Chapter 13 Chapter 9 Overcoming Individuals-1

Everything we truly accept in life changes, so suffering must turn into love. It's incredible, it's something I have to do.I had to go beyond that personal love that I had disappointed to a love with a wider meaning, and I had to give to the whole of my life what I gave to him. — December 19, 1920 If going to Bandar in 1918 was one mistake, going to postwar Italy was another.Catherine's "Catholic cousin"--actually the unrelated Miss Fullerton--gets her out of that situation in the hope that her recovery will convert her to their faith.They struggled to succeed at both, but their concern and support gave her the strength to begin a valiant and alone effort to develop her new faculties, both religious and creative, in ways they could not comprehend. It was despair—a dark word she hated when Murray used it—and her best defense against despair was her love of the outside world, and her passion for creating works of art that could be compared to them.During the year spent in Menton, Catherine attempted to write, as a woman in love, both her personal destiny and something broader, beyond the individual as a post-war artist.Perhaps when she was alone in Lore's hotel she began to think about her own death, at least for the first time in writing.Over a week there, she wrote "A Married Man's Story" and also felt she could "leave the blues behind in the frenzy of work."But then, in the unsent letter to Murray, she described anxious nights alone, sitting for long periods staring at the floor, thinking to herself that she must die, was dying .

That unfinished story drained her energy and sent her back into a state of despair or madness.She returned to London, resorted to so-called home therapy, the publication of "Prelude" did not receive the expected praise, and then "Temple of Athena" made her exhausted. In crisis, she wrote "A Man Without Temper", which broke the silence and regained some faith in life.She then crossed the border and arrived at the Menton nursing home. On January 27, 1920, she scribbled an entry in her small pocket journal, barely legible, which appears to read: January 27.The woman who gave me the massage was actually not great.My life here is eccentric, I like my big airy room, but it's so hard to work.Deep inside I was very depressed, but I was still thinking about my philosophy—that is, personal failure.

What does she mean by this sentence?Is it "individually overcome", or is there something to overcome? To discuss this issue, we must consider her religious confusion, her artistic pursuits, her various relationships with Murray, Lawrence, her father and her "Catholic cousin". She must have had Lawrence in mind when she wrote those words, and it was he who, in Cornwall, accused Murray and Catherine of their dependence on “personal”—a theme of Women in Love.Her "cousins" persuaded her to come to Menton with the intention of turning her mind toward their church, realizing that her problem was partly religious, what they didn't realize was that her solution was not obedience but creation .

Murray, her husband, fully supports her belief in art as a way of saving herself, to whom she alone speaks of the "tragic awareness" brought about by the war, of the demand for a "post-war novel," She hadn't talked to anyone else about rushing out of the vast desert, and had no other choice. Yet Murray is too fond of the word "despair," and while she knows it well, she tells him more than once that he cannot use it, that he cannot be personal, that he must rush out, and that sometimes in his op-eds, he Talks about "I" or "we" encounters, but she feels that "I" and "we" are superfluous for the critic, and if he must use these two words, he should write a poem or a story .

If you want to talk about your time, say it, but don't say "I speak for this generation", because then your cry will lose its power, and if you know that you are a voice in the wilderness, say it, but don't say it "I am the voice that cries in the wilderness". On January 29, Catherine received an "extremely selfish letter" from Murray; that day another gust of wind blew up her bay of despair.In fact it was difficult to see what could be blamed for the letter, the attacks it provoked seemed unfair to him, but as a woman in love she seemed undeserving of the ensuing blows.

She thought he would wire £10 immediately after telling Murray Hemita Nursing Home was expensive, but he didn't. Money will only be available at the next paycheck.And she, ignorant of the situation, sent him an ultimatum demanding £10 a month for her expenses in the nursing home, writing in her diary: "At night, the old Casita felt like mad Generally, it seems to hear voices and words, and hallucinations appear.” At exactly this time (February 7, 1920) she received a letter from Capri from Lawrence viciously abusing her, which seemed to end their once so cherished friendship. occur.At this point Murray sent her £20, explaining why it could not have been sent earlier.But the "fucking 20 pounds", she raged, "I need love and understanding", are those also run out, and won't be available until February 1?The same page is filled with the following: I want to say one more thing, today Lawrence wrote me a letter, he cursed me, insulted me, said "I curse you, you consumptive bastard I hate - Italy People don't trust you, do it right", and a whole bunch of stuff like that.Now I beg you, if you are indeed my husband, stop speaking nicely about him in the press, and have some self-respect.In the same letter he also said his final opinion of you was that you were "a dirty crawler".So, with a little self-respect, please don't forgive him.

Lawrence's letter also said "you are a damn reptile - I hope you die" No one can explain why Lawrence did this, why this time was chosen.Murray's refusal to have his novel "Adolphus" published in The Temple of Athena does not seem to explain all this hatred.Apparently Catherine, because of her deep distress of late, had written to Lawrence, perhaps a letter of confidence, as she had written to him from Bandar in 1915.But why would he accuse her with such violent language, though, given the rage he'd had with his lung disease?An explanation may be found in the unpublished forewords of The Prussian Officer, Women in Love, and Murray's naive refusal of Lawrence's advances in Cornwall.In the story, something in the officer's heart "broke down terribly, he hated to touch the bruise on the signalman's thigh" and so on, what would the officer do if he hadn't met the girl? ——"You damn reptile, I wish you could die".

①An island in Italy. —— Annotation Miss Fullerton came to see her the next day in her carriage, and knew she had grown to hate the place: the noise of trays of food coming and going, doors opening and closing.Over tea she said, "Honey, we want you to come and live with us, it's very quiet, you can be alone all day if you want...you'll be fine".Then, with a smile, he said, "God sent you to us, and may God let us heal your boobs." Catherine told Murray this, and asked, "Why would they do that?" Obviously she knew very well. , she wrote in her diary: "For the first time it occurred to me that maybe I should join the Catholic Church, I must have a faith."

In a letter to Murray, the storm subsided, he sold a book of her stories to Constable Press, received an advance of £40, and bought her a coat to replace the lost one; Swear to beat Lawrence the next time you see him.Murray's letter resonated with a deeply prim and feminine woman in Catherine's, who wrote back that she liked her man and might as well be a caveman with a club sometimes.So, after all this, she loved him more, "Loving you, I can't face the solitude—flowers go on in the desert—flowers go on toward the sun." Catherine soon moved into the "Villa des Flowers", enjoying the hospitality and luxury of her cousins, and she remained there until April, while Ada took a job at another nearby nursing home (the city was full of British hypochondriacs), usually visit her at night.

The letter from the Flower Villa was not as natural as the others, a little artificial.Apparently Fullerton and Miss Beecham did wish their young friend to recover, but also hoped that she would be converted to Catholicism.In accepting their hospitality and gifts, she accepted a false position, and the inauthenticity was revealed in the letters. One day, after drinking coffee and mulled wine on the balcony, they took her for a ride in the mountains near Ratby. In the evening, Ida received a note in an extremely unnatural tone. Catherine said that when she was lying on the mountain in the afternoon, she Knowing that there is a God, she will "become a Roman Catholic" one day.Later, Ada was forbidden to mention this note, or even to mention it.

Two weeks later, on St. Joseph's Day, Miss Fullerton gifted Catherine a leather-bound copy of Imitation of Christ, but it did not have the desired effect. The words made her wince: "It is a great thing to live in a state of obedience, to obey one's superiors, and not to make one's own way," and beside these words Catherine wrote: "Nonsense."It didn't take long for Murray to learn that she was not interested in the "personal divinity" of Catholicism. On the balcony of the casita she wrote one day: "I don't want a god to praise or ask but to share my thoughts. Looking at the primroses after the rain this afternoon, I don't want anyone's dancing ’, I just want to feel that they saw it too.” There was, in fact, a new question, of which she was silent in her letters at this time, because she was so ashamed.When Catherine stayed with her two cousins, she learned that her father felt that she was not really entitled to the maintenance he gave her, that she should be supported by her husband, and it was a very big concession for Hal to spend a large sum of money for her every year.Possibly she misunderstood some of what he had said: he had indeed made arrangements that Murray would not receive the principal after her death, and probably made a few remarks; but he did intend to continue paying his living expenses.She believed what she had heard, however, and was so sad that she refused to write to him again, and the silence lasted nearly two years. Her heartbreak ensued: she proudly sent him a copy of I Can't Speak French, freshly hand-printed by the Heron Press and Richard Murray, only to learn later from a relative that Her father said that March 19 was the birthday of Joseph, the father of Jesus. ——Annotation "I threw that thing into the fireplace, it's not even smart".She showed the book somewhat carelessly to her mistress, and the result, though amusing, was almost as depressing for her. Young Richard Murray was an artist, and Catherine began to write affectionately to him while she was on vacation abroad.He was 18 at the time, and was delighted by the generosity of the letters, saying at one point, "I think she sees me as some kind of mascot, because I've had and recovered from consumption." Thus Richard in some respects took the place of her brother Leslie, and received the affection which had belonged to her brother, and Richard always remembered some of her goodness. Yet some discerning friends can be found even in Menton. In April, publisher Grant Richard introduced Catherine to Sidney and Violet Seaver, two wealthy men who funded and recruited creative talent and who lived in Rogbrunn (Catherine had lived in London with Seaver met briefly and reviewed a novel by Stephen Hudson, not knowing it was Sidney Seaver at the time). It is recorded in "Sieves and his wife came to drink tea, and Connie lay on the sofa to read a book. I felt that I had to live alone, alone, and only artists could come to the door." The following passage sounds more like Van Gogh than Katherine Mansfield: "Every artist cuts off his own ear and nails it to the door, and makes others shout at it." Like Corny and Jenny, the Schiffs drank sweet coffee and enjoyed a life of luxury, often living in the West End and the Riviera; but they invited artists to their doors, not book burners.Catherine fell in love with them in this moment of desperate need, Seaver was free to express his views on the art of the short story, and his wife was Oddo Liveson (whom Oscar Wilde called "the Sphinx"). "②) and a singer, whose interests ranged from Catherine, Wyndham Lewis, Joyce, Picasso, Stravinsky, Proust (Sieve translated his last volumes), they do not appear to have visited Bloomsbury. Catherine was soon back in London, and since September she has written to Murray a hundred thousand words, fragments of which are more valuable than many of her stories, as well. In Hamster, she joined her own group of vagrants.Mark Gertler came over for tea, "Catherine, I heard you got it too, did you vomit blood? Is it the same as it says in the book? Do you think it'll be cured?" And he laughed right away.Brett came too, and she used to play tennis with Murray now, telling jokes about how many of her friends had "spotted lungs." Kay drove into town in a rented car, to the offices of The Temple of Athena, which shared a staircase with The Nation in the Adelphi block.In a letter to Violet Sieve, she described it this way: unimaginably shabby, old Mason Han slinking around the door like a flour-coated cat, . . . Huxley like Like a candle flickering, waiting for the door to open to go out.Poor old fools with brooches on their lapels, Tomlinson ④ back on the muddy roads of Flanders ⑤; Sullivan and ① Stephen Hudson (1841-1922), originally named Sidney ? Seaver, British novelist. ——Annotation ② refers to the winged sphinx in Greek mythology.It is said that she often asked Zhu Xingren to guess riddles, and if she couldn't guess, she would kill them.Later generations often use it as a metaphor for enigmatic people. ——Annotation ① Stravinsky (1882～1971), a Russian composer, was naturalized in France and the United States one after another. He is one of the representatives of modernist composers. —— Annotation ② Proust (1871~1922), a French writer, is representative of the multi-volume novel "Reminiscence of the Past". ——Translation note ③Mason Han (1860～1924), British journalist, editor of the literary journal "Nation" at that time. ——Annotation ④Tomlinson (1873～1958), British novelist and essayist, whose representative works include the novel "Morning Light" and travel notes "The River of London" and so on. —— EM Foster looked blurred and frightened.. Jack is a literary person. He admits that he is not energetic now, "I don't value people very much, except to see them as some kind of symbol", Yet at the urging of the Sieves, the Murrays invited up-and-comers to dinner, with their baggage: the Elliots dined with us tonight, and the room was still shaking as soon as they left, and Jack went downstairs To send them off - Mrs. Elliott's voice - "Oh, don't pity Tom, he's happy" .. she does annoy me, worries me.. I can't imagine what she 'saw' - John accidentally dropped a spoon, and she called out, "You're too noisy tonight, what's the matter?" She came to my bedroom, lay on the sofa, and said lazily, "This room is different from the last time I was here." Just the same," come to think of it, she'd been here before--and Elliott, leaning over her, admiring her, listening, admiring her--did care if she liked the country. I adore Elliott and I sympathize with him tonight when he talks about you guys.. but this tea shop guy. Wary and indecisive, Virginia still brooded over the novel review and wondered who should make the first move now that Catherine was back, yet she sent Catherine a copy from Richmond. Friendly postcards, only to receive a "stiff formal note" inviting her to visit.The apathy disappeared, and the two rapported, having "two hours of incomparably precious conversation." Catherine returns to her yellow desk after these encounters with her wandering group to contemplate "the development of the self"—the self that emerges at last from fallen leaves and mud, untouched by the experiences we seek and discard. Bud tips, one day ephemeral on the ground. "In short, we live for this moment—the moment when we feel directly who we really are, with very little personal emotion." Murray and Catherine, after discussing the publication of her novel, decided to despise some passages from "The Temple of Athena" as short stories, regardless of regular subscribers; Catherine published it unobtrusively in June. Her story, "Revelation," made Virginia gnash her teeth. "I didn't have time to write a single word here last week," Kay wrote in a letter to Violet Seaver: "This week is full of manuscripts to be read; finalized poems, essays; Fiction for review; plans to order; and an article on why we intend to publish short stories, and an excellent review for The Nation." Thus London summers were spent in the labors of the publication, and Rhythm writer Thomas Moulter, visiting at home, noted that Mrs. Murray "sat at her typewriter every Tuesday morning until the afternoon when work was done. to leave."Her lunch was egg wash and wine, and Sylvia Lind, who sometimes visited, noticed her ring slipping on her finger as she poured tea. She had few guests, but "Elizabeth" now admired her cousin's review articles, and visited, perhaps to make up for the cold shoulder Kath Beecham had felt.She had just divorced Bertrand Russell's dreaded brother, and was received by Catherine with a level of humility, perhaps sending out translation notes on the "man" issue that both of them were interested in. ——Annotation ①Thomas Molt (1885~1974), a British literary and art critic, was a contributor to many literary newspapers at that time. ——Annotation with one or two sentences.Catherine evidently remembered this meeting when she spoke of her to Murray a few months later; and wrote her only explicit opinion on sexual relations: Your remarks about Elizabeth are very interesting, please forgive me To be frank, she is useless to a physical lover, that is to say, in bed, and that is the only thing she can't stand—she'll be terrified, her whole life, her life, her faculties, her vitality In not obeying.I sometimes wonder if obedience is the greatest act—the most marvelous act, and it is the hardest, and can anyone but the privileged of this world do it or even think of it?You see this is immensely complicated, it requires true humility and at the same time an absolute belief in one's fundamental freedom, it is an act of faithfulness, and like all great acts, it is pure risk at the last moment.As a person and as a writer, I think so. Yet this meeting of the two writers doesn't really tell the story, and a cherished friendship remains to be developed. Virginia visited again and was invited to review "Happiness and Other Stories" for "The Temple of Athena," and she agreed, regardless of her own considerations. In August, they broke up for the last time.Murray's self-absorption surprised onlookers this year in Hamster, who completely forgot his own birthday (6 August) when Thomas Moulter was at their house.Catherine soon wrote a diary entry about his reaction to her incessant coughing, "Jack was silent, with his head bowed and his hands covered, as if he couldn't bear it". Years later, Richard Murray recalled, "My brother simply lacked everything he needed, and he just made her feel worse by being there, sullen, and he couldn't cheer her up at all." Unfortunately Catherine was now beginning to realize the feelings that had grown between Murray and Bradley the previous winter.Brett now lives on Thurlow Road, not far from Elephant, and Murray wrote Brett a letter in March when Kay was still at Flower Cottage, in which he said: You know I love you, Just like I know you love me, when I was nervous and anxious, and my spirit was on the verge of collapse, your tenderness helped me through the difficulties.I know it sounds strange, but it was your love that made me realize the sacredness of my marriage to Catherine.I'm pretty much on the verge of breaking down, and I can find some excuses, but not many. "It's vague," he went on, "but you'll get it."Maybe even Catherine could understand that she might have read the letter that contained the simple truth, maybe she hadn't, but she did see the letter Bret wrote to him, and Catherine wrote these hateful words in the third week of August : Brett was a little dazed in his letter to Murray, writing this morning about how he wanted to run into the cornfields - freaking me out.Then he's supposed to slap her hard enough and she threatens to cry on top of him until his clothes are all wet.poor thing!She was 37 years old, hysterical, mentally disturbed, from a terrible family background - he "woke up" her.Her whole face was changed, her mouth was parted, her eyes were wide, and there was something stupidly obnoxious in her smile that made me shudder.And the bitten nails, the dirty neck—the dirt on the teeth!No matter what he thought, it was she who flattered him, adored him, and asked the prophet for help while he told her the ancient tragedy. More than a week later she wrote again: August 19.Jack had mentioned this morning casually that he had considered renting a house on Thurlow Road with Brett last winter.it is good.Is their relationship just friendship?oh no!He kissed her, hugged her, they must have realized that there was something more dangerous than friendship, and then he thought about sharing a house with her..., regardless of my emotions - this selfishness surprised me, I This must be remembered while away.Murray treats me as much as anyone else.. I have to remember he is just a friend of mine - nothing else, who would expect a man like that!To make this kind of plan at a time like this, and then as soon as I get back and say: I have to take care of Brett, how mean and nasty!It's just disgusting. One can only feel sorry for them, for they all suffered, and there is a passage in Murray's diary written 30 years later that speaks of his longing for the warmth and thoughtfulness of a woman, "When a man has cared for a sick man for years my wife, how I longed for it when I worried about her." In September 1920, full of hopes of recovering her health, Catherine set off for Menton and Isabella villas accompanied by Ada, with works by Chaucer, Spencer, Coleridge and Chekhov in her luggage. "Happiness and Other Stories" is coming out for Christmas, and she plans to have Methuen publish some kind of "diary" at the same time, and even start writing bits and pieces while on the train.Ships and notebooks, trains and notebooks, these always go together. Miss Fullerton's maid cleaned the room and prepared tea, and in the morning Catherine wrote the first cheerful letters from Isabella, in which all the charms of Menton shone: its colours, its scents. , flowers and animals - including the wonderful Mary, her nurse, the artist in the kitchen, all delightful, full of beauty and warmth and light.But she was blackmailed as soon as she got there: a voice from the past, from Worichoffen, just as described in an earlier story called "The House." Frojan Sobiniowski is married and now works at the Polish embassy in London. He must have seen the publication notice of "Happiness", so out of the most considerate motives, he came to Momo, who is now rich. Mr. Lee, suggesting that a packet of letters Catherine wrote while she was at Worichoffen might be worth £40 (just as much as Constable had advanced her). "It's annoying and awful to have you bothered like this," she had to write to Murray three days after her arrival. "I'm surprised at the Chelsea phase Fosso is referring to, but he does have the time I wrote when I first met him. I am willing to take back some of the letters I paid for." Ada offered the required 40 pounds, Murray went to a law firm, the letters finally returned to Catherine, and were destroyed, so it was finally settled This past.She grew accustomed to the apathy brought on by her illness, and thinking of Brett, she could write to Murray and say, "I hope you're playing tennis well and everything is going well." When he forgot her birthday in October, She also accepted it very calmly. On October 18 she wrote an excellent letter to Murray that rivals hers.She said she had been thinking of Walter de la Mar - he had been "haunting" her, sharing her happiness in "a still world", adding: You know lately I've often felt that apart from these signs , besides these hints, this silence has other meanings, if one obeys, is it not possible to enter a whole world?The world is close at hand, but I feel afraid to give myself to it. What is this mysterious thing that waits and beckons to me? Then there is suffering, like the physical torture I have endured for three years, which changes everything—even the face of the world—adds something else, casts a shadow over everything, against this suffering right?Do you know that I feel like it's a tremendous privilege -- it took me three years to understand -- to understand.We resisted, we were terrified, the boat sailed into the dark and frightful harbour, and we could only cry and run—"Send me ashore," but it was no use, no one heeded, and the shadows drove on.People should sit quietly with their eyes open. When Catherine writes so directly out of suffering, yet with such objective courage.Powerful symbols don't need to be searched for, they appear naturally on the paper in front of her.The natural closeness of her mind to that of Rilke at that time was a strange phenomenon: no writer of her generation was so close to him, but she never knew him. The letter continued: I believe the greatest failure is to be I wish perfect love can drive away fear.. Looking back on my life, everything I did wrong was fear.. so should I face death?Nothing saves me, you know people sometimes have to think.. no, not a personal god or such nonsense, more like a soul's reckless choice. She had to find and master this moral strength by herself, but now her physical strength was very weak. She's thinner than she's ever been, and her weekly critique job is getting in the way of her creative work. She knew very well that "Happiness" wasn't quite good enough, and she knew that something good should be written right away. Then her strange hallucinations gave rise to the short story "Little Girl" (which manifested in her dreams), and then "The Stranger," based on her father's encounter with her mother in a New Zealand port in 1909, among her best late s work.At the same time, she is also trying to look back at her past life, "It was not pleasant, pleasant or easy".She wrote to Murray, "I think your sins are just unconscious, and easier to forgive than mine.. I've sinned and then excused myself, or pushed it to the back of my mind, with the excuse that 'to think about these things doesn't benefit' or (more often) 'it's all experience living', yet it's not all experience living, there's waste, 'and destruction'." “I polish my writing a little bit,” she says, yet she believes she has avoided her enemies — and come out on top.Her inspiration comes from love: "I finally realized that life means being close to you for me".Little did Murray know that when she spoke like this, it was a sign of danger and dark clouds were beginning to gather. A series of famous short stories appeared one after another, first "Miss Brier", then "Poison", "The Lady's Maid", and soon wrote half of "The Late Colonel's Daughter", all of which are similar to "Happiness". is on a par with the best of the best.She asked Murray to act as her attorney to have it published.Yet in the meantime, during the most prolific period since 1917, her desperation once again overwhelmed her with stormy force—the cause, it seems, was that Murray had allowed The Planet to publish a photograph of her. . Publicity for "Happiness" required the use of photographs, and Murray naively gave Michael Sadler a photograph taken in his studio in 1913.He liked the photo, when she looked healthy, albeit a bit gloomy.She was furious when she saw it, and immediately sent a telegram ordering him to burn it, "You know how much I hate it", and then wrote a letter furiously saying: "She doesn't have those eyes like a beast, like a poodle. Long hair and messy bangs.She said she wasn't a cow, she was weak, she was thin and sick, but it was the real her—didn't he know that?Her rage lasted for a few days, and she even borrowed a typewriter and typed out an "official" letter for him, rescinding him as her attorney, and Murray was completely devastated in London.This is the sort of thing that couples tend to forget afterward, but this is the situation Catherine was in when she wrote two of her best short stories, "There are other things I must tell you," she writes, when she was still Furious, annoyed that he had not mentioned her Stranger, a literary publication in England at the time, in his letter. ——Annotator: I have been ill for almost 4 years—I have changed, changed—not like that anymore.You put twice as much effort into your own work (which I can't see) than I do, I don't want to be rejected for being a masterpiece, who mentions that "first snow"?I won't live as long as you do, I feel like I have almost no time, and after I'm dead Arthur can still paint 100 years of posters.I'm lonely with no one around me. On the Saturday after her outburst, Murray went to dine with Anne Estelle Rice and her husband, Raymond Del Rey, and took his leave with Mrs. Bernamie Dubley. When, unexpectedly, he kissed the face of the hostess (later wrote a letter explaining it, but tore it up again). Monday was still depressed. When he walked to the subway station, he saw a prostitute and stopped to talk to her. He said, "No, I have no other intentions, I just want to talk to someone."He took her to dinner at Merz (she was a Lancashire girl and treated him well).The next night, he called Brett and ran to her house at 10pm and held her in his arms but was very disgusted with her and himself.He "almost came to his senses" on Wednesday when Mary Hutchinson invited him to dinner next Monday with Princess Elizabeth Bibusco, whose father was Margot Esquith, whom Murray had just Reviewed his "Memoirs".Driving away with her (she now invited him to dinner), he suddenly kissed her on the face.He returned to the Portland villa "in a state of anxiety and distress." The princess sent Murray a short story for publication in The Temple of Athena, and he told her that the story was "very clever" and that it might be published after revision.But Monday was too far away, and she came to visit him in his office on Friday, and he was embarrassed by the kiss, but she was sweet and lovely. After she left, he wrote her a letter saying he was terrified lest she would mistake the kiss for a courtship and so on.All of this is the work of a man with an almost pathological craving for tenderness. In fact he had already found this tenderness in Elisabeth Bibusco (she seemed to be in love with him), yet he wrote to Catherine to tell his pain, and what was worse, to write that clever story Send her for advice.No, no, she said - she wouldn't read it for £5, she was too busy.Instead, she finished "The Lady's Maid," sent it to a journal for publication, and told him that "KM" would no longer write reviews. He poured out his distressed state of mind and drew a telegram (December 12) "Stop torturing me with such false and depressing letters, like a man, or don't write to me." The next day, she finished了那个有关爱情和怜悯的杰作——《已故上校的女儿》，似乎她一口气写完了小说的后半部分，午夜后已精疲力尽，埃达给她端来了茶和鸡蛋三明治。 在这段插曲中两人遭受的痛苦可以追寻到1912年，那一年杰克?默里是一个温柔的年轻人，需要支柱和母亲般的体贴；他接受了“曼斯菲尔德”及时为他提供的房间，自从她生病以后，他渐渐地失去了越来越多自己最需要的东西，当然她也是一样，“我首先是一位作家，其次才是个女人”，她在最近的信中两次告诉他——1911年她就承认过这一事实；自从1907年以来，她就知道自己“有一半是男人”。他现在有的只是剩下的一小半，而且还生病了，离得很远。 至于她自己，已经多少与之妥协——“我想让人们把这看作我的自我表①默里弟弟的小名。——译注白，”这是她1920年12月19日写的：“生活是一个谜，这些信带来的可怕的痛苦——知道杰克希望我死——他正在促使我早死——将会渐渐消失。我必须加紧工作，把我的焦虑变成别的东西。悲伤将变成欢乐。” 她写这些时，他正前来芒通度圣诞节；因此这第二次风暴又平息了。埃达同他们在一起，看见他们平静地度过了几个星期。杰克的刷子和梳子使两人合用的房间变了样。中说到“我们之间的关系有着神秘的融洽，整个的感觉是他与我尽管比人们能梦想的还要不同，却是一个有机的整体”。 到达后的那天，默里写信告诉布雷特无论如何他回去后不能在她的房子里住下，破坏他对她所怀有的好感。他说他没有能力轻易地对待那样一种情夫——情妇关系，也许他该那样做，但不是同她。“似乎我在另一方面太喜欢你，因而不能同你有任何肉体关系”。人们总说他不能正视“女性因素”，也许这话不错——“我们等等看”（这些话使布雷特怀有希望，以为凯瑟琳死后杰克将会娶她）。 凯暂时没再写什么故事，只是平静的生活本身。看见她病得很重，杰克只好决定让《雅典娜神庙》同《民族》合并，有关事务的谈判已经开始；已陆续收到有关《幸福》的评论，大意是说她已“卓有成效”。 此时凯瑟琳写了一封给柯特连斯基的怀旧信，以一种奇特的讨好口吻回忆起他们早年的好时光，然而此时柯特恰好时她深感恼火，因为她不小心弄丢了他一本翻译契诃夫作品的笔记本，于是他似乎又一次退缩进自己顽固的沉默中去了。 还有一封更重要的给奥列加的信——重要性在于它与将要临近的事件有关。显然她知道他会听到对她作品唱的赞歌，听见人们提到契诃夫是她的“老师”；奥列加去世后，人们发现他只留下很少的个人文件，但这封信也在其中，表明这对他也具有特殊意义：亲爱的奥列加：几个月来我一直想写这封信。 我想告诉你我非常欣赏“旧日”你对我那一如既柱的好意，谢谢你让我从你那儿学到了许多东西。我现在仍然——非常惭愧——学问很低，但是你教会了我写作，教会我思索；你告诉我该做什么，不该做什么。 我亲爱的奥列加，我真想告诉你我常常回想起你的谈话，在写作时，常常想起我的老师，这样说是否太过分？那么请原谅我。 但是让我谢谢你，奥列加——感谢你的一切，但愿哪天我能写一本短篇小说集“献给”你..如果我不能将死亡拒之门外，那么你也知道这是我的野心。 敬仰感谢你的KM只有现在，《幸福》发表以后，她才能真正看到——第一次——自己的作品编集成书后是什么样子，别人又是怎么看待它的然而，书评在劳伦斯那里引起了反感，他写信给玛丽?迦南说（她2月去了芒通），“看见她时替我唾她的脸，她是个彻头彻尾的撒谎者；至于他，我少说为妙..让这两个人遭瘟吧。”不久又写信给柯特，“我听说《雅典娜神庙》在我们这位爬虫朋友掌管下一年损失5000英镑..我听说他现在——或曾经——同凯瑟琳呆在里维埃拉——她正在苟延残喘，还想对别人发号施令..两个爬虫，缠在彼此长长的肚子上。”显然劳伦斯不能忍受他俩相爱。 对于英国小说，1920年并非值得纪念的日子，威尔斯和本涅特开始失去在人们心中小说家的声望，因为他们不再是时代的喉舌；福斯特、赫胥黎和多萝西?理查德逊只写了一些小作品；《恋爱中的妇女》虽然可以在美国买到，在英国仍未出版；维吉尼亚?吴尔夫的名字只为少数人所知，而知道乔伊斯的人就更少；凯瑟琳自己一年来都在评论一些不怎么样的书，其中唯一突出的似乎只有高尔斯华绥的《骑虎》；因此《幸福》虽然是世人从未加以重视的短篇小说，却成为一件大事，既是英国文学新的观察方式，也是新的声音。 知道此书并不值得如此称赞的评论家当然是凯瑟琳自己，她知道除了《序曲》《我不会说法语》和《没有脾气的男人》（她自己也很看重《幸福》）以外，其他大部分都无足轻重，或只是凑数而已，事实上，那只是她多年栽培的树上风吹落地的果实而已，她知道自己必须再写出好作品，或者就只有撒手而去，留下“零星片断”。 她非常清楚该怎样做得更好，因为评论《夜与昼》的经验使她思考过小说和战争。似乎不仅本涅特，高尔斯华绥以及其他所有老作家都准备重新追寻爱德华时代的生活，连维吉尼亚也不例外。凯瑟琳知道至少自己受到战争和疾病的影响，必须找出“新的表达方式”来展示新思想，新感觉，对此她已说过很多：你知道已没有时间去绕弯子说话，他们砍倒了樱桃树，卖掉了果园——这的确是我需要的气氛和感觉。是的，跳舞、黎明以及火车上喊着“跳下去”的英国人——所有这些加上背景..我不明白经历过我们这个时代的作家们怎么能够放弃最近这10年，重弹老调：什么爱德华为什么不明白，维不愿意受诱惑或（见本涅特）为什么12客一桌的晚餐需要改换等等，如果我不评论小说的话，永远不会去读它们。 然而她信中谈到的原则总是比她的实践更为一目了然，她的工作是间接的，在伊莎贝拉别墅写的8篇故事中，有5篇（包括《已故上校的女儿》）是“孤独女士”主题的变奏，2篇描写婚姻生活中的孤独，只剩下《小姑娘》讲的是别的主题。8篇中有3篇以死亡为主要原因，讲到死亡如何影响生活。 《已故上校的女儿》当然还谈到许多别的事情，其绝妙的处理时间变换的方式——一种与别的作家无关的技巧，而且在1920年没人能与之匹敌——表明时间本身也是一个角色。 在伊莎贝拉故事中有显而易见的逃避自我、战胜个人的意识，甚至在《小姑娘》中，人们也不再认为叙述者是凯瑟琳自己。如果说这些老小姐故事有些单薄乏味，是故事的不足之处的话，那么世上所有老小姐、女仆、年轻家庭女教师的生活本身也是如此——她们都是爱德华时代的牺牲品，皇家学院曾作过尝试，试图为这些英格兰过剩的妇女做些善事，这是建立皇家学院的目的，比切姆小姐也是在那里受的教育，她的孤独女士故事记述的历史超过了人们所承认的。 当然，这些故事并未公开针对社会宣称妇女的作用，凯丝?比切姆从来就不是早期的女权主义者，她所写的许多孤独女士故事中没有一篇能打动一位爱德华时代的读者，使他“坐下来开一张支票”；这也是维吉尼亚?吴尔夫钦佩她作品的一个原因。从一开始，她就认为自己的职责纯属创造性工作，只涉及形象思维，与环境无关。她的作品表达的主要价值是想象本身的价值。 “我们是艺术家”，她常常对默里宣称，如果有任何东西是她想加以改进的话，那就是文学形式，这种形式通过她的想象可以获得真实的力量。1908年从那个妇女参政会议上逃跑后，她写信给加纳特?特罗维尔（她认为他也是一位“艺术家”）！ 房间里开始热起来，空气中弥漫着一种骚动不安的抵触情绪，已经过了10点30分，我跑到街上，空气清新，满天星星，因此决定我不会去做一个参政者——世上有的是笑声，噢，我觉得自己可以用容易得多的方式来补救世界——你说呢？ 根据以后发生的一切事情看来，那“更容易”含着一些讽刺。当凯瑟琳?曼斯菲尔德把自己绑在艺术的栏杆上时，没有好心的警察前来解救她。事实上，她反复回到她那孤独女士主题，谈论她的女性受害者，通过想象给她们以生命。 难道这仅是她自己的想象，或者是真的这些侍者——尤其是侍者——和旅馆仆人采取了一种无礼、傲慢，又稍带取笑的态度来对待一位独自旅行的女人？或者这只是她自己，可怜的女人的自我感觉？不，她的确不这样认为，因为哪怕当她最高兴，最自由自在时，也会突然感到侍者和仆人的腔调，奇怪的是这相应地损害了她的安全感，她似乎觉得某种对她不利的事情正在计划中，似乎一切人，一切事——是的，甚至连桌椅板凳这些无生命的东西——都“知道内情”——都在等待着那可怕的，不可避免的事落在她头上，这种事一定会发生，而且总是会发生在世上每一个独自旅行的妇女身上。 几分钟后，同一位妇女一人呆在旅馆房间里面对着镜子：她抚摸着手笼，自言自语说“镇静”，但是太晚了，她失去了控制自己的能力，结结巴巴地说：“我必须，你知道..我必须有爱情，..我不能没有爱情而活着，你知道..不是..”说着说着，她心中的那团冰块融化了，变成了热泪，她感到这些眼泪滚滚流淌过她的身体，是的，她哭成了个泪人；她俯身在亲爱熟悉的手笼上，觉得自己要融化在泪水中了，完了——全完了，什么都完了！一切全完了，失败了。 通过给予她们生命，形象以及痛苦的经验，她的确多多少少为那些在世上独自旅行的人说了话。 她的疾病没有显示出缓和的真正迹象，但是早在11月，当她的心境仍然平和时，曾同富勒顿安排好将伊莎贝拉别墅租到1922年，她希望在那儿直住到痊愈，如果《雅典娜神庙》真的停刊，她就会让默里也来，两人可以再次从法国南部给国内撰稿。 圣诞节期间，默里决定加速这项计划的实施。2月，他回到伦敦去清理事务，其间他遇见了维吉尼亚?吴尔夫，他关于凯瑟琳的消息促使她写了那封凯从未回过的信。实际上他这次回来标志着默里夫妇同布卢姆斯伯里团体的分道扬镳，毫无疑问仅仅因为他是重要的主编，他们才与他一直保持联系。 汉姆斯特的房子此时正租给西德尼?沃特罗居住，在维吉尼亚眼里，那儿已经是她称之为“底层”的一部分，后来则成为“猪圈”。1921年，维吉尼亚的确翻阅过凯瑟琳的作品，但读后感到要去清洗自己的头脑。直到凯瑟琳去世，不再成为威胁，维吉尼亚才真正想到她。 3月，埃达去伦敦清理房子，现在的计划是搬往瑞士，猫也要带去。默里受到沃特?雷利的邀请，将去8年前他极其讨厌的牛津讲学，正在伊莎贝拉别墅忙着准备编写《论文体》。 柯妮表亲和富勒顿小姐得知凯瑟琳在某一封信中说她们没有“教皇派头”，就想把别墅租给别人住，她们用不着担心，她已经开始不满芒通和布切齐医生，已写信给日内瓦的一位老同学打听旅馆问题，她还让布切齐医生给她提供了疾病状况的证明。默里写信给西德尼?沃特罗（他在外交部工作），请他帮助打听瑞士一位斯普林格医生的情况，同一天（1921年3月20日）凯瑟琳告诉埃达她将永远离开芒通。她说默里5月将去英格兰讲学，她“已同他安排好，无论如何不到冬天不要出国”。“仍在寻找住处，犹豫不决时，让他也来瑞士是不可能的，他很不愿意来。”这是她对埃达撒的一个谎，因为当时她很不满默里。正当此时他收到几封信，凯瑟琳恰好读了，虽然并非写给她的，因此告诉埃达：“伊莉莎白?比布斯柯又活过来了，昨天写的一封信央求他抵抗凯瑟琳，'你迄今为止一直忍耐她，现在又怎能不让步呢？ 你发誓说世上没有什么能分开我们。 '..我希望他把这种关系继续下去，他愿意这样。她问'没有你的文学忠告，我怎能生活下去？ '这是一个非常诱人的问题，我要写信给这个愚蠢的小家伙。 " 亲爱的比布斯柯郡主： 恐怕你得停止写这些情书给我的丈夫，我们俩人现仍在一起生活，这种事情我们这儿不时兴。 你仍然很年轻，但愿你不会让你丈夫对你解释这种事情是不可能的。 请不要让我再给你写信，我不喜欢骂别人，也讨厌教训别人该怎么做人。 your 凯瑟琳?曼斯菲尔德 在伊莎贝拉别墅没有再写什么故事，只有日记片断，一些对杰克关于伊莉莎白?比布斯柯闪烁其辞的猜疑，“几分钟以前，我还认为我可以写一个长篇小说”。3月写的一则日记说，“一个男人忠实自己的妻子，但又会撒谎，但是我不能说什么，我不能写长篇小说，我想我要写些小故事。” 实际上她已写了《毒药》，一篇痛苦的小故事，讲的是神秘的来信如何毁坏了一个婚姻，默里拒绝把它登在《雅典娜神庙》上，认为它“不完全成功”。 她在芒通呆的一年给她留下了很坏的回忆，比布斯柯事件过后，她觉得自己“肮脏”，“讨厌”，或兼而有之——“我想到的每一件事似乎都是虚假的”，她渴望某种纯真的东西，在日记中有一小首散文诗，盼望那覆盖一切的白雪的纯洁：“忘了，忘了吧，抹去了一切，遮盖了一切——白雪说，那是很久以前，再也不能重现，再也不能折磨你，一切都杳无痕迹。” 埃达又去了南方，决定让她在蒙特里斯①附近看看，在默里去牛津讲学时她将回到凯瑟琳身边。1921年5月4日，凯瑟琳由埃达陪同，离开芒通，前往蒙特里斯后面波吉的一家旅馆，从此再也没有见过地中海。 ①瑞士游览胜地，位于日内瓦湖东头。——译注蒙大拿①的小木屋为什么要写得简单些会如此困难呢？——不仅是简单，还要声音和缓，但愿你明白我的意思。这是我渴望能够做到的。不要很优雅的效果——不要华彩乐段，只要简单的真理，就像只有撒谎者才会说的那样说出来。 ——《已婚男人的故事》 在芒通——连同它那没有浴室的别墅——住过以后，整洁干净的波赛特旅馆和面对大山的景色使人耳目一新。默里在英格兰收到来信，信中兴奋地描绘了一番瑞士的清新整洁。然而安妮?赖斯却得知那儿所有的居民都面目丑陋——女人臀部肥大，男人头戴紧绷绷的毡帽，身着太小的格子西服。隔了不久，默里也来了，凯瑟琳同他一起爬上蒙大拿山脉，在那儿她获得了最后一次创作灵感，因此她在瑞士小木屋的作品是她创作生涯的顶峰。同埃达住在波吉时，她同父亲的关系也得到缓和。凯瑟琳离开芒通时仍相信自己那位焚书的父亲不愿意付给她生活费，还不知道比她富裕的姐妹们也得到同样的数额，现在她银行的存款因为《幸福》的出版而有了赢余，她有些害怕父亲知道此事，同时她还等着芒通的布切齐医生送来一张数目可观的帐单；上一年秋天还没有偿还索罗皮尔医生的帐单；她把下一个希望寄托在日内瓦收费昂贵的、自负的斯普林格医生身上。她以为，父亲如听说了《幸福》给她带来的收入，就会突然终止支付生活费，而只有这笔钱才能使她进行这次寻求健康的旅行。 默里尚在英国时，凯瑟琳打电话给蒙大拿的斯蒂芬尼医生，约好去西尔①见他。她租了一辆汽车（“我好多年没做这种事了”），自己开车去——这完全是一种比切姆式的出游，但让她一路饱览了瓦莱地区美丽的罗恩山谷。 此时从惠灵顿寄来了一封她害怕去拆开的信件，她把信寄给默里，附了一张字条，说她肯定信的内容是“那个我一直担心的打击，请你拆开，然后打电报告诉我结果好吗？”她请他不要隐去任何内容，“我能忍受从你那儿听到的一切”。 信封内的确装着一张存折复印件，伦敦银行经理基先生认为应该寄给自己的总裁。然而比切姆附上一张便条说这是“误”寄至他处的。 默里把它从伦敦直接寄回凯瑟琳，并且立刻给他父亲写了一封信。他说：“你竟会如此担忧他会中断给你生活费，太荒谬了。”他尽可能给她父亲详细地描述了她的情景，解释说她病得太重，不能给他写信，也不想让他担心。 他给凯附寄上把她吓坏了的主要内容，说：“你父亲心很好，把它退回，认为寄给他是弄错了——我认为这是绅士的行为——但是阿利克斯?基究竟有什么权力将你私人存折的复印件寄往新西兰？凯瑟琳，如果是我的话，就会将除生活费以外的其他钱全部存在另一个银行。”她立刻作了安排，默里又写信来说，“真的，凯瑟琳，我觉得你过于担忧了，我完全可以肯定他绝不会去为这么一个原因中止给你生活费。”300英镑一年的收入继续付给4个女儿，无论她们身体好坏，经济状况如何。此后凯瑟琳将她作家的收入存入汉姆斯特的巴克利银行，但是她仍然不能给父亲写信。同时，《已故上校的①瑞士山名。——译注①西尔是一小镇名，属于瑞士西南的瓦莱地区。——译注女儿》在《伦敦水星报》上发表，备受推崇，把这消息告诉凯瑟琳时，JC，斯奎尔说：“别忘了把你接下来写的任何东西寄给我们，..但愿你能写一本长篇小说，将你对世界的整个看法全部倾吐出来，目前的小说似乎处于一潭死水之中。” 这似乎引起了她的思索，几天以后（1921年5月23日），她问默里，“难道我不是仅仅生活在浮光掠影之中吗？这种生活有些不对，有些渺小，一个人应该生活得更充实些，有更多的力量去爱，去感觉，一个人必须忠实自己的生活态度——在每一特定之处——然而我没有做到。” 一两天之后，她又告诉小说家贝洛?罗恩德斯太太她对自己的作品不满意，极其渴望描写家庭之爱——正在成长的孩子们之间的爱——母亲对儿子的爱，父亲的感情——温暖，生动亲切——不是“虚构的”——而是“出于自然”。 蒙特里斯开始挤满旅游者，凯瑟琳和埃达沿着罗恩山谷去了安静的小镇西尔，位于瓦莱，四处分布着小型的中世纪堡垒和葡萄园地。她开始去见斯蒂芬尼医生，沿途的景致令她高兴，就像前一年10月曾经使RM里尔克感到高兴一样，一切都如此美好，她唯一想在此遇见的人是“战前的劳伦斯”。 西尔其实是蒙大拿的一个间歇站，蒙大拿高出西尔3000英尺，她也去了那儿，她不敢去挤满了病人和医生的普拉旅馆，不久就看中了杉木小屋，舒适地坐落在山谷下的鲜花和机树丛中。6月10日默里也来了，他们住进了西尔的一家主要旅馆，决定是否要租下一年的瑞士农舍。 23日他们仍在旅馆时，一个男人也住了进来，他也想在瓦菜找一所房子以便写作——他看上去很有军人风度，谦逊有礼，整整齐齐地穿着背心和鞋罩，但几乎又可以看出是位诗人，此人就是里尔克，他的诗作《都诺挽歌》因战争而搁笔，那个冬天他又将重新加以完成，还有《致俄甫斯①的十四行诗》。他有着稀疏的胡髭，同他在一起的是女友贝尔迪恩?克洛索斯卡。他在旅馆隔壁理发店的橱窗内看见一张照片，拍的是附近一座迷人的城堡，准备出租或出售，就这样，里尔克发现了他的米索城堡。此时，默里夫妇正准备乘登山缆车去杉木小屋。 他们安顿了下来，开始进一步结识一位邻居。阳光小屋的主人是罗素伯爵夫人，沿着山腰走半小时的路程就到了，因此伊莉莎白和她的瑞士花园不久就对凯瑟琳欢迎之至，让她使用图书室，给杉木小屋大捧的鲜花和一篮篮的杏子，至于凯瑟琳自己，则需克服某种保留态度（她表姐有些“庸俗的小心眼”），但是伊莉莎白开朗大方的性格还是使她克服了这种情绪，凯瑟琳的最后一次友谊就是这样同与自己有血缘关系的人形成的。 木屋的房间很小，深色的家具使它看上去更加阴暗，但是屋内有浴室和热水，这比伊莎贝拉别墅好，冬天还有暖气（里尔克的城堡既没电也没水），凯瑟琳自己住在楼上，有一个阳台俯瞰山谷。她同默里马上开始像”两张时刻表”一样生活，工作一个上午，喝完茶再工作至晚饭——默里为《民族》和《文学副刊》写文章，凯瑟琳则写些东西挣钱来偿付医生的帐单。 没有空余的房间给埃达，她在村里另找了一个小房间，后来又在一个诊所找了个工作。 凯瑟琳此时的经济救星是克莱蒙?肖特，他经营《行星》报的热情高于①希腊神话中的善歌者。——译注情趣，付给她6篇短篇小说的稿酬是每篇10基尼，这是她所知的最高报酬，当然她不能拒绝。然而事实上这个合同破坏了她的声誉，这使她回到《幸福》的格调，寻找更多的有关英国夫妇摆弄爱情的聪明的小故事，在《行星》上刊登时还附有可怕的插图。几个月以后，温德姆?刘易斯以厌恶的口气提到凯瑟琳，说她是“那个有名的新西兰杂志故事作家”，毫无疑问在别人心中也留下了坏印象。 其实这些付帐作品的最严厉，最有洞察力的评论者恰恰是凯瑟琳自己。 她知道《都佛先生和太太》（她为肖特写的第一篇作品）过于虚构，“并非情不自禁”，“也不是我要寻求的真实”。她声称“一切都应感受深刻”，因而转向另一篇新西兰故事。她在小木屋所有的写作出现了一种来回摇摆的形式，一方面以欧洲为背景，一方面则是以新西兰为背景，更为具体的小故事——在大部分这类故事中，光明灿烂的背景衬托下都有死亡这一沉默的角色。 她决定再为《行星》写两个故事以后，将着手一篇长一点的作品，构思一个以象征方式表达的主要作品，将她对祖国、童年回忆以及对死亡临近的感觉全部融为一体，成为令人惊奇的结合，表明对爱这一主题的看法。 《在海湾》是在7月底开始写的，于9月10日完成，其间因写作《旅行》而中断，8月因高烧发作又中断写作，而这时又继续完成了在洛尔时开始的那个可怕的热病作品，《已婚男人的故事》。 所有这些展示了凯瑟琳1921年8月创作情况的一个极为复杂的画面。 5月或6月，马丁?萨克宣布将要在伦敦出版《恋爱中的妇女》，默里收到了一本小说，请他评论，那是7月24日，凯瑟琳对奥特琳简单地提到此事，表达了自己的宽慰心情：“真的！真的！真的！”现在此书使他们的友谊经受了考验——而且在芒通还不止此。 凯瑟琳已经告诉过默里，在《失足的女孩》①中劳伦斯“否定了他的人性”，他的男女主人公“只是四处觅食的野兽”，没有感情，也不大说话——“这就是愚昧无知的学说。”谈到阿尔维娜发现自己有了孩子，“感到腹中一阵震颤”那段描写时，她问“一阵震颤——这是什么意思？为什么它在一个男人身上那样特别令人恼火？因为不能从这一方面把别人的情感传达给我们的想象，这是亵读艺术。”现在送来《恋爱中的妇女》让杰克评论，可以想象在这将要被大雪封住的村舍沙龙中，凯瑟琳和默里会有怎样的谈论。杰若德和戈珍因为错误的爱情而走向死亡，这在书中显而易见，很难相信默里的断言，说他们根本就没有认出自己来，尽管有皇家咖啡馆和兄弟情谊的情景。 默里的评论文章8月13日发表，他遗憾地回忆起劳伦斯战前的才能，他“使我们激动地盼望天才的出现”，哀伤这些才能全部消蚀在“火热猛烈的激情中”，角色毫无区别，所有的人都用了同样的词来描述，他们所做的只是“不停地翻滚扭动，就像受到诅咒的人，只处于一种狂热的对彼此的性意识中”。 默里写道：“我们维护意识以及文明，文学即是这种文明最优美的花朵，劳伦斯先生两种都反抗..他是现代英国文学的叛逆，也是其中最有趣的人物，但我们不能对他表示怜悯。”无论如何，这是一篇明智公正的评论，没有人会想到它出自这样一个人之手，劳伦斯曾写信骂他妻子“你是该死的爬①劳伦斯的一篇小说。——译注虫——我希望你死。”当时没有哪位评论家能做到如此公正。 与那些迫害劳伦斯，却没有受到他任何伤害的敌人不同，默里曾经与他关系密切，仍然记得他本来会成为什么样的人物。如果不是因为由疾并弗丽达和战争引起的三重怒火，他本来会成为更好的小说家。 他只是略微谈了一下读《远足》这一章时所感到的厌恶，谈到它的“准确完善”主题（“她认为没有什么力量比男性的力量更深刻强大”）：“劳伦斯先生达到的完善只是一种堕落，他的胜利只是一场灾难。”默里明白自己知道什么，但是缄口不言——只是稍微提到我们的祖先“开始从泥淖中爬起来时”就抛弃了的某种“非人的野兽行径”。当然今天这种话听上去有些过于一本正经。默里的确是一本正经，这一点在他编辑凯瑟琳的文稿时也表现出来。 此时凯瑟琳写信给布雷特，说“使劳伦斯成为真正作家的是他的激情..然而我相信劳伦斯把一切都弄错了..我的信念是除了爱情没有什么能拯救世界，然而他那痛苦的、魔鬼般的爱情我认为全错了。” 不久她完成了《在海湾》，此书目的之一是戈珍就“家庭之爱”这个问题给戈珍的创作者的回答，这种爱“温暖，生动，亲密”——不是“做作的”——也不是尴尬不自然的。 9月10日，凯瑟琳连续不断地工作9小时后，终于完成了《在海湾》，她需要一个星期休息才能使自己恢复过来，此时她觉得应该把《在海湾》给自己正在编的短篇小说集作书名，然而一个月以后，她又写了《园会》，并用此作了书名。 写完《园会》后两星期，她又开始计划写下一本书。显然此书将有清醒的构思，不会塞进一些充数的东西，但保留下来的只有两个预订标题的目录和简单的构思。就在这个秋季，在小木屋中，她在笔记中写道：“上帝，让我心明眼亮，让您的光明照亮我心。” 计划好了写新书以后，她写了一封信给她的父亲，作为妥协行为之一——同过去和现在妥协——她知道这是绝对必要的，显然这封信打破了自从他们在卡西塔会面以来一直保持的沉默，她不能带着这种沉默进坟墓。 令人痛苦的是，当凯瑟琳写此信时，她心中充满对父亲的深情，她主要关心的是在死前重获一点父爱：但她不得不提及别人告诉她的有关父亲不愿给她生活费的事情。 同样令人痛苦的是，当比切姆10星期后读到这封信时，出于生意人的冷漠刻板，他最为关心的还是金钱问题，至少私下如此。他在信边上写道：“我可以绝对声明有关生活费问题，我从没有对任何一个孩子吝啬过，相反，我总把为他们尽力，使他们能够得到舒适、幸福、优越的生活看作是一种快乐和特权。”在这刚劲有力的笔触和墨迹中——她多么熟悉他办公室的墨水台——人们可以想到凯丝这么多年来害怕的是什么。 亲爱的父亲： 我必须克服这种害怕给您写信的心情，因为