Chapter 19 Chapter 8-2

Evidently a copyist is supposed to be busy with his work from morning to night, and my interruptions were too great to add to my daily income and prevent me from being absorbed in my work, so Most of the remaining time is spent on scribbling, scratching, or recopying entire pages.This disgusting existence made Paris more and more intolerable to me every day, and made me ardently pursue the country.Several times I went to Margussie to stay for a few days. Madame Le Vasseur knew the curate of the place, and we stayed at his house, so that the host would not be inconvenienced.Grimm went with us once.The curate had a fine voice and sang well; although he did not know music, he learned his part of the libretto quickly and accurately.We spent all our time there singing the trios I wrote in Chenonceau.I wrote two or three new trios, based on libretto which Grimm and the curate had thrown together.I can't help but regret these trios I wrote and sang in this joyful moment of no distraction, I left them and all my music manuscripts in Wutong, maybe Miss Dawenpu used them as curling paper , but they are worth saving, and most of the counterpoints are well written.During these excursions I was pleased to see "Auntie" in good spirits, and to enjoy myself; and it was after one of these excursions that I wrote a poem very quickly and very To the assistant priest, people will see this poem in my files.

A little closer to Paris, I have another lodging which suits my taste well, and that is the house of Monsieur Muschart.Mr. Mushar is my fellow villager, my relative, and my friend Zhong Changtong (180-220), a thinker and philosopher at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty.The axiom, the mountain, had a beautiful retreat in Passy, ​​where I passed some very peaceful moments.M. Mussard was originally a jeweler. He was very reasonable. After earning enough money in business, he married his only daughter to Mr. Valmaret, the son of a bill broker and the master of the royal kitchen. Freedom from buying and selling and business arranges a period of rest and enjoyment between the troubles of life and death.This old Mr. Muschar was a practical philosopher, and he lived carefree in a pleasant house he built and a beautiful garden he kept with his own hands.While digging the flowerbeds of his garden, he found so many shellfish fossils that his overexcited imagination saw only shells in nature, and finally he really thought that the universe was only shells and shell residues, and the whole earth was nothing but shells. Bei's silt is gone.He kept thinking about this kind of thing, thinking about his strange discoveries, the more he thought about it, the more excited he was, and these thoughts finally formed a system in his brain, that is to say, a madness-if it was not for death. He took words from his friends.His death was a great blessing to his reason, but a great misfortune to his friends, for they loved him and could not have been happier to live in his house.He died of a most peculiar and painful disease.It was a tumor that grew in his stomach and kept growing, making him unable to eat, but people could not find the reason for his inability to eat for a long time.After tormenting him for several years, the tumor finally starved him to death.The last part of the life of this poor but worthy man, I cannot but think of it with sorrow.At that time the only two friends, Renep and myself, were the only ones who saw him in such misery and did not avoid him to his last breath.He was still so happy to receive us, and yet he himself was so sick that it was so greedy to see the food he offered us, but it was almost impossible for him to drink a few drops of very weak tea, and he had to vomit immediately after drinking it. come out.But how many pleasant hours I had spent in his house with the many fine friends he had made before this painful time!Among these friends, Father Plevo should be promoted first.He was a man of the most amiable simplicity, a soul which made his work alive and worthy of immortality, and whose temper and conduct in the world had none of the melancholy which he ascribed to it.And Dr. Prokop, a little Aesop who is too spoiled for beauty.And Boulanger, famous posthumous author of Oriental Despotism, and who, I believe, extended Musard's system of thought to the whole universe.Among the women there was Voltaire's niece, Madame Denis, who was then only a simple woman and had not yet pretended to be a wit.And Mrs. Wangluo, she is certainly not beautiful, but she is charming and charming, and she sings like an angel.And Madame Valmaret herself, she can sing too.Although she is very thin, she is still very cute if she is not so self-indulgent.These are nearly all of M. Muschar's company, which amuses me quite a bit, and I would have been happier if Mr. Moussard had not talked to me with his share of shell fans.I can say that I enjoyed working in his laboratory for more than six months as much as he did.

He has long believed that the mineral water of Passy is good for my sick body, and advised me to live in his house to take it.In order to avoid the hustle and bustle of the city, I finally accepted his advice and stayed in Passy for eight or nine days.These days are good for me more from living in the country than from taking mineral water.Mussard can play the cello and loves Italian music.One night, before going to bed, we talked about Italian music, especially the comic operas, which we had both seen and loved in Italy.At night, I couldn't sleep, just thinking about how to get the French to get an idea of ​​the genre, because Les Amours of Lagonde is not such an opera at all.In the morning, while I was taking a walk and drinking mineral water, I hastily composed a few lyrics that seemed poetic but not poetic, accompanied by a song that I thought of while composing the poem.At the top of the garden was a small cupola, in which I scribbled out the words and music.At morning tea, I couldn't help showing these songs to Musard and his housekeeper, Mademoiselle Duvernoy, who was very kind and lovely.The three paragraphs I drafted are a monologue "I Lost My Servant", the second is the diviner's aria "Love grows when it is disturbed", and the third is the final duet "Koran, I promise forever..." and so on. .It never occurred to me that this little thing was worth going on, and if it hadn't been for the applause and encouragement of both of them, I would have thrown my scrap of paper into the fire and given up thinking about it; At least as good as this one, and I burned them all.But they encouraged me so much that I finished the whole play in six days, with only a few lines of poetry left.I also had the first draft of the whole score, and I only needed to add some recitatives and the whole alto part in Paris; all this, I finished so quickly, and I only had three weeks to copy all the acts and scenes of my play. to the point where it can be staged.All that was missing was an intermission, which was written much later.

Having completed this work, I am so excited and eager to hear it played.I would like to pay all the price behind closed doors to see it performed according to my wishes, just like Lully did in the past-it is said that he once asked someone to perform "Almide" just for him.Since I could not have such pleasure but only with the public, I had to get my work accepted by the opera house.It's a pity that it belongs to a completely new genre, and the audience's ears are not used to it. Moreover, the failure of "The Merry Poem" made me predict that if I sent "The Country Fortune Teller" in my name again, it would still be the same. Doomed.Duclos solved my difficulty, he was in charge of taking the works to auditions, so that no one would know who the author was.In order not to expose myself, I was not present at the rehearsal; even the "violinist" who directed the rehearsal did not know who the author of the work was until the audience cheered and proved that the work was excellent.Everyone who heard the work was so satisfied that next day, in all social situations, nothing else was said.After seeing the audition, Mr. Juli, the minister in charge of entertainment, will take this work to the court to perform.Duclos knew my intentions, and thought that once my play was brought to the court, I would not be able to make decisions as I did in Paris, so he refused to hand over the play to him.Juli insisted on demanding power, but Duclos insisted on refusing.The quarrel between the two became so violent that one day at the opera they would have gone out to fight if someone had not separated them.When people come to me, I leave it to M. Duclos to decide, so I have to go to him anyway.The Duke of Aumont appeared.Duclos finally thought that he should make concessions to power, so he took out the script and prepared to perform it in Fontainebleau.

The part I am most proud of, and also the part where Gao Laozi went the farthest, is the recitative.In my recitatives the circumflex is determined in a new way, in harmony with the enunciation of the libretto.No one dared to preserve this dreadful innovation, lest it should offend the accustomed ear.I agree to let Frangueyer and Gerliott write another set of recitatives and judgments." It shows that Engels completed the transition from idealism to materialism, and I don't want to get involved. When everything was ready and the date of the performance was fixed, it was suggested that I should go to Fontainebleau, at least to see the last rehearsal.I went with Miss Fell, Grimm, and possibly the Abbe Rainal, in a court carriage.The rehearsal was passable, more satisfying than I had expected.There are many bands, composed of the opera band and the king's band.Gerliott was Colin, Mademoiselle Fell was Colette, Cuvillier was the fortune-teller, and the chorus was the chorus of the opera house.I didn't say much.Everything was presided over by Geliotte, and I did not want to double-check what he had done; and, despite my seriousness, I was ashamed as a schoolboy among this company.

The next day was the day of the official performance, and I went to the Popular Cafe for breakfast.There were a lot of people there, and everyone talked about last night's rehearsal and how difficult it was to get in.One of the officers said that he got in without much trouble, and told the story of the scene from beginning to end, and described the author, what he did and said.But what makes me strange is that this rather long narrative is so sure and natural, but there is not a word in it that is true.I saw very clearly that the gentleman who spoke so eloquently about the rehearsal was not there at all, because the author he said he saw so clearly was before him, but he did not know him.Stranger still than this comical scene was the effect it had on my mind at the time.The man was a man of considerable age, without arrogance or pride in his manner or tone; he had the appearance of a man of rank, and his Order of St. Louis showed that he had been an officer.Even though he's not shy, even though I don't want to, I'm still very interested in him; he's lying big there, I'm blushing here, I can't look up, I'm really on pins and needles; I'm thinking, is there a way Think he was mistaken, and not a deliberate liar?At last, fearing that someone would recognize me and embarrass him face to face, I quickly finished my cocoa tea without saying a word, then walked past him with my head down, and ran out as soon as possible. Talking about his account.On the street I found myself drenched in sweat; and I judged that if I had been recognized and called by my name before I went out, it would have been only by the pangs I felt at the thought of the poor man's lie being exposed. If I look on my face, people will definitely see that I am ashamed and embarrassed like a criminal.

I am now in one of the most serious junctures of my life, and it is very difficult to give a mere account, for it is almost impossible not to narrate it without being a little bit positive or negative.However, I still want to give it a try, and I will only explain how I did it and compile it into "Ercheng Quanshu · Collected Works of Mr. Ming Dao". , for what motive, without any words of praise or condemnation. On that day, I was wearing my usual civilian clothes, with a full beard and a disheveled wig.I took this unseemly attire as a show of bravery, and so went into the hall where the King, Queen, Royal Family, and the whole court were coming.I ran and sat in the box into which M. Cully had shown me, which was his own.It was a large box at the side of the stage, facing a higher box, where the King and Madame de Pompadour sat.I'm surrounded by ladies and I'm the only man, and I don't doubt that I was put there on purpose for all to see.As soon as the lights came on, I began to feel uneasy when I saw myself dressed like this, among so many people all dressed up.I couldn't help but ask myself if I was sitting where I was supposed to be, and if I was dressed appropriately; I felt uneasy, but after a few minutes I answered my question with a kind of daring: "Yes. , yes." This kind of fearless spirit may come from the fact that there are more people who ride a tiger but less people who are righteous.I said to myself: "I'm sitting where I should be, because I'm watching my play, I'm invited, that's why I wrote it, and I'm strictly No one, after all, is more entitled to the fruits of my labor and talent than I am. I dress as I have always been, neither better nor worse: if I begin to be old again in any one thing I bow my head to popular opinion, and soon I shall again be enslaved to it in all things. In order to be always my true self, I should never feel ashamed to dress myself according to the profession I have chosen: My appearance is plain and unkempt, but not disheveled; the beard itself is not dirty, for it is what nature has given us, and, according to the times and fashions, it is sometimes an ornament. People will Think I'm ridiculous and rude! Hey! What does it matter? I should learn to stand the laughing, as long as it's not what I deserve." After talking to myself, I was so courageous that , if necessary, I can jump through hoops.But, perhaps because of the king's presence, perhaps because of the natural inclination of the human heart, I saw nothing but courtliness and courtesy in the curiosity that had me as its object.I was greatly moved, and even worried for myself and the success or failure of my play, for fear of disappointing such lavish expectations, because everyone seemed to be waiting to applaud me.I had been prepared for the jeers, but this geniality of theirs, which I had not expected, overwhelmed me so much that I trembled like a child when the performance began.

Before long I had reason to be relieved.As far as the actors are concerned, the acting is not good, but as far as the music is concerned, the singing is good and the performance is also good.The first act was so simple and touching, that I have since heard murmurs of wonder and admiration in the boxes, which I have never heard before in a performance of this type of play.This kind of excitement that continued to increase quickly infected the audience. In Montesquieu's words, this is to improve the effect from the effect itself.This effect reaches its culmination in the scene in which a male and female farmer has a dialogue.No applause was allowed in the king's presence, which made every line audible: both the script and the author had their share.I heard all around me many beautiful women chirping, whispering to each other, "It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. There's not a single note that doesn't touch your heart." I was so moved by so many lovely people, this kind of The fun moved me to tears myself; by the time of the first duet I could not hold back the tears, and I noticed that I was not the only one crying.For a moment I was absorbed in my thoughts, and I recalled the scene of the concert at Mr. Tretorren's.This recollection has the taste of a slave laureling a victor; but it was fleeting, and I soon enjoyed fully and single-mindedly the pleasure of appreciating my own glory.However, I am convinced that at that time, the sexual impulse far outweighed the vanity of the author; no doubt, if only men were present, I would never be as hot as I was then, eager to use my lips. Suck up those sweet tears that I shed.I have seen plays which provoked a more ardent admiration, but never such a general, such a beautiful, such a moving ecstasy which seized a whole theater audience, especially at court, again for the first performance. .Anyone who saw this scene should remember it, because its effect was unprecedented.

Monsieur the Duke of Aumont sent me that night to go to the Palace at about eleven o'clock the next day, and asked me to have an audience with the king.It was Mr. Juli who sent me this message. He also added that he thought he wanted to give me an annuity.Its theory was developed by Meng Ke, and later, the king will announce it to me personally. Who would have believed that the night that followed such a glorious day was a night of anxiety and embarrassment for me?When I think of the audience, I first think that I will need to go out often, and this need has caused me a lot of troubles at the theater that night. Tomorrow, I will be in the gallery or in the king's house with all the dignitaries. To be together, and to wait for His Majesty to pass by, will make me miserable.This defect has been the chief cause of my refraining from society, and of staying indoors with ladies.I have only to think of the embarrassment to which this need might lead me, and I am so anxious that I cannot help making jokes, which I would rather die than laugh at.Only those who have tasted it can understand the fear of not taking such risks.

Then I imagined being in front of the king again, and being introduced to His Majesty, His Majesty paused and spoke to me.When answering, you need to be accurate and calm.Will my accursed shyness, which confuses me even in the presence of the most insignificant stranger, spare me in the presence of the King of France?Will it make me say the right thing at the right time?I wished, without giving up the seriousness and tone to which I was accustomed, and at the same time expressing my gratitude for the honor bestowed upon me by such a great sovereign, that I should, therefore, in a stately and proper There is a little great and salutary truth in the hymn.In order to prepare clever answers in advance, it was necessary to guess what he might say to me, and, I am convinced, even if I guessed well, I could not recall even a word of the pre-thought-out words when I was in his presence.At this time, in front of the civil and military officials of the court, if in my panic, I reveal a sentence or a half of my usual stupid words, what will I look like?This danger alarmed me, frightened me, trembled, and made me determined not to let myself be made such a fool of myself.

I lost, it is true, the annuity, so to speak,; but I was also relieved of the yoke which it would have put upon me.With annuities, truth is over, freedom is over;According to legend, he was once the Lingyin of Hangu, and he met Lao Tzu who went west, and his courage was over.How can we still talk about independence and indifference from now on?As soon as I accepted the annuity, I was obliged to flatter or keep silent: and who can guarantee that the annuity will come to me?How many negotiations have to be done!How many people must be entreated!To keep the annuity would be more troublesome and unpleasant than not to have it.Therefore, I feel that to give up this annuity is to adopt a decision that is in line with my life principles, to be practical and not to lose face.I told Grimm of my resolution, and he had no objection.For the others, I cite health only as an excuse and leave that morning. My departure was a sensation, and met with general condemnation.My reasons are impossible to be understood by everyone.All voices accuse me of acting out of foolish pride.This satisfies the jealousy of anyone who wouldn't otherwise.The next day, Geliotte wrote me a note detailing the success of my play and how the king himself was fascinated.He told me: "All day long His Majesty the King sings 'I have lost my servant; I have lost all my happiness.'" And he added, no Half a month after its release, "Country Fortune Teller" will be performed again, and this second performance will prove the complete success of the first performance in front of the entire public. Two days later, at about nine o'clock in the evening, I was going into Madam d'Epinay's to dine there, when I saw a carriage approaching me at the door.Someone from the carriage clapped my hands and told me to get in.I went up and saw that it was Diderot.He talked to me about the annuity with such enthusiasm as I had hardly expected a philosopher to be on such a subject.He didn't think it a crime in me not to want to see the king, but he thought it a crime that I was so indifferent to the annuity.He said to me that it would be all right if I did not care for material gain, but for Madame le Vasseur and her daughter, and that it was my duty not to forsake any possible legitimate use. method to seek living expenses for them.As it could not be said that I had refused the annuity after all, he insisted that since it seemed intended that the annuity should be granted to me, I should make the request.And be sure to get it at any cost.Although I appreciated his zeal, I did not appreciate his wise words, and we had a violent quarrel on the subject, the first of which I had with him.The fights we've had have always been of this sort, where he's pushing me to do what he thinks I should do, and I refuse to do it because I don't think I should. It was late when we parted.I wanted to take him to dinner at Madame d'Epinay's, but he refused.I wanted to unite all the people I loved; out of this desire I made great efforts at different times to make him visit her and even take her to his door Berlin School 1920s-30s A girl who showed up at the University of Berlin, and he turned us away, always refusing to see him, and always talking about her with contempt.It was only after my quarrel with her, and then with him, that they became friendly and he began to speak of her with admiration. From that time on, Diderot and Grimm seemed to have endeavored to alienate my two "goveresesses" from me, by insinuating to them that it was my fault that they should not be more well off, Saying that they will never have a good time following me.They could not get them to leave me, and they promised to find them a job in a salt distribution station, a tobacco shop, etc., on Madam d'Epinay's favor.They also tried to drag Duclos and Holbach into their alliance, but Duclos kept refusing to go with them.I had felt a little of the whole trick at the time, but it was only much later that I figured it out.I have often complained of the blind and eventful zeal of my friends, who contrive to throw me into the most solitary and desolate situations when I am so ill; The method can only bring me misfortune. During the Carnival of 1753, "The Country Fortune Teller" was performed in Paris.Before that, I found time to write the prelude and interlude.This interlude, like the printed one, should be performed from beginning to end, and run through with a theme in order to provide some interesting scenes.But when I put this suggestion to the opera, it was not even listened to, so I had to intersperse it, as usual, with some singing and dancing: so that the interlude, though full of many wonderful things, The drama faded, but achieved only mediocre success.I canceled Geliotte's recitative, and restored my original one, which is now in print.This recitative, I admit, is a little Frenchized, that is to say, dragged on by the actors, but it not only does not jar the audience, but it achieves by no means less success than the aria, and the audience even feels that it is at least written. Gotta be as good as Aria.I dedicate my play to Duclos, as its protector.I also declare that this will be my only dedication.But I later obtained his consent and made a second dedication. However, he should think that he has this exception, which is more glorious than not having this exception. I have many interesting anecdotes to tell about this play, but I have more important things to say, and I don't have time to say more here.Perhaps one day I will return to these anecdotes in a supplement.However, in spite of this, "it is often not beneficial to nature because of nature." ③ pointed out.Wei Heyan of the Three Kingdoms "Anonymous Theory":, there is an anecdote that I have to mention, it may have something to do with the whole of the following.I was visiting Baron Holbach's scores one day in his study.After I browsed all kinds of music scores, he pointed to a collection of piano pieces and said to me: "This is written especially for me. It has a unique flavor and is suitable for singing. No one but me I don't know, and never will. You should pick one for your intermission." I have more songs and ensembles in my head than I can use, and I Of course I don't care about his songs.However, he urged me again and again, so I chose an idyll, condensed it, and changed it into a trio for Colette's female companions when they played.A few months later, when The Country Divinator was still playing, I went to Grimm's house one day and found a crowd round his piano.Grimm got up from his piano as soon as he saw me.Unconsciously, I glanced at his frame and saw that it was Baron Holbach's music collection, opening the very piece he urged me to adopt and promised never to leave his hands.Not long afterward, one day, when a recital was being given at M. d'Epinay's house, I saw the same collection of music spread out on his piano.Neither Grimm nor anyone else has ever spoken of this piece; and I would not have mentioned it here, had it not been for the rumor that I was not the author of The Country Divinator some time later. this matter.As I was never much of a musician, I am convinced that if it hadn't been for my Musical Dictionary, people would have ended up saying I didn't know anything about music. Some time before the performance of "The Divinator of the Village," some Italian burlesque actors came to Paris and were asked to sing on the stage of the Opera, without foreseeing the influence they would have.Bad though they were, and the orchestra was so bad at the time, that they spoiled the libretto they played, yet their performances made French opera so inferior that it has never recovered.The two musics of France and Italy, played on the same day and on the same stage, opened the ears of the French: after hearing the lively and strong tunes of Italian music, no one's ears could bear them anymore. The draw of the native music was gone; the audience was gone as soon as the burlesque actors were done.People were forced to change the order and let the comedians perform last.At that time, "Eggler", "Heavenly God" was being played, but they were all untenable.Only "The Country Fortune Teller" can compare, even after "Servapadrona" ("The Handmaid's Mistress") is still listened to.When I wrote my short play, I was full of that type of music in my head, and I was inspired by this type of music.But I never imagined that anyone would check our skits against that kind of music one by one.If I were a plagiarist, how many of my plagiarisms should have been exposed, and how much effort should people have to spend to expose these plagiarisms!But there is nothing wrong with it: they have tried their best not to find in my music the slightest trace of any other kind of music.All my songs are new compared with the so-called original, just as the nature of the music I create is new.Had Montonville or Rameau been subjected to such an ordeal, they would have been crushed to pieces. Those burlesque actors won a very enthusiastic following for Italian music.The whole of Paris was divided into two parties, more violent than disputes over national affairs or religious questions.One faction is more powerful and more numerous, and they are all princes, rich people and ladies, who support French music; the other is more confident and fierce, and they are all real experts, some talented and talented people.The whole party was assembled under the queen's box at the opera.The other faction filled the whole block and nave, but the center was under the king's box.Those famous faction names at that time, the so-called "King's Corner" and "Queen's Corner", came from here.The debate became more and more heated, and many pamphlets were produced. The "King's Horn" wanted to joke, but was ridiculed by "The Minor Prophets"; they wanted to reason, but were defeated by "Letters on French Music".These two little essays, the former by Grimm and the latter by me, are the only two works which survived the controversy: the rest have vanished into thin air. But The Minor Prophets - long believed to have been written by me, despite my denials - was treated as a game article, and the author was not wronged in any way.But the "Letter on French Music" has attracted people to become serious, and the French are united in their opposition to the different attributes of my entity. , considered French music insulted.The unbelievable consequences of this pamphlet are worthy of Tacitus' history.It was the time when the House and the Church were at odds.The House had just been dissolved, and the furor was at its height: an armed uprising was on the verge of breaking out.As soon as the pamphlet came out, all the arguments were forgotten, and everyone only thought about the crisis of French music. The so-called uprising was aimed at me.The momentum of this siege was so great that the whole country has not completely forgotten it.At the court, the question was simply whether to put me in the Bastille or to banish me.If Mr. Foyer hadn't pointed out that such a fuss was ridiculous, the imperial decree would have been issued.People who heard later that my pamphlet might have stopped a revolution throughout the country must think it was a dream.Yet it was a perfectly true fact, and all Paris can now attest to it, for the strange anecdote was only a little more than fifteen years ago. Although my freedom was not hindered, I was insulted and even my life was threatened.The orchestra at the Opera House was grandly plotting to assassinate me as I walked out of the theater.I was told this, and I went to the opera more often, only to find out much later that Mr. Ainsley, the musketeer officer who was my great friend, sent me a Only in this way did the plot fail.The Opera House had just come under the jurisdiction of the municipality, and the first act of the mayor of Paris was to cancel my admission ticket, and he did it so shamelessly that he publicly refused me on admission, so that I had to buy one. Pool seat tickets, to avoid the embarrassment of being bumped back that day.This unfair treatment is particularly outrageous because the only price I paid for giving them my script was permanent free admission.Although this free admission is the right of all authors, and I am doubly entitled to it, I made it official in the presence of M. Duclos.It is true that the cashier at the opera gave me fifty louis d'or as a reward without my asking, but not only were these fifty louis not worth the sum due to me by law, but this sum was not equal to The right of admission is irrelevant, because this right of admission is formal and has nothing to do with the remuneration.The crime and brutality of their practice was such that the general public, even though the hostility against me was at its height, was still shocked; those who insulted me yesterday shouted in the hall today, saying that this deprivation of a person The writer's right of entry is really shameful, saying that the writer is fully entitled to this right, and can even ask for double rights.The Italian proverb is true, Ogn'unamalagiustiziaincasad'altrui (everyone does justice in the affairs of others). In this case, I have only one option.既然对方取消了原来约定的代价，我就索回我的作品。我为此写信给达让森先生，他那时正主管歌剧院那一部门，我在信里附了一份备忘录，列举的理由是不容置辩的，但是始终不得答复，也无效果，那封信也是一样。这个不公正的人的沉默，我一直不能忘怀，我对他的品质和才能始终是不大佩服的，这次的沉默更不能增加我对他的钦佩。就这样，他们把我的剧本扣留在歌剧院而把我让予的代价强行剥夺了。弱者对强者如此，就叫做盗窃；强者对弱者如此，不过是把他人的财产据为已有而已。 至于这部作品的经济收益，虽然我只收到它在别人手里可能产生的四分之一，数目仍然相当可观，够我生活几年，并且补充我抄缮工作的不足者主要代表有米海洛夫斯基等。哲学基础是实证主义、新康，因为抄缮工作一直是进行得不够好的。我得到了国王的一百个金路易，又从美景宫的演出得到了蓬巴杜尔夫人的五十个金路易——在这次演出中，蓬巴杜尔夫人亲自饰科兰一角，——再加上歌剧院的五十个金路易和比索刻印剧本的五百法郎。这个短剧，一共只费了我五、六个星期的工夫，尽管我运气不好，做事又笨拙，还是使我挣到了差不多和后来《爱弥儿》使我挣得的同样多的钱，而《爱弥儿》却费了我二十年的思考，三年的劳动。不过我为这剧本给我造成的宽裕的经济条件也付出了相当的代价，因为它给我招来了无穷的烦恼：它是许多在很久以后才爆发出来的暗中忌妒的根苗。自从这个剧本取得成功以后，我再也看不到格里姆、狄德罗以及差不多所有我认识的文人从前的那种恳挚坦率，那种一见我就表现出来的兴高采烈了。我在男爵家一露面，大家就停止了一般的交谈。人们分成一小群、一个堆的，彼此窃窃私语，我一人呆在那里不知跟谁说话才好。这种令人难堪的摒弃，我长久以来都豁达对之；由于霍尔巴赫夫人和蔼可亲，始终很好地接待我，只要她丈夫的那种粗鲁的态度还能忍受得了，我就忍着。但是有一天，他竟毫无道理、毫无借口、粗暴万分地攻击我。当时狄德罗和马尔让西都在场，狄德罗一声也没有吭，马尔让西后来时常对我说，他真佩服我当时回答的那种温和态度和克制工夫。霍尔巴赫的这种失态等于下逐客令，我终于走出了他的家门，决心不再回去了。虽然如此，我每谈到他和他那一家人，总还是怀着尊敬的态度，而他一谈起我来，却用一些侮辱性的、鄙视的字眼，开口闭口都是“那个小学究”，不用任何别的称呼，然而，他又说不出我对他或对他所关心的任何人有过任何对不起的地方。就这样，他终于证实了我当初的那些预言和担心。就我而言，我相信我上述的那些朋友是会原谅我写书的，并且会原谅我写出极好的书，因为这种光荣并非他们所不能有的，但是他们不能原谅我写出了一出歌剧，更不能原谅我这出歌剧获得了辉煌的成功，因为他们中间没有一个人能走上这样的道路，更不能指望这样的光荣。只有一个杜克洛超脱于这种妒忌之上，他甚至对我更加友爱，并且把我引进季诺小姐家里，在那儿，正跟霍尔巴赫先生家里相反，我受到了尊重、优礼和爱戴。 正当歌剧院演《乡村卜师》的时候，法兰西喜剧院也在谈它的作者，不过结果稍差一点。由于七、八年来我都没有能使我的《纳尔西斯》在意大利剧院演出，我也就讨厌这个剧院了，觉得那些演员用法语演剧并不高明，我很想把我的剧本拿给法国演员演，而不再给他们演。我把我这个愿望对演员拉努说了，我跟拉努本来就认识，并且，大家都知道，他是个出色的人物，又是个作家。《纳尔西斯》很合他的意，他负责使它作为无名氏的作品演出，并在事先就送了我一些入场券，这使我很高兴，因为我一直是喜欢法兰西剧院超过那另外两个剧院的。剧本被鼓掌通过了，并且不宣布作者姓名就演出了，但是我有理由相信，演员们和很多其他的人并不是不知道作者是谁。古桑和格兰瓦尔两位小姐饰多情女郎的角色；虽然，据我看，全剧的精神没有被掌握，但也不能因此就说绝对演得不好。不过，我对观众的宽厚是很惊讶的，并且也很感动，他们竟有耐性安安静静地从头听到尾，甚至还容许它第二次演出，没有丝毫不耐烦的表现。在我这方面，初演时就感到那么厌烦，以致无法坚持到底。我一出剧院就钻进普罗高普咖啡馆，在那里遇到波瓦西和其他几个人，他们大概也是和我一样，厌烦得坐不下去了。我在那里公开地表示了我的Peccavi（真诚的认错），谦卑地、或者说自豪地承认了我是那个剧本的作者，并且说出了大家心里想说的话。写了一个垮了台的坏剧本而且还公开承认自己是作者，这一行径博得了大家的赞赏，而我也并不觉得怎样难堪。我这种坦白承认的勇气还使自己的自尊心得到了某种补偿。我现在仍然相信，在这种情况下，直说出来的骄傲，实在多于不说出来的无谓的羞惭。这个剧本，演出虽然是冷冰冰的，但能够读得下去，所以我把它印出来了。前面的那篇序是我的佳作之一，我在这篇序里，开始阐述我的许多原理，比我直到那时为止所曾阐述的要多一些。 不久我就有机会在一个更为重要的作品里把这些原理彻底地发挥出来了。我记得，就是在这个一七五三年，第戎学院发表了以《人类不平等的起源》为题的征文章程。这个大题目使我产生了强烈的印象，很惊讶这个学院居然敢把这样一个问题提出来。但是，它既然有这样的勇气提，我也就有这样的勇气写，于是我就动手写了。 为着自由自在地思考这个重大的题目，我到圣－日尔曼去作了一次为期七、八天的旅行，同行的有戴莱丝和我们的女主人（她是个正派女人）以及她的一个女友。我把这次旅行看成是平生最惬意的旅行之一。天气十分晴明，这两位善良的女人负责照顾一切，掌管开销；戴莱丝和她们一起玩；我呢个完整的世界观，是一个哲学体系”，马克思主义的无产阶级，不需要操一点心，到吃饭的时候就跟她们无拘无束地寻点乐趣。 每天其余的时间，我就钻到树林深处，在那里寻找并且找到了原始时代的景象，我勇敢地描写了原始时代的历史。我扫尽人们所说的种种谎言，放胆把他们的自然本性赤裸裸地揭露出来，把时代的推移和歪曲人的本性的诸事物的进展都原原本本地叙述出来；然后，我拿人为的人和自然的人对比，向他们指出，人的苦难的真正根源就在于人的所谓进化。我的灵魂被这些崇高的沉思默想激扬起来了，直升腾至神明的境界；从那里我看到我的同类正盲目地循着他们充满成见、谬误、不幸和罪恶的路途前进，我以他们不能听到的微弱声音对他们疾呼：“你们这些愚顽者啊，你们总是怪自然不好，要知道，你们的一切痛苦都是来启你们自身的呀！” 《论不平等》就是这些默想的结果。这部作品比我所有其他的作品都更合狄德罗的口味，并且他为这部作品所提的意见对于我也最为有益，但是这部作品在全欧洲却只有很少的读者能读懂，而在能读懂的读者之中又没有一个愿意谈论它。它是为着应征而写的：我就把它寄出去了，但是心里预先就已经料定它不会得奖，因为我深知各学院之设置奖金绝不是为着征求这种货色的。 这次旅行和这次写作对我的气质和健康都有好处。我因苦于尿闭症而完全听任医生摆布已经有好几年了，他们没有减轻我的痛楚，反而耗尽了我的精力，毁坏了我的体质。从圣－日尔曼回来后，我的体质增强了一些作为认识活动中心的主体概念。断言有意识的自觉活动着的，自己感到好多了。我就按照这种办法去做，决心不管是痊愈还是死亡，反正不找医生不吃药，永远跟医药绝缘。这样，我就开始过一天算一天：如果不能出门，就安安静静地呆着，一有气力走动，就走动一下。在巴黎，跟那些自命不凡的人们在一起，这种生活太不合我的口味了。文人的勾心斗角，他们那些可耻的争吵，写的书那么缺少真诚，在社交界中又是那么一副专断的神气，凡此种种，对我来说，都是太可惜、太格格不入了。就是在跟我的朋友们的交往中，我也太难发现笃实敦厚的气氛、开诚布公的精神、率真的态度。所以，我恨透了这种喧嚣的生活，开始热切地盼望能到乡间居住；即使我的职业不容许我长期乡居，我至少要把我所有的一点空闲时间在乡间度过。有好几个月，我吃过午饭的第一件事，就是独自一人跑到布洛尼森林去散步，思考一些作品的题材，直到夜里才回家。 当时我和果弗古尔来往极其密切，他为了职务关系，不得不到日内瓦去跑一趟，劝我和他同行。I agreed.我的身体不够好，少不了女总督的照顾，因而决定她也同往，让她母亲看家。一切都安排停当，我们三人就在一七五四年六月一日一同启程了。 我应该记下这次旅行，因为这是我活了四十二岁第一次经历的一件事，它震撼了我那与生俱来一直毫无保留地对人的充分信任的本性。我们包了一辆马车，不换马，每天只走很短一段路程。我时常下车步行。我们刚走了一半路程，戴莱丝就表示她极其厌恶独自跟果弗古尔留在车里。每当我不顾她的恳求，还是要下车的时候，她也就下车步行。我把她这样任性的脾气骂了很久，甚至于坚决反对她下车，直到最后，她迫不得已就把原因对我说明了。当我听说我这位年已六十有余，老态龙钟，有脚气病，又因追欢寻乐而断伤了身体的朋友果弗古尔先生，竟然从我们出发的时候起就想败坏一个既已不算貌美，也已不算年轻，而且还是属于他的朋友的女人，简直以为自己是在做梦，好象是从云端掉下来一样。而他这种行为，用的手段又极其卑鄙，极其无耻，甚至于要把自己的钱包送给她，还拿了一本淫书给她读，拿他随身带着的那些淫画给她看，企图借此挑动她。戴莱丝气愤极了，有一次竟把他那本丑书从车窗里扔了出去；我还听说，启程的第一天，一阵剧烈的偏头痛使我没有吃晚饭就去睡了，他就利用这两人相对的一段时间去勾引她，动手动脚，简直象个色情狂，象只骚公羊，绝不象个受我信赖而又托以妻子的正人君子。多么惊人啊！这对我又是一件多么未曾料到的伤心事啊！到那时为止，我一直以为友谊是与构成友谊的魅力的全部可爱而高贵的情感分不开的，现在我却生平第一次感到，我不能不把友谊和轻蔑结合起来了，不能不把我的信赖和尊敬，从我所爱的并且还以为被爱的一个人身上收回来了！那个老无赖还在我面前瞒着他那卑鄙龌龊的行为呢。为了不叫戴莱丝为难，我也不得不在他面前瞒着我对他的鄙视，把他一定不会知道的那些反感放在我的心灵深处隐藏起来。你，友谊的甜美而神圣的幻象啊！果弗古尔第一个把你的纱幕在我的眼前揭开了。从那时起又有多少残酷无情的手阻止这个纱幕重新合上啊！ 到了里昂，我就跟果弗古尔分了手，另走萨瓦那条路，因为我不忍心再从离妈妈那么近的地方走过而不去看看她。我看到她了……她的境况多么惨啊，天哪！这是怎样的堕落！她初期的那种美德怎么就荡然无存了？她是当年彭维尔神父叫我去找的那位美貌动人的华伦夫人吗？我的心多么难过啊！我看她没有什么别的办法了献是在唯心主义统治德国达数十年之久后，恢复了唯物主义，只有迁地为宜。我早已在我的信里再三敦促她来跟我安安静静地一同生活，我愿意和戴莱丝尽毕生之力使她能享点幸福，这次我又热烈地重复这种请求，但是终归无效。她死钉住她的年金，不听我的话，而她那份年金，虽然照付不误，她自己却长久以来花不到一文钱了。我还是把我的钱分了一小部分给她，如果我不是绝对深知我分给她的钱她一文也享受不到的话，我本应该而且也一定会多分一点给她的。在我居住日内瓦时期，她到沙伯莱作了一次旅行，并且到格兰日运河来看我。她没有钱完成她的旅程，当时我身上又没有那么多钱，一小时后我叫戴莱丝拿去送给她。可怜的妈妈啊！让我把她这一次心地善良的表现再大书一笔吧。她剩下的最后一件首饰就只有一个小戒指了，她把它从自己的手指上脱下来戴到戴莱丝的手指上，戴莱丝立即就又把它脱下来，再套上她的手指，同时洒着热泪亲吻着那只高贵的手。what!这时正是我偿债的适当时刻啊！我应该抛弃一切而跟她走，相依为命，直到她最后一息，同甘共苦，不问她遭遇如何。我却没有这样做。由于我被另一份感情分了心，我感到我对她的感情也淡薄了，不能指望我的感情对她能有点好处。我为她嗟叹，却没有跟她走。在我生平所感到的一切内疚之中，这个内疚是最强烈、最抱恨终身的。为此，我就理该受到从那时起不断降到我头上来的那些严厉的惩罚：愿这些惩罚能把我的忘恩负义之罪全部抵偿掉吧！这种忘恩负义是表现在我的行为上的，但是它却如此深地刺伤了我的心，足见我这颗心从来也不是一个志恩负义者的心。 在离开巴黎以前，我已经把《论不平等》那篇文章的献词草拟好了。我把这篇献词在尚贝里写完，就注明某年月日写于尚贝里，因为我想，为着避免一切挑剔，还是宁可不注明写于法兰西或写于日内瓦为好。一到日内瓦，我就沉浸于驱使我回到日内瓦的那种共和主义的激情之中。这种激情又因我在那里所受到的欢迎而更加高涨。我受到各界人士的盛情招待和爱护，满腔沸腾着爱国热忱；但因为我在祖先所奉的宗教之外另奉了一种宗教，从而被剥夺了公民权，所以我又很感到羞惭。于是我决心公开地重奉我祖先的宗教。我想一切基督徒用的都是同样的福音节，而教条内容之所以不同又只是由于各人对自己所不能理解的部分强加解释，那么，在每一个国家里，只有统治者有权确定教义和这不可理解的教条，因此，公民的义务就是承认这个教条，遵从法律所规定的教义。我和百科全书派的人们往来，远没有动摇我的信仰，反而使我的信仰由于我对论争与派系的天然憎恶而更加坚定了。我对人与宇宙的研究，到处都给我指出那主宰着人与宇宙的终极原因与智慧。几年以来，我致力于研读《圣经》，特别是福音书，早就使我鄙视最不配了解耶稣基督的人们所给予耶稣基督的那些卑劣而愚昧的解释。总之，哲学使我追求宗教的精髓，也就使我摆脱了人们用以壅塞宗教的那一堆垃圾般的毫不足道的公式。我既认为对于一个有理性的人来说，没有两种做基督徒的方式，也就认为，凡是与形式和纪律有关的一切，在每一个国度里都属于法律的范围。由于这个原理——这么合情合理的、这么富有社会性的、这么和平的、却又曾给我招来那么残酷迫害的原理——当然要得出这样的结论；我既要做公民，我就应该做新教徒，重新回到我国既定的教义。我决定这样做了；我只希望不一定要到教务会议席前去受讯问。然而圣教法令对这一点却是有明文规定的，不过人们居然愿意为我通融办理。他们指定了一个五、六人组成的委员会来个别地听我发表改宗声明。不幸得很，佩尔得利奥牧师——他对人亲切而又和蔼，我跟他很有交情——竟然想起对我说，大家以能听到我在这个小集会中致词为快。这种期待叫我害怕极了，以致我用了三个星期的工夫，日日夜夜研究一篇准备好的短小的演说词，但到要宣读的时候，慌得连一个字也说不出来了。在这个会议席上，我竟做了最愚蠢的小学生，审查委员们替我说话，我呆呆地回答着“是”或“不是”。然后，我就被纳入教团，公民权恢复了。我以公民的身份载入了保安税册，这种保安税只有公民兼市民才缴纳的，我还参加了国民议会的一饮非常全体会议，从执行委员缪沙尔那里接受誓言。对国民议会和教务会议这次对我表示的那种种感情，以及全体官员、牧师和公民的那种种恳挚而客气的态度，我心中非常感激，所以我一面受到那位不离左右的好朋友德吕克的催促，另一面又特别受到我自己内心倾向的驱使，就一心只想回到巴黎去把家庭拆散，把我那些琐事处理一下，把勒·瓦瑟太太和她的丈夫安置好，或者供给他们些赡养费，然后再带着戴莱丝回到日内瓦来，安度余生。 这样一决定，我就把正经事都暂时停了下来，以便跟我的朋友们一直玩到启程的时候。在所有这些游乐当中，最使我开心的是我和德吕克老头、他的儿媳、他的两个儿子以及我的戴莱丝一同乘船作的那次环湖游览。我们用七天时间作了这一次环游，天气是再好也不过的。我对湖那一边引起我惊叹的许多风景都留下了强烈的印象，几年之后，我就在《新爱洛伊丝》里把这些景色描写了下来。 我在日内瓦结识的主要知交，除我已经说过的德吕克一家之外，有青年牧师凡尔纳——我在巴黎就已经认识他了，当时对他的估价比他后来的表现要高些；有佩尔得利奥先生——当时是乡村牧师，今天是文学教授神，通过理性（哲学）的批判来改变不合理的现实世界。提，和他交游使人如乘春风，这是使我永远怀念的，虽然他后来认为与我绝交就显得是个漂亮角色；有雅拉贝尔先生——当时是物理学教授，后来当国民议会议员兼执行委员，我曾把我的《论不平等》的文章读给他听，不过没有读献词，他似乎非常叹赏；有吕兰教授——直到他死，我和他一直经常通信，早先他甚至还托我为日内瓦图书馆买书；有凡尔宗教授——我对他，曾以种种事实表示我的依恋与信赖之忱，这些事实原该使他感动的，如果一个神学家能被事实感动的话，但是他也和大家一样，我一作这种表示之后，他就转过脸去不理我了；有果弗古尔的助理和继承人沙必伊——他打算顶掉果弗古尔。取而代之，不久自己倒被顶掉了；有马尔赛·德·麦齐埃尔——他原是我父亲的老朋友，以后又表示愿做我的朋友，当年一度为祖国增光，后来做了戏剧作家，并且想当二百人议会的议员，因而就改变了思想作风，死后成为笑柄。但是在所有这些知交之中，我期待最殷的是穆耳杜，由于他多才多艺，思想激烈，确实是个前途无量的青年。虽然他对我常常有点模棱两可，虽然他跟我的许多最险恶的仇人都有联系，我还是一直爱他，并且我相信有朝一日他将做我死后的辩护人，并为他的朋友复仇。 在这些往还酬酢之中，我继续保持独自散步的爱好和习一惯，我常在湖岸作相当远的漫步，在这些漫步当中，我那劳动惯了的脑子总是没有闲的时候。我琢磨着我已经订好的《政治制度论》一书的纲要——不久我就要谈到这部书；我又思考一部《瓦莱地方志》和一篇散文悲剧的大纲——这篇悲剧的主题是卢克丽霞，虽然我是在这不幸的女子已不能在法国戏剧中出现的时候大着胆子再让她在舞台上出现，我仍然存着希望，压垮那些敢于嘲笑我的人们。我同时又拿塔西陀来试手，把他的历史第一卷译了出来，译文现在收在我的文稿之中。 我在日内瓦住了四个月之后，于十月间回到了巴黎。我避免经过里昂，省得又碰见果弗古尔。因为我预定的计划是开春再回日内瓦，所以我在冬天就又恢复了我的生活习惯和正常工作，其中主要的是校阅我的《论不平等》的校样。这部稿子是我委托书商雷伊在荷兰印的，雷伊是我在日内瓦刚认识的新交。由于这部作品是献给共和国的，而这篇献词又可能不中国民议会的意，所以我想等一等，看看献词在日内瓦产生的效果怎样，然后再回日内瓦去。这效果果然于我不利；这篇献词本是最纯洁的爱国热忱驱使我写出来的，却给我在国民议会中招来了许多敌人，在市民中招来了许多忌妒者。舒埃先生当时是首席执行委员，他给我写了一封很客气然而很冷淡的信，原信存在我的函件辑里，甲札第三号。从私人方面——其中有德吕克和雅拉贝尔，我得到了若干奖饰之词；如此而已。我就没有看到一个日内瓦人感谢我在这部作品里表现出来的由衷的热忱。这种冷漠的态度，凡是注意到的人都感到愤愤不平。还记得有一天，我到克利什去，在杜宾夫人家吃饭，同席的有共和国代办克罗姆兰，还有梅朗先生。梅朗先生在席上当众说，国民议会应该为这本书对我有所馈赠，并予以公开褒奖，否则它就有失体面。克罗姆兰是个瘦小而熏黑的人，卑鄙险恶，他不敢在我面前作任何答复，便做了一个可怕的鬼脸，逗得杜宾夫人笑了起来。这部作品为我挣得的唯一好处，除了满足了我自己的良心而外，就是那公民的称号，这个称号是由我的许多朋友，接着又由公众赠给我的。后来我又失掉了这个称号，只是因为我太配享有这个称号了。 然而，如果没有对我的内心产生更大影响的某些动机的话，单是这个失败是不会阻止我去执行退隐日内瓦的计划的。埃皮奈先生要把舍弗莱特府第原来缺少的那一翼侧的房子添建起来，为此花了很大一笔钱。有一天，我跟埃皮奈夫人一起去看这些工程开广泛的总的联系去进行考察，把事物看成永恒不变的东西。，我们顺便散散步，往前多走了大约四分之一里约的样子，直走到花园的那个大蓄水池旁。这儿跟蒙莫朗西森林紧挨着，还有一片漂亮的菜园及一所破烂不堪的小房子，称之为退隐庐。这个幽静而十分可爱的地点，我在去日内瓦旅行之前第一次看见时就注意到了，我曾在兴奋之中不知不觉地冒出过这样一句话：“啊！夫人，多么美妙的住所啊！这才是为我天造地设的一个退隐地点呢。”埃皮奈夫人当时对我这句话没有显得怎样在意。但是这次重来，我非常惊讶地看到，旧房子没有了，换了一所几乎全新的小住宅，房间安排得很好，正合三口之家居住。原来埃皮奈夫人不声不响地叫人做了这件事，并且花钱不多，只从府第工程抽出一点材料和几个工人而已。旧地重游，她看到我如此惊讶，便对我说：“我的狗熊啊，这就是你的退隐地点；你自己选了它，现在是友谊把它献给你。我希望这份友谊能使你放弃你要离开我的那个残酷无情的念头。”我不相信我这一辈子曾经历过比这更强烈、更愉快的感动：我的眼泪沾满了我那女友的慈惠之手；虽然当时我没有完全被征服，却已经极端动摇了。埃皮奈夫人不愿功败垂成，便再三催促我，用尽了方法，托尽了人，来争取我，甚至为了达到这个目的，还怂恿勒·瓦瑟太太和她的女儿来支持她，所以最后她胜利了，使我改变了决心。我放弃了返居祖国的计划，决定并答应来退隐庐住下。她一面等房子干燥，一面忙着准备家具，等到一切齐全，开春就可以迁入了。 还有件事，也大有助于促使我下这个决心，那就是伏尔泰在日内瓦附近的定居。我知道这个人会在日内瓦闹得天翻地覆的；我若是再去，就会在我的祖国碰到巴黎的那种气氛、风尚和习俗，我又要不断地论战；而且在行动方面，要就是做俗不可耐的迂夫子，要就是做胆小怕事的坏公民，别无他途。伏尔泰关于我的后一部作品写给我的那封信，使我有理由在我的复信里婉转说明我的种种隐忧；那封信产生的结果把我的隐忧都证实了。从此，我认为日内瓦无可救药了，而我也确实没有想错。如果我自觉有此能力的话，也许我应该去顶住那场狂风暴雨。但是我只是单独一人，又羞涩，又极不善词令，而要去对付一个目空一切、富敌王侯、既有大人先生们为他撑腰、又有口若悬河的辩才作他的支柱、而且已经成为女人和青年们的偶像的人，又能做得出什么来呢？我担心冒险犯难，徒劳无益，因而我听从了我的和平的天性，听从了我对安宁的爱好。这种对安宁的爱好，当年使我走错了路，今天在这同一问题上还是使我走错了路。如果我退隐到日内瓦，我能为我自己免掉许多大灾大难；可是我怀疑，即使以我这全部炽烈的爱国热忱，我又能为祖国做出什么伟大而又有益的事来呢。 特龙香也差不多就是在这时候到日内瓦定居的，不久后到巴黎来闯江湖，赚了大批钱带走了。他一到，就跟让古尔骑士一起来看我。埃皮奈夫人很希望请他个别诊治，但是就诊的人太多，不容易挤进去。她找我设法。我就促特龙香去看她。他们俩就是这样，在我的介绍之下，开始有了交谊，后来他们关系密切了，反叫我吃了苦头。我的命运一直就是这样的；我一把彼此不相关的两个朋友联系起来，他们就准联合起来反对我。不过，虽然特龙香一家在他们从那时就参预的那套使祖国沦于被奴役地位的阴谋之中，个个都把我恨之入骨，这医生却还在很长一段时间内继续对我表示好感。他甚至在回日内瓦后还写信给我，建议我到日内瓦去任图书馆荣誉馆长之职呢。但是我的决心已经下定了，这番盛意没有使我动摇。 也就是在这个时期，我又一次拜访了霍尔巴赫先生，因为他的夫人去世了。霍尔巴赫夫人跟弗兰格耶夫人都是在我小住日内瓦时去世的。狄德罗把霍尔巴赫夫人的噩耗告诉我的时候，说她的丈夫是如何如何悲痛。他的悲痛打动了我的心。我自己也深切怀念这位和蔼可亲的女人，为此写了一封信给霍尔巴赫。这件丧事使我把他一切对不起人的作为都忘得一干二净了；当我从日内瓦回来的时候故得此名。，当他跟格里姆和其他几个朋友周游法国，排遣愁思，也回到巴黎的时候，我就去看他；后来还继续去看他，直到我迁居退隐庐为止。在他那个小圈子里，人们一知道埃皮奈夫人——这时霍尔巴赫尚未跟埃皮奈夫人来往——正在为我准备住所，大家的挖苦嘲笑便和冰雹一般落到我头上来了。他们扬言我需要人家捧场，需要都市的娱乐，连半个月的寂寞也忍耐不了。我自己心里有数，让他们说去，还是我行我素。霍尔巴赫先生免不了对我还是有点好处的，他给勒·瓦瑟老头找到了一个可以安置的地方；老头那时有八十多岁了，他的妻子感到他是个很大的累赘，一个劲儿请我把他打发走。他被送到一个慈善机关去了。差不多一到那里，衰老之年和离家之痛就把他送进了坟墓。他的妻子和其他的孩子们都不怎么怀念他，但是戴莱丝疼爱老父，一直就抱恨终天，后悔不该让老人以风蚀之年，远离她而了此残生。 差不多与此同时，有个客人来拜访我。虽然他是我的一个旧相识，这次来访却完全出乎我的意料。我是说我的朋友汪杜尔，他有一天早晨在我万想不到的时候突然来了。另外还有一个人跟他一起。我觉得他变得多么厉害啊！早年的风韵完全没有了，我只见他一副下流样子，使我无法跟他放怀畅叙。也许是我的眼光变了，也许是酒色使他变得迟钝了，再不然他那早年的神来是出于青春的光辉，而现在青春时期早已逝去了。我几乎是无动于衷地接待了他，我们又十分冷淡地分了手。但是他走了之后，我们往日交游的旧情又强烈地勾起了我青春时代的回忆。我的青春是那么温馨地、那么诚笃地献给那位天使般的女人的，而现在这位女人的变化之大也不亚于他啊。还有那幸福时代的许多小故事，在托讷度过的那浪漫的一日，当时我是那么天真、那么酣畅地处在那两个妩媚可人的少女之间，她们对我的唯一恩赐就是让我吻了一下她们的手。但是，尽管如此，她们却给我留下了那么强烈、那么动人、那么持久的怅惘；当年我是感到了一颗少年的心的迷人的全部激荡力量的，现在我相信它们是一去不复返了。所有那许多缠绵的回忆使我为已逝的青春、为永别了的青春狂热，洒下了眼泪。well!我对这种狂热的不幸重来又该酒下多少眼泪啊，如果我能早料到它会给我带来这么多的痛苦！ 在我离开巴黎之前，就在我退隐前的那个冬天，我还有过一件十分称心的痛快事，我领略到了它的全部纯洁意味。南锡学士院院士巴利索曾以几部戏剧知名，这时又在吕内维尔当着波兰国王的面演了一出剧。他在这个剧本里写了一个竟敢执笔和国王较量的人，以为这样可以博得国王的青睐。斯塔尼斯拉夫为人豪迈，不欢喜讽刺，一看有人竟敢这样在他面前评说时人，非常愤慨。特莱桑伯爵先生奉这位国王之命，写信给达朗贝和我，通知我说，国王陛下有意把巴利索逐出他的学士院。我回信恳求特莱桑先生在波兰国王面前关说，为巴利索开恩。恩是开了，但特莱桑先生以国王名义通知我时，又补充说，这件事将在学士院的档案上登记下来。我又复信说。这样一来，不是开恩，倒反使一个惩罚传于