Chapter 20 Is gardenia happy?

When I finally got home from the hospital, it was two weeks later. The layout of my room is exactly the same as in the dream: a pot of masts on the window sill has just bloomed, the shell wind chimes I made by myself are jingling in the wind, and there is a half-read Jin Yong martial arts novel by the bedside, opened In the North Qiaofeng South Murong Fighting Section. The only difference is that the dressing table is clean and spotless, not as dusty as in the dream. Yiran held my hand all the time on the road, and finally let go at this moment, and said with red eyes: "Chen'er, I will never leave you again."

I tease: "Has your heart ever left me?" He blushed suddenly and broke out in a sweat, I quickly apologized: "Just kidding, why are you so nervous?" Mom turned around and said, "Girl, these days you left, I come here to clean the house every day, and everything is arranged as you left. Looking at it, it seems that you are still at home. You are gone Two months, Mom has cried for you for two months." Mom said and shed tears again, and I couldn't help but have a sore nose, oh, mom, poor mom! But, has it only been two months since I left home?I almost feel like a lifetime has passed.

Let us leave in a sensible way, and spare time to express our heartfelt love to our mother and daughter.I sent him downstairs, at the top of the stairs, he turned around and kissed me as usual, it was not a passionate wet kiss, just a polite understatement of a little bird's pecking and pecking, and then we parted suddenly.I looked into his eyes, hoping to find myself in them as before, but I failed, and there were only confusion and hesitation in them.I finally came to the conclusion that there was something on my mind that was hidden from me. It was a very serious thing. What was it? Back home, my mother had no scruples anymore, and started to talk about the past in detail: "The police found your letter at the murderer surnamed Zhong that day, saying that you were going to elope with the murderer surnamed Zhong, but I was very anxious. Fortunately, Your friend who owns a teahouse, she said that you just called her to inform her to call the police. It is absolutely impossible to leave with Zhong Chubo voluntarily. It must be the letter surnamed Zhong who coerced you to write. Only then did everyone understand Come here. Let me just say, my daughter, how could she do such a scandalous thing as escape from marriage and elope? Fortunately, I believe you. Otherwise, I would not be able to clean up if I jumped into the Yellow River. This time you come back, the doctor will do it for you After a thorough inspection, she said that you are still a fake girl, so the mother is relieved, daughter, it is really not easy for you!"

I was taken aback, and the tears that were about to flow were forced back, and I didn't know whether to be sad or angry.Listening to my mother's tone, it seems that I am more fortunate to preserve my reputation than to preserve my life. In the past, it must have been difficult for me to accept such insults and contempt, and to conduct a hymen examination on me without asking for my opinion, which is a kind of violation no matter what.But since experiencing that night of "watching the second startled dream", I feel that I have seen through life and death, and everything is fine.If you are a virgin or not, what difference does it make if you are respected or not?

However, these words ruined my mood of going home after all, and made me suddenly feel that returning to the city is actually not such a beautiful thing.It has been too long since I have dealt with people, and I have become unfamiliar with the etiquette and value standards of people's communication. Therefore, Wuyou, mother, is no longer what I longed to miss in the mountains and forests.Of course, they still treat me very well, care about me and love me, and fully welcome my return, but they always feel that something is wrong.what is it then? I can't think clearly, but I feel tired and lonely, I just want to get away from all this, go back to the mountains, go back to my bridal chamber, and be with Songfeng Linhai.

I am actually missing the mountains and forests. For the next two days, the house was full of guests all the time, and everyone thought I survived a catastrophe and survived a desperate situation. But I didn't feel like I escaped from death, but I felt more like Nankey Yimeng, who came back from a walk in Dahuai Country.Looking at the people and things around me, there are somewhat vague, unbelievable philistines and trivialities. Maybe I should blame myself for this—surrounded by such overflowing care, I still feel lonely—all loving eyes can’t warm me, and all kind smiles can’t walk into my heart.

My heart was lost in the misty and rainy mountains and forests, and I was caught by the cry of my sister bird, calling helplessly: brother!elder brother! Who is my brother?Is that so? Since I returned home, Yiran has come here at least once a day, but he rarely speaks, always looks worried, and leaves after sitting for a while, while my mother looks at him with eyes full of prying eyes and worries, which makes me even more worried. Feeling at a loss. Concubine Dorothy groaned and sold office news to me: "You know? Since Manager Zhong left, the 'loyalty' advertisement has been taken over by his partner. The new boss is a big fat man, and he has had sex with the female secretary as soon as he arrived. Now, the flies look like blood, not to mention how disgusting it is. Now that I think about it, I think Manager Zhong is better, at least he won't give her a three-inch golden lotus just because he doesn't accompany the drink."

"Three-inch golden lotus? What three-inch golden lotus?" I was a little dazed, and my mind was obviously not working. "It's just wearing small shoes." Dorothy smiled, "The new boss is different. All the attractive ladies under the age of 30 in the company have changed to call-in. After work, they either drink coffee with him or Accompanying him for dinner is a pretense of talking about work. Huh, we are quite envious when people outside talk about it, thinking that sitting in an air-conditioned room and typing for a day, without the wind blowing and the sun not shining, don’t you know that you are suffering! White-collar outfits, The pink-collar business, the blue-collar income, you have to face and suffer, just knock out your teeth and swallow your blood!"

Concubine Dorothy was laughing and cursing, and her witty remarks were like pearls. In the past, I would complain and be playful with her.But now, none of this resonates with me anymore.I'm not interested in.I miss the mountains and forests. "Your mother said that you will hold a make-up wedding soon. Has the date been set? Why don't you invite me to be a bridesmaid? Hey, I'm also considered a 'senior bridesmaid'. I've been postponed again and again, so I didn't run away this time? It's been a long time coming. New house Has it been arranged? I can't wait to have a bridal chamber."

Oh, the bridal chamber, the bridal chamber that smells of hay and flowers.Zhong Chubo puts a bouquet of flowers with dew in the vase every morning, is it already dry? "Do you know? I've always been worried about you. Your friend who runs the teahouse has ulterior motives for Ke Yiran. I'm afraid that if you come back late again, someone will sneak in and occupy the dove's nest. Thank you for coming back in time." Nestle?Yes, Zhong Chubo once found a nest of bird eggs in the nest, each of which was crystal clear like jade, boiled it in plain water and ate it without adding any seasoning, but it was so delicious that people will never forget it.

"A few days ago, when my colleagues got together, everyone heard that you came back, and they all said they wanted to see you." The mother rabbit was let go that time, and later she brought her little rabbit back to see me, and she remembered that I was its owner.I don't know if it will come again after I leave?If I'm gone, will they miss me? "Hey, did you listen to what I said?" "Huh? What did you say?" "What's the matter with you? You seem to have been in a daze for a long time." Concubine Dorothy was dissatisfied, but then said with infinite emotion, "It's really an old saying, foolish people have foolish blessings. It's only for a distracted person like you that If you are really blessed, don’t be too busy. Like us, we work hard all day long, and we can’t see any light. I really envy you.” "Envy me? Why?" I was still a little dazed. Concubine Tao Le sighed: "Of course you are enviable. You have talent and good looks, strict father and loving mother, clean family background, no worries about food and clothing..." "But many people are like this. The streets are full of female white-collar workers who have graduated from college." "But not everyone can marry into a rich family. There are white-collar women everywhere, but Ke Yiran is not everywhere." It turns out that this is the key.But she finally stopped calling Yiran "Ke Yipiao", which is always a good sign.I smiled: "Concubine Dorothy, do you really think it is so important to marry a rich man?" "Of course it is important. You must know that money is the greatest and most attractive thing in the world. With it, you can buy everything, including family affection and youth." "Youth can be bought with money, I understand, but family, you can't be so cynical, right?" "Of course I'm cynical. Let me tell you, my family is in Jinzhou, and I rarely go back once a month, but every time I enter the house, my dad asks me for money. If I don't take the money back, I will be ashamed to enter the door." "Is it too exaggerated?" "It's not an exaggeration at all. My parents are definitely the kind of petty citizens who are addicted to money. It can't be said that they don't love me, but this way, if one day I draw a cross on my stomach with chalk because I owe a hundred dollars When preparing to commit suicide by caesarean section, my mother would hesitate for a long time, and finally said: How about, I will repay the fifty for you first, and you wiped that stroke?" I couldn't help being amused by her: "How can you describe your parents like that? You are too mean." But then I felt like I was laughing at the hundred steps, and my parents did the same thing.However, in their eyes, what is more important than my life is not money but reputation. I couldn't help being confused: "Isn't life the most precious thing in this world?" "Who says no? But only the life of the rich is more valuable. For the poor, longevity is just suffering. Moreover, for money, life is also a commodity. For example, two patients, the rich The one who can find a good doctor to buy good medicine, can travel around the world and enjoy the latest technology, will definitely save more than the poor. Serious illnesses and a cold can kill people; not to mention those cases where money is used to atone for crimes, who would dare to say that money is not omnipotent?" "But," I blurted out, "Is Zhong Chubo rich enough? Isn't he still going to run away? Can money make him atone for his sins?" Dorothy fell silent.But I became sentimental: "I think, if money can really redeem sins, Zhong Chubo will be willing to spend all the money to buy himself a relatively clean history. However, he has done too many bad things. He killed people, people His life is the only thing that can’t be repeated, he can’t atone for himself, unless he takes his life for his life...” I sighed, not knowing how this case of Zhong Chubo would end. On that day, he told me that as long as I said a word , he would rather stay with me than die.However, at the last moment, I told him, "You go."So far I don’t know if it’s right or wrong to do this. I seem to be divided into two people. One is saying that he must be responsible for the wrong things he has done, while the other is saying that he is also a person and a life. I don’t want to saw him die. I don't know who would win out of these two when I seriously debated it, so I had to let myself not think too much about it. After Concubine Dorothy left, her mother opened the door and came in, hesitantly said: "Just now Yiran's mother called and said that she will come to see you at our house at noon tomorrow." "What? Do you want to meet the elders again?" I feel annoyed, and I wish I could hide in the cave immediately, so that I don't have to socialize with others anymore. My mother sat by my bed, stroked my hair lovingly, and asked, "What do you think about your friend?" "What do you think?" "It's about Wuyou and Yiran who opened the teahouse." "Wuyou and Yiran, what's the matter with them?" Mother bowed her head and thought for a while, and finally said: "Daughter, in fact, I have been a little suspicious for a long time. During the time when you were not in Dalian, it seems that you and that Wuyou have been very close. When you come to our house, you often go out. You are right. I was also worried that if you don’t come back, I might change my mind. But now that you are back, Yiran seems to be still enthusiastic about you, so there is no danger at all. Mom is relieved. However, I don’t know what in-laws mean, so if they come to see you again, you should pay attention and ask about it.” "Mom, where did you go? I don't think there is any difference between Yiran and Wuyou." But wait a minute, Wuyou and Yiran, is the relationship between them really just friendship?Maybe they don't have anything yet, but shouldn't there be something between them?Even my mother has already seen that the two of them are more like a couple, why didn't I think of it? The fragments in memory are automatically combined, and the image gradually becomes clear. I don't mind if Concubine Dorothy said that Wuyou had ulterior motives, because she already knew that it was her own heart to cry out for the thief, so she was jealous for me; Is there a secret love for Yiran, that's why you know the details? After I came back, every time I met Yiran, I always looked in a trance. If there was a difficulty, I didn't know why, but now I know that it was actually because he fell in love with Wuyou, and it was hard to get between me and Wuyou. The choice is what makes it so painful. No wonder Wuyou hasn't seen me for a long time since I was discharged from the hospital.No wonder Yiran hesitates every time he mentions marriage. It turned out to be like this. Thinking about it carefully, Wuyou and Yiran are really a good match, one is chic and handsome, the other is beautiful, no matter what you do, the other is rational and will never give up, and the other always has a reasonable explanation for everything. And myself, impulsive, willful, full of unrealistic fantasies. Ke Yiran and I, like a partridge and a cuckoo, may have been a complete misunderstanding from beginning to end. My heart sank bit by bit, confused and helpless.what should I do? Friendship and love, how to choose? Where do trust and deceit go from here? Should I pretend that I don't know how to push the boat along the way, or should I know how to turn back when I am lost?Should we cherish our love and happiness and stick to it until the end, or should we give up our lover to be the beauty of others for the sake of friendship? And so, on the balance of his love, is it true that there is no place for me anymore?Does he love me more or pity me more?He has not left me so far, is it for love or for responsibility?If he finally decides to get married, will it be out of a choice or a kind of helplessness? I have no idea. I only know that our love will no longer be pure from now on, the marriage has already cast a shadow before it even started, and the relationship between me and Wuyou, like the twin brothers of love and trust, is becoming more and more estranged from intimacy , It is difficult to continue the leading edge. I remember that on the stone bridge of Peking University, I asked Yiran why he loves tea and ink, and Yiran replied: "The wonderful tea and ink are both fragrant, and the spring breeze and autumn moon are equally beautiful. Each is good at winning, and there is no distinction." Perhaps, as early as that time, the status of me and Wuyou in his mind was that "each is good at winning games, and there is no distinction between them". However, which one is more fragrant, the wonderful tea and the wonderful ink, and who is the most beautiful in the spring breeze and autumn moon? Yiran also said that Wuyou is his confidante, and I am his close lover. But in fact, I don't know if I can be counted as his confidante, but maybe Wuyou should really be his close lover. In the dark, whose hands are upside down, making a black joke with the children of the world? Ms. Matchmaker or Mr. Yue may think this is fun and humorous, but for the person involved, it is a very cruel and painful reincarnation. Just because, to love or not to love is not just a word difference, but also to spend a lifetime of feelings to experience, judge, choose and bear. And me, how should I choose?