Chapter 6 chapter Five

A doggerel written by Zhang Ailing in the school magazine "Guoguang" caused trouble. The dean called her to the office and read it in front of several teachers: "Light-yellow glasses and emerald blue robes, swaying step by step, the teacher's mother cuts the material Province, the leader is only half an inch high." After reading, he put down the publication, looked directly at Zhang Ailing and asked, "You wrote this anonymous doggerel?" She wore glasses and nodded stiffly.Her Chinese teacher stood aside and said with an apologetic smile: "This is a child's game. I think she just showed a sense of humor, not ironic."

The dean said solemnly: "The principal thinks that this matter hurts the teacher's dignity and asks me to deal with it. I think there are only two solutions. One is to suspend "Guoguang"; Zhang, I'm afraid he won't be able to graduate." Zhang Ailing stared blankly at the provost's leather shoes. This was the first time she had tasted the taste of words causing trouble. Misfortune always followed. Zhang Ailing, who was full of frustration, was told by the nun when she was out of class that she had failed in sleeping for three consecutive weeks, and she had to accept a certain labor punishment.The female students all went to the gymnasium to learn western etiquette and dance lessons, giggling and fantasizing that the person holding their hand was a handsome man.Only Zhang Ailing stayed to do the cleaning. She was willing to be punished without any unpleasantness, so she mopped the floor very vigorously.In this way, she not only escaped to the physical education class, but also stayed quietly in the dormitory by herself.

She stepped on the rag and wiped the floor back and forth, one step left, one step right, she felt like she was dancing, dancing alone in the huge dormitory was also a pleasant thing. Carrying a bucket of dirty water, she walked through the long corridor of the dormitory, her hair was drenched with sweat on her forehead, her glasses slipped to the tip of her nose and were about to fall off, she looked very embarrassed.The dormitory nun approached from far away with a solemn face. When she passed by, she looked at Zhang Ailing with her head and left again. Zhang Ailing suddenly poured water into the bathroom sink.The water splashed all over her body, and the red cotton robe of minced beef on her body was soaked, and the beef suddenly turned bloody.She pulled the robe into a bunch, twisted it vigorously, as if exhausting all the hateful strength in her body, and let go, the cotton robe was wrinkled into one piece, like the raised ridges of a barren red soil hill, she stared at it and gasped.

She used a mop to drag the corridor of the dormitory once, the wide and long corridors, rows of glass windows, she was the only one, far away, she was alone. When Zhang Maoyuan came to the school to look for Zhang Ailing, he saw that she was wearing her stepmother's already-short gown, and her thin arms were exposed from the outdated wide cuffs, making Zhang Ailing even thinner.Her eyes were unfocused, as if she didn't want to focus on the world. It wasn't until Zhang Maoyuan took out a postcard from her mother from her purse that her eyes became bright. The black and white photo showed pyramids and camels.

Zhang Maoyuan is used to diluting all serious matters, and deliberately erased the attitude of reporting big news. He said with a normal expression: "She is in Egypt now." All the necessary reactions. Zhang Maoyuan finally said with a little more emphasis: "Your mother came back this special trip for your future, for your education!" Zhang Ailing's eyes that had been slack for many years suddenly gathered focus.The mother wrote to the aunt in English, and the handwriting was scribbled, but the word "小煐" was in Chinese. When she saw it, her eyes turned red.As if lost in a dark valley for years, someone suddenly thought of her and called her name.

She thought of the many problems that might be caused by her mother's return, and she was very worried. There was no place for her mother in this family, so she decided not to tell anyone about it, including her younger brother.Uncle Huang Dingzhu came to Zhang's old house to pick her up to see Huang Yifan. Zhang Ailing panicked and rummaged through the house to find clothes. She said to He Gan who was standing by and waited: "I don't want to wear her clothes to see my mother! My mother You can see it at a glance!" He Gan opened the coat and asked Zhang Ailing to put it on, and persuaded him: "My little girl, don't rush to pick and choose, put the coat on your head, and you can't see anything! Uncle is waiting outside! Go! Go see you quickly Mother! Your mother is looking forward to you!" Zhang Ailing saw that He Gan's eyes were red, and quickly put her arms into the sleeves obediently. She was most afraid of seeing He Gan cry.

This hurdle between father and stepmother is not easy.As soon as Zhang Ailing stepped into the side hall, she saw Sun Yongfan sitting sideways on the cigarette couch, with a face full of dark clouds.Zhang Zhiyi bit his cigarette and paced around.Seeing Zhang Ailing coming in, the eyes of father and daughter met, Zhang Ailing suddenly felt that her father was still the same as before, still caring about her mother, looking at her as if to say something was inconvenient.At this time, Sun Yongfan really became an outsider, but Zhang Ailing felt a little sympathetic to her. When her mother came back, her attitude in her heart was higher, and she was willing to keep a low voice: "Mom and Dad! I will go to see my mother with my uncle, and I will be back after dinner!"

Sun Yongfan couldn't hide his discomfort, but he still had to save face: "Please greet me when you see me!" Zhang Zijing suddenly excitedly ran upstairs and asked loudly, "Is Mom back?" Seeing that Zhang Ailing had even put on her coat, he said anxiously, "Wait for me! I want to see her too!" It turned out that the tense atmosphere became even more tense, and Zhang Zhiyi snapped: "You are not allowed to go! It is enough for your sister to go alone!" Zhang Zijing didn't understand, and argued, "Why? When Mom comes back... I must see you!" Zhang Ailing saw Zhang Zijing's eyes trembling with fear when he spoke, and she really wanted to drag him away with her.However, she was afraid that she would not be able to leave even if there was any further delay, so she hurried downstairs.She heard Zhang Zijing's crying and roaring behind her, and a crisp slap on the face. She convulsed, as if she had been slapped on her own face.

Zhang Ailing was the mother I met in the living room of my aunt's house, and she was accompanied by a foreign man.Zhang Ailing fantasized about seeing her mother for too long, but when this moment came, she seemed confused and even reacted a bit dull.Huang Yifan couldn't hide his joy when he saw his daughter, he walked up to hold her arm, and carefully looked at her face.Zhang Ailing only felt that she was like a withered grass, and she really couldn't stand her mother's scrutiny. Huang Yifan thought for a while, and felt that he should introduce the foreign man to his daughter: "This is Mr. Wagstaff, my friend, you should call him Uncle!" Zhang Ailing greeted Wei Ge politely in English, Wei Ge smiled and praised After saying a few words to her, he went to another room with the telegram in his hand, his brows were slightly frowned, his face was ugly.Before the mother and daughter chatted enthusiastically, Huang Yifan's mind was already on the telegram, and she was talking softly with Wei Ge.

At this time, Zhang Ailing began to doubt whether her mother came back for her. At least during the ten minutes of meeting, her mother only took a good look at her, which was too far from her imagination.The music played by the record was very hollow, and the illusion of standing outside the door just now had disappeared.Seeing that she was feeling a little depressed, my aunt stepped forward to fill her seat in time and chatted with her about her life abroad. After Huang Yifan had arranged the affairs over there, he walked over and put the focus back on Zhang Ailing.She looked at her daughter carefully, and she couldn't escape the details of her daughter's body. The collar was outdated and awkward, and the sleeves of the coat were too short, showing too much wrist.Eileen Chang sits with her knees together, her feet tucked into a figure-eight shape and her upper body leaning forward, her belly hunched, her elbows resting on her knees and her arms encircling her.Huang Yifan shook his head and sighed: "I should have brought you by my side long ago. At the beginning, I only wanted to divorce your father. I gave up everything and didn't want to fight anymore! I was also unsure about my future and didn't want to take care of my children. Suffering! Looking at you now, I regret it! Seeing that you are so sluggish, where is the former vivacity? He can lead you to this step, and I dare not think about what your brother is now!"

Disappointed, Huang Yifan agreed to take Eileen Chang to study in the UK. She encouraged Eileen Eileen Chang: "Look forward, show strength, and fight for what you should fight for. There is no such thing as something you don't work for! A life is given by others. If you can fight for it, it's yours!" The mother's short words pierced Zhang Ailing's heart, how long ago she became so weak and powerless.She suddenly remembered the "great wish" she made solemnly in front of her mother when she was four or five years old: at the age of eight, I want to comb my ace hair, at the age of ten, I want to wear high heels, and at the age of sixteen, I can eat rice dumplings Gnocchi, eat the most indigestible thing of all! Zhang Ailing's waist gradually straightened, and she seemed to have absorbed the long-lost strength from her mother. Zhang Ailing came home and saw her father sitting in her room.Zhang Zhiyi always holds grudges and resentments towards Huang Yifan, and has entangled depression, but he can't help but want to know her recent situation.He was not yet a real outrageous man, and he knew his faults.Eileen Chang never argued for her mother, intellectually she yearned for her mother's world; emotionally, her father was just like this musty old house, a kind of accumulated desolation, with corners she was familiar with. Zhang Zhiyi asked his daughter for confirmation with some embarrassment: "I heard that she came back with a foreign man!" He lingered because he wanted to ask about this matter.He can marry again, she can't have anyone else, at least in his territory, right now.Zhang Ailing sensed the crisis wisely, and answered cautiously: "I don't know!" She felt sad because her father still loved her mother. After a moment of silence, Zhang Zhiyi suddenly saw that Zhang Ailing was wearing a pair of half-heeled shoes.Eileen Chang has always worn middle school girls' leather shoes, never having such ladylike shoes. Once she puts on the shoes, Eileen Chang looks like a grown woman.Zhang Ailing was also sensitive to her father's gaze, and quickly explained: "The shoes broke on the way there, and my aunt has a pair of old ones. If you don't want them, let me wear them back." Zhang Zhiyi said thoughtfully: "You wear her shoes now, and sooner or later you will walk their way!" Zhang Ailing was slightly stunned, not knowing that a pair of shoes reminded her father of the meaning of "walking", she didn't know how to answer the question.Zhang Zhiyi himself was also a little dazed, watching the smoke he spit out dissipating under the lamp.He pondered for a while and said, "I didn't want to say more when you were young. Now that you are older, you must be able to tell the good from the bad. I divorced your mother because I was forced to. She didn't want this family. She wants to be free and alone. .Who doesn't want to be free and alone? But it's a completely selfish idea. I realized later that she doesn't love anyone in her life, she only loves herself!" Zhang Zhiyi's words hit Zhang Ailing's heart hard, which was clearly intended to destroy the image of her mother in Zhang Ailing's heart.Before going out, Zhang Zhiyi said with a bitter expression: "It took me a lot of effort to build this family again, you have to think about it for me!" His last sentence was speaking of Zhang Ailing as an adult.After he left, Zhang Ailing sat there in a daze, the courage she had acquired from her mother was instantly wiped out by her father, but there were still scattered smoke, like unfinished cigarette butts in a shallow dish. Zhang Ailing pushed open the window. Although the wind was cold, she still wanted to let out the smell of smoke in the room. At Zhang Ailing's middle school graduation ceremony, Zhang Zhiyi and Sun Yongfan, Huang Yifan and Zhang Maoyuan, two pairs of enemies met.Huang Yifan wore a cap covered with tulle, still slim and slender, with a western-style white dress and stiletto heels, just like back then, not at all old.Zhang Zhiyi almost forgot where he was, and there was an expression on his face that he shouldn't have.When Sun Yongfan saw it, his face changed. In comparison, her brocade cheongsam with Tuanfu characters looked exactly ten years old. At this moment, Zhang Ailing would rather be shut out of this embarrassing scene.She could see mother, father, stepmother, everyone's inner turmoil, the tangled family disputes, she wanted to show indifference, indifference, and nothing to do with herself, but she felt a faint sense of desolation in her chest.These people stood beside her, but no one could give her solid support in life, holding a thin roll of graduation certificate in her hand, she was still alone. Studying in the UK is not only a question of Zhang Zhiyi's consent, but also a question of money.The box of antiques that Huang Yifan took away when he divorced has almost been sold off.She wanted to ask Zhang Zhiyi out to negotiate, but was flatly rejected. Zhang Ailing mustered up her courage, thinking about how she would negotiate with her father.She was standing in the living room. On a summer evening, the sun was slanting into the living room. The main hall of the old house was only able to shine at this time. She seemed to have to borrow even this bit of heat. Zhang Zhiyi sat in the shadow on the side, with his feet up. Zhang Ailing couldn't see the expression on his face clearly. She thought it was better this way. She could say boldly: "I want to go to university in London. I have thought about it for a long time. This is the only one I have. future!" Her father was silent, Zhang Ailing was thinking about what to say next, the reasons that were all over her mind just now were in a mess, and she was a little anxious. Sun Yongfan came in just at this time, and Zhang Ailing had to stammer and report to her stepmother again. Zhang Zhiyi somewhat pretended to show Sun Yongfan: "You don't need to say it again! Why waste your words, you know I won't agree! I said it before, I said you want to go the way of your aunt and your mother, and I will give you both. Broken leg, you better remember this sentence, I will do what I say!" Eileen Chang was under great pressure and grievances. Tears rolled in her eyes, but she held back her unwillingness to shed them. She argued: "My aunt works in Jardine Matheson, so what's wrong with making money to support myself? Why can't girls have their own? Is it true that you have to live like a waste and cling to a man's feet to be considered a woman?" Sun Yongfan's face changed, and he stared at Zhang Ailing with a strange smile and said, "I'm still pleading for you, but you're making fun of me now! Did your mother teach you to say this? Since she came back, this family I have never been at peace, and I send people to bring messages and messages every day, and I want to talk to your father... She is divorced and left all her children behind. Why do you want to come back to interfere with the Zhang family's affairs? I can't let it go , why didn’t you come back sooner? Hmph! It’s a pity that you’re one step too late! At this time, I’ll have to be a concubine!” Zhang Zhiyi did not refute this statement, the illusion of two women competing for one husband made him feel better.