Chapter 2 Chapter 2 The Royal Academy London

For Catherine's generation, decadent artists were the gateway to a life of imagination. —John Middleton Murray 1933 The Royal College, situated in Harley Street, was the first university in England to be opened for women's higher education, and although other colleges were established soon after, it still occupies an important place in the history of women's education.What is at stake here is the part it played in the life of a woman who later wrote the story called The Governess and a series of novels about young women traveling alone, so that a historical Fan browse. A young lady born in the Victorian middle class, neither smart, beautiful, nor rich, unmarried, faced with only one elegant way of enslavement: to become a so-called "governor", and there was no other way can go.The only proper occupation for women at that time was marriage, and yet in England women far outnumbered men, and children were often left unattended while parents cared for their own pleasure, and governesses were "a special victim of Victorian society": the lady almost Totally incompetent for the job and only hired because "no one wanted it".Someone had tried to save her—men, of course, because only they could—and Eileen Kyle described it in her history of the Royal Academy.

In order to change this situation, one night in 1844, the "nobles and gentlemen" headed by the Duke of Cambridge held a dinner party in a London restaurant. They invited a young famous novelist, 32-year-old Charles Dickens, to speak as a guest. Urge them.It was Dickens who told these people that "knowledge" had no place in society, that governesses were paid less than cooks, butlers, maids, and livery men, and that it was urgent to "free the nation from blame," Those present are patrons of a governess charity with spacious venues in Harley Street. Four years later, as part of this institutional program, the Royal Academy was founded there.In the same tasteful and beautiful houses which had been the "home" of many a poor governess, there was still a lively atmosphere.The College was founded in 1848, the year of the European Revolution, the year Arthur Beecham left Hornsey Street for the Colonies.

The Royal Academy, therefore, was never a specialist school in many senses, but represented an overhaul that meant that young women could receive a college education, if not in name, at least in practice, and this This power has been out of their reach in the past.When the first two students met in the drawing room, they didn't even know whether to take off their hats, but the wife in charge - never called her "headmaster" - told them they should.When the two professors start lecturing, they are quickly hooked.The two professors were FD Morris, a Christian Socialist, and Charles Kingsley, a priest novelist, author of The Water Children.Morris quite boldly declared that the purpose of the college was to make students "understand principles", and Kingsley immediately began to encourage them to read all kinds of English literature, including modern works.In fact, both of them were related to the Chartism movement at that time. Kingsley retired soon due to political pressure, but what the emerging college can be proud of in the end is that it has cultivated a group of outstanding students, not only the famous Girls' school principals such as Miss Bass and Miss Piccolo (such as a machismo ① Harley Street, the name of a street in London, - Annotation ① FD Morris (1805~1972), British theologian, social reformer. ——Annotation ①Chart Movement: The British working-class movement from 1838 to 1848 had an impact on British critical realism literature.——Annotation Ballad said that they were "indifferent to Cupid's arrow"), and Gertrude? Bell, the Lawrence of Arabia among women, and Sophie Jesse Black, who had helped to bring women into medicine, were the four students, along with "Katherine Mansfield," the most famous of the college's graduates. figure.

The Royal Academy has always employed male professors out of necessity. In 1903, several interesting characters among the professors did not see students as future tutors, nor did they choose them for social reasons.The enthusiastic JA Kramm (who had an affair with Autrin Morell while teaching here) lectures on modern history, whose "Germany and England" foresees the war that followed; Riffin, a friend of Browning's, lectured on English literature; HG Wells's young friend Gregory "Ragged," the future astronomer (son of the shoemaker's son of Clifton College), taught Astronomy, people think he speaks earthy; Walter Lippmann taught German, he is charming, and has a reputation as an innovator in language teaching. He also put Ibsen, Oscar Wilde, Paul Valle Li and Richard.Demel⑦ and others' works were introduced to the students, probably from him Catherine knew that literature must have a "form".

How did Hal and Anne Beecham choose this college for their daughters?This is easy to explain: Anne's cousin, Frank Payne, was a doctor; Daughters, after careful investigation, they were sent to the Royal Academy, so that the three girls from the colony could meet with their cousins ​​Evelyn and Sylvia Payne in a school that was not chosen at random. Besides, their previous headmaster was a cousin of Charles Kingsley. Once at school they met Miss Camilla Claudius, the lady in charge, a pretty woman with a good sense of humor who had dealt with wolves in the Crimea and who had been F.D. Morris students and believers, which means that she has no time to take care of "little cleverness".Miss Clodyce wore a dainty lace hat like Grandma Dale, but Evelyn Payne never found her stuffy.If Claudius knows of a "love affair" incident at school, she always plays it lightly (a girl who has a crush on someone is called "DV" and the word comes from her own frequent love affair. niece's initials), and she was never cynical except in private.She always invited students to her country house, where a glowing entry in the guest book indicated that Kathleen had been invited at least once.

Regular students usually take 4 years of integrated courses, but older "non-integrated" women can also take a set of elective courses, which makes it more like a university than a secondary school, students do not wear uniforms, and there is a dormitory nearby for The student residence, whose family is outside the city, is managed by Miss Clara Fanida Wood, a tall, thin woman with a high bun, whose head is always swinging, and the bun is also shaking. I always wear purple or lilac clothes when I go to the opera, and I like to use purple ink when writing. ② TD Lawrence (1888～1935) archaeologist, writer, once archaeological in the Middle East, is a legendary figure. ——Annotation ③Autrin Morel (1873~1938), the wife of Philip Morel, a member of the British House of Commons at the time, was a patron of literary artists.

—— Annotation ④ Browning (1812～1889), a famous British poet. ——Annotation ⑤ HG Wells (1866~1946), British novelist, social reformist. ——Annotation ⑥ Clifton College, one of the colleges of Oxford University. ——Translation Note⑦Richard Demel (1863～1920), a German poet, whose works were deeply influenced by Nietzsche. ——Annotation ①FwA Frobel (1782～1852), a German educator, whose educational method aims to help children develop naturally. —Annotation day students—children of rich West Enders like the Payne sisters—set the style for the place, and after school every day, “Woody” appeared like a ghost in front of the students assigned to her, Take them to your own inconspicuous territory next door.But her management wasn't bad either, and they sewed and listened to her read aloud in the evening after their homework was done.The two of them marched up the hill on Saturday, and wrote home on Sunday, so that Sunday made such an indelible impression on Catherine Mansfield that it has since been her letter-writing day. "Woody" did know Kath Beecham, and a thick black notebook she gave Kath as a parting gift in 1906 is one source.If she had read what was written in it, her bun would have fallen apart.

Kathlyn's reaction to the Royal Academy is entirely personal, and the school's founder, FD Morris, must have been taken aback by his portrait overlooking Kathlyn studying in the college's library.History bored her, though Crum herself didn't; as for English literature, Hall Griffin found her a "disappointment" (but the feeling was twofold), and she enjoyed German as well as Diligent, but only for personal reasons, she was enamored, or more than enamored, of Walter Lippmann, a very courteous man. By pure chance, her most important engagement at the Royal Academy began in April 1903.On the first day at school, after speaking with Miss Cloudes, it was necessary to find someone to show the Beecham sisters to Miss Wood's to see the room they were going to share, and the errand fell to a tall, pale, fair-haired On top of the girl, she's from Burma and always enjoys doing that sort of thing.Ada Constance Baker was born in England and raised in India, and was always a little out of step with the rest of the school.Her character was still unformed, waiting to be branded, and it was only because her mother had just died and no one knew what to do with her that she happened to live at Miss Wood's flat.Her father, a former army doctor in the Indian Army and now practicing in nearby Welbeck Street, was a morose and unsociable man whose "too much curry affected his digestion".Mansfield's formidable shadow can be found in the novel "The Late Colonel's Daughter", which was originally titled "The Non-Comprehensive Student".

Ada spent her childhood in Burma, and now the house on Welbeck Street is still filled with oriental sculptures, but there is no mother in the house, and what is waiting for her is nothing but a Victorian woman, such as the role that the colonel's daughters should play, Although she will not be a governess (a sum of money has been prepared for her). She will be a "donor" all her life, and of course she will be rewarded by others.Colonel Baker was withdrawn from the world, depressed, and finally committed suicide in Rhodesia.At present, Ida lives in Miss Wood's apartment. She took several sisters from New Zealand to their room, and then avoided seeing them.However, it wasn't long before she had a crush on Vera.Later, Vera recalled: "I often found her lying on the ground outside my door, waiting to ask if she could help me undress."--In today's zippers everywhere, this sentence is easy to cause misunderstanding, in fact, it is only It's just helping to untie countless buttons, a very common thing.

Ada likes to feed the animals, babysit, she plays the violin, she even speaks at the debating club, but no one understands her, and the other girls are "feeling sorry for her", unaware that she has a lot of self-confidence, and she's very confident about this kind of behavior. Sympathy is dismissive.She was a pudding-loving, strong-bodied, yet surprisingly soft and melodious voice, and like Emily Dickenson, her eyes were the color of "the sherry left in the glass when the guests go away."People usually think of Ida as a docile little thing, a doormat, or in her own words: "a puppy that is about to hang", but she is by no means such a person, but a typical British, with a talent for being very humble on certain occasions; but she wears oversized shoes, and Kathleen looks short and small next to her for Zimbabwe. ——Annotation ② Emily Dickinson (1830-1886), an American poetess. —Ze Note Kathlyn seems to have taken life on Harley Street with aplomb and no one feels sorry for her: anyway, the Beechams chartered a whole boat from New Zealand; they lived in expensive hotels , had the best seats at the theater, and Kathlyn was one of them if she wanted to (it must not be forgotten that she was always a Beecham), and she came from Bond Street I bought a new cello at the Hill store, and I'm still writing to Tom Trowell.The brothers had gone to Frankfurt together in the summer, and she had visited them there in October.In Regent's Park in the fall, Ada recalls, Kathlyn surprised her by suggesting, "Let's be friends," out of the blue.From Ida's perspective, Beecham was simply Payne's New Zealand cousins ​​who happened to meet her the day they arrived at school.She explained that people don't start friendships, they just become friends naturally.But Kathleen achieved her goal, because Ada needed a special kind of friendship all her life, which would allow her to share other people's ambitions and achievements, and derive some vicarious pleasure from it.If Ida had been infatuated with Vera, it was soon the younger sister's turn, but this time it outlasted the infatuation, and her character began to take shape.

Ada expressed her love for Kathleen in a book written in her later years, and used the name LM that Kathleen gave her as a pseudonym. The first thing about Kathleen described in the book is her Her hair, which she combed for hours when she lived in Harley Street.They often talked for hours in Kathleen's room. Although Ada was not very good at using a camera, she still took many photos of Kathleen playing the cello one after another. During this period, Tom Trowell's picture hung above Kathleen's wardrobe, looking down silently. "This is her New Zealand friend and great romantic icon," Ada once described him (he is not very male).Both girls wanted to be musicians, or writers, or celebrities, and thus needed professional names, like Tom (whose professional name was Arnold), and Kathlyn's famous cousin, who wrote something about German "Elizabeth" of the fascinating works of life.After becoming a violinist, Ada wanted to use her mother's name, Catherine Moore, but Kathleen wanted "Katherine" herself, so she found another name for Ada.She could use Kay's brother's name, called "Leslie Moore", so Ada later called LM. In the winter of the same year, during a poetry reading group meeting, Kathlyn fell in love with her rather innocent cousin Sylvia Payne.According to Sylvia's sister, she was "shy, silent, humble, timid, very much like Dale in appearance, with Tom's red hair. The only sign that Kathlyn's affection was reciprocated was that Sylvia preserved until her death the fiery, passionate letters inspired by her shyness.Kathlyn's first two letters were little more than courteous greetings between cousins, yet from "dear old papa" - great-uncle Henry Harlan Beecham - at his home in Kent on Christmas Eve 1903 The letter was a sudden announcement: Dearest Sylvia: I wanted to write to you this afternoon, so I did. . . I like you more than any other girl I've met in England.It seems that I haven't seen you much recently. We are standing at the gate of understanding each other's hearts, but we can't cross the threshold.The mind I mean is this: My mind is open to all the things I love (imagined or real), and that is where I treasure my memories, my happiness and my joy, and there is a little room in it marked " "Fantasy", there are many, many people I like very much, but they usually only see the room I open to the public, they say I am false, crazy, and changeable, ①Bond Street, the name of a main commercial street in Lunguo. ——Annotation I will not let them see my true face anyway, otherwise I think they will think I am crazy even more. There is a reference to the "little room," which characterizes her later friendships, and the sentiments expressed are no more than repetitions of feelings for Ida. The school magazine that month won some praise for a children's story by "Kathlyn M. Beecham," titled "Pine Tree, Sparrow, You and Me," after her "opening in a "secret room" (recorded in notebooks, never published) is something quite different and darker in meaning; a story or hallucination titled "His Ideal," Death Wish The theme of the first appeared in her work.The title refers to an unnamed protagonist who, during childhood illness, dreams of a beautiful woman appearing to him, who grows up to miss her and is finally ready to drown himself when she reappears and grants his wish , His Name Is Death, was written in August 1903, when Kathleen was only 15 years old. On New Year's Eve, while on holiday with relatives near Sheffield, she wrote a poem to Sylvia Payne, a prayer for knowledge and light.After the midnight service, she wrote a message to Tom Trowell, which she jotted down in her notebook: "I'm going to start writing a book this New Year's Day, and it won't be anything dramatic. Great work, just about everything I've done..", which was already beginning to be seen in her first year out of New Zealand: she found a lifelong friend that New Zealand could never give her, and wrote something about children her story, and was praised, but also wrote a fantasy in which the hero longed for death; she also wrote little poems, and got into the habit of chatting with her notebook.In fact, since she found a way to compete with music and the cello, she considers a day wasted if she doesn't write something. In Regent's Park, her proposal of "let's be friends" surprised Ida and must have surprised Sylvia Payne, maybe they thought it was a bit "colonial", but it was more than that, it was the core , is a way of forming many of her works.One story after another seems to say to the reader, "Let's be friends."Dearest Sylvia: It was very kind of you to write me a long letter, which I am delighted to receive... Thank goodness I'm going back to school soon, but Sylvia, I'm a little ashamed that I'm craving German lessons so much.I can't help it, it's terrible.During class I felt like I wanted to stare at him all the time, I've never liked anyone this much, I liked him more and more every day, but Thursday he was like an ice cube! .. "he" is Professor Lippmann, the idol of the German class and in fact a remarkable teacher with a talent for provoking the minds of young people, who soon becomes the most influential figure in Kathleen's life.Lippmann was not always like ice, and a contemporary of Kathleen recalled that he was "too young to teach a girls' school" (he married an original student in 1905), while Evelyn P Eun recalls him as "chubby, with well-greased hair and a sharp tongue." In Kathlyn's eyes, he represents all things fashionable, bold and exciting.Before his marriage he used to invite the brighter and more attractive schoolgirls to the literary evenings he held in the house; The artwork opened her eyes.The house had an "atmosphere," recalled Kay, who became a novelist years later: 1 Sheffield, an industrial city in the Midlands of England. ——Annotation Walter opened the door, "Ha, you're here at last," he said, his voice expressing warm friendliness, "Come to the smoking room, second door on the right." Dim yellow curtains were hung in front of the two inner windows, and tall wrought iron candlesticks were placed in the corner. There were pictures of beautiful women on the wall, and on the table was a statue of a girl with a slender figure. There is a shell; a long low sofa is covered with a dark red cover, and there are several low chairs of the same color and elegant style. The room is filled with the fragrance of chrysanthemums. "I'm sure he's helped a lot of girls discover their own worth," Ada said of Walter Lippmann, "where there's a lot of women, and these girls who are going to be adults can be touched by some males." There is nothing better than that." John Middleton Murray also credits Lippmann for stimulating Kathleen's imagination. Kathleen herself recalled this association with some irony in a poignant little fable published in 1910, titled "A Myth," in which a Lippmannian figure turns Bernard Shaw , Ibsen, Arthur Simmons, Oscar Wilde and Paul Valéry and other "decadent" works were introduced to a "wood engraver's daughter" from whom she learned that "selflessness means lack of progress," he must try to avoid the "seven deadly virtues." Little is known of what Kay read before she came under Lippmann's influence, and in fact her family was not a scholarly family, and in this respect her background was quite different from that of the other British writers she later associated with. But she has a famous cousin, the Countess of Arnim, and her famous works, so studious Kathleen will not just glance at "Elizabeth and Her German Garden". May 7th - I love my garden, and I'm sitting here in the lovely atmosphere as dusk approaches, infested by mosquitoes from time to time, and can't help admiring the fresh green around me, a cold rain half an hour ago The leaves are rinsed clean.Two owls were perched nearby, singing together, which I loved as much as the nightingale sang.Gentleman Owl sang low notes, and she answered from a nearby tree, singing at the top of her melodious voice, befitting a well-trained female owl.They kept saying the same thing over and over vigorously, and I figured there must be something bad about me, but I wouldn't let myself be intimidated by the cynicism of two owls. There is a crystal clearness here (this is the opening paragraph of a book) that seemed attractive at the time, if the reader was of a decent class, leading a life of guaranteed happiness. But the style of "Elizabeth" is hollow, without support, never touching on inner life; Deep sympathy for characters forced by circumstances. As early as 1904, a story by Kathlyn was published in the Journal of the Royal Academy, the title of which was derived from an interesting book Elizabeth published a month earlier, "Elizabeth's Adventures in the Island of Rügen", And Kay's story isn't funny at all, at least she doesn't do it on purpose.The "lonely person" described by my cousin is a deranged old maid who longs for a romantic death. She lives alone on the top of the mountain, walks in the forest during the day, and wanders by the seaside at night, until one day, a woman standing on the moonlight The people in the wonderful white boat beckoned to her, her lips smiled, "Take me", she shouted, but a huge wave came, ① Arthur Simmons (1865-1945), British poet and Critic, author of The Symbolist Movement in Literature. ——Annotation ① Rügen Island, an island in northern Germany, is located on the southwestern coast of the Baltic Sea and is a famous health resort. ——Annotation followed by silence. This is the second time in Kathlyn's work that the theme of death wishes appears, perhaps as little more than a literary "influence" at this stage, but with surprising frequency later on.In another book, "The Lonely Man" tells of a pine forest on a seashore in Rügen, where the pure seaside air contains ozone, which "works wonders on anyone with a chest disease."The co-occurrence here of tuberculosis and death wish is obviously a coincidence, but it certainly reflects the threat of tuberculosis generally felt at the time, when it was the major cause of death. The Countess of Mu had a brief meeting, but it was not satisfactory. The Countess in her domain Nathan Head was used to telling visiting neighbors that they could sit down with a gracious attitude. She also brought this habit to London. Surprise those visiting 32 Westminster Square.When the daughter of her embarrassing New Zealand merchant cousin tries to befriend her, she brushes it off contemptuously and, in Vera's words, "we're nothing but little country bumpkins from the colonies". At this time—in 1904—the Countess hired a teacher for her three daughters, Mr. Morgan Foster, a Cambridge friend of her nephew Sidney Waterrow, who also wrote A book, "Where Angels Fear Not to Go," he proofread the novel in Nathan Head, while the female employer printed her own script "Princess Priscilla's Fortnight" at the summer house, "she read I read my proofs and hate this book because it talks about undercooked meat and saliva." Although Kathlyn and the two writers seem to be far apart from each other's worlds at this time, their acquaintance has not been far away.In her aimless way she was approaching a certain art, and would meet them as equals in the next non-decadent age. That summer she wrote down "all my favorite books" and some she didn't like in a notebook. One weekend in July, she read Thomas More's biography of Byron and Anthony Hope's Dolly Dialogue in one sitting. She liked Romney's biography, but not Charlotte Bob's. Londy's Shirley, Poe's poems are marked as favorites, but no short stories are mentioned; no Kipling, Stevenson, Henry James ⑦ and the name of HG Wells.She wrote some more poems, and the cello began Raberman's symphonic variations. The cello accompaniment for her was New Zealand compatriot Lucy Herrick, mentioned in Ada's book ② referring to Elizabeth's Adventures in Rugen Island written by Elizabeth. ——Annotation ①Morgan Foster (1879～1970) British novelist, author of the famous novel "A Passage to India". ——Annotation ② Sidney Waterrow, one of the members of Bloomsbury. ——Annotation ③Thomas More (1779~1852), Irish poet, Byron's friend. ——Annotation ①Anthony Hope (1863～1933), British writer. ——Annotation ②Romney (1734～1802), a British portrait painter. ——Annotation ③Charlotte Bronte (1816~1855), a British female writer, is one of her masterpieces. ——Annotation ④Ellen Poe (1809～1849), a famous American novelist and poet, whose works are grotesque and mysterious. ——Annotation ⑤Kipling (1865～1936), British novelist and poet. ——Annotation ⑥Stevenson (1850～1894), a famous British adventure story and prose writer, "Treasure Island" and "New Arabian Nights" are his representative works. —— Annotation ⑦ Henry James (1843~1916), was born in the United States and later settled in the United Kingdom. An outstanding novelist and literary critic in the 20th century. His representative works include "Portrait of a Lady" and "Bostonians". ——Annotation ⑧ Berman (1862～1897), French composer, cello symphonic variations is one of his main works. ——Annotation her; she wrote: Lucy and Kathleen went to the concert, "in their loose black ties, wide velvet hats, and slouched walks, they looked like young Musicians of Bohemia".To fulfill her ambitions, she had to choose whether to start with music or writing; when it came to playing the cello, Lucy said "her fingers are too short". And right now, Tom sent his work from Frankfurt, and Kathleen should give something in return.In fact, in 1904 Vera and Miss Kathlyn Beecham appeared in the press as songwriters, with two songs written by them and "Love's Plea" published by a Berlin music publisher. Perhaps at the behest of the chairman of the New Zealand Piano Company, these two songs were sung in front of him a few months later at a port directors' dinner in Wellington. Lovesickness sung by the passionate young girls of Katherine Mansfield's later work. Two other stories in the Academy Magazine were drawn from her childhood recollections and were similar in tone to the Overture, but in December 1905 she was followed by her last work, the essay "Talking about Pat," which resembled As lively as Pat herself, it may be said to be the first to come out of the pen of Katherine Mansfield.It is now clearer that New Zealand is what she does best. In 1906, a new friend, a bright and calm young lady two years her senior, lent Kathryn a book that changed everything.Walter Lippmann was cautious and did not introduce "The Portrait of Dorian Gray" to his students.But Will Butterick-Baker—Kathlyn calls her "Mimi"—sneakily lent her Lippincourt magazine, which first published the novel, and Kathlyn read it unabridged from the start of the original text. "Reading Gaol Narrative Poem" ② resonated in Kathleen's heart, and the two girls often sat in the gazebo to discuss Wilde, Tolstoy and Maeterlinck ③ enthusiastically. "The Picture of Dorian Gray" involved her suddenly into a novel world, although it does not seem particularly out of place now; the epigrams in it puzzled her, which also affected her own later writing Some "reading notes".On reading "Being yourself is just a pose, and the most obnoxious pose I've ever known", she wholeheartedly agrees, and on "Expressing who you really are is what each of us is here for," She copied it too.Head full of Wilde and decadence, she waited for her parents to come from Wellington.Now begins an episode of the "European" phase, in which Puccini and Mirger can be heard now and then, and genius knows who. The Trovel brothers have transferred from Frankfurt to the Brussels Conservatoire. During Easter 1906, Aunt Bell (who is now both chaperone and Miss Wood's helper in Harley Street) took the nieces to Paris and Brussels, so Kathleen met the Trowell brothers again and met them A classmate of mine who appears to be named Rudolph.Tom was creating a daring trio like would-be geniuses, and he and Garnett wore huge black hats and smoked the longest cigarettes.It was spring, but the cup of happiness was swiftly and rudely snatched from their hands, for Harold and Anne Beecham were arriving by boat to fetch their daughters from school.The girls returned to London, where they were temporarily reunited with their parents in expensive hotels in Manchester Street, from where Kathleen wrote to Sylvia Payne (April 24, 1906), in addition to reporting some new news and No ⑨ Bohemia, a region of Czechoslovakia, later often used to refer to artists who live a bold and uninhibited life. ——Annotation ① "The Portrait of Dorian Gray", a novel by Oscar Wilde. ——Annotation ② "The Epic of Reading Prison", a long poem by Oscar Wilde. ——Annotation ③Maeterlinck (1862～1949), Belgian symbolist poet and playwright, won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1911. ——Annotation ①Puccini (1852～1924), a famous Italian opera composer. ——Annotation ②Mirger (1822～1861), a French writer, whose novel "Scenes from the Life of a Bohemian" was adapted by Puccini into the opera "Boeme". —— Annotation Speaking of rebellious words, she is still an absolute Beecham at present. We've been here with my parents since last friday and had a great time, I've never smiled like this, they're still the same, we're going to New Zealand in October. After leaving you, my life has changed a lot. My father is very disapproving of me becoming a professional violinist or taking the cello as a serious business, so I hope that it is absolutely impossible to engage in music work.. same as "impossible" "Competing is useless, so in the future I will devote all my time to writing.She said she longed for the peace and quiet of the ideal "seaside cottage" that her father had built for them in Dyce Bay, but our "chameleon" went on to say that it was "imitation" that attracted her now. ". I like this kind of hotel life, there is a sense of irresponsibility, which is its allure, wouldn't you like to try different kinds of life?一种生活过于狭隘，但写作可以让你得到满足，一个人可以模仿那么多的人。 回到伍德小姐寄宿公寓后，凯什琳因为同姐姐们争吵，搬出了原来的房间，同另一个新西兰人爱琳?帕丽莎合祝这时从布鲁塞尔传来了鲁道夫自杀的消息，他用手枪自杀，这种情形属于奥斯卡?王尔德的世界，涉及无人敢于提到其名称的那种爱情①。凯什琳大为震惊，这种事会导致自杀吗？特罗维尔兄弟此时已离开布鲁塞尔，来到伦敦，在西区举行了那必不可少的音乐会，从此开始了自己的演奏生涯。也许同时出现了过多令人激动不安的事情，爱琳就近观察，感到这种不安也影响到了凯同汤姆那种若有若无的爱情：凯同他会面后，精神极其沮丧地回到伍德小姐公寓，她哭着倒在床上，睡着后也发出抽泣声。她开始去找算命的人，去参加降神会，“想发现将来会怎样”。 看起来这次恋爱只是病状而不是病因，精神上的紧张不安也许主要来源于回“家”，离开伦敦、巴黎和布鲁塞尔的一切诱惑，回到桑顿那难以忍受的平静中去。父母亲谈到惠灵顿，威胁到她的个人世界。凯开始对维尔抱怨父亲，不负责任地谈到要在伦敦租一个寓所，“凑合着度日”。在1906年，对一个体面的年轻女士来说，这是不可能的，但是维尔的姐姐半开玩笑半当真，建议她们合用一个寓所，凯丝也把此话当了真。 这段插曲写入了凯什琳刚刚开始的“小说”片断。5月里，在写了那封有关模仿的信后仅三个星期，她打开了一本厚厚的黑色笔记本，开始写现在叫作《朱丽叶》的长篇大论，其中充塞着当时种种事情的记载。故事大意似乎是这样的：朱丽叶，14岁，遇见了大提琴手戴维?梅因，显然是在惠灵顿，她爱上了他，然后去伦敦呆了三年，在那儿与一个名叫珠儿的女孩子合住一间房子。 时间到了，该回到惠灵顿和它“体面的生活”中去，那是一种永无止境的社会功能，人们用谈论服装来消磨时间。她反抗父亲，决定留下不走，接受了珠儿的建议，在伦敦合住一处寓所，这时也有对戴维的不信任（“想想吧，总是和一个男人呆在一起”，在一个意味深长的场景中，朱丽叶对珠儿说，“一个女人同一个男人呆在一起时不会感到完全地自由自在”），接着就要写到鲁道夫了。 ①奥斯卡?王尔德曾因被控同性恋而判刑两年。——译注在一个标题为“鲁道夫的胜利”的词藻华丽的章节中，朱丽叶来到她和戴维两人合用的工作室，发现鲁道夫一人呆在那里。他的机会来了，他们闲聊着，他随意在钢琴上弹着《唐?豪塞》①，但是不久气氛就变了，接下去是瓦格纳②，普契尼，莎士比尼，米尔热以及一些三流的浪漫故事等等的大杂烩。 “放开我”，朱丽叶说，她抬眼看着他，他的表情使她突然停止了挣扎，不出声地望着他，她嘴唇张开着，眼里含着恐惧。 “你这可爱的小家伙”，鲁道夫轻声他说，他的脸靠近她，“你这可爱的小家伙——你现在不能出去了..”她觉得整个房子在摇晃，感到自己要晕倒了，“鲁道夫，鲁道夫。”她说着，而鲁道夫的回答是“终于..”。 这件事发生了，又结束了。戴维参加大学生舞会归来，时机恰好地告诉大家，他“疯狂地爱上了珠儿”，而朱丽叶此时也发现自己怀孕了（“恐惧压倒了她，'噢，这——这不行'，她说，'绝不行，这太可怕了..'”），但结局显然是她流产了。在戴维和珠儿面前：她睁开眼睛，看见这两人在她身边，“要我把你们的手握在一起，为你们祝福吗？”她轻轻他说，突然抬起身来，“噢，我想活，”她喊道，但死神的手落在了她唇上。 作者似乎意识到经过这样地渲染渴望死亡的主题（这样奇特地有预见似地渲染），只有讽刺才能使主角退出舞台，最后活下来的人各自回到自己的家中去，这种安排本身就是一种无可奈何的平庸。 尽管《朱丽叶》情节夸张，随意模仿，却显示了作者自己以及她的青春时代，她易受“艺术家”类型的男人诱惑，她与维尔和沃特?李普曼的关系；她下意识地对生孩子和流产所抱的态度。已经可以清楚地看到她的勃勃雄心，一些迹象表明她将成为父亲一样的强者。许多混杂在一起的细节表明了发生过和将要发生的事件。 伦敦的情景是描写得最好的，但草稿中最完整的人物除了朱丽叶自己外，当然就是她父亲了：“用一块大丝绸手帕包裹着脖子，小心翼翼，一丝不苟，像所有那些身体完全健康的人一样，总想象着自己是在同虚弱的体质挣扎”，描写他是“道道地地的庸俗商人”，当他到伦敦一所学院接女儿时，全身散发着“无庸置疑的商人气息”。 17岁的凯的无情笔锋下这位牺牲者也像《福尔赛世家》中任何一个人物一样，一点也不知道世人对自己的了解，现在正在伦敦参加大英帝国商会第六届会议，恰好被选为30个会议代表之一，在白金汉宫受到爱德华七世召见，他自己的书中也有记述。 夏天似乎在观光和走访亲友中度过了，然而随着乘船回家的日子临近，家中出现了一些争吵。凯什琳说她要呆在伦敦，当然未得到允许，但是她知道该怎么办，她告诉爱琳?帕丽莎：“我要让自己变得非常令人讨厌，这样①《唐?豪塞》，瓦格纳1845年创作的歌剧。——译注②瓦格纳（1813～1883），德国著名作曲家、音乐戏剧家，主要著作有《艺术与革命》《歌剧与戏剧》等。 ——译注 他们就不得不让我离开。 " 贝尔姨妈留了下来，此时她已同一个富有的股东结了婚，这位股东拥有两处产业。凯什琳也许能够开始写作小说，向自己证明自己是位作家，但绝不能让父母知道，她只能在海上航行时继续写下去。 他们10月启程，几天前她才度过18岁生日。这次他们只好同其他人一起乘一条船。