate that bachelor woman face to face, and silence those who instigated her to spread rumors.And I was astonished at the weakness of his reply; he also wrote to the sleazy vicar to try to put the matter down.When I saw this situation, I stopped asking questions. I always felt strange that such a dissolute person could be so restrained, and could deceive me with his reserved attitude in the closest relationship with me. . Sautersheim went from Strasbourg to Paris looking for opportunities, but found only poverty.He wrote to me, regretting his mistakes. I recalled our old friendship and was moved by it, so I sent him some money.The next year, when I passed through Paris, I saw him again. He was almost the same poor, but he had become a close friend of M. Laliot. A new acquaintance, two years later, Sautersheim returned to Strasbourg, wrote to me from there, and there he died.Such is the brief history of our relationship, and his adventures, as I know them; but while I pity the fate of this unfortunate young man, I still believe that he was a man of great descent, and that all his debauchery was the result of his circumstances. . These are the people with whom I made friends and acquaintances at Motiers.How many such acquaintances and acquaintances can compensate me for the terrible losses I have suffered during this period! The first loss was the death of M. Luxembourg.After being tortured by doctors for a long time, he became their victim.He was suffering from gout, which the doctors refused to admit and treated as a disease they thought could be cured. In this matter, if we are to believe the report written to me by La Roche, the confidant of Madame Marshal, we should indeed lament the suffering of the great man on the basis of this tragic and unforgettable example. The death of this gracious nobleman grieved me especially, for he was the only true friend I had in France; Equals go to attach.Our relationship did not end because of my flight, and he continued to write to me as before.But it seemed to me that our parting, or my misfortune, had lessened his attachment.It is indeed difficult for a courtier to maintain the same affection for a man who knows that he has fallen out of favor with the princes of various countries.Moreover, Madame de Luxembourg, so far as I judged, had more influence on him than on me, and she had damaged my position in his heart while I was away in a foreign country.As for herself, although there were some artificial and increasingly rare gestures of friendship, she became more and more open about the change in her affection for me.She wrote me four or five letters to Switzerland, all intermittently, and then nothing was heard from her.It was also my preconceptions that were too deep, too trusting, and too blind at the time, so I couldn't see that her heart was not just indifferent to me. Duchesne's partner, the bookseller Guy, who was after me at the Luxembourg mansion, wrote to tell me that my name was written in M. Marshal's will.This is of course so natural and so plausible that I have no doubts about it.This news made me wonder what my attitude should be towards this bequest.After careful consideration, I have decided to accept any bequest, whatever it may be.I made this decision out of respect for a man of integrity, who was able to treat me with real friendship, as men of his position usually have little friendship.Since I heard no more about this bequest, real or not, I was relieved of the obligation to accept it.Seriously, I would feel bad if I were to take advantage of the death of someone I once loved, which would compromise one of my greatest moral principles.During the time of our friend Mushar's illness, Renép suggested to me that, while he was grateful for our care, we should tactfully induce him to take certain measures in our favor. "Ah! my dear Renep," I said to him, "don't sully our sad and sacred duty to this dying friend with the idea of ​​interest. I hope I shall never be enshrined in anyone's A will, at least never in the will of any friend.” It was about this time that the Lord Marshal spoke to me of his will, saying that he intended to bequeath me in it, and my answer to him was that I It's already been said in the first part. My second loss—the one that grieved me more and felt more irreparable—was the death of the kindest woman, the most loving mother, who, too old, disabled, and poor, had left this place. The sea of ​​suffering in the world has gone to the kingdom of the good man, where all the good deeds done in the world have warm memories as eternal good rewards.O good-natured and merciful soul, go to such men as Fenelon, Bernay, Cadina, to those who, though inferior, have like them opened their hearts to true benevolence. Go around, enjoy the fruits of your benevolence, and prepare for your nurtured person the place he hopes to occupy one day by your side!You are the luckiest of misfortunes, because God put an end to your misfortunes, and at the same time spared you from seeing these miserable scenes of your nurtured ones.I had not written to her since my arrival in Switzerland, fearing that telling her of my previous misfortunes would make her grieve for me; but I wrote to M. Monsieur Conzier told me that she had ceased helping the suffering and that she was no longer suffering.I myself soon ceased to suffer; but if I cannot believe that I shall see her in that other world after death, neither can my feeble imagination believe in the perfection which I look forward to in that other world. happy. My third and last loss--the last, for I have not since lost a friend--is Lord Marshal.He did not die; but he left Neuchâtel, tired of serving the ungrateful, and I have not seen him since.He is alive, and I hope he outlives me; he is alive, and thanks to him my earthly attachment is not entirely broken.There is at last one man left on earth who deserves my friendship; for the true value of friendship is shown more in the friendship one feels than in the friendship one invokes.But I had lost all the sweetness his friendship gave me, and from now on I could only rank him among those whom I still adored but had no relation to.He was about to go to England to receive the king's pardon and to recover his confiscated property.We parted not without plans for our reunion, plans that were almost as sweet to him as they were to me.He intended to settle down at his house at Keith near Aberdeen, and I should go there to see him; but the plan, too pleasing to me, could not be carried out.He did not remain in Scotland afterward.At the earnest request of the King of Prussia he was recalled to Berlin.In a moment it will be seen how I was unable to meet him in Berlin. He anticipated the storm which was beginning to be stirred up against me before he set off, and so he offered to send me a certificate of naturalization, which seemed a surefire way of preventing my deportation.The Oldway Church in the Travel Valley followed the Governor's example and gave me a certificate of membership, free of charge like the certificate of naturalization.I was thus in all respects a citizen of my own country, free from any lawful expulsion, not even the sovereign.However, the persecution of those who have always respected the law the most has never been through legal channels. I believe I cannot count the death of Father Mably as one of the losses of my period.I lived with his older brother, so I had some acquaintance with him, but never very intimately.I had some reason to believe that his affection for me had deteriorated since I had acquired a greater reputation than his.But it was only with the publication of "Letters from the Mountains" that I saw the first manifestation of his malice towards me.A letter to Madame Saladin, said to be written by him, is circulated in Geneva, in which he describes my work as a demagogue's sedition.My respect for Father Mably, and my admiration for his learning, did not allow me for a moment to believe that such absurd letters were written by him.So, I did what my frank character told me to do.I copied that letter and sent it to him, telling him that it was said that he wrote it.He didn't give me any answer.This silence surprised me; but, please consider, I should have been surprised when Madame Chenonceau wrote to tell me that the letter was indeed from the priest, and that my letter had embarrassed him so much. To what extent!Because, to take a step back, even if he has a point, his kind, which is neither coerced nor necessary, whose only purpose is to make a person whom he has always shown good feelings and has never failed him, is in the deepest disaster. He was beaten to death with a stick at a critical moment, and he did it so happily, how could he explain it?不久之后，《弗基昂谈话集》出版了，这部书完全是用我的作品肆无忌惮、寡廉鲜耻地拼凑起来的。我读着这本书，就感觉到作者对我是下定决心的了，从此我不能有比他更险恶的敌人了。我相信，他既不能原谅我写出了他力所不能及的，也不能原谅我写出了《永久和平》，就希望我从事圣皮埃尔神父作品的摘录工作，免得有那么大的成就。 我越往下写，就越难保持事件的顺序，越难前后衔接了。我在余生中所受到的纷扰不让我有时间在我的脑子里把那许多事件排列起来。这些事件为数太多、太错综复杂、太令人不快，不可能叙述得有条不紊。它们留给我的唯一最深刻的印象就是掩盖事件原因的那种可怖的神秘和事件本身把我逼到的这种可悲的境地。我的叙述从此只能胡乱进行下去，脑子里想起什么就写什么。我还记得，就在我谈的这个时期，我正忙于写我的，又轻率地把这件工作对什么人都说了，万没想到谁会有兴趣、有愿望、有力量对我这件工作横施障碍。即使我相信会有这种事的话，我也是不能做得更谨慎些的，因为我生来就不可能对我所感到和所想到的一切，丝毫有所隐讳。据我判断，这件工作一被别人知道，就促使人们掀起一场风暴，要把我赶出瑞士，把我交到一些能阻止我做这件工作的人们的手里。 我还有一个计划，也是那些怕我做前一项工作的人所同样仇视的，就是编印我的全集。我觉得这项工作是必不可少的，为的是要在用我的名字出版的那许多书籍之中，确认一下哪些真正是我的作品，使社会大众能把这些作品从我的敌人为破坏我的名誉、贬损我的价值而搞出来的那些伪作中区别出来。除此而外，编印全集也是为我保证面包的一个既简单而又正当的方法；而且这也是唯一的方法，因为我已经放弃写作，我的回忆录又不能在生前出版，用别的任何方式也挣不到一文钱，而开支又始终未减，我最后几部书的收入一花完，生活来源就要枯竭。这一理由曾迫使我把《音乐辞典》拿了出去；而它当时还不够完整呢。这部书使我得到一百个路易的现款和一百个埃居的年金。但是，一个人一年要花六十多个路易，这一百个路易当然很快就会花光的；而那一百个埃居的年金，对于一个被乞儿穷鬼象麻雀一般扑上来的人说来，简直就等于零了。 这时来了一伙讷沙泰尔的商人，要承揽印刷我的全集；又有里昂的一个印刷商或书商，叫作雷基亚先生的，不知怎么也跑来了，钻到那伙商人中间主持全集的工作。合同是在合理的基础上订的，同时也很满足我的要求。我的作品，已印和未印的一起算，够出四开版六卷；此外，我还负责照管编印。为此，他们应该给我一笔一万六千法国利物儿的年金和一次付清的一千埃居的赠款。 合同订好了，但还没有签字；这时《山中来信》出版了。那一声对准这万恶的作品和它那罪在不赦的作者而发的骇人的爆炸，可真吓坏了那伙书商，全集的编印也就随之烟消云散了。我倒很想把这部作品的效果与《论法国音乐的信》相比，只不过那封论音乐的信，在使我招大恨、冒大险的同时，还给我至少带来钦佩和尊敬。而在《山中来信》出版之后，在日内瓦和凡尔赛，人们似乎十分诧异，怎么还会让我这样一个怪物活在人间。小议会在法国代办煽动下，在检察长指使下，针对我的作品发表了一个宣言，以最恶毒的字眼宣称我这个作品不但得由刽子手拿去烧毁，还带着一种近乎滑稽的语调说，人们连答复、乃至提到这部作品时都感到自己丢脸。我倒很想把这篇妙文在这里转录出来，只可惜手头没有，而且连一个字也记不得了。我热烈盼望我的读者中能有人激于追求真理与正义的热忱，愿意把《山中来信》从头到尾再读—遍；我敢说，他在人们横施于作者的那些痛心的、残酷的侮辱之后，一定会感到弥漫在这部书里的那种斯多噶派的克制工夫的。但是，他们既不能回答辱骂——因为根本就没有什么辱骂，又不能驳斥论点——因为我那些论点都是无可辩驳的，所以他们就决计做出万分恼怒的样子，不愿有所回答；有一点倒也是真的，如果他们把无法驳倒的论据当作辱骂之词，他们也可以认为是遭到强烈的辱骂了。 那些国民代表们不但没有对这个丑恶的宣言提出任何申诉，反而循着宣言给他们指出的路子去走；他们不但没有把《山中来信》举起来作为胜利的标帜，反而躲了起来，把它当作自己的盾牌。他们竟那么怯懦，对这部为保卫他们并应他们的请求而写出来的作品，既不表示任何敬意，又不说一句公道话，既不引用，又不提及，虽然他们暗中从这部作品里汲取了他们的全部论据，虽然他们准确地遵循的这部作品结尾的那个忠告是他们的安全与胜利的唯一原因。他们要求我尽的这个职责，我把它尽了；我曾为祖国、为他们的事业服务到底。我请他们在他们的争执中把我的问题撇开，只为他们自己着想。他们就真照我的话去做了，而我之所以插手管他们的事情，完全是为着不断地敦促他们去求得和平解决，因为我毫不怀疑，如果他们固执下去的话，他们一定会被法国完全打垮的。后一种情况之所以没有发生，其中的道理我是懂得的，但是在这里不说出来了。 《山中来信》发表后，在讷沙泰尔最初引起的反响是微不足道的。我送了一本给蒙莫朗先生，他客客气气地接受了，读了，并没有提出什么意见。当时他也和我一样生着病，病愈之后很友好地来看我，什么也没有对我说。然而，风潮开始了，我那本书不知道在什么地方给焚毁了。骚乱的中心不久就从日内瓦、从伯尔尼、也许还从凡尔赛移到讷沙泰尔来了，特别是移到特拉维尔谷地来了。在特拉维尔，甚至在宗教界还没有任何明显的行动之前，人家就开始用隐秘的手段煽动民众了。我敢说，我是应该受这个地方的民众爱戴的，就和我在所有住过的地方都受人爱戴一样，因为我大把地掏钱布施，不让我周围有一个赤贫的人得不到救济，我对任何人都不拒绝我力所能及而又合乎正义的援助，我跟所有的人都处得很融洽，同时我尽可能避免任何足以引起忌妒的特殊照顾。而这一切并没有阻止那些无知小民不知道在谁的秘密策动之下逐渐对我愤激起来，直至发展到疯狂的程度。他们在大白天就公开对我进行侮辱，不但在乡间、在路上，甚至在大街上也是如此。那些得到我的好处最多的人偏偏也最激烈，就是我还在继续接济的人，他们不好意思亲自出面，就暗中煽动别人，好象要用这种办法来洗雪他们向我感恩的耻辱。蒙莫朗装着什么都看不见，暂时还不露面；但是，当某次圣餐礼快到的时候，他到我家里来了，劝我不要去领圣餐，并向我保证说，他并不恨我，他是决不会扰乱我的。我觉得他这番客套话很离奇，他还给我提起布弗莱夫人的那封信，我就不明白，我领不领圣餐究竟跟谁有那么重要的关系。由于我认为，如果在这件事情上让步，就是一个怯懦的行为，而且我不愿意为民众提供这个新的借口，让他们叫嚷我不信宗教，所以我干脆拒绝了牧师的劝告；他不高兴地回去了，暗示说，我将后悔莫及。 他不能一人作主就拒绝我去领圣餐，得由以前接受我领圣餐的那个教务会议作主才成，只要教务会议没有说话，我就可以放心大胆前去，不怕遭到拒绝。宗教界交给蒙莫朗一个任务，要他传唤我到教务会议席上去交代信仰，如果我拒绝，就开除出教。这种开除出教的事也只能由教务会议办理，并且要经多数通过才成。但是以老教友名义组成这个会议的那些乡民是以牧师为主席的，大家都可以理解，他们是受牧师操纵的，当然不会跟他持不同的意见，特别是在神学问题上，他们懂得的比他更少。因此，我被传唤了，我决定去出席。 如果我善于词令，如果我的笔是在嘴里的话，这将是多么好的一个机会，对我又将是多么大的一个胜利啊！我会以多么优势的力量，多么轻而易举地在他那六个乡民中间把那个可怜的牧师击败啊！统治欲使新教的牧师们完全忘记了宗教改革的原则，为了提醒他们这些原则，迫使他们哑口无言，我只要把《山中来信》的头几封信作一番解释就成了，而他们竟还那么愚蠢，居然根据这几封信来攻击我呢！我的文章是现成的，我只要稍加发挥就能叫那家伙无地自容。我是不会傻到采取守势的地步的，我很容易采取攻势，还要他们丝毫觉察不到，或者无法预防。宗教界的那些末流教士既无知而又轻率。是他们自己把我置于我能取得的最有利的地位，我随随便便就可以把他们压倒。然而，可惜！要能说话才成呀，并且还要能即席发言。一遇必要，就能登时想出主意，找到合适的语句，找到恰当的字眼，始终清醒，经常镇静，永远一点也不慌乱才成！我痛感自己没有随机应变的能力，我对我自己还能抱什么希望呢？当年我在日内瓦，在一个完全袒护我。已经决定同意一切的会议面前，还被弄得哑口无言，丢尽了脸。这次情况就完全相反了：我碰到了一个捣蛋鬼，他以狡诈代替学识，他会给我布下一百个圈套而我连一个也看不出来，他是决计不惜任何代价要抓我的错儿。我越考虑这种形势。就越觉得危险太大，因为我感到不可能应付好，所以就想出另一个不得已的办法。我预先拟了一篇演说词，到教务会议席上去宣读，根本否认它的处理权，以免除我回答的义务。这事是很容易办的：我就把这篇演说词写好，满腔热忱地把它读熟。戴莱丝听到我咿咿哑哑的，不断重复那同样的几句话，想把它们塞到我的脑子里来，便取笑我。我希望最后能把我的演说词背出来；我知道领主作为国王的官员，一定会参加教务会议的；又知道不管蒙莫朗怎样耍手段，请吃酒，大部分老教友都还对我抱有好感；而且，我又有道理，又有真理，又有正义，又有国王的保护，又有邦议会的权威，又有与这种宗教裁判制度的建立有利害关系的善良爱国者的愿望做我的后盾——一切都在配合起来鼓舞着我。 到期的前夕，我把我的演说词全记住了，背得一字不差。整整一夜，我都在脑子里默诵。可是到了早晨，我又背不出来了，每背一个字我都要迟疑一下，我以为我已经是在那个大名鼎鼎的会议席上了，我慌张，说话吞吞吐吐，而且头也昏了；最后，差不多就在要去的时候，我的勇气完全消失了。我就在家里待了下来，决定给教务会议写封信，仓卒提出些不去的理由，我的借口是身体不适——在我当时的健康情况下，我的身体的确也是难以让我在那次会上支持到底的。 牧师接到我的信，颇感为难，便把这事推迟到下次会议。在这期间，他自己和他的爪牙百般活动，想诱惑老教友中间的那班宁愿凭自己的良心而不愿照他的心意办事、因而不愿照奉教界和他的意志提出主张的人们。不管他从酒肉招待中得出的论调对那班人多么有力量，除了那两三个已经投靠他为虎作伥的以外，他没有能买通其余任何一个老教友。那位国王的官员和皮利上校——上校在这件事里极表热诚——把其他的老教友都掌握住了，使他们无亏职责；当那蒙莫期要进行表决开除我的时候，教务会议便以多数票干脆拒绝了他。于是，他就只有采取那破釜沉舟的办法，煽动愚民了。他跟他的同事和另外一些人公开活动起来，并且做得那么成功，以至尽管国王曾多次颁发严厉的诏书，尽管邦议会曾三令五申，我还是不能不离开那个地方，以免那位国王的官员为保卫我而自己遭到暗杀的危险。 关于这桩公案，我的印象太模糊了，想起了几点，也理不出一个头绪，连缀不起来，只能照它们浮现到我的脑际那样，零散地、孤立地记载下来。我还记得我跟宗教界举行过一次谈判，蒙莫朗是谈判的中间人。他诡称人们是怕我以写作来搅乱地方的安宁，怕别人会怪这个地方不该让我自由自在地乱写。他暗示我说，如果我答应放下笔杆，既往也就不咎了。我本来对自己已经许下这个愿了，所以毫不迟疑地对宗教界也许下这个愿，不过有个条件，只以不写宗教问题为限。他要求作些改动，并要我立下字据，一式两份。我的条件后来被宗教界拒绝了，我就索回我的字据：他只还了我一份，借口搞丢了，把另一份扣了下来。在这以后，民众在牧师们公开煽动下，蔑视国王的诏书和邦议会的命令，简直无法无天了。在宣教的讲坛上，我被宣布为反基督的人；在乡间，我被当作狼精驱赶。我的阿美尼亚服装，对于无知小民，成了一种便于辨识的标志，我痛心地感到不方便极了，但是在这种情况下换掉这种服装又似乎太示弱了。所以我不能下决心改装，仍旧穿着我的长外套，戴着我的皮圆帽，安安静静地在当地散步，四周都是流氓的叱骂，有时还有小石头掷来。有好几次我从人家屋前走过，只听里面有人说：“把我的枪拿来，让我给他一枪。”这时我并未因此就走得快些，而他们却更加怒不可遏了。不过他们始终限于恫吓而已，至少枪是不敢打的。 在这场骚乱中，仍然有两件很令我感到愉快的事。第一件是借元帅勋爵的关系，我能受到值得感激的对待：讷沙泰尔所有正直的人都为我所受到的虐待和针对我的那些鬼祟活动而愤愤不平，他们非常憎恨那些牧师，清楚地感觉到他们是受了别人的指使，只做了一些暗中操纵他们的人的爪牙，生怕我这事会造成一个恶劣的先例，导致真正宗教裁判所的成立。地方官员们，特别是继狄维尔诺瓦先生之后任检察长的默龙先生，都尽了一切努力来保护我。皮利上校虽然只是个平民，却尽力更多，收效更大。就是他，想方设法使老教友们恪守职责，使蒙莫朗在教务会议上碰了钉子。因为他有声望，所以他尽量利用这种声望去防止暴动，但是他只能用法律、正义和公理的权威来对付金钱与酒肉的势力。双方的力量不是对等的，所以在这一点上，蒙莫朗就战胜他了。然而，我对他的照顾和热心还是感激的，很想以德报德，用什么方式来报答他这笔情分。我知道他切盼得到一个邦议员的职位，但是在珀蒂皮埃尔牧师的案件里，宫廷认为他表现不好，他在国王和总督面前都失宠了。虽然如此，我还是冒险写信给元帅勋爵，为他关说，我甚至大着胆子提到了他所企求的那个职位。真太侥幸了，与任何人所预料的相反，这个职位差不多立刻就被国王批准了。命运就一直是这样，它一面把我捧得太高，一面又把我压得太低，这会儿又继续把我从一个极端推到另一个极端；一方面无知小民给我涂满了污泥，另一方面我还能使人当上了邦议员。