Chapter 3 Chapter 3 Back to Wellington

The situation described here is a curious mixture of comedy and tragedy, and those readers who are infected with sadness know without explanation that the comedy is only the appearance, and the tragedy is the substance. ——Edmond Gauss ①Foreword September 1907 For Kathlyn, it was a handsome English cricketer who caught her attention during the trip, visiting New Zealand and Australia, nicknamed "Adonis" on board because of his extraordinary beauty. When he got to the tropics, he flirted with her, which she recorded in her diary: so, laughing to myself, I sat down to analyze this new influence, this complicated feeling.Wherever I go, it doesn't take long for me to run into a similar situation.What a musician wants is not just a man or a woman but a sexual diatonic, and R was my new object of experience.The first time I saw him, I was lying on a chair, he walked past, I saw his perfect pace, absolute confidence, physical fitness, I felt a thrill in my heart, this is the eternal life of youth and creation. desire.When I was with him, a strange desire seized me, I wanted him to hurt me badly, I wanted his strong hands to strangle me tightly.. The cricketers erected Practice with a net, and she watched Adonis throw the ball beautifully.On the same night, they sat side by side in the tropical heat, talking in the dangerous language of the French (he spent 8 years in Paris), Adonis "is particularly excitable, sometimes even a little violent. The more a woman has The better the feeling, he told her. Kay felt his sleeve brush against his bare arm. "I wanted to piss him off, to stir up a strange emotion in him, he's seen so much, it's a conquest. "

It's all perfectly normal and healthy, especially the part about the chokehold.The notes went on to talk about Kathlyn's parents, who were worse than she could have imagined, her father's appearance disgusting her, his hands covered with long, sand-colored hair, absolutely cruel hands, a kind of Physical disgust seized me.He said it was a "damn idea" that she was going back to England, and she said "look, he'd never let me hang out with people in dark corners." Attracts both women and men, and her parents were aware of it.The mother was always watching her, "always suspicious and domineering," and as for her father, "I couldn't be alone, or in the presence of women, even for half a second—he had scary eyes there, trying to pretend he didn't care, and the hairy Pulling his long red-gray beard with both hands, bah!"

This is Kathlyn's unflattering comment about her parents.Although spouts of self-confessions can be found in her various notebooks later, she never again disparages her father so much, and finds the journey abhorrent, restricted in her movements, sailing home from another The place she calls "home" is her spiritual home now. Passing Cape Town and the Australian port is the cold Tasman Sea, even in December.One last visit to the luggage room, those West End clothes and huge Edwardian hats bundled up and ready to be shipped ashore.The windy channel, the desolate stone mountain, the small shack in the bay of the island, and then enter the port that bends into a question mark.

①Edmond Gauss (1849～1928), biographer and poet, is his autobiography. ——Annotation ② Adonis, the beautiful boy in Greek mythology, the lover of Aphrodite, the god of love. ——Annotation of the "Evening Post" on December 6, 1906 said that at about 9 o'clock, the Kolinsk sailed into the bay with great style, and the bright sunshine added luster to this voyage from the far north; On the page, Harold Beecham was interviewed and talked about "empire and colonial affairs". He was very confident, why not?He has just met with the king. But what about the mood of the three little girls?What are they doing for fun now?Will they also "meet a lot of nice young people" like their father did when he was 17, bring him sons-in-law, and let them join the business with Leslie?

Almost nothing remains of Colonial-Edwardian Wellington today, as most of the buildings at that time were of timber construction.Young Henry James might have sympathized with us back in the colonies: every gust of wind in the streets whips up great clouds of dust and chaff.London—where is London?But this prosperous city with a population of 60,000 can provide their parents with all the joy.At Customs Wharf, 160 insulators per pole, 160 copper wires humming for trade; on Dinakoli Avenue, homes under construction await the return of "garden party" families; soon They would sign the guest book at the Governor's Mansion and be invited there.

Leslie is still in high school, so there are only sisters in the family.A few weeks later, the jovial and talkative Cherdy wrote to Sylvia Payne describing "what it's really like to live in New Zealand". There is absolutely no art here, and the natural man is dull.Take my advice, dear, don't come and live in the colonies, stay in England, how I wish I could be there too. I'd give everything if I could go back.I can't tell you how miserable it is here, we don't have any friends at all, the girls I used to know are all grown up and married and don't seem to have any interest in us, it's sad, isn't it?

The girls returned to New Zealand speaking with special "accents" and wearing half-veiled veils. They had a "Miss Tea Party" where Kathlyn sang in a fuchsia taffeta dress. Of course there are grander occasions, too. "The English cricketers are all so charming, and what a joy they are in Wellington." Cherdy wrote to Sylvia, describing a ball held in their honour. But they sailed away, leaving a void that no one else could fill. "We've had two happy dances recently," said another, "but I wish the men were British, the colonials are so different." My letter was the sentiment: New Years is here—I dare not imagine—it’s impossible to live here, I don’t know how to live, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t look like I ever will.My dear, I know no one, and no one wants to know me; there's nothing to do, nothing to see, my heart goes to Oxford Circus, and Westminster Bridge haunts In my heart, I felt it would come back, and it was hard to imagine how anyone would want to live here—there were two destructive conflicting forces in Katherine Mansfield's life at this time: love and hatred for her father, and The love and hate of the motherland, they tore her in two, tore her apart, and left a spiritual wound that could never heal.

Many Victorian fathers have left their mark on the representatives of this century's literature, from the period when New Zealand became a British colony, that is, 1840-1907, and the period of Edward VII's life, that is, 1841-1910, which happened to be close, So there is this saying. ——Annotation Butler ① and Gauss can see these traces in the author of "The Waves" ②.There was always a potential figure in the conflict, for Butler and Goss, the Puritan Father in Heaven; for the Colonists and the Irish, their dear country.Catherine Mansfield was only a nominal Anglican, at least not subject to Puritanism, but she did know that its heirs loved wealth; she cursed her father's desire to earn money (she didn't think it A counteraction that accomplishes nothing).Later she was able to write affectionately about him and her own country, but now she sees only the worst in both.

Before the cultural soil began to form in New Zealand, life was obviously not easy for people of literary quality.The country's small size, its late creation, its barren land, and its remoteness from Europe were socio-political positives for new endeavors, but artistically the enemy of hope.In the words of Pound ③, "innovative" writers need tradition to make themselves closely integrated with the past and the future, and immigration cuts off this precious connection.Those who left England around 1840 either willingly abandoned their cultural traditions, as Arthur Beecham did, or they mistakenly believed that they could take root in the new land.This land was devoid of humans when Christ was born, not even mammals.They took the piano off the ship and retuned it in a wooden house full of warm memories of their hometown, but the old tune will never be the same again.Coleridge ④ said in "Table Talk" that it is not the ground under your feet, but the same "language, religion, law, government and blood that make people people of the same country". When Catherine, a double exile, read this sentence in France in 1920, she wrote in the margin: "But the land under my feet makes me a man of this country", because by then she knew that she needed to create a new myth.Consistency of the things Coleridge mentioned can only be helpful if, through generations, creative artists have been recreated in a place in an organic relation to that place.When Christmas is celebrated in the summer and Easter is celebrated in the fall, religious traditions are turned upside down and the human spirit must begin anew.

Life in Wellington in 1907 was not as ordinary as Kathleen described. There were many theater groups and musicians visiting, and some Wagner's music could even be heard.Kathleen also met some excited guests at home, because their parents invited them not to visit. These things are not meaningless, but they come and go, and it is even more sad to see the ship go away. In 1907 a lively monthly called Trinity was published, devoted entirely to art, for which Kathlyn had written a decadent essay entitled "The Death of a Rose." But all this alien cosmopolitanism withered in the colonial sun, and in any case it was not the "decent life" that her father wanted her to enter, which she cursed.She could go to the lectures on "Girls' Duties" at the Governor's Hill, but not the humble new college on a hillside overlooking the city.

The three sisters returned to New Zealand three weeks before Christmas, and for the next few weeks the youngest was too preoccupied with her own affairs to see dear Grandma Dale.The grandmother, now elderly and living in Thornton with another daughter, had mentioned the matter without expressing displeasure.On New Year's Eve, she died suddenly.Kathlyn wrote to Sylvia: "My grandmother passed away on New Years Eve and I too am living in the atmosphere of death. This is the first time I have experienced the death of a loved one. I am terrified. Death has never been like this before. Abominable." ① Butler (1835～1902), British novelist. ——Annotation ② "The Waves", a novel by British writer Virginia Woolf. ——Translation note ③Pound (1885～1972), a famous British modernist poet. ——Annotation ④ Coleridge (1772～1834), British Romantic poet and literary critic. ——Annotation Her mood must have been noticed, and before long several relatives invited Vera and Cherdy to stay at their ranch, from where Cherdy wrote to Sylvia, "I wish dear Kath was there , it is a pity that she was not invited, and I am always reluctant to go anywhere without her." In Kay's notebook can be read four gloomy imitations of Poe's poems, and a "Poe-style" creepy story with moving dark red curtains, blood drops, etc., and she also started Mix in "monotonous, dreadful raindrops," "narrow, damp, dirty houses," etc., and even in the bright sunshine of the Bay of Islands, the blue of the sea is Rossetti's blue, and the green of William? Morris' green.There is no trace of humor in these descriptions, while on the other hand it is possible to read sentences like this: "When New Zealand's further cultural upbringing will produce artists who can express her natural beauty just right, it sounds a little paradoxical." Contradictory, but true." It was perhaps at this time that Mrs. Beecham gave a garden party, which later appears in one of her daughter's most famous works.It said that tents were pitched on the meadow, that the ordered flowers and cream cakes had not yet arrived, that the invited band was about to arrive, and that a young coachman who lived in the row of shabby huts under the road had come from his horse. fell and died.The widow and five fatherless children could be heard crying in pain from the fair.Laura, the different, more sensitive family member, demanded that the garden party be cancelled, and of course she was persuaded to drop this excess of sympathy.The widow had to put up with the sound of the band.But after the guests left, the mother came up with a good idea. She must accommodate her daughter and use the leftovers from the opening party to comfort the unfortunate family.So Laura went there in her lace-trimmed gown and huge hat, with a basket of sandwiches and cream puffs, and when she went in and saw the dead man lying still, embarrassment and sympathy, Feelings of love and condescension overwhelmed her, and to the dead she blurted out, "Excuse my hat." Back at home, only her brother understood her feelings. Kathleen's sister Vera later recalled that there was indeed such a garden party and such an accident described in the story. She also said: "I took the things there!" Those gigantic hats people used to wear back then," she thought so ridiculous that she had to tilt the hat on one side when entering the cabin door.Sixty years have passed, and there is still some displeasure in her tone.She and Kathlyn never got along. The garden party at 75 Dinarcole Avenue may have been in early 1907, when only the girls wore such hats, the weather did not change suddenly, and the Beechams moved out of the house in April. house, perhaps for a farewell garden party in February or March, shortly after Kathlyn experienced her first death.In fact, maybe Kathleen was far less compassionate than Laura that day at the garden party.She was obnoxiously self-absorbed then, so some of her best-known stories later seemed to be a form of atonement for the mistakes of her youth. Apparently she desperately needs a new friendship. This kind of self-inflicted loneliness cannot last forever. The remedy is two love affairs with a girl. This is the first time she has experienced such a thing. Reading Oscar Wilde a direct result of the work. Not long after returning home, she met Marta, an old Maori schoolmate from Swainson's private school. Marta later went to Paris and met her in London.A passionate love affair developed between the two, recorded in Kay's diary and fragments can be found in Marta's. This homosexuality took place in April and may have been combined with another crossover—that is, with Eddie Bendal.Eddie Bendal was a beautiful girl with a simple and gentle personality. ① Rossetti (1828-1882), a British painter and poet, was enthusiastic about organizing literary groups. ——Annotation ②William Morris (1834～1896) British poet, artist and social activist. ——Annotation is not as pretentious as Kathlyn.She had just returned from an art school in Sydney, and Kathlyn thought her drawings would be just right for her children's poems, and suggested that they make a book together, so they often met on Saturday afternoons, and Kath would talk about "Caesar," or Eddie tried his best to be a "good influence" against his own hateful family. This friendship also developed into a passionate romance, and Kathlyn's parents felt the fear of being on the boat again, but they also had other distractions. In mid-April, a weekly newspaper called The Freelancer carried the news on the headlines of the local news. Mr. Harold Beecham, Advance Trading Manager of WM Platinum & Company, was elected as President of the Bank of New Zealand Board..He is a model businessman, suave, well-dressed, quick-witted, always aware of timing and handling of affairs..so better than Chelm was an authority figure in the business world of the developing colony, and he must have known in advance that the election was coming, so he planned to move to a better residence.The new house is in a good location this time, there are no run-down houses nearby, but there is a croquet court and a large garden, and like all the houses in the neighbourhood, it is made of wood with a stone-looking front and a magnificent colonnaded porch .Catherine Mansfield's letters and diaries always refer to it as "Number 47". Immediately after the move was over, Mrs. Beecham invited people to a "housewarming party," not forgetting to ask the Freelancer to send a reporter.The reporter's column lost no time in reporting lovely autumn chrysanthemums in bloom and pots of palms, Mrs Beecham in a black poplin gown trimmed with ivory lace and a stunning black feather hat, and Kay Miss Shireen wore a gown of fire red striped silk and ecru lace. Sylvia Payne knew all this from Chedi, "We have a lovely ballroom, which is also used for music, of course. The acoustics are fantastic, Kath played the cello so well tonight, I wish you were here listening to dear old friend, I don't want to feel like she's upset here, it's not a terrible state of mind to be in at such a young age ?" Kath has a room of her own upstairs, where she now keeps some postcards she bought from the Louvre in Paris, photos of "Cather" and her college friends.When she got back there after breakfast, her bed had been made, she opened a notebook and voiced her hatred for herself.She wrote to "Caesar", signed "Kathy? become someone else. When she came downstairs again she was darling again, dear little darling, snubbing the captains of the steamships her father invited to dinner and the people who were staying with them when they came from the interior for the synod.There is a passage in the diary that says "Although there is no God, God will always be the most important concept known to people--evolution--God in the end, isn't it?" Not a trace of humor in sight.The secretary in her father's office often helped Kathleen type, saying that she "never saw her smile" and her voice was low and monotonous, "lack of ups and downs and anger". In early June, Kathleen went to Days Bay and lived with Eddie in the holiday cottage that Beecham built for her daughters when they were still in London. Living room, a storage room, a bathroom for bathing and stacking firewood, drinking rainwater here, cooking with a wood stove or gasoline stove, and hearing the sound of waves beating against rocks when a hurricane blows. A long entry in the diary dated June 1 describes what just happened between the two girls, Kathlyn and Eddie: "Last night I spent in her arms—tonight I hated her—that is, Said I loved her: I lay in my own bed thinking of the beauty of her body . . . and I felt more sexually aroused with her than with any man.” She has now given up on the handsome cricketer— — Adonis — "if I dared to search the depths of myself — but a form, now with her, leaning on her, holding her hands, her face against mine, I am A child, a woman, half a man." A nightmare ensues, painted with Baudelaireian imagery of shame and guilt; ending with Kath lying on Eddie's chest, getting Soothing ends with, "I wish this darkness would last forever." There is a sense of beauty in the description of love, and the feelings are undoubtedly sincere enough at the time, but it is obvious that part of Kathleen's thinking can still stand on the sidelines and feel that this is A kind of "plagiarism", even in love, it seems that her narrative is only imitating her favorite author.Eddie once said that Kath could "use" people without giving a shit, and she knew she had been used, "she was a typical Beecham". Only three weeks later, the generous Eddie was abandoned, "I think this is just an emotionally fragile relationship, and it's better to end." Kathleen wrote in her diary: "And she won't Let me achieve something big." Kathlyn then asks herself if other girls her age have had the same desire (her thoughts now turn to Marta, not Eddie), and if they, like her, feel "such an absolutely intense slutty, almost carnal sick?" Alone in this tick-tocking room, I started to feel strongly that I wanted Marta—I wanted to possess her—very much, I know it was dirty, but it was true, how unusual— —I had a raw raw feeling—almost completely smitten with this girl, I thought it was over—hey, ho! ! !My heart is like a Russian novel. This is the first time Kay mentions in her diary that she is familiar with Russian writers.When she was in Wellington, she was able to borrow books from the Parliamentary Library, borrowing biographies and many poems of countless artists and poets, including Browning, Yeats, Ibsen, Maeterlinck, etc., as well as Nietzsche's "Sunrise". , Heine's "Collection of Thoughts" and Laura Malholm's "Women's Psychology", but there are no Russian books, although the library has a REC translation of Chekhov's "Black Clothes and Other Stories", Kathlyn may have read the book, but hadn't checked it out because she used the Capitol club-like reading room a lot. One book that really influenced both her writing and what she did was that of Mary Beshkokiefe, a passionate and ambitious young female artist who was too late to realize her talents. Died of pneumonia She was born in a Russian noble family, her parents separated when she was young.Mary Beshkokief lived with her mother in various sanatoriums in Europe. At that time, her first wish was to become a singer. When she was 18, her throat broke, and she fell in love with painting. Before her death at the age of 25, some of her paintings won acclaim and were regarded as works of genius, and they were once famous in France.She told her inner world to her heart's content, wrote 10 diaries in total, selected them into two volumes according to her mother's wishes, and revised them to make them more in line with readers' ideals.Published three years after her death, it had a large readership in France and England and became the object of a cult.Claystone was deeply influenced by it, and Stephen Leacock satirized it in his Memoirs of Mrs. Massino. ① Baudelaire (1821～1867), a famous French poet, represented as "The Flower of Evil". ——Annotation ①Yeats (1865～1939), Irish poet, dramatist and critic. ——Annotation ②Mary Beshkokief (1860~1884), Russian artist. ——Translation note ③Claystone (1854～1930), British politician, served as Home Secretary from 1905 to 1910. ——Annotation ④ Stephen Lee Kirk (1869~1944), Canadian economist and humorist. ——Annotation Anyone who compares the lives of these two young egoists can easily conclude that Kathryn saw her own nature and characteristics in this Russian girl and began to "equate herself" Her perilous journey, even imitating her hair style. Marie's diary, mostly in French but also in Russian and Italian, contains many daydreams but also many real ones, when she writes of her New Year's Eve "anxiety in front of the mirror waiting to know my fate," we almost think we see Kathleen's face, and a passage like the following is typical of both writers: noisy Paris.The hotel is the size of a city and there are people walking around, talking, laughing, smoking, watching, and it makes me dizzy.I wish the pace of life was quicker, quicker, quicker.. I do fear that this desire to live in a fiery atmosphere is a harbinger of a short life. The desire for self-expression led Kathleen to try writing short stories—not the episodic stories that were so popular in magazines at the time, but stories with a more personal component in their form. Beecham's secretary, who was typing for her in her office, apparently found the stories "a little morbid," for Kay promised in one letter that more cheerful poems would be written soon—"but honestly I prefer Something else—a sense of tragic pessimism in youth—do you understand—is as inevitable as the measles!" No matter what happened in London when the Trouville brothers returned from Brussels, she still wanted to believe that she loved Arnold.A draft of a letter to him, which was later included, began: "Sunday. Darling, though I have not seen you, I know I am yours—every thought, every emotion of mine It's all yours.. to me, you're man, lover, artist, husband, friend..etc." Arnold's parents were still in Wellington at this time, and Kay played chamber music with Trowell, and one of the references to him deliberately refers to him as "my father".As long as they were there she could bear it, but they were leaving in September to find a home for their sons in London. At the end of August, after trio practice in the music room, Kay talked to Mr. Trowell about "marriage and music" and what a musician's wife should do for him. Trowell was clearly suspicious.Coincidentally, I received a letter from Ada the next day, talking about people's rumors that Arnold lived a bohemian life in Brussels. Kathleen believed this and immediately moved seriously. Gas, this can be seen from it.It is worth noting Ada's role in this matter.For a while, Arnold wasn't mentioned anymore.Kathlyn soon wrote a story showing her breakup with him. Printing the stories was part of a plan that prompted Beecham to let her return to London, but she didn't know where to send them, and he did.The previous summer, when the English cricketers had come to play, he had sat next to Tom Mills, a Corriere della Sera reporter who covered the match (Kathlyn was probably in the gazebo too, admiring the "Adonis" pitching). “Mills, I have a daughter who thinks she can write.” — Mills recalled in an article later published in the magazine. “What does the father think?” Mills asked. "Oh, I don't know anything about stories or readers." Could Mills read her and make some candid comments?Of course he would—"As long as she doesn't stuff me with a bunch of junk." Kathlyn had prepared some short essays, which she called essays, and some children's poems, and she met Mills in a tearoom, and he suggested that she send them to Harper's magazine (the magazine rejected them), the essays To a new monthly in Melbourne called Friends of the Place, which, in Mills' words, "is a publication that accepts sex stories."Obviously this was a very sarcastic conversation. Editor-in-chief EJ Brady liked the essays and accepted three of them right away, but he suspected that the sex writer who wanted to use a pseudonym was his New Zealand contributor Frank Morton, and perhaps he wanted to reach out.When asked if she is Frank Morton incognito, she assures him that she has never plagiarized, that she hates plagiarism, and that she herself is "poor, unknown, only 18 years old, and has a penchant for anyone with a wallet like my own." There is a passion for anything light or principle." Possibly these words deepened Brady's suspicions, but he unexpectedly sent her a check for £2, which she had acquired over the years. Maximum remuneration.He told the young lady that being mistaken for Frank Morton was actually the best possible compliment.He continued to keep in touch with her, and of course she immediately showed the check to her father, who reacted naturally in the manner of a respectable father. On Oct. 10, he dictated a letter in his office without Kathleen telling the guy in Melbourne that his daughter had shown him the letter and that he wanted to thank Brady for his “substantial encouragement.” ’, while he also wanted to assure Brady that she didn’t have to “hesitantly accept what she wrote as something that wasn’t unique to her,” that she herself was a “very unique person” who wrote, regardless of Whether good or bad, of course, is entirely her own, and as to age, she says "quite right", she went to a college in London, but then left school and returned to New Zealand. "She's been reading a lot and has a great memory. Oh, by the way, it's best not to tell her I wrote you about her." Kath wrote another letter the next day, reminding Brady that she only wanted to be signed "K. Mansfield" or "KM" and never "KM Beecham".That's how she started using a pseudonym, dropping her father's last name just before her 19th birthday. The three essays published in the October issue of "Friends of the Place" are, in one sentence, "full of perverted charm."A misty night scene depicts Kay brooding at the window, with London "stretched before her eager expectant hands".Another picture with a window sill as the background describes a daydream scene, in which Mr. Musician, carrying a lamp and a violin case, comes out of the village cafe, "softly blowing the chords of Bruch's Concerto in D minor. The first few verses."The third, of intimacy between girls in London, gives us a glimpse of the author's burning desire for fame, but ends with an ironic resignation, her only form of humor:" We talked about fame, how much we wanted it, and how hard it was, what did the two of us want to do? .. today on the other side of the world, I'm going through the ordeal, and she? No doubt in 2 Bought myself a hat at the big sale in June.” These are all signed “K. Mansfield,” as is another story in the next issue called “In the Cafe,” but this one is not Described in a decadent mood, it is the embryo of Mansfield's short stories, using a self-deprecating style, and the meaning is clear at a glance in just a few thousand words.The unnamed girl in the story has an expression "wistful and disillusioned at the same time," and is very much Katherine Mansfield herself.When she met a certain musician friend on Bond Street for lunch, he lazily combed his hair with snow-white hands, and declared that "the widest and richest life belongs only to the artist"-this was later Mansfield's pure creed, but that calls for irony—then jokingly mentions a serving of red raisin jelly.They talked of getting married, and he asked if she would keep her violets, "That's yours," she replied affectionately (the balance between affection and irony here). ①Bruch (1838～1920), German composer, famous for his violin concerto. ——Annotation Heng is similar to "Happiness" ①, which also uses inappropriate food descriptions to laugh at love).At this moment, his classmate came to ask him to go to rehearsal together, and the two walked out on the cold street, her lover's hands in his pockets, and her violets thrown on the sidewalk.She was still thinking about the proposal she had almost made, and after looking carefully for a few minutes, she kicked the flower into the gutter and walked down the street, laughing. "In the Café" ends with a description of the gutter, the final emotion is futile and the irony ineffective, but the writer knows how to use her mimetic talent to extend it to her comic self more than anything she's ever done There are techniques, and the ending has a certain form.Her mentor, Walter Lippmann, had made her realize what she needed.She also expressed this awareness in a letter she wrote to Vera from Sydney.She denounced her countrymen and "their intransigence," telling her sister (who was by no means the sort to say that) that what the colonists needed was "a wild wave of Pre-Raphaelites and Ultra-aesthetics. ” so that they can gain some “balance and coordination”. She brazenly declared, "We want a few people to gather, sit on a street corner, in a shop, in a room, and discuss line, form, and atmosphere over tea," and these three words: line, form, and atmosphere appear in It is used here to imply the emergence of a new aesthetic that is somewhat related to a new type of art, but this statement is a bit too much and inappropriate.接着信中又抛出了一连串乱七八糟的必读作家的姓名，这肯定使当时正在悉尼忙着参加各种社交狂欢的维拉迷惑不解。这些作家有：门德斯②、梅瑞狄斯③、梅特林克④、罗斯金⑤、罗登巴赫⑥，萧伯纳、惠特曼⑦、托尔斯泰、卡彭特⑧、兰姆⑨、赫兹里特⑩霍桑（11）和勃朗蒂姐妹。新西兰人最好读读所有这些作家，哪怕凯丝自己没有读过他们。 凯什琳成为能发表作品获取稿酬的作家是在她19岁生日前一两个星期，趁此机会彻迪在1907年10月14日给西尔雏亚?佩恩写了一封信，告诉了她更多的消息。她先描写了凯丝收到的所有的生日礼物（绿宝石耳环，胸针等等），然后写道：为了让你更了解凯什琳，我寄给你一份澳大利亚杂志《地方之友》，上面刊载了她许多作品，编辑给她写过几封愉快的回信..太美妙了！我简直难以形容自己感到多么高兴和骄傲..圣诞节后凯什琳又要回到伦敦去，我简直不敢去想。但我知道她必须走，这是唯一适合她的事情，我感到，她去后很快就会使我们大家重新聚会在一起，噢，亲爱的，那会多么令人快乐高①《幸福》，凯瑟琳?曼斯菲尔德的短篇小说。——译注①先拉菲尔派，19世纪中期文学艺术家的团体，强调艺术灵感先于纯粹技巧。唯美派，19世纪后期文学派别，强调“为艺术而艺术”，王尔德为其主要代表之一。——译注②门德斯（1841～1909），法国作家。——译注③梅瑞狄斯（1828～1909），英国小说家，诗人。——译注④梅特林克（1862～1949），比利时诗人、剧作家。——译注⑤罗斯金（1819～1900），英国艺术评论家，社会理论家。——译注⑥罗登巴赫（1855～1898），比利时诗人，小说家，代表作有诗集《与世隔绝》等。——译注⑦惠特曼（1819～1892），美国杰出诗人。——译注⑧卡彭特（1844～1929），英国诗人，社会改革家。——译注⑨兰姆（1775～1834），英国散文作家。——译注⑩赫兹里特（1778～1830），英国散文作家，文学评论家。——译注（11）霍桑（1804～1864），美国浪漫主义小说家。——译注兴埃这就是家，这就是彻迪。此时凯什琳刚满19岁，在需要陪伴的时代，他们竟同意让她一人去伦敦。一星期后，凯什琳在她自己楼上的房间里，在那本黑封面的笔记本中写道：该死的家！天哪，他们多么乏味，我从心底里讨厌他们，我绝不会再在这儿呆多久了，谢天谢地。甚至当我独自呆在房间时，他们也在外面大声嚷嚷，谈论着肉铺送来的货和肮脏的床单，我真感到..这种糟透了的生活。 不久哈罗就安排他令人伤脑筋的女儿出去呆几个星期，他让她同一些朋友（他并不真正认识他们）乘大篷车远征新西兰北岛的中部大山地区，穿过所有凹凸不平的山地。远征队中有一人是凯什琳在惠灵顿的朋友米丽?帕克，大概是她钢琴教师的女儿。 不知道比切姆是否读过她那本《认真的重要性》①，读到“任何人在乡村都能学好”，也许他不过是希望如果她多看一下他自己从小就熟悉的新西兰，就能够安下心来。但是比切姆的女儿现在完全是城市的产物，她甚至要询问她的旅伴如何削土豆，说话还带着英国皇家学院的腔调。 她同惠灵顿的伙伴一起乘火车到内皮尔②去加入其他人的队伍，中写道：“乘火车旅行对我有一种难以形容的吸引力。我探身窗外，风拂面而来，令人感到十分亲切，埋藏在城市生活重重叠叠伪装下的孩子气的欣喜挣脱了束缚，在我心中荡漾。”任何地方的火车窗口都使凯什琳想要写作。 远征队从内皮尔乘坐一辆大篷车出发，拖着一辆马车运送行李，还有一个大帐篷，5匹马——它们那么可爱，凯什琳在给母亲的信中写道：“昨晚它们在帐篷外差点把我的脑袋都啃了下来。” 他们在一个山谷宿营，此处后来成为《店中的女人》③的背景（他们在那儿遇见的一个女人是此故事中的原型），凯什琳写信告诉母亲，她十分喜欢所有的人，“他们是道地的殖民地居民”，但是非常和蔼可亲，“对我好极了”。她的伙伴威伯太太对凯的俯就态度并不介意，后来亲切地形容凯什琳是“一个快乐的胖乎乎的女孩子，聪明活泼的好伙伴”。 中的笔记摘要有些过分夸张，但却生动地描绘了火山爆发毁坏的土地，使人们感到此时凯开始同这个国家产生了某种联系，这对她今后的艺术创作非常重要。 “山上遍布烧焦的木头，看上去极像奇形怪状的野兽：打哈欠的鳄鱼，无头的马，巨大的鹅，看门狗——白天可以一笑置之，晚上却不啻于一场恶梦；这儿那儿一队队瘦骨鳞峋的士兵正在爬上山岗。” 她喜爱当地的灌木，新西兰的南蒲苇也令人耳目一新，“我的脚下铺着一层白色的野花——小树上点缀着鲜红色，一团团小花在风中摇动，活像一群小姐妹正在晾干自己的头发。”她给母亲写了一封长信，唠唠叨叨地描述①《认真的重要性》，王尔德的剧作之一。——译注②内皮尔，新西兰北部地名。——译注③《店中的女人》，凯瑟琳所写的一篇故事。——译注了刚到玛鲁卡区①那天的情景，但在笔记中则概括如下：星期一玛鲁卡和牧羊山区——非常陡峭贫瘠，但时时可见河流和椰树以及布满灌木丛的深谷，天气炎热——我们累了，晚上到达帕赫，由伯德利提供住宿，他有14个女儿栽种梨树。我们在山顶上宿营，四周都是大山，晚间在灌木丛中散步，走到一条美丽的点缀着雏菊的小溪边，——有蕨类植物，还看见牧羊人的小屋，有气味和声音，看见12个毛利人——他们的马在嘶叫——房子里在做饭，毛利式烹调，从那儿发信——会见毛利人。 在乌尔维拉山区②，他们停留在毛利人村庄里，据威伯太太回忆说，有些毛利人从没见过这种阵势，问他们是不是马戏团的，回答说是的（可以猜到是谁说的），于是村里其他人也一起来等待表演。后来维吉尼亚?吴尔夫莫名其妙地断言凯瑟琳曾随“马戏团在苏格兰荒野”冒险，也许就是据此猜测的。碰到白人时，凯什琳总是不喜欢他们——除非是来访的英国客人，有一些文化修养，说话声音悦耳，“我讨厌透了三流货色，要么就是毛利人，要么就是旅游者，但不要居于两者之间的东西。” 实际上，凯什琳不知道自己有血亲在乌尔维拉山区，是毛利人，名字也叫比切姆——有些人说不定就在那些失望的马戏团观众之中。 离开乌拉维尔山区后，远征队继续前行，顺路在温泉区停留，那儿的“彩虹山”五彩缤纷，恐怖的地狱裂口时而可见。 我们经过一个碧绿的湖泊——四周梨花盛开，空气中弥漫着硫磺味和蒸气..我们去看泥火山——走上泥泞的绿色台阶，向里窥望，火山盆内凹凸不平，布满了一团团颜色难看的岩浆，就像地球上一块化脓的创口。那下面有个小水潭，覆盖着一层石油，起着黑色的涟漪。开始下雨了，她感到厌恶和恼怒。 在笔记中，凯什琳常常拿不定主意应该写“我”还是“她”，在国内旅行时，她也不能肯定自己是否属于这个国家。比切姆的希望落了空，这个国家野性的美并没有使凯什琳小姐更喜欢她的白种居民。毛利人反而有让她欣赏、喜欢之处：他们使她想起了欧洲，那儿的人民有自己的根。在白人同胞中，她感觉不到什么能够激励自己的雄心，也没有传统的根基土壤。她后来在一首诗（按华特?惠特曼的方式写成）中抱怨道：一个无自己历史的小岛国有碍于创造性才能的发展。“我们度过了一个安静的圣诞夜，因为天气太热，大部分人都不在家，”1908年1月10日彻迪写给西尔维亚的信中说：“凯什琳乘大篷车在边远地区旅行了一个月，刚回到家中，她过得非常快活有趣，晒得很黑，看上去那样健康，4月时见到她不要感到惊奇，那时她很可能会在伦敦。” “我最后——当然——要结束自己的生命”，2月日记中的一则这样说；另一则日期不明的日记，似乎是在岛湾别墅时的某个晚上等待幽会时随手涂写的，表面看来有一种不祥的等待宰割的意味，似乎写的是第一次同男人发①玛鲁卡区，新西兰北部山区。——译注②乌尔维拉山区，新西兰北部地名。——译注生性关系的体验——“我生活中的危机时刻”：夜晚，我在等待着这平生第一回，这生活中的危机时刻，我等待着。一群羊在月光下经过街道，我听见他们啪啪地挥着皮鞭——后面是黑呼呼，沉重的火车——我觉得它像拖灵柩的火车——我在这献祭似的月光下看上去很可爱，心中没有恐惧——只有感觉。我析求上帝不要让我等得太久，我的灵魂感到饥渴，就像我的肉体一样，一整天都热切地渴望着他——快来吧——我觉得每一刻都是极端危险的——但是我会全心全意爱这个人——我根本就不在乎那另一个——终于来了——我上床了。 “我用自己的生命换来了成就，”中写道，“我还不如死了更好——真的。”然后又说，“我与众不同，因为我体验过一切能体验的事情。” 什么是“一切”呢？她隐晦地提到王尔德以及他对她的影响：“当然，奥斯卡——陶连?格雷使这次的危机感过去了”；5月，“我比过去任何时候都糟糕，疯狂恐怕就是这样开始的，”等等。“噢，凯什琳，不要再编织这许多可怕的罗网——你太不聪明——学好吧——为了上帝的缘故——学好吧——勇敢点，多说些真话..”此时，凯什琳正竭力想抑制自己对玛塔的欲望，她认为这是“肮脏的”。 3月4日，在岛湾的别墅里，凯什琳开始给西尔维亚?佩恩写情书（“我必须告诉你，今晚，西尔维亚，我爱你，比我在英格兰时更爱你”），说她不久就将启程去英格兰，“我不能同父亲一起生活，我必须回去，因为我知道自己会成功——这是美妙青春的悲剧性的乐观精神。”甚至报纸也知道将要发生什么事情，“比切姆小姐这个月将前往英格兰，她将在那里学习文但是4月她没有走成，发生了一件什么事情，使父母亲犹豫不决。凯什琳在写给埃达的信中提及此事，说她参加了一个舞会，同“一个水手”坐在一起，有一曲没跳，接着是一次冒险，她后来在一些零散的纸张上描述了这次冒险，这些纸张随便放在房间里，起风了，母亲进来关窗户，拾起散落的纸张，看了再也放不下去。不难想象比切姆太太读了以后心中渐渐增长的恐惧，还有她丈夫回来后感到的恐惧，接着就是一次可怕的盘问。 难道“水手”只是为了埃达而特意捏造出来的吗？那些纸张上描述的是她同一个男人还是同玛塔？使父母焦急不安的是女儿的贞洁还是“堕落”这个丑恶的字眼？难怪凯什琳5月还留在惠灵顿，尽管早已对公众宣布了启程日期。 正在此时，她读了一本伊丽莎白?罗宾斯①写的女权主义的书，名为《来发现我》，于是她在笔记本中少有地发了一通感慨，谈到在男人创造的世界中妇女的地位这个问题。 真是一本聪明的了不起的书，它使我产生那样一种力量感，现在我的确隐约意识到妇女将来能做些什么。她们迄今为止从未得到过机会，说什么我们这个开明的时代和人权解放的国家——一派胡言乱语！我们被自己铸造的奴役锁链牢牢束缚着。是的，现在我知道锁链是自己铸造的，也必须由自己来解除。 ①伊丽莎白?罗宾斯（1862～1952），美国女作家。——译注奥斯卡?王尔德对她已失去了一些吸引力，她现在正在读托尔斯泰和易卜生，萧伯纳和邓南遮①。 我的需要概括起来就是权力、财富和自由。认为爱情是世上唯一的东西是一种枯燥乏味的观念，一代接一代地灌输给妇女，残酷地束缚着我们，我们必须摆脱这个怪念头——然后才能得到幸福和自由的机会。 然而，目前在她父亲统治的这个小天地里，自由只能来自他的赐予，最后她的确得到了自由，公平地说，这应该归功于他。他不愿解释，凯什琳也几乎没有意识到自己欠了父亲多少情份。童年时他给了她乡间的居所，而一个大家庭提供的益处才使她能继续后来的事业，他让她在伦敦接受教育，是为了迎合她的需要，而不是他自己的需要。如果说他毁了她的“音乐生涯”，至少他也使凯避免了把时光白白浪费在这方面。是他最初帮助她找一个编辑发表那些故事；当作者的身份受到猜疑时，是他首先为其辩护。他在关键时刻让她去边远地区和丛林地带旅行，如果没有这次旅行，她对新西兰的知识就会非常有限。无论如何，其他孩子不能去英格兰上学。 他现在决定——尽管以一种使她非常气愤的方式——让凯什琳回到伦敦，每年给她100英镑生活费。他试图安排让她同自己的表亲亨利?比切姆住在一起，后者在伦敦音乐学院教书，凯姐妹们在学院读书时，他曾做过她们的监护人。但是亨利慎重地向他推荐了在帕丁顿①的一家专为音乐学生开设的寄宿舍，这宿舍恰好叫作比切姆公寓——真是走到哪儿都躲不开这个姓。 6月底举行了一连串的告别晚会，在奥罗拉园地，古典文学教授的妻子布朗太太举办了一个“紫罗兰茶会”，据《晨报》报道，“主人尽天才的艺术想象之所能，使紫罗兰无处不在。”茶桌上的灯有紫罗兰色的灯罩，上面挂着尚未当令的紫罗兰结成的花饰，桌上的银碟子内放着裹了糖屑的紫罗兰，还有精巧的紫罗兰三明治招待客人。举行了一个小小的比赛，女孩们用紫罗兰色铅笔写“一首有关紫罗兰的诗”，取胜者是凯什琳?比切姆小姐，她的作品标题为《爱情为什么是盲目的》。第二名是凯什琳从前的教师，总穿紫色花呢衣服的巴茨小姐。接着又举行了最后一次晚会。 7月4日的《晚邮报》女士版上，“普列西拉”写道：“我亲爱的凯丝”（普列西拉的专栏总是这样令人吃惊地开头），“..在各种各样为凯什琳?比切姆小姐举行的告别晚会中——她今天启程去英格兰——最令人愉快的是在奥拉宅第举办的午后茶会。” 奥拉宅第坐落在弟纳柯里大道上，是总理约瑟夫?瓦德爵士的大房子，晚会由瓦德夫人举办。普列西拉说，美丽的会客室气氛欢快明亮，灯光柔和，炉火融融，房中摆满了鲜花和绿叶植物，茶桌陈设诱人，一盏低垂的红罩吊灯照着茶桌。瓦德夫人身着极为醒目的黑丝绸外衣，饰有白色花边的精致衬衣外罩一件背心；主客自己则穿一件“订做的黑色镶布花呢衣服，头戴奇形怪状，大朵紫色菊花镶边的帽子。” ①邓南遮（1863～1938），意大利诗人，作家，记者。16岁就出版第一部诗集，小说以《死的胜利》最为著名。——译注①帕丁顿，伦敦一地名。——译注有段时候算命人很受欢迎，别人送给凯什琳?比切姆小姐一本乱七八糟画着猪的素描汇编做纪念，带来了不少乐趣。所有的画上都有艺术家签名，因此，这本画册具有双倍的价值。画得最好的猪还获了奖。 比切姆给凯什琳的临别赠物也是一只猪，是用来擦笔尖的铜猪，背上还有鬃毛，过去曾摆在比切姆的书桌上，她非常喜欢，直到去世前都保留着，又在遗嘱中把它还给了父亲。 凯什琳乘坐的轮船将于下一个星期一，7月6日从位于南岛的港口利特尔顿启航。她几乎不能独自去那儿，因此星期六晚上哈罗德和安妮带着他们的女儿——拿着那本猪的素描汇编——乘船前往利特尔顿。启航的时间是下午4点30分，那天一直下着倾盆大雨。他们在城里吃过午饭，然后乘火车通过隧道。 同船长TS惠斯顿在他的舱房内会面：“比切姆，让这孩子离开老家，是吗？这次航行船上都是男人，只有两个妇女，我们会照顾她，对吗？再来杯威士忌？喝点茶，比切姆太太？”后来惠斯顿船长不无懊悔地回忆起这位有名的乘客，用的是他一贯简短的说话方式：“不能忍受这个女人。” 雨敲打着救生艇、排风装置和码头的小棚屋；海鸥飞扑着啄食面包屑；两个心情沮丧的人最后渐渐隐入雨中，终于转身离去。 《往事与追忆》记述了这次悲伤的别离：“在新西兰呆了个月后，她央求让她去伦敦，相信自己能够在文学界取得成功。 她已经完成的作品无疑表明她有发展前途，没有什么能妨碍她发挥自己的才能。因此，1908年7月，她从利特尔顿乘船去了伦敦。 "