Chapter 35 Section 35

She felt a danger, and her reason told her to run away, but she seemed to be drunk, and followed him to his car in a daze.He pulled the seat back a lot, then sat in, motioned her to sit between his legs, he hugged her from behind, and said: "Don't be afraid, just let you listen to a song. Andy Lau's, very old Andy Lau’s Mandarin is not standard, but I really like the lyrics in it, it’s a complete portrayal of my life, so I never get tired of listening to it.” He turned on the stereo, and Andy Lau's voice sounded in the car: "Looking and searching, disappearing silently, always can't find memories, can't find the forgotten truth

The past of my life, you abandoned bit by bit, the pain, the pain, the heart, the heart, the pain, the loss of you Maybe it's not easy to separate, maybe it's not possible to love each other, it's painful, it's painful, it's sad, it's heartbreaking, it's heartbreaking, it's painful, it's painful to lose yourself Love is deep and love is shallow, but you and I also know how to cherish it, so we have to wait for the beginning of each other's stories in the next life Life after life, in the endless dreams, I occasionally turned over the diary and turned up the story between you and me

Memories one after another, the memories are meaningless, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, the loss of you Maybe it's not easy to separate, maybe it's not possible to love each other, it's painful, it's painful, it's sad, it's heartbreaking, it's heartbreaking, it's painful, it's painful to lose yourself You and I know how to cherish a deep relationship and a shallow relationship, so we have to wait for the beginning of each other’s stories in the next life.” He played it over and over again and sang along several times, always replacing "your abandonment bit by bit" with "my abandonment bit by bit", and then he buried his head on her back, After a long silence, she only felt the warmth on her back, wondering if he was crying.

"Let's go to the lake, it's too stuffy in the car." He said, took her back to the lake and sat down. "Are you sleepy?" he asked, "If I'm sleepy, I'll hold you and sleep for a while. I don't want to go back to my hotel room, I just want to sit here with you all night. I will never have the chance in this life." Together like this." She said: "Why do you say that? You know my school, and you can come to me in the future." He smiled and said, "I'd like that too, but——, if you knew how bad I am, you wouldn't say that."

That night, they hugged and sat by the lake, and he talked about himself, but it could be seen that he omitted all the things that were too unpleasant.He wanted her to tell him all about her student life at B University in the past few years, every bit of it.No matter which building or lake she mentioned in the school, he knew it, so he would interrupt her and ask, "Is it the red building on the west side of the lake?" "Is it the little flower garden next to the chemistry department?" "Why are you so familiar with University B?" She asked curiously, almost suspecting that he had been studying in University B all these years.

He smiled and said, "Because University B is my dream campus. I will study there in my next life. You also want to study University B again. Do you hear me? But if you want to change schools, you can, but you must Tell me earlier, so as not to miss it." He heard her say that she wanted to go abroad, and sighed, "It's getting farther and farther away. Does the soul need a visa?" When he talked about the next life and the soul in this way, she was a little scared, not knowing what he was thinking.He held her in his arms like a child: "Are you still going to work tomorrow? Then you can sleep for a while, I won't violate you."

She smiled without chewing. "I just want to kiss you," he said, tracing the outline of her lips with his hand. I don't kiss them, so my mouth is clean, the only clean place on my body, maybe deep down I reserved that part for you, knowing that one day—" he said, kissing her On the mouth, gently open her lips and teeth with his tongue, put his tongue into her mouth, sweep and suck as much as he wants.She was a little dizzy and a little overwhelmed, just letting him kiss her, feeling as if he was going to suck her out of her guts and soul. She felt an unprecedented excitement, as if she wanted him to take further action.She remembered what he had just said about his teenage dream of begging her to beg him to have sex with her, and she took a chance and gasped, "If you want, let's go back to the car—"

He smiled: "Thank you, you fulfilled my boyhood dream, and finally said this yourself, but," he shook his head, "that's enough. I'm a very dirty person, or Let there be one untainted girl left in this world, leave you a pure memory, and leave me a pure memory." Then he sang in a low voice: "Deep love is not enough, you and I know how to cherish it, or wait until the beginning of each other's stories in the next life." Since then, she has never seen him again.He did not leave her a phone number or contact her.He knew her school, and if he wanted to find her, he would be able to find her.She didn't know where he was, or even if he was still alive. She worried that he went to that hotel on purpose that day to say goodbye to her.

Her heart is still young and her life is very busy, so she doesn't always worry about him, but sometimes when she thinks of him, she will feel a deep sense of guilt, a sense of helplessness in the face of a powerful fate.She really wanted to help him and get him out of that kind of life, but he had become too strange, and what he told about his life in the past few years made her feel a sense of fear and disgust.For a while, she even worried about AIDS or something at the summit. She heard that AIDS can be transmitted through kissing.Although she felt that it was not good to doubt him like this, she still went to the hospital for an examination and was relieved when she found that he was fine.She was very worried about Feng. If he lived like him, even if he didn't contract AIDS, he might not live for long.

She knows that there are many men in China who are living a life like Feng, and they are proud of it. While doing illegal business, they play with women to their heart's content. What people brag about is how many people they have slept with in total. She wrote down the story and sent it to Chutian in "whispering words", hoping that he could write Feng's story so that more people would know it and warn them not to harm others or themselves.For some reason, in front of Chu Tian, ​​she was not shy about her secret thoughts or feelings at all. She felt that he could understand her, and he would listen patiently and explain with kindness, just like a father and brother, like a good teacher and helpful friend.

She also briefly wrote about "that man", because she believes that Feng is what he is today because of "that man".If there is no love affair with "that man", there will be no lectures from the class teacher.Without the preaching from the head teacher, she wouldn't ignore Feng flatly, then Feng's grades wouldn't decline, and he would be admitted to a good school and become a good person.She told Chutian that the matter of Saifeng was a heavy burden on her heart, and when she thought of him, she felt that she had ruined someone indirectly. A day later, she received a reply from Chutian: "I was deeply moved by the story of you and Feng. Your writing is very good, and the story is very touching. I can't write better than you, because this is your personal experience. You can change the name of the character, Post this story. There are bound to be many people who will love this story and learn from it. If you can get in touch with Feng, please ask for his opinion first. Don't blame yourself too much. Under the circumstances at that time, what you did should be said to be the best decision. Even without what the head teacher said, high school should still focus on learning.If you started dating at that time, not only might you not be able to save Feng, but you might even be included in it.Don't always feel guilty about this matter, because guilt can't change anything, it will only create a mental burden on yourself.Any kind of emotion, once it reaches the point of being unable to extricate itself, is dangerous and may be fatal. Feng is right, everyone may fall in love, but not everyone gives up on themselves, and people should be responsible for themselves.In the face of other people's faults, social injustice, and the blow of fate, we should not take revenge and fight back by destroying our own lives, because self-abuse cannot solve the problem, nor can we take revenge on fate or those who bring us pain.Perhaps the best revenge is to live better and live better. Reminds me of a joke about a grandfather beating his grandson.The grandfather's son, that is, the grandson's father, saw it, and didn't know how to punish his father, so he grabbed a stick, hit his head violently, and said bitterly: "If you beat my son, I will beat your son." Maybe we are like this son who beat himself on the head with a stick many times. " She read his reply, especially the joke, and smiled happily. She felt that what he said was right. We can't take revenge on those who hurt us by giving up on ourselves, but we can only destroy ourselves.Guilt does not help, it can only increase the burden on one's mind.She remembered what he said about emotion: "Any kind of emotion, once it reaches the point of being unable to extricate itself, is dangerous and may be fatal." This sentence rang in her ears like an alarm bell.She thought, my feelings for Jason can be said to have reached the point where I can't extricate myself, I have to find a way to extricate myself, otherwise, I will destroy myself.But when she thinks this way, she finds that she doesn't seem to be so attached to Jason anymore.A lot of time and energy are spent on surfing the Internet, keeping up with posts, writing "Whispering Words", and discussing Chu Tian and his novels with Jie Xin.She wondered vigilantly, am I falling in love with Chutian again?Will it make one poison unresolved, and get poisoned again? During this period of time, she hardly saw Jason, and only met him twice in the science library.Because she wanted to be the first to read Chutian's novels every day and sit on the sofa, and Jiexin was always using that computer, she ran to the science library, where there was a computer with Chinese software installed.She discovered it by accident, and since then she has been running to use the computer.Sometimes someone is already using it. If it is a boy, she will give him a charming smile and ask him to change one. Usually it will be successful.If it's a girl, the situation is more complicated. Others don't like her smile.She had no choice but to humbly beg to change with others, and others would usually change with her, and some would inevitably look at her as if they were insane. One morning when she went there, she found that the computer had been occupied by another person. She was about to give a charming smile, but found that the person was none other than Jason. She was embarrassed to offer that fake smile, embarrassed Freeze there.He saw her and said to her, "Hello, so early?" Seeing that she didn't leave or speak, but just stared at him blankly, he asked with a smile, "What's the matter? It's like seeing a ghost." "Oh, I—I wanted to switch computers with you, but." "Do you want to use this one? OK, no problem, I'll LOGOFF right away." He said, then backed out and gave her the seat. She smiled gratefully at him, sat in front of the seat he vacated, and immediately opened it. Before she started to look, she glanced at Jason's back. For some reason, she felt very ashamed, as if she was following behind her boyfriend's back. Like other boys fooling around.