Chapter 30 Tiredness hides the door
Only the young are free.As we grow older, we sink inch by inch into the quagmire of habit.Lonely people have their own quagmire.
Once said, maybe I live in a forgotten town, forgotten.How can we be forgotten, and how can we completely stay away from the hustle and bustle.Build a thatched hut by the Yunya water, find a temple in the deep mountains and secluded forests, or set up a chaimen on the ancient roads in the countryside.This is not true concealment, because standing in the vast and silent world, you will feel that you are so dignified and abrupt.The ancients said that the big hermit lives in the city.If you really want to be forgotten, it is better to hide in the world of mortals. In the hustle and bustle of cars and horses and the hustle and bustle of people, you are just a tiny dust particle, so insignificant. Many people can't understand Zhang Ailing's lifestyle in her later years.Why did she want to hide alone in a foreign country and live a life isolated from others.Is she loitering?If a person's heart is peaceful, why should he be afraid of the wind and rain in the world?After Lai Ya's death, Zhang Ailing cooperated with Crown Publishing House, and she had enough money to live a stable life.She can even go back to China, to her favorite Shanghai, find an elegant apartment, and live the life she wants.Wrapped in cheongsam, black tea and snacks, and my aunt Zhang Maoyuan lived in a small building to form a unified life, regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter. But she doesn't want to, she was born to die, she is not living in seclusion, she is running away.In fact, Zhang Ailing is a brave man of the years. After all, she aged alone and peacefully, and did not end herself in advance.She doesn't want to go back to her hometown, or walk in the sun, because she feels that the good times of life are gone.She didn't want to do unnecessary mourning and regret, so she chose to live freely.Maybe even she herself didn't know why. In California, Eileen Chang made an exception and received a persistent visitor for a long time.After this time, she settled in Los Angeles and never had any long-term contact with anyone.This lucky visitor is called Crystal, formerly known as Yang Yi, who graduated from the Department of Foreign Languages at National Taiwan University, and then taught at the University of California.In September 1970, he got the opportunity to go to Berkeley University for a year of study, so he and Zhang Ailing met this fate. When Jing Jing was studying at National Taiwan University, she was very obsessed with Zhang Ailing's works.I heard that my friend Wang Zhenhe once hosted Zhang Ailing in Taipei, and I was very envious.This time I was lucky to be close to her, and I didn't want to rub shoulders so easily.But he didn't know that it was so difficult to meet Zhang Ailing.He came to see him several times and made phone calls, but Eileen Chang politely refused.When he was about to leave Berkeley University, he unexpectedly received a letter from Zhang Ailing, saying that he hoped to meet before he left. Crystal thanked God for his grace, so that he could finally have this one-sided relationship with Zhang Ailing, and had a seven-hour long talk.When Eileen Chang met Hu Lancheng for the first time, she only talked for five hours.This Mr. Crystal really got her kind treatment.Walking into Zhang Ailing's apartment, Jingjing remembered Hu Lancheng's words, seeing Zhang Ailing, the world would be shaken in various ways, and there is a military spirit in her room.However, when I saw it, it was very different from what I had imagined. The feeling was hard to express in words, but she was deeply awed by it. Mr. Crystal described Zhang Ailing's room with his meticulous brushstrokes: "Her living room is like a snow cave, with no decorations or photos on the wall, and a row of long glass windows facing the floor. She got up and opened the white veil, and the towering The sycamores, under the street lights, come dazzling with the swaying fresh green. In the distance, you can see the entire night view of San Francisco. Across the vast Jinshan Bay and seamounts, the rapidly changing lights are like the sentence in "营营Flying a nest of red stars, and a nest of green stars.'” When Jing Jing met Zhang Ailing, she was already over half a hundred years old. Through his words, we can clearly see the appearance of 51-year-old Zhang Ailing: "Of course she is very thin-many people have written about this thinness, especially the thin one. It's two arms, if I borrow Du Lao's poem to describe it, it's 'Qinghui jade arm cold'. It seems that all the strength and blood in her life have flowed into the grid of her manuscript paper." How well said, it seems that everything about Zhang Ailing has flowed into the grid of the manuscript paper.Her soul is in her big and clear eyes.However, Zhang Ailing, who has gone through vicissitudes, did not meet her readers with a haggard and indifferent attitude.She was wearing a green lotus-colored cheongsam with a high collar. She raised her face slightly and sat on the sofa with a slanted body. She was very happy and smiling. "Her laughter sounded a bit tired, and it was the kind of laughter of a little girl about ten years old. It is completely unbelievable that she has lived for half a century." Maybe you can't get close to Eileen Chang , I really can't know what she looks like.She is naturally different from ordinary people, and that special temperament can only be deeply felt when they really meet each other.But I believe that no one can get close to her heart, maybe no one has ever walked in. This long conversation covered a wide range of topics, as well as in-depth.Some works are mainly mentioned, such as ,, "Xiepu Tide", ,, "The First Incense", and so on.Zhang Ailing also mentioned the writers since the May Fourth Movement. She likes to read Shen Congwen's works very much.She also talked about some Taiwanese writers. She felt that frequent gatherings of Taiwanese writers were actually very bad.I think it's better for the writers to spread out a little so as not to hinder each other. During this conversation, Eileen Chang drank coffee frequently.She even told Crystal that she actually loves tea, but she can't buy good tea in the United States, so she can only drink coffee.Hu Lancheng said before that Zhang Ailing likes to make a big cup of strong black tea, hold a book and eat snacks in the afternoon.In fact, what she likes in her bones is the kind of easy life, which is very Chinese and traditional.It's just that her life has been turbulent, and she has been replaced by this sloppy way, so she has to cater to it and go on desperately. For Zhang Ailing, this long conversation was almost the only one in her life.The meeting between friends is sometimes only once in a lifetime.The reason why she met Crystal was actually just a coincidence, it was her accidental rise.For her, it was accidental and unintentional.But for crystal, it is unforgettable and will never be forgotten. Later he wrote an article "Cicada - Interview with Zhang Ailing at Night", and he gave Zhang Ailing a wonderful metaphor. "I think Zhang Ailing is very similar to a cicada. Although the thin gauze wings are fragile, the cellulose of the body is very solid, and the latent power is also great. Moreover, it can hide deep in the shade of willows as soon as it flies." But, hiding in Zhang Ailing, who is deep in the shade of willows, is always a blockbuster.We are often shocked and moved by the voice in her words, but we don't know where she is or whether she is really well. In 1973, Zhang Ailing settled in Los Angeles.Since then, the last heart door has been closed, and the world of mortals does not care about each other.Zhang Ailing asked Mr. Zhuang Xinzheng to help her find a suitable residence. The apartment that Zhuang Xinzheng helped her find was in the Hollywood area.With a stable residence, Zhang Ailing completely calmed down to translate and study. The dialogues in the whole book are written in Suzhou dialect, which is a miracle for readers who do not understand the dialect.Eileen Chang will be translated into Mandarin and English.It is her hard work and persistence that fills the regrets and vacancies in many people's hearts. And the most difficult and grueling thing is the correct textual research.Zhang Ailing once said that there are three hatreds in life: the first hates that the crabapple has no fragrance, the second hates the prickly shad, and the third hates endless.Eileen Chang felt that her life had no more color, what should have come has been, what should have gone has gone.What she wanted, and what she had, though not so much, she wanted no more.She hoped that she could complete the unfinished Dream of Red Mansions with a thin pen and a clean heart. Zhang Ailing's good friend Song Qi would ask Zhang Ailing in a letter every few days: "How are you doing?" It seems that this dream will never wake up, and it will always be so unfinished.Zhang Ailing's research on the novel lasted ten years, and in 1977, with more than 240,000 words, it was finally published by Taipei Crown Publishing House.While feeling the joy of harvesting, her heart is also extremely empty, because she has one less goal in life. Ten years of ups and downs, ten years of stories, there are still a few decades left in her life, and a few more beginnings. "Falling is a tragedy of time. As soon as the boyhood is over, you are expelled from the Garden of Eden. The family has changed, and it has already happened in the vulgar and bleak adult world. And the official career that is just and logical is vulnerable, so unreliable. After seeing through Baoyu finally became a monk, fulfilling the seemingly unreliable vows he made to Daiyu." The oath is unreliable after all, no matter whether it has been fulfilled or not at all, don't worry about it.At the opening of a play with the sound of gongs and drums, you must know the desertedness when the lights are gone after the show is over.Everyone has regrets in their life, Cao Xueqin has unfinished regrets, and Zhang Ailing regrets the unfinished article. Zhang Ailing spent the rest of her days sorting out her "Contrast Notes".Include some real pasts and record those scattered fleeting years.Eileen Chang went through countless relocations and discarded many things, but the old photo album that was off the line and covered in dust has always been with her.The famous writer Li Bihua said: "These surviving old photos are not only precious, but also quite flavorful. They are the 'aftertaste' beyond words. Holding them in your hands and turning them page by page, it is like a self-portrait vaguely in the chaotic lines: naive, grown-up , lush, desolate..." Time is a mirror. Sitting in front of the mirror, you can see the changing face of your life, the journey you have experienced, the flow of people passing by, and the stories that happened.It's just that you can't modify it, you can only watch and watch until the image in the mirror is blurred.Until one day, it no longer exists.
Once said, maybe I live in a forgotten town, forgotten.How can we be forgotten, and how can we completely stay away from the hustle and bustle.Build a thatched hut by the Yunya water, find a temple in the deep mountains and secluded forests, or set up a chaimen on the ancient roads in the countryside.This is not true concealment, because standing in the vast and silent world, you will feel that you are so dignified and abrupt.The ancients said that the big hermit lives in the city.If you really want to be forgotten, it is better to hide in the world of mortals. In the hustle and bustle of cars and horses and the hustle and bustle of people, you are just a tiny dust particle, so insignificant. Many people can't understand Zhang Ailing's lifestyle in her later years.Why did she want to hide alone in a foreign country and live a life isolated from others.Is she loitering?If a person's heart is peaceful, why should he be afraid of the wind and rain in the world?After Lai Ya's death, Zhang Ailing cooperated with Crown Publishing House, and she had enough money to live a stable life.She can even go back to China, to her favorite Shanghai, find an elegant apartment, and live the life she wants.Wrapped in cheongsam, black tea and snacks, and my aunt Zhang Maoyuan lived in a small building to form a unified life, regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter. But she doesn't want to, she was born to die, she is not living in seclusion, she is running away.In fact, Zhang Ailing is a brave man of the years. After all, she aged alone and peacefully, and did not end herself in advance.She doesn't want to go back to her hometown, or walk in the sun, because she feels that the good times of life are gone.She didn't want to do unnecessary mourning and regret, so she chose to live freely.Maybe even she herself didn't know why. In California, Eileen Chang made an exception and received a persistent visitor for a long time.After this time, she settled in Los Angeles and never had any long-term contact with anyone.This lucky visitor is called Crystal, formerly known as Yang Yi, who graduated from the Department of Foreign Languages at National Taiwan University, and then taught at the University of California.In September 1970, he got the opportunity to go to Berkeley University for a year of study, so he and Zhang Ailing met this fate. When Jing Jing was studying at National Taiwan University, she was very obsessed with Zhang Ailing's works.I heard that my friend Wang Zhenhe once hosted Zhang Ailing in Taipei, and I was very envious.This time I was lucky to be close to her, and I didn't want to rub shoulders so easily.But he didn't know that it was so difficult to meet Zhang Ailing.He came to see him several times and made phone calls, but Eileen Chang politely refused.When he was about to leave Berkeley University, he unexpectedly received a letter from Zhang Ailing, saying that he hoped to meet before he left. Crystal thanked God for his grace, so that he could finally have this one-sided relationship with Zhang Ailing, and had a seven-hour long talk.When Eileen Chang met Hu Lancheng for the first time, she only talked for five hours.This Mr. Crystal really got her kind treatment.Walking into Zhang Ailing's apartment, Jingjing remembered Hu Lancheng's words, seeing Zhang Ailing, the world would be shaken in various ways, and there is a military spirit in her room.However, when I saw it, it was very different from what I had imagined. The feeling was hard to express in words, but she was deeply awed by it. Mr. Crystal described Zhang Ailing's room with his meticulous brushstrokes: "Her living room is like a snow cave, with no decorations or photos on the wall, and a row of long glass windows facing the floor. She got up and opened the white veil, and the towering The sycamores, under the street lights, come dazzling with the swaying fresh green. In the distance, you can see the entire night view of San Francisco. Across the vast Jinshan Bay and seamounts, the rapidly changing lights are like the sentence in "营营Flying a nest of red stars, and a nest of green stars.'” When Jing Jing met Zhang Ailing, she was already over half a hundred years old. Through his words, we can clearly see the appearance of 51-year-old Zhang Ailing: "Of course she is very thin-many people have written about this thinness, especially the thin one. It's two arms, if I borrow Du Lao's poem to describe it, it's 'Qinghui jade arm cold'. It seems that all the strength and blood in her life have flowed into the grid of her manuscript paper." How well said, it seems that everything about Zhang Ailing has flowed into the grid of the manuscript paper.Her soul is in her big and clear eyes.However, Zhang Ailing, who has gone through vicissitudes, did not meet her readers with a haggard and indifferent attitude.She was wearing a green lotus-colored cheongsam with a high collar. She raised her face slightly and sat on the sofa with a slanted body. She was very happy and smiling. "Her laughter sounded a bit tired, and it was the kind of laughter of a little girl about ten years old. It is completely unbelievable that she has lived for half a century." Maybe you can't get close to Eileen Chang , I really can't know what she looks like.She is naturally different from ordinary people, and that special temperament can only be deeply felt when they really meet each other.But I believe that no one can get close to her heart, maybe no one has ever walked in. This long conversation covered a wide range of topics, as well as in-depth.Some works are mainly mentioned, such as ,, "Xiepu Tide", ,, "The First Incense", and so on.Zhang Ailing also mentioned the writers since the May Fourth Movement. She likes to read Shen Congwen's works very much.She also talked about some Taiwanese writers. She felt that frequent gatherings of Taiwanese writers were actually very bad.I think it's better for the writers to spread out a little so as not to hinder each other. During this conversation, Eileen Chang drank coffee frequently.She even told Crystal that she actually loves tea, but she can't buy good tea in the United States, so she can only drink coffee.Hu Lancheng said before that Zhang Ailing likes to make a big cup of strong black tea, hold a book and eat snacks in the afternoon.In fact, what she likes in her bones is the kind of easy life, which is very Chinese and traditional.It's just that her life has been turbulent, and she has been replaced by this sloppy way, so she has to cater to it and go on desperately. For Zhang Ailing, this long conversation was almost the only one in her life.The meeting between friends is sometimes only once in a lifetime.The reason why she met Crystal was actually just a coincidence, it was her accidental rise.For her, it was accidental and unintentional.But for crystal, it is unforgettable and will never be forgotten. Later he wrote an article "Cicada - Interview with Zhang Ailing at Night", and he gave Zhang Ailing a wonderful metaphor. "I think Zhang Ailing is very similar to a cicada. Although the thin gauze wings are fragile, the cellulose of the body is very solid, and the latent power is also great. Moreover, it can hide deep in the shade of willows as soon as it flies." But, hiding in Zhang Ailing, who is deep in the shade of willows, is always a blockbuster.We are often shocked and moved by the voice in her words, but we don't know where she is or whether she is really well. In 1973, Zhang Ailing settled in Los Angeles.Since then, the last heart door has been closed, and the world of mortals does not care about each other.Zhang Ailing asked Mr. Zhuang Xinzheng to help her find a suitable residence. The apartment that Zhuang Xinzheng helped her find was in the Hollywood area.With a stable residence, Zhang Ailing completely calmed down to translate and study. The dialogues in the whole book are written in Suzhou dialect, which is a miracle for readers who do not understand the dialect.Eileen Chang will be translated into Mandarin and English.It is her hard work and persistence that fills the regrets and vacancies in many people's hearts. And the most difficult and grueling thing is the correct textual research.Zhang Ailing once said that there are three hatreds in life: the first hates that the crabapple has no fragrance, the second hates the prickly shad, and the third hates endless.Eileen Chang felt that her life had no more color, what should have come has been, what should have gone has gone.What she wanted, and what she had, though not so much, she wanted no more.She hoped that she could complete the unfinished Dream of Red Mansions with a thin pen and a clean heart. Zhang Ailing's good friend Song Qi would ask Zhang Ailing in a letter every few days: "How are you doing?" It seems that this dream will never wake up, and it will always be so unfinished.Zhang Ailing's research on the novel lasted ten years, and in 1977, with more than 240,000 words, it was finally published by Taipei Crown Publishing House.While feeling the joy of harvesting, her heart is also extremely empty, because she has one less goal in life. Ten years of ups and downs, ten years of stories, there are still a few decades left in her life, and a few more beginnings. "Falling is a tragedy of time. As soon as the boyhood is over, you are expelled from the Garden of Eden. The family has changed, and it has already happened in the vulgar and bleak adult world. And the official career that is just and logical is vulnerable, so unreliable. After seeing through Baoyu finally became a monk, fulfilling the seemingly unreliable vows he made to Daiyu." The oath is unreliable after all, no matter whether it has been fulfilled or not at all, don't worry about it.At the opening of a play with the sound of gongs and drums, you must know the desertedness when the lights are gone after the show is over.Everyone has regrets in their life, Cao Xueqin has unfinished regrets, and Zhang Ailing regrets the unfinished article. Zhang Ailing spent the rest of her days sorting out her "Contrast Notes".Include some real pasts and record those scattered fleeting years.Eileen Chang went through countless relocations and discarded many things, but the old photo album that was off the line and covered in dust has always been with her.The famous writer Li Bihua said: "These surviving old photos are not only precious, but also quite flavorful. They are the 'aftertaste' beyond words. Holding them in your hands and turning them page by page, it is like a self-portrait vaguely in the chaotic lines: naive, grown-up , lush, desolate..." Time is a mirror. Sitting in front of the mirror, you can see the changing face of your life, the journey you have experienced, the flow of people passing by, and the stories that happened.It's just that you can't modify it, you can only watch and watch until the image in the mirror is blurred.Until one day, it no longer exists.