Chapter 31 Solitary
She is not a bird in a cage. A bird in a cage will fly out when the cage is opened.She is the bird embroidered on the screen—a white bird in a golden cloud on a screen of brooding purple satin.
There was Zhang Ailing in the world, there was such a legendary woman in the world, who came and went like that.The Republic of China sounds so far away from us.So many years of morning clouds and evening rain, so many years of spring and autumn, how many stories have been barren.Zhang Ailing, this well-known name, also seems to come from a long-standing legend, which is beyond our reach.However, she is actually very close to us. Many of us who are alive have lived with her for ten, twenty, or even longer. In the 1980s, Eileen Chang was still in the majestic city of Los Angeles.At that time, China, after countless turbulent waves, gradually returned to calm.Zhang Ailing, who had been submerged by the times for several years, came back again, and her writing was passed on by readers in mainland China.For Zhang Ailing, this is a belated love. Although she has long since ignored it, she also gave us many belated blessings. About the name Zhang Ailing, about the many beautiful lines in Zhang Ailing's works, about the stories she wrote, and the love experience she experienced in her life, are sought, sought after and treasured by numerous readers.But Eileen Chang, who is far away in a foreign country, doesn't pay attention to all this hustle and bustle.Wang Mojie once wrote a poem: "In old age, I only want to be quiet, and I don't care about everything." Perhaps when a person reaches a certain age, he will let go of everything that should be let go and what should not be let go. What did Eileen Chang do in Los Angeles in the 1980s?In 1979, aunt Zhang Maoyuan went through many twists and turns, and finally, with the help of Song Qi, wrote Zhang Ailing her first letter after being lost for many years.As I said before, Zhang Maoyuan stayed alone for fifty years, and finally got married with her first love, Li Kaidi.This year is exactly 1979. Zhang Ailing was very pleased to hear this news.She once said that she believed that her aunt would definitely get married, even at the age of eighty.Sure enough, Zhang Maoyuan found his own home in the twilight of his life.And she has been living in the apartment named Carlden where Aileen left all these years.Unexpectedly, this fashionable woman is so persistent and nostalgic. Later, my younger brother Zhang Zijing also got in touch with Zhang Ailing.Compared with Zhang Ailing, Zhang Zijing seems to be more desolate and lonely.All his life, his parents didn't love him, his sister wasn't close, and his aunt didn't show pity.A mediocre life, never married.At that time, his father Zhang Tingzhong had passed away long ago, and his stepmother, Sun Yongfan, was baptized and spent the rest of the year alone.Zhang Ailing is as indifferent to her younger brother Zhang Zijing as ever, maybe this is her way of doing things.For Hu Lancheng, her approach was ruthless, and she also felt that she cared too little for the mainland. Zhang Ailing in the 1980s was considered to be very popular in mainland China.But living in Los Angeles, her life is not stable and peaceful.At that time, she was busy doing one thing frequently, which was moving.From 1984 to 1988, during those years, it is said that she moved on average once a week.It can be seen how many crimes Zhang Ailing suffered in her later years and how tired she was. Why is she moving so frequently?Is it to hide from people, to hide from the world?What are you still afraid of?It's hard to imagine that she was trying to avoid fleas.Life is a gorgeous cheongsam covered with fleas.Unexpectedly, this amazing sentence written when I was young has become like a curse, fulfilled in my body.It is definitely unreal to move once a week, but it shows that the number of times she moves is really amazing. Zhang Ailing once wrote to Xia Zhiqing and said: "I am busy moving in the morning every day, and go to the city in the afternoon (click, mainly to see a doctor). Sometimes it is past midnight when I come back, and the last bus stops, and I have to call a car—the rest The time is only enough to eat and sleep..." At that time, Zhang Ailing mainly lived in a motel with a simple environment, which was convenient for her.In order to lighten her burden, she discarded as much of her belongings as possible.Later, moving became a habit, and there were only a handful of things that could be left behind. Mr. Zhuang Xinzheng was very worried about Zhang Ailing's health, so he asked his friend Lin Shitong to take care of Zhang Ailing.For the first time, Lin Shitong found the hotel where Zhang Ailing lived with Zhuang Xinzheng's letter and rang the doorbell. The people inside only opened the door a thin crack.She said sorry, she didn't change her clothes, just put the letter at the door.Lin Shitong did as he did. He had no idea what kind of woman lived in it, but it gave him an extremely mysterious feeling. Eileen Chang really lived alone, she made up her mind that she would never see anyone who passed by.Until a year later, she moved frequently, and she didn't want to deal with many people, so she could only turn to Lin Shitong for help.They met in a motel, and according to Lin Shitong’s recollection: “A tall, thin, dashing lady walked in, with a gray square scarf wrapped around her head, and a large almost gray lantern covering her body. Clothes just floated over without a sound." In order to avoid fleas, Zhang Ailing had to cut off her hair, wrap it in a kerchief, and wear fur slippers.In the following years of hiding from fleas, she always dressed up like this, or wore a wig, like a homeless old man, wandering back and forth.During this period, not only did she lose her English translation, she even lost her immigration documents.It's heartbreaking to be so miserable. At that time, many people wondered whether there were really fleas or whether she had psychological problems.It is indeed true, Zhang Ailing said, the fleas of the South American species are very tenacious, too small to be seen by the naked eye, and cannot be killed at all.Later, Sima Xin, a Chinese-American and Harvard graduate student, met through Xia Zhiqing and Zhang Ailing.He turned around and asked someone to find a famous doctor in Los Angeles to treat Eileen Chang.Sure enough, Zhang Ailing's illness was cured, and Ailing wrote a letter praising the famous doctor as "a brilliant doctor, and I admire her to the extreme." The poor old man finally ended his difficult moving career.In 1988, Zhang Ailing wrote to Lin Shitong that her skin disease was finally cured and she could find a permanent residence for her.Before Lin Shitong showed up, she had already found an apartment and lived in it.Compared with those motels, this apartment is much neater and more elegant.Of course, the price is also expensive, hundreds of dollars a month. Zhang Ailing has a stable manuscript fee, she is not short of money, what she lacks is stability.Here, she still lives her life cautiously, avoiding going out as much as possible.Occasionally she goes out for shopping, and she buys many daily necessities at once.The number of times she went downstairs to get the letter was also very rare, rarely once in ten days and a half months, and every time it was in the dead of night, she didn't want to see anyone.Every day, she hides in the house, except for watching the people on TV and listening to the voices inside, her world can be said to be completely quiet. However, she who does not fight with the world is still disturbed by others.This person is an admirer of Zhang Ailing, Ms. Dai Wencai from Taiwan.It is said that she is a reporter for a certain newspaper in Taiwan, but no matter who she is, it is indeed inappropriate for her to deliberately disturb an old man who only wants to die. When Ms. Dai Wencai finally found the apartment where Zhang Ailing lived after several twists and turns, she rented the room next to Zhang Ailing without hesitation and began a long wait.In fact, she didn't mean to disturb her, she just wanted to hide in a corner and watch her silently.As a result, this wait was a whole month.She pressed against the wall every day, trying to hear some movements in Zhang Ailing's room.Finally, she waited for an opportunity, that is Zhang Ailing came out to take out the trash. "She's really thin, with a top weight of just over eighty pounds. She was born with long hands and long legs, but her frame was extremely narrow. She was wearing a white shirt and a blue skirt that was as bright as the shore of Luo Jiashui. She tucked the shirt into the skirt like a schoolgirl. There are countless small pleats on the waist, like a soft handbag that only closes. Because it is too thin, the pleats on the shoulders of the shirt and the hem of the skirt are never rounded, and the straight lines make it too slender and not to be insulted... I was thinking Taking another look, she turned her body slightly, and I hurried away, afraid of disturbing her...Because the distance was too far, I still couldn't see her eyebrows and eyes clearly, but it was already very shocking, as if I saw Lin Daiyu walking out of the book to bury her. The flowers are so real that they are almost unreal. Time cannot penetrate Eileen Chang's own atmosphere, and even reminds me of the Wizard of Oz..." Ms. Dai Wencai made such a detailed description under the circumstances that she could not clearly see Eileen Eileen Chang's eyebrows.Zhang Ailing was a person who took pictures of flowers near the water in the Republic of China, and what Dai Wencai saw was just flowers in the mirror of the water, like a dream. This persistent woman was unwilling to wait for more than a month and got nothing.So she hooked up all the paper bags that Zhang Ailing had just dropped in the trash can with branches, read and rummaged through the trash.Apart from knowing some trivial things in Zhang Ailing's life, as well as the discarded letter paper and manuscript paper of her, Xia Zhiqing and others, there is nothing else.But Dai Wencai treated these rubbish like treasures, and wrote an interview with eloquence: "My Neighbor Zhang Ailing". Later, Xia Zhiqing found out about this matter. He was afraid of hurting Zhang Ailing, so he called Zhuang Xinzheng immediately.Zhuang Xinzheng didn't dare to be negligent, and called Zhang Ailing, who usually did not answer the phone, but she got through with her heart.After she heard this, she immediately hung up the phone and moved as quickly as possible.In this way, Zhang Ailing moved away silently under Dai Wencai's eyes.Except for Lin Shitong, no one knows her address anymore. This lonely and helpless old man lived too hard in order to escape the troubles of the world.She was supposed to live a peaceful life, a stable and peaceful life, a cup of tea, a few books, occasional gatherings with close friends.It has nothing to do with Fengyue, just lightly tell some past events.But she didn't, she chose to forget everyone, and she also expected to be forgotten. Is it really that difficult to be pure, alienated, and quiet?If the world promised her one last promise, it would be to live forgotten.She is willing to compromise with this merciful world with the rest of her dying years.
There was Zhang Ailing in the world, there was such a legendary woman in the world, who came and went like that.The Republic of China sounds so far away from us.So many years of morning clouds and evening rain, so many years of spring and autumn, how many stories have been barren.Zhang Ailing, this well-known name, also seems to come from a long-standing legend, which is beyond our reach.However, she is actually very close to us. Many of us who are alive have lived with her for ten, twenty, or even longer. In the 1980s, Eileen Chang was still in the majestic city of Los Angeles.At that time, China, after countless turbulent waves, gradually returned to calm.Zhang Ailing, who had been submerged by the times for several years, came back again, and her writing was passed on by readers in mainland China.For Zhang Ailing, this is a belated love. Although she has long since ignored it, she also gave us many belated blessings. About the name Zhang Ailing, about the many beautiful lines in Zhang Ailing's works, about the stories she wrote, and the love experience she experienced in her life, are sought, sought after and treasured by numerous readers.But Eileen Chang, who is far away in a foreign country, doesn't pay attention to all this hustle and bustle.Wang Mojie once wrote a poem: "In old age, I only want to be quiet, and I don't care about everything." Perhaps when a person reaches a certain age, he will let go of everything that should be let go and what should not be let go. What did Eileen Chang do in Los Angeles in the 1980s?In 1979, aunt Zhang Maoyuan went through many twists and turns, and finally, with the help of Song Qi, wrote Zhang Ailing her first letter after being lost for many years.As I said before, Zhang Maoyuan stayed alone for fifty years, and finally got married with her first love, Li Kaidi.This year is exactly 1979. Zhang Ailing was very pleased to hear this news.She once said that she believed that her aunt would definitely get married, even at the age of eighty.Sure enough, Zhang Maoyuan found his own home in the twilight of his life.And she has been living in the apartment named Carlden where Aileen left all these years.Unexpectedly, this fashionable woman is so persistent and nostalgic. Later, my younger brother Zhang Zijing also got in touch with Zhang Ailing.Compared with Zhang Ailing, Zhang Zijing seems to be more desolate and lonely.All his life, his parents didn't love him, his sister wasn't close, and his aunt didn't show pity.A mediocre life, never married.At that time, his father Zhang Tingzhong had passed away long ago, and his stepmother, Sun Yongfan, was baptized and spent the rest of the year alone.Zhang Ailing is as indifferent to her younger brother Zhang Zijing as ever, maybe this is her way of doing things.For Hu Lancheng, her approach was ruthless, and she also felt that she cared too little for the mainland. Zhang Ailing in the 1980s was considered to be very popular in mainland China.But living in Los Angeles, her life is not stable and peaceful.At that time, she was busy doing one thing frequently, which was moving.From 1984 to 1988, during those years, it is said that she moved on average once a week.It can be seen how many crimes Zhang Ailing suffered in her later years and how tired she was. Why is she moving so frequently?Is it to hide from people, to hide from the world?What are you still afraid of?It's hard to imagine that she was trying to avoid fleas.Life is a gorgeous cheongsam covered with fleas.Unexpectedly, this amazing sentence written when I was young has become like a curse, fulfilled in my body.It is definitely unreal to move once a week, but it shows that the number of times she moves is really amazing. Zhang Ailing once wrote to Xia Zhiqing and said: "I am busy moving in the morning every day, and go to the city in the afternoon (click, mainly to see a doctor). Sometimes it is past midnight when I come back, and the last bus stops, and I have to call a car—the rest The time is only enough to eat and sleep..." At that time, Zhang Ailing mainly lived in a motel with a simple environment, which was convenient for her.In order to lighten her burden, she discarded as much of her belongings as possible.Later, moving became a habit, and there were only a handful of things that could be left behind. Mr. Zhuang Xinzheng was very worried about Zhang Ailing's health, so he asked his friend Lin Shitong to take care of Zhang Ailing.For the first time, Lin Shitong found the hotel where Zhang Ailing lived with Zhuang Xinzheng's letter and rang the doorbell. The people inside only opened the door a thin crack.She said sorry, she didn't change her clothes, just put the letter at the door.Lin Shitong did as he did. He had no idea what kind of woman lived in it, but it gave him an extremely mysterious feeling. Eileen Chang really lived alone, she made up her mind that she would never see anyone who passed by.Until a year later, she moved frequently, and she didn't want to deal with many people, so she could only turn to Lin Shitong for help.They met in a motel, and according to Lin Shitong’s recollection: “A tall, thin, dashing lady walked in, with a gray square scarf wrapped around her head, and a large almost gray lantern covering her body. Clothes just floated over without a sound." In order to avoid fleas, Zhang Ailing had to cut off her hair, wrap it in a kerchief, and wear fur slippers.In the following years of hiding from fleas, she always dressed up like this, or wore a wig, like a homeless old man, wandering back and forth.During this period, not only did she lose her English translation, she even lost her immigration documents.It's heartbreaking to be so miserable. At that time, many people wondered whether there were really fleas or whether she had psychological problems.It is indeed true, Zhang Ailing said, the fleas of the South American species are very tenacious, too small to be seen by the naked eye, and cannot be killed at all.Later, Sima Xin, a Chinese-American and Harvard graduate student, met through Xia Zhiqing and Zhang Ailing.He turned around and asked someone to find a famous doctor in Los Angeles to treat Eileen Chang.Sure enough, Zhang Ailing's illness was cured, and Ailing wrote a letter praising the famous doctor as "a brilliant doctor, and I admire her to the extreme." The poor old man finally ended his difficult moving career.In 1988, Zhang Ailing wrote to Lin Shitong that her skin disease was finally cured and she could find a permanent residence for her.Before Lin Shitong showed up, she had already found an apartment and lived in it.Compared with those motels, this apartment is much neater and more elegant.Of course, the price is also expensive, hundreds of dollars a month. Zhang Ailing has a stable manuscript fee, she is not short of money, what she lacks is stability.Here, she still lives her life cautiously, avoiding going out as much as possible.Occasionally she goes out for shopping, and she buys many daily necessities at once.The number of times she went downstairs to get the letter was also very rare, rarely once in ten days and a half months, and every time it was in the dead of night, she didn't want to see anyone.Every day, she hides in the house, except for watching the people on TV and listening to the voices inside, her world can be said to be completely quiet. However, she who does not fight with the world is still disturbed by others.This person is an admirer of Zhang Ailing, Ms. Dai Wencai from Taiwan.It is said that she is a reporter for a certain newspaper in Taiwan, but no matter who she is, it is indeed inappropriate for her to deliberately disturb an old man who only wants to die. When Ms. Dai Wencai finally found the apartment where Zhang Ailing lived after several twists and turns, she rented the room next to Zhang Ailing without hesitation and began a long wait.In fact, she didn't mean to disturb her, she just wanted to hide in a corner and watch her silently.As a result, this wait was a whole month.She pressed against the wall every day, trying to hear some movements in Zhang Ailing's room.Finally, she waited for an opportunity, that is Zhang Ailing came out to take out the trash. "She's really thin, with a top weight of just over eighty pounds. She was born with long hands and long legs, but her frame was extremely narrow. She was wearing a white shirt and a blue skirt that was as bright as the shore of Luo Jiashui. She tucked the shirt into the skirt like a schoolgirl. There are countless small pleats on the waist, like a soft handbag that only closes. Because it is too thin, the pleats on the shoulders of the shirt and the hem of the skirt are never rounded, and the straight lines make it too slender and not to be insulted... I was thinking Taking another look, she turned her body slightly, and I hurried away, afraid of disturbing her...Because the distance was too far, I still couldn't see her eyebrows and eyes clearly, but it was already very shocking, as if I saw Lin Daiyu walking out of the book to bury her. The flowers are so real that they are almost unreal. Time cannot penetrate Eileen Chang's own atmosphere, and even reminds me of the Wizard of Oz..." Ms. Dai Wencai made such a detailed description under the circumstances that she could not clearly see Eileen Eileen Chang's eyebrows.Zhang Ailing was a person who took pictures of flowers near the water in the Republic of China, and what Dai Wencai saw was just flowers in the mirror of the water, like a dream. This persistent woman was unwilling to wait for more than a month and got nothing.So she hooked up all the paper bags that Zhang Ailing had just dropped in the trash can with branches, read and rummaged through the trash.Apart from knowing some trivial things in Zhang Ailing's life, as well as the discarded letter paper and manuscript paper of her, Xia Zhiqing and others, there is nothing else.But Dai Wencai treated these rubbish like treasures, and wrote an interview with eloquence: "My Neighbor Zhang Ailing". Later, Xia Zhiqing found out about this matter. He was afraid of hurting Zhang Ailing, so he called Zhuang Xinzheng immediately.Zhuang Xinzheng didn't dare to be negligent, and called Zhang Ailing, who usually did not answer the phone, but she got through with her heart.After she heard this, she immediately hung up the phone and moved as quickly as possible.In this way, Zhang Ailing moved away silently under Dai Wencai's eyes.Except for Lin Shitong, no one knows her address anymore. This lonely and helpless old man lived too hard in order to escape the troubles of the world.She was supposed to live a peaceful life, a stable and peaceful life, a cup of tea, a few books, occasional gatherings with close friends.It has nothing to do with Fengyue, just lightly tell some past events.But she didn't, she chose to forget everyone, and she also expected to be forgotten. Is it really that difficult to be pure, alienated, and quiet?If the world promised her one last promise, it would be to live forgotten.She is willing to compromise with this merciful world with the rest of her dying years.