Chapter 7 National Taiwan University (1954-1959, 19 to 24 years old)

In 1954, I participated in the joint college admissions program with the same academic ability. My first choice was the Chinese Department of National Taiwan University.The law major was clearly listed as one of the major departments of National Taiwan University in the application form. I didn't know it, and I filled it out among a large number of selected majors.After entering the school, I realized that some students in the class were mistakenly assigned to this class (such as Lu Xiaozhao and others) because their grades were good enough to be assigned to the law department; Our class is the second class. In the first year, there was another class of the first class (Su Qiuzhen’s class). There were a total of 150 people in the two classes. University, Provincial Normal College (predecessor of Normal University), Provincial Agricultural College (predecessor of Chung Hsing University), Provincial Institute of Technology (predecessor of Chenggong University), the test scores of our 150 people are all higher than the students of the latter three colleges , but cannot study for four years as they do.Wearing a square hat, of course, the crowd was outraged, thinking it was tantamount to being fooled.Classmate Xie Shiwen, under the pseudonym of "Bad News", wrote "Talking about National Taiwan University's Law Specialist" on Hong Kong "Freeman" on June 15, 1955, pointing out that "the establishment of this department was originally proposed by the 'Ministry of Justice and Administration'... ...Funds are allocated by the 'Ministry of Judicial Administration'", "The 'Ministry of Judicial Administration' is also in charge of universities", "It is only natural to disrupt the system and destroy the administrative system of education".All of the above have been repeatedly reported by classmates, plus Lin Bin who taught us the "General Principles of Criminal Law" was originally the minister of the "Ministry of Justice Administration", and Xu Shixian (father-in-law of Li Wucu) who taught us the "Chinese Judicial Organization" was also a member of the "Ministry of Justice Administration". "Deputy Minister, they also follow the good advice and agree with the restructuring. Therefore, the legal specialization department decided to change to the judiciary group of the law department, and the original law department was changed to the law department. One hundred and fifty students were happy after hearing the news. Immediately swept away.

Personally, I was originally interested in studying literature, not playing tricks, but because of a few points, I was not admitted to the Faculty of Liberal Arts of National Taiwan University, but was reduced to the Faculty of Law. I was unwilling to retake the exam.However, students in Taiwan cannot retake the exam at their own school, and must first withdraw from school automatically.I was so courageous that I dropped out of school on June 27, the eve of the restructuring.Among the 150 students, I was the only one who dared to drop out of school due to lack of interests.Because Hu Jialun helped me to supplement mathematics, I scored 59 points in the test, and was admitted to the History Department of the Faculty of Liberal Arts of National Taiwan University in 1955. From then on, I bid farewell to the law school, but I did not bid farewell to many friends in the law school, among them Lu Xiaozhao. Especially among them.I had a long talk with Lu Xiaozhao for the first time. One morning when I was studying law, I was reading in the classroom. He came over to chat and showed me an article signed by him "Blue Bird". I offered my opinion bluntly. He was quite impressed, and has since become friends.Lu Xiaozhao is shrewd and intelligent, and he understands me best. On April 27, 1955, my father died, and I rushed back to Taichung. The whole class donated a large sum of money to me. Everyone donated money, but Lu Xiaozhao refused. The reason was: "Li Ao has a straightforward personality, He will never take your money, if you don’t believe me, you can give it away!” As expected, when Shi Jingbo and Shao Xianzhang rushed to Taichung with the money, I refused to accept the money.

Dad died two days after my twentieth birthday, from a cerebral hemorrhage, at home that night.Before noon the next day, I rushed back to Taichung after receiving a telegram saying "Father is coming home quickly". When I got off the train, I saw Li Huajun waiting for me, told me the news of his death, and accompanied me to the coffin. Because of the hot weather, my father was already dead When I entered the coffin, the coffin lid was nailed, and I couldn't see the last side, so I cried for it.In the evening I went to Tan Jieli, she had a camera, and I asked her to take two photos of the coffin (Tan Jieli is a lovely girl, I have a crush on her, and I went to see her when she was sick and hospitalized, but she left without saying a word. gone).

At that time, my father was the head of the Chinese Department of Provincial Taichung No. 1 Middle School. Because he had taught books in this school for nearly six years and taught tutoring outside the school, he had taught dozens of people including Tan Jieli, so it was "nothing".He is a good teacher. During the public memorial ceremony, there was a big scene. There were 2,000 people from the mayor of Taichung City to the chairman of the city council.These two thousand people not only witnessed Mr. Li Dingyi walking towards the cremation, but also witnessed Mr. Li Dingyi's precious son Li Ao performing a funeral reform that made everyone angry!At that time, I was influenced by Hu Shi and insisted on reforming the funeral ceremony. According to the tradition, I had to burn paper, chant scriptures, bend down with a mourning stick to pretend to be a filial son, and kowtow to mourners. It doesn't fall off, it really has the taste of "Heng eyebrows and cold fingers" written by my teacher.This experience made me deeply feel: the so-called "although there are tens of thousands of people, I will go on", it is easy to read a book, but if it is really put into practice, it requires great courage.This experience has benefited me all my life, and I have the courage to go my own way all my life, and I will do it all my life.But this unconventional behavior has made me bear the notoriety of "unfilial piety" ever since.Later, the notoriety became bigger and bigger, like a snowball that got bigger and bigger.One of the funny sayings is: "Li Ao pissed him off!" Li Ji was the only one who spread this kind of saying.One day, Li Ji said to Yao Congwu, "I heard that Li Ao had disagreements with his father, and he finally pissed him off." Yao Congwu said, "This is the first time I've heard of it. I know that Li Ao's father was a graduate of Peking University." Yes. Students who graduated from Peking University are more tolerant and open-minded in thought. If Li Ao’s father can be pissed off by Li Ao, he is not considered to have graduated from Peking University! I don’t know Li Ao’s attitude towards his father, but I know Li Ao’s attitude towards My mother is very good, and a person who is very kind to his mother will probably not be unfilial to his father!" Eleven years after my father died, I wrote a preface before printing his posthumous work "History of Chinese Literature", talking about the so-called Regarding "unfilial piety", I said:

As far as I know, Mr. Li Ji "has no son" because his son has "submerged back to the mainland".Therefore, Mr. Li Ji belongs to the type of "teaching children without a way".Of course, Mr. Li Ji didn't want to attribute it to his own "unable to teach his son". Of course he said it was purely his son's "unfilial piety". , - sensitive to rumors of "unfilial piety", and hope that other people's sons will also be "unfilial". We don't have to blame Mr. Li Ji for this kind of problem, because this is a psychopath of a failed old man. So when We see that the "Academia Sinica" Institute of History and Linguistics he presided over is not moving towards "academic research"

And when we move towards "flaunting filial piety", we have nothing to say except that we should admire it. Unexpectedly, this preface mentioned the matter of "submarine return to the mainland", which aroused the allergy and dissatisfaction of the "national agents of the investigation bureau", and forced Wenxing Bookstore to tear up this preface in order to sell the book.Therefore, the funeral reform when I was 20 not only delayed the entrance examination, but also hindered the freedom of speech and the freedom of the press, and also prevented me from being able to enter the "Academia Sinica" Institute of History and Linguistics. It is really full of stamina.

Lei Zhen hosted the "Free China" magazine in October of the year his father died.Check out Chen Yangwu's "Teacher's Day Plead for Teachers", which says: ...For example, Li Dingyi, a teacher at Provincial Taichung No. 1 Middle School, strictly guards his post and is enthusiastic about teaching. He teaches two classes of Chinese in the school and has 12 hours of homework a week. Due to the heavy family burden and the limited salary income, he has no other choice. , so I had to help students with their homework after class, four hours a day, even on Sundays, and the life of a family of eight was barely solved by this, but it took only three years, but they died of illness due to overwork up.

This is roughly true. In fact, Dad is exhausted. Dad has high hopes for me, and he has never refused me to ask him for money to buy books.Never interfering with the books I want to read, and never allowing the free play of my free will, the most vivid example is to sit back and watch me do nothing but the behavior of the old calendar year.Since I was in the second grade of junior high school, I have to change customs, but the old calendar year.I think passing the old calendar year is a kind of non-progress and a violation of modernization.Dad is the most understanding person, he can best understand my vision.He said: "My boy, if you're not good enough, let's go! If you're not good enough, we'll pass!" So father, mother, sisters, sisters and younger brothers began to be happy and older than their years.They eat big fish and meat, but I want to eat fried rice;When I was not in the old calendar year for the first time, my father faced a contradiction between reason and emotion: intellectually, he knew that I was doing the right thing; emotionally, he blamed me for being too serious about right and wrong, and too unwilling to accommodate.By the time of the second old calendar year, Dad got used to it, and there was no conflict anymore.For five years, until he died, I never lived that goddamn old calendar year.After his death, though, my mother fell into a lonely situation.When the first Lunar New Year came, when my mother habitually arranged fried rice for me other than fish and meat, I gave up the fried rice without saying a word, and joined the "Chinese New Year pie" camp.Once during the Chinese New Year, I told everyone below my mother what Li Ji said that I was so angry with my father, and everyone laughed when they heard it.I joked: "If I really have the ability to piss off old men, then I should first piss off other people's old men. I will never abide by the tradition of 'being angry with my old man as well as my old man'!"

After my father died, everyone from Taichung Mayor Lin Jinbiao to the teachers and students of No. 1 Middle School donated money for their children's education fund; fellow villagers from Northeast China from Mo Dehui also donated money, among which Gao Xibing and Cheng Lie each donated 1,000 yuan At that time, they were all large sums. The total donation was more than 30,000 yuan, and my mother put it in the Changhua spinning mill to earn interest. Later, it was not enough to make ends meet, so I kept withdrawing the principal.Soon after my father's death, my mother went to No. 1 Middle School as a staff member, and was in charge of the school's conduct registration at the Discipline Office. At that time, my younger brother Li Fang was also in No. 1 Middle School, and my homework was not good enough. My mother often asked the teachers to help me; When she relaxed the conduct registration, she was unselfish, and her public and private standards were really interesting.

My father left me two tangible bequests: one or two sets, one is an incomplete annotated edition of Hu Sanxing in lead type, and the other is a photocopied edition of Bana Song, both of which were sold when I was poor. Sun Yingshan in the dormitory bought it for Zhang Yufa; the latter was bought by the history department of National Taiwan University.2. An ordinary watch. Because it was cremated, the watch was taken down. At that time, I was too poor to buy a watch. My father wore it and left it to me. In 1955, I was twenty years old. After the summer vacation, I entered the History Department of National Taiwan University as my first choice. On the surface, I got my wish, but I was very disappointed soon.I looked down on other people, didn't like class, didn't even bother with exams.When I was a freshman, I failed three of the eight subjects, and even almost failed Chinese.It turned out that Ye Qingbing taught Chinese. It was the first time to hand in the composition. Although he publicly praised Li Ao's composition in the class as the first in the class, I always hated him. failed.His teacher, Zheng Qian from the Chinese Department, said a word: "Li Ao's Chinese failed, whose Chinese passed?" Ye Qingbing was hesitant, and gave me 68 points. In the first semester, I only scored 71.31, and in the second semester, I only scored 65.45. The poor grades can be seen at a glance. Hi, I am knowledgeable, but I just disdain to attend classes and take exams.

When I was in middle school, I occasionally met a female student on the road. She was extremely pure and her eyes were not big, but she shone with a kind of aura in her affection.I gradually learned that she lived in Cunxin Lane near my home. Her family was very poor, and her parents opened a small grocery store at home. Every Sunday, the whole family worshiped in Si En Church.The school she attended was Taichung City Middle School, one class lower than mine, and her homework was excellent.I stayed at home during my third year of high school, and wrote many love letters to her, each of which I called her "Luo", and waited for her to hand it in on Taiping Road after school, but I didn't say a word.After I entered the Law School of National Taiwan University, the love letters were handed over by my elder sister who was studying in the city. Each letter was full of chatter, and it was very long. One letter was 83 pages long, but was interrupted for some reason.After my father died, she wrote me a letter, so the relationship was renewed.When I re-entered the Faculty of Liberal Arts, National Taiwan University, she was admitted to the Department of Chemistry, Faculty of Science, National Taiwan University, and lived in the girls' dormitory, but I didn't go to see her, and was still writing letters.Until one day, she asked me to meet on campus at night, and fell in love ever since.Boating in Bitan, overnight stay in Fu Garden, double entry and double exit of the library. ...There are two people everywhere.For a while I delivered newspapers.To deliver newspapers to all units of National Taiwan University, get up before dawn, ride a bicycle to the newspaper vendor near the train station to buy newspapers in cash, fold them on the spot, and then rush back to National Taiwan University. She will wait for them when they are delivered to the female dormitory At the door, I offered hot milk for me with both hands.The relationship is so good that not only do they live together, but also in her sophomore year, she simply transferred out of the Department of Chemistry and into the Department of History (when she transferred out, a student from the Department of Chemical Engineering transferred to the Department of Chemistry, namely Li Yuanzhe) I'm in the same class.However, falling in love too much is the beginning of the ups and downs. My belief and poverty constitute the main reasons for our breakup.In terms of belief, I don’t believe in religion, and I have a firm attitude, and her family is devout Christians. I don’t have the ability of Chiang Kai-shek and others to change my beliefs for women. The more basic reason was that I was too poor and had no prospect of becoming rich in the future, which was really unpleasant for her family who owned a small shop.She told me once: "When I first came to Taiwan in 1949, my family was poor. My mother made a pair of cloth shoes and asked me to sell them along the street. I saw a tall gentleman and timidly asked him if he wanted to see this pair. shoes, but he yelled and expressed his impatience, which made me come back crying.” Another time when she lost her bicycle, she was in such pain that she wrote a large article titled “Give it back, please You!" Published in the "World Today" magazine published in Hong Kong, the article is sad and touching.The hardship of the family seems to have deepened her parents' hatred against the heresy Li Ao. She and I have a pair of stone seals. Her father found out and returned the seal with her name to me; while her mother Said: "You will be rich enough to be the president in the future, and we will not come to your door; you will be so poor that you will beg for food, and you will beg at our door, please go one step further!" It made me understand the style of a devout Christian. Very impressed. "Luo" is good in all subjects. When he was admitted to the university, he scored nearly 90% in Chinese composition. Tai Jingnong, the director of the Chinese Department of National Taiwan University, told me later: In that session, the article scored the highest in Chinese composition. They thought it was written by Li Ao. Unexpectedly, it came from the hand of "Li Ao's girlfriend".This shows the power of "Luo" in Chinese.With that kind of skill, you can write love letters with me, the content is wonderful, you can imagine.But the letters were burned. "Luo" gave me a notebook. It turned out that the entire copy was Zhu Guangqian's "Twelve Letters to Youth". She had no money to buy books when she was in middle school, and there was no photocopier at that time, so she copied the entire book by hand.Her handwriting is beautiful, her thinking is quick, and she is extremely clever. She can recite English poems three or four times. I have had many girlfriends in my life, but in terms of eyesight, talent, intelligence, and cunning, no one can match her .On the night when we broke up, she gave me her panties, which were as flamboyant as a gift. The departure of "Luo" made me encounter the greatest predicament in my life. At that time, I was young and took a bottle of sleeping pills one night. My roommate Weng Songran found out and forced me to go to National Taiwan University Hospital for colon cleansing.In my "University Notes", "University Late Diary" and even "A Reserve Officer's Diary", you can clearly see how I encouraged myself to overcome the greatest difficulty.In fact, the fundamental way to get through life is not to encourage yourself, but to quickly replace the peach with a new lover, and replace the old with a new lover, just like peaches are gone, the solution is not to encourage yourself that too many peaches are not delicious, but to eat quickly Speaking of plums, plums are delicious, so I am naturally resistant to peaches, so I will no longer be in love with them.Unfortunately, for three or four years I was unsuccessful in making this switch.Later in college, I had a brief affair with a classmate named "Mimi" who was of British descent. "Mimi" is 1.70 meters tall, with a first-class figure and fair skin. On the day we broke up, I returned all her letters to her. There is only one copy of the letter I wrote, which was published in "Li Ao Love Letters" The first letter in the collection. "Mimi"'s father is a celebrity with a good family background. Her demeanor is elegant and imposing, and it can be seen that she is from everyone.Once I saw her holding the thread-bound edition of Renshou's "Twenty-Five Histories", and I felt that the beauty of the ancient books just reflected her beauty.I still have the only photo of her as a little girl in the world she sent me, with elegant charm and the beauty of a mixed race. Although I have also seduced other girls, but the spirit is very good, and there is no flesh to tell. There were few girls in that era, and their thoughts were not open. I am a diehard who doesn't go to church and can't dance. In fact, I need to find an ideal one. Girlfriends are not easy. The distress on "confidantes" made me unhappy in college.After I graduated, on February 12, 1960, I received a letter from Xiao Qiqing in the army. There was this passage: "I talked with Yao Lao a few days ago, and he thinks that in our class, you are the most mature person in all aspects. He also said that you don’t write easily, and what you write must be “pretty”. I agree with him.” I think, the views of Mr. Yao Congwu and my classmate Xiao Qiqing can be used as my four-year history department. In general evaluation, I am indeed a college student who can qualify as the "best" in all aspects, although I have struggled quite a lot at this stage of college students.The reason is the conflict between the "worldly me" and the "ideal me": deep down, I am conceited and self-proclaimed as a superman; So, year after year, we are caught in a conflict situation.The summary is: Four years in the Department of History was actually the most dissatisfying stage in my life. I lacked convincing friendship, lack of stable love, and lack of financial ability. Compared with middle school, especially.If I go back in time in my life and live it again, I would rather live ten years less than live the days of middle school and college students. ——The growing years are actually painful.Relying on others is the swamp of the "worldly self", not the situation of the "ideal self".The end of the college years means that I can slowly move towards independence, growth, and true independence.For the "ideal me", this is the real start, the real beginning. I graduated on June 18, 1959, and went south to Taichung on August 2. When I got on the train that day, there were Zhou Hong, Jing Xinhan, Ma Hongxiang, Bai Shaokang, Hua Changping, Li Huajun, Chen Youliang, Chen Guying, and Zhu Tingsheng who came to see me off at Taipei Station. , Zhang Kebin, Yuan Zhutai, Zhu Guangcheng, Huang Xichang, Shi Qiyang, Tong Yaoxun, Que Zhizheng, Sun Yingshan, Lin Shumei, Yang Zuyan, Yang Shipeng, Yuan Tianzhong, Xiao Qiqing, Wang Shangyi, Chen Liangqu, Wang Zengcai, Li Yaozu and other 26 people.This is the end of my five-year university career in Taipei.The wide range of acquaintances can be seen from the send-off list.This phenomenon shows that although I am proud and conceited, I have never been full of arrogance in dealing with others. I am not only calm and tolerant, but also willing to be kind to others.Take my good friend Meng Dazhong from the Physics Department of the Faculty of Science as an example: Meng Dazhong’s parents divorced in India. After the divorce, he and his younger brother went to study in Taiwan with his father, while his mother was still in India.Once we were chatting, I suddenly remembered that if the brother followed the mother on the divorce certificate, then the two brothers can be regarded as overseas Chinese students, and they don’t have to be ghost soldiers of the Kuomintang.When Meng Dazhong heard this, he was moved and hoped that I could help him forge a divorce certificate.I said yes, but I have to ask Shi Qiyang for legal issues.So I went to the law school to find Shi Qiyang and told him the whole story. Then Shi Qiyang drafted and fabricated a "Leaving Letter" in line with the divorce situation in India at that time. Every detail in it, including currency conversion, was done seamlessly.After making it, I will engrave two of them myself as witnesses.One person was named "Peng Liyun" and the other was "Kong Zhaoqing". After printing, the whole paper was soaked in tea and then dried in the sun, and the work was done.In order to be safe, I suggested that Meng Dazhong go to National Taiwan University dean Cha Liangzhao. Cha Liangzhao was also in India at the time and had an old acquaintance with Meng Dazhong's father, so he can be a witness.Cha Liangzhao was nicknamed "Grandma Cha" when he was at Southwest Associated University. He was helpful but also confused. If he told him that his brother followed his mother during the divorce, he would inevitably say that he vaguely remembered it. One more witness.So everything was done according to the plan, and Meng Dazhong really didn't need to be a soldier, and he went far away!It shows how resourceful and helpful I am.Liu Jiashun, an old classmate from Taichung No. 1 Middle School, was recommended to be admitted to National Taiwan University. He printed his business card with the title "National Taiwan University's recommended student of the Department of Political Science", proud of himself.This man left Taiwan after graduation. At Songshan Airport, the plane took off and was ordered by the police headquarters to fly back and arrest him.When Meng Dazhong left Taiwan, I went to Songshan Airport to see him off. I said, "This time, you will fly far away, and you will be free." He said, "Think about Liu Jiashun! Only if you really fly away!" During the time at National Taiwan University, in addition to getting to know classmates, senior figures got acquainted with Hu Shi.My relationship with Hu Shi has nothing to do with Hu Shi's student—my father.I knew Hu Shi’s name in elementary school in Beijing. When I was in junior high school, I borrowed “Hu Shi Wenxun” from Chen Zhengcheng, and I have been deeply influenced by him since then. On October 1, 1952, I handed him a 2,000-word long letter at Taichung Station, when I was only seventeen years old. In 1954, Chen Shixi organized the "This Generation" magazine at National Taiwan University and asked me to write a manuscript, so I wrote "From Reading "Hu Shi's Wencun"".After the article was written, they were scruples and it was useless, so they returned it to me.Two years later, Lu Xiaozhao started the "University" magazine, but he didn't care, so he dragged it to publish it.Nearly a year after it was published, one day "Luo" suddenly suggested, "Why don't you send it to "Free China"? They will definitely publish it!" So I deleted a part, and she copied it for her, and then changed it to "Free China".This is my first and last article published on "Free China".Published on March 1, 1957.In addition, I also published some articles about Hu Shi in "Central Daily".A year and a month after the "Free China" article was published, Hu Shi came back from the United States, invited me to the home of National Taiwan University President Qian Siliang, and said to me: "Oh! Mr. Li! I even forgot about myself. I lost it all. You can find all the works! You really know Hu Shizhi better than I do!" He also revealed: "Lei Zhen specially wrote to me, recommending your article." Lei Zhen was running the magazine "Free China" at that time, I am deeply honored to be able to publish an article with my real name in that magazine (Shi Qiyang also wrote an article, but dare not publish it with his real name). Although Lei Zhen runs "Free China", the real soul of the magazine is Yin Haiguang.Yin Haiguang is a professor in the Philosophy Department of National Taiwan University. After my article was published, Zhang Hao came to me and said, "Yin Haiguang read your article and wanted to meet you." Zhang Hao was two classes ahead of me in the history department. I think he He is very weak in talent, he is Yin Haiguang's early stage figure absorbed by his family, and has a good relationship with Yin Haiguang, but he is not only a translator.Can't write anything published in "Free China", is always just a egg head who likes foreign books.Yin Haiguang accused Hu Shi of liking to brag about other people's knowledge for human reasons.That's right, but he himself made this kind of problem. Yin Haiguang absorbed his disciples. At that time, they were all Zhang Hao's type. They only read foreign books and talked about methodology all day long, but their knowledge base was too narrow.There are too few goods, so at best, only steel bars will be built, no cement.Yin Haiguang himself doesn't have much cement, but he is well-informed in mainland China and has a good writing style, so he can make up for a lot of "cement shortage", but his disciples are far, far behind him.Yin Haiguang himself knew this kind of situation, but his disciples knew it too well. Therefore, at National Taiwan University, they had the problem of not knowing the heights of the sky and the earth, and regarded themselves as excellent students.I was at National Taiwan University. At first glance, I was not a hard-working student, because I had already read many books that college students read in elementary and middle school.Intellectually, I am precocious and precocious.After I arrived at National Taiwan University, I wore a robe and engaged in "cohabitation of college students" all day long. In terms of form, I was a bit "poetry and books" and "not reading books".I don't go to class, I don't copy notes, and I don't buy into the teachers, especially the ones I despise.Since I was so independent at National Taiwan University, I was naturally looked at sideways. People who can only see me on the surface, of course, only see me as a "robe monster" from the surface, and do not know that I have the real ability to "fly into the sky".So the me at National Taiwan University is just a part of me who "would have surprised the world without revealing my articles".But this truth, only I know. "The dragon gets the cloud and rain, but it is not a thing in the pool." In the pool of National Taiwan University, I was regarded as a strange loach, a big loach. After two years of graduation, I came back from the army and I will prove it to everyone: you are all wrong. Yes, I am a dragon!When Nasser was in power in Egypt, everyone regarded his vice president Sadat as a mortal who liked to wear good clothes and live in a good house; after Nasser died, the US special envoy Richardson mourned and secretly reported to Nixon, Sadat would not be in power for more than four to six weeks, and it turned out that everyone was wrong about Sadat.In my life, I have been misjudged many times. I always prove it to everyone with facts: You are all wrong, I am a dragon!The so-called Jiaolong is a kind of dragon that can send out floods. Chinese tradition regards revolutionary heresies as scourges, and I am really such a scourge.Limited to the political environment, I clearly know the limits and fate of my being a scourge, but I still move forward. This sense of mission and sense of tragedy is not short for me at all, because I have been in elementary school and middle school. formed.From the previous generation of dragon characters trapped on this island, I can see that only two people are qualified: one is Hu Shi, and the other is Yin Haiguang.When I was in college, Hu Shi was already old and tired, and his temperament was like a hero in Homer's epic written by Tennyson. He had no longer the scenery of the May Fourth era; The publication ceased in the winter of 2011, and for eleven years before and after, Yin Haiguang was really in the water during these eleven years; and these eleven years were my middle school and university days, and when I entered National Taiwan University, it was Yin Haiguang who was the most popular. At the time when "Free China" was the most popular, I naturally admire his dragon temperament. He asked Zhang Hao to invite me to see him, and I was naturally very willing. The appointment was set in the afternoon at Yin Haiguang's house, and I went as scheduled.It was Yin Haiguang who opened the door, and he gave me a really bad impression: a thin and small figure, a lame foot that rubs and kicks, rough hands, gray hair, a weathered face, and two small eyes that are not symmetrical. , glaring unfriendlyly at you from under the triangular eyelids.His head and limbs are very rigidly combined, and he tightly closes his lips, as if looking forward to himself.It's really pretentious, because his appearance is very rare, but he insists on being honest in the outside, and it turns out that his thinness on the outside is about to be torn apart by his inner greatness, which looks really good I'm uncomfortable. "Why is he acting like this? So nervous? Russell's disciples shouldn't be like this!" I thought to myself. "He doesn't look like a thinker, a philosopher, or a university professor at all, but he looks like a erotic painting seller at the North Gate Post Office. Of course, a erotic painting seller doesn't look forward to himself." I really felt guilty when I thought this way. It's a crime of disrespect, but I can't help but think otherwise, and I'm really sorry to him from the bottom of my heart.To make matters worse, another furry thing came out from behind him - a big wolfhound.This wolfhound, Yin Haiguang named "Leader", is the running dog of the Nazi party's respect for Hitler. The "leader" is a "leader" after all, and he is extremely powerful. Compared with Yin Haiguang, Yin Haiguang is even more wretched. "He really shouldn't have this undemocratic thing." I thought. I don't know what Yin Haiguang's first impression of me was, and it probably won't be good. I think I must have retaliated against him, because the two of them talked very badly.I forced him to ask a question: "It's right to scold the Kuomintang, and the Kuomintang should really be scolded. What I want to ask is: You have hosted propaganda for the Kuomintang in the past, and you are a member of the Kuomintang. How do you explain this?" Yin Haiguang was surprised by my sudden appearance. He was very upset and obviously unwilling to face this question. He was very embarrassed, as if he blamed me for knowing too much. He took a long time to say: "I have forgotten that I have been a member of the Kuomintang! I I'm not interested in this kind of historical question." After hearing his answer, I was very sad, and I felt that Yin Haiguang was not honest enough in this answer.I said: "I am a student of history, and I am interested in this kind of issue." I said: Since the Kuomintang fled to Taiwan after failing in the mainland, they have reviewed the reasons for their failure. There needs to be more autocracy in the future; one faction believes that there is not enough freedom and democracy, and that in the future it is necessary to abandon the old ways and do a profound and progressive introspection.There are very few people doing this kind of introspection, but the most successful one is Yin Haiguang.Because there are two conditions for the success of this kind of introspection: first, you must have knowledge, and second, you must have no political ambitions.Only with knowledge can we know that the tide cannot be stopped, and freedom and democracy are necessary; without political ambitions, we can maintain idealistic standards and regard freedom and democracy not as a means to gain political status, but as an end.I think Yin Haiguang has these two conditions the most, so he is the most successful in self-reflection and has the best performance in "Free China".But this kind of success, in the eyes of the Kuomintang, is considered their failure. There are traitors in their group, and they are traitors with heads, faces and strengths.When they are heartbroken, they will bring up the issue of loyalty to the party to make everyone look bad, so I think: "The brave man who does not hesitate to fight with yesterday's me today" should clearly explain his umbilical cord relationship with the KMT, and openly explain clearly. , don't dodge the question.Such a brave person can openly leave the party.Publicly announced the fair and just reasons for leaving the party, publicly stated that he would abandon personal friendship for the sake of public friendship, and expose party faults for "state affairs."He should not have taken a careless attitude on party membership.An ambiguous attitude, an attitude of leaving casually, or an attitude of shyness.So, I think this is a meaningful historical question that should be of interest. The first conversation I had with Yin Haiguang ended without speculation.I have a very bad impression of him. Although I like his radiant articles, I am so disgusted with him as a person that I don't even want to take his class.Therefore, the logic of my sophomore year was not dazzled to me. Since then, I have had no contact with him. I wrote in my diary on June 15, 1958: "There is no one in the country, such as Hu Shizhi who always sells old goods, and Yin Haiguang. It’s always the same way, they can be popular, but they are so narrow.” On January 6 of the second year, he wrote: “I read logic at night and decided to learn from Yin Haiguang. From Ma Geyan, it’s not difficult. Also. Like Hu Shi who 'absorbed', he didn't have much to 'absorb'." These diaries all show that I admire Yin Haiguang to a certain extent, but I have no contact with him.I didn't study logic until my senior year, and it was still taught by Taiwan's stupid professor Zeng Tiancong.But on the day of the exam, I ran into the invigilator Yin Haiguang. He watched me write the exam paper and said, "Your exam paper is eloquent." In addition, I only remember meeting him on the road once, and I asked him for advice on a methodology. above nouns.In addition, when we met, I also followed his example, deliberately cold, as if the two did not know each other.There is an old saying: "If evil sounds come, you will turn them back." Yin Haiguang is unreasonable, and he should be given back.That's how I felt about him at the time.When I was about to graduate, Yin Haiguang and his disciple Lin Yusheng (a class above me in the Department of History) used scientific methods to analyze Chiang Kai-shek's "greatness" in the seventh issue of Fengshan Yuguan's publication. It was very nasty, and immediately joined the Kuomintang.His classmate Ma Hongxiang found this article and told Yin Haiguang together with me.Yin Haiguang was in great pain. He probably never dreamed that the scientific method he taught would be used by Lin Yusheng like this! Hu Shi and Yin Haiguang were the two seniors I admired the most during my university days. The others, no matter their teachers or friends, had inherent friendship with me, but I dare not talk about admiration.This shows how picky I am as a college student.How the eyes are higher than the top.