Chapter 15 13 Living in seclusion (1976-1979, aged 41 to 44)

During the last court-martial, although I didn’t say a word, I left a written opinion, which can show the root of my “right of silence”, the full text is as follows: Mr. Judge: It only takes me a minute to finish my speech. My speech is divided into five points: The first point: Regarding the content of this case - I have nothing to say, and I use the right of silence in the law.I don't think I need to explain why I didn't speak. Before 1946, Jesus didn't speak when he was being judged. The second point: the part about the judgment - I did not appeal in the past, and I will not appeal in the future.Although I am innocent, although I am not guilty, I would still like to quote two words of Gandhi, the great leader of Indian independence, in court: "I do not want to waste the time of the court, I admit guilt."

The third point: Regarding my attitude - I now declare that all the things I wrote and signed after I was arrested and tortured are all invalid.Maybe I am not confident enough to resist the torture of modern scientific methods, but I know that 544 years ago, after being arrested, the most confident Joan of Arc also made the same helpless mistake as me. The fourth point: Regarding the so-called bombing case—although it has nothing to do with me, I would like to be a "character witness" for the five children Li Zhengyi, Liu Chendan, Wu Zhongxin, Guo Rongwen, and Zhan Chongxiong. That is to say, I I believe that they are not the ones who do this kind of thing. Their false submission is the result of being tortured.I ask Mr. Judge to give them a verdict of not guilty ).

Fifth point: About my personal sentence - I do not ask for a reduced sentence, nor am I dissatisfied with the aggravation.The three passages in court in 1918 by the American civil leader Eugene Debs (that is, Eugene Debs, who is in prison and a million people voted for him as president) are my words: "As long as there is an underclass, I am with it; As long as there is a criminal element, I am a partner; As long as there are wandering souls at the bottom of the prison, I will not be free. " As long as I am on this island, it doesn't matter whether I am in or out of prison; whether I am a "great writer" who "doesn't deserve his name" or a "great prisoner" who "belongs to his name", I don't feel free at all.So on my personal part, I ask no relief.

Li Ao September 15th From this written statement, it can be seen that I have been in prison for more than four years, and the peace and confusion in my heart have shown me. This peace and confusion make me not obsessed with the length of the sentence or whether I will be released from prison, but for me. Look in the direction, but there is something wrong. After the verdict was confirmed on September 22, 1975, I wrote a secret letter to teacher Wu Juncai. Wu Juncai taught me "Modern Indian History" at National Taiwan University. The letter said: Teacher Juncai: With eighteen years of teacher-student friendship, please listen to me first-"Li Ao is not a member of Taiwan independence!"

I came to Taiwan when I was fourteen, and now I am forty, but I still can't speak Taiwanese.Can't listen to Taiwanese.At the age of twenty-seven, I "gained a big name", and your party newspaper called me a "villain niche." It is not surprising that Taiwanese with political ambitions want to "united front" me, a native of other provinces.But I am bored with politics, so I rejected Gao Yushu. Taiwan independence elements target me. I think there are at least three factions—(1) the "Taiwan Youth" faction (they keep using me as a theme in their organ publications); Ranks" and other leaflets); (3) Peng Mingmin, Xie Congmin, Wei Tingchao. (1) (2) I don't know the two factions at all.The (third) faction knew all before they became rebels.After they got out of prison, they had contacts with me. I didn’t believe that they would engage in nerdy political activities again, so I didn’t take it seriously and didn’t avoid suspicion. Now it has been proved that I am even more nerdy than them.

I was arrested three weeks after Xie and Wei were arrested. They described me as "one-fifth" (Xie said one of the "five members", Wei said "half of two and a half"), and said that I agreed to join the organization , I'm completely baffled.This is the time when leaflets such as "Welcome Li Ao to join our ranks" appear at the train station... Of course, this constitutes a reasonable suspicion of me by the case-handling joint team (composed of various units), because my record of being a "villain niche" for many years is too bad , so that I can not win the trust of people. ...After about ten days, I felt that I couldn't cooperate with this "one-fifth" statement, and I was afraid it would end.Out of helplessness, I made up a set of rhetoric, and I said that we had made a joke about joining.I thought at the time that this rhetoric could not only mean cooperation, but also make a major issue a minor one because it was a joke. It could not be clarified in terms of "existence", but had to be trusted for a while in terms of "severity".

Half a year later, Section Chief Liu of the Bureau of Investigation came to see me and said, "The good news is to tell you that we have found out, and we know that we have wronged you." Later I heard that the Taiwan independence activists finally admitted to falsely accusing me.A year later, when the court opened, the Taiwan independence elements admitted in court that they had falsely accused me of accusing me, "forced to bite Li Ao" and so on.In fact, at this time, the propaganda goal of the Taiwan independence elements has been achieved. They have finally succeeded in calling for comrades from other provinces who have a golden signature, and let your party bear the name of harming the good.

I am in prison myself, I have nothing to say; but I am at a loss when I have been in prison with Taiwan independence elements for many years and cannot explain myself. Then I mentioned: On the premise of "national" interests, I am no different from any "patriot" in your party, although I am regarded as an enemy. I am considered an enemy.My book was banned, the magazine was suspended, the store was closed, and the beef noodles were no longer available. …I’m reduced to a junk peddler, selling old books and used goods on a good old note (i.e. the New York Times said mine was selling old appliances).When Mrs. Li Hanxiang saw that I was sweating profusely and carried the refrigerator to her kitchen with Xiao Gong, and asked me: "Why did a generation of great writers fall to this point?" I could only smile wryly.

The last fourteen months of house arrest came, scaring my friends and my business.I didn't expect that it has been six years since I gave up the pen holder, but I still don't see it. I was impulsive again. I think your party does not allow me to be a person with a pen holder, and it does not allow me to be a person without a pen holder.I started revenge.These revenges all started after six years of silence, and all started after the house arrest took place. ... I vaguely see the consequences of tragedy, I see both sides hurt. I wrote again: Counting from the house arrest, I have lost my physical freedom for nearly six years.Six years ago, the book was banned, the magazine was suspended, and the store was closed... In the past six years, it was the peddler who couldn't do it, the friends who were scared away, the woman got married, the house was mortgaged, the relatives changed, and even My younger brother is also in jail for debt.Everything is faded and faded beyond recognition.The inner self has changed from splendor to plainness, and the external relationship has turned from plainness to nothingness. Six years of smoke and cloud can make such a change inside and outside. I seem to feel that I am not reborn once, but dead nine times.

Since I came to Taiwan in 1949, I grew up in poverty. From writing wax boards to delivering newspapers, to saving money to buy books while starving for breakfast, I have gradually established some unusual "achievements" for me. I have done what Qian Mu wrote a letter to praise. A middle school student, a college student whom the teacher appreciates, and a postgraduate student whom Hu Shi sent money to redeem in a limited-time letter.In the end, in a very short period of time, I used the power of words alone to rise to the top, and I was invincible, so that those who wanted to use the pen to subdue me were eclipsed, and instead used methods other than the pen to dye the color on my body. "Talent is like Jiang Hai, fate is like silk", I was reduced from a great writer to a great prisoner, everything seems to be predetermined.The solitary lamp is dim, and I think alone in the middle of the night. Li Hongzhang said that this island is "a place of sadness", and it has multiple sentiments for me.

I took the initiative to apply to live alone in a small room, and do religious retreats all year round.Carefully read the teacher's new work "Gandhi and Modern India".In terms of spiritual practice, I have benefited a lot.The far-off philosopher is silent on Monday, and every day has been Monday for me for many years.Silence makes me communicate alone with the spirit of heaven and earth, and go up to the vast wilderness, where there is no land.The initial sentence was ten years, and I will not appeal. I think I should be imprisoned in the "sad place". I am willing to spend many years in prison to pay for what I have done and what I have not done.I think it's too late.This retrial, I was silent in court!I just quoted a sentence from the teacher's book to the judge-"I don't want to waste court time, I plead guilty." When the teacher received this letter from me, the remaining term of my sentence was less than one year.The time to write this letter has come.I would like to confess to the teacher as follows: "Wen Xing" was discontinued in 1965, and this year is 1975. I paid for ten years of youth and predicament—a predicament that got worse and worse—to repay my early short-term fratricide, and now both are cleared.Twenty-six years ago; I came to this "sad place" with your party, the same "patriotism", the same hard work, although not comrades, but should not be enemies.There is no unresolvable hatred in the world, not to mention that we have the same blood, everything should be resolved rather than knotted.At the end of the Qing Dynasty, I would like to weigh my stay on this island from the perspective of "national" interests through my teacher.Our enemy country has calculated that it is better to exile writers than to stay, and leniency itself is eloquent, and it is more than offsetting the "afterthoughts" of writers after leaving the country. Regardless of Simov, they were all exiled.I am only making an argument here on the pros and cons of writers, of course it is a metaphor, not the Soviet Union.Because we are not exiled, but farewell. It is the two sides' agreement in a harmonious atmosphere to share my interests, which is the interests of Taiwan.My presence on this island is superfluous to Taiwan and a waste to me. ... I made a low-profile suggestion and suggested that I be released to go abroad after I was released from prison. I also told Mr. Wu Juncai that in addition to my political case, there is another case that is "obviously a political case arising from this case" in the "Judicial Court" ", sentenced me for half a year for so-called fraud, "I can't sit in this kind of false and disreputable prison, I ask the teacher to solve the political problem on my behalf." Going to a foreign country can help solve Peng Mingmin's problem, "I think it is impossible for him to come back." Of course, this is my bait to lure them to let me go out, and I will plan later and settle the score with the Kuomintang.It is not too late for a gentleman to "go abroad" for revenge.Sure enough, the secret letter worked. On July 23, 1976, while I was being brainwashed in "Ren'ai Village", the office suddenly informed me that the security department had sent a car to pick me up to Taipei.After getting in the car, we drove straight to the living room of the Guest House of the Police Headquarters on Keelung Road. Soon after, Mr. Wu Juncai appeared. He said that he was very touched by my letter, and he was willing to deal with it for the "country" and the students.If you ask me any difficulties, you can tell him.I said that after I was imprisoned, my younger brother ate my money and put my Crystal Mansion house in his name (I don’t put the property in my name, because I’m afraid it will be confiscated by the “government”) to Overseas Chinese Bank. Non-payment of interest, resulting in the house falling into the hands of the bank, I hope it can be resolved on its behalf.Later, Mr. Wu Juncai met me again. He said that he would help solve the problem of the house in the Crystal Building; the part about going to foreign countries would be discussed after I was released from prison; , resolved with "Do Not Execute".Teacher Wu Juncai relatively asked me to serve as an associate researcher at the International Relations Research Center of National Chengchi University, to show that everyone is no longer hostile and to solve my life problems. The six years of deprivation of public rights due to the rebellion case can be nothing, which can prove the so-called The Kuomintang ruled by law, but Neil!I agree. I was released from prison without bail on November 19, 1976 after serving five years and eight months in prison.On the eleventh day after he was released from prison (December 1), he had his first official job in his life.That day Cai Weiping, the director of the "National Customs Center", invited me to meet and said that the research room in the research building was full, so he arranged for me to go to the General Affairs Building and use the room opposite the General Affairs Director's Office as a research room. I knew they wanted to "quarantine" me. , I laughed and accepted it. The library of the "National Customs Center" has a lot of "enemy information". Do not borrow.When I went to the "Guoguan Center", my basic mentality was to deal with Teacher Wu Juncai.In the second year, Mr. Wu Juncai went to El Salvador as an "ambassador". I took the opportunity to firmly resign from the "National Relations Center", and the director Cai Weiping refused to let me go.My feeling is: "The short-lived 'associate researcher' was like a person who went to the street to buy vegetables and was suddenly arrested as a soldier. Whenever he had the opportunity, he would definitely desert and go back to buy vegetables." Finally, "In I stayed in the center for thirteen months, but I spent less than thirteen hours at work. Not only did I refuse to study, but I also refused to discuss, listen to lectures, sign in, receive books and newspapers, and finally refused to receive salary.” I am determined to leave. In 1978, I even had a deposit letter to Cai Weiping: 1. I have resigned by registered letter as early as January 22. At the same time, I have returned my salary, attached my certificate, and please send me a letter of resignation. 2. Unexpectedly, after waiting for more than four months, I have not received the resignation certificate. Instead, I received the "Guoyan" Zhengren No. 0209 and No. 0400. It is deemed that I am still working, which is obviously in line with the facts. do not match. 3. Return the return letter with the letter, and please send the resignation certificate. It's just that Cai Weiping couldn't make the decision and was determined not to resign.Later, teacher Wu Juncai returned to Taiwan from El Salvador, came to my house in person, and agreed to my resignation, but invited me to be the editor-in-chief of "Central Daily" and was about to take over as the editor-in-chief. I smiled and said, "I will not be a thug for the Kuomintang, thank you Teacher!" On August 20, 1978, I finally received the "Certificate of Resignation of the Staff of the International Relations Research Center" issued by Cai Weiping. "March 1, 1978", but the date of issuance of the certificate is "August 18, 1978", which shows that this resignation was successful after several months of tossing.A reasonable guess is: the official wanted to detain me with the title of "Congee Ma Wen", and show that the relationship between the two parties has not deteriorated, but this "preferential treatment" is invalid for Li Ao, and Li Ao still tried every means to escape.Leaving the "National Customs Center" shows my two points of style: first, I don't like money, and my salary is that of an associate professor. I only receive a dry salary, and there is a lot of money every year. The number is considerable; second, I cherish feathers and freedom, and asked to go, unlike Chen Guying, who were greedy for salary and were finally kicked out because of the election. I want to leave the "National Customs Center", basically because I want to live the peaceful and boundless life in my prison, cut off all friends, and refuse personnel.My financial foundation is the two houses I left before I was imprisoned, but when I was imprisoned, my younger brother took advantage of the fire to rob them. Together with his doting mother, they mortgaged them privately, and they refused to pay interest after the mortgage. .In the end, Teacher Wu Juncai asked the security department to come forward, and the security department was transferred to Lin Jiaqi (he is a very skilled man, and he has the best ability to turn enemies into friends. Later, when I lived in seclusion, I didn't go downstairs for five and a half months. I invited individuals from the house to testify and "forced" OCBC to buy the house in Crystal Building for 2.3 million.After I repaid the bank’s one million debt, I also repaid another house’s more than three hundred thousand yuan in debt. In the end, I only had one million yuan in hand. With this little money, I planned to make a comeback.At this time, the old year was coming to an end, and I was opening the door to renovate the house. Xiao Mengneng came suddenly and complained that I met me in a department store a few days ago, but I didn’t speak to him, implying that someone was following me. I restored diplomatic relations, and said that he needed money at the end of the year, hoping that I would lend him more than one million yuan for a few days, but I had no choice but to agree.Unexpectedly, after the old year passed, he told me that he was in the dilemma of selling the crystal building, and the money he owed me could not be repaid unless I went to sea to help him solve it.I had no choice but to agree.So I sit in the crystal building every day, helping him from the official to the private, and from the private to his sister-in-law, all paperwork back and forth or individual negotiations. It took several months, hard work, and civil engineering contractors to basically solve the problem.Xiao Mengneng gave me one million according to his promise, and I, together with Jiucun, bought the house on the 12th floor of Jinlan Building on Dunhua South Road.After moving in, the tone of my life was still the same, but there was a source of income that greatly improved my financial ability, that is, Gu Zhenfu bought a batch of my stocks.It turned out that this batch of stocks was given to Xiao Tongzi by Gu Zhenfu when he established the "China Synthetic Rubber Company", and it was 250,000 yuan at that time.After Xiao Tongzi's death, Xiao Mengneng inherited it. Since it hadn't risen for five years and it was boring to hold, he resold it to me, so I became a shareholder of the company.First, in June 1976, when I was in "Ren'aizhuang", I read the newspaper and learned that there was a so-called "China Trust and Investment Corporation" credit card issued, as long as you deposit 50,000 yuan, you can get it naturally without relying on introductions. He was in a difficult situation after being imprisoned, and it was much more convenient to have a credit card. Now that he can hold the card without asking for help, he remitted 50,000 yuan on June 10, 1976, and became a minority shareholder of 50,000 yuan in the company according to law.Unexpectedly, after I bought Xiao Mengneng's "China Synthetic Rubber Corporation" stock, I discovered that in the "China Synthetic Rubber Corporation Shareholder Register", the number of shares held by trust investment companies exceeded 50% of the total number of shares. More than 131 and 415 shares (that is, more than 54% of the total shares)!It completely violates the "Ministry of Finance"'s regulation that no more than 40% of the amount should be exceeded.The purpose of the regulations is to prevent "'trust companies' using trust funds to purchase most of the shares of other companies and engage in business operations, which is no different from annexing other companies." There is a strange phenomenon that the big eats the small, and the left hand eats the right hand, so complicated and serious conflicts arise. * │Conflict Company│Culprit of Conflict│Victim of Conflict│ ├─────────────┼─────────┼──────────────────────────────────┤ │"China Trust and Investment Corporation"│Chairman Gu Zhenfu│Trust Fund Trustee Li Ao│ ├─────────────┼─────────┼──────────────────────────────────┤ │"China Synthetic Rubber Corporation"│Chairman Gu Zhenfu│Shareholder Li Ao│ └────────────┴─────────┴────────────┘I, as a shareholder, issued three letters to "China Synthetic Rubber Company” and sent my younger brother Li Fang to attend the shareholder meeting on April 3. Three days later, I wrote the following letter: The company's 1979 regular shareholders' meeting was held on April 3. I reserved my right to litigate and entrusted my younger brother Li Fang to attend as my proxy.Within one hour after the meeting, Li Fang sorted out the key points of the meeting, and the close-ups are as follows, as a memorandum. 1. Notice of the meeting The regular meeting will be held at "10:30 in the morning", and at the same time, there is an invitation card from Mr. Gu Zhenfu "At 12:00 noon, I will be respectful and prepare for the Philippine drink", which proves that we have not seen each other for a year, and the meeting is only arranged for one meeting. half an hour.Before the meeting, during the year, the company did not send any piece of information that would help the shareholders to understand, which is lack of courtesy.When the meeting was only scheduled for one and a half hours, it was too arrogant.It would be more than an hour and a half if everything should be true to the story; but it would definitely not be enough for serious discussion.This regular meeting, because of my three letters before and after, I finally had a symbolic discussion, and it has been delayed until half past twelve, and it cannot be concluded.According to Li Fang's suggestion, everything should be written and detailed, which is not only accurate, but also enables shareholders who are not present to understand.Mr. Cheng Gu Zhenfu fully agreed, so the meeting was adjourned.The whole process is two hours. 2. At the beginning of the meeting, the person in charge mentioned that he had received a time-limited registered letter from shareholder Li at ten o'clock just now, and objected to the notification of the meeting date, so a "lawyer Wang" appeared.He said that according to the order of the Ministry of Economic Affairs, the date of sending the letter should be counted as one day.Li Fang said that Li's shareholders are based on the law, and those who violate the law are ordered to be invalid.However, the person in charge of the company insisted on holding a meeting. Li Fang said that the matter had to be resolved according to law after replying to Li's shareholder letter. 3. At the beginning of the meeting, Mr. Gu Zhenfu asked someone to read his first and third letters. I am very grateful to Mr. Gu Zhenfu for his generosity and demeanor. His demeanor has always been very good. 4. The person in charge of the company did not give a real answer to my letter, but just answered it. The lack of time is also one of the reasons. They expressed the following points: (1) The delay in Xiangshan's land application was the fault of the Construction Department (but it failed to explain why it did not sue the Construction Department for compensation from the government). (2) Lin Yuan bought the land by looking at the map, not actually looking at it. (3) Too many and too slow to admit mistakes in operation. (4) Mistakes are unavoidable because of too hasty seeking credit. (5) The factory in Linyuan was the first in Linyuan, and there were many problems. (6) The exclusive production qualification in Taiwan was obtained through hard work by the person in charge, and the hard work of starting a business is unknown to Li's shareholders. (7) THEY SAVE THE COMPANY A LOT OF MONEY. (8) The tower bottom oil of CNPC is not applicable, and they failed to pay attention in advance; they said that CNPC was not very clear about their products, and they did not give samples, and they thought they could be used together. (9) "China Trust" is a problem of "China Trust Company" (Mr. When he was in front of Mr. Gu Zhenfu, someone whispered to Mr. Gu Zhenfu, so he refused to show it).However, Mr. Gu Zhenfu guarantees that the annual return on investment will be 35.88%.From the next year, he can earn at least 80 million a year.As soon as the company made money, Taiwan Trust retreated. (10) The post office certificate cannot be presented. 5. The persons in charge all admitted that they were not capable enough to cause improper management, but it gave people the impression that A pushed toward B, B pushed toward A, and then A and B pushed toward the heads of outsiders together, and then cautiously toward Mr. Gu Zhenfu Push down.Mr. Gu Zhenfu also admits that he is not capable enough and considers himself a layman, but he also pushes it to Mr. Gu Weifu, whose half-brother has left the company.He said that before 1977, Mr. Gu Weifu actually presided over it, and he himself only started to take charge on March 15, 1977.He was elected chairman and he is in a foreign country.This tells us that he has been working for six years now because of the "yellow robe". 6. After expressing his ashamedness, Mr. Gu Zhenfu announced that he would no longer be the chairman of the board. He also gave up all the voting rights under his personal name and the name of his representative in the Taiwan trust.His courageous and responsible attitude is admirable.However, this aboveboard expression immediately aroused the sense of loss of his left and right supporters and those who persuaded him, and they all shouted how can this be possible!That does not work!All re-elected!Everything remains as it is! ... So they clamored and applauded, saying that everything was passed without going through any legal voting procedures.Li Fang came back and told me, "He seems to have attended a mob meeting in a neat suit." Six days after this letter was sent (April 12), I sent another long letter to "China Trust and Investment Corporation", pointing out: What the person in charge of your company has done is actually between the crime of forgery in Chapter 15, the crime of embezzlement in Chapter 31 and the crime of fraud and breach of trust in Chapter 32 of the Criminal Law.All the princes of your company are the plutocrats on this island who are "reputable and respectable". Now they are so profitable that they are stunned. Mr. Gu Zhenfu took the lead in the conspiracy. The law of the law holds the undivided wealth.Such rampage, I will never stop.To this letter first, please reply.Apology and compensation.If it is not resolved reasonably, I will continue to deal with it through public opinion and legal channels, and I hereby warn you. After Gu Zhenfu received the letter, he knew that the situation was serious.He asked his sister-in-law Huayan to come forward to negotiate.Therefore, Huayan brought many of her new works to my house. We hadn't seen each other for more than ten years, and we met very happily.Huayan is a magnificent woman, I like her very much.First of all, when it comes to Yan Qiao's death, Hua Yan and I are very sad.Then "separation of politics and economy", talk about Gu Zhenfu.Hua Yan said: "Mr. Gu feels very sorry for Mr. Li. My sister, Mrs. Gu, also wanted to visit Mr. Li together. I said that I know Li Ao best, so I should come by myself. This dispute is indeed the company's It’s not right, now I’m willing to buy back the stock at double the price, I’m your ‘Auntie’, please give me face.” I said: “When my teacher was arrested, Mrs. Yan brought three children. She went to Taipei to seek refuge with her relatives, but she was rejected everywhere. Who gave her face? Among them, Gu Zhenfu is the most abominable, and I will settle with him today for 20 or 30 years, and I will never let him go lightly." price, to buy back the stock.As a "reply, apology and compensation", I have calculated the bad breath I have accumulated for 20 or 30 years. Later, Huayan came to my house again and completed the withdrawal procedures.On November 19, I invited Mrs. Yan, whom I hadn’t seen for more than ten years, and sent her a $100,000 demand check in person.I told Mrs. Yan: "You can take this money. This is the money from the person who shut the door to you 30 years ago. Today I finally vented my anger on you." Mrs. Yan cried, and she took the money. He accepted the warmth and old love, and also accepted the unique Li Ao-style justice in the world.Later, she made a pastry treat for me to express her gratitude to me. From Mrs. Yan's mouth, Yan Fang's, and Yan Zheng's mouths, I learned something about Yan Qiao before his death.Six years before Yan Qiao's death, he had escaped into the realm of converting to religion, and he never talked about many things in the world.He converted to Tantric Buddhism, and there are a lot of Buddha statues and magic instruments in his house, and he spends all day here.His master was a teacher called Qu Yingguang.I laughed.Mrs. Yan asked me why I was laughing, and I said that you don't know who Qu Yingguang is, but I do know who he is.He was a great warlord in the early years of the Republic of China, a great warlord who laid down his butcher knife!They were shocked when they heard this.After Qu Yingguang learned Buddhism at an old age, he became a man of Taoism. Yan Qiao believed in him very much. In order to prevent him from being blinded and unable to read clearly, he especially wrote big and thick characters, and wrote to Qu Yingguang endlessly.I visited Yan Qiao's relics, saw these Buddha statues, magic tools, and these obsessive letters and other documents, and I was amazed by them.Yan Qiao said that he "searched continuously for more than 20 years" before he achieved liberation. In fact, he was wrong. He didn't have real liberation because he "searched for more than 20 years". In the end, what replaced him was only the older metaphysics That's all.Just like many idealists in foreign countries who are far from the belief of the Communist Party, what they finally converted was not independence, but the Virgin Mary and God. ——They are never their own masters. Frost and suffering have knocked them down, and they have to hug each other! Unfortunately, Yan Qiao's last Buddhist feet were also fake.Yan Qiao's father, Yan Hu, died in mainland China on September 22, 1962.Fifteen years before his death (September 2, 1947), he wrote to Yan Qiao’s younger brother Yan Xi, saying: True Buddhism is quite brilliant. ... However, Buddhists in China are very mediocre in nine out of ten cases. It is a pity that many evil gods and wild ghosts have been attracted by the name of "broad".The Diamond Sutra says: Buddha has no definite dharma to say, and those who have no definite dharma have no prejudice against idols.It is also said: "The heart is born without a place to live." If you have no place to live, you will not be imprisoned by all laws, and you will naturally progress day by day.However, there is no prejudice, no place to live, no head, no brain, and no ideas. Where is the Buddha's head?In wisdom, it is called Vajra Prajna Paramita. It is said that wisdom is like Vajra, which can destroy all ignorance and troubles, and make people go to the other shore.Therefore, to be a Buddhist and not to seek wisdom, but to pay homage, burn incense, and pray is a big sinner of Buddhism, and a non-Buddhist.Even if you believe in disregarding your life, you are not a Buddhist.It's just a cult. Buddhism does not worship idols. The Diamond Sutra says: "If you see me with color and ask me with sound, you are walking in an evil way and cannot see the Tathagata." You are a Buddhist, why do you walk in an evil way.Pity! Poor Yan Qiao, he converted to Buddhism in the later years of his life, but he also converted to the wrong one.He has worked so hard to become a Buddhist, but unfortunately he has mistakenly believed in a cult!Of course, Yan Qiao never thinks that he has gone the wrong way, on the contrary, he thinks that he has successfully groped to the other side in the middle of the night and in loneliness.Wisdom is like a diamond. Years of torture have broken Yan Qiao's diamond. Unfortunately, he is old, tired and ignorant.At the age of fifty-five (July 31, 1974), he died of heart and lung failure.Thinking back to the year when he was born, his grandfather Yan Fu wrote excitedly a poem in hopes of this eldest grandson, telling him: Shenzhou must be healthy, Don't stop at Dawumen. and told him: Zhendan Fang Shenlu When will the suspension be resolved? Peace is like an elephant, Don't forget to tell Chongquan. However, fifty-five years have passed, and in Yan Qiao's mourning hall, there is the horizontal arms of his wife's great-uncle Lin Boshou—"Sorrowful House Prime Minister"!Poor Yan Qiao, he was born to not only make our family great, but he died with a sad appearance. Xing Yan, the biography of Li Hun in "Book of Northern Qi", praised Li Hui, saying: "If you look at the clouds and mists, you can see pearls and jade. The appearance of the house is amazing, and this nephew is good." Yan Qiao, Yan Qiao, he was pulled by capitalists like this, really want I can't rest in peace! After watching Yan Qiao's life, I always regret that he failed to return to his homeland and realize his ambitions.Yan Qiaobao is even more troubled. In his later years, the oil is exhausted and the lights are exhausted. He sees through the red dust, and even the gods are wiped out.In the struggle between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party, such an immortal talent was sacrificed in this way! I always feel that the Yan family is the best family biography in modern Chinese history.The first generation of Yan Fu, who was in the midst of the continuous imperial system, was determined to introduce new trends, but his aspirations were gone; the second generation of Yan Hu, who was in the transition from old to new, was determined to enrich the country and strengthen the army, and his family was ruined; The struggle between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party, aiming at the great cause of the founding of the country, was scrapped by himself; the fourth generation is strict, when the Kuomintang takes control of Taiwan, and aims to take command of the economy, he has devoted himself to being a white-collar worker.Isn't the cross-section of Yan's family biography the epitome of modern Chinese history?Yan Qiao was born at the wrong time, died at the wrong place, and his voice and appearance are all in my heart. The cross-section relationship between his life and modern Chinese history is by no means his own selfishness. 17th), wrote "My Most Unforgettable Teacher" to commemorate him.Three years later, this article was reprinted by the magazine "Shuaihua Heroes" in Mainland China. I finally said: It's not only hurting the dead, but also thinking about it.Master Yan's heroic spirit is not lost, and he will return to his homeland with his soul on the day when there is a phenomenon in Taiping, as a warning from the spring.The patriots of the previous generation will live forever. Although they sacrificed themselves to eliminate the reactionary regime, China has stood up after all. Gu Zhenfu's two million Taiwan dollars has made a big difference to me. In addition to giving one-twentieth to Mrs. Yan and one-twentieth to my younger brother, I bought a small shop on Dongfeng Street with the remaining money. The storefront, and later caught up with the real estate boom, doubled my capital, and the income from the "literary industry" made me economically invincible ever since. ——"Getting rich" in the world can be done by accident, and it can be so complicated and intertwined from time to time that it is too bizarre to imagine. When I was just released from prison, I couldn’t afford the 62-square-meter Jinlan Building on Dunhua South Road. I fell in love with the newly built 37-square-meter Jinji Global Building next to it. I went to sign a contract and met Li Mingjin. She was a university student Just graduated, bright and cute, with a good figure, which moved my heart, but unfortunately I had a very good boyfriend at the time.Four and a half years later, I ran into her on Zhongxiao East Road, and met her at a western restaurant to "reminisce about the old days". I wrote to her the next day: Last night by candlelight, I heard you say that you were happy four times, but I didn't think so. I thought you were a problem child who wasted his youth and always wanted to get 100 points in the test.If you don't stop this "Song of Lights" outlook on life, your end will be very miserable, so miserable that it will be useless to remove the moles!But no matter how miserable, you will always be as stunning as you were last night. Later, Li Mingjin hosted a TV show. As usual, I have always felt sorry for her.Because of the mishandling of the parking space in Jinji Universal Building, I wrote to protest. They begged my old acquaintance Li Changyi to come forward to solve it. Finally, they bought some calligraphy and painting in my collection for 200,000 yuan, and the two parties terminated the contract.Later, the construction industry specifically stipulated the ownership of the rights in the parking space, and it was widely rumored in the market that this was the "Li Ao Clause". Because of the good memories of Xiaolei, I have a special affection for Mingchuan girls.After I was released from prison, I watched them finish class near Mingchuan, and suddenly a female student came to me. She was cute, bright, and delicate, and there was an air of glamor in it.Her name is He Taiying. I send her a book I wrote every month, but she keeps rejecting me.It wasn't until after I divorced Hu Yinmeng that she and I had a candlelight date at the Grand Hotel, and we chatted in the bar again.That was the first and last time she and I met.Later she also went abroad. This girl's "Yuxin" is the little girl I went on an outing with after I was released from prison. She was pure and beautiful, and I kissed her goodbye.Later she also went abroad. When I helped Xiao Mengneng resolve the crystal building dispute, I met Liu Huiyun, the secretary of his son-in-law Zhou Qixin.Huiyun is petite and cute. She graduated from the Department of Foreign Languages ​​and Literature at National Taiwan University. She is the most capable and unrepentant girlfriend in my life. We lived together until Hu Yinmeng appeared.After divorcing Hu Yinmeng, I wrote a letter to Huiyun on December 5, 1984. There are several paragraphs that best express my state of mind: I saw you leaving in tears at the airport on the 20th. On the way home, what I thought about was "North African Spy". ... "North African Spy" is a movie after all, so a miracle happened in the end.至于台北，是一个没有奇迹的地方，所以so for so“bad”——我仍跟“德国人”在一起。 “德国人”当天下午就到市面查扣“千秋”三十八，这期显然拆穿了“德国人”建党九十年的谎话，而被他们痛恨。这几天他们整天庆祝建党九十年，报纸、电视上一片马屁，我真觉得我是这一片马屁中唯一一个真人，我敢于并能够独立苍茫独自一人挺身与“德国人”斗，我在这里，也准备凶多吉少，死在这里。宋朝梅尧臣写《东溪》诗，说：“情虽不厌住不得，薄暮归来车马疲。”我在这里，却“情虽已厌住下去，薄暮下笔不知疲”。我在这里，至少表示了三点意义： 第一，我树了一个大丈夫、男子汉的伟大榜样。 第二，我拆穿了国民党，并使国民党在言论上对我全无还手之力。 第三，我为人类与台湾前途，提供睿智的导向。我完全不知道我能这样做多少、做多久，但我随时准备被暗杀、被下狱，丝毫不以为异，“视死如归，临凶若吉”（虽然凶多吉少，但是临凶若吉，吉也不少），此心之光明、达观、从容，可谓“汉唐以来所未有”。唯一“若有憾焉”的倒是自己的努力，最后“没世而名不称焉”，我9月6日对罗小如说： 在这种局面下，我们做的一切努力，都会因国民党在世上无立足之地而连累得也无立足之地，——台湾变小了，你也跟着变小了。我们牢也没少坐、刑也没少受、罪也没少遭，可是声名成绩却不如苏联的人权斗士，也不如韩国的，也不如菲律宾的，这都是因为同国民党“与子偕小”的缘故。但是，“与子偕小”还是走运的呢，搞不好还要“与子偕亡”呢！古代的爱难者，他们虽然“流泪撒种”，但是可以“欢呼收割”；现代的受难者，最大的痛苦是撒种固须流泪，收割也须流泪，因为你所得的往往是镜花水月。虽然如此，志士仁人却绝不怀忧丧志，仍旧以朝行道夕可死的精神，走一步算一步、打一局算一局。十七年前，我翻译劳伦斯的文字，我真的喜欢这一段； 苦难当前，我们正置身废墟之中。在废墟中，我们开始盖一些小建筑、寄一些小希望。这当然是一件困难的工作，但已没有更好的路通向未来了。我们要迂回前进，要爬过层层障碍，不管天翻也好，地覆也罢，我们还是要活。 在国民党的“废墟”中，我年复一年，不断地要盖“小建筑”、寄“小希望”，造次必于是、颠沛必于是、坐牢必于是、出狱必于是，我已学会收割时绝不流泪，因为我未尝不知道镜花水月总成空，但空又何妨，我们是男子汉啊！ 虽然这里与我的关系，到头来不过如此，但我在万里长空、且做[希腊]左巴舞的时候，总也想到人间毕竟该有“行者”与“死者”的布局，羊角哀与左伯桃、公孙作自与程婴……以至《北非谍影》中的乱世男女，无一不是“古仁人之心”所该留意的。“古仁人之心”的特色是“不以物喜，不以己悲”，但并不忘了带给别人“物喜”、成全别人的安全和快乐。我小时候看隋唐故事，看到隋唐好汉一身力托城门门洞的千斤闸，让人逃出，自己却被压死，我至今难忘。人间毕竟该有它的“去留肝胆两昆仑”的复杂意义，不但有这种复杂意义，并且在表达这种意义时，所用方式是“我自横刀向天笑”式的，是一种既勇者又达者的从容（甚至不妨伴同一点喜剧性的玩笑）。到了这一段数，才是人生的'极高明'的境界。 这是我一生中最能表白心迹与处境的信，我写给了会云。会云跟我度过我一生中最长的隐居时期，知我最深、护我最力，有一段时间我一连五个半月不下楼，都是会云照顾我，她真是了不起的女人。 从我出狱到隐居，已近两年半了，“蛰龙三冬卧，老鹤万里心”。“三冬”将尽，“万里”方来，在这成熟的复出时刻，一个最有眼光的出版家三顾大楼找到了我，他就是远景出版社的沈登恩。沈登恩判断：李敖基本上是一位伟大的文人，虽然历经“告别文坛”、坐牢、隐居等过程，但总有一天会回来，当这一天到来的时候，远景一定要占住先机。因此他一再向我试探，一顾两顾我都不顾，直到他三顾前来，我才决定见他。见他之日我拿出他中学时写给我的仰慕信给他看，他大为震撼：“李先生的记忆与细密竟如此惊人！”格于政治考虑，当时沈登恩提出构想，只是重版我那两本当年未被查禁的书——《胡适研究》和《胡适评传》，我告诉他：“李敖十四年被封锁，如今重返江湖，只出版两本出过的书，未免太寒酸了，总该出一本台湾没发表过的。我在受难期间，在香港出版过一本《借古不讽今》，如加以增补，改名出版也不错。”沈登恩是在出版界反应一流的人，他立刻赞成，于是我们便秘密筹划出版。沈登恩找来苏宗显为我秘密拍照、再由黄金钟设计封面、梁正居封面摄影，井请我在扉页来段题辞，我写道： 五十年来和五百年内， 中国人写白话文的前三 名是李敖，李敖，李敖， 嘴巴上骂我吹牛的人， 心里都为我供了牌位。 ——李敖 沈登恩又请我写篇全书简介，我写道： 《纽约时报》说李敖——“受人欢迎的青年作家”，“以写讽世文章出名”，“当地标准下的一个野人”；《圣路易邮讯报》说李敖——“中国传统的著名批评家”；伦敦《中国季刊》说李敖——“一个得人心的英雄”；香港《星岛日报》说李敖——“有才气有勇气，还有挟才勇俱来的流气”，“四十一岁了，盼他重新执起笔来。” 李敖自写闯祸起，被追诉多年，一直翻不了身，这本，是书名翻身，不是他。李敖大隐于市，常常几个月不下楼，神龙首尾皆不见。这本重新执笔的新书，聊可如见其人，并为仇者所痛，亲者所快。 远景过去没有李敖，李敖过去没有远景，现在，都有了。 同时我为《胡适研究》、《胡适评传》也写了简介： 罗丹为萧伯纳塑像，结果塑像本身比萧伯纳还动人；李敖写《胡适评传》、《胡适研究》，也正如此。胡适对李敖说：“你简直比我胡适之还了解胡适之！”李敖了解胡适，并把胡适分色，泼墨出一代风云。 所以，评传不是胡适个人的评传，研究不是胡适个人的研究，而是时代的评传与研究。李敖不单写出胡适曾怎么样，同时写出胡适该怎么样，不但写出胡适的理想，同时写出理想的胡适。 胡适已经墓草久宿，但理想的胡适却万年长青，他是 “中国”知识分子的星火，从黑暗照到黎明。 沈登恩最欣赏我写的广告文字，广告文字必须浓缩而奔放，我在这方面得心应手，可谓千古独步。 沈登恩不但是一流的出版家，并且是一流的李敖推销家。他在出书前夜，找到《中国时报》副刊版的主编高信疆，秘密透露他为李敖出书，明日上市。高信疆的大哥信郑是我老友，这小弟弟对我慕名久矣，他见地过人、反应极快，立刻请沈登恩延后一天发书，使他有机会说动“余老板'（余纪忠）。最后，在“余老板”的默许下，在出书之日，也就是上报之时，《中国时报》不但副刊版大幅刊出我的《快看〈独白下的传统〉》，并且由周天瑞派出王健壮和金惟纯两位采访我，在1979年6月6日社会版刊出《李敖变了吗？看他怎么说！》这是台湾报纸第一次图文并茂地大胆写出李敖。从此文坛奔相走告：李敖复出了！而我出狱后两年七个月的隐居，自此告一段落。