Chapter 5 Chapter 3 Footprints in the Snow

Beijing is a city like a pyramid. Su Xiaoou once picked up a pencil and drew a large pyramid on white paper with the word Beijing written on it. I didn’t understand, so he drew two straight lines on the body of the tower, dividing the tower into three pieces. Son, I was very excited at the time, thinking that he was researching some new type of cake, but I was spat at, and I saw him give me a disdainful look, then pushed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, and old-fashionedly took a pen to write on the three unevenly distributed cakes. I clicked on the area, and explained: "Beijing is like a pyramid in Egypt. Let me tell you, this tower has three floors. The first floor is full of dignitaries. The area is the smallest, and these people are the least. Why did Beijing drop a plaque? Eight out of ten people are officials. That's pure nonsense. These people don't easily appear on the main road.

The second layer is the so-called elite middle class. Some of them are masters who once dreamed of going to Beijing and dreaming of getting rich overnight.Some of them are built purely by demolition.However, these people are only 30 to 40 percent.If you want to say what characteristics these people have, that is to fully contribute to the city's exhaust emissions. The third floor is the vast bottom. People at the bottom, including you and me, come here with a train ticket in their arms, sweaty and dreamy, or carry old cotton , came directly to the construction site to work, no house, no car, waiting to get out at any time, but stubbornly refused to leave. After the end, I wanted to hug other people's thighs, but I couldn't find a human leg to hug, even if I went to the supermarket to hug Jinhua ham. Weigh your wallets.This kind of people is the most, you can see that our upstairs and downstairs houses are partitioned like ancient huts and you will understand.There are already countless Xiaoqiangs in this city who were suffocated to death all day in the crouching position, what a crime!Xiaoqiang is so beautiful and unlucky, how can I survive? "

At that time, I was so shocked by Su Xiaoou's eloquence that I couldn't speak for a long time. If this person hadn't devoted himself to the comics industry in our country, he would be a mainstream person if he didn't do social research with his eloquence and thoughts. "Go to Japan and let Doraemon transform you to the top of the pyramid." Su Xiaoou wrinkled his nose and looked at me, "With my talent, who else should I fall into? I believe that wherever I go, I will always be an unstoppable Optimus Prime!" "In the toilet?" Su Xiaoou immediately collapsed.

Su Xiaoou and I have known each other for 7 years, and we have long been unscrupulous in joking with each other. In Su Xiaoou's words, when I am in front of others, I pretend to be a quiet lady, but when I am in front of him, I look like a vulgar and vicious man. I like when he calls me man. At least, it can be proved that at the bottom of this pyramid, our friendship has surpassed the so-called gender. I used to be so unscrupulous in front of rice grains. Now, it seems that I can no longer pick up such a carefree feeling. For so many years, maybe the relationship has not changed, but the person has changed.Friendship can last forever, but it won't return to its original appearance.

Su Xiaoou saw me coming back that day, wearing a shawl, carrying a small bag, with long curly hair half up, rubbing his sleepy eyes while eating instant noodles, and lashed out mercilessly, "Oh, put on this again The tablecloth is red, if you see any woman, you can make it so swaying, don't you make it clear that you want to burn my retinas!" I was uncharacteristically not hitting back at him that day. I just sat down, looked at him, and asked solemnly: "Do you think people really change?" Su Xiaoou seemed to have heard some funny joke, and the instant noodles almost squirted out, "Jiang Wei, Jiang Wei, the question you asked is as nutritious as the instant noodles I ate. What's wrong? Your friend has changed? Let me tell you You, it’s impossible for people to stay the same. People have to go through thirty-six changes in life at least like Zhu Bajie. People who believe in the same are either naive or those crappy screenwriters. And you ask yourself, have you changed? ?”

"Have I changed? Uh, it seems to have changed a lot." I pointed to myself and muttered to myself, my brows furrowed slightly. "Let me tell you, it's not that I, Brother Su, want to be independent. I have been drawing comics for decades, insisting on a shining childlike innocence, and insisting on only loving men. In this way, I also change in many ways, such as , I have changed from a fat man to a slender thin man, from a love of thin men to a muscular man, from a love of Master Kong’s instant noodles to the current Wugu Daochang, I Su Brother is also a person who pays attention to health preservation..."

"Yes, yes, Brother Su, stop, I was wrong, I shouldn't have asked such a naive question, you'd better finish your instant noodles and go back to your room to watch the video of your muscular man competition, I'm going to sleep. " I think this topic with Su Xiaoou is over. Just stood up and walked to the room alone, Su Xiaoou is not such a person who is willing to let go, he followed behind me, fanning the wind and igniting the will of ghosts, thinking, "Could it be that your friend has become a big beauty and married a rich man , the whole body is covered with blinding brand names, and he drives a Maserati!"

The door slammed. What Su Xiaoou wanted to say had already been turned away at the door. "Jiang Wei, you need to be more relaxed, maybe she is following an old man, wrinkled like a Shar Pei, the most important thing is that this old man is still a pervert, don't look at this woman's glamorous appearance now, When I go back, I might be hung up and whipped, and dipped in chili water." Su Xiaoou's loud voice continued to chatter outside, I rolled my eyes at the sky, and my gut almost regretted it.Why do I have nothing to provoke him. I was too lazy to talk to him, so I turned on the music on the computer, and after a while, there was a silence outside the door. Based on years of experience, ignorance is the biggest weapon against Su Xiaoou.

I opened the curtains, opened the window, and looked at the busy traffic on the opposite street. The autumn night in Beijing felt cold, and my neck was a little goosebumps from the wind. I couldn't help but think of the thin skirt Mi Li wore. When I left the coffee shop, I gave her my light green coat. She refused at first, but her hands were cold. Finally, she couldn't stand me and put it on. We walked on the avenue when we came here, the moon was cut and grinning at us, the fallen leaves on the bottom of our feet were creaked, and cars passed by slowly from time to time, rice grains took my hand, gradually Warm up, my hands are a little greedy for that soft warmth, still the same as before.It's just that this kind of warmth didn't let me have it for too long.

I met that dusty man, Mi Li's fiancé, Chen Jin. He has a burly figure, a rough appearance, and a straight suit that looks very energetic, but there is a bit of vicissitudes between his brows. When he shook hands with me, he was very strong. The back of my hand curled up, but it still hurt a little. I looked at his enthusiasm. With a smile, the corners of his mouth also grinned stupidly. "Sorry, I'm late... My name is Chen Jin. Mi Li should have told you. It's not the first time I've seen you. Mi Li has a lot of photos of you. The real person is much prettier than the photos. Female University Eighteen changes, you are right."

"Stop talking about these stereotypes, Xiao Wei is not your client." "As long as you praise me for looking good, it's not considered polite." I followed them and chatted. After getting in the car, Chen Jin talked a lot, and generally revolved around his birthplace and family work. This is a completely different man. Be it appearance or personality. I got off the car at the door of the apartment. Chen Jin and Mi Li still had a banquet to attend, so I said goodbye briefly. Mi Li grabbed my hand and rubbed it slightly. I said let's hug it. Between her fragrant hair, she patted me on the back, and I said goodbye next time. She whispered in my ear, and her warm breath lingered in my ears, "If you have someone you like, go see it, don't care about other people's opinions, don't miss it." don't miss out... don't miss out... Closing the window also blocked the coolness, I looked at the easel next to the bed, the drawing paper was messed up by my scribbles last night, just like my heart at the moment. It's been so long. It seems like centuries have passed. But when I close my eyes, it seems like it happened yesterday. I have people I like, always have.It's just that this kind of liking has lasted too long, it seems like a habit for a long time, and it seems to be buried by time for a long time, I can't notice it, but I can think of it anytime, anywhere. At this time, I sat in front of the desk, opened the drawer, and picked up the picture book that hadn't been flipped for a long time. Every time I open it, I almost need courage, because the aftertaste is also exhausting, because I have never gotten it, because it is out of reach, and because I can easily recall the bits and pieces of that period of youth, and the emotions seem to be omnipotent. staged in front of my eyes. Years passed, I sat in this narrow room in a foreign land, the warm yellow light in front of the desk shone on my no longer immature face, I lowered my head, lowered my eyelids, and gently stroked the distant painting in front of me. Time seems to turn back at this moment. I am 17 years old sitting in front of the white desk at home. The soft afternoon sun shines on my immature face through the white curtains, and the brown pupils are shining warm and gorgeous. Light, I hold a pencil in my hand, concentrate and affectionately, stroke by stroke, follow the deep memory and delicate feelings in my heart, wandering on the white drawing paper. As soon as I turned my head, I could see him sitting by the window. He always liked to prop his head on his left hand. His neat black hair was scattered on his smooth forehead. Looking at the book in his hand, his long eyelashes trembled slightly with his breath, his nose bridge was high, his lips were slightly pursed, and the breeze blew, and his white school uniform shirt floated slightly, like a floating cloud. The classroom seemed to be covered with a layer of soft light, and time stood still, only him sitting there, with a hazy side face, so beautiful, so focused, the wind blowing gently, blowing into the time tunnel. I touched the long-awaited side face on the drawing paper, and the breeze was already blowing on my face. I remember when I was a freshman, a girl in the dormitory next door who was prone to blushing asked me this way: "Xiao Wei, tell me, is your first love really pink?" When she said this, her face was filled with a pink halo. My eyes dimmed, my first love... He murmured bitterly in his heart: "My first love is gray." If someone asks me again today, I will say that it is warm yellow, and this color is just the halo of the long time. That night, I dreamed of him again. When I woke up, I had already forgotten what kind of story was in the dream, and the bits and pieces couldn't be patched together.I just remember that his outline is still the same as in memory. I just remember that the expression on his face was still the same as in memory. That's all. But the heart could not restrain the long aftertaste of sweetness. very happy. Even if you can only see his appearance in dreams occasionally, it is a great happiness. Get up, brush your teeth, wash your face, heat a cup of milk in a hurry, swallow dry bread, put on your coat, and go out. Every morning at work is the same. It's just that today, I feel a little drunk on my face. "Hey, Xiao Wei, your cheeks are so pink, you look like a young girl in spring, tell me, have you been engaged in underground activities recently?" In Beijing, Xin Chao, my best friend, an excellent person in the company, and a self-proclaimed emotional expert, teased me in the bathroom. As soon as he said it, he also booed, "That's right, Xiao Wei looks really good today. People are in good spirits on happy occasions!" "How can there be any happy event? I have to work overtime tonight. Yuanhua's plan is so difficult, so you should stop gloating. I am not in good spirits, I am almost mentally ill!" "Don't admit it, I found out that our company is the one with the most strict mouth, Xiaowei, who is comparable to the spies in the spy war dramas, and we may not know when we get married!" "You guys have a good idea. If you don't get married, I'll give you all the money back in double, you, and you." Those married people who were laughing very restlessly, cut at me with disdain, "Money is indispensable to you, but you have to bring it for us to see!" The joking people gradually dispersed, and Xin Chao took my arm and suddenly giggled, "If these married women are really asked to pay double, they will ruin your business." "They should pray that I don't get married. This saves money and I don't have to be nagged all the time. My mother will talk to me about this when she calls, and my ears are almost twitching." Xin Chao suddenly pulled up my sleeves excitedly, his eyes sparkled and he said, "Oh, Xiao Wei, you said it would be okay for the two of us to go on a blind date show? Look, there are a lot of men for you to choose from." , Second, you can become a famous person on TV." "You are really worthy of being called Xin Chao. You are always chasing these trendy things. They are all called shows, and they are entertaining the public. You really take it seriously." Xin Chao looked thoughtful, "He will be able to see it when it's on TV, right?" "Your ex-boyfriend?" Xin Chao shook his head, "My ex-ex-ex-boyfriend is also my first love." "He saw it, will he contact you?" "I don't know. Things in the world are hard to say, let alone people's hearts. Maybe his heart has changed, maybe...he is still the same. Alas, who made me not know how to cherish it back then?" Xin Chao's tone was slightly lonely. In this loneliness, I understood her remorse and expectation. "Have you made a decision?" Xin Chao scratched his head and grinned, "I want him to see me now. I've changed, maybe I've become what he expected." "You are a master in our company for telling the facts and presenting the truth. I think you are not only mature, but also familiar. You, make your own decision, and I will be your backup team when the time comes." "It's a deal!" Xin Chao smiled heartlessly. In my mind, I couldn't help but think of the dream last night. In the dream, I met him, and I laughed like this. Today is an ordinary day. There are still overtime work, exhausted brain cells, and incandescent lamps in the office without a trace of warmth. Time obviously passed very slowly, but in a blink of an eye, I was standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows of the office, drinking cheap and refreshing instant coffee. In the instant coffee, the years are consumed so quickly, I drink it, and look at the familiar night scene of the city as if I were empty. The ridiculous thing is that even though the eyes look at the night scene, no matter how many times I look at it, I still can't melt into it. The heart is not in this scene, it has always been. I don't know how many people in this city are like me on such a night, standing alone by the windows of high-rise buildings, watching the lights flickering outside, listening to the sound of car horns and the sound of people, the body is exhausted, The heart is also empty. Such emptiness is full of confusion and boredom, even sometimes, I don't know who I am and what kind of life I long for.We just shuttle through this huge city like puppets, crowded, working, and living. So many lonely nights, who will we think of in the occasional gap? Autumn and winter come. After several days of cold weather, the city suddenly became gray. I got up from the warm blanket, as if I had exhausted all my strength.When it comes to winter, I can't wait to curl up into a hibernating animal and stay in the bed until the spring is warm and the flowers bloom. Although the heating in the house is not very good, but as soon as you go out, you will be surrounded by bitter cold wind, your hair will be blown in a mess, and even your nose will be sour from the cold. It is like falling from heaven to hell. I looked at the man passing by, wrapped his head with a scarf until only two eyes remained, and the most important thing was that the scarf was still pale, like a mummified corpse.Looking at the people in front of me with their heads bowed and shoulders hunched, I couldn't help but sigh in my heart, these are not office workers, they are clearly a group of refugees. After finally squeezing into the subway, I was squeezed among a group of men without a single gap. I was not tall and could only be surrounded heavily. I used human flesh as a cushion. I raised my head in a daze to waste time, but I saw the man in front of me with a righteous face. He raised his head high, as if he was going to die, but unfortunately I saw his rough nose hairs protruding outwards. I had no choice but to lower my head for entertainment, but when I turned my head, I saw the man on the left who was not The jeans with the zipper door closed, and the bright red long johns looming, I cursed in my heart that it was really refreshing to see such a coquettish underwear show early in the morning.I turned around in embarrassment, but in the process of turning around, the car shook, and the man on the right stepped on my foot. eyes were staring at me, and my heart had to mourn for such an unfortunate morning. When I arrived at the station, I managed to squeeze out of the subway. I was so tired that I felt like I had been skinned. When I first arrived at the company, Mr. Li saw my embarrassed face, but he turned a blind eye and gave the task directly, "That... Xiao Wei, later I will go to the airport with Xin Chao to pick up Mr. An from Guoxin, and order flowers to take there." I nodded numbly: "Okay." Mr. Li looked me up and down, "Why did you look like this, your hair looks like a chicken coop, you have to pay attention to your image at work." "The wind is blowing and the subway is crowded. Before I can make it, your old man blocked me with the door." I could only swallow this sentence in my stomach, with a helpless smile on my face. Sitting on the seat, he called the florist to prepare the bouquet in advance, and after hanging up the phone, he borrowed a mirror and a comb from Xin Chao. My son was almost blown into Mei Chaofeng by the broken wind. When I got out of the subway, if I hadn’t met Xiaosun, I wouldn’t be able to get out today. Xiaosun dug me out of the crowd like a carrot. In a few seconds, my head was about to be caught by the door. I understand that when taking the subway in Beijing, not being able to squeeze in is a kind of pain, being squeezed in is another kind of pain, and being unable to squeeze in is a huge Painful. If you miss a station, you will be fined for being late! This kind of pain is so heart-piercing that I want to die!" I was amused by Xin Chao's words, "You're going to perform cross talk at the bridge, and I'll go out of my way to support you." Xin Chao can always use his ability to have fun while suffering, "Nonsense, I am a bodhisattva, and I will not compete with Guo Degang for a job, otherwise, once I enter the scene, his position will be ruined." Mr. Li came in at some point, "Stop being silly here, you two, hurry up and go." He pointed at me, "Oh, your head doesn't look like a chicken coop this time, it's good." After Mr. Li disappeared, Xin Chao couldn't hold back anymore. He giggled and imitated Mr. Li's tone, "Very good! The most amazing thing is Mr. Li's expression when he talked to you just now, it's so peaceful!" I was drinking water, but I choked on the words "truly peaceful", and my face turned red for a moment. Laughing and going downstairs, the two of us walked to the door and waited for the car. When a gust of cold wind blew, Xin Chao couldn't help but sneezed and shivered, "The wind is blowing badly, and the sky is still so cloudy. Snowing." "It looks like it to me, too. It's unbearably cold two days before it snows every year." Xin Chao pushed my arm, sucked his nose, and breathed out white mist, "Boss An and you are fellow villagers, right? The last time he came to Boss Li, he called you to pick up the plane." "Yeah, I see that he is quite friendly. A fellow." "According to the spies' report, this Ann is always single. Do you want to sublimate the intimacy into intimacy?" I rolled my eyes at Xin Chao, who had a smirk on his face, "Mi Liu is from your hometown, and she is also single, and you also said that you feel close to her when you see her, so you can consider sublimating into a lesbian with her, I Raise your feet up." "Your tongue...as expected...is very poisonous." Xin Chao pinched his neck and pretended to be dying on purpose. I looked at the direction the car was coming from, patted her on the shoulder, and said with a smile, "Stop acting, the car is coming." Talking and laughing along the way, today’s road conditions are good, Master Liu is in a good mood, humming along with the car radio, especially when we got on the airport expressway, and the traffic is unimpeded, Master Liu hummed even more vigorously, completely suppressing Xin Chao and me Xin Chao curled his lips, "Master Liu is crazy today, and he has a good singing voice. Go up and shout at the annual meeting. I have arranged the repertoire for you. Let's sing Brother Huan's "The Hero" "Song", let everyone open their eyes." "You little girl is eloquent, why haven't you married yourself yet, hurry up!" Xin Chao's eyes widened, but he didn't expect Master Liu to poke her soft spot, "Hey, Master Liu, you are very strict, or you can introduce me." Master Liu hummed a song and ignored her. I looked down at the time on my watch, and suddenly I heard Xin Chao excitedly shout: "Wow, it's snowing." I turned my head and looked out the window, Master Liu smiled, "It just fell, it was just a little snow, now it's snowing a little bit more, look at the car glass, you guys are just making noise." The snowflakes fell on the window of the car, and melted into water droplets as if in an instant. I was in a daze at the snowflakes falling outside. After a while, Xin Chao's voice yelled in my ears, "Here, come on, Xiaowei, you take the flowers, when fellow countrymen see fellow villagers, their eyes will be full of tears." Xin Chao and I got out of the car, the snowflakes fell on our faces and it was cool, Xin Chao and Master Liu said a few words, then pulled me straight to the pick-up gate, but as soon as we arrived, we were met by a gang of black and white The person holding the sign was stunned. A contemptuous voice of an aunt who was picking up people sounded, "What are you doing? Now these children don't go to school well, and their parents don't bother to pick up any celebrities. These celebrities are treasures. Cut! What a waste! The money will be repaid!" Xin Chao glanced at the aunt's scarlet lips, pulled me away, and murmured nervously into my ear: "This aunt has reached menopause, and she doesn't like anything, let's stay away, if you are with those fans If we quarrel, our two pond fish will suffer!" "Well, the sense of crisis is very strong, I will wear a little red flower for you when I go back." As soon as I finished praising Xin Chao, there was a commotion around, and someone shouted excitedly: "Come out, come out!" Before the words fell, I heard a group of girls screaming, "Ah!" We looked towards the exit, and a tall young boy wearing sunglasses walked over surrounded by a group of people, with red lips and white teeth, a charming smile on his face, and sparkling diamond earrings on his earlobes. Xin Chao whispered in my ear: "This one is popular now, ladies and gentlemen, the more handsome the girls are, the more attractive they are, and the more feminine the boys, the more popular they are. The world is really crazy." I feel the same way, "This earth is no longer the earth we know. It is estimated that one day we want to immigrate to alien planets and aliens will think we are deformed." The screams were deafening, and Xin Chao and I were pushed into a corner by crazy fans. Those fans surrounded the idol like stars, with excited expressions like birds looking for food, and some even hugged together I cried so much. "These kids." Xin Chao shook his head, pretending to be sorry. I couldn't help laughing, "It proves that they are still young. We are old, and we can't live well. How can we have time to chase stars?" The mighty crowd finally dispersed slowly with the departure of the star. I searched for Mr. An in the crowd with flowers in my arms. Xin Chao poked me and pointed straight ahead, "Xiao Wei, what kind of eyes do you have?" , Boss An is waving at you, are you here to pick up someone or just to watch the excitement." Mr. An in a black coat came over, and I gave him flowers, "Welcome to Beijing, Mr. An." Mr. An took the flowers, and his lips curled up, "Thank you for the flowers, please come and pick me up again this time." Xin Chao walked over to make friends with Mr. An, "Mr. An's spirit is so good. My face is ashen after taking the plane for more than an hour." Everyone was chatting and laughing, and the atmosphere was very harmonious. When Xin Chao mentioned the matter of the star just now, Mr. An thought of something and smiled happily, "I heard a commotion from a long distance just now. The person in front of me was timid and thought there was something wrong. Terrorist attack, I turned around and hid behind me, my eyebrows were so frightened." Xin Chao laughed out of joy, "This man is really funny." A middle-aged man on the opposite side may have come to pick up someone, but he was in a hurry, Xin Chao was also chatting, the two of them collided, Xin Chao’s cell phone dropped on the ground, the man hurriedly picked it up, and said sorry, Xin Chao didn't bother to care about it, Mr. An asked with concern: "Is the phone okay?" Xin Chao smiled mischievously, "My mobile phone is a little strong that can't be dropped, don't worry whoever uses it." I looked back at the direction where the man disappeared, and Xin Chao patted my arm, "Oh, you still want to kill his back with your eyes, it's okay, let's go." I laughed, but my eyes froze when I retracted it. The staggered flow of people and noisy voices seemed to be a familiar image, but my eyes had an illusion at a certain point. Is it an illusion? I walked out of the gate in a daze, but I still couldn't help turning sideways to look to the right rear not far away. The thing I was looking for was like a static luminous point, and it bloomed in my eyeballs. It's him. Even if it's just walking through the crowd, walking through such a long time river, just a silhouette, I can be sure that it is him. Just like, a few years ago, when I first met him, I caught a glimpse of him. "What are you doing?" "No……" The footsteps are moving, but the heart is still at that moment. The car came, snowflakes floated on my lips, wet and cold, I couldn't help shivering, this was not a dream. I was sitting in the front seat, my body was a little stiff, the voices of Zong An and Xin Chao could be heard intermittently, but they were so unreal, like voices from another world. I actually saw him. He was wearing a gray coat, his black scarf fluttered slightly in the wind, and white snowflakes fell on his black hair and shoulders.He turned his face sideways and talked to the two people around him, I turned my face away and looked at him through the glass, his face was facing me, his expression was calm, but it was impossible to know, behind the foggy car window, There is such a me who lost my size because of seeing him. Why am I still sitting here, why... I have no idea. Why didn't I go to say hello to him, even though he can't remember me... I have no idea. I haven't felt so helpless in a long time. That feeling is like walking and running in a foggy day, surrounded by a vast expanse of whiteness, as if there are roads everywhere, and none of them are roads. I can only hear my own rapid panting and heartbeat... Until Mr. An's words pulled my disordered soul back, "Xiao Wei, I don't talk much today, unlike last time, I was chirping like a bird." Xin Chao joked, "It seems that she was the one who dropped the phone, and lost her soul." Yes, I lost my soul again. And cowardly. After a day of work, I couldn't concentrate, and the scene when I saw him at the airport kept flashing in my mind, the gray coat, the black hair with light snowflakes, and his expression when talking with others... Isn't he in Germany?What is he doing in Beijing?Is that beautiful girl in a green cashmere coat next to him his colleague or his girlfriend? "Hey, Jiang Wei, just buy me such a small bowl, can such a small bowl have instant noodles?" "I'm asking you something, why are you in a daze, it's directly related to my quality of life!" It was only then that I realized that I had already returned home, and I kindly bought a bowl for Su Xiaoou, a big slob, and the time passed so quickly... Even I couldn't help but ask myself, how did I spend my day? "Look at how stupid you are now, what's the matter, you ate the pie from the sky, and you still won the lottery, and you didn't even buy my bowl properly!" I threw the bowl to Su Xiaoou, who was protesting, "You didn't say how big a bowl you want, it's cheap if you don't have it, and you're a good boy. If you think it's too small, just eat it from the pot. You're a savage anyway. What do you eat with? I can't even return to a civilized society!" Su Xiaoou persisted, "I'll tell you, Jiang Wei, if you buy a bowl, you have to buy a big one. When you're hungry, you can use it for instant noodles, and when it's raining, you can use it for your head. I use one bowl for multiple purposes, do you understand?" "Do you still want to say that you can use it to soak your feet when you are tired from walking?" Su Xiaoou stared at me, opened and closed his mouth, "How...how do you know?" I just ignored his unnutritious words and affectation, and went straight to get the juice from the refrigerator. Seeing that I ignored him, Su Xiaoou automatically ended the conversation about the bowl, leaned over to me, and asked obsequiously: "I have my share." ?" I looked at his hungry face and thought it was funny, "You can drink it if you want, when will I be so stingy that I won't even give you juice?" Su Xiaoou rolled his eyes, thought of something, and suddenly slapped his thigh, "I'm returning the juice, I showed Jin Tian the sketch you drew, and he said it was good, let you draw well, and the story should be brighter!" "I'll draw when I have time, I've been too busy recently." "Is the name ready?" "Not yet." Su Xiaoou's small eyes flashed at me, and his smile was so bright that he could not live forever, "I knew that as a friend, I would play a decisive role at this time. I, I have thought about it for you. How about "Man", does it sound good?" My juice almost spit out, "Please, can you not afford such a vulgar name, you think everyone's work name must be exactly the same as yours!" "Aren't you painting your own first love? You think I'm an idiot. I chose this name to resonate with everyone. It is concise, clear in theme, and very eye-catching. Do you understand what commercial value is? The value is not to seek the best, but to seek the most vulgar!" Su Xiaoou is very serious, not like he usually talks and plays, I couldn't help asking him: "Then tell the truth, have you read my finished plots, have you thought of your first love, did it resonate with you?" Su Xiaoou replied directly without thinking: "Of course it resonates. When I read your manuscript, I was thinking of the girl I had a crush on in primary school. She is thin and tall. She knows how to dress well. Every time I see her wearing I am very happy with the beautiful clothes. I am happier than taking the New Year’s money. However, she, the costume master, also occasionally makes mistakes. She came to school a few times when she was dressed ugly. Those times, I felt uncomfortable when I saw her , I was so annoyed that I didn't even want to talk to her." I was speechless at Su Xiaoou's focused expression on the memory, what kind of person is this, who can be so snobbish even if he has a crush on someone, "You, it's not that you have a crush on her, you have a crush on the beautiful clothes she wears, right? , really convinced you. But I was surprised that you liked girls when you were in primary school, I thought you would be a chubby little boy." Su Xiaoou scratched his face, his face collapsed, "You are surprised, but I am surprised that you are a man, you are obviously a man, your painting style is so delicate, who are you fooling, when you were young, you still had a crush on someone so greasy, I can tell you that secret love is the ultimate expression of mensao, you..." I interrupted him, "I... saw him today." Su Xiaoou pointed at me with a frightened expression on his face, "That bully has finally appeared, you have greeted him so many times in your heart, is he still alive?" I gave him an annoyed look, "He didn't see me." Su Xiaoou's mouth tilted exaggeratedly, "Then you?" "I didn't go to say hello to him, there are so many people at the airport." I knew I was making excuses for myself, but I didn't expect that Su Xiaoou would yell at me with a look of hatred for iron and steel, and changed his previous unscrupulous attitude, "It's fine if we don't meet by fate, but if we meet You don't even give a fart, how many times do you think God will give you a chance? You usually behave like a man in front of me, but at critical times, you are a bag!" I drooped my shoulders and kept silent. This night, I was destined to have a sleepless night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. I chose to pick up the paintbrush, and Su Xiaoou’s words sounded over and over again in my mind. He was right. In the dark emotions, I have always been Bao. Outside the house was a vast expanse of whiteness, and the snowflakes fell thicker in the middle of the night, but it was silent. I looked at the painting on the easel that I didn't have time to take down as if it was a long time film. My eyes were a little blurred. The slender figure in the painting slowly moved in front of my eyes. He was fluttering in the cold wind, but he seemed to be walking in the ice and snow, so relaxed and at ease. In my memory, it was an early morning in the winter of the first year of high school. Because of the rare heavy snow, almost all the students who were close to the school came to school on foot. Maybe it was because they came too early. There were only him and me on that road, and he walked very fast. , I was left far behind. When I was young, I was wearing a red coat, and the white woolen hat was too big, so it quickly slipped in front of my eyes. I gasped in embarrassment, as if I couldn’t walk through the snow all over the sky, and I only heard myself thumping.的心跳声，我停下来戴好帽子，低下头，眼睛缓缓垂了下来，看着雪地里往前绵长悠远的脚印。 我不知为何竟然傻傻地笑了起来，空气里满是我嘴巴里呵出的雾气，缥缈地在我面前周旋，我轻声喊他的名字，明知道远远在前的他不可能听到。 我就这样看着雪地里的一步一个脚印，那样深，且定型，我顺着那个只属于他的脚印踩下去，鞋底发出咯吱咯吱的轻微窸窣声，我那时候就想，若是永远这样一步一个脚印跟随着他走下去，该是怎样的一种幸福。 虽然我的傻笑还有那些涌动的情怀，他并不知晓。 我揉了揉眼睛，放下手中握得紧紧的画笔，走到卫生间用冷水洗了洗脸，努力地想让情绪平复，水珠顺着刘海滴滴答答地落了下来，流在瘦弱的锁骨上，冰冷无比，我忍不住打了一个寒战。 “雪地里的脚印……” 是不是所有人，只要在这世上仍旧活着，都逃不过这座叫做记忆的城池？ 各人的城池，各人自知。 我的那方小小的城池里，有我第一次的悸动，有第一次爱上的人，有第一次知道何谓思念，尽管，这一切的第一次重要如生命，而那个人可能永远都无从得知。 就像那雪地里的脚印，永远落在自己的心底，而他却不可能知道这般细微的故事。 我看着镜子里的自己，眼睛里布满了血丝，疲倦得没有一丝力气。 我曾经试想过，在茫茫人流的大街上和他不期而遇的场景，我应该会装作自然地和他打招呼，心里隐藏着只有自己知道的兴奋和激动。可是，当真正遇到他时，我才明白，原来念想着能见一面的人，站在不远处，自己却僵硬得难以向他挪出一步。 这么多年，我非但没有进步，反而倒退了很多。以前的我，起码能与他自如地说话聊天，现在呢，我忍不住苦笑了起来，就连面对面的勇气也没了。 时间，抹平了年少时心中的伤痛，却也更残酷地拉远了我们的距离，远得无边无际了。我只能站得这样远，远远地看着他。 我关掉水龙头，残留的水哗啦啦流入下水道，那样匆匆。正如我这些年的感情，直到今日，我才真正明白，我对他的感受，有增无减，却那样义无反顾地流入了下水道，他从未得见。原来，越是深爱，越是怯懦。 我真是一个可笑的傻子。 洗手间的玻璃门被苏晓鸥敲得咚咚响，“你要是睡不着，我跟你一起出去堆雪人。” 我头发还湿润地贴着额头，就跟着苏晓鸥下了楼，大地银装素裹，昏黄的路灯下雪花飘落得像白羽般轻盈。 “你今晚不用赶稿子吗？” 苏晓鸥把我往前推，“堆雪人比赶稿子有意思多了，你别扫兴，玩的时候就尽兴！” “以前你可从来没说过堆雪人好玩啊，你是为了陪我吧？” 苏晓鸥瞥了我一眼，“你一肉麻，我浑身鸡皮疙瘩都起来了，大雪天的，你还嫌我不够冷啊？” 我被他的话逗笑了。 我们踩着厚厚的积雪，鞋底发出细微的咯吱声，不一会儿，苏晓鸥黑色的棉外套上已发白，头发上满是雪花，风迎面吹来，雪花飘到了我的眼里，苏晓鸥在前面叹了一句：“今天这雪下得够大的呀，真跟鹅毛似的。”说着还用手接住放在鼻子上装模作样地嗅了嗅。 我懒得管他的矫揉造作，只对着他的侧影问：“喂，你别装忧郁了，我们这要走到哪里去啊？” “中心花园啊，你就知道打岔。”苏晓鸥不满地回头看我，怪我坏了他的戏份，只一脸不耐烦地催促我道：“你别磨叽，像个企鹅，走快点儿。” 我“哦”了一声，风声从身边穿过，雪花凌乱地飞舞着，我吸了吸鼻子，卖力地跟着苏晓鸥来到了中心花园，苏晓鸥抖了抖身上的雪花，不远处有一对情侣正在热火朝天地忙活着，苏晓鸥抹了把脸，白色的雪地照得他脸煞白，只听他咬牙切齿道：“大半夜的不睡觉，跑这儿来堆什么雪人，抢老子的先。” “人家说不定还骂你呢，大半夜的不睡觉，搅和人家的二人世界。” “啥也别说了，我自认倒霉，我还想堆个雪人呢，好让明天一大早起床的人，好好欣赏我的杰作。” 我看着苏晓鸥一脸丧气的样子，忍不住噗一声笑了起来，推了他一把，“吹牛皮吧，少说话多做事，我倒要看看你这双手能堆出什么样的雪人。” “那肯定是相当霸气。” 苏晓鸥的这句话落下一个小时后，我看着他的作品，抑制住想狂笑的冲动，“真是……霸气外露啊。” “你这是表扬还是嘲讽？” “当然是表扬啊，哈哈！”我最终还是没忍住，大笑了起来。 “这哪里是雪人嘛，明明就是个葫芦。” “葫芦又怎么样，起码它有线条。” 我笑得抹眼泪，苏晓鸥估计自己也看不下去了，也跟着笑了起来，谁能想到，漫画画得那样出色的人，堆雪人会这么笨拙。 “有本事你堆啊，只知道笑我，自己一个人在那刨雪玩儿，你学土狗刨坑呢！” “我有自知之明。我高一的时候堆过一次雪人，结果被同学们笑死了。” 恍惚中，记忆里他的声音在我耳边响起，“你堆的那个是雪人吗？” 我的笑意顿住，看向眼前苏晓鸥堆的这个搞笑的雪人，一瞬间，仿佛看到了那个雪天，我在教学楼后面堆的雪人。 孤零零的，没有脸，没有眼睛，没有鼻子，丑得根本看不出来是个雪人。 我回到教室，衣袖上全是水渍，雪地靴上面还残留着雪花，手掌心被雪冻得通红，鼻子酸得在座位上打了个喷嚏，他扭过头来，看着我狼狈的样子，一本正经地问我：“你堆的那个是雪人吗？” 我木然地看着他，脸色有些微窘，“是啊。” "I can't tell." 他淡淡的声音落下，不再看我。 是看不出来我堆的是雪人，还是看不出来我堆的雪人这么难看…… 寒风在耳边呼呼地刮，苏晓鸥一个大喷嚏打了过来，皱着鼻子问我：“又想什么呢，还笑？” “我有笑吗？” 我装作没这回事地侧过身，只拽着他的胳膊往前走，“太冷了，我们还是回去吧。” 苏晓鸥扭过头来，玩味地看着我，“唉，姜唯，你刚才是不是又在想你的初恋情人了？” “我只是想到了上学那会儿的一些小事。” 苏晓鸥见我神色不动，叹了口气，“你就死鸭子嘴硬吧，我反正管不了你的这些儿女情长，我只送你八个字。” “你想说什么就直说，别卖关子了。” 苏晓鸥顿了顿，看着我的眼睛一动不动，“岁月已逝，人各有志。” 我脚步一下像是挪不开来，只呆呆地站在原地。 苏晓鸥把手插在兜里，走得很快，见我不动，也不意外，只是远远对我喊话：“喂，我先回去煮面条吃，你快点儿上楼啊！” 不知过了多久，雪花落在我的睫毛上、鼻子上、嘴唇上，冷得像是要凝结，我的心也随着冷了下去。 岁月已逝，人各有志。 这八个字是再现实不过的光景，我是明白这样的道理的，可是，却从未真正想过，宁可把一切装在梦里面。 就如同当初我强迫自己放弃和忘记，可心还是伫立原地不得动弹。 这个世界永远是，想得明白，做起来，就糊涂了。 我蹲下身去，看着光洁平整的雪地，伸出手指，一笔一画地在雪地里写出他的名字，眼里有着暖意，却触指冰凉。 我知道，这三个字，会伴着风雪，了无痕迹，它只书写在我的心头。 即使，即使一切都不可能，我把他藏在心里，一直藏着，只有自己知道，难道也不可以吗？ 我看着眼前白茫茫的大地，伴着风声，一切都苍白在了心里，只对着天空长长地呵了一口气，缓缓地闭上眼睛，任由盘旋在天空的雪花前仆后继地落在我的脸颊上，脖子里。 雪静悄悄的，静谧无声。 心中却突然传来一阵遥远的声音，在这雪景里听起来极为空旷，又像是这雪花的生命般，稍纵即逝。 江子墨…… Are you OK?