Chapter 21 Chapter 21 Zhu Yu Extra Story

I walked slowly towards the depths of the woods looking for the sound of the piano, and I found him in a small pavilion hidden by many trees. I held the jingle jade pendant around my waist, lifted the hem of the lake-green skirt, and tiptoed quietly to his side. He was so focused on playing the piano with his head down, I didn't even know that I was behind him, I bit my lip, came up with a ghost idea, stretched out my hands, and gently covered his eyes. The song "Phoenix Seeking the Phoenix" came to an abrupt end. "Yeah, yeh..." He called me softly. I let go of my hand in surprise, came to him, and asked, "How do you know it's me?"

He tapped my forehead and said lightly, "Who else is there but you?" Thinking about it is also oh, I bowed my head and smiled embarrassedly, and hit the head with my hand to relieve the embarrassment. He grabbed my hand and hurriedly said, "Stop hitting me, it will be even more stupid if I hit it again." I rolled his eyes at him, and looked at him with unconvinced eyes, "Can I show you something?" He looked at me intentionally in surprise. I pushed him away, sat firmly in front of the piano, took off a few gold and jade bracelets on my wrists and put them aside, raised my arms in the most elegant posture, and started to play.

It's "Phoenix Court", my favorite piece, the only piece I can play well. We met and fell in love because of this piece, and I only play it for him. The song is over, but the aftertaste of this song has been touching my heartstrings, making me sentimental, and I looked up at him emotionally.He approached me, pulled me into his arms, and looked down for my lips. That summer was so dazzling, the choking fragrance of flowers around me even made me a little dizzy, I could only hug him tightly, and murmured his name, "Zhuan Ming, Zhuan Ming..." Entering the palace to be a queen is not what I want.

When I was playing with dolls, my father told me with a serious expression that I would be chosen as Queen Dayin. At that time, I didn't understand the glory of being a queen, let alone the hardship and helplessness involved. My first reaction was the anxiety of being separated from my father. I said to my father, "Daddy, my daughter doesn't want to be a queen, let alone be separated from you." Unexpectedly, Dad shook his head helplessly, and said: "This matter can no longer be turned back. The Empress Dowager wants you. I'm afraid the Empress Dowager wants to use Dad more, so she flatters our family. Otherwise, she doesn't know how to flatter her."

Compared with my confusion and sadness, the servants around me seemed to be very excited about this, and they chirped for several days saying that they never thought that I would be able to live in the palace in the future. "Is it good to enter the palace?" I asked them. "Miss, don't you want to enter the palace?" the maidservants said very puzzled. "No, but I want to be with daddy more." I said sadly. "Miss Silly, sooner or later, a girl like you will leave the master to marry. Now you are marrying the king of a country. What an honor. In the future, you will have everything you need in the palace."

I was a little happier when I heard what they said, but I still said uneasy: "But I don't know what the emperor looks like yet? Can he play with me?" At this moment, the maidservants looked at each other with wry smiles. A month later, the welcoming team arrived, and I was about to leave the mansion where I lived for more than ten years, and my father, who I depended on for life, and I couldn't stop crying. I tugged at Dad's sleeve robe, unwilling to let go no matter what.Daddy's eyes were already red, he lowered his head and said, "I'm sorry, Daddy..."

I cried more and more, and everyone around me panicked, and hurriedly persuaded: "Empress, please don't cry...don't cry." In the end, even my father persuaded me with some panic, "My dear, Don't cry." At that time, it seemed that my crying was a big sin. I thought I was going to leave home and go to that strange place. Could it be that I couldn’t even cry? Later, after living in the palace, I realized that people in the palace have no right to cry. If there is any emotion that can be shown, it is to laugh, and only to laugh.Even just a smile will bring disaster, the best is to be like the empress dowager, cold and numb, expressionless.

The wedding of the emperor and the empress is naturally extremely grand and grand. Although I have been training at home for more than two months, I was still exhausted when the set of etiquette was completed.Then I was led to Fengyi Palace, where I was told that this is where the empress lives in the harem. In fact, entering the palace on the first day was more of a novel feeling. I looked at all kinds of people in the palace, touched left and right, and looked at them curiously.When I had enough fun, the feeling of homesickness began to surge up again, and I suddenly remembered the baggage I brought with me.

That bag is full of things that I cherish, and I want to bring more than that, but the attendants who welcomed me into the palace warned me that there is everything in the palace, and that I am not allowed to bring things outside the palace without permission. Later, I stuffed some benefits Only then was I able to come in with a burden, and many of the maids who had been serving me had to be separated from now on, only the nanny and two close servants followed me into the palace. Why hasn't the legendary emperor come yet... I was really bored, so I played with dolls to drive away my drowsiness.

At this time, I heard someone outside screaming: "The emperor is here--" That voice sounded weird, I have never heard such a sharp voice. I was wondering about the screams when I saw a man in red clothes like me walk in. I saw the dragon embroidered with gold thread on his clothes, and I thought he must be the emperor.I was a little nervous, and hurriedly bowed down to him according to the worship ritual taught by my aunt. "Get up." His tone was lukewarm. I stood up, I was a little embarrassed to get along with this stranger, but when I thought that this person was my husband, I still raised my head and smiled at him, a little flattering.

Unexpectedly, his expression changed, and he pointed to something next to me and asked, "What is that?" "Ah? This, this is what the concubine used to pass the time just now." He started to look me up and down, with a complicated look on his face, then laughed at himself, then turned and left without saying anything! Gong'e of Fengyi Palace was nervous, and asked in panic: "Your Majesty, Your Majesty, are you..." I was wearing a luxurious red embroidered phoenix wedding gown, with a heavy golden phoenix crown on my head, holding my doll and standing there stupidly. Did I do something wrong? Early the next morning, I don’t know why the nanny was called over by the empress dowager, so I had to sit in front of the dressing table and let a maid named Jing’er comb my hair. According to the rules, I would go to Eryu Palace to meet the empress dowager soon. At this time, the nanny finally came back, and a few strangers from the palace followed, with serious expressions on their faces. I only heard a leading palace man salute me and said: "The servants are following the order of the empress dowager, please don't blame the empress." Then they rummaged in the room regardless. I was frightened by this sudden incident, and looked at them stupidly, not knowing what they were going to do. Soon, they found a few dolls from the table and the luggage I brought with me, and said to me: "Empress, these dolls and slaves will be taken away first." I finally came to my senses and quickly grabbed them and said, "Don't go, why did you take me away, Ben Gong's doll?" They replied indifferently: "This is the Queen Mother's will, and the slaves are just following orders." I still wanted to argue, so the nanny pulled me aside and persuaded me: "Empress, forget it...you are not suitable for playing with these things anymore, let these girls take them away." Looking at the nanny's expression, I suddenly understood The nanny must have been scolded by the empress dowager just now. It all came so inexplicably, didn't it?First, the emperor's nameless indifference, and then the empress dowager took my doll away inexplicably, with such a domineering attitude. The tears couldn't stop streaming down, and the nanny advised me in fear: "Miss, I can't cry, I can't cry, what should I do if I let the empress dowager know?" "Why did the Empress Dowager take my doll away?" The nanny sighed and said, "The empress dowager was very annoyed when she heard that you played with dolls on your wedding night." "What's so strange about it? Don't girls of this age play this?" "But you are a queen, not an ordinary girl. Now that you are in the palace, you must abide by the rules in the palace. Miss, have you forgotten what the lord told you?" I shook my head vigorously, "I don't want to be a queen anymore, I want to go home and be with my father... Nanny, go out and prepare the sedan chair, I don't want to stay here anymore." The nanny sighed helplessly, "Miss, why don't you understand? You are already a queen, how could you just leave? This palace is where you will stay for the rest of your life. Miss, if you have been so willful, you will Those who implicate adults..." When I mentioned Dad, my heart tightened, and I gradually stopped crying, but I couldn't help sobbing. "Miss, you are going to visit the empress dowager in a while. You must not cry, let alone show any dissatisfaction with what happened just now. Did you hear me? Remember, ten thousand, ten thousand, the life of a servant is not a pity. For the sake of your lord, you can't make any mistakes." The nanny told me again and again nervously. The nanny's words made me a little scared, and I felt that the empress dowager was an extremely strict person, and that was my first impression of the empress dowager. In the past few years in the palace, the person I had the most contact with was not my husband, the emperor, but the empress dowager, the hostess of the harem. Although she is very beautiful, even though she is really the number one lady of Dayin as rumored outside, but I still dare not get close to her.There is no emotion in her expression, and her manner is always so elegant, but I think she is boring and pathetic. One day, she asked me if I knew how to play the zither, and she seemed a little surprised when I said no.Isn't it a shame to not be able to play the piano? They can play the piano and compose Fu, but it doesn't mean they have noble sentiments. On the contrary, how indifferent and mean they are. The empress dowager later asked her life-wife to teach me how to play an instrument, but it was very difficult for me who had no foundation. I was extremely depressed during that time, and I began to miss my home and my father crazily. I played a piece in front of the Empress Dowager that day, and she frowned after listening to it, saying that Empress, you still need to work hard. I lowered my head, looked at my scarred hands, and listened to her instructions numbly. When I returned to Fengyi Palace that day, I cried again, feeling that the empress was really pitiful. After crying bitterly for a while, I wiped away my tears, took off the phoenix robe, and put on the clothes I brought from home.When I did this, I had the pleasure of rebelling against the Queen Mother and the so-called rules in the palace. I just slipped out of Fengyi Palace wearing this outfit, and no one recognized me as the queen.I picked a relatively remote place in the imperial garden, jumped and cheered, and saw the flowers I liked picking at will, thinking that it would be nice if no one was in charge. Suddenly I heard the sound of a piano. piano sound?I frowned, this annoying piano sound, the ubiquitous piano sound. I found the person who played the piano with a reprimanding attitude. I coughed heavily, and reprimanded me in the tone that my aunt in Eryu Palace taught me: "Who is this, so bold, disturbing the quietness of the palace, what a shame!" Don't know the rules!" The sound of the piano stopped suddenly, and the person playing the piano raised his head. I was stunned for a moment, I had never seen such a handsome young man, he was better looking than the emperor, better looking than many women, at least better looking than me... I was a little overwhelmed. The boy had a soft voice like gurgling water, "Why, did I disturb your peace, girl?" "Okay, of course. Besides, the rules in the palace say that you can't play music outside at will." "Oh, that's right—may I ask which palace the girl is from?" "I'm Feng..." I quickly changed my words again, "I'm from Eryu Palace." "No wonder," he said lightly, "That girl said no, of course she can't, I'll just go." From his words, I seem to hear some of his disdain and dissatisfaction with Er Yugong, and this is exactly what I feel, so I can't help feeling like-minded towards him, and it seems that he is not much older than me Aged, seems to be able to chat. "Don't go," I approached him, tapped the piano he was about to put away, thought for a while and found a topic and said, "Why do so many people like playing the piano? Isn't it hard work and boring?" "You can't play the piano?" Seeing me shaking his head, he said, "Well, the piano is born from the heart. People can express their depression, loneliness, longing and other emotions through the sound of the piano." It turns out that playing the piano has such benefits. "Then what did the sound of the piano you played just now express?" I asked. He looked very patient, "The song I played just now is called "Phoenix Seeking the Phoenix". It is a song that Sima Xiangru expresses his love for Zhuo Wenjun. Sima Xiangru played a song "Phoenix Seeking the Phoenix" in order to impress Wen Jun. "Wen Jun secretly peeped from the house, and he liked it very much. I'm afraid it's not appropriate (1)". Later, Zhuo Wenjun followed Sima Xiang Like elopement, it has become a good story." "Feng Qiuhuang, what a nice name. I didn't expect such a good story behind the song." I suddenly felt moved by this story, and begged him: "Then play "Feng Qiuhuang" for me again. "OK?" He couldn't hold me back, so he finally put down the piano and played it again for me. I listened carefully, thinking of the scene where Sima Xiangru played for Zhuo Wenjun at that time, I seemed to be able to feel the emotion enshrined in this melody.It turns out that the sound of the piano can be so beautiful... "Hey, what's wrong with you?" It took me a while to come back to my senses, and I said excitedly: "This piece is really nice! Can you teach me? I want to learn this piece, and I want to learn to play the piano for the first time!" Seeing that he seemed to be refusing, I showed a pleading look again.He sighed and said, "I can't guarantee anything, but sometimes I come here to play the piano, and if you happen to come here, you can come and learn." I cheered happily, jumping and jumping. "You little maid... you really don't seem to come from Eryu Palace at all." I froze for a moment, and then remembered that I lied to him as the maid of the Eryu Palace. I was a little guilty, but if he knew my real identity, he wouldn't teach me... I won't harm him, so it shouldn't be a problem. Bar. "Which palace are you from and what do you do?" "Me? I'm the...musician in the palace." After that, we often met at the kiosk where we met for the first time.It's not accurate to say that it's an appointment, because I don't always have the opportunity to change my clothes and sneak out of Fengyi Palace. Occasionally, I can meet him a few times, as if I was excited when I saw "sesame cakes falling from the sky". I have no foundation for playing the piano, so it is very difficult to learn, but he did not dislike me and taught me patiently.We have been together for a long time, and we chatted about other things besides playing the piano, because he seemed so easy-going compared to those always stern-faced palace people, so I told him a lot of interesting childhood stories, of course I would hide some of them Details of my identity would be revealed. The young man didn't talk much, but he would listen to me very carefully. It wasn't until I was tired of talking that I realized that I was just talking, so I lowered my head in embarrassment, which made him laugh out loud. . Before I knew it, I slipped out of the palace to see him more and more times. So when I met him, my mantra changed to "Hey, what a coincidence", and then I ran to him and sat down obediently. He smiled and began to bow his head and play the piano for me. Half a year passed such a carefree life... Think about it What a joy it was then. I was thinking about how to go out that day, when the eunuch outside announced: "The emperor is here." Then I remembered that the emperor would come here every month at this time, and it was just routine to be on time. After the emperor sat down, he asked the same questions as usual, whether he slept well, whether he ate well, and which poems and books he had learned recently. I also answered as usual. In the past, I felt that the questions the emperor asked showed that he still cared about me, but recently, I felt more and more that he was indifferent and ignoring me in these same questions. For the first time, I had the desire to take a good look at the emperor. I wanted to know whether my husband is good-looking or not, whether he is considered a handsome man. So I looked up secretly, but I was a little disappointed.It's not unattractive, it's just that his expressionless face looks so cold, which is far inferior to his... that gentle face. Thinking of him, my heart suddenly beat so fast that I didn't even know what was going on. When I sent the emperor away, I found that there was already a heavy snowfall in the sky.He probably won't be here in such a cold weather... Even if he came, he might have left by now, I thought so.But I can't calm down when I stay in the house, maybe he is there, maybe he is... I walked up and down the house, not even knowing what I was hesitating about, and finally I decided to go out and have a look, even if he wasn't staying in the small pavilion. I stepped on the snow and walked towards the small pavilion with some difficulty, and heard the sound of the piano from a distance. My heart suddenly jumped into my throat, he is here! I quickened my pace, and sure enough I saw him. He raised his head and looked at me with some surprise, obviously he didn't expect that I would come at this time. I shouted: "I, I can play "Phoenix Seeking Phoenix", let me play it for you!" I poured all my emotions into it and played it slowly, as if my hands were no longer my own, and I naturally plucked along with the melody. Gradually he sang softly: "There is a beautiful person, and I will never forget it when I see it. I don't see you for a day, and I miss you like crazy. The phoenix flies and soars, and the world seeks the phoenix. The helpless beauty is not on the east wall. The qin is the language. , Chatting and writing from the bottom of my heart. When will I see Xu Xi, and comfort me. I hope that my words will be worthy of virtue, and I will join hands. I will not fly with you and cause me to perish..." We cooperated very well that day. After playing, I panted slightly and looked at him. Suddenly I sneezed, and I realized that I forgot to put on my cloak because I came out in a hurry. When he saw it, he hurriedly took off his cloak and wrapped it around me. He didn't let go, his hands wrapped around me in the cloak, and I didn't know what was wrong, so I naturally leaned into his arms. I even forgot how my heart was beating at that time, I just felt very warm and comfortable like never before.I am alone in this palace, and it has been a long time since I felt this way. His always gentle eyes seemed to be on fire.I stared blankly until he slowly lowered his head and put his lips on mine and sucked gently. I suddenly shuddered and pushed him away. He asked me: "What is your name, I will ask the empress dowager for you..." I suddenly realized that I had made a huge mistake, shook my head vigorously, and left as if I was running away. That night I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep well. I kept replaying the moment when our lips touched, the strange touch in my mind.But I know this matter is no small matter. As a queen, how can I have skin-to-skin contact with other men... I don’t know if there will be any marks on my lips, and if I am found out, what kind of punishment will I receive? It hurts my father. I couldn't fall asleep anymore, so I got up suddenly, and suddenly I felt the wet and greasy sheets under my hands. The nanny was woken up by me, she lit a small lamp and came to see me, at this time I also saw clearly the wet blood under my body. "Hey, empress, you have become an adult!" the nanny said happily. When the nanny reported this to the Empress Dowager in the morning, I lowered my head and felt a little shy, but the Empress Dowager was very happy. At this time, someone outside reported: "Queen Mother, the emperor and the fifteenth prince have come to see you." I couldn't react for a while, I didn't expect to see the emperor at this time, the empress dowager coughed at this time, and I came back to my senses and hurriedly covered my face with a fan. When the emperor introduced the fifteen princes behind him to me, I put down my fan, opened my eyes wide, and was too surprised to speak. I didn't expect him to be the fifteenth prince at all, and I didn't expect that after yesterday's incident, we would meet again on such an occasion in such a capacity.He was as surprised as I was, but he was much calmer than me, and he still greeted me without changing his expression. But I really don't know what to do at all.Later, the emperor pulled him up and said: "We are all one family, why should the fifteenth brother perform such a grand ceremony, get up quickly." I was still dumbfounded until the empress dowager asked me to step down.We have both lied to each other, he is not a court musician at all, he is the emperor's younger brother, my brother-in-law, and yesterday we... I felt cramps in my abdomen and squatted down in pain. After that, I never went to that pavilion again, and I never saw Zhuan Ming again. Zhuan Ming, I smiled wryly, and finally knew his name. One day the empress dowager asked me to go and revealed that it was time for me to consummate the marriage with the emperor.It was a matter of course, but at this time I felt very sad, and there was also a kind of fear, but who would care about my emotions?Although the empress dowager is good at me, but if I really say that I don't want to, will she worry about my feelings?Will not. Maybe it should be like that, I will be with my husband and be my queen, as the empress dowager said, everyone acts according to their own status.But when night fell and the emperor came to Fengyi Palace, I could no longer convince myself like this. Looking at the half-dark face of the emperor under the candlelight, that face was so unfamiliar, my body in bed trembled uncontrollably. The emperor blew out the lights, and the room became dark immediately, only the faint moonlight pouring in from outside, then he pulled down the curtain beside the bed and got into bed too. He covered my body and reached out to untie the knot on my chest. He didn't say a word to me during the whole process, and I could only smell the faint smell of alcohol from him. When my clothes were off and his fingers touched my skin for the first time, I flinched as if I was burned. Not him, not him!I think, what I think is the teenager who will smile at me.My body shouldn't just be handed over to this stranger in front of me! I pushed the emperor away at once, fled towards the edge of the bed, and kept muttering: "No, you don't love my concubine at all, you don't have any feelings for my concubine at all. Please let me go..." The emperor pulled me back, pressed me under him again, and said to me in a deep voice: "This has nothing to do with love. It's just a duty, a duty!" The pain was heart-piercing, I kept beating the emperor, my mind was full of the shadow of Zhuan Ming, tears flowed out. When I woke up early the next morning, I was no longer the original me, I had become a woman, the emperor's wife, the queen of the palace. I looked at myself in the mirror with disheveled hair, and said to myself: "Maybe it should be like this..." I wanted to do it like the emperor's wife and the queen of the harem, but I found everything was so difficult.The emperor doesn't pay attention to me at all, I abandoned my heart and gave everything to him, but he dotes on Concubine Dan Shu. A kind of grief and anger welled up in my heart, so I couldn't help embarrassing Concubine Dan everywhere, but I'm not that kind of person, I know that I don't feel jealous towards Concubine Dan Shu out of a woman's jealousy, I'm just venting, venting my sadness emotion, while hating myself. The empress dowager is becoming more and more dissatisfied with me, saying that I am not sensible, let alone have the bearing to be a queen. Suddenly one day I heard "Feng Qiuhuang" again, it was Emperor Ji Duoyi who was learning to play the piano, even such a young child in this harem can play so well. "No, no, this tune shouldn't be played like this..." I heard something wrong with Duo Yi Di Ji's playing. Emperor Ji Duoyi asked me with clear eyes: "Empress Empress, can you also play "Feng Qiuhuang"?" I panicked and replied, "No, I won't." But the melody of "Phoenix Seeking the Phoenix" was still lingering in my mind. When I returned to the palace, I couldn't calm down. I finally made up my mind to go to the pavilion again. I don't think he will still be there, maybe I secretly hope that he will be there, and he is really there. At that moment, I knew that there would be another person waiting for me, and I ran to his arms desperately.I don't care so much anymore, I am about the same age as Zhuan Ming, we should be the couple together, not to mention the emperor doesn't love me at all. After that, that hidden little pavilion became the place where we met quietly. There is a forbidden area in Eryu Palace. It is said that Gong'e has been hanged, and no one dares to set foot there, but it has become our safe haven, where we try to enjoy the pleasures of fish and water between men and women. I have been in contact with Zhuan Ming for a long time, and I find that he is sometimes more like a child than me. He didn't like the empress dowager very much, and he didn't like the emperor either. He said that the emperor's ability was less than one-tenth of his, so the empress dowager chose the emperor as a puppet instead of him.I caressed his body and asked him if he wanted to be emperor. He said that he wanted to, he said that no one in the world wants to be an emperor, and if he becomes an emperor, he can be with me in a legitimate way, and then he said badly, he can even be happy in that spacious dragon bed every day and night .I giggled after hearing this. Zhuan Ming is also very jealous, even the few nights my husband in name has spent will make his heart sour, he is especially crazy with jealousy, and sometimes even sneaked into my husband right after the emperor left. The palace is lingering with me. He made me feel love, it was he who made me no longer despair of life, I don't regret being with him, even to the point of death. I was immersed in my love, and I didn't care about anything that happened in the palace, no matter what happened to the emperor, or what new concubines the emperor married. But then even I heard about the empress dowager's quarrel with the emperor, so I couldn't help gloating. I was not feeling well in those few days, but I had to pretend to visit the empress dowager. She was indeed much haggard in the hospital bed, and she could no longer see her previous arrogance. I wondered to myself whether she would have such a day. Shanshan asked me to bring the soup to the empress dowager, I was reluctant in my heart, but I did it anyway, but when I smelled the bitter taste of the soup, I suddenly felt nauseous, I bowed my head and vomited without thinking about anything else. I felt very rude myself, and when I was about to apologize, I saw the Empress Dowager put her hand on my pulse. I looked at her inexplicably until she said pleasantly, "You're pregnant..." Like a bolt from the blue, I stayed there. I never thought that I would be pregnant, but when I realized what it meant to be pregnant, I suddenly felt sorry for Zhuan Ming.I was pregnant with a child who was not my beloved, I betrayed our love. Except for the few times when the emperor came, we had no scruples. Usually Zhuanming is very careful. This child may belong to Zhuanming, but it is more likely to belong to the emperor. I don't even know who the father of the child is. But later the empress dowager asked someone to check the date, and it was confirmed that it was indeed the emperor's flesh and blood; and the emperor's incomparable concern for the child later convinced me that the child was really the emperor's, otherwise how could he be so enthusiastic?If it wasn't his, he probably would have killed me long ago and wouldn't have let me live. I felt that a sin was brewing in my body, I didn't even have the face to see Zhuan Ming, I hid from him for many days. Zhuan Ming came to see me in desperation, he hugged me in his arms, kissed me and said, "My son, don't do this, I would rather believe that this child is mine, we love each other, and God should give us a child." child……" I knew it was Zhuan Ming's comforting words, so I couldn't help but shed tears, "Zhuan Ming, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I was pregnant with severe pregnancy reactions and it was literally killing me. The empress dowager and the emperor pay more attention to me, but I don't care about them. I only rely on Zhuan Ming's encouragement and comfort. He said: "My son, no matter who this child is, you must take good care of yourself and give birth to the child smoothly. In this way, your position will be stable. You will be the mother of the prince and the future empress dowager. You see How beautiful is the empress dowager now? When you become the empress dowager, we can really be together, and no one dares to say anything..." I nodded with half understanding, and then said to him: "No matter what difficulties we encounter, I hope we can love each other like Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun, and stay together forever like them, okay?" Zhuan Ming hesitated for a moment, then pulled me into his arms, "Well, we will be together forever." But this oath was soon proved to be impossible to fulfill, the emperor betrothed a famous beauty in the capital to Zhuanming. Zhuan Ming and I started to panic, wondering if the emperor had discovered something by doing this suddenly. Zhuan Ming thought about it, and analyzed: "Probably not. If the emperor really doubts our relationship, he will also doubt this child, but he still cares about this child as always, doesn't he? If he doubts us, you, Neither I nor the child could have survived." Zhuan Ming's words made me feel a little relieved, but the fire of jealousy of the woman was ignited from then on.Although Zhuanming assured me that he would not like her or touch her, just imagining Jiang Qing standing next to Zhuanming like a small bird made me unbearable. Wouldn't you be moved?Jealousy and anxiety tormented me every day and night. I couldn't sleep or eat, and I looked more and more haggard, which made me feel inferior. If it is said that Zhuan Ming's marriage just made my heart hurt, then Zhuan Ming's departure is a knife in my heart.This means that the person who can bring me happiness is leaving, and I am left alone in this harem with someone else's child. After Zhuan Ming left, the only thing that can support me to continue to live is what he said to me, give birth to a child and become the empress dowager, so that I can be with him forever.Seeing that the bulge of my stomach is becoming more and more obvious, I am also looking forward to this reliance that can realize my dream. Until the news of Zhuan Ming's death came. At that moment, I couldn't believe what I heard. That person also said that we should wait together until the day when I become the Empress Dowager and we can be together in a fair manner, but he is gone... I was almost crying, but I remembered what he told me before he left, "My son, you are a man who doesn't know how to play tricks, but in order to live better, remember my words, don't express any emotions without authorization. If you really can't control it, you have to laugh, you can only laugh..." So I laughed out loud, wantonly. There was nothing left, no vows, no children, no empress dowager, everything disappeared with that person. I knew that the emperor killed Zhuan Ming, and from that day on, my only belief became revenge. Zhuanming once said that if the emperor finds out about us, he, I and the child will not be able to live. Zhuanming is young and strong, so how could he suddenly die of a sudden illness? The emperor must have become suspicious of our affairs and assassinated him. Zhuanming, and I survived because I was pregnant with his child, and he will not let me go after the child is born. Later, the emperor had a rift with the empress dowager for some reason, and the empress dowager never asked about the affairs of the harem. The guard in the harem was relaxed a lot, which also facilitated my revenge plan. My stomach is already bulging, and the imperial doctors said that it will be the day of giving birth soon, and this will also be the day when I implement the plan. That day I put all the jewelry on the dressing table and carefully selected one by one. I have never dressed myself so carefully. What I thought was, if I meet Zhuan Ming in the sky, what I hope he sees It's my pretty face. When I left the palace, I asked my close Gong'e to bring me the piano, and played Zhuan Ming and I's beloved "Phoenix Seeking the Phoenix" for the last time. That Gong'e heard me play the piano for the first time, she couldn't hide her surprise on her face, but she didn't ask any questions, she just stood aside and listened seriously. Then I heard her murmuring sadly: "Feng Qiuhuang, what a beautiful song, Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun fell in love because of this, it would be more perfect if their love can last forever..." I stopped suddenly. "What did you say? What happened to Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun?" The palace lady was a little panicked, and carefully told me what happened after Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun. I finally knew why Zhuan Ming hesitated at that time. I came to Shouan Palace. I know that the emperor must be serving the crazy woman who is said to be his biological mother in Shouan Palace at this time, and this is the time when the crazy woman should drink the decoction. After notifying the waiter to lead me into the room, the emperor looked at me and asked indifferently: "Oh, why is the queen here?" Before I said anything, Qu Qiuquan walked in with a small yellow glazed dragon dancing bowl, and said to the emperor, "Your Majesty, it's time for the concubine to take her medicine." The emperor took the porcelain bowl, came to a woman, scooped up a small spoon and blew it, then brought it to his mouth and tasted it first. That's what the emperor always does, try the decoction for his biological mother, I watched him do all this coldly. The emperor frowned and said, "The taste is a bit different from usual. Is it not cooked enough today? Go down and boil for a little longer. Didn't the imperial physician say that this must be thoroughly boiled?" 曲求全拿下瓷碗领命而去，我环顾了一下对四周的宫人命令道：“你们都下去吧，本宫有话对皇上说，等叫你们时再进来。” 这时屋里只剩下了我、皇上与床上那个面目有些呆滞的女人。 “说吧，找朕什么事。”皇上转过头看向我。 我没有说什么，只是从宽大的袖袍中抽出一把小匕首，皇上见了变了脸色，本能地往后退了几步。 我冷笑一声，然后径直将这把匕首插到了我那圆滚滚的肚子上，随后拔出，因为疼痛我闷叫了一声，同时鲜血从我的肚子上喷涌而出。 皇上被眼前的景象吓呆了，他急忙奔向我，将我的匕首抢下扔到一边，问我：“你这是干什么？你为什么要这么做？！” 看着他的手足无措，我有一种报复的快感，虽然承受着巨大的疼痛但我还是笑着回答他：“你杀了他，我……我也不想活下去，但是我要为……要为他报仇，你很期盼这个孩子是不是？我不会让，不会让你得逞的，我要杀了你的孩子，让他陪我一起死……” 听着我的话，他的神色复杂，然后他突然放开我，淡淡地说：“皇后，你真傻……那孩子根本不是朕的，那不是朕的孩子！是你背叛朕和朕的弟弟私通结下的孽种！” 这次轮到我吃惊了，我用力抵着旁边的柱子支撑自己站下去，我捂着汩汩流着鲜血的肚子，手已是血红一片，“为什么？为什么你这么说？这是你的孩子！” “这根本不可能是朕的孩子！”他没有一丝犹豫地说。 “为什么你敢这么肯定？连我自己都不敢肯定这到底是谁的孩子……” 皇上没有给我解释，然而看着皇上那张保持沉默的脸，我突然悟出了什么…… 我不知道那时我的心情到底是怎样的，我按住肚子上流着血的伤口，这孩子，这孩子竟然是我和颛明的，是我们的孩子，而我刚刚杀了我们的孩子……这是多么的戏剧性。 但同时我窥得了皇上那不为人知的痛苦秘密，我又满是幸灾乐祸，我的背叛已经是对他最大的讽刺。 这个结局多么的好笑。 我渐渐感觉到自己的无力，于是再也支撑不住顺着柱子坐到地上，我用尽力气说话，“那么我还想问你最后一个问题……既然你都知道，甚至确定这个……这个孩子不是你的，那么你为什么还留着它，你不是恨不得……杀了我们母子吗？” 他别过头去，回答：“这你不必知道。” 我长长地出了一口气，微笑道：“是哦，那么，那么等到阴间时再让我与颛明一起问你吧，我的夫君。”最后那个词我重重地说了一下。 皇上也许意识到了什么，他指着我问：“你说的是什么意思？” 我冲他咧嘴笑了笑，这时突然他俯下身去，捂着肚子。 我知道药效发作了，仿佛满足般吁了一口气，替颛明报了仇，我也没有什么遗憾的了。 我们母子将会在另一个地方与你相聚，不管在什么样的地方，只要有你在我就是幸福的。 只是颛明，以后我们再也不要弹奏《凤求凰》了好吗？司马相如与卓文君终是一个悲剧，他们没有一直相爱到最后。而我们，虽不能同生，但我们同死，以后要投生成青梅竹马，幸福地生活在一起。 番外——善善 我看着小小姐当上太后后日夜忙碌，也许她自己意识不到，但她即便笑着的时候依然微锁着眉头，那样的沉重，仿佛总是思考着什么。这使她日益憔悴。 垂帘第二年冬天边境传来谢飓国侵犯的消息，虽然小小姐竭力镇定地运筹帷幄，表现出一副胸有成竹的样子，然而她内心终究是上了火气，于是到了初春，本是万物复苏春暖花开的时节，小小姐却再也坚持不住病倒了。病得不轻，断断续续地发着高烧。 宫人的忙碌自不必说，冷时加被热时摇扇，尽心伺候。只是小小姐病中依然要批阅奏折，看她强撑着身子慢慢地写着什么，我不免感到有些心酸。 宫人们的闲言碎语中暗暗流露对皇帝的责备，说他没有主见，没有当皇帝的能力和气魄，才让小小姐这样忙碌，连个依靠都没有。这些我都严厉地叱责回去，因为在我看来，皇上尚未亲政，他对小小姐的依顺便是最大的支持。况且皇上宅心仁厚，他又那样努力，虽不说名垂千古，但至少不会沦落为一代昏君。 那天小小姐批着折子竟斜在榻上渐渐睡着了，我见她难得睡得安稳，没叫醒她，并且让其余的几位宫人悄悄退下，留自己一人为她扇着扇子。 不一会儿，皇上过来看望小小姐，见小小姐正睡着，叫随行的宫人退下，自己走了进来，小心翼翼，生怕吵醒她似的。 皇上在小小姐的身边坐了下来，轻声问我说：“善善姑姑，母后好些了吗？” 我轻叹了一口气回道：“这病去如抽丝，小小姐自己也不多加休息，所以就这样一直孱弱着……” 皇上有些忧郁，又转过头去注视着熟睡中的小小姐，神情是那样的温柔而专注。 这时我突然想起给小小姐熬的汤药快要好了，忘了叮嘱宫人用紫砂杯来盛，于是歉意地起身解释道：“皇上，老奴得去煎药房看看，等老奴叫楚姿进来侍候……” 皇上摆了摆手说：“朕会在这儿照看母后的，你去吧。” 我只得留下皇上一个人离开，在煎药房着实忙乱了一番，端着汤药回来已经有些时候了。 我到门外，就见屋里静悄悄的，皇上正轻轻地为小小姐扇着扇子。 见到此情此景，我不禁微微笑了。皇上对小小姐的关心出自真心，也不妄小小姐那样心疼他，像亲生儿子一般待他。 可我正要跨过门槛进屋的时候，那句“皇上”还没叫出口，却见皇上俯下身去，慢慢地，慢慢地亲吻了小小姐！ 我睁大眼睛，差点惊呼出来，药杯也险些摔掉，整个人愣在那里。 我简直不敢相信我所看到的。 皇上对小小姐？可皇上是小小姐的儿子！ 他怎么能？他怎么能！ 震惊之余，我才意识到皇上和小小姐并无血缘关系，皇上只比小小姐小八岁而已。 我在心底长叹了一口气，美丽的小小姐，聪慧的小小姐，几近完美的小小姐，有哪个男人在她身边那么久能不喜欢不迷恋她呢？更何况皇上自小就在她身边长大，小小姐待他又是极好的。这么一想，皇上迟迟不肯大婚也就有了理由。 看样子小小姐一定是不知情的。可怜小小姐一向善于揣测男人的心思，可却忽略了自己的身边人——她视为亲子的皇上。 我担忧地胡乱想着，心里隐隐有了些不好的预感，这是一段孽缘啊。 想到这儿，我悄悄返回去然后故意弄出明显的脚步声，待再到门口时发现皇上果然已经恢复常态，只是端坐在一边静静地为小小姐扇扇，仿佛刚才的事情从未发生过一样。 我将汤药端到桌上，竭力装作若无其事，从皇上手中接过扇子，扇过一会儿，我突然对皇上提起说：“皇上，您知道小小姐为什么会病吗？” 皇上低下头，有些羞愧地回答：“朕知道……母后她太操劳国事了。” 我摇了摇头，“这只是其中之一，不过小小姐一直对奴婢们说为了您这都是无怨无悔的。其实还是您大婚一事，男大当婚，何况您还是身系重任的皇帝。您屡屡推脱这事，小小姐不明白您的意思，又不欲太强迫您，所以左右为难呐。您不大婚，便迟迟不能亲政，外面非议小小姐霸权的大有人在啊。” 我这番话说得皇上更是羞愧，我趁热打铁继续说：“皇上，您想想小小姐现今的年纪现今的身份，她还能期盼什么呢？无非是等您娶妻生子，等您独掌天下，她好含饴弄孙，颐养天年。皇帝一向孝顺小小姐，这件事情顺着小小姐不才是最大的贤孝吗？您若是真能娶南宫家的女孩为后，亲上加亲，小小姐心中不知道该有多高兴。再说那玳君小姐，毕竟和小小姐有相同的血脉，样貌不差，举止端庄，不正是好人选吗……” 皇上略有痛苦地打断我：“善善姑姑，别说了。母后才二十六岁，还那样年轻，你怎么就这么说呢？” “那么皇上觉得小小姐还能指望什么呢？”我毫不客气地反问道。 皇上哑口无言，最后他颓然说：“善善姑姑，有的时候想是一码事，但实际上是另一码事。也许你并不懂朕说的意思，但朕回去后会好好考虑你的话。” 这天无论对皇上还是对后来醒来的小小姐，我都装作不明所以，但心里却暗暗拿定主意，一定要让皇上早些大婚，或许他只是一时出于对小小姐的懵懂依恋，如果成了亲成了人就会随着时间的流逝而渐渐冲淡吧。 后来当我找机会提到玳君提到皇上大婚时，心怦怦地跳着，生怕小小姐察觉出什么。也幸好战事繁忙，小小姐虽有些奇怪，但也没有深想。 但是当小小姐说玳君已经不需要进宫，并喃喃地说不知道自己做得对不对时，我还不能理解她的意思。 直到后来朱皇后进宫，我才明白小小姐这是为了国家大计不惜舍弃自己和整个南宫氏族的利益。 小小姐是为了大局着想，了解的人都不得不敬佩小小姐的胸襟与打算。 但只可惜造化弄人，明明是小小姐的良苦用心，却……