Chapter 7 Lin Huiyin was at a loss

Faced with Xu Zhimo's passionate and frank emotional pursuit, Lin Huiyin was at a loss. When Lin Huiyin first met Xu Zhimo, he just regarded him as his father's friend.Zhang Xiruo and Xu Zhimo went to Lin Yu to visit Lin Changmin at the beginning. He later recalled that Lin Huiyin was wearing two braids at the time, and he and Xu Zhimo were almost called uncles.Later, as the relationship deepened, Lin Huiyin also developed feelings for Xu Zhimo, although this feeling was not exactly the same as Xu Zhimo's feelings for her.She loves Xu Zhimo's broad knowledge, independent views, bold and unrestrained temperament, and his frankness and sincerity.

Although Xu Zhimo is 8 years older than her and is her elder brother in terms of age, in her heart she regards him as a childlike "real person" with the heart of a child.She is grateful to Xu Zhimo for opening up the space of her heart and life for her, and her spirit has been stretched and sublimated in this communication.She admitted that she liked being with Xu Zhimo, and she had never talked so much with any opposite sex except her father. After all, Lin Huiyin is only 16 years old, and all emotional experiences, including flustered dizziness, joy, fear, shyness, doubts, and worries, are the first time for her.She still can't quite tell how much of her feelings for Xu Zhimo is friendship and how much is admiration between the opposite sex.Perhaps, all these emotions were originally entangled with each other.In the words of Lin Huiyin's lifelong friend Fei Weimei: "She was fascinated by Xu Zhimo's character, his pursuit and his passionate feelings for her... full of enthusiasm for him opening her eyes and arousing her new yearning. Grateful." "Listening to her talking about Xu Zhimo many years later, I noticed that her memory was always associated with literary masters——Shelley, Keats, Byron, Mansfield, Virginia Wolfe and others. It seems to me that in his beloved he may have assumed the role of teacher and guide, leading her into the world of English poetry and drama, with new beauties, new ideals, new feelings.”

After the initial panic passed, Lin Huiyin calmed down.Facing her heart and her true yearning, the illusion faded and her wish became clear. She said to herself in frustration: How is this possible? She reflected on herself sadly: At the beginning, it was precisely because she knew clearly that Xu Zhimo had a family that she could associate with him without scruples. How could she do things that would destroy other people's families.What's more, Huiyin, who was born in a famous family and lived with his grandparents since childhood, grew up in traditional ethics education.Although she has read a lot of western literature, her simple life experience, her proud temperament and her rationality make her not do anything contrary to the tradition and the family's prestige.

Later, she said calmly: "What Xu Zhimo loved at the time was not the real me, but Lin Huiyin, who he imagined with the poet's romantic emotions, but I was actually not the person he thought in his mind." This incident spread to China, and Huiyin's aunts were unprecedentedly unanimous in this life-long event concerning Huiyin.They could never have imagined that the young lady of the Lin family would marry a married man.The letter they wrote to Lin Changmin was strongly worded, conveying the will and voice of the family. Years later, Fei Weimei said of the past: "Xu Zhimo's enthusiasm for her did not elicit an equal response. His intrusion into her life was a major adventure. But it did not draw her away from her. The family chooses the future path for her."

In the autumn of 1921, Lin Changmin's time to study abroad expired. In October, Lin Huiyin returned to China with his father by sea ship.