Chapter 14 Rival

If Mei Ying is compared to a candle flame, Zhang Chaotian is a gust of wind that blows out the candle flame. After him, her life was no longer called living, she searched and searched, half her life was drunk and dreamy. When Da Shaoyi met again that day, she suddenly had a new goal in life, but she accomplished it by dying: I want to ask him a word. Only then did I realize that the reason why I was still alive, from Guangdong to Shanghai and then to Beijing, so I dragged my life just because of him.To ask him a word. The words have not been exported, but the incense has been destroyed. When she jumped from the thirteenth floor, did she know that she was looking for death?

Is she determined to die in front of him, to complete his lifelong memory with her own life; or has she put life and death aside, just want to catch up with his footsteps, catch up with his car, and ask him a word? The car drove away, but he didn't stop for her.How can he? Even in the underworld, she did not forget him, refused to drink Mengpo soup, refused to cross the bridge of Naihe, year after year, wandering between Yin and Yang, just waiting for the annual ghost festival for seven days, so that she could come to the underworld. Find him and ask him a word. Mei Ying stood at the window on the thirteenth floor, and Xiao Wan stood on the top of the Great Wall.

Different times, the same wind and rain, love to the depths, how can it be a dead word? "I want to ask you something." But Xiaowan, apart from humiliation and despair, didn't even have a single problem.Unbearable so far, what is the purpose of death? Xiaowan smiled bitterly: "Meiying, forgive me for not being able to help you find the answer anymore, let me go to Huangquan to accompany you." She opened her arms and jumped—— "Xiao Wan!" Whose voice was it that pulled her hard, familiar yet unfamiliar.However, in a trance, I have seen another self, jumping down like a falling flower, and plummeting straight into the unknown depth.

"Xiaowan!" Another call, full of concern, sorrow, pity, and admiration. Turning around, there was a young man standing behind him, with a handsome face, worn-out denim jacket, and a familiar old guitar, it was A Tao! "A Tao? Is it you?" Xiao Wan was stunned, suspecting that she was dreaming, even suspecting that she was dead and her soul ascended to heaven.Is it true that in heaven, people can see everything they want to see? "It's me." A Tao leaped onto the city wall and sat down beside her, with the guitar lying between them. "I just returned to Beijing and wanted to go for a walk on the Great Wall, but I ran into you. What a coincidence."

"What a coincidence." Xiaowan looked at him obsessively, but still couldn't believe it was true, "How could it be such a coincidence?" "It's predestined." Atao also looked at her, seeing her for half a year, he was more handsome and more vicissitudes, "Xiaowan, long time no see, how are you?" "I'm not good." Xiao Wan's tears flowed down, "A Tao, I miss you very much." "I miss you too." A Tao lowered his head, with tears in his eyes, "Xiao Wan, you seem very unhappy." "I..." Xiaowan burst into tears, sobbing, telling all her thoughts, the painful and shameful thoughts were so heavy that she couldn't bear it, the pain was stronger than all dignity, and she couldn't care less about herself Keep a secret.

Atao listened intently, his eyes full of sympathy and understanding. After a long time, he said, "Xiao Wan, do you know how painful a man's heart will be when he has to reject the woman he loves?" "You mean, he, too, will be in pain?" "I believe he loves you deeply, but he may not be specific enough. He hurts you more than hurting himself. Moreover, this kind of hurt is his last resort." "But, he rejected me..." Xiao Wan lowered her head, unable to continue.Zhang Zhi was also right in saying that devotion made her feel ashamed.Not only then, but even now, it still makes her feel ashamed to recall the situation at that time.She shed tears again: "A Tao, my heart hurts, it hurts, you know? I can't believe that he is also such a person, he can reject me and not love me, but why does he humiliate me like this We used to be in love. Just a few days ago, he said he loved me, but when he turned around, he hurt me mercilessly. Is love so fragile? He made me no longer believe, There is still true love in this world, you won't understand that feeling..."

"I understand." Atao said gently, "Xiao Wan, I not only understand you, but I also understand Zhang Zhiye, I have loved before, and I am also a man, I think I can guess what he is thinking—no one He will not be moved by the body of the woman he loves, even the woman he once loved, unless he has some unavoidable reasons." Xiao Wan raised her head, looked at A Tao in puzzlement, and said hesitantly, "You mean - he doesn't want to hurt me?" A Tao sighed, and said again: "Xiao Wan, believe me: when a man has to reject the woman he loves, his heart will be more painful than yours."

"A Tao, would it be painful when you left me?" Xiaowan finally asked the question that had been in her heart for half a year, but she dared not ask it half a year ago. "I..." A Tao looked at Xiao Wan, and the deep affection in his eyes could be seen at a glance. Xiao Wan suddenly felt calm, no, there is no need to ask any more, this is a man who loves her deeply.Eyes can't lie, his eyes are full of love that can't be hidden. The world is not hopeless, at least there is one person who loves her deeply and cares about her. Sometimes, the coming and going of love is a strange and easy thing. Some people fall in love at first sight, while others fall in love at the first sight.Some people's feelings need to be cultivated for a long time, and some people wake up from a dream and have already changed their minds.Some people are still lingering on the previous life after death, and some people can turn around and make a difference.

Love has a limit, but the scale is different for everyone.Xiaowan's love for Zhang Zhiye reached the limit of her feelings at the moment when she decided to die. Once the thought of death receded, the love suddenly turned back.Compared with life, feelings are just a post after all, not a destination. Besides, she clearly saw a self jumping down just now—maybe, that was the young and fragile self in the past.And the self standing here is the hope of reason and rebirth. Shui Xiaowan is not Ruo Meiying, she doesn't want to go to heaven and earth with an unfulfilled wish, she still wants to stay in this world and wait for the rain to clear.

She looked at A Tao and said softly, "Don't worry, I will be fine." When she returned home, Xiaowan was just silent. Seeing grandma, she was sincerely sorry that she couldn't bring back the box of ill-fated double-yellow mooncakes. However, without moon cakes, the Mid-Autumn Festival will be celebrated in the same way. Shui Rong is very interested, and suggested that Xiao Wan talk about his experience in Shanghai.Xiao Wan is not interested: "Shanghai has something to say, it is not the same as Beijing." "What's the matter?" My mother is like an ordinary city woman, and her eyebrows are beaming when she mentions Shanghai: "When I was young, I was just catching up with the TV series "Shanghai Beach". I was trembling, and I was talking to your dad about a partner at that time, because I watched "Shanghai Beach", I thought your dad was not pleasing to the eye, no matter how he dressed, he didn't look like Xu Wenqiang, after thinking about it, I decided to buy him a set A suit and a tie, at least he looks a bit similar, but it's a pity that he refuses to wear a top hat..."

Shui Rong laughed loudly, and asked grandma: "Mom lived in Shanghai, tell me." Ever since grandma answered a reporter's question, she talked about the old things as if she was speaking to the public. She sighed with emotion: "Shanghai, the city of romance, the city of Zhou Xuan and Ruan Lingyu with golden voices..." Xiaowan suddenly felt emotional, and couldn't help interjecting: "Ruan Lingyu committed suicide. People said that the reporter killed her, and some scolded Zhang Damin and Tang Jishan, but I think the person who killed her was Cai Chusheng." Shui Rong looked at her daughter thoughtfully, but didn't speak. Xiao Wan looked at the moon and continued: "Watching the movie "Ruan Lingyu", I saw that she was betrayed by Zhang Damin and disappointed with Tang Jishan, so I asked Cai Chusheng to take her away for a while, and I felt sore. It was Cai Chusheng who asked her to act in " "New Women", let her be surrounded by reporters, trapped in fear of people, watched her fall into the abyss, but refused to save her. He killed her twice, once in the film, once in reality..." Tears flow down, she is not a girl who likes to shed tears in public, only when telling other people's stories can she shed her own tears quietly. "He shouldn't have let her play "New Women". The fate of people is sometimes repeated..." It's like Ruo Meiying repeated Zhang Qiannv, and she repeated Ruo Meiying. The mother was surprised: "Wan'er, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" Shui Rong noticed something, but he was afraid of hurting his daughter's face, so he just covered it up: "After all, she is a little girl, she is sentimental. This is called 'listening to storytelling and crying for the ancients', our precious daughter is sensitive and sad, shouldn't Dry clothes, you should become an actor." The doorbell rang, and my mother answered the door, calling out, "Wan'er, your friend." Xiao Wan came out with a cold face: "This is Miss Vivienne, she is not my friend, she belongs to Zhang Zhiye." The mother looked suspiciously at her daughter and then at the uninvited guest in gorgeous clothes, and asked, "Shall we eat mooncakes together?" Vivienne asked Xiaowan, "Shall we go for a walk together?" The moonlight is like water, quietly filling the streets, turning the city of Beijing into a clear river. Xiao Wan and Vivienne walked under the moonlight, as if they were close friends in a boudoir talking heart-to-heart, but the physical distance was clearly a gesture of rejection. Vivienne chuckled lightly: "You hate me?" "Why?" Xiao Wan looked at her with clear eyes without any impurity: "Did you feel sorry for me?" "If I return Zhang Zhiye to you..." Vivienne looked at Xiaowan and smiled evilly, "Will you thank me?" "Zhang Zhi is not yours either." "But he's mine now, and I snatched it back from you." "He's not mine either." Xiao Wan looked up at the moon, "It's mine, you won't take it away." "Do you want to make a bet?" Vivien challenged, unscrupulously, "I can return him to you, to see if you have the ability to keep him? Believe it or not, as long as I wave, he will still come back to me." Xiao Wan looked at Vivienne in surprise, wondering if this woman with bright make-up and gorgeous clothes had some brain problems. "Is this fun?" she asked. "You're making a game? What are you trying to prove?" Vivienne raised her eyebrows and smiled: "That's right, I just want to prove that I am more attractive than you. Do you want to bet? I will definitely win." "You don't have to use aggressive tactics against me. You are more attractive than me." Xiao Wan smiled faintly, "You have already won." "You admit defeat? Don't even dare to gamble?" "Yes, I have no guts, dare not bet, I admit defeat." Vivienne was surprised, her beautiful eyes with blue eyelids widened, and after a while, she asked again: "If Zhiye wants to come back to you by himself, do you want him?" "He doesn't want me anymore, doesn't he?" Xiaowan looked at her calmly, "He chose you. You won. What else?" Vivienne suddenly lost interest, she didn't expect the situation to be like this, she came to the door to visit her defeated general with all her strength, and wanted to tease this cat-mouthed mouse.She thought Xiaowan would cry, or scold her, or even fight.She is ready to face the war of a cat against a mouse.But this is a rat who has no attachments and has been poisoned beforehand. What can you do with her? She was a little bored, and felt that her labor-intensive performance before was a fuss, as if an actor sang hard enough to fill the audience, but no one applauded, and she kept calling the curtain to the empty hall.That feeling was worse than being coaxed off stage by the audience throwing rotten eggs. She stopped, and suddenly said without thinking: "The bar in Sanlitun is going to be demolished." The bar in Sanlitun is about to be demolished. At the same time, Zhang Zhi was drinking alone with Yue in the South Street bar. The guests in the bar are chatting earnestly, exchanging the latest news: you know?The bar here is going to be demolished. Zhang Zhi also felt dazed.It was as if I heard that my first love was about to be torn apart. First love has already become an ancient building in memory, all the details are bricks and tiles, but now it will be scraped away one by one. He poured down a glass of wine, thinking about his long and short romance with Vivienne. The two of them are neighbors, and they were husband and wife when they were very young. Of course, they were just playing house games at that time. He was the father and she was the mother, holding a doll as a daughter—sometimes a son. .Two people often quarrel because of the gender of the child, and their faces are red.But one thing is certain, whether it is a man or a woman, it must be the child of the two of them. Later, as they grew up, the play house game continued to spread, and they did what a young couple should do.The only difference from childhood is that they have no children. She was his first woman; he was her first man. But from the very beginning, they knew that neither would be the only one for each other, nor would it be the end.Because, they are people who love to play. Always quarrel, break up, get back together, quarrel again, break up, get back together... A full six years. If they are really husband and wife, it should be a long time for marriage. When they are in a good mood, they will go to the vegetable market hand in hand to buy vegetables, bargain with the hawkers, and then ask with a smile whether this kind of food is fried or mixed with cold dishes, just like a young couple living at home. They even went to have their wedding photos taken. It was a sunny afternoon, the two of them were nestling on the sofa watching TV, while discussing where to go to have fun today. It happened that there was a wedding scene on the TV, and Wei had a whim, saying why don't we take pictures, wedding photos. So I went there, holding a bouquet of flowers in a white wedding dress in a tuxedo, dancing like dragons and phoenixes, the love was extraordinary, the photographers and the people who were photographed were very serious, forgetting that all this was just a show.The make-up girl kept saying: "So many newcomers come in every day, you are the most suitable couple, which is enviable." Maybe she said this to every new couple who walked in, but they were still very happy. happy. At that moment, you may not have thought about the eternity. But Wei is not a person who is easy to stop, and soon she has a new goal, and a phone call can pull her away from him.He asked her: Why can't you stay for me?She replied: If you pay me 10,000 yuan a night, I will stay.He got angry and scolded: What is the difference between you and a whore?She laughed: The price tag is different.No prostitute can make as much as 10,000 yuan overnight. Bickering and sex, he is no match for Wei. Every time I hug her, I feel that what I hold tightly in my arms is a hedgehog. He gave her warmth, but he was covered in bruises. But when she was on the phone with her girlfriend, he heard her telling people vividly that he hit her. He was puzzled at first, but later learned that being abused by a sexual partner is also one of the labels of petty bourgeoisie, and the beautiful names are "cruel youth" and "growth scars". All their lives are filled in according to the format of the online series, without ego. He grew more and more weary every day. Finally they talked about breaking up for the hundred and first time. When saying goodbye, my heart is calm, because this is a real goodbye. When two people say goodbye, they both know that they will meet again soon and walk together again. But he met Shui Xiaowan. Shui Xiaowan made him think seriously this time that he wanted to say goodbye to Wei instead of goodbye. He wanted to start a new kind of love, clean, innocent, and grow old together. Unexpectedly, Vivienne would come back again. A relationship in the past, like a ghost lingering on him, came back to his body and couldn't get rid of it. It's not that he didn't think of evading or refusing, but he was not Wei's opponent in the end.There is not much reason to explain, he is just an ordinary man. He's just a man. How many men can be indifferent to old feelings and stay calm? He came to Shanghai to avoid her entanglement, but entangled with her again in the Shanghai hotel.When he hugged her body again, he knew that Xiao Wan was about to be lost. He had some doubts that Wei opened the false door on purpose in order for Shui Xiaowan to catch their sexual intercourse—but even if Xiaowan didn't catch that scene, he would break up with her because he could no longer be Her infatuation and innocence. When Xiao Wan stripped herself cleanly like an onion and stood in front of him, he really felt his own filth and baseness, his own cruelty and cruelty. He rejected Xiao Wan and hurt Xiao Wan, not because he didn't love her, nor because he couldn't bear it, but because he didn't dare. He dared not face such a pure body, and the pure humanity represented by that body.Her purity reflected the vulgarity in his bones, and made him dare not face himself face to face. Walking out of the hotel, he walked alone in the night of Shanghai, feeling exhausted and shrinking like never before.The night made him feel like a beast, a wounded beast, shot with a shotgun, and unable to find a corner to recuperate. The most vulnerable thing for girls is self-esteem, and the most vulnerable thing for men is self-confidence. While he hurt Xiaowan's self-esteem, Xiaowan also destroyed his self-confidence. He could no longer believe that he was a real man.His heart was filled with an inexplicable hatred towards Vivienne, and the outlet of this hatred was sex.As they rolled and moaned in bed, what he felt was the thrill of revenge and the destruction of corruption. For Vivienne, he stayed in Shanghai for an extra three days.During the day, when they went shopping, she asked him where he was going, and he casually said Nanjing Road. She laughed and said that only people from other places visit Nanjing Road, and real Shanghainese only visit Huaihai Road.That tone, as if she was from Shanghai.Walking on Huaihai Road, she is indeed more like a Shanghai girl than all Shanghainese, with a calm demeanor, shrewd and neat. Three days later, the morning they left Shanghai, she broke up again. He asked her: Do you really want to separate? She said: Think about it. Have you ever thought about it?He laughed, not particularly concerned. She also laughed: I still have to ask another person's opinion. Shui Xiaowan. That's right, I want to see if Shui Xiaowan wants you, if she wants you, I will; if she doesn't want you, I don't either. He felt tired, not because he had fallen prey to two women, but on the contrary, because he could not be the real prey, but only the spoils of war. It turns out that you chased me to Shanghai not for me, but for Shui Xiaowan. Both are right and neither is right.She smiled coquettishly and brushed her broken hair back. You forgot, I have always been yearning for Shanghai. He remembered, yes, she had said more than once that she was going to Shanghai.When she was holding a novel about Shanghai Baby or Anne Baby, she repeatedly said, Shanghai is such a decadent and beautiful city, I must go there once. I want to live like a baby.Taste booze, sex, brutal love, and the pleasure of depravity, she said. So he knew that her longing for Shanghai was like a bar on South Street, what she wanted was something to talk about. Now, Shanghai has already been there, and Sanlitun is about to be demolished.The vicissitudes of life are easy to flip, let alone a love?