Chapter 5 Chapter Four

Among the relatives, Zhang Ailing and her aunt Zhang Maoyuan got along the most.My aunt is a bright and neat employee of a foreign company. She speaks and acts with a sense of modernity. She also likes to live in a Western-style apartment building. She has a kind of calm wit in her life.That day Zhang Ailing came to get the letter written by her mother, but before her aunt came home, she hid in the dark, trying to scare her when she opened the door.Unexpectedly, my aunt was calm and unfazed by her, and told her a story: "The thief unlocked my door the day before yesterday. I asked him who he was looking for, and I was so scared that I rolled down the stairs!" what.

She said arrogantly: "Didn't you talk about unlocking? That means I haven't succeeded yet, or I have to thank him for locking the door for me!" Eileen Chang likes to stay at her aunt's house, she feels at home here.But it was also here that she heard the news that Zhang Zhiyi was going to continue.When Zhang Maoyuan told her, his attitude was quite disapproving: "Anyway, he knows that the relationship between him and your mother is over early, but his heart is not dead yet, and now he is going to show her!" Zhang Ailing still refused to believe it, and said in a deep voice: "He didn't even mention it! Someone came to matchmaking before, but he didn't respond!"

Zhang Maoyuan's emphatic tone made Zhang Ailing feel desperate: "That's insufficient conditions! This time, the other party is a woman with a background, the daughter of Sun Baoqi, the Prime Minister of Beiyang, and an old lady in her thirties. It seems that this matter is settled. .You live on campus and don’t stay at home often, so treat it as nothing to do with you—sooner or later you will leave home anyway.” Eileen Chang felt even more at a loss. She was too young and could only worry about the most trivial and urgent things: "My classmates have stepmothers in their families, and none of them are easy to deal with!"

"She smokes this, lying flat, what are you going to do with it?" Zhang Maoyuan gestured for a big cigarette. Zhang Ailing was stunned. Knowing that her father had just quit drug use, she said dissatisfiedly, "Then my father's suffering in the nursing home was not in vain!" Zhang Maoyuan spoke coldly: "He doesn't have to suffer now! The two of them are flying together! If you think about it from his point of view, he has finally found a match! Regardless of the horoscope, just this point, they can be regarded as a close relationship." !" Zhang Maoyuan spoke coldly, like the slice of bitter lemon in her glass.

Zhang Ailing's heart was churning, and she couldn't compromise with this fact.She was terrified, tears rolled down her cheeks, she clenched her fists as if she had to do something, but at the same time she felt powerless. Eileen Chang survived the holiday in anxiety, and autumn will come soon.In this season, the leaves of the sycamore trees turned yellow very early, and they couldn't stand a gust of wind, and they were about to fall one after another, and were rolled up and crushed by passing bicycles, just like Eileen Chang's withered mood. In order to show their expectation for this marriage, the Zhang family moved again and moved back to the old house.Zhang's old house, which belonged to her grandmother's dowry, was very quiet, and Zhang Ailing felt as if she had fallen into another space-time orbit.The accumulated old things are piled up in every corner, as if they have taken root quietly.There are many dark and narrow halls in the house, and when you turn around, there is a closed and locked door, locking the mysterious past.I can't get rid of the sense of decay that everyone is gradually withering and falling into disrepair.Because of the small number of people, often only the shadow of the sun is moving, and only the wind is talking. A few pieces of glazed tiles are hung under the eaves as wind chimes, answering to the wind.

The newly-arrived stepmother and grandson Yongfan had a stiff "major style", deliberately wearing a cheongsam with a little dark bonus and thin gold thread, giving off the air of a newlywed.The four of them sat around the table in the dining room, and there was a reunion atmosphere.Zhang Zhiyi seemed very satisfied, and even praised the food on the table: "The yellow croaker tofu is cooked well!" Sun Yongfan said proudly: "This cook has been in my family for twenty years. If it's not good, I dare not bring it here! Just because of this, my sister-in-law still blames me! It's just a battle! Son, reach out! It's rare for Xiaoying to come back, so eat more!" She said that she specially brought food for Zhang Ailing, and her attitude was very attentive.

Zhang Ailing yelled without hesitation: "Thank you, Mom!" Sun Yongfan was stunned for a moment, but there was still some emotion in his eyes.Zhang Zhiyi looked at it and was relieved by Zhang Ailing's performance. He secretly breathed a sigh of relief, then stared at Zhang Zijing, dissatisfied with his slowness, and reprimanded him: "How can you eat with your face in the bowl and your back straight! Boy, Have a look!" Seeing this, Sun Yongfan also brought some food to Zhang Zijing. Zhang Zijing glanced at her sister, and followed her example and called Mom. Sun Yongfan nodded, and tried to chat with Zhang Ailing: "What do you eat at school?"

Zhang Ailing answered very well: "Just a few dishes! It can't be compared with home!" Sun Yongfan looked at Zhang Zhiyi with concern and asked, "Isn't the tuition expensive? Why? The food is not good? Then you have to report it to the school!" Zhang Zhiyi's tone was a little angrily: "I never advocated that she go to that foreign school!" Zhang Ailing immediately felt a sense of crisis and regretted that she had answered wrongly.Huang Yifan's shadow immediately enveloped the table.The air was dull for a while, and then I heard Sun Yongfan say aloud: "In Shanghai, after all, studying in a foreign school is popular! Reading is also a dowry!" She blocked Zhang Ailing's arrow, glanced at her, and asked her to appreciate her.This time Zhang Ailing just lowered her head to pick up the rice, and she has a certain limit on politeness, if she goes home to act, she is not at home.

Zhang Ailing seemed much happier when she was with her uncle's cousins, and the childish smile that should have belonged to her age would appear in due course.However, her aunt's tone of voice to her as if she were a poor orphan, and the love she showed for her daughters intentionally or unintentionally, often made Zhang Ailing chew on the happiness of her daughter with the support of her mother alone after visiting her uncle's house.In order to maintain her self-esteem, Eileen Chang tried not to leave relatives, and buried herself in writing at home. Once the emperor and the courtiers, the new mistress will naturally use the people she brought to the house, and the two female servants who have been in the Zhang family for decades were ruthlessly fired.They shed tears and begged bitterly, but to no avail.The old housekeeper could only comfort them and sigh.Zhang Ailing was by the bathroom window, listening to the words outside the window, feeling sad and panicked.She sat on a bench, dipped her feet in a red lacquered wood footbath, flicked her toes and scrubbed repeatedly, the water shadows swaying, it seemed that she washed more seriously than she listened, but in fact it was the opposite.

She felt that the sunshine stays for a short time, and the alley is always dark, whether it indicates that the future life of her family is also like this. The seasons are changing, and the leaves of the big trees in the courtyard are all gone.Chang Ailing, who has loved beauty since she was a child, has not worn new clothes for some years. She went to the guest room of the old house to rummage through boxes and cabinets, trying to find a dress suitable for winter.She opened an old wooden box, and a strong camphor wood fragrance wafted out of it. She quickly moved her nose close and took a deep breath. The smell really fascinated her.The box was filled with the men's gray robes, some of which had cotton wool exposed. She was disappointed, so she went to the backyard to chat with the old gardener.

After such a period of time, Sun Yongfan has adapted to the new role, and he has lost a lot of scruples in speaking and acting.One day, she came to the study excitedly with an article, and immediately asked Zhang Zhiyi who was reading: "Look, is this written by Xiaoying?" Zhang Zhiyi took off his glasses with some doubts, and when he saw the title of the article "Stepmother's Heart", he was taken aback, and quickly read the content carefully.Sun Yongfan said proudly: "Although she didn't name her name, what she wrote is my mood!" After Zhang Zhiyi confirmed that the whole article was full of praise and understanding for his stepmother, he breathed a sigh of relief, and said lightly: "Xiaoying's writing is good! She wrote "Modern Dream of Red Mansions" at the age of fourteen. She drafted the review! I will keep all the articles she published in the school magazine for her." Sun Yongfan sighed and said: "This article of hers can tell all the pain I have been holding back! If I say it myself, I may not be able to say it so intimately! Hey! You ask her to copy a few more copies, and I will keep it. The bottom line! This is also a proof that my hard work was not in vain! If someone talks gossip in the future, I still have something to gamble on." Sun Yongfan was not so naive, and he said some things to Zhang Zhiyi on purpose.Zhang Zhiyi naturally understood the implication, waved his hand and said, "Thinking too much! Xiaoying writes all day long, if you like it, just keep it!" Sun Yongfan liked it very much, so he wanted to show off this little pride to others.When she walked out of the study and across the backyard, she saw Zhang Ailing pestering the old gardener, begging him to read in authentic Suzhou dialect, but the old gardener couldn't persuade her, so he had to read.Because he was used to listening to storytelling, he would change his voice, and when it came to the dialogue with prostitutes, his voice was also sharp and thin. Zhang Ailing squatted on the ground laughing and nearly passed out of breath, and several old mothers in the yard also laughed.Sun Yongfan stopped to take a look, his expression was very unhappy.Everyone quickly restrained their smiles and were busy with their own affairs. On weekends, the family went to see relatives in the car. Zhang Zhiyi sat in the front seat, and Zhang Zijing was sandwiched between her sister and stepmother.Sun Yongfan recalled what happened the day before yesterday, and felt that a mother should say a few words to her daughter, so she said: "My daughter is fine, don't keep messing with servants, it looks like she has no rules and tutoring!" She paused for a while , added: "In the future, it will be difficult to make servants, and everyone will dare to talk back!" Zhang Ailing looked down at the buttons of her coat, and the awkwardness in her heart surfaced on her face.Seeing that she didn't even respond, Sun Yongfan felt that it was a bit useless, and his breath didn't go well, and he choked a little uncomfortable.She endured it, and said: "I didn't want to say it at first! Because you know what's good or bad, I'll just say a few words!" Zhang Zhiyi, who had been sitting in the front seat without speaking, turned his head slightly, obviously dissatisfied with Zhang Ailing's performance.Zhang Ailing was forced to express her opinion, and said in a low voice: "Thank you, Mom! I understand!" After Sun Yongfan finished speaking, she felt uncomfortable. After all, she was still a stepmother, what could she do?Thinking of it like this made me a little sad and wronged, and couldn't help but let out a big sigh.The air in the car slowly condensed. He Gan, the servant who took care of Zhang Zhiyi growing up, is almost seventy years old, and now she has to take care of Zhang Ailing.One day, she came to ask Zhang Zhiyi and his wife, who were having a good time on the couch, to give Zhang Ailing a change of clothes at school: "Miss is getting taller! The clothes are too small!" Seeing no one answered, He Gan seemed to be speaking to himself, asking himself and answering: "I'll make it for her tomorrow, and send it to her next time!" Finally Sun Yongfan spoke: "How can I put it like I have no clothes to wear? I brought two big boxes of pre-wedding clothes. Aren't they all for her? I just heard that she is about the same size as me, so I specially put them on." Pick up a few good clothes that you can't bear to throw away and give them to her!" He Gan didn't like hearing this, and couldn't argue, so he staggered out the door with a dejected look on his face. Zhang Ailing sat anxiously by the red brick wall of the school gate, and saw He Gan walking swaying on a pair of small feet from a distance.Zhang Ailing rushed to meet her and asked why she didn't call a car.He Gan shook his head and handed the clothes bag and snacks to Zhang Ailing. Zhang Ailing asked in a low voice, "Did dad give me the pocket money?" ! Look at me, I'm so confused..." Zhang Ailing hurriedly stopped: "I just ask, and it's enough!" Afraid of seeing He Gan's wet eyes, Zhang Ailing pulled her and wanted to say something, but the corners of her mouth shrunk when she hesitated to speak.Afraid that she could not control her emotions and cause He Gan to cry, she hurriedly ran into the school gate, seeing that there was no one else around, and then walked up the stairs of the classroom with heavy steps.She could easily understand the mutual torment and embarrassment of all kinds of people, even at Sunday Mass at school, in the presence of the Virgin Mary. The nuns played the piano in the church, and the holy singing echoed.The students went forward one by one to receive the holy bread.Zhang Ailing sat in the last row and had to walk for a long time. It was a cruel test.The long aisle is like a catwalk, she has to go on stage, but she walks so awkwardly, she is wearing her stepmother's old clothes, the bust and waist are too wide to fit, it is the dark red of ground beef, with rotten blood Brown, as if smelling fishy.The thick buckle is rolled with stripped silver thread, unlike other people who are wearing moon white or light blue, which is full of girlish spring breath. She feels that she is old and old mixed with the smell of opium, but she must bite Ya walked such a long way, passing in front of all the classmates in the school, and in front of the proud girls in Shanghai.She believes that everyone suppresses the ridicule towards her with an elegant and tolerant demeanor, but she can always receive one or two oncoming glances. Those elegant seniors skillfully and quickly put her back from scratch Read it all the way to the feet.She could only turn her embarrassment into a kind of dullness, and her pale yellow glasses blocked her dim eyes in due course. She knelt down in front of the priest, took the wafer, and also suffered the cruelest bruise of her girlhood. Fortunately, she has writing in her life, which makes her temporarily forget the humiliation of the world.When she was free, she came to the empty house of her grandmother, holding the iron railing, and looking through the blackened glass, trying to see what the house looked like, but the doors and windows were locked, locking the history of the Zhang family. and memory.This made the house more attractive to Eileen Chang than any other place.She likes to pester He Gan about her grandmother.He Gan always called his grandmother the old lady: "Old lady, at that time... I always tried to save paper!" This is not what Zhang Ailing wants to hear at all, she wants to hear more interesting, such as the legendary story in But He Gan babbled on some commonplace things: "The old lady always wears colorful shoes full of flowers and flowers for your father. At that time, I didn't like these anymore, and I couldn't wear them anymore! Your father walked to the second door." Changing shoes secretly, with a pair stuffed in the sleeves! We all laughed when we saw it in Zou Ma Lou, but we didn’t dare to make a sound, for fear that the old lady would ask if she found out! But your aunt dressed him like a man, and everyone called him Mao Master!" Zhang Ailing suddenly said: "Grandmother is going to keep up with her if she wants to live till now!" He Gan didn't understand Zhang Ailing's meaning, turned around and thought of the past again, and said: "The third master can't recite the book, hit him! Kneel down! Alas, the old man is gone, and the family depends on the food brought by the old lady." The dowry! The relatives of both families have to pay for it, and the old lady didn’t even come out at all! It’s still impossible to prevent people from coming to the door!” Zhang Ailing thought of the solemn old lady in the old photos, and she had experienced such embarrassment in her life. And trivial, slightly better. It rained heavily all afternoon, and the moldy walls of the old house were half wet.Zhang Ailing was lying on the bed, holding the book in her hand, drowsy, she covered the book on her stomach, and the sky gradually darkened while she was dreaming.In the darkness, there are bright color blocks flying in front of my eyes, which are costumes, flower feathers, the peach pink face of the opera singer, and the memory of her mother taking her to the theater when she was a child.She hid behind the black curtain, not intending to be discovered, but she felt that someone was holding a cool pen tip to hook her face.In a trance, she saw her grandmother in front of the makeup mirror wearing the clothes of an official lady in the Qing Dynasty, facing the mirror with a majestic face, she hooked a jade earring into her ear hole, looked left and right, the mirror and the dressing table Covered with thick dust. Zhang Ailing caught wind and cold and was so burned that she couldn't wake up. The two half-dead people in charge of the family didn't care about anything except smoking opium, so they had no choice but to inform Zhang Maoyuan.Zhang Maoyuan is a fast-paced person, and she brought a western doctor to Zhang Ailing for diagnosis and treatment.Sun Yongfan was useless from the beginning to the end. Seeing Zhang Maoyuan meddling in the child's affairs, she felt very uncomfortable, and complained to Zhang Zhiyi: "This is an eyeliner! Look at how I abused the child! If the child is sick, she immediately Bring the doctor here, who is she doing it for? Who is she doing it for? Let the word out, what will I tell others? I don’t care if the child lives or dies!" Sun Yongfan's jealousy towards Huang Yifan and Zhang Maoyuan, but because these two women are not in front of him, he has nowhere to vent.Her grievances gradually shifted to Zhang Ailing.The previous efforts have been given up, only new and old hatreds are accumulated in my heart, fermenting.Due to her instigation, the relationship between the Zhang brothers and sisters also began to become estranged, and the letter Huang Yifan sent to Zhang Ailing through Zhang Maoyuan could only be forwarded outside. Zhang Ailing revealed her thoughts to her good friend Zhang Rujin: "Now I just hope that I can go to university and be away from home, the farther the better!" Zhang Rujin knows about Zhang Ailing's family troubles, and she herself has a little worry. Someone in the family has already come to propose marriage.Zhang Ailing found it unbelievable, but it finally became a fact. Zhang Rujin dropped out of school and really got married.Now there is one less close person around Zhang Ailing, and she has become lonely on campus. Zhang Ailing didn't go home for a long time, and she was shocked when she saw her younger brother Zhang Zijing.Zhang Zijing was growing taller, looking thin, haggard, and listless. The blue cloth robe on her body was cut short, and her hair was not combed when it grew. She hardly spoke and was listless.Employers have told him about his misdeeds: truancy, disobedience, lack of ambition.Zhang Ailing was angry and distressed. During the meal, Zhang Zhiyi slapped Zhang Zijing for a trivial matter, and Zhang Ailing burst into tears immediately.Sun Yongfan asked strangely: "Hey! Why are you crying? It's not about you, he didn't cry, but you did!" Zhang Ailing couldn't hold back the anger and grievance accumulated in her heart for a long time, stood up, covered her face and ran into the room. bathroom.She locked the door, but she didn't dare to let go and cry loudly, she could only let the tears flow.She saw her sad face in the mirror on the wall, as if she suddenly had someone to talk to: "I want revenge! I must take revenge!" She clenched her hands into fists, and she hadn't felt such explosive power in her body for a long time. Suddenly, there was the sound of a ball hitting the wall.Zhang Ailing looked out the window and saw Zhang Zijing playing a ball outside. What happened just now, as if it hadn't happened, has passed.Zhang Ailing's heart went cold a little bit, and she felt desperate and sad for her younger brother.