Chapter 36 Chapter Thirty-Six

I am a dancer. I am obsessed with being the only one under the shadow lamp on the stage. Just for not being able to see the light in life. I have been the lover of the head of the group, Cannes, for three years, and I can't see the future. But although Cannes cannot let me be the housewife in his family, he can let me be the protagonist of his works.In the row, I am the noble concubine; in "Guanghan Palace", I will be Chang'e; Yuji is my favorite character. She wasn't the Bawang's only one, she wasn't even the Bawang's wife, but just because Yu Ji died for the Bawang, she became his favorite.

And I, I hope I can be the concubine of Cannes. Dancing with all my heart, my whole life and desire are attached to it, and I performed Yu Ji vividly. Cannes was the first to applaud me, but there were very few people who responded. Today, dancing has become popular, and what people like is rock and thunder, and classical ballet is just a shelved spring snow. Loneliness makes the dancer more noble. Thanks to Mr. Leslie Cheung for setting off a climax, people love houses and black people, and all Beijing opera, Yue opera, Henan opera, and dance opera are very popular. I finally heard the long-lost applause.

Cannes was very excited, and made a decision to arrange "Farewell My Concubine" while the iron was hot, and held a week-long meeting to come up with the outline of the play: Yu Ji attempted suicide and fell into the hands of Han soldiers. After recovering from her injuries, she returned to Liu Bang ; while the Overlord broke through the siege and crossed the river alone, and made a comeback many years later.The two reunited after a long absence. They were lucky to survive the catastrophe. They pushed a cup and drank, and parted happily. I can't accept the role of new concubine Yu anyway, the plot is full of selfishness, caressing, wretched joy and pride, without any sincerity, everyone only cares about me, calculating the little bit of what they get, blindly I am secretly happy, I can't accept that I have exhausted all my organs, followed others, cared for myself in time, and muddled through.

Cannes made a generous speech, trying to convince me: "Now is no longer the era of Farewell My Concubine, and no one respects serious art anymore. Even Britain is making a big ballet innovation, adding hot and sensational scenes. Recently, the "Park in the Park" staged in London "The Skylark" has already been performed in the open air in the park. Also, the large-scale opera "Qu Yuan", which was previously promoted by newspapers, was aborted because it was too elegant and could not raise funds. If we still want to cling to the tradition and play with style, then But the first thing to consider is whether you can have a full stomach.”

I still refuse to act.In fact, I couldn't help but quit the stage - after a short stalemate, I found out that I was pregnant. The child is from Cannes, he asked me: "What are you going to do?" I stared at him for a long time, then nodded heavily: "I want to give birth to him for you, to give you a son." It must be the son, I believe.Cannes has only one daughter. He always wanted to have a son, but the policy does not allow it. Now, I want to make this dream come true for him. Or, with a baby, we'll be closer and our love more certain.There is no guarantee of marriage anymore, and it is good to have a child, our common child.

I took a long vacation from the regiment and came to my grandmother's house in the countryside to wait for delivery.I can't let people see my big belly.It's one thing for someone to guess, but quite another to be seen in person. There is no time in the mountains, and the year is unknown in the cold. It's only been 9 months, but I seem to have experienced a lifetime.Endless waiting, endless longing, endless pain and tears, there is no other in life. When Cannes came again, I was already in a state of embarrassment, and it was difficult for me to move. Once my two legs, which were used to exercise, stopped dancing, they would become swollen at the speed of sound, and a deep crater would be left if I pressed my fingers lightly.My face was covered with yellow spots, and I covered them with my hands, not wanting Cannes to see them.He gently brushed my hand away like a spring breeze blowing across the lake, and whispered in my ear: "A woman who decides to be a mother is the most beautiful." After a pause, he said: "You will always be beautiful in my eyes of."

I looked at him, and my heart was full of emotion, Cannes, I would like to live a thousand times and die a thousand times for you, if possible, Cannes, let me love you for seven lives. Cannes had already contacted the hospital for me. We were on the road the next morning. Like any trivial little woman, I chattered with him about the details of childbirth. This was the closest I got to the role of a wife. No matter what, I would never believe that the car accident would happen suddenly without warning.It seemed that there was a car behind trying to overtake, so the driver of the bus turned the steering wheel to the side. For no reason at all, the bus suddenly lost control, rushed down the slope, turned somersaults and finally stopped in the ditch.

All of this was recalled slowly later or recounted by other passengers. I don’t know how to drive at all. All I know is that my child died because of the car accident. Listening to the doctors and nurses surrounding me and saying, "It's a blessing in misfortune, you finally woke up." But I just didn't know how to deal with it.They don't know, I'd rather be the one who dies, as long as the child can be saved, the child of Cannes. The doctor told me that the formed child was taken out by caesarean section and it was a boy. I wailed, clutching my collar and crying so hard that I almost wanted to vomit my heart out.Cannes hugged me tightly and said repeatedly: "Don't be sad, don't be sad, we are still young, and we will have children again."

However, a person has had the same dream every day for nearly 10 months. Seeing that the dream is getting clearer day by day, the dream is about to come true. However, one morning after 300 days, he suddenly wakes up and finds that everything is still just a dream. And it was a nightmare—what an embarrassing kind of despair and loss! My world suddenly went blank. For a long time, I stopped laughing, my heart died the moment the child left my body. I finally died for Cannes once. Cannes arranged for me to go to the south to recuperate and relax. I flew back to the troupe first. I heard that "Farewell My Concubine" has been staged, but I have no power to argue with him whether the plot is reasonable or not.

Two months later, when I returned to my hometown, I read the news about Cannes in the evening paper before I got off the train—he and the actress of "Farewell My Concubine" both appeared at the press conference, and they seemed very intimate.The newspaper revealed that the two have been dating recently, Cannes seems to intend to divorce and marry the actress, but when interviewing Cannes, he did not comment, only replied "no comment". Is it hype?Or is Cannes acting on every occasion?I smiled wryly, even if he was chasing after the wind, as for the person in Cannes, there would always be some shadows for others to catch, right?What is true to him?What is a play?To me, why isn't he just a play on the spot?But I know that Cannes will not get divorced, that actress is just a second me.Strange, I don't hate her, if not her, it will be someone else, she is my afterplay, who is my foreplay?

After getting off the train, in a daze, I went straight to the theater. I wanted to see how the actress, the new Concubine Yu, the new favorite of Cannes played her role? The theater was crowded with people and the grand occasion was unprecedented. The absurd plot, the ambiguous dance, and the redefined love and loyalty made the audience sincerely recognize and draw them into the same category. However, they love the new and never tire of the old to warm up their dreams. When they embraced and danced drunk, the audience was full of enthusiasm and thunderous applause. This is a grand occasion never seen before in the performance of the dance troupe, and Cannes has succeeded. My heart is deeply lonely. Turns out he was right.Now is really no longer the era of Farewell My Concubine, no bully needs Concubine Yu to die for him, because no one asks for everlasting and eternal love. And one day, I actually thought that I had been with Kangcheng through life and death, and our love would last forever. Cannes, dancing, children, it turns out, they are all just drama! At this moment, I finally understand that even if I die for him a thousand times, the Overlord has a thousand concubines, and I am still not his only one. Concubine Yu no longer...