Chapter 153 Parting in Qiushui Pavilion

Returning to Yueyang Palace and sitting in Qiushui Pavilion, I feel like I am in a gorgeous cage, which is much different from when I first entered Zijin City and felt like a canary.At that time, it was a kind of lazy boredom, but now, it is a kind of boredom that wants to break free.I am already tired of this kind of life, tired of facing so many faces, tired of so many red tapes, for me, this is a layer of hypocritical veil, I need to bravely uncover it, because I know the dripping veil hidden behind stories and secrets. Huafan looked at me anxiously: "Sister, what's the matter? Is the emperor not well?"

Only then did I come to my senses, Huafan had been waiting for me to tell her Chunyi's illness, but I was alone immersed in my own thoughts.Looking at her anxiously, I realized that I was the one who cared about Chunyi the least.I replied in a low voice: "No, he's fine, he just suffered from a bit of wind and cold, nothing serious, sister don't need to worry." Huafan took my hand and asked with concern: "Sister, what's wrong with you? Is there something wrong with your complexion?" I smiled at her shallowly: "No, sister, I go back on my word, I want to break my promise."

Huafan looked at me with a puzzled face: "Repent? Break your promise? Sister, tell me, what happened? What did the emperor say to you?" I shook my head slightly: "Nothing happened, and the emperor never said anything to me. It's me, and I can't forget the past." I held her hand tightly, "Sister, do you know? I can't forget myself Here, I can be the queen of the Great Qi Dynasty peacefully, completely forgetting who I really am." Huafan comforted: "Sister, why are you being stupid again? Didn't you agree last time? It's useless to do whatever you want. It's better to stay here in Zijin City. The entire harem is already dominated by you." , Is this not good?" Zhuzhu, the painting fan also used these two words, and Chunzhen also told me that everything here is dominated by me.

I sneered and said, "I don't want to be a ruler like this. It's a wise man who rules himself, but a fool who rules others. I don't need to punish myself with other people's sins. If I want to be free, I have to run away." "But is there still time for all this?" Huafan asked anxiously. "What's too late? Everyone is free to choose their own life. Even if there is a bondage, they can try their best to untie it. Who can really trap whose life?" My tone was indifferent and proud, as if I You can really control your own destiny with ease.In fact, I am just indulging Chunyi's doting on me. As for others, can they really be as free as I am?If indulgence is a sin, let me be unpardonable.

After hearing this, Hua Fan calmed down a lot, and asked slowly, "Is it forever or temporarily?" I whispered: "I don't know, I'm confused, I just want to get out of here, I think this is a prison, I don't want to be a prisoner, I want to indulge my soul. Do you understand? The better the emperor treats me, the more I feel The more you are tired, the more you will be bored." Huafan nodded: "How could I not understand, this kind of thing makes you love-hate." "Yes, love-hate dilemma, that's it. Loving someone requires emotion, and hating someone also requires emotion. I ask myself that I am an emotionally indifferent person. I don't have so much emotion to love and hate, so I want to leave." I was talking lazily, if it wasn't for her being a painting fan, I don't think I would even have the idea of ​​talking.

Huafan pondered for a moment, then raised his eyebrows and asked me: "Meier, you should really have stayed outside the palace with Chu Yu, then everything after that would not have happened, and there would not be so much love and hate." Calling me like that once, I felt so kind in my heart. There was a sneer at the corner of my mouth: "Thinking back when Chu Yu kept me in the chaimen courtyard, I mistakenly thought he was doing it for me. It was a waste of his thoughts, but he knew that I had an inevitable disaster and tried to help me Overcome, but he is still powerless after all. He kept me, for himself, but also for me. I am the same sad person as him, the same contradiction, the same compassion, and the same indifference. Such a person, in the end, The one who hurt the most is actually himself.”

Hua Fan looked at me, and couldn't help asking: "Sister, if you leave, can you really let go of the emperor completely? I think he will find you even if it is the end of the world." I said peacefully: "No, he won't come to me, he will let me drift in the end of the world, he will wait, wait for me in Zijin City, wait until I am tired and miss him, and then turn back." In words, I seem to see Chunyi standing blind on the pavilion of the Hall of Mental Cultivation, standing with his hands behind his back, his clothes facing the wind, looking into the distance alone, even though his world is only dark, but he is still looking out, waiting, waiting Will that heartless woman return quietly when the lights are dimmed?

Hua Fan sighed softly: "Sister, in fact we are somewhat similar, we are thin and cool women, unable to love with everything. But the difference is that I cannot love, because in my life, love has never been the most important thing. It's because you don't want to love, because your temperament is not the kind of person who loves indulgently, or there won't be such a person who makes you love desperately. Although, the man who loves you deeply is the best in the world, but in the end Still can’t open your locked heart door.” Huafan’s words let me know that she understands me so well, she knows that I’m still unwilling to open the heart door, it’s because I’m lazy, such a lazy woman , Afraid of being tired, I have always thought that love is a burden.If I can't afford it, I won't force it; if I can afford it, I don't want to accept it.

Holding the hand of the painting fan, I said softly: "Sister, if I leave, you must serve the emperor well, he needs you." Hua Fan shook his head helplessly: "You know very well that what he needs is not me, what he needs is you." I smiled coldly: "It's not something you can have if you need it. Without me, he still has you and three thousand beauties in the harem. But I know that he will fall in love with you, because you are outstanding, and he will." Huafan also smiled coldly: "Even if he needs me, it is because of you, because I am close to you, because I live in Yueyang Palace, and I can find your shadow in me. Sister, after you leave, I will be you." However, I don’t mind this. Because love has never been the most important thing to me. What I want is fame and wealth, that kind of supreme power, but I have my principles, and I will not force them. Maybe I will do anything , but still have a lot of scruples."

"You have been in the palace for so long, and you have always been concerned about me." "No, it's not my scruples. It's because I don't have a chance. Sister, no amount of scheming is worth true love. True love makes people lose their souls and is willing to give everything. But what you get in exchange for scheming won't last long." Hua Fan said Tell me straight up that she really is an extremely intelligent woman who understands everything. I held the hand of the painting fan tightly: "Sister, no matter what, you have to take good care of him. A blind person has a fragile heart. In this life, I owe him."

"Are you really so determined to leave and not come back?" Hua Fan looked at me and asked. "Yes, I want to leave, but I'm not sure whether I'll come back. At least, for the time being, I don't want to be here. Life is uncertain. When the Buddha left me, I was so resolute. I said I would go back to Zijin City, and I promised not to leave for the rest of my life. .I even promised the emperor that I would never abandon her in my life, but I still regretted it. I am really a willful woman, and I will do what I want." Huashan nodded: "That's fine, you might as well go to Cuimei Nunnery to stay for ten days and a half months, and come back when you feel calmer. At that time, we will take good care of the emperor together, and we will accompany you in this harem. go down." I smiled: "Maybe I will wander the rivers and lakes, maybe I will always be in Cuimei Temple, but I will not become a monk, I am reluctant to part with this world of mortals." Looking at the painting fan: "Sister, am I a weirdo? They said I It’s a demon concubine, you’re right, sometimes I feel like a demon, otherwise why would I be so strange.” Huafan covered her mouth and smiled: "Sister, you are still full of strange things? If you are, those rouge vulgar fans who look weird all the time, what are you? You are too quiet, so quiet..." Huafan didn't finish because she didn't know How should I finish. I smiled and said, "Maybe, I am very quiet, but my thoughts are more magnificent than anyone else's." Hua Fan pondered for a while, then said softly: "Sister, I am afraid that I will never be able to leave here in this life. When I came here, I made up my mind not to leave again. No matter whether it is honor or disgrace in the palace, since I am here, don't leave anymore." "Okay, I also hope you stay. When I want you to come in, I hope you stay, and I sincerely hope that you can get the happiness you want." "It's a luxury to talk about happiness. It's okay to live like this. It's just that my sister is gone. I will be lonely in this huge Yueyang Palace." She took my hand, and there was a lot of dissatisfaction in her eyes. Abandon. I smiled and said, "Silly sister, maybe I just went out for a few days and then came back." "How about I accompany you to Cuimei Nunnery to stay for a few days, okay?" Huashan asked. I shook my head lightly: "No, sister, you can stay in the palace with the emperor, otherwise I don't feel at ease, and I can leave with peace of mind only after I entrust him to you. Besides, I also want to be alone, maybe I will be with you." Make an end to the outside world, and then return to this Yueyang Palace, and accompany my sister to grow old lonely." Hua Fan comforted: "This is the best way to grow old with loneliness." "Sister, give birth to a child for the emperor, so that you will be very happy." I suddenly said to the painting fan, and I will always think of Chu Yu's prediction of Chun Yi's words, blindness, short life.If the painting fan had dragon species, then her future position in the harem would be guaranteed. Huafan smiled: "Sister, how can you get what you want if you want it." "Yes, trust me." After saying that, I thought of Yan'er, and the pain in my heart was very light. In this life, I will no longer be pregnant with Chunyi's child.I finally understood why Yan'er couldn't keep him, he couldn't exist at all, a Princess Dayan and an Emperor Daqi couldn't have a child together. "Sister..." The painting fan called me. I smiled slightly: "Sister, after I leave, this harem may be really quiet, or it may stir up even bigger waves. But with you here, you will handle it better than me. I believe my sister, in the future My sister’s temperament is more suitable than mine.” Thinking of Huafan’s presence in Firework Lane these years, she has always been an oiran, how can ordinary women have such courage, she is smarter than Concubine Yun, and she will not be attracted by love like Concubine Wu The fetters will not be as silly as the queen. "Sister, I'll wait for your return." Hua Fan looked at me sincerely. "Okay." Suddenly I felt very soft in my heart, and I didn't seem to be able to cut everything so decisively. Cutting everything off, is it possible to start again? I told myself, no, I don't want to lie to myself.