Chapter 13 repeated fate

In love, is there a heavier blow than disappointment? Yes, that is cheating. Is there anything heavier than cheating? Yes, use it. Is it heavier than exploit? is contempt. Xiaowan stood in the center of the room like a god statue, everything was silent, but her eardrums were hit by an inaudible sound that made her painfully tear. The completely unexpected picture confuses all the colors and sounds in the world, but the two people on the bed are just calm. Xiaowan heard her own voice saying: "This is not true..." The voice was weak and ethereal, like a fairy tale that disappeared into the air as soon as it was spoken.

The woman on the bed sat up, smiled sweetly, put on her clothes in a leisurely manner, even took a picture in front of the mirror, and kissed Zhiye softly on the cheek: "Give you time, tell my little sister Be clear." That enchanting woman is called Vivienne. Xiaowan is familiar with her story—Zhang Zhi also mentioned it, Vivienne, this Chinese girl who forced people to call her English name, a standard petty bourgeoisie, but also a childhood sweetheart, a childhood sweetheart.I once took him to soak in bars on Sanlitun South Street.I like brand names.I like foreigners.like money.

Xiao Wan is also familiar with her face - blue eyelids, dark red lipstick, and a lively face.Zhang Zhi also took his family to watch the play, "The Drunken Concubine", there was a woman sitting next to him, with an intimate and flirtatious demeanor, that was her. And her voice is more familiar to Xiaowan——in the midnight phone ringing, the mysterious woman who lingered from Beijing to Shanghai warned her repeatedly: don't be with him. It turned out that "he" was Zhang Zhiye! And the "she" on the phone is not a female ghost, but a love rival! Dressed neatly, Vivienne walked out calmly, seeming to smile lightly, brushing against Xiaowan's shoulder.

However, Xiaowan has become a stone sculpture, unable to move, only shed tears. "Why?" She opened her mouth, only asking this one sentence. "I can't help it." Zhang Zhi also lowered his head, he couldn't explain it, but he had to explain it, "We grew up together, and we have had skin-to-skin relationships for a long time..." "But you told me you broke up with her." "The last time her parents came to Beijing with my parents, the two old people met, and we walked together again. I told her that I already had a girlfriend, but she didn't believe it, and said that I would go back to her. I kept hiding I followed her and came to Shanghai just to avoid her. I didn't expect that she would chase her to Shanghai..."

Zhang Zhi also raised his head, the embarrassment and pain on his face broke Xiao Wan's heart: "Xiao Wan, I'm just an ordinary man who can't stand the temptation, I'm not good enough for you, let's break up." "separate?" Xiaowan was stunned, and a voice in her heart screamed sharply: No!don't want! At this moment, more than any other moment, she knew that she loved Zhang Zhiye, so much that she could do anything for him. She has never been an active and enthusiastic girl, and she is not very good at expressing her feelings, but she loves him, just because he is her first boyfriend, the first person to kiss her, and the first person she believes The person, the first man who walked into her life.She loves him, she wants him, she can't live without him!

"No, yes, I don't want to break up with you. Do you really love her or me?" Xiao Wan cried. At this moment, she no longer cared about her self-esteem and reserve, and just wanted to do everything possible to keep him by her side and to keep her. He is in the heart. "That's right, tell me if I'm not as good as her, I'll change it." Or, is it because she doesn't understand style?Or, is she too serious?Or should she come back with experience? With tears running down her face, she unbuttoned the first button of her clothes and peeled off layers of clothes. If she peeled off a narcissus bud, she would open it, like a clam slowly spitting out pearls under the moonlight.

If love must be determined with complete dedication, she is willing. She loves him, if he cares about a girl's body more than her mind, if her fate with him must be maintained by flesh, she is willing. He wants her affection, she gives it to him; he wants her body, she gives it to him; he wants her life, she gives it to him; he wants her dignity, she gives it to him! As long as he wants, she is willing to give anything, without reservation! However, just when she made the decision to give up completely with tears in her eyes, when she endured shame and stripped herself completely, and stood in front of him like a newborn baby, he suddenly turned around, Said coldly: "Put on your clothes, don't do this."

"Yeah..." Xiaowan called softly, "If you like it, I am willing..." "But you're ashamed, aren't you?" he interrupted her. Xiaowan swallowed suddenly, yes, she felt ashamed.Not only shame, but pain.She lowered her head and let the tears fall on the tiles and among the clothes all over the floor. "You are crying, but you don't want to." Zhang Zhi also seemed to be a different person at this moment, no, not a person, but a devil. A knife pierced Xiaowan's heart, "You are crying. Because you don't want to give it to me at all! You are crying and undressing like a saint in distress. What emotions do I have? Do you think I want it very much? As long as I If you are willing, there will be ten or eight girls rushing forward to sacrifice themselves at any time. I don't believe that your skills are better than theirs!"

Xiao Wan was stunned. She had never heard such merciless and explicit insults. This kind of humiliation and injury was no longer something she could bear and endure at the age of nineteen.In her love dictionary, although there is devotion, there is no sexual intercourse, and her tone of voice completely describes the relationship between men and women as an action, a game, and a thoughtless indulgence.This made her act of undressing all the more absurd and unworthy. Tears flowed endlessly, the most vicious humiliation in the world - being so despised by the one you love is really worse than death.She didn't understand why she was still standing here, listening passively and helplessly to him scolding her, insulting her and despising her. In his eyes, was she really so cheap and worthless?

"Put on your clothes and don't catch a cold." He said again, without any warmth in his tone.After all, without looking back, he turned and left. He actually left. He actually left. He actually left. She stood there, naked and completely naked.Dignity and shame have turned to dust, and the blooming flowers of emotion have been trampled like mud, leaving no love and warmth behind. No tears, no sadness, her heart screamed dead at that moment, burned to ashes. Since then, I no longer know what love is. Is it a sin to love someone?Why was it exchanged for such complete humiliation and trampling?Why is the return of love actually hurt?

Her heart was completely broken, sitting among the piles of dresses on the floor, amidst such brilliant and noisy colors, she was an aged nineteen-year-old youth. Without turning on the lights, the moonlight flows in gently, flowing on the colorful clothes, soft and desolate. The weeping faces of Ruomeiying and Shui Xiaowan suddenly overlapped in the moonlight at the wrong time. sixty years ago.July thirteenth. The same hotel, the same room, the same moonlight dusk, the same infatuated woman—— Candlelight flickered and the brocade was heavily scented. Ruo Meiying personally picked five-color petals and sprinkled them all over the bed. She unfolded the sheets on which the mandarin ducks played in the water, flattened the embroidered pillow on which the butterflies wore flowers, carefully painted her eyebrows and painted her lips. She licked and licked, looked and looked, put her hands on her shoulders, thinking about the tenderness of that person, glanced at the mirror with a wink, her cheeks were already burned with shame. Wait a minute, I will be his bride in a moment, her beauty, her youth, her charm, her style, she will never waste her time, all of them will be implemented in the eyes of lovers, and become each other's bride. best memories. She hugged herself, took pity on herself, and sang softly: "I have pity on you, you are as beautiful as a flower, time flies like water..." He only sang this sentence and stopped suddenly.No, no, I'm not the same as Du Liniang, her flowery and beautiful family has been abandoned, but I want to marry Zhang Lang. Let's change it to a song "Cui Yingying Waiting for the Moon and the West Chamber": "The fall of red is in formation, the wind is blowing thousands of points, and people are worried. The pond is dreaming, and the fence is saying spring; the butterfly powder is lightly stained with flying catkins and snow, and the fragrance of swallow mud provokes the falling flowers and dust; the mood of spring is short and the willows are long, and the flowers are far away. The end of the world is near. The fragrance dissipates the golden powder of the Six Dynasties, and clears away the spirit of the Three Chus..." The sound of the wind passed through the hall, and when the door slammed, she turned around abruptly, and asked softly, "Who is walking around, dare to ask if it is Zhang Sheng outside the door?" Before he could answer, he had already laughed, admiring the playfulness to himself.Cui Yingying was waiting for Zhang Junrui, and Ruomeiying was waiting for Zhang Chaotian—aren't they all Zhang Sheng? However, the person who came was not Zhang Sheng, but just an exaggeration. The sound of the wind blows the willows in front of the hall and knocks on the window, as if urging: Mei Ying open the door, Mei Ying open the door. The door opened again and again, only to fail. Zhang Sheng did not come.Zhang Sheng did not come.Zhang Sheng did not come. And the sky was getting brighter. The candle has been burned out, leaving a pool of candle tears on the table.The petals on the bed were withered, rust-colored, and smelled of rot.The butterflies and flowers on the pillow are all pale.Even the mandarin ducks on the glass windows are tired. In the huge flower-filled embroidery room, there is one word written all over the place: empty. Infatuation is empty, waiting is empty, lovesickness is empty, and vows are empty. He actually betrayed her! He bears her, he bears her, he bears her.He bears her... Zhang Junrui defeated Cui Yingying, Xu Xian defeated Bai Su Niang, Li Jia defeated Du Shiniang, Zhang Chaotian defeated Ruomeiying, and Zhang Zhiye defeated Shui Xiaowan! Xiaowan sat among the clothes scattered on the floor, forgetting even to cry. She saw it! She clearly saw everything that happened here that year.This is the Xinglong Hotel, the "new house", the Jedi, the tomb, and the haunted mansion where Ruomeiying wore a wedding dress and a pillowcase and waited for Zhang Chaotian for a long time! She clearly saw Ruo Meiying's infatuation, Ruo Meiying's sadness, and even Ruo Meiying's despair. She and "she" are both women who have been let down by love, and souls who have been hurt by their lovers.In this world, their yin and yang correspond to each other, and their hearts are connected, but that little understanding of each other will only make the heartbroken heart colder. If Meiying can't wait for Zhang Chaotian, she wears Fengguanxiapei and goes on stage; and Shui Xiaowan bids farewell to Zhang Zhiye, where should she go? She slowly put back her clothes one by one, as if carrying layers of shame and shackles on her body.On the ground, there was a box of egg yolk mooncakes that fell down and was stepped on by Zhang Zhiye... When it came, there was a gentle breeze, swallows flew together, and when it went, it rained heavily, and the birds were cut off. Tears flowed endlessly on the glass windows of the train, and the hearts of heaven and earth wept together. The person on the upper bunk is snoozing, the child on the other bed is crying, some people are complaining dissatisfiedly, the lights passing by outside the window are like will-o’-the-wisps, the shadows are stretched long, the sound of rattling, like the pendulum of life An impatient urging—a person's life is really too long. Xiaowan closed her eyes and listened to the station announcements. She was not awake, but she never fell asleep.There was always a chirping sound in her ears, like countless ghosts haunting her, surrounding her, begging her.They were very dissatisfied with her idleness, and were anxious to wake her up to hear their heart-songs.And the most prominent of those voices is still Meiying's confide over and over again: "I waited for him, I waited all night and day, I waited for him, but he didn't come, leaving me to the cold world and the brutal warlord, He failed me, failed me..." Xiaowan didn't go home, but took a taxi to the Great Wall. Don't understand why this is done.She just didn't want to go home, she was ashamed to go home. It is raining. Xiaowan walked in the rain, not knowing where she was going. The world has come to an end, and the road has also come to an end. She doesn't know where else she can accommodate her scarred and unclean heart. She loves him so much that she is willing to accommodate him recklessly and dedicate herself to him completely.However, he doesn't care.So her sacrifice seemed so ridiculous and shameful.If he didn't want her body, it would be like stripping her self-esteem, tearing off all her arrogance and belief in love and throwing them on the ground, and trampled her to pieces. She has nothing left, no love, no shame, no self-confidence, and no purpose in life. For a nineteen-year-old girl, love is all she has, and while taking away her love, it also shattered her self-esteem and her expectations for the future.What courage does she have to live? Xiao Wan climbed up the city wall and poured the unclean body in the heavy rain.With open arms, facing the wind, the thought of death surged up like waves: Do you want it?Do you want to just jump down and die where Meng Jiangnu cried for her husband? I don't know if Meng Jiangnv was reunited with her husband?I wonder if her husband has changed his mind after such a long time?Do you know how powerful a woman's tears are?I don't know who in the world would care about my tears? She walked along the top of the city, singing loudly: "It means that you are unkind and unworthy. You originally won the official position. You kowtowed directly at the Danchi, won the imperial seal, and exchanged for white clothes. Compared with the sun, when you parted, you have more heroic spirit of three thousand feet and five tombs. ..." Changge should be crying, even lightning and thunder are crying for her.Is the person who sang loudly Zhang Qiannv, Ruo Meiying, or Shui Xiaowan? Someone faintly called in the wind: "Xiao Wan! Come on, come on!" It's that female ghost, it's Ruo Meiying.She is looking for a substitute, so that she can be like her, and become a new ghost in the city of death because of the loss of love. If Meiying and Zhang Chaotian, Shui Xiaowan and Zhang Zhiye, what kind of account, what kind of calamity? Xiaowan closed her eyes, unwilling to think about the cruelest scene she saw in the Hailan Hotel last night, which happened in the Xinglong Hotel sixty years ago... July fourteenth. The ghost show is over. The night comes the same way, the moon sets and the stars sink, and the flowers are already dead. Ruo Meiying led the commander to the hotel, and stayed in the room she reserved. A petal-strewn marriage bed awaits, a girl gives herself to a man to become a woman. Like, she had expected. However, the people around him are no longer the ones who were waiting for them. The petals groaned and shattered under the body, and the fragrance was sold out. The girl's first red and the juice of the petals dyed the bed sheets red, dotted with shocking words of shame and grief. She bit her lip, endured the blows and the knife was lingering, her soul had already flown for nine days, coldly looking down at herself in the flower bed, being cut, humiliated, possessed and destroyed bit by bit. Men are beasts.The woman is a ghost—she has been transformed into a ghost while she was alive. The blood from the corner of his lips swallowed into his mouth.is fishy.Fishy and spicy. She has nothing left.A lost love completely destroyed her. ——At that moment, she had already decided to take revenge.Shattered to pieces, will not move until death! Xiaowan stood on the top of the wall, raised her face, let the rain and tears flow on her face, in the midst of lightning and thunder, she still heard Ruomeiying's shrill cry: "I want to ask you something, I want to ask you something ..." Loving someone and hating someone both require such great perseverance and perseverance, even breaking through the realm of life and death. As for Shui Xiaowan, she has no reason to love and no energy to hate. Holding her shoulders tightly, Xiao Wan still felt the bone-chilling cold.There is nothing greater than death in the heart, and what it gave her was not only the pain of losing her love, but also the destruction of her faith.Since then, she can no longer believe in love. However, for a nineteen-year-old life, if there is no love, what is the meaning? She is not even as good as Meiying's fate. Meiying's love is a mystery, but her love is a game, a deception. The rain was pouring down, and Mei Ying was still crying: I want to ask you something, I want to ask you something... She couldn't ask that question for her, anyway, just use your own life to be her company. In a trance, I heard the sound of gongs and drums, which seemed to be the rushing wind that urged the field.Under the city wall, there are countless red men and green women waving to her, as if shouting: Come down, come down! Xiao Wan opened her arms and jumped...