Chapter 6 4 Taichung (1949-1954, 14 to 19 years old)

On the evening of May 12, 1949, I lay on the deck of the refugee ship Zhongxing and arrived in Taiwan.Dad's old friend Zhang Songhan came to pick us up from the Keelung Wharf. He took an overnight train to Taichung that night and arrived in the middle of the night. In the heavy rain, he took a rickshaw and went straight to Zhang's house in Mofan West Lane, Western District.After dawn, Zhang Songhan's sons Zhang Renlong, Zhang Renyuan and Zhang Renning tried to walk in wooden clogs, and they walked crookedly.At that time, Taichung was poor and simple. It was rare for Taiwanese to have leather shoes, and the streets were full of Japanese clogs.

After spending three units and two gold, we bought the Japanese-style house at No. 72, Yunlongli, Mofan West Lane.Dad wrote in his diary: May 25 1.Live the life of the field every day, hoe and buy vegetables every day, if there is no economic oppression, it will also be a paradise in troubled times. May 29 6. Buy a straw hat (top) for each Lin (Wang Zheng). Xiaoba sees different ideas and thinks about it. He wants to cry, but he also buys one. Xiaoliu wants to want it but dare not speak. ) If there is a balance after that, I should buy another one. If there are more people and less food, I can’t afford it.

In addition, in the account book, there is such a record of Dad: May 7 It was sold for 1.572 taels (gold), the ticket was 412,650 yuan, and the expenses were 50 million yuan. May 12 In Shanghai, there are nearly 6.5 liang of houses (outlet houses), and 1 liang of miscellaneous items. 1.Leave one or two to the sixth brother. 2. Two and a half tickets. 3.Four or two in the top room (top into the house). May 12 - June 1 A total of half tael is spent, and the calculation is as follows: 1.Two bags of white flour 2. Fifty catties of white rice 3.Ten catties of miscellaneous grains

4.fifty catties of charcoal A total of 3.5 million Taiwan dollars (old Taiwan dollars) alloy coins.From then on, starting from June 1st, the monthly payment will be 80,000 yuan. In January, it will be calculated on the basis of one cent and five cents of gold. The principle of daily rice noodles and fuel should not exceed three cents and three cents. If you find small things, it will be even more unexpected, how much you can afford and extend! It can be seen that when I came to Taiwan, my family of nine was in a difficult situation.The most notable thing is that when he arrived in Taiwan, he still had to "accumulate" flour, white rice, miscellaneous grains, and charcoal. This sense of insecurity was enough to mirror that of when he was in exile in Shanghai.The "accumulation" figures in Shanghai in early 1948 were:

1.Mi Jiu packs strong...enough for a year 2.Nine sachets of noodles... enough to apply for four and a half months 3.40 catties of soybean oil... Enough to apply for four months 4.Thirty catties of lard... enough to apply for three months 5.Five barrels of kerosene... enough for five months 6.Thirty catties of soy sauce... enough for three months 7.One thousand catties of briquettes... enough for four months 8.Two hundred catties of charcoal...enough for four months 9.Six hundred catties of firewood... enough for two months 10.Three catties of salt... Enough to apply for a month

On average, the rice noodle can be used for one year Firewood is enough for a year Cooking oil is enough for half a year Compared with the period of exile in Shanghai, the "accumulation" in Taiwan is really insignificant.Here's a snippet from his diary: June 1 1.Implement an eight-hour reading plan. 2. Implement a daily plan of 80,000 yuan (old Taiwan dollars). June 2 2.I went to Chenggong Road to sell gold zero 832, and got a total of 1,328,000 yuan. 3. Buy a straw hat (original note: Xiaoliu's). June 3 3.Buy 140 catties of firewood, the price is 100,000, Taiwan's prices are also rising.

June 4 1.Buying vegetables in the rain has not exceeded the budget from today. 2.The purchase of rice was blocked due to rain, and I will receive it tomorrow. June 5 1.Receive ten catties of rice and one hundred catties of charcoal. June 15 1.If you sell a little gold and keep it for a few days, things will become more expensive and money will become cheaper. The situation is getting worse day by day! 2.There is a letter from Weng Zhen. June 17 1.Letter to Molin and Wengzhen, seeking to live as a middle school teacher. 2.I went to the city government to pay the household registration donation. After many investigations, I found out that I was unemployed and poor, and I was allowed to collect the minimum amount, 26,000 yuan for half a year.

3. Go to Song Han to sit for a while, discussing for a long time about livelihood issues. June 18 1.The first anniversary of my grandma's death, time changes, things change, people change, it's a pity! 2.For grandma's anniversary, I bought a few sacrifices and spent nearly 300,000 yuan. 3.The Taiwan New Currency System (TWD) begins. June 26 3.Letter to Molin, send a resume. Mo Lin is Wang Molin, a classmate of my father's Chinese Department at Peking University. He was a "legislator" at the time. With his help, my father finally found a job - a Chinese language teacher in Taichung.It just so happened that I was a first-year student in Shanghai Jigui Middle School, and I skipped a class and was admitted to Taichung No. 1 Middle School and Taichung No. 2 Middle School.Taichung No. 1 Middle School is good, so I went to No. 1 Middle School.Suddenly, I entered the second grade of junior high school.At that time, there were Classes A, B, C, Ding E, and Ji on the second day of junior high school, and I was assigned to class A in the second year of junior high school.

At that time, the principal of Taichung No. 1 Middle School was Jin Shurong, nicknamed "Golden Turtle", from Linsen, Fujian Province. He was 46 years old. He joined No. 1 Middle School on December 1, 1945. , people also have domineering.At that time, the number of teachers in the No. 1 Middle School was flourishing, and many of them had just escaped from the mainland and came to Taiwan.For example, teacher Cheng Dongbai, forty-five years old, from Kaiyuan, Northern Liaoning, graduated from Meiji University, Japan with a Bachelor of Laws, and has experience as the director of the Education Department of Northern Liaoning Province, but in No. 1 Middle School, he can only be a night teacher!Like teachers Guo Daming and Du Bunren, who were diplomats, they also condescend to nobility and mix with poor teachers.At that time, my father was 51 years old. Besides Mr. Yu Youjian, who was 58 years old, and Mr. Chen Chun, who was 53 years old, he was the oldest. Mr. Xu Wenkui, who is nicknamed "Stone" from the province, was also 51 years old. Chubby, very cute.Except for the few teachers in the "old gray class", most of the other teachers are young people in their 20s and 30s. Teacher Weng Shuobai is 29 years old and teaches Chinese; Teacher Yang Jinzhong is 31 years old and teaches me English.She is from Baoshan, Jiangsu Province. She graduated from Jinling Women's College of Arts and Sciences and received a master's degree from Michigan. She was nicknamed "USA" because she was studying in the United States. At that time, she was married to Hu Xuguang, an officer of the Air Force.Later, she became popular, took office with Hu Xuguang, and became the wife of the deputy representative of the Kuomintang in the United States. She died in the United States when she was sixty-five years old (1983).Yang Jinzhong was very strong at the time, and he was very outstanding among the teachers.At that time, her family was better off than ordinary exiles from other provinces in Taiwan, and she could afford a servant—a maid.She said that her daughter was most afraid of buying beef. Every time she went to the vegetable market to buy beef, she stretched out her hand and held it with her thumb and index finger from a distance.At that time, it was not popular for Taiwanese to eat beef. There was only one beef shop in Taichung. Weirkang Steak House" caught fire, and even burned people into "human steaks"!Just in the habit of eating beef, we can see the great influence that the people from other provinces have brought to the Taiwanese.

Studying in No. 1 Middle School, I set off with my father every day, walking from the West District of Taichung to the North District, and ate bento at school at noon.Since we have never seen a bento box, we bought a set of round lunch boxes with multiple layers.On the first day of class, I carried a schoolbag and carried a monster with multiple layers into the classroom, which made the whole class laugh, saying that "Ashan" (referring to people from other provinces, which means ridicule) turned out to be a rice bucket, otherwise how would I eat it? So much. At that time, I saw that my classmate’s bento was just a small rectangular box with all the meals in it. On the other hand, my monster with multiple layers up and down was like eating a banquet or a big meal, and I was embarrassed by it.I quickly changed it the next day, and I followed the crowd.

After I entered No. 1 Middle School, my class had to go hiking during the spring break. Since I had heard about Sun Moon Lake in mainland China, I proposed to go to Sun Moon Lake, and the whole class unanimously approved it.When I got home, I reached out to my father. My father said: "Our family gets up early to brush our teeth. We can't afford tooth powder, let alone toothpaste. We can only use salt water to brush our teeth. How can we go to Sun Moon Lake?" Sun Moon Lake at home. In the second year of junior high school, Scout teacher Wang Fulin selected outstanding students to participate in the Scout Conference in the Philippines. He found me and asked me to submit a photo with a scout cap on his head. Old photo, with a brush to draw a hat cross.Unexpectedly, when the painting is finished, it looks like wearing a hat to take X-rays when viewed vertically. The head inside the hat repulses and keeps showing outwards, fighting with the hat.The more I saw it, the less I dared to send it in person, so I begged the class leader Chen Zhengcheng (later the head of the Department of Economics of National Taiwan University, and an economist who lectured in Japan) to deliver it on his behalf.As a result, Zhengcheng and my modern paintings were all rejected by the teacher.The teacher said that he had never seen such a picture in his life.So, others are in the Philippines, and I am in the Philippines at home. Poor stories like these show that my family came to Taiwan. Although my father found a job, he was unable to make ends meet and his life was still poor.One of the reasons for the poverty is that my father had to be treated for chronic asthma and my mother had surgery, etc. The little gold brought from the mainland has been sold out, and the only model house in West Lane had to be sold.Taichung No. 1 Middle School finally allocated half of our dormitory, which was half of the Japanese wooden house at No. 13, Licunde Lane, New Taipei City. It was only eight tatami mats in size, plus two small entrances at the front and back. Our family of nine lived in it, and it was extremely crowded. think.Later, because he couldn't pay his salary for a long time, Lao Wu transferred to the "legislator" Yan Menghua's house to help, and we were lucky to transfer to the other half of the wooden house, so we felt a little more relaxed.The other half is more than ten tatami mats, and the toilet is not in the yard but in the house, which is more decent (the original half was moved to the music teacher Zheng Jiamiao's family).My family lived in No. 13 Cunde Lane for thirteen years. This old house spanned my middle school days and was full of poverty and gloom.But I am luckier than the whole family. I was divided into two tatami spaces, separated, which is my own independent world. In this small world, I have a table, a chair, four walls and books, and grow rapidly.Hard writing has laid the foundation for me to excel in knowledge and thought. Taichung No. 1 Middle School is not like Taichung No. 2 Middle School. It is a school with a large number of people from the province. Whenever something happened, my Taiwanese classmates would push me to do it.A school-wide cooking competition, my classmates recommended me and three Taiwanese classmates Chen Zhengcheng, Zhao Tianyi, and Zhang Yuhong to participate (maybe it’s not the three of them, I don’t remember exactly), I declared that I don’t know how to cook at all, but the classmates couldn’t help but say, Deadlift duck hits the shelves.It seems that I cooked a plate of duck that day. It seems that I was the chef. I accidentally cooked it. The whole dish was as black as rice crackers. If I cooked another duck, the time was not allowed, so I had to bite the bullet and send it to the front of the table. to the judging teacher.Seeing such a black dish, no one, regardless of mainland or Taiwanese, had the courage to serve it up, so under negotiation, the four of them held a corner of the plate and served it together, causing the judges to roar with laughter.Of course, they didn't dare to eat chopsticks. It was the only cooking competition in history where the judges decided without even tasting it. After I was promoted to the first grade in the third year of junior high school, the Chinese teacher was 27-year-old Yang Jinquan (whose name is very similar to the English teacher Yang Jinzhong, but he is a man, and he is from Fujian) who also served as a tutor.He is a Chinese teacher who can inspire students most. He graduated from Haijiang School in Taiwan. Although his academic qualifications are not very good, he is really good at teaching books.He was also the director of affairs at that time, and he could "hand in hand" supply us with stencils, white newspapers, ink, etc., and encouraged us to run the "Junior Grade 3 Newspaper". So the class leader Chen Zhengcheng was the publisher, and I was the editor-in-chief. Zhao Tianyi (who was expelled from the teaching position of National Taiwan University during the "National Taiwan University Philosophy Department Incident", is a good person, but unfortunately became a poet) wrote steel plates, and it started.Once, because they criticized the high class students, they asked them to punish them.It can be seen that I, Li Ao, run a publication, Jia Fu, and I have my own reasons! Because my Chinese was excellent in the class, I was naturally treated differently by Mr. Yang Jinquan.Once I wrote a composition, when it came to Chinese proficiency, I wrote: "Now the Chinese proficiency of students is twice as bad as in the past." Say what.Thirty-six years later, when he retired, I asked Shi Wenjie to give him my book as a token of my respect for the teacher.By the way, please ask Shi Wenjie to tell him: "In the novel of Austin Pride and Prejudice, there is a usage of who is twice as beautiful as the other." Forty-six years later, I mentioned him in the TV program "Li Ao Xiaoao Jianghu", Praise him, he knew it when he immigrated to the United States, and gave me a set of big books that he had just completed in 20 years - "Shuowen Image Word Reconstruction", I was surprised, he is so diligent and has such achievements, he is really superior .He wrote to me and said: "My brother is famous all over the world, but he is so nostalgic. I am deeply moved!" I haven't seen Mr. Yang Jinquan for more than 40 years, but the friendship between teachers and students is endless; If it is not bad, its friend is also a gentleman. From the second year of junior high school to the first year of high school, from the age of fourteen to the age of sixteen, because of my good Chinese, I participated in many speeches, debates, and essay competitions.In the second year of junior high school, I won the 4th Taichung City Language Speech Contest, and won the second place in the junior high school group (the first place was Sijie, who represented the Provincial Taichung Girls' High School; the third place was Zhang Ligang, who represented Taichung No. 2 Middle School. Zhang Ligang’s elder brother Zhang Liyu later became my fourth brother-in-law, and Zhang Ligang also became an academician-level scholar).In his freshman year of high school, he participated in the Taichung City Essay Competition and our school Essay Competition, and won first place in both.In the second year of high school, he published "Cooperative System and Controlling Capital" in the twelfth issue of the second volume of "Cooperative Economy". This was written to participate in the 30th International Cooperation Festival. A sum of money.I used that money to buy 40 volumes of "Ice Drinking Room Collection" published by Zhonghua Book Company. In addition to participating in various competitions, I also wrote four volumes of "Li Ao's Notes" in the first year of high school; and published "Dewey's Educational Thoughts and Others" in the forty-sixth issue of "Student" magazine; published "< "The Enlightenment of Returning from England", "Life has a limit and knowledge has no limit"; in addition, he wrote "The Purpose of Learning English", "Zhuge Liang's Military Administration", "Couples of Imaginary Characters", "Couples of Font Shapes", "Don't Forget in Ju The source of ", " Luggage Kao " and other manuscripts.I was sixteen at the time. In 1953, I was eighteen years old and a senior in high school. After only ten days of study, I voluntarily suspended school and stayed at home.My old man who graduated from Peking University, he said casually, "Okay! If you want to suspend school, just suspend!" He was the director of the Chinese Department of Taichung No. 1 Middle School at the time. : "My precious son doesn't want to go to school! You can suspend him from school!" So, I squatted at home, in the two tatami-sized study and bedroom surrounded by books, and lived happily for a year. Awe-inspiring spirit.He also wrote many articles, including "From Reading "Hu Shi's Wencun"" and "Li Ao's Poetry Collection".I have such a good writing ability, which has something to do with the habit of paying attention to extracurricular books and the habit of buying and collecting books since I was a child.When I arrived in Taiwan, my entire property was a collection of more than 500 books. After entering Taichung No. 1 Middle School, I spent most of my time in the middle school library.This library has quite a rich collection of books. I spent four years in the library as a voluntary waiter, which gave me a lot of common sense about general books.What amazed the administrators the most was that I could even close my eyes and use my nose alone to identify which bookstore in Shanghai printed a book. This is my most proud feat. In the standard education, I grew up slowly, and I gradually became intolerable to the middle school education.As far as the objective environment is concerned, I always feel that the middle school education I have experienced cannot catch up with the residual memories of my time in Beijing.In my residual memory, I think middle school students in Beijing are not as dull and superficial as Taiwan, lacking common sense and spirituality; in terms of subjective feelings, the more extracurricular books I read, the more I feel that middle school education is not suitable for the personality development of ordinary teenagers. Not to mention students with higher IQs.The education system, teaching methods, teachers, course assignments, etc. of middle school all have serious flaws and abuses. The 4,000-word essay I wrote in my freshman year——"Dewey's Educational Thoughts and Others" shows that I I used to have a very strong longing for Dewey's "progressive education". This kind of longing made me very painful in the middle school with strong contrast. In the third year of high school, I couldn't bear it at all, and I was determined not to get this middle school diploma.So I automatically dropped out of school. I read all kinds of books in Taichung No. 1 Middle School, but in terms of thinking, it was after reading a lot of books and struggling to learn and change.The scope of ideological stereotypes is multifaceted, including left and right issues, Chinese and Western issues, and old and new issues. ... These multifaceted problems are the great confusion of every Chinese intellectual. Due to poor level and political interference, the vast majority of Chinese intellectuals have failed. correct judgment.In this regard, I am a very clear exception, but on these issues, I have also had a period of learning and change. The most obvious during this period was in junior high school. type.In the process of struggling to learn and seek change, one of the most important figures once "approached" me, but was finally "get rid of" by me. This figure was Qian Mu.I knew Qian Mu when I was in elementary school. Shanghai Kaiming Bookstore published "Kaiming Literature and History Series", which included "Mencius Research", which was the first work I knew of Qian Mu.After arriving in Taiwan, due to the Kuomintang’s rule of thought and control of books and periodicals, old books of the progressive and leftists were banned, and I could not read a single new book. I spent a lot of time studying classics. Qian Mu’s works naturally became my favorite. Partial reading. At that time, the Communist Party criticized scholars who fled from them. There were two types, one was the "Hu Shi type" and the other was the "Qian Mu type".I paid attention to both of them separately.But Hu Shi was far away in the United States, but Qian Mu went to Taichung, Taiwan by accident, so I got to know him first.The reason for getting acquainted is due to my classmate Xu Wujun.Xu Wujun is nicknamed "Japanese Monk" because his father studied in Japan, so he got this title.Xu Wujun was a bit privileged in Taichung No. 1 Middle School, because he came and went, went and came again.It was only later that I found out that his father was Xu Fuguan, who first came to Taiwan with his family, but later felt that the situation in Taiwan was dangerous, and the whole family moved to Hong Kong.After the Korean War, the U.S. Seventh Fleet assisted in the defense of Taiwan. Taiwan was no longer in danger, and the family moved back to Taiwan.Xu Wujun lives in a one-story single-family bungalow in Taichung City. He is very elegant. I have been there many times, but I have never seen Xu Fuguan (although ten years later, I have a big pen fight and a lawsuit with him). There are a lot of books, and there is a calligraphy on the wall that says: "The books on the shelf are not for loan." I still remember it vividly. In 1952, Qian Mu was invited by Ju Haoran, the principal of Tamkang College of Education (the predecessor of Tamkang University), to give a lecture in the Shocking Hall. Unexpectedly, the ceiling suddenly fell and Qian Mu was injured.At that time, Xu Fuguan wanted to gain a foothold in academia, so he wooed Qian Mu and sent him to Xufu in Taichung to recuperate from his injuries.Later, it was changed to No. 1 Cunde Lane.Xu Wujun is my good friend. He was influenced by Xu Fuguan and knew a lot of knowledge outside of textbooks, so we got along very well.He said, Li Ao is so good, I want to take you to meet someone, I asked who it was, he said it was Qian Mu, I was very happy to hear that.Soon, he made an appointment with Qian Mu. On June 15, 1952, Xu Wujun took me into No. 1 Cunde Lane and met Qian Mu.Qian Mu was wearing a small poplin gown. He was very small and spoke a Wuxi dialect. At first glance, his appearance did not quite match his reputation, which made me wonder if the person in front of me was really Qian Mu.He was very kind, and he had no airs with us two high school sophomores, and we chatted.I asked him for advice on how to govern the country.He said that there is no specific method, but that one should read more books and ask for more answers, based on the original texts of ancient books, so as not to be bound by other people's prejudices.Books should be top-notch, read over and over again.It is better to read one book ten times than to read ten books once.Don't be afraid of reading big books, if you develop the habit of reading big books, you won't be afraid of ordinary books.When reading, you should be dignified, meditate, and be able to meditate and concentrate. You can read in any noisy place, otherwise, it is tantamount to reading in vain.It is best to choose a book that has a history of more than two or three hundred years. This kind of book has not been eliminated after two or three hundred years and must be valuable, but new books are not.Whether the new book is worthwhile remains to be tested. When I went to see Qian Mu, I held the second volume of my "Li Ao's Notes" in my hand. Qian Mu took it, flipped through it, and saw the first volume I wrote, "Liang Rengong Shangnan Pi Zhang Shangshu", he was very surprised and asked I told Liang Qichao the source of this letter.This incident made me feel two things. First, he was not ashamed to ask, and he really had the demeanor of "knowing what you know, and knowing what you don't know", which I admire; second, he didn't know the source of this letter. The breadth of it makes me suspicious. Qian Mu finished flipping through my notes, and while complimenting me, he turned his head and said gently to Xu Wujun, "You are not as good as him." I wondered that Qian Mu taught Xu Wujun face to face like this, maybe because he lived in Xu's residence and knew Xu Wujun very well. . Before leaving, Qian Mu asked me to visit him again.At that time, my family lived in the dormitory of Taichung No. 1 Middle School at No. 13, Cunde Lane. I passed by his door every day. It was very convenient to see him, but I didn't go there again.Later he returned to Hong Kong.I wrote him a letter the following year (April 14, 1953), expressing my gratitude to him and asking him to "teach me".I also asked him two questions: The first forty-four pages say: "The fourth forbidden land is Xinjiang. Because the soil is fertile and has not yet been opened up, they want to reserve it as a place for the Manchurians to live and eat. They hope that the Manchurians will go there, so the Chinese are not allowed to go there until Zuo Zong After the rebellion was pacified in Tang, the ban began to be relaxed, so that Han people could go to Xinjiang casually." This time, the historical facts, on the second page of Mr. Luo Xianglin's senior high school history of the country, there is the following statement, "First, Min Ning, the ruler of the Qing Dynasty, After ascending the throne, he changed to Yuan Daoguang, and he had the ambition to govern. After calming the chaos in Huijiang, he accepted the general's long-term proposal in the 11th year of Daoguang, and used the idle land of the "four western cities" in Huijiang to recruit people and cultivate them, so as to enrich the soldiers. Piao, when we returned to Xinjiang, we began to implement the method of garrisoning fields, and the Han people moved to their land because of their prosperity." Mr. Luo said that the phrase "General Na's long-term opinion" seems to have some evidence, and the time is very different from what Mr. said. ,Somehow?Furthermore, the eleventh line on the third page of "Outline of National History" says: "The beauty Anderson named this Beijinger", and all his books are "Swedish", why? Half a month later (April 29), I received a reply from Qian Mu, the full text of which is as follows: (The original letter has no punctuation, which was added by me.) Junior Li Ao looks like this: I received a letter yesterday, Zhijun worked hard to learn, keeps pace with the day, can persevere, continue unremittingly, and there will be achievements in the future, gratifying to congratulate.In the matter of learning, the first thing is to have perseverance, and the second is to guard against arrogance, achieve small things, be satisfied with ambition, and stop at the middle way. , to avoid this, you are still young, and at the beginning of learning, so I encourage each other here.It is also a good thing to be able to recite the "Zhuang" book, but "Lun" and "Meng" are especially important, and you must always play around and practice hard.I hope to study "Zhu Zi Ji Zhu" carefully first, and don't think that being able to read it is just a matter of fact.This is a book that scholars should recite for life.Mu recently published "An Interpretation of the Four Books", which was also published in Taipei. It was also included in the National Basic Knowledge Series together with "History of Chinese Thought", and included the old draft "The Analects of Confucius" There are two kinds of "Mencius Studies", which are instructive for beginners to study "On" and "Mencius".Recently, "A New Interpretation of the Analects" has been published in a certain magazine, and it will be mailed regularly in the future.You should know that learning and virtue are actually the same thing. The attainment of learning must be based on the cultivation of virtue and limited by the cultivation of virtue. If you can read the "Academic History of the Nearly Three Hundred Years" carefully, you can learn many ways of doing research.In the two sections inquired, there is also evidence in Luo Shu about the transplantation of Han people in Xinjiang, but the large inflow is later; Anderson is Swedish, and the "History Outline" was a clerical error, and it has not been proofread.In the short term, Fu Yingmu may not be able to come to Taiwan recently, so I look forward to writing from time to time, so as to learn about the progress of Jun's knowledge as soon as possible.In a hurry, ask for progress Qian Muqi Qian Mu's letter was neatly written, which shows the princess' respectful and self-cultivated side.The encouragement in the letter to an eighteen-year-old young man is due to the fact that my eagerness to learn has attracted his attention, and it can also be seen that he has the demeanor of an educator.The letter said that he would "schedule mail" his serialization of "A New Interpretation of Analects" in "a certain magazine", and he kept his promise, and he sent it on time ("a certain magazine" is a Hong Kong magazine), which made me feel even more grateful to him.Ordinarily, based on Qian Mu's appreciation for me and my gratitude to him, ordinary scholars would easily develop towards the route of "becoming Qian Mu's apprentice", but my development was the opposite.In the process of my thinking being finalized, my realm quickly went to the front.With regard to Qian Mu, I finally concluded that he was a reactionary scholar, and he no longer aroused my interest. I admired his simple achievements in classics, but I mostly thought his expansion explanations beyond simple studies were of dubious level.Qian Mu's mind is too pedantic, and pedantic has formed a family of his own. This phenomenon has no inheritance, because Qian Mu's teacher, Lu Simian, has made great progress. The teacher has made progress, and the students have fallen behind. This is really strange! In the third year (1955) after communicating with Qian Mu, I entered the History Department of National Taiwan University.The History Department of National Taiwan University is the site of the "Hu Shi type", and it implicitly excludes the "Qian Mu type".During Hu Shi's lifetime, Qian Mu failed to become an academician of the "Academia Sinica". I always think it is unfair to Qian Mu.Qian Mu's miscellaneous Neo-Confucianism is not enough to talk about, but his simple achievements in classics should be selected as an academician first. Nine years after my correspondence with Qian Mu (1962), I had become a mature fighter.I published "Show People Who Talk about Chinese and Western Cultures" in "Wen Xing", and I began to attack Qian Mu fiercely. This kind of attack has continued. Thirty-four years after our meeting (1986), I also published a text, which made a big statement. I was dissatisfied with him falling into Chiang Kai-shek's arms, so I said: Just look at Qian Mu's "President Chiang Kai-shek's Birthday Celebration Essay", praising Chiang Kai-shek as "one of the most virtuous figures in the history of our country. Inheriting Joan of Arc and living chaste luck, you can see where the heart of heaven belongs, and our country and nation In this era, the great responsibility of the Yuan Dynasty has risen, so it must be won by the Duke."It's gross, it's completely shameless, it's really disappointing that the intellectuals are so reactionary!Recalling that Qian Mu wrote me a letter back then, flaunting the relationship between "knowledge" and "virtue", but now "knowledge" can't prevent the decline of "virtue", I can't help but feel sad for him! I also said: Looking back on my karmic relationship with Qian Mu, I have indeed completed the stage of "Once the eyebrows are formed, it is also me who breaks through". Unfortunately, the older Qian Mu is, the more tightly he "wraps himself" .Now that he is celebrating his 90th birthday, five generations of disciples, crowned and crowned, everyone celebrates, but I don't have any aspirations. I am sorry for Qian Mu. He has the opportunity to become a real "generation of Confucianism", but he has become one. fake. In history, the true "generation of Confucianism" will not fall into the arms of the ruler! Not long before Qian Mu's death, I went to the "Palace Museum" and saw him from a distance. He was already old and struggling to walk.I did not go forward to greet him, but I was always grateful for him. After all, when I was young, he was once my favorite, and he once enthusiastically guided me and helped me. This kind of old-fashioned figure, for people in "modern history" , It's really "ancient history". When I was in Taichung No. 1 Middle School, the most memorable teacher was Yan Qiao.Yan Qiao is a native of Fuzhou, Fujian, and the eldest grandson of Yan Fu.He is thin and tall, with thick hair on his head, and big and energetic eyes.At the age of 31, he came to Taichung No. 1 Middle School in August 1950. He came later than other teachers, but he quickly attracted everyone's interest in him.He has a charming temperament like magic, free and easy, versatile, eloquent, likes to drink, and has a little crazy spirit, which makes people curious and admire him when they see him.Once a high school student was playing football, and the football was kicked outside the field. Yan Qiao happened to pass by.Everyone applauded for it, and he also took the opportunity to join in, kicking it up. At that time, the director of the library of Taichung No. 1 Middle School was teacher Chen Lianzhang, who hosted weekly lectures and invited teachers to give special lectures.Yan Qiao was invited to give a "human story". The most interesting thing was that he talked about "evolution" instead of "Tianyanlun" promoted by his grandfather in his speech. He said that "Tianyan" is inappropriate , which should be translated as "evolution", this spirit of not following the ancestors left a deep impression on me.He once again spoke of "domestic goats", from Caucasus goats.Speaking of Spanish goats, Persian goats, and Himalayan goats, they are so rare that we marvel at the diversity and richness of his knowledge.I didn't know him at that time. He was a teacher in another class, and I was a student in another class. There was a distance between him and me. Here comes 1951, and I'm sixteen.After the summer vacation, I entered the first grade of senior high school.It happened that Yan Qiao taught mathematics, so he officially became the teacher in my class. At this time, I had already developed extremely fast in knowledge, and I was very open-minded, argumentative, and quite arrogant in class.At that time, my classmates hated me so much, Wang Wenzhen even wrote an anonymous letter and threw it in my schoolbag to scold me; Shi Qiyang liked to argue with me, but he was really stupid and precocious, so I always had to use my tongue to correct him (with my tongue) There is a difference in repairing. In junior high school, Shi Qiyang was assigned to class E of the second grade of junior high school. He hated it so much that he was repaired by Chen Shikuan and the others with their fists—beaten up. After high school, the chemistry teacher Wang Mengren was an old friend of my father, and he was a shrewd man. , he disliked Shi Qiyang the most. Shi Qiyang asked me to talk about favors with Wang Mengren. Wang Mengren said that he believed that Shi Qiyang was a professional student, and that sooner or later he would be the dog of the Kuomintang. Looking back on Teacher Wang's words thirty years later, I really admire him as a prophet.) .Because I am arrogant and argumentative, in Yan Qiao's class, I often talk about other things besides mathematics.In class, Yan Qiao was full of talent and turned it into a big one. He didn't do many mechanical problems at all. Instead, he sat on the student's seat and asked Wu Zhuren and other students who were excellent in mathematics to "stand on the board" (stand in front of the blackboard) do it.He often chats in class.One day he actually said: "I'm going to stir up your minds!" Another time, to prove that he was right, he almost made a bet and said: "If I'm wrong, I'll write my name upside down!" He wrote the word "Yan Qiao" written upside down on the blackboard with extremely skilled strokes, as if he was an expert in "mirror calligraphy".At that time, we had a specially printed "mathematics exercise book" for our math homework. I was not good at doing exercises in the exercise book, but I was good at talking about other things.I came up with a "Preface", quoting a passage from Oscar W.Anthony, saying: "Mathematics is the soul of human intelligence. ... It transcends the realm of space and time, telling us that the universe is so far away, that light has experienced A journey of millions of years has just hit the earth..." Later, the "Mathematics Exercise Book" was sent back, and under the line "it transcends space and time", Yan Qiao marked it with a red cross, and there was Zhu Bi commented: "I don't think it can go beyond space and time!"——This is Yan Qiao's cuteness. He is a mathematics teacher, but besides correcting exercises, he also fights with the students' quotations! Yan Qiao is really a charming teacher, and I appreciate him more and more.It took me a few days to write a long letter detailing how I grew up.My dissatisfaction with reality, my dislike of the Kuomintang, etc., were handed over to him.Yan Qiao read it and comforted me.His friendship with me is naturally different from ordinary teachers and students. In 1952, after I was promoted to the second grade of middle school, I was assigned to the second grade of senior high school, and my mathematics was taught by Mr. Huang Zhong.Huang Zhong was twenty-eight years old at the time, and he was from Fengcheng, Anton (now Dandong).He graduated from the National Northeastern University, and Yan Qiao graduated from the private Fujian Union University.In terms of mathematics attainments, Huang Zhong seems to be more specialized than Yan Qiao.Huang Zhong is tireless in teaching students, he is the only teacher I have ever seen in my life.He often stays out of class when the get out of class is over and extends the time to give lectures to the students; or makes another appointment with the students to come and give lectures when the class is empty.Huang Zhong's face is thin, his body is very weak, he has lung disease, and his brows are always full of sadness.He almost never smiled heartily, and his demeanor was always serious and earnest, which was awe-inspiring.Huang Zhong's father, Huang Jianqiu, is an old friend of my father. My father was worried that I was not good at math, so he asked Huang Zhong to take care of me.Huang Zhong had a very good impression on me. He wrote on the "Mathematics Exercise Book": "Be honest and lovely." He gave me a lot of encouragement. Of course, he never said that I am good at mathematics——I am really not good at mathematics. .Like many great figures who hate mathematics (such as Churchill, such as Bernard Shaw), I hate mathematics to death.My distress is that the math teacher has friendship with me one by one, which makes me extremely embarrassed. After my senior year in high school in 1953, I voluntarily took a break from school and stayed at home, preparing to take the university entrance examination with the same academic qualifications.The terrible thing is that Huang Zhong still didn't let me go. He and my father successfully "colluded" and insisted that I go to his house to study for me alone.His family lives at No. 5, Lane 1, Yong'an Street, Taichung City. Every time I go to tutoring, I feel daunted by the road, but I really have to go, and I am fighting inside, which is very painful.This pain finally came to an end when Huang Zhong fell ill.Huang Zhong fell ill and lived in Taichung Hospital. He was unconscious and had to use a machine to pump phlegm all day long.I went to nurse him every day until he died speechless.I was very sad and wrote a few poems to commemorate him, such as "Huang Zhong" and "There are only good people in Jiuquan", and hung his portrait on the wall.My father was the best at divination in his life. He told me: "Huang Zhong is a good man, but he has a bad face. His appearance is not commensurate with his appearance, so he will die early." When Huang Zhong died, he was less than thirty years old. . Although Yan Qiao no longer taught me mathematics, his friendship with me has grown stronger day by day.他家住在一中斜对面宿舍，就是育才街五号，是一栋日式木屋，分给两家住，前面住的是郭大傅老师，（他是江西兴国人，台湾中正大学毕业。二十年后，在景美军法处坐牢，和我见过面。真没想到他还有这样迟来的红帽！）后面就是严侨家。因为一栋房子硬分成二户，所以变得狭长阴暗，不成格局。严侨约我去他家看他，我有时去。在黄钟住院后，一天严侨正好去探望，碰到我，我告诉他医生说黄老师恐怕已没希望了，严侨颇多感触。那时已是晚上，严侨要回家了，约我同行。在路上，他低声而神秘地告诉我：“你不要回头看，我感觉到好像有人跟踪我，是蓝色的。”（国民党特务源出蓝衣社，他指蓝色，当然是指国特。）我顿时若有所悟。隔天黄钟死了，严侨再去医院，感触更多，当天晚上我送他回家，他约我进去坐，在昏暗的灯光下，他劣酒下肚，终于告诉我；他是“那边来的”——原来他是共产党！ 当时的台中一中，像其他学校一样，不时有所谓共产党，“匪谍”被捕去。最令我心动的是当时女老师牟琴和他男友杨肇南老师的双双被捕。他们都是山东人，牟琴年轻艳丽，身材尤其肉感动人，令我们暗慕。一天夜里，他们都被捕去了，听说都是共产党、“匪谍”（多少年后，仿佛听说牟琴给放出来了，可是已被折磨得年华销尽了）；还有一位教数学的杨肖震老师（福建政和人，二十四岁），也被捕去（后来听说太太生活无着，已改嫁给他的一个朋友了）；还有一位王怀中老师（山东诸城人，三十八岁），教历史的，也神秘失踪了（多少年后才在新竹中学重拾教职）。当时颇有人人自危的味道。黄钟死后，外界盛传他是共产党，“畏罪自杀”云云。可是直到今天，我还不能相信。因为他咽气时候，我正守在他身边，他久病属实，绝不像是自杀。 但是黄钟的死，确实给严侨带来极大的感触，他似乎感到人生无常、好人难长寿。黄钟死后，严侨的酒好像愈喝愈多了。因为没有钱，严侨喝的酒是烟酒公卖局出品的最劣等米酒。他喝酒的方式是粗犷的，没有情调、没有小菜，用牙齿把瓶盖一口咬下，就咕嘟咕嘟，大喝起黄汤来。严侨喝酒虽多，但我从没看过他有泥醉的现象，他只是喝得很兴奋而已。黄汤下肚后，往往大背和醉酒有关的诗词。他最喜欢背辛弃疾的那首（遣兴）—— 醉里且贪欢笑， 要愁那得工夫？ 近来始觉古人书， 信着全无是处。 昨夜松边醉倒， 问松：“我醉何如？” 只疑松动要来扶， 以手推松曰：“去！” 每背到最后一句的时候，他也总是伸开十指，双手向前推出，郑重表示不要“松”来扶他。中国文学非严侨所长，他“以手推松曰'去！'”，自然不知道《汉书》龚胜传中这一典故，也不知道龚胜七十九岁成了殉道者的悲剧，但他那醉后一推曰“去！”的真情，如今事隔四十多年，却使我记忆忧新，永远难忘。 在多次跟严侨的夜谈中，我约略知道了他的一些情况。他来台湾比较晚，并且是从福建偷渡上岸的，当时还带着严师母。他坐的船是最小的木船，他说船上只有埋在沙上的一个罗盘，扬帆过海，就过来了，言下不胜得意。到台湾后，他被发现，国特把他请去，问他你来台湾干什么？他说我来投奔自由；国特说你胡扯，你的爸爸在福州做共产党的市长，他那么前进，你怎么这么落伍？一般情形总是老一代跟国民党走，青年一代跟共产党走，为什么你们家特别：你老子反倒前进，你反倒开倒车，来投奔我们？严侨说我不是来投奔你们，我是来投奔自由，何况我有老母在台，我要来照顾她。国特查出严侨果然有老母在台，只好暂且相信。但这样总不能结案，总得找个保人，于是，由妹夫叶明勋出面，保了严侨。严侨有两个妹妹，大妹严倬云，嫁给辜振甫；小妹严停云（就是女作家华严），嫁给叶明勋。 严侨在台中一中教书，自己也看了不少书，他过去的看书基础又厚，所以能够吸收新知，与日俱进。在他和我的谈话中，显然因为读书和受我的一点影响，而开始有点自由主义的倾向。这种转变，其实是很不容易的，是只有严侨那种智慧高人的青年人才做得到的。严侨投身在中国现代的狂飙运动之中，他投入这个运动，在知识上、见解上、情感上，都强烈受到左派教条的辐射，他们那个时代的这类革命者，一般都有着热情而崇高的气质，这种气质使他们勇于献身、勇于殉道，心之所善，九死无悔。但是，他们对他们献身、殉道的对象，却由于“目的热”，未免沦于“方法盲”，他们之中智慧高人的，一旦成为狂飙运动的浪花余沫，在百尺竿头，更进一步的当口，他们必然会有所觉悟，这是很自然的。严侨是共产党，但却是身陷在台湾的，他脱离了红色的磁场，孤单地局促在蓝色的泥淖，在日新又新的成长下，以他的智慧，一定程度的觉悟，是可以想像的。这种觉悟也许没有《修炼失败的神》作者那种细腻、也许没有《新阶级》作者那种深沉，但是严侨有他自己的特色。那特色就是尽管他有所失落，但他并不因失落而脱离；相反的，他要归队，要归队去重建那父母之邦，一天晚上，严侨又喝醉了酒，他突然哭了起来，并且哭得很沉痛。在感情稍微平静以后，他对我做了最重要的一段谈话： 我不相信国民党会把中国救活，他们不论怎样改造，也是无可救药， 他们的根儿烂了。十多年来，我把自己投入一个新运动，我和一些青年人 冒险、吃苦，为了给国家带来一个新远景，所以我做了共产党，我志愿偷 渡过来。为我的信仰做那最难做的一部分。可是这两年来，我发现我变了， 我的精神好像飞向那自由主义的神像，可是我的身体却永远被一个党锁住， 被另外一个党监视，这是我最大的痛苦。虽然这样，我还是想回大陆去， 那里虽然不满意，可是总有一点“新”的气味，有朝气，对国民党我是始 终看不起的，它不配我去自首！现在我们的名册里并没有你，可是我想带 你回去，带你去共同参加那个新尝试的大运动，这个大运动是成功是失败 不敢确定，但它至少牺牲了我们这一代而为了另外一个远景，至少比在死 巷里打滚的国民党痛快得多了！ 由于他有那样的背景。那样的偷渡经验，我相信他说的，我答应了跟他走。我当时梦想我会参加一个重建中国的大运动。可是梦想毕竟是梦想，半夜里五个大汉惊破了他的梦和我的梦，他被捕了。这是1953年的事。那时候严侨三十三岁，我十八岁。 严侨被捕时我还不知情，第二天的中午，爸爸从一中回来，说到一中传出严侨被捕的事，我听了，十分感伤。我的感伤不重要，重要的是如何照顾严师母和三个小孩。那时1950年生的大女儿严方才三岁，儿子严正尚小，小女儿严谅还在怀里吃奶。我跟严师母商议多次，一筹莫展。我那时休学在家，只是高三上的学生身分，家里又穷，没有任何收入，实在愧无以帮助严师母。我只好饿早饭不吃，存了一些钱，送给了严师母。后来我爸爸知道了，严肃责备我不可以这样做：“严侨既然被捕了，谁还敢帮他呢？”这是爸爸的理由。这种理由是缺乏同情心的，但是在国民党的苛政下，同情毕竟是一种跳到黄河洗不清的“危险品”，在阴影幢幢的株连下，残存的一些道德品质，也就备受考验了。 虽然如此，严师母和我，总希望血缘关系和亲属关系上的帮忙，或能免掉国民党的嫉忌。因为这种关系毕竟是血亲问题，总不是政治问题。在一阵日子拖过后，严侨毫无音讯，严师母和我商议，决定北上投亲，她希望辜振甫等能施以援手。就这样的，严师母收拾残破的一些家当，带着三个小孩，含泪北上了。严师母北上后，没有任何消息了。我个人也忙于大专联考等，没有再能做什么。严侨和严侨一家，就这样在台中育才路消逝了。我有时夜里散步，经过严家的旧宅，遥望院里的一片浓荫和屋里的一片死寂，内心悲凉不已。 几年以后，一天胡家伦在台大告诉我：“你记得严侨吗？他死了，死在火烧岛。”（我们那时都叫“火烧岛”，不叫“绿岛”。）胡家伦的父亲是国民党中央社老人胡传厚，与叶明勋他们熟，他的消息应属可信，我听了消息，十分难过。 这时我在思想上，受了胡适、殷海光的影响，已经十足是一个成熟的自由主义者，在我思想成长的过程中，严侨虽然对我已是“过去式”，但他的伟大人格、他的声容笑貌、他的热情犀利、他的悲惨人生，却对我永远是“现在式”，他是我人格上的导师，我庆幸在我一生中，能够亲炙到这么一位狂飙运动下的悲剧人物，使我在人格形成中，得以有那种大陆型的脉博、那种左翼式的狂热、那种宗教性的情怀与牺牲。在这些方面，严侨都给了活生生的身教，也许严侨本人并不那么丰富、那么全面、那么完整，但对“少年十五二十时”的李敖而言，无疑地都成为我的导师。最后，虽然导师自己倒下去了，但他的学生还在前进，——他的学生没有倒！ 在台中一中的同学，转成我好朋友的颇多，高我三班的有张世民、何同纹、周春堤；高我二班的有李天培、金嘉锡、陈钦铭、蔡希灼、陈世熙、黄容；跟我同班的有陈正澄、张育宏、赵天仪、吴铸人、杨尔琳、赖宪沧、韩毅雄、王新德、黄显昌、施启扬、朱广诚、刚华民、熊廷武；跟我同届的有张光锦、孟祥协、吴文立、何西就、胡家伦，何铠光、李耀祖、张仁龙、庄铭山、赵秀雄、林益宣、李仁、谭伟力、李述古、李华竣章含精、任建园、马安国、宋世源、李咸林、姚嶂、江合祥、程国强、徐武军、胡业纯、陈振威；晚于我的有李文岳，丁善奎、吴杰人、陈瑞洲、张宏谋等。最有趣的是林正方，他在一中，以留级出名，从高我几届到低我几届，算也算不清了，他是个有趣的人，只是太粗线条了。