Chapter 37 Chapter Thirty-Seven Let Love Go Back on the Waves

I have been with my favorite colleague for more than four years, and I have never thought about what stories will happen between us. We both work for the same magazine in Beijing. I am an editor and reporter, and he is an American editor and photographer. We usually have many opportunities to cooperate.He is very dedicated, rarely speaks at work, and often smiles instead when he needs to make a statement.But even so, our cooperation is very tacit. In many cases, there is no need for language communication at all. Just a glance is enough to express the meaning of the other party. After working together for a long time, he became acquainted with his family naturally.Sometimes, his wife Xiao Lin would visit the class with her son who just turned one year old, and occasionally I would accompany them to have a light meal.Whenever I see their family of three enjoying themselves in harmony, I can't help but feel a sense of melancholy passing through my heart.My husband and I are considered to be in love, but we have been married for three years but are still in the running-in period.The husband is a radio host, and both of them have emotional and dramatic personalities. They are vigorous when they love, and they are also vigorous when they quarrel. Since they got married, they have repaid each other as much passion as they have given each other.I am a little envious of Zhong Yi and his wife, they look calm and calm, there are not many sweet words, but the congenial eyes are full of warmth.

Kobayashi often said: "You want to have a child too. If you have a child, the family will be lively." I smiled and couldn't help hesitating. Maybe after having a child, my relationship with my husband will improve.However, I didn't have the courage to decide the rest of my life just like that.Marriage is still just a matter of two people, but a family is already a small world.Having a child represents extraordinary courage and responsibility, and I am not a brave mother. In September, Zhong Yi and I went to Dalian to cover the tidbits of the Fashion Festival.Dalian is my natal family, and I couldn't wish for this task, so I took another month's personal leave in addition to the business.

During the peak tourist season, it is very difficult to buy a ticket to Dalian. After a lot of effort, I only got two hard seats. After getting on the train, the first thing Zhong Yi did was to find the conductor.After a while, he struggled all the way through the crowded crowd and returned to his original position through the six-car carriage, and told me out of breath that all the sleeper tickets had been sold out. I smiled wryly, and could only look at the passengers standing in the aisle to comfort myself: "Having hard seats is already much better than standing tickets. I don't know how many people are envious of us."

At two o'clock in the night, I was lying on the coffee table and fell into a drowsy sleep. Suddenly Zhongyi pushed me awake, handed me a sleeper ticket and said, "There is a passenger in Liaoyang getting off the bus, and I finally got a ticket." , you go to sleep for a while, there are still five or six hours to arrive." "how about you?" "The conductor said that there will be another passenger getting off the train later, and I will make up the ticket later." I didn't think much about it, and took the hard-won sleeper ticket and struggled to find a seat with great difficulty. I put down my backpack and fell asleep.

Maybe it was because I was too tired. These five hours were almost the sweetest sleep I have ever had in my life, and I didn't even have a single dream. When I got out of the car early the next morning, I looked around for Zhong Yi, and it took me a while to see him get off at the door of the hard-seat car.I was stunned, and then I realized that he didn't make up the sleeper ticket at all. He deliberately said that he still had a spare ticket to make me feel at ease. At that moment, I was grateful and ashamed, and I didn't know what to say for a while. When I got home, I was always in a trance. Even though I was surrounded by the most sincere and warm family members, I still felt uneasy and I was always tied to something.Suddenly, I realized that I was worried about Zhong Yi. I wondered if he had already found a hotel and had lunch. He came to Dalian for the first time and he was unfamiliar with the place. I should wait for him to settle down before leaving.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt guilty. Facing the table full of seafood, I couldn't eat. The next day, as soon as I saw him at the Xinghai Convention and Exhibition Center, I couldn't wait to ask: "How was your day yesterday? Is the hotel in good condition? What did you have for dinner? Why didn't you call me?" Zhong Yi smiled good-naturedly, and waited until I finished asking questions before saying, "Reporters always have a lot of questions... But, you never gave me your Dalian home phone number!" "Really? You don't know?" I widened my eyes.In my mind, I thought he already knew everything about me.It wasn't until this moment that I realized that apart from our two years of dating, apart from each other's professional abilities, we are actually strangers.

I apologized repeatedly, and handed Zhong Yi a pager, which I temporarily borrowed from my sister, so that I could contact him more conveniently. I put my hand next to my ear as if making a phone call, and said, "Please call 5229 and leave a message: Would you like to go to the sea with me?" Zhong Yi nodded, and put her hand to her ear: "5229 resumes the machine, and said: I am willing." "I am willing", my heart moved, it was like a newlywed couple in a church answering a priest's words. After thinking and worrying all day and night yesterday, in my heart, I felt that he was a lot closer to him. I felt that he was the person I was closest to. He was separated by accident and found it with great difficulty. I must accompany him carefully. Follow, and can no longer be separated easily.

It was late at the end of the interview, and there was a misty drizzle in the sky.The two of us walked all the way to the beach. When we passed the square, an eight or nine-year-old girl came up to sell roses.Zhong Yi bought one and handed it to me, I said thank you and put it in my handbag. After walking a few steps forward, Zhong Yi suddenly stopped, hesitated, turned around and caught up with the little flower seller again, and bought all her flowers. I vaguely heard him say: "It's raining, Go home early." My eyes were suddenly moist. For the first time, when I accepted the rose, I was not moved by the rose itself.

Facing the drizzle, he ran back quickly and handed the whole basket of roses to me: "For you." This time, instead of thanking him again, I took his hand naturally. That hand, so warm and kind, still retains the fragrance of roses.It made me feel that I suddenly became very small, as if I was just a young child holding her childhood sweetheart's little boyfriend. The moon in the sky is hazy like a dream in the silk rain, the sea is noisy, the sky and the earth are so big, I can only see him, and he can only see me, we are not in the city, we are at the end of the world .That hand was by no means the first time we held each other, it was clearly familiar and unforgettable, and it was clearly a part of my own body.So it became clear to me that this was the person I was looking for.Some people say that everyone has his other half, and people have been looking for it since they entered the world, but no one can really find it.And how lucky I was to finally find him by the open sky and the wide sea; how unfortunate I was to meet him so late.We all have our own families!

The sea breeze came on the waves, and a huge sadness went through my whole body in an instant.The rain was getting heavier, and the moon was completely hidden behind the clouds.In my heart, there is only one sentence that goes back and forth: "It's late, we met too late." I let go of his hand and walked quickly to the shallow water, hoping to calm myself down by the cold sea water.But the sea, which has been exposed to the sun for several days, is still gentle even at night. It whispers softly, comforts, and tells a story that lasts forever.Many, many years ago, when there were no men or women in the world, there was already him and me. Maybe we are just two winds, maybe we are just a pair of birds, but we used to be with each other and walked a long way Thousands of years.But in this century, we are finally separated.This mistake, even if I spend my whole life, it can no longer be made up for.

On this rainy night at the beach, I shed tears without emotion. The next day, I had a high fever.Zhong Yi went to the exhibition center by himself, and he would call me every two hours, but there was always only one sentence: "Is it better?" I always answered: "I'm fine." Another day later, he returned to Beijing.The boat at 5 o'clock in the afternoon arrives at Tanggu first. I insisted on seeing him off and went to the harbor early to wait.I hope to find a good position where I can clearly see him entering the door, looking around, and anxious because of me.I greedily, wish I could see him one more time without fear. However, as soon as his figure appeared at the door, I had already forgotten everything, rushed over, and plunged into his arms recklessly.I raised my head and looked at him steadfastly. Once he left, he would go back to his family and resume his role as father and husband. In Beijing, he would no longer belong to me.But at this moment, his always serious eyes are so emotional, so gentle, so sad, how can I forget. The bell urging passengers to check in the ticket rang, and he suddenly remembered something, took out the pager from his pocket, put it in my hand, and said softly, "I'm leaving." I looked at him, staring at him blankly, as if I couldn't understand what he was saying.After a while, I put my hand next to my ear and said with a choked voice, "Please call 5229 and ask him to remember the beaches of Dalian." He paused for a while, and put his hand to his ear: "5229 resumed the machine, and said: I will never forget." Then, once again, he gave me a deep, deep look, then turned and walked towards the ticket gate.I looked at his back, tall and thin, wearing light blue casual clothes, with a camera bag on his left shoulder and a suitcase in his right hand.Just like that, step by step, farther and farther away from me.At that moment, my heart suddenly turned into ashes, no, it turned into smoke, and when the wind blew, it disappeared without a trace, empty, without any weight or strength. I no longer belong to myself, my whole spirit is floating, so Yiyi followed him staggeringly. It seems that there is a wind blowing head-on, carrying the fishy and salty sea. He went by boat, and I accompanied him to feel the sea.It's just that he can't see me, and I can't see him. I cried. Tears came down, they were salty, I thought I was in the sea again. Zhong Yi, remember me! For a few days after that, I was drowsy. In my dream, I always felt that the bed was shaking gently.No, it's not a bed, it's a boat. I still follow him and float across the sea together. However, it is time for Zhong Yi to return to Beijing, right?He has landed, but I am still in the sea.It's not fair. I started paging him, over and over. "Zhong Yi, please remember me." "Zhong Yi, it's windy at sea, remember to add clothes." "Zhong Yi, is the weather in Beijing very hot? Why don't you go back to Dalian." Zhongyi, Zhongyi, Zhongyi... It seems that all I know about language is these two words.I became silent, afraid to say the name Zhong Yi as soon as I opened my mouth. Then, one day I paged him like this: "Zhong Yi, I am waiting for your call every second." And clearly reported the number. The pager beeped, I read it carefully, and started to dial——dial my own home phone number. Again and again, it's a busy tone.I laughed, it's not that Zhong Yi didn't return the phone, it's just that the phone was busy. Tears fell down again, and my heart was so sad that I couldn't bear a little weight. Why, why can't he return my call? On the thirteenth day, I finally couldn't take it anymore and dialed his home phone number.As soon as it rang, I hung up again as if my hands were hot.I dare not, I dare not imagine how embarrassing I would be if his wife, Xiao Lin, came to answer the phone; or if Xiao Lin was beside me, and he hesitated and hawed at me, how would I deal with myself; even if he was the only one at home, What can I say?What do I want him to answer me? While thinking wildly, the phone rang suddenly.I was taken aback. Could it be, could it be that Zhong Yi finally called because of a good understanding?What will he say to me?Tell all lovesickness?No, no, impossible, he is not that kind of person, we are not qualified to say those things to each other; maybe he just thanked me and exchanged a few pleasantries, but why be so worldly?I'd rather each other still be silent.Sometimes, the unspoken words are more sincere and more precious. The phone rang one after another, but I didn't pick it up after all.If you don't answer the phone, you can imagine to your heart's content. The imagination is Zhongyi's call, and imagine what he can say to me.Well, at least I still have a dream.After answering the phone, there is nothing. On this day, the phone at home rang many times, but I didn't answer it once.But at night, my mother answered a phone call for me, and it was my husband.I took it over and called out "husband" softly, feeling mixed feelings in my heart.But he didn't have any intentions, and kept croaking as usual: "Hey, I invited guests to drink coffee today, and I met Zhong Yi at 'Ming Dian', and the three of them are having a romantic relationship. Zhong Yi said, You have had a very pleasant cooperation this time, and thank you for taking care of him in Dalian. My wife, you have been back to your mother’s house for too long this time, right? When will you come back? Without you, the coffee at 'Mingdian' has gone stale." He was joking and talking, but my heart seemed to return to the sea, going up and down for a while, being tossed back and forth by the waves. Zhong Yi, he said that he was very grateful for my care.I know this is just a small talk, a required courtesy.But my heart still hurts, and I am sober. Back in Beijing, we will still meet often, and we will still cooperate again.Maybe we will have the same tacit understanding as before, maybe, we will feel unnatural and gradually alienated.However, it is absolutely impossible to continue the development of Dalian's story.The walk by the sea, the basket full of roses, the gentle phone call, the heart-to-heart holding hands, all the romance will only become a memory, which will be lost with time and sophistication.Meeting will only be stranger and more distant than not meeting. I just can't imagine the pleasantries we'll have when we reunite with Zhong Yi, but at the same time I know I'm going to do just fine as if nothing happened.In fact, nothing seemed to have happened at all.Even I doubt whether all the tenderness and romance come from my own fantasy. In the real world, he has his wife and I have my home.In the future, as Kobayashi said, I will add a child, and then I will live my life normally.Our family of three is just like the favorite family of three. In the eyes of others, we are not a happy family.Maybe what we marry is often not the one we love the most or the most suitable person, but after doing all kinds of homework, we will always get a little bit of happiness.In fact, maybe everyone has an unknown heartfelt love, but every happy family seems to be the same version.What they have is nothing but the crumbs of happiness. "Hello, hello?" My husband called me on the other end of the phone, "Why don't you talk?" "Husband." I calmed down and said softly, "Let's have a baby."