Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

That night, Shi Yan had a strange dream. She dreamed of the Yellow Sea and was running in the mine. Behind him was a group of miners chasing him. Some held shovels in their hands, while others held stones in their hands. Kill him! Kill him!". She was afraid and anxious, and wanted to shout to the miners: "You have misunderstood! He is not a bad person, he wants to help you!" But she couldn't make a sound, it seemed that there was a problem with her throat, and it seemed that she was afraid that the miners would come and beat her if they heard it.She was still narrow-minded in her dream, thinking that if Huang Hai blamed her for not helping at that time, she would say that she wanted to shout, but her voice was broken and she couldn't make a sound.

Those miners seemed to have their eyes red, and they quickly chased her. Although they didn't hit her with their shovels, they hit her, and many people pressed on her. She was frightened to death. rape her.The lie she wanted to tell just now came true. She really couldn't speak out, and she was still out of breath. She just wanted to push those people away, but she couldn't push them no matter how hard she tried. Suddenly she saw several teachers from the Teachers College standing nearby talking, and Zhuo Liang was also inside. She yelled at them, "Help me quickly! Why are you refusing to save me?"

But those few people didn't seem to hear it, or maybe they really didn't hear it, and they were still talking there.She also saw Huang Hai inside, as if arguing with Zhuoyue, she cried and shouted to them: "Help me, push those people away from me, they are going to crush me to death!" But neither of them paid any attention to her, and they were still arguing there. It seemed that they would never come to rescue her without arguing whether to win or lose.Desperate, lonely and frightened, she burst into tears. When she woke up, there were still tears on her face, and she was still sobbing.She didn't know if she really screamed out in her dream just now, but she heard everyone sound asleep, so she must have not screamed out just now.

Although she knew it was just a dream, the feeling of loneliness and helplessness in the dream was very real. She lay there alone and cried for a while, and said in her heart: So my world is so lonely, no one cares about me, no one loves me I, no one cares about me, I used to always think about going to graduate school and escaping from this place, so I never had time to realize that I was alone.Now it seems that there is no way to take the postgraduate entrance examination, so my spiritual support has collapsed, and I find that my life is actually so pale and lonely. Maybe the silence at night makes people feel particularly lonely. During the day, people come and go, noisy and noisy. If you don't have time to be alone, you have no chance to feel lonely.But people can’t always spend the day, they have to spend the night. Fortunately, she usually sleeps better at night and doesn’t dream much, so she rarely feels her own loneliness. But now it’s different. For some reason, she suddenly realized that Thinking of her own loneliness, she thought that in this world, maybe her own parents still cared about her, and other people didn't seem to take her seriously. If the scene in the dream really happened, I'm afraid no one really Will be willing to help.

She couldn't fall asleep anymore, chewing on her loneliness in the dark night to her heart's content.She thought of Huang Hai, Zhuo Zhuo, and when they didn't come to rescue her in her dream, her tears flowed down again, thinking that if one of them came to talk to me first tomorrow, I would love him and find him as a man Friends, because I don't want to be alone anymore, don't boys have to wait until a girl becomes his girlfriend before caring about her?Then I will be the boy's girlfriend, as long as he cares about me, loves me, and doesn't let me be alone. The next day, she ran into Yao Xiaoping when she was going to wash in the water room. She was brushing her teeth with disheveled hair, and her mouth was full of white foam. She was completely different from the small, exquisite, innocent and elegant Yao Xiaoping last night. Let the boys from yesterday see what you are like now, and see if they still like you.But she immediately thought that she also had disheveled hair, and she might be uglier than Yao Xiaoping, so she shot her petty heart in her heart.She asked, "Yesterday—when did you come back?"

Yao Xiaoping raised her head, blinked at her fiercely, and pointed behind her quietly. She turned her head and saw that a girl from the next bedroom had come in, so she didn't ask any questions.After the two of them washed up and went to have breakfast together, Yao Xiaoping said, "Don't mention me and Jing Jing in front of others in the future. Those long tongues haven't passed on the fact that I was married to Jing Jing? Then why not?" What the hell? The horoscope has not been written yet, if it spreads, it will definitely fail—" Shi Yan apologized and said, "I didn't see anyone behind me just now—"

Yao Xiaoping didn't complain anymore, and replied in a low voice: "I came back very late yesterday, and the gates were closed. I came in through the window of the water room on the first floor. There are too many strict words, endless—" Shi Yan is even envious of "talking too much" now, which is better than Zhuo Zhuo who doesn't even bother to talk to her.She thought in her heart, and said it out of her mouth: "It's better than him having nothing to say when he is with you, isn't it?" Yao Xiaoping smiled disapprovingly, and asked, "Yesterday—how long did you stay?"

"Who? Who am I with?" "Of course it's you and Zhuo Zhuoluo—how about it? I have eyes, right? I'll hand you over to him right away, instead of being a light bulb in the middle—" Shi Yan snorted, and said: "There is no such thing as a light bulb or a light bulb. I have nothing to do with Zhuoyue—" "Still thinking about your boyfriend from a famous school? Fool, let's put aside such a good condition and excellence, I want yours—" Yao Xiaoping stopped talking, I don't know if the second half of the sentence means "such an ugly boyfriend" or "a boyfriend from a famous school far away in the sky". yellow sea.But Shi Yan is no longer as eager to get rid of it as before. It is better to have Huang Hai than nothing. This is the truth she just realized.She deliberately asked detachedly: "You talk about excellence so well, why don't you want him to be rigorous?"

"It's not that I don't want him, it's that I can't get him. I don't do those useless efforts. If I'm not married and have no children, I'd also like to find someone like Zhuoyue. How could it be Rigorous? I'm not as good-looking as others , the talent is not as good as others, and the title is not as good as others—” "Who is inferior to whom?" "Of course rigor is not as good as excellence. Is excellence not as good as rigor?" Shi Yan felt that Yao Xiaoping's brain was too clear-headed, and couldn't help but ask: "You feel that rigor is not as good as excellence in everything, so why - why don't you just go to Excellence? You haven't tried it yet, how do you know you can't get him?"

"Do you still need to try this kind of thing? I can tell who is interested in me and who is not interested in me at a glance." Shi Yan almost asked Yao Xiaoping to help her find out if Excellence was interested in her, but Yao Xiaoping didn't give her a chance to ask questions, and kept on talking: "Who told me to get married in a hurry? But this kind of thing, How can I say it clearly? If I didn’t get married at that time, I wouldn’t be able to work in the county; if I didn’t keep working, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to go to college; People are strong but their fate is not enough. They only hit 80 meters, and they are dissatisfied when they travel all over the world. At that time, I couldn’t get together with Excellence even if I was married or not. A person must learn to accept his fate. If he doesn’t accept his fate, his heart will inevitably be high , life is as thin as paper, I suffer myself—"

Shi Yan didn't know how many meters her hit was, and she didn't know how much thicker her life was than paper.She felt that Yao Xiaoping got married last time for reasons other than love, and this time she was with Yan Jing for reasons other than love.To be honest, she looked down on such a person a little in her heart, but now she is in a state of extreme inferiority, because she doesn't even have a boyfriend "for reasons other than love".She tentatively asked: "Then Zhuo Zhuo - is he married?" "No, if he is already married, how can I help you all in the middle?" "You -- have you fulfilled us?" "Of course, otherwise I wouldn't have asked him myself?" Shi Yan didn't like Yao Xiaoping's sure-fire tone, as if Yao Xiaoping picked the rest and gave it to her.She snorted through her nose and didn't answer. After a while, she said, "Why does he live in the family building when he's not married?" "I listened strictly, so it is like this. Zhuoyue used to have a girlfriend who worked in some department of the municipal party committee, and he came here because of her. At that time, the school just allocated houses, and they got a marriage certificate. You can get a house. Then they had a falling out before the wedding, so they broke up—” "Are they divorced?" "Anyway, there is no wedding, so what is inseparable? Why don't you just change the red paper into yellow paper? But I don't know if he changed the red paper into yellow paper, but I guess they did. We met them The day I was moving furniture from the woman's side—" "But—why don't you move into his school house? I'm afraid the girls will find out—whether you want him?" "This is the mind of little girls like you again. People are afraid of seeing things and thinking about others. Why are they afraid that girls will not want him? He is so talented and beautiful, and has furniture, and girls don't want him? I'm afraid he is blind." Girl? Don't you love him because he has furniture?" Shi Yan can't answer this question, because she has absolutely no experience in this area, but Zhuo Zhuo returned to this dilapidated place in D City for his girlfriend, and hid the furniture elsewhere, so as not to "look at things and think about others", which has already broken her heart Now, she felt that she was not interested in Excellence, so she suggested: "Then why do you still feel that you are not worthy of him? Isn't he also married? You and each other—" "You can't say that. When he got married, it was just a marriage certificate. There was nothing practical. When I got married, I not only had a wedding, but also had a husband. I also had a child. That's very different. Those with children A divorced woman is hard to marry—” "The strictness of him—" "That depends on how far I can fascinate him—" Yao Xiaoping smiled lightly, "I think it's easy to fascinate a rigorous man, you didn't see his anxious look last night, I really can't wait— " Yao Xiaoping didn't say what it was like to "wish for it", but Shi Yan also guessed a little bit sensitively. If it was in the past, it must be something she despised. At that time, if a boy liked her for physical reasons, She is very contemptuous.But recently, her thinking seems to have undergone earth-shaking changes. Whether it is because of physical reasons or ideological reasons, as long as it can make boys interested in her, that is a good reason. She thought of Huang Hai as if he had never been in a hurry, which made her feel very disappointed.She began to study Yao Xiaoping's dress, manner, and manner, trying to figure out some rules and see what kind of girls boys would be so "anxious".The results of the research show that: Yao Xiaoping has a petite figure with strong femininity, and she may be married after all. Unlike her, she has a flat figure, speaks and behaves relatively neutral, and her clothes are not distinctive, because she has never been here. What energy is spent on it. She decided that from now on, she will also spend some effort to build her own image, lest boys ignore her and make her so lonely in this world. But before her building plan started, a boy came to talk to her, and it was Huang Hai.That day, she suddenly received a call from Huang Hai, saying that he had found the "pork belly" and figured out the situation, and now he wanted to meet her, and asked if she could take time to have a meal with him. Shi Yan's first reaction was that something happened to Huang Hai and she was arrested, and now she is being coerced by others to arrest her as well.She asked carefully, "What do you mean?" Huang Hai said: "I found 'Pork Belly' and talked to her, because you are also very concerned about this matter, so I want to tell you—" "You didn't leave City D?" "Maybe I left for a while, because I went to the hometown of 'Pork Belly', which is not counted as City D—" She heard his tone as if it was very relaxed, it was completely joking, she remembered that she was so anxious for him at that time, but he didn't leave City D at all.Didn't leave, didn't say anything, and there was nothing wrong.She felt a little unhappy, she didn't know if it was because she was in a hurry for nothing, or because Huang Hai didn't listen to her at that time."Where do you want to meet?" she asked. "There is a 'Sijichun' restaurant next to your school, can you come there?" She seemed to have forgotten the big oath she made in loneliness, even loneliness itself, and said a little angrily: "Why are you running there? I'm afraid my classmates won't see you?" Huang Hai was silent, she knew that she had slipped her words, so she quickly changed her words and said, "That restaurant is very dirty, let's change to another one—" But Huang Hai didn't obey like the previous few times, and didn't regard her promise as a gift, but said plainly: "Since you find it inconvenient, then forget it." She still wanted to explain and defend, but Huang Hai had already let go of this topic, and said in a news report tone: "I'll tell you what happened on the phone. It's like this. I went to the hometown of 'Pork Belly' and found it." She, she said that she did have the draft of the letter, but she had already sold it to a reporter who came to interview for 150 yuan. The reporter said that she would write about it and publish it in the newspaper, But then there was no news, and she didn’t know if it was published in the newspaper, anyway, her life didn’t change in any way.” "Then she—wasn't caught by the coal mine?" "Since I found her in her hometown, of course I wasn't arrested—" She felt that Huang Hai's words were more aggressive now than before, and this sentence seemed to imply sarcasm, and she felt a sense of fear in her heart, as if he was leaving her little by little.Although when Huang Hai was kind to her, she had many worries, but now that Huang Hai seemed to be leaving her, she felt a lot of reluctance.She tried her best to prolong the conversation, and wanted to ask a few smart questions, so as not to cause Huang Hai's displeasure again.She said, "Then she -- told us that she had the draft of that letter just to -- cheat money?" "It's not for cheating money. She does have a manuscript, but it was copied by her son in an exercise book. Since it's not the original or a copy, but copied by her son, it's useless—" "Why doesn't she leave a few copies?" "Do you think she is you? She is illiterate and has never left the countryside and mines in her life. How does she know what to copy and not to copy?"