Chapter 13 2. Getting to know each other-1

The first time I saw Guanhua was in April or May 1967, when the "Cultural Revolution" was at its height, at a small stationery store diagonally across the alley from my house.Guanhua lived in Baofang Hutong at the time, which was also very close to the stationery store.At that time, after I went through a critical struggle at Beijing Foreign Studies University, the rebel faction just happened to start a faction war, and we "gang minions" "liberated ourselves".The factions organized by the two factions of the school revolved around the struggle of foreign affairs: the "rebel group" was determined to overthrow "Chen, Ji, and Qiao" (Chen Yi, Ji Pengfei, Qiao Guanhua), and the other faction of the "Red Flag Brigade" advocated "one-off" against Comrade Chen Yi. Criticize the Second Security", nor advocate the overthrow of Ji and Qiao.We "old guards" naturally support the "red flag" proposition.The tweeters of the two factions on campus argue and scold endlessly around the issue of "Chen, Ji, and Qiao" from morning to night, but most of the people on both sides of the debate have never seen the true colors of these three controversial figures. .It was at the height of this raucous pie-battle that I walked into the little stationery store one Sunday morning.When I was browsing the pitifully few stationery at that time, a thin and slender figure came in from outside.I turned to look at this customer. He wore glasses and had a stern expression. I felt that he had an air of arrogance defending his own dignity.I couldn't help but look at him a few more times, but he didn't look sideways. When he entered the door, he said to buy paper for writing big-character posters, and he left the store after buying.At that time, I intuitively felt that this person was under great pressure.As soon as he walked out of the store, the two salesmen in the store whispered:

"Do you know who he is?" "do not know." "Hey, it's Qiao Guanhua from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs! The rebels have posted a lot of big-character posters on him and want to knock him down." I was startled, so this is Qiao Guanhua, one of the "Chen, Ji, Qiao" we want to protect!Judging from his temperament, he is a very individual person, and also a very typical intellectual.I vaguely feel that he is not like the image of those veteran cadres I imagined, he seems more like a scholar.Maybe it was because the impression at that time was very unique, so many years have passed, but this first meeting with strangers has always remained in my mind.Later, I told Guanhua about this first impression.He laughed and said that those were the days when he suffered the most, and the "rebels" asked him to write "thought reports" every day.Big-character newspapers with "criticism" have to be bought by themselves.I said it was probably a kind of telepathy that made me notice him.He joked that it was the first red line drawn by the old man under the moon, but it was not enough to "meet each other from thousands of miles away". Shijia Hutong and Baofang Hutong are less than one mile away.Then, he said seriously: "However, if there is no fate, how many people will never look at each other, let alone know each other and love each other."

The second time I saw Guanhua was four years later in the late spring of 1971. In 1968, I was attacked for the second time in the School of Foreign Languages, and was labeled as "Tong Foreign Languages" and "February Countercurrent".When I couldn't bear it, I wrote to Chairman Mao, but I didn't expect the Chairman to send Unit 8341 to resolve the conflict in the School of Foreign Languages.Later, in 1970, Chairman Mao sent me to Hubei Shayang Cadre School to carry out foreign language teaching reform and instructed that after the teaching reform work, I would be transferred to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. In March 1971, I received a transfer order at the Cadre School, and reported to the Department of Cadres of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on March 31, and was assigned to four divisions of the Department of Asian Affairs in charge of the South Asian subcontinent.

One morning not long after I was transferred to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I hurried back to the office on the fourth floor after finishing my work on the first floor.The elevator broke down that morning, and everyone had to climb the stairs.I had just stepped up the grand staircase in the front hall, when I looked up and saw the back of a slender man in front of me holding on to the handle of the stairs and struggling to climb up step by step.Seen from behind, he is slightly bent, he seems to be an old man, I think this must be some kind of leader!Behind him were three or four cadres from the department who went upstairs, all of them followed him slowly, and none of them tried to overtake him.I think this "team" is weird.So, I lifted my legs and prepared to run a few steps faster than the "old man" who was struggling to climb the stairs.Suddenly, a person who knew me grabbed me and said, "Don't run! In front is Minister Qiao!" I asked her in surprise, "Which Minister Qiao?" She said, "How many ministers are there in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs? Master Joe Qiao Guanhua, you still don’t know?” I was even more surprised, and I asked, “How old is he! Why is he so old?” She whispered in my ear, “Actually, he’s not that old, he’s not yet sixty. He His wife passed away at the beginning of this year, which was a great blow to him. He was not in good health, but this was a big blow. After being ill for a while, we all feel sorry for him, so no one wants to pass him upstairs. Say hello to him, he wants Talking, I am even more tired, and what a coincidence, the elevator is broken." I looked up at the hunched back, and I couldn't help but feel a little sympathy in my heart.At this time, a few more people who went up the stairs were pressed behind me, and they followed quietly as if they had reached a wordless tacit understanding.When he walked all the way to the third floor where the ministers work, Guanhua turned his head slightly and saw a group of people behind him. He probably apologized and raised his hand to greet everyone. He forced a smile, but was out of breath. , looking bleak.Then he turned and walked slowly towards his office.This was the first time I saw him after I came to the ministry, and I couldn't help but think of the chance encounter in the stationery store.It's amazing how old he is!

Later, Guanhua and I started the initial stage of contact.Judging from the phenomenon, it was a stage of collision of our personalities.I, a small staff member, repeatedly contradicted the second-in-command leader of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, which is hard to tolerate in a large organization.But I had just left school at that time, and I was really not used to the atmosphere of subservient to superiors in government departments with heavy bureaucracy.The strange thing is that for Guanhua and me, this kind of collision just made us transcend the disparity in rank and age, and reached a kind of sympathy, bursting out the initial hazy feelings.The first thing that made Guanhua very angry was that I didn't give him his book "Liu Wen Zhi Yao" as my father asked. In the autumn of 1971, my father's great work broke through many obstacles of Kang Sheng, and was finally published under the personal care of Chairman Mao.In the process of writing the whole book, Chairman Mao reviewed and revised it word by word.His father was very excited to see the publication of "Liu Wen" in his later years.He personally wrote the inscription and presented it to friends from all walks of life, including two volumes for comrades Guanhua and Ji Pengfei.Because I work in the ministry, my father asked me to send these two sets of books to their two ministers.After I took the book to the office, I hesitated.At that time, I had been in the ministry for half a year, and I had already seen and heard about the complex relationships between people in the ministry and the habit of talking about others.I thought that if I gave these two books to Ji and Qiao, the top leaders of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, some people would inevitably whisper behind their backs, saying that this is "using her father's book to take the upper-level route".So, I sighed, temporarily put my father's book in the office cabinet, and wait until the right time to talk about it.Unexpectedly, after a long time, it will be forgotten.A few months later, my father caught a cold and was hospitalized in Beijing Hospital.It happened that Mr. Zhang Xiruo was also hospitalized.Zhang Xiruo is the president of the Institute of Foreign Affairs, and Guanhua is the vice president.One day, Guanhua went to visit Mr. Zhang Xi, and learned that his father was also in the hospital.Guanhua and his father have known each other for a long time. Before the first CPPCC meeting in 1949, the Hong Kong underground party organized democrats to return to Beijing in batches to attend the CPPCC meeting and the founding ceremony of the People's Republic of China. It was Guanhua who led the group to take the Soviet ship via Dalian to Tianjin and then to Beijing.They have become familiar with each other along the way.They often held meetings together after liberation.Therefore, when Guanhua learned that his father was hospitalized, he went to visit his father in the ward after saying goodbye to Mr. Zhang Xi.During the chat, my father asked Guanhua if he had read the "Liu Wen Zhi Yao" presented by him.Guanhua was stunned, not knowing what book his father was referring to.My father also wondered why Guanhua didn't receive the gift book.Later, Guanhua must have lost his temper with his secretary, because when Secretary Cheng called me the next morning, his tone was very stiff.

Secretary Cheng asked me: "Comrade Zhang Hanzhi, did your father ask you to send a set of his books to Minister Qiao?" I replied, "Yes." Cheng asked, "Where is the book?" I said, "It's in my closet here." Cheng asked again: "Why didn't you give it to Minister Qiao for so long?" I didn't know how to answer, so I prevaricated and said, "No chance." Secretary Cheng finally said to me very seriously: "Please send the book to Minister Qiao or to me immediately. I hope you will not delay so long if something like this happens in the future. Minister Qiao is very upset. He thought you sent the book to me. Give me the book." Then, he changed his mind and said, "Forget it, I'll get it right away, don't go away."

When I saw Secretary Cheng, I asked him to bring another book to Minister Jiaoji.Secretary Cheng asked me if I wanted to "go to see Minister Qiao and give him the book directly".I said no, I have nothing else to say to Minister Joe, he saw my father in the hospital. I guess Secretary Cheng reported my indifference to the minister to Guanhua.Later, when we got to know each other very well, Secretary Cheng once told me that Guanhua was really angry that time.He went back to the ministry after he came out of his father's ward.Call Secretary Cheng as soon as he arrives at the office.

Guanhua asked him sullenly: "Zhang Xing always gave me a set of books, why didn't you give them to me? I went to see him today, and he asked me, but I didn't know anything about it." Secretary Cheng was naturally wronged, saying that he had never seen this book. Guanhua suddenly remembered that his father said it was called "Little Girl Leads the Hand".Just ask Secretary Cheng: "Mr. Xing has a daughter in the ministry?" Cheng said, "Yes, in the Asia Division." Guanhua asked: "Why don't I know? How long have you been here? What's your name?"

So Secretary Cheng gave me that phone call.He said that he thought I would ask him to lead me to see Minister Qiao, but he didn't expect that I would just give him the book.Later, he sent books to Guanhua, and Guanhua asked him where I was.Cheng said that in the department, he went upstairs to get the book and said that I said Minister Qiao had met my father and had nothing else to convey.Guanhua didn't say anything at that time.I have never been "summoned" since. However, he obviously didn't forget this arrogant "daughter of Xing Lao" and took the opportunity to ridicule her. Probably few people would give up a good opportunity to meet with Minister Qiao at that time. I didn't go to see him. His sense of self-importance.Presently he embarrassed me in a large crowd.

In November of this year, the United Nations General Assembly passed a resolution to restore China's seat.This was a major event that shocked the world at that time.Chairman Mao and Premier Zhou personally directed the preparations for the first Chinese delegation to the United Nations.From the head of the delegation, the main Members, until the translators and the first UN General Assembly speech are approved by their two top leaders.The head of the delegation is Guanhua, and I am one of the translators of the delegation.After the personnel are determined, Guanhua will preside over the establishment meeting of the delegation in the large conference room on the sixth floor of the Ministry.In addition to all members of the delegation, leaders at other ministries and divisions also participated.That afternoon, I was busy with an urgent matter in the department. When I arrived at the conference room, it was already full of people. Even at the door of the conference room, there were four or five participants who moved their chairs temporarily.I also borrowed a chair from the office of the international department next door and sat outside the door.At this time, Guanhua was only heard inside announcing the opening of the meeting. He briefly talked about the situation and a series of instructions from Chairman Mao and Premier Zhou.Because I sat outside the door, I only heard his voice, but did not see him.After talking about the situation, Guanhua said that the members of this delegation came from various units within the Ministry, and they might not be familiar with each other, so they got to know each other.So he rolled the rolls one by one.When my name was called, I stood up outside the door, took a step forward, and poked my head.Probably many people didn’t know me at that time. I heard whispering voices in the venue, and many eyes stared curiously at me, an outsider.At that time, it was still in the midst of the "Cultural Revolution", and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs basically did not admit newcomers.I was a little embarrassed, so I quickly retreated to my seat and sat down.Unexpectedly, Guanhua's voice sounded at this moment:

"You are Zhang Hanzhi? Are you Zhang Xinglao's daughter?" I was even more embarrassed, so I stood up again and said softly, "Yes." Guanhua did not let me go.He added: "It's you who withheld the "Liu Wen Guidance" given to me by Xing Lao?" There was another whisper in the venue.I was at a loss, and I was very angry that the minister was so aggressive, and he remembered every little thing so well, embarrassing me in public.Finally, Guanhua said: "Okay! I know you today." I think Guanhua quickly forgot about this scene.Later, when I mentioned this incident, I was still bitter about it, but Guanhua said that he didn’t remember that it was intentional, he only remembered that when he saw me standing up at the meeting that day, he thought I was beautiful.I said that it took four years from the small stationery store to the first exchange of eyes between the two of us at this meeting. Later, when we were attending the UNGA meeting, there were several collisions between Guanhua and I.Soon after our delegation arrived in New York, the India-Pakistan war broke out in what was then East Pakistan, now Bangladesh.Although I was a staff member of the delegation at the time, I was far from understanding the burden on Guanhua.Despite the long-standing sharp contradictions between the artificial state conditions of East and West Pakistan, such a serious regional war that would divide a country was not expected before we set off.The young Chinese delegation has entered the Security Council as a permanent member and has the right of veto. The whole world is paying attention to the statement of Chairman Qiao Guanhua.At that time we came to New York in a hurry and lived on the 14th floor of the Roosevelt Hotel. We did not have our own confidential communication conditions, so we could only invent code telegraphs and make ordinary long-distance calls to China for instructions.At the same time, Sino-US relations had just begun to thaw. The United States was opposed to China's entry into the United Nations. The then US Permanent Representative to the United Nations and later President George Bush tried his best to block the passage of the resolution.For these reasons, the consultations between the Chinese delegation and the U.S. government are often not between the two delegations but between the leader of the Chinese delegation and Kissinger, because since Kissinger’s secret visit to China in the summer of 1971, he has Became the Nixon administration's envoy in charge of negotiating the most sensitive issues with China.In this India-Pakistan war, the positions of China and the United States are very similar. Both sides are trying their best to promote a ceasefire to prevent the Soviet Union from dominating the South Asian subcontinent after East Pakistan splits. At this critical juncture, the then Pakistani President Yahya decided to reappoint senior politician Bhutto, appointed him Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister, and immediately rushed to New York to urge the Security Council to pass a ceasefire resolution.Bhutto is an old friend of China, and at that time came to the United Nations for the same purpose.After he arrived in New York, he asked to meet Guanhua as soon as he checked into the Pierre Hotel.Originally, I was not responsible for Guanhua's translation, but because his translation had important tasks, I was temporarily called to translate.Guanhua rushed to the hotel to meet with Bhutto and informed him of his meeting with UN Secretary-General U Thant that morning.Since I was not the one to translate in the morning, and the conversation involved a lot of military developments and place names, I couldn't look it up in several places.Guanhua was very impatient at the time, and criticized me impatiently: "Why are you so confused! Forget it, don't turn it over, Old Xiong (Comrade Xiong Xianghui, representative of the Chinese delegation), please come and help me." I At that time, he defended and said: "I came here on short notice. I didn't read what you talked about with Wu Dan this morning." Guanhua waved his hand and said, "Forget it, forget it, I don't have time to explain to you!" I felt that my pride was affected. Great hurt, but also feel very wronged.On the way back to the delegation, Guanhua and the others were still nervously discussing the countermeasures of the Security Council that night. No one noticed the young female interpreter who had been "removed".It wasn't until the elevator sent us to the fourteenth floor that everyone returned to the room. My room was in the same direction as Guanhua's. Just exercise." I felt that this bureaucratic "encouragement" was really a humiliation, so he turned and went into the room without answering.When I saw Guanhua in the corridor the next morning, I wondered if he felt that he was too harsh on me the first day, so he joked: "Bonjour (Bonjour, French homonym, meaning 'good morning'), Bonjour, and Thinking about what happened yesterday!" My resentment was still there, and I said lightly: "How dare you get angry with the head of the group! But the head doesn't have to call people stupid!" He said: "My French pronunciation is not good!" I Say: "Better than my English!" One day soon, the General Assembly of the United Nations will vote on more than two dozen proposals.The delegation decided that Comrade Fu Hao would attend the meeting and vote, and I would serve as his interpreter.After we discussed the voting attitude of the Chinese delegation on these more than 20 resolutions, Comrade Fu Hao asked me to "ask Captain Qiao for instructions".It was lunch time.At that time, the entire delegation ate in a big restaurant on the second floor, and only ten leaders, the principal and deputy representatives, ate alone on the 14th floor and could discuss matters at the same time.I hurriedly finished my meal and went upstairs to ask the head of the group for instructions, and saw that they had just started eating.Afraid of wasting time, I went to ask Guanhua if he could take a look at our voting plan right away.He may be discussing something enthusiastically, and he turned to me and said: "I don't even let me eat a good meal! Is there anything to eat?" Too late for dinner? ! I didn't answer, just sat and waited. Later, I felt uncomfortable watching these leaders eat, so I said: "I'll wait in the reception room of the head of the group!" "Guanhua ignored it. After waiting for a long time, the leaders finished their lunch. Guanhua walked into his suite and was about to go into the bedroom to rest. I stood up and said, "Captain Qiao, can I have a look at this plan?" ?There will be a vote this afternoon. He was startled, forgetting to tell me to wait. Then he lost his temper and said to me very unhappy: "Do you still want me to live?"Don't even give me a break! "I felt aggrieved, thinking that you big shots had eaten for an hour, and told me to wait for you to get angry again. Suddenly, I was also angry, and I threw the plan on his desk and said: "The head of the group loves to see it. Look, anyway, for voting in the afternoon, you can ask Secretary Cheng to pay me back. After speaking, he ran out of his suite, and when he returned to his room, he lay on the bed and began to cry. At that time, Xiao Ni, a nurse from Beijing Hospital, was living in the same room with me. She asked me what was wrong. Apply to go back to school to teach.I can't stand the anger of this official office of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs!Why are you so angry when you become an official?Should small cadres be doormats? ! "After a while, Secretary Cheng came to me with the plan and said that Minister Qiao had finished reading it. He advised me not to get angry. Minister Qiao has a heavy burden and is inevitably impatient. Everyone should be considerate of him. Later, Comrade Fu Hao found out and Said to me: The central government wants Lao Qiao to attend the United Nations General Assembly this time. The task is so arduous and he is very tired; he is also said that Lao Qiao is not in a good mood, and his wife passed away not long ago. Fu Hao said that Lao Qiao should find another partner, otherwise His life is too hard. I have always been a person who is easily moved and sympathizes with other people's misfortunes. After listening to Comrade Fu Hao's words, I think maybe the head of the team needs to understand, and forget about those disgusting things. After returning from the United Nations General Assembly, since I was in the Asian Department and not under the supervision of Guanhua, I rarely had contact with him.In a blink of an eye, it was August 1972, and the preparations for the General Assembly were busy again.In order to coordinate the relationship between friendly countries, the central government sent Guanhua to visit Romania, Albania and Pakistan before the conference.The relevant comrades from the Department of Eastern Europe accompanied him to Romania and Afghanistan, and then returned to Urumqi to rest for two days. Ye Chengzhang, then deputy director of the Department of Asia, and I met in Urumqi from Beijing and accompanied Guanhua to Pakistan.Comrades from the Eastern European Department waited for us in Xinjiang and returned to Beijing on the same plane. At noon, Lao Ye and I arrived in Urumqi.After reporting to Guanhua in the afternoon, everyone had dinner together.That day, Guanhua drank a lot of Moutai, and after the meal he invited everyone to drink tea in the hall, he seemed very excited.During the conversation, I don't remember who mentioned that Guanhua was arrested by the Red Guards in 1967, at the height of the "Cultural Revolution".Guanhua seemed to be irritated all of a sudden, and suddenly turned to me and said, "It's all done by you! The rebels from your School of Foreign Languages ​​set up camp in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, arrested me and Lao Ji, locked them in the basement, and locked you again. School! The Prime Minister ordered us to be released and asked us to attend the 'August 1st' reception, but you insisted on not letting us go! You are also a rebel, so you always oppose me!" Everyone looked at me.Later, I got angry too, and I said, "Minister Qiao, you can't swear at people indiscriminately! I have never rebelled against you. I have also been punished. Our 'Red Flag Brigade' is to protect you, to protect 'Chen' , Ji, Qiao', why are you wronging people!" Unexpectedly, Guanhua became even more angry, he said: "You 'Red Flag Brigade' are also rebels! I saw with my own eyes the slogan 'Down with the Qiao Guanhua' is signed by the 'North Foreign Affairs Red Flag Brigade'. You and the 'rebel group' are all going to overthrow me!" I tried to explain to him that a small number of people in the Red Flag Brigade were afraid of being passive after Wang Li's speech on August 7 and wanted to Throw out Qiao and keep Chen and Ji, because Qiao has been punished in the anti-rightist movement and has a handle.But most people in the "Red Flag Brigade" do not approve of this opportunistic attitude.Guanhua said decisively: "I don't listen to this, you are all rebels anyway!" When other people saw me arguing with the minister, they all said to me: "Okay, okay, don't talk about it." I quit, Why do you give me a hat?It was a bad night.I think this minister has such a strong temper, it is difficult to work under him.But on the other hand, I don't dislike him. I have a kind of competitive desire to let him know that I can't be easily overwhelmed by power.I think Minister Qiao is so talented, maybe he has the character of the poet Li Bai.But it is a pity that he is a high-ranking official, so this character has become a domineering official, which is unbearable. Unexpectedly, the turning point in my relationship with Guanhua happened during this visit.We visited Pakistan for two days and talked with Bhutto and their foreign ministers.Negotiations ended in the afternoon of the second day, and we planned to take a special plane back to Urumqi the next day.In the evening, Comrade Ye Chengzhang and I finished sorting out the minutes of the meeting, and we wanted Guanhua to review them and hand them over to the embassy to send back to China.Lao Ye asked me to show it to Guanhua.He is my boss, I can't refuse. We stayed at the Intercontinental Hotel in Rawalpindi.Guanhua lived in a large suite.When I opened the door and entered the outer room, I found him sitting alone on the couch in the living room.It was night, and the lights in the house were dim.The walls of the living room are light blue, a large Islamic-style circular colored chandelier hangs in the middle of the room, and a huge oil painting of a mosque hangs on one wall.The home is dotted with many strong tropical flowers and fragrant orchids.There is a huge fruit basket on the round table under the chandelier, which is full of various fresh fruits of Nanye specialty.The owner of the room obviously hasn't touched any of them, because the transparent and beautiful packaging and the green and white ribbons on the outside of the fruit basket have not been removed.At this time, only a table lamp beside the sofa was lit in the living room. In this room of fifty or sixty square meters, a lone lamp exuded faint yellow light, illuminating the mosque in the painting and the faint With the blue walls, everything looks so hazy and melancholy, which can easily arouse people's inner sadness.Under the dim light, I saw Guanhua sitting alone at one end of the couch.At this time, he seemed to have removed all guards, looking tired and sad.He sat quietly, seemingly meditating, fantasizing, or perhaps recalling.I suddenly had a kind of sadness from the bottom of my heart, "the same people who have fallen in the end of the world".Guanhua was not in a hurry to ask me what was the matter, he seemed to have not come out of that dream yet.He pointed to the small sofa next to the table lamp, and said, "Sit down!" I sat down, handed him the records I had sorted out, and said softly that I would pick them up after he finished reading them.He put the record on the sofa, but slowly said to me: "It's not busy, just sit down!" The room was so quiet that none of us wanted to talk.After a while, Guanhua said slowly: "I know you have an opinion on me. Don't take it to heart. I am very pitiful. There is no minister or not. I am in a bad mood. Don't give birth to me. I'm angry." He said again: "If I offend anyone, you tell them that I am very pitiful, don't take it to heart, why bother!" He sighed deeply.I didn't know what to say for a while, I was moved by the infinite melancholy on his face, a kind of sympathy and a kind of understanding touched me.I think Qiao Guanhua as a minister is just a role he has to play every day, and Qiao Guanhua at this time is his whole self.After sitting silently for about ten minutes, I said, "I'm leaving." He nodded.When I was almost at the door, he told me to go back again, and said, "Take away the basket of fruit on the table, you all go eat it, and bring some back to the East European Division who are waiting for us in Urumqi to taste." Said: "Thank you, but let's take it with you when you leave tomorrow. It's too late today, everyone has gone back to the house." He said: "Alright, I will tell Yuanxing (his secretary at the time.)" After finishing everything that night, when I returned home, I couldn't get rid of the atmosphere in Guanhua's living room, and my heart was empty.At that time, my husband and I had been separated for three years, and I hadn't told anyone since I arrived at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.But at this moment, I suddenly want to cry, because of the ups and downs of fate and the injustice of life. After returning to Urumqi, Guanhua still didn't seem to get rid of the emotions that night in Rawalpindi.He seemed calm and reticent, always seeming to be thinking about something.Comrade Sai Fuding invited him to eat roasted whole lamb at dinner, he seemed very happy, but after that, the distant look appeared again.My room happened to be next to his suite, and I saw that he liked to walk alone in the corridor.We rested in Urumqi for two days.On the morning of the next day, Guanhua suggested that everyone take a walk in the hotel courtyard.A group of more than ten of us followed him for a walk in the courtyard.August in Xinjiang is beautiful, the weather is cooler than in Beijing, and the melons and fruits are particularly crispy and sweet.Guanhua stopped in front of a large flower bed, where many red and purple dahlias were planted.Guanhua asked the comrades accompanying him in Xinjiang: "Can I pick two of these flowers?" Generally, it is not allowed, but Guanhua wanted to pick them, and the comrades in Xinjiang naturally said yes.Guanhua really picked a few flowers. I remember that there were three women among the ten of us, and he gave one to each of us, and he said enthusiastically that he would take a photo.He wanted us to take a picture with him with flowers on our chests.After a long time, I occasionally dug out this photo.I asked Guanhua why he picked the dali flower to take a picture.He said that he just wanted to send me a flower.He didn't know my living conditions at that time, and he couldn't tell what it was like. He just wanted to send me a bright blooming flower. More than a month later, when we were preparing to go to New York to attend the 27th UN General Assembly, Guanhua finally learned about my broken marriage from Chairman Mao.It was the night when Japanese Prime Minister Tanaka left Beijing after his first visit to China. I remember it was September 29, and we were leaving the next day.Chairman Mao invited us to talk about Prime Minister Tanaka's visit to China. Present here were Premier Zhou, Liao Chengzhi, Ji Pengfei and Qiao Guanhua from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and several of us interpreters who participated in the work of the communiqué on the establishment of diplomatic relations between China and Japan.On that day, the chairman was very happy to open the Sino-Japanese relationship after the Sino-US relationship.He talked and laughed happily, and talked a lot at all times and in all over the world.The atmosphere was also very relaxed.I often think of the harmonious relationship between the chairman and Premier Zhou during that time, how precious it was!Unfortunately, it was in a chaotic environment, so there was a conspiracy hidden behind the harmony. After telling many historical stories, Chairman Mao changed the subject for some reason, looked straight at me and said, "My teacher Zhang, today I want to criticize you! You are worthless!" I was sitting on a table facing the Chairman On the temporarily moved chair, I thought Chairman Mao was still joking, so I said with a smile: "I will definitely accept the chairman's criticism, I am worthless!" The chairman said seriously: "My teacher, I say you Being worthless is because you save face, if you don’t liberate yourself! Your man is already married to someone else, why don’t you divorce? Why are you afraid that others will find out? The marriage has been blown up, why don’t you liberate yourself?” the chairman said in front of him. Many leaders, the sudden revelation of the scars in my life made me confused for a while, I didn't know how to think and how to answer.Then, my heart was sore, I started to cry, and said while weeping: "Chairman, don't talk about it, okay!" Tell everyone." Several leaders present, starting with Premier Zhou, stared blankly at this dramatic scene, and probably felt that it was not easy to interrupt, and there was an embarrassing silence for a few seconds.I finally said: "Chairman, you are right in your criticism. I will finish it when I go back. It will be over sooner or later. The chairman has said it, and I will definitely liberate myself." The chairman said, "That's good! I congratulate you when it's done. " That night, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time.I didn't expect Chairman Mao to know the ups and downs in my personal life, but I deeply feel his paternal care for me.The Chairman and my father have had a half-century friendship.As early as around 1919, my father's close friend Mr. Yang Huaizhong (father of the martyr Yang Kaihui) introduced Chairman Mao to his father. In 1921, the chairman approached his father and asked him to help a group of aspiring young people to study in Europe.The father not only donated generously himself, but also raised funds from celebrities, raising a total of 20,000 silver dollars. In 1963, the chairman told me that some of the funds were brought back to Hunan by the chairman and became an important financial source for supporting the revolution. In Chongqing in 1945, my father bluntly advised the chairman to return to Yan'an as soon as possible, and not to trust Chiang Kai-shek's peace promise.After the liberation of the whole country, Chairman Mao still kept in close contact with his father even though he was busy with everything.The relationship between them is not only a shining example of the party's united front, but also a sincere friendship between individuals. In 1963, the chairman's 70th birthday, my father took me to the chairman's family banquet.That night, the chairman asked me to help him learn English, and he called me his "Teacher Zhang" from then on.Since then, in addition to helping the chairman learn English every week, I have also become a "liaison officer" between the chairman and my father. In 1966, after the "Cultural Revolution" began, I wrote to the Chairman saying that I did not understand this movement, and he gave me a message asking me to "survive the storm and see the world". When I met Chairman Mao again in 1970, I was working as a worker in the Beijing General Knitting Factory.The chairman asked me to go, and gave me the task to go back to the Foreign Language Institute to carry out foreign language teaching reform, and personally instructed me not to stay in the school after completing the teaching reform plan.The Chairman sent me to the Foreign Office.At that time, he said: "We need female diplomats now. I think my teacher Zhang can do it. I can speak and write. The letters you wrote to me are really amazing! You want to go to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and be a spokesperson!" "In this way, Chairman Mao decided the fate of the rest of my life.The education reform in the Outer Court has not yet been completed, and the central government sent an order to report to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs immediately.I often think that although the chances of meeting Chairman Mao in my life are not as many as those of some other people, he decided my fate at a critical moment in my life.To me, he has the power of a god! Now, Chairman Mao has opened up a new emotional world for me in the future.All the joys and sorrows of the past reappeared in front of my eyes, and I silently recalled the sweetness, sourness, bitterness, and spiciness of life, without sadness or excitement.I was thirty-six years old that year, and the best youthful years of my life were coming to an end.It was supposed to be a season of harvest in life and career, but I was facing the second half of my life when everything started from scratch.I just feel empty in my heart, as if looking back, the road I have traveled has disappeared, and I am standing on the starting line of life again.For most of my life, I have often been troubled by this feeling of emptiness. I always feel that the long past I left behind is like a cloud of mist floating in the sky, and what is left in front of my eyes is always empty!All honors and disgraces are fleeting after all, what really makes me difficult to resolve is the endless loneliness that has tortured me for most of my life! The day after the chairman's earnest speech, I went to New York with the Chinese delegation to attend the UN General Assembly meeting.This year, I was the main translator of the team leader Qiao Guanhua.Things in the world always seem to be manipulated by unknowable fate. I didn't think of Guanhua's feelings for me that had sprouted in his heart at that time, so I didn't think of Guanhua's emotional waves caused by the chairman's words before leaving .But it didn't take long for me to realize that I needed to face the biggest decision of my life. This year's UNGA meeting was very uneventful.Just as Guanhua said later, in the 1970s, for some reason, major events in the world were bound to happen in the year of the singles, such as the India-Pakistan War in 1971, the Middle East War in 1973, and the changes in the Indo-China situation in 1975; Both are fine.As the team leader, Guanhua said that this year was relatively easy.At this time, the Chinese Permanent Mission to the United Nations had bought the old hotel opposite the Lincoln Center on 67th Street in the West End of New York and transformed it into a residence for the delegation. Therefore, life was much more convenient than living on the 14th floor of the Roosevelt Hotel in the first year.Guanhua plans to visit Britain and France on his way back to China after the UNGA meeting.According to the pre-departure plan, I was also the main English translator for his visit to Europe. Beginning in 1971, Premier Zhou ordered the delegations to the United Nations General Assembly to be sent to Paris by a special plane sent by the Civil Aviation Administration of China. He said that he would go to the airport to see them off every year.那天晚上出发前在总理的西花厅开会，散会已是十点多钟，回家取了行李就直奔机场。尽管冠华一再劝阻，周总理还是去机场在飞机旁一一与全团人员握手告别。 到达纽约之后忙碌了几天，我常常觉得冠华若有所思，对我也很客气。终于有一天，我们之间发生了一段微妙的谈话。那时，每年的联大会议是最好的国与国之间双边、多边会晤的机会。冠华除了代表中国政府作大会发言外，大量的工作是在会外与各国外长的接触。这天上午，他有一个会见，地点约在大会大厅后面的休息过道。大会开会时，那里比咖啡厅安静。我和礼宾司的一位同志陪同冠华到了会见地点后等了十多分钟仍不见对方来。礼宾司的同志说他去会场内找一找，于是整个宽敞的大过道就剩下了我和他两人坐在长沙发上。我们交换了几句没有什么意义的对话后都沉默了。然后，冠华突然问我：“那天主席说的情况是确实的吗？”我一时没有反应过来，我说：“什么情况？”他说：“就是主席讲的你个人生活的情况。”我立即知道他指的是临行前在主席那里的谈话，一时有些慌乱，最后我说：“其实我们早已分开三年了。没有办手续是有一些客观原因，那时他也处于政治压力下，我不愿增加他的困难。主席批评我，是为我好，我回去就按主席指示办。”冠华显得很不自然，干咳了两声说：“那好！”就再不往下问了。我也很不自然。一种心灵的感应告诉我，冠华并非坐等客人无聊随口问问以示领导的关怀。后来，冠华突然站起来说：“我想走走！”就在过道上来回散步直到礼宾司的同志把客人找来。 那次短暂对话后一切似乎恢复原样，我仍陪同冠华会见客人，我们再没有提到我个人生活的话题。然而，我深知一种微妙的感情正悄悄地滋生在我和他之间。过了些天的一个夜晚，冠华那层楼的服务员小朱下来叫我们四五个人上去，说：“乔团长今晚无事，想请大家到他房里听音乐。”我们上去时，冠华已在放贝多芬的交响乐。他酷爱西方古典音乐。在我们结婚前夕，他的孩子没有与他商量从家中搬走了一切之后，他曾说他最舍不得的是他积存一生的五百多张唱片。他爱贝多芬，更爱肖邦的钢琴曲。那天晚上，谁都不说话，只是沉浸在一首首的乐曲中。冠华只是在换唱片时似乎从梦中醒来，说了一句：“这是人生最大的享受。”后来，我记得在政治动乱的岁月，他十分苦恼时唯一的寄托也是音乐。我曾经叹息地对他说：“其实你应当是文学家或者是音乐家。唯一不适合你的就是政治家。你毫无掩饰地宣泄你的感情，这就是搞政治最大的忌讳。”他反唇相讥说：“你不也是这样？” 那天晚上听到十点多钟，大家站起来说：“乔部长休息吧，我们回去了。”他点点头。可是我们走到房门口时，他突然叫我留一下。我以为是第二天开会的事，可他却说：“没什么事，只是想留你再陪我听一张肖邦的钢琴。”于是，我默默地坐在他对面的沙发里，我知道在悠扬舒展的钢琴旋律下，我和他的心都不平静。一种磁性在吸引我们靠近，但又有一种社会的无形压力在排斥我们的接近。几个月之后，冠华告诉我那天晚上我走了之后，他很久不能平静。半夜，他起来想写点什么，但心绪很乱，只写了两句话：“晚风孤夜深秋院，隔江人在雨声中”。他说这是写给我的…… 此后不多天，大约是11月初，外交部的一位“通天人物”突然打长途电话到代表团点名要我立即回北京，说有重要任务。我接到通知后去找冠华，我多希望能按原计划陪他去欧洲访问。我说我没有那么重要，国内不可能有什么事非我不可。我问他是否可以和部里商量原计划不变。他说他已经打过电话，部里那位“通天人物”大发雷霆说是中央有重要任务要我回去，不得更改。那时中美之间没有直接通航，来回都要经巴黎乘一周一次的法航。为了按时赶回北京，我订了11月8日的机票。没想到这一天纽约下起了暴雨，本已是深秋，却雷电交加。不到半日，许多街道已积水很深，不能通行了。我们同行的有四位，飞机是晚上七点多的，但由于天气恶劣，代表团决定我们下午四点就出发。三点多钟时，突然接到通知说团长要厨房做了面条，为我们送行，要我们到十层会议室去，他陪我们吃面。我们其实刚吃过午餐不久，但还是都上楼了。冠华满面愁容，非常担心我们在雷雨天起飞的安全保障。我开了句玩笑，说：“团长，你们今晚睡大觉的时候，说不定我们四个人已掉进大西洋里喂鲨鱼了。”没料到冠华顿时紧张起来，失态地对代表团陪我们去机场的同志大声地说：“今天不走了！不能冒这种险！我的决定，我负责！”我很紧张，马上说我是开玩笑，没有把握飞机是不会起飞的。再说，要按时赶到北京只能乘这一班飞机。冠华没有坚持，但显得异常焦躁。他送我们到大门口，一再嘱咐要小心，还关照送我们的同志说万一有雷，还是考虑返回，切不可冒险。上车前，他交给我一封信说要我回到北京送给仲曦东同志。车涉着深水艰难地往机场走，路上竟花了三个多小时。到了机场已过了原定起飞时间，但因为所有航班全部延误，所以还在等候。晚上九点来钟，机场人员找到我们，说有电话。代表团陪同我们的同志接完电话后回来为难地征求我们意见说乔部长亲自来电话，要叫你们回去。我直觉地感到冠华在对我们四个人的关怀中有着一份对我的情意。但我知道此刻的他又处于极不理智的状态。因此，我说请报告团长，行李都已托进去了，不好撤出。如果安全系数不够，法航会取消这班飞机的，请他不必为我们担心。 很久以后，别人告诉我那天在纽约代表团驻地，很多同志都不理解冠华为何如此激动烦躁。他每隔一小时就叫办公室打电话问机场我们那次航班起飞没有。到了晚上九点雷雨还不停，他断然下令叫我们返回。后来，飞机大约于午夜起飞，一架巨型波音747大多数旅客都退票了，整个机舱只不过十多名乘客。当飞机平稳地飞越大西洋时，我的同伴们折腾一天已疲乏至极，一人一排位子躺下睡着了。我换到一个靠窗的位子，推开窗板，默默注视着外面黑漆漆的苍穹，心潮起伏，矛盾重重。我已不可避免地面临一次重大抉择，但要下这决心是多么不易啊！ 冠华访英回国后，我猜想他向仲曦东同志吐露了他心中的情感，因为冠华第一次到我家来访是和老仲一起来的。不巧，那晚我有活动不在家。九点多回到家，父亲的老管家高升告诉我：“来了两位客人看你，一个戴眼镜，瘦高个；一个矮胖，都是五六十岁。”这大约是在11月中下旬。第二天，冠华来电话证实他和老仲来过，想看看我。我们都在客气中流露出一种拘谨。冠华问我那个大雨之夜我从纽约回来路上可好。我说挺好。三百多位子的波音747只坐了十多个客人，都退票了。不过大西洋的鲨鱼不要我们。他说：“还开玩笑呢！我为你担心了整整一夜。一早我叫他们打电话去巴黎，知道你们平安到了，我才放心。”我沉默，不知何以作答。他又问我陪同尼泊尔客人去了哪里。我说长沙、桂林。他问有没有拍照。我说新华社派了记者，拍了不少。他说是问我个人有没有。如果有，找几张给他看看。I agreed.第二天我把在漓江的几张照片装在信封里送给他的秘书请他转交。 此后，在我正式办完离婚手续之前，我和冠华一周通几次电话。我们从不谈爱情，也不谈政治，只是聊天。但那种深深触动两颗心的感情已难以抑制。终于有一天，在电话上冠华突然问我离婚手续办得如何了。我说快了，只需去一次派出所正式拿个证就完了。他停顿了好几秒钟，我的心很紧张。最后冠华说：“I love you. Will you marry me?”（我爱你，愿意嫁给我吗？）我握着话筒的手禁不住地颤抖，我哭了，但我说：“我知道，谢谢你，但这不可能！”冠华问为什么？我说我也说不清，但这个社会可能容不得我们的结合。他听了就激动起来，说了许多，都用的英语，大概是怕他的孩子听懂。那天晚上我的思绪乱极了。我知道冠华要给我的这份感情是极其珍贵的，也许这就是我从年轻时代开始一直寻而不得的那份纯情，舍弃它将是我终生的遗憾。但面对现实，我又极为清醒地意识到，一旦这段爱情公诸于世，它就会被潮水般涌来的世俗偏见所玷污。无论是冠华或我都可能难以抵挡来自社会习惯势力的压力。于是，我深夜起来给冠华写了一封长信。我说我已无法欺骗自己我对他仅仅是友情。我也相信我们之间来之不易的爱情是极其真挚的。但是此时此刻我们彼此更需要的是清醒和理智。我没有勇气面对舆论的哗然，也害怕面对社会各种人怀疑的眼光。我们此生恐怕只能成为朋友，我会永远视他为我的良师益友。我们最明智的决定是把这段萌芽的恋情深深埋入心底。 我在信中说，我做出这理智的决定不仅仅是我可能经不起流言蜚语的袭击，我更多地是考虑这种“人言可畏”的浪潮会给他当时蜚声中外的名誉带来的损害。我说我自幼孤独，没有家庭和亲情的温暖；我的第一次婚姻又是以失败而告终。我何尝不珍惜他给我的真情。但世上最伟大的爱情往往意味着自我的牺牲。我从少年时代起把全部的感情都寄托在中外的文学著作中。在我喜欢的作品中有一本是小仲马的。人们大都熟悉的是改编成歌剧的，而我却是读过好几遍原著的英译本，有许多撼人心扉的段落在歌剧中都被简化了。这个作品使我震动的是玛格丽特为了爱情所付出的以生命为代价的自我牺牲。她在接受亚芒的爱从而得到幸福但却牺牲亚芒的社会成就，与放弃亚芒的爱让他因误会而恨她从而断绝恋情，去获取事业的成就之间选择了后者。为此，她毅然走了一条自我毁灭的道路。我认为这种爱是最无私、最伟大的。试想我们的结合会引起多少对他声名的诋毁！无数舌头会在全北京，乃至全中国散布着同一条花边新闻，说乔冠华爱上了一个比他年轻二十二岁的章含之只是因为她漂亮，而章含之又为了嫁给有名气有地位的乔冠华而同丈夫离了婚。谁也不会去认真问一问这是否真实。我们俩纵有千百张嘴也难以解释。我不能忍受在人们见到他的形象时夹杂在议论中的是这样的诽谤。我不能像玛格丽特那样使他恨我，但我愿在这爱情初始之时用理智把它深埋。 信送出去两天就收到了冠华的回信。他在信中极其愤慨，简直是发怒！他说他根本不听我那套小资产阶级情调的什么自我牺牲，那都是一派胡言。如果我们真诚相爱，为什么要怕别人说三道四？他说我那些托词根本上说是不敢去冲破世俗的锁链，去得到自己的爱。他说他从来没有看重他自己的官位有多高，名声有多大。这些本来就是身外之物。如果为了爱情要舍弃一切，他也完全无所谓。那才是真正无私的爱。他需要的是我的爱，不是什么折磨他也折磨我自己的自我牺牲。 我不知往下该如何办。冠华仍旧隔一两天就来电话。我说让我冷静地好好想想再回答你。正在这时，大约是1973年的3月上旬，我最终办完了离婚手续。当时，我情绪很不稳定。为这过去生活的结束既觉得轻松，又觉得惆怅。对于今后的事又实在举棋不定。我办完离婚的当天只告诉了一个人，就是我在外交部的好友唐叶文。关于小唐，我忍不住要多写几句，因为她是我在外交部十年认识的众多人中最诚挚、最善良也最不幸的一个。我欠了她很多的情，恐怕今生也难还清。特别是后来她因为受我牵连挨了不少整，我无法偿还这笔债。1984年她的丈夫，当时也在外交部工作的老方又不幸患癌症去世，她那一段的日子是凄苦的，而我又无法给她以安慰。在我1971年入部时，尽管我在外语学院已是出了名的人物，但到了外交部却是从科员做起。小唐当时是我的副处长。后来我升了副处长，小唐升了处长，仍是我的上级。再后来，我升了副司长，小唐却还是处长，变成了我的下级。在外交部的环境中，这种升迁变化往往会形成一对不可调和的矛盾，何况小唐是1952年就入部了，比我早二十年！然而，她却丝毫不在意，不是虚假的，是真诚的。在名单尚未宣布时，她就说：“你可能要升到司里去做领导了。开会征求意见时，我很赞成。你好好干吧，我会配合你的！”我说你在部里资格比我老多了，这样安排对你恐怕不合适。她说你能力强，外语好，这没有什么不合适的。以后，我们的合作极其融洽，从未发生过矛盾。我也从来都把她当做知己，任何个人的事和想法都和她谈。万万没有想到这种真诚的友谊后来竟使她蒙不白之冤，一直受到株连。因为她后来还留在部里，为了不使她的处境困难，我们虽在同一城市，我都几乎从不与她联系。凡是遇到熟朋友时，我必定要打听小唐近况。现在小唐也近六十，快退休了。我想今天我插了这一段回忆已不会再给她增添麻烦。 正因为我和小唐的友谊，因此从纽约回来后不久，我就把发生在冠华和我之间的一切都告诉了她。小唐和老方从一开始就极力支持我们。他们认为冠华和我是难得相配的一对，年龄的差异不会是我们的障碍。就在我告诉小唐我已办完离婚手续的第二天，我刚从食堂吃完饭出来，小唐神秘地拉我到办公室走廊，对我说：“你们那位老爷知道你办完手续，高兴得快疯了！”我说我谁都没有说，是谁去告诉他的。小唐说那天上午，老方陪冠华见外宾，是在当时外交部楼梯上那间最大的部长会客室。送走外宾后，老方走到冠华身边，悄悄地把这消息告诉了他。老方中午在食堂和小唐一起午餐时告诉小唐，冠华听后先是一愣，问为什么我不告诉他。老方说我可能要等情绪稳定一些就会告诉他的。接下去，冠华突然从沙发里站起来，快步走到窗前。那天外面正在下着一场春雪，纷纷扬扬的雪花从天而降，在窗外形成了一片白色的雾。冠华猛地推开窗户，用他那诗人的激情大声呼唤：“多美啊！这雪，多纯洁啊！”春寒料峭，一股寒气夹带着片片雪花冲进温暖的会客室。当时还留在屋里陪见的同志惊异地看着冠华，莫名其妙地缩起颈脖陪他在寒风中站着。只有老方懂得冠华此时此刻心中洋溢的感情波澜。 当天晚上，冠华突然在一个宴会之后来看我。我不想惊动父亲，请他进了南房父亲的小书房。冠华什么都没有说就把我搂在他怀中，这是我们第一次那样亲近。我默默地流泪，他轻轻地说：“什么也别说了，我们现在只要想未来。”就在这同一天深夜，实际是第二天凌晨，急促的门铃声把我惊醒。毛主席也听到了我办完离婚手续的消息，派人送来了一筐红苹果，是金日成首相送给毛主席的。来人说主席祝贺我自己解放自己了。我激动得不能自己，那天晚上我真正觉得我是世界上最幸福的人。我有着毛主席慈父般的关怀，又有着冠华给我的真情，过去那一切少年时代的孤独，青年时代的彷徨以及感情的失落此时此刻都得到了补偿。我把主席送来的大红苹果抱在怀里，苹果不仅硕大而且红得特别紫艳光亮，发出一种诱人的香味。我抚摸着那苹果犹如抚摸着我对未来的梦想。很久很久，我才带着那个甜美的梦睡着。第二天早上，我挑了十个苹果，附了一封短信，请人送到冠华的住处，我说愿他与我共享主席对我的祝福。