Chapter 3 PART Gardenia

Deep and shallow smile. Beautiful your hair. You always turn around like this. Such a gorgeous farewell to me. Relying on some fragmentary memories that are barely pieced together, piece by piece, or piece by piece, slowly but still rhythmically piled up in my mind. All kinds of shapes, all kinds of colors. Sometimes in such doubts, the purpose of my coming to this empty and confused world is to meet you. In the early morning mist in the city center, occasionally young couples wearing NIKE sports T-shirts will lead their precious golden retriever Labrador for a walk under the dimming street lights.

The sky was blue, with the warmth of the sun peeking through the clouds. Hot summer. So in the morning, so in the evening, and so in the evening. There will always be a beautiful world like a crayon drawing in memory. Clear, bright, bright. Keywords: growth, piano, English competition. This is a heart that exhausts all its strength and refuses to grow up. Tiny windows. Sometimes I can't see the outside scene, and the light will always come from my heart faintly.Pink lace curtains, all kinds of dresses and puppets, beautiful and beautiful shoes of different styles, and go to the beauty salon every week to have their hair done.

This is such a world, pure and bright like a fairy tale. Living in the colorful bubbles around her is like living in a glass castle that was deliberately created, away from all the filth and cruelty behind her, just living in her share under the wings of many In a world that is so pure that there is no trace of dirt. The white flowers raised in the greenhouse live like pure white beauty from hair tips to toes. Dazzling like a star, so simple that it is almost pale. What Zhiwei has is such a world. Only the windows are small. Regarding Zhiwei, anyone who has ever known her, seen her or heard of her will know that she is a dazzling existence.

At the same time, she is so pure and white that people feel that she is so ordinary. She has a warm and beautiful family. Her father, Zhi Jingcheng, is a highly respected university professor. Her mother Li Suzhen is a beautiful and gentle senior screenwriter. She has had an excellent education since Kindergarten at a so-called private school. She entered the piano training class under the great expectation of her mother since she was a child, and she has a tenth grade in the piano. She was late for the exam for an hour and a half because of a cold, but in the end she still won the first prize in the city's English competition.

Like a princess, she grew up happily and naively in many cares and loves. She doesn't know what "deception" is, she doesn't know what "lie" is, she doesn't know what "betrayal" is, and she doesn't know what "despair" is. These words have never appeared in Zhiwei's dictionary. Because, for Zhiwei, this world is full of beauty, without any bit of pain and sorrow. Such an existence is excessively protected. Isn't that also a distortion? I remember when Zhiwei was young, when she asked her parents why she never saw her grandma again, she would always be told euphemistically——

Grandma, she went to a far, far away place. ——How far away is it? ——Very, very far away, so far away that you can never see it again, so far away that you can never find it again. ——When will grandma come back? — will not come back. ——Why don't you come back? ——Because grandma is dead. Yes, this kind of dialogue exists in Zhiwei's memory. Zhiwei always has to turn several corners in a tactful situation before finally knowing that "grandma is dead". It turns out that going to a "very far, far away place" means "death". And, from the beginning of kindergarten, Zhiwei was constantly urged by her mother:

—— Weiwei, you can't play with the boys in the kindergarten. --why? ——Because they are boys, and you are a girl. Boys, girls...does it matter? Although Zhiwei didn't quite understand why her mother smiled so ambiguously, and it was even a little embarrassing, so she would never understand what her mother wanted to say to her. —Boys, and girls. I remember one time, Zhiwei, who was in the sixth grade of elementary school, sat on the sofa with her father and watched TV programs together.A scene of affection between a man and a woman suddenly appeared on the TV. In fact, Zhiwei didn't pay much attention to it, but her mother suddenly picked up the remote control from the sofa and quickly turned off the TV, and angrily blamed the person who was reading the newspaper on the sofa. Father:

"What the hell did you do, Weiwei is here, looking at these messy things!" It's a mess, it turns out that those things are a mess. For some unknown reason, Zhiwei felt that her mother's words were like tiny worms that had penetrated into her heart, densely stabbed, as if she had sensed something, so she blushed He lowered his head and felt like sitting on pins and needles on the sofa. ——I don’t want to grow up. Suddenly feel terrible.Something is changing ferociously.Inch by inch eroding somewhere, in this world. Zhiwei begged in her heart. But, no matter how you beg, struggle, or whine, the world will not sympathize or pity you.

As a result, there will always be something that changes forever, blurring clear vision. For example, in the first grade of junior high school, fourteen-year-old Zhiwei finally had her period. When she was in the bathroom, she suddenly found that her skirt was dyed a shocking bright red. She was so frightened that she didn't know what to do. She just yelled suddenly and squatted on the ground, shaking all over. She panicked and thought that she was going to die. When the mother and father heard the yelling and rushed over together, the mother just smiled knowingly when she saw Zhiwei's red-dyed skirt, and then threw the father out of the bathroom, "Go out, what are you doing with your daughter's house?" .”

Then, she came over and said to Zhiwei with a smile, "—— Weiwei, be good, what are you afraid of, this is a good thing! It means you have grown up." "grow up?" "Hehe, yes, you have grown up now, you are no longer a little girl! You will soon become a 'woman'!" — No longer a boy. — No longer a girl. — but a man. — but a woman. Zhiwei suddenly felt her eyes sour for no reason. From the moment she opened her eyes from her mother's womb, Zhiwei was like a "nucleus" surrounded by everyone around her. Layer upon layer, layer upon layer, to prevent any harmful substances from invading, it is so fragile that it cannot withstand the slightest damage.

In the room, there was the photo on the desk. In it, a handsome young man and a beautiful and gentle mother were carefully embracing Zhiwei in kindergarten, and the three of them smiled warmly. The curtains were drawn in the room, and there was no light in the dark, and even the small windows were tightly closed without any gaps. Even the tiny windows. Zhiwei clutched the quilt and lay heavily on her side on the bed, when she heard the sound of the door of the room being opened and the faint light breaking in, she hurriedly closed her eyes uneasily. "Are you asleep?" Dad asked at the door. Zhiwei didn't answer, but felt that the nerves in her whole body were tense, as if they might break at any moment. The father just smiled, stood at the door of the room for a while, and said, "Weiwei, put on the quilt, don't catch a cold...it's nothing, girls come here like this, go to sleep..." —Crack. The room returned to its original darkness again. She opened her eyes and put her hands next to the pillow. She listened to the noisy TV in the living room and the conversation between her father and mother. Quietly, she remembered that when she was young, she still When I was in kindergarten. It's probably Children's Day. The children in the class participated in the performance collectively, performing the dance "Twinkle Twinkle Sparkle". The teacher put a red dot on each child's forehead with lipstick, and all the children were wearing white clothes. Clothes, white pants, white dancing shoes, and a "star" hat made by the parents on the head. When the performance ended, the father excitedly ran to the stage and picked up the little Zhiwei, while the mother kept taking pictures with the camera on the stage. White flashes wandered in sight. Just like that, Zhiwei was hugged by her father and smiled happily, carefree. ——It is such a memory. In the dark, Zhiwei recalled that when she was young, her father would tell herself stories every night, all kinds of stories, even if her father had already told her eyelids to fight, as long as Zhiwei was still energetic and did not want to fall asleep, her father would continue to tell her stories. His precious daughter went on. Telling those beautiful fairy tales, beautiful stories, without any troubles and without any sad stories. But-- But why is she grown up now? She is no longer the little girl who can act like a baby in her father's arms, she has gradually become a "woman". As if everything was over in an instant, I suddenly felt disgusted. Zhiwei was in the dark, thinking of this, shed tears suddenly. Line by line, it flowed into the neck along the arc of the cheek, illuminating the dark night. Some people are born full of fantasies about everything around them, just like Zhiwei. If she is fixed, she must feel lonely, she must feel scared, she must feel uneasy. Therefore, she hopes to believe in all the beauty she believes in in the world. Be it friendship or love. The ears moved to listen, the eyes blinked to see, and the mouth kissed one by one. The devout ones follow, and the ones they believe in are various devout ones. She wants to be the fox in the fairy tale waiting to be tamed by the little prince. Therefore, Zhiwei, who had gradually forgotten that she had grown up, realized her reason again when she saw the high school admission list posted on the school bulletin board at the end of the high school entrance examination. public school. This is the first time Zhiwei claims to have entered a "non-excellent private school", as if declaring that she is resisting growing up. What made Zhiwei feel miraculous was that her parents agreed so straightforwardly. Oh thank goodness. Everything is moving slowly and quickly. It's like the connection between the front and aftertaste of a perfume. Indispensable. Looking back now, it was the day before school started. In fact, it was because Zhiwei took a nap too much, her father was going to give lectures at the university, and her mother had to go to the editorial department to sort out materials, so Zhiwei had to go to the new school alone with the notice to sign up. This is Zhiwei's first time going to a strange school without the company of her father and mother. An inexplicable feeling suddenly appeared in her heart, such as freedom, or a slight fear. Summer is really hot, and even the wind is full of tiredness.It was probably because the notice said "Registration time for freshmen from 8:00 am to 10:30 am", so the hall of the entire teaching building was empty, and Zhiwei didn't even see the management staff cleaning the stairs. This strange place was empty, it seemed that she was the only one there, which made Zhiwei shrink back more or less.No, you must be brave.Zhiwei cheered herself up secretly. It was dusk, and the corridors of the teaching building were dyed orange one by one by the flowing clouds after the sixteenth hour of the day. Half bright, half dark. Zhiwei tightly held the white A4-sized notice in her hand, bit her lower lip, and then walked step by step in the long, seemingly endless corridor. "Know--" "Know--" Outside the open glass windows, there was the tinny chirping of cicadas. The wind blows the leaves and rustles, one sound, one sound. Rustling, rustling.Echoing in the empty and narrow corridor, shrouded in the setting sun, the road under the feet seems to be enchanted, quietly extending far, far away. ——If it's the end of the world. Zhiwei looked at the sky outside the window, covered with gorgeous rays of light, the lightest layer of color was only pale.She looked at the distant place there, and a warm and beautiful smile was gently drawn from the corner of her mouth. Well, this world always has a happy and brilliant color, she couldn't help thinking like this. The wind clearly blew the open glass window, making a thick and distinct sound, and the light of the setting sun refracted dazzling light spots on the transparent glass. Zhiwei couldn't help raising her right hand to cover her eyes, so the wind passed by, The notice that was clasped between the fingertips of his right hand was blown away with a clatter. Zhiwei suddenly exclaimed softly. Floating and flying above the empty head, with white desolation spreading in the light of the setting sun, Zhiwei urgently reached out her hand to get the notice back, she stood on tiptoe, but still couldn't catch up, in the end, that A thin notice fell into the sewer near the corner of the corridor in the wind. Oops! God testifies: Zhiwei really has the urge to cry now. She ran over quickly, without thinking about opening the cover of the sewer to take the notice, but it turned out that it was impossible with her strength. I saw her notice floating on top of the muddy sewage, almost completely soaked. ——Without the notice, you cannot prove that you have been admitted to high school, and you cannot study in this school. Zhiwei's vision began to blur, she felt her throat was constricted and unable to utter a sound, she just felt so scared, worried and anxious, but she couldn't think of any way at all. In the past, whenever she encountered a problem that she couldn't solve, her father and mother would definitely appear by her side.But in fact, some questions cannot be answered by relying on dependence.The setting sun blurred the outline in front of her eyes, and Zhiwei's expression was shattered by sadness and helplessness. ——what should she do? "What are you, my classmate, what are you doing?" A strange voice sounded overhead.Zhiwei turned her head, and a boy stood in front of her, with a distance of about half a meter, leaning over and looking at her with great interest. "Talk! What are you thinking? Looking for gold?" He frowned and muttered in a low voice. The boy under the setting sun is a completely unfamiliar face, with dyed yellow hair bouncing in pieces in the light spots, smooth white fingers in the pockets of black uniform pants, and narrow eyes.High nose bridge.A dazzling crystal lip stud shines on the delicate lips. Zhiwei looked at the boy standing in front of her, and then at the two companions behind him. They also had beautiful and delicate faces. Zhiwei's expression began to be a little confused, her fingers were slightly clenched, and her heart speeded up inexplicably. The sound is very small, so small that you can hardly hear it yourself: "—my admission letter... fell into the sewer." Then he heard it anyway. "Oh!" The boy clapped his hands suddenly, "So what?" Zhiwei grasped the hem of the skirt, raised her head and stared at the boy in aggrieved manner, her vision suddenly became blurred and could not return to the original calm: "...I can't open the lid, I can't take it out." "Hey, I said why are you crying, hey... what's there to cry about..." The boy felt a little troubled and let out a breath towards the sky. The setting sun shone on his dazzling white skin, and then It was his black shadow swaying in front of his eyes, and two violent sounds of "bang—bang—" came from his ears. Zhiwei slowly raised her head, looked at the smashed sewer cover that had been thrown aside, and then a piece of white A4 paper that was almost half wet appeared in her field of vision. "—Then, here it is." Zhiwei looked at the boy in front of her, at the admission notice he handed her, at the trousers feet soaked in sewage, at the lip stud on his delicate lips that was beating with dazzling light. "—don't lose it again." The hot liquid piled up more and more in Zhiwei's eye sockets, as if a long-lost emotion stimulated a certain corner of her heart. "I...you, your name is... Excuse me..." In her haste, she even forgot to say "thank you", and just muttered incoherently. "No, I'm just in a good mood today." As if understanding the meaning of Zhiwei's words, the boy just shrugged his shoulders, stroked his fine hair, brushed past Zhiwei's side, and walked quickly towards his companions. The setting sun came through the corridor windows. In the faint spot of light, one of the male companions subconsciously turned his head before leaving, his slender and thin figure paused slightly, his black hair flowing softly in the light of the setting sun, he thoughtfully Glancing at Zhiwei who was still standing there, she pursed her lips. Until the boy's voice sounded loudly in front: "Sang Ran, let's go!" "...Well, here we come." Maybe everyone will feel a sense of déjà vu when they meet each other, but I am worried that in a world full of people, I am not confident that I will recognize you at a glance. So gray, so low, so heavy sky. There is no sound anymore. Everything no longer has direction. In this world, even if you can remember all the good things that happened, it will not change any facts and scars that are withering. It turns out that memories really don't have any power. When they disappeared from Zhiwei's sight, the clouds above the head flowed past the window, and the fragrance of the wind bloomed in the setting sun. Zhiwei bent slightly and picked up a student left on the ground. Card. Next to the photo was written three rigid black characters - Lu Chuanzi. It turned out that his name was Lu Chuanzi... Zhiwei's lips couldn't help showing a blush smile. However, behind her, darkness instantly engulfed the world. Some feelings, some fantasies, some things that I can't even perceive. Because everything has started to change slowly. It was very late when I got home, and the night was dark, Zhiwei was sitting at the desk, and the admission notice was lying on the side, which seemed to have dried.The dim light of the desk lamp shone on the student card lightly pinched in his right hand. There was a one-inch photo with a rigid smile on the student card, and the light seemed not adjusted very well, so she held it up in the air until she saw the three words "Lu Chuanzi" on it, and the corners of Zhiwei's mouth suddenly turned involuntarily. Lifting up, a beautiful and warm smile emerges brilliantly. ——Lu Chuanzi. In fact, this name is quite strange, and it doesn't sound very good. However, just thinking about it like that, she still laughed foolishly, until she heard the sound of her mother opening the door, Zhiwei hurriedly put the student card into the drawer on the first floor. "Weiwei, haven't you slept yet? I'm sorry, mom is too busy today, and I want you to report to the new school alone. Is everything going well?" Mother came over and asked. "Well...it's all good, Mom, actually I'm fine by myself." Zhiwei responded with a smile, she tried her best to reassure her mother. After a whole day's work, the mother's beautiful face seemed a little tired, she stroked Zhiwei's soft hair quietly, and said: "That's good, you should go to bed early, tomorrow is when you enter high school On the first day, you are already this big, so mom and dad won't send you off, it's great, our Weiwei has finally grown up and become sensible..." --grow up. --sensible. Zhiwei forced herself to smile, nodded without saying anything. Well, actually thinking about it now. Did we predict the ending when we started? The morning mist is diffused in the faint sunlight. The air is very clear and very warm. Put on the high school uniform, white shirt black plaid skirt and red tie. The mirror surface as smooth as water reflects the holiness like moonlight, the skin is so fair as to be transparent, a clear and warm smile hangs on the corner of the mouth, and beautiful dimples quietly bloom on both sides of the lip line.Zhiwei stood in front of the big mirror in the living room and watched her changes carefully. The hem of her mother's neatly arranged uniform skirt fluttered up, so she bent her beautiful eyes and smiled obediently. Represents beautifully in the mirror. "I'm leaving!--" She walked out of the house with her schoolbag in her hand, and occasionally caught glimpses of office workers or silhouettes of people of the same age on the street, in a hurry. Zhiwei walked to the stop sign, it was empty and there was no sign of the bus coming. From now on... I will take this bus to the new school every day.Zhiwei thought so, and nodded slightly. Zhiwei felt some delicate pain near the eyeballs, which was sour and astringent, and she used her eyes too much.Probably last night because of the student card, he had insomnia for too long, so he leaned against the pillar next to the stop sign and dozed off, as if he really fell asleep for a while, so that he didn't even lean forward aware. "flute--" Finally, when the bus roared and accelerated towards this side, her body gradually stepped out of the yellow warning line, until her schoolbag strap was pulled over by someone beside her. "Hey, be careful." After Zhiwei tilted violently, she felt her body approaching someone, and looked up to see the girl standing beside her.How should I describe this beautiful face, it is expressionless and even indifferent. In fact, Zhiwei couldn't find any words to describe her appearance at all, because the focal length was too close, so the pupils were full of every delicate look and breath of this girl. ——Perfect as jade. "Thank you." "Well, no, it's nothing." The girl just replied indifferently, without extra expression. Zhiwei secretly raised her eyes to look at the name tag on her chest, on which were the three characters of Su Banxia. Does it mean half summer? Zhiwei smiled slightly, then quietly wrote down that name, and kept it in the deepest place in her heart. Pinellia, Su Banxia. Think about it seriously. Really never forget what happened that day. In the summer when I was seventeen. I met you. Who did you meet. What kind of dialogue will there be. who met you. What kind of helplessness will there be. When did we meet each other, when will we meet the person we should meet. Like, I met you. Encountered the most beautiful and prosperous accident. ——I think I will continue to love this world. I always remember your voice, your smile, your temperature, and your breath in my dreams. Perhaps, this world is like this. Every day, we meet many people, streets, roads, supermarkets, and bus stops.Keep meeting, keep meeting, strange or familiar faces, beautiful or bleak eyes. only. There are so many, so many people in this world. In this sea of ​​countless people, which one do you want to meet? And the one you met, is it the one you want to meet?