Chapter 10 The world is nothing but clients and whores

Night after night, I dream of the wind returning. ——Wearing a black windbreaker, smiling slightly, but there is a hint of confusion in his eyes.He is obviously old, but there is always a trace of childishness on his face, a kind of self-willedness, but when it turns red, it turns to ashes, and all the passion will turn into decadence in an instant. Every day we get along, I get to know him better. He is not a god, he is not perfect, and he cannot even be considered a good lover, but he is my love.When I longed for love the most, I only met him, and I was only used to his embrace and kisses.

He has only been here for seven days, but it seems that the entire Meizhou is covered with his traces. Walking in Baihuazhou, I would think of the way I walked hand in hand with him in the shadows of clothes and skirts to choose new clothes. I asked him if I wore one, and he said it looked good, and asked another one, or said it looked good, I pretended to be angry: "Why do you always say it's okay? There's no right idea." "You look good in anything." He smiled wickedly, then suddenly lowered his head and said, "You look better in nothing." Walking through the Post and Telecommunications Garden, seeing the statue of the old overseas Chinese, remembering that we swore to love each other forever under this statue, he said: "Let the old overseas Chinese be our witnesses, and he will hear everything we say."

"But he's a stone man." "That's good. That's called Haikushilan." Walking past the cinema, I looked at the newly posted posters, and remembered that he told me which new blockbuster movies had been released in Beijing recently, and vividly interpreted the highlights of the movies for me. That film is now showing in Meizhou. I have seen it. It is quite good, but not as exciting as he said. The wind blows, and always knows how to turn decay into magic. Not only that film, but also me, have been reborn through his golden stick. I said to Xiyan: "I can't imagine how I survived the past twenty years. There is no one in my life who can love, and no one really loves me. I have the cheek to go through so many years. I really admire myself enough. brave."

Xiyan didn't smile, and poured cold water hesitantly: "But how long will Feng love you? After all, he is someone else's husband." "So what? Husband or wife, it's just a title, just like I am his lover, they are all one of different relationships. The key is that he makes me happy, and the rest is not important. Twenty I didn’t even have it a year ago, so naturally I don’t care about him; even if I’m alive twenty years later, will I still be infatuated with it? I don’t think I will.” "But my father has loved the eldest lady all his life..." "But do you envy their kind of love?" I was afraid that Xiyan would fall into her confusion again, so I quickly interrupted her, "Your father has loved the eldest lady all his life, and your mother has loved your father all his life, but are they happy? The most important thing is to love each other, two people, you love me, I love you, if you love today, let’s be happy today, if you don’t love tomorrow, forget about him, and love the next one. The worst thing is that one person has already loved It's over, the other one is still in love, asking for trouble."

"Can love love and love again?" "Why not? I told you about Professor He. If everyone stays the same, am I going to love that Professor He who is different and wants to change for the rest of his life?" "Of course not, but..." "No, but Qin Jin has already left. You should consider forgetting him. If you can't forget him, forget him." I looked at her, "Spring has passed, but the butterfly still refuses to fly away. Is it the spring's fault? Or the flowers? wrong?" Xiyan looked at me, stunned, and sighed softly after a long while: "It's my fault, but, at least there was such a spring when the flowers were in full bloom, right?"

Once the flowers bloomed, it was better than the four seasons of coldness. Xiyan and I were both butterflies who said goodbye to spring, with their wings folded, rotting in the rain and mud, dreaming of spring. During the period when Xiyan was hospitalized, Ah Jian had been visiting regularly, and each time he brought a rice cooker, which contained the soup he made himself. He faced her with an expression, as if he knew her just to accommodate her, take care of her, care about her, and spoil her. When she was crying for others, he just wanted to stay by her side and silently peel a pear to be satisfied.

There is no reason for one person to fall in love with another person. If you owe money, you can pay it back, but if you owe love? I kind of hope that Lin Xiyan can empathize, talk like a lotus flower, and say all kinds of good things: "Actually, Ah Jian is not bad, handsome, and treats you well. How rare is a man who is willing to cook soup for his girlfriend now. If he is not chasing you, I They all want to get him." "Well, let's say you go to the store to buy coffee, and you like Mocha, but it's out of stock, so Mandheling is the same. Although the taste is different, coffee is coffee, and you may get used to it after drinking it."

"The most important thing about happiness is not to find someone to love, but to let him love you more than you love him. That kind of love is guaranteed and easy enough." Xiyan just couldn't listen. "But he wasn't the one I expressed my liking early on." She was annoyed, "I don't want him to fall into it again, I'm afraid that one day he will hate me and blame me." "Qin Jin said the same thing." "What?" Xi Yan was stunned. I looked into her eyes and felt quite emotional: "Before Qin Jin left, I kept him and said you loved him, but he also said that he didn't want to hurt you."

Xiyan lowered her head, sat for a while, then lay down and turned around, pulling up the quilt to cover her head. I didn't speak anymore, I knew she was crying. The so-called love is tears and owes. Xi Yan's hand injury gradually healed and recovered well, but she would never be as flexible as before. Make a mistake in love once, and it will imprint you forever. I don't understand, everyone loves and is wrong and hurts, why Du Duxiyan is in so much pain. I have been mobilizing her to move to Lily Garden to live with me, but she was declined. I'm not happy: "Dirty?"

Both soft and hard, just ineffective.But on the eve of her discharge from the hospital, an accident suddenly made everything logical. ——From a call for help from Arong from Guangzhou. "Help me, Shelly, I know I'm sorry for you, but I have no one to turn to, no one can help me except you, you always have a way, you help me, help me, okay?" Compared with the girls in the small class in Bada Hutong, I have always looked down on those modern bold and unrestrained women who are chasing men proactively, and who can make her and her body undress and face each other with a glance, such as A Rong.

The girls in the small class are hand-pulled noodles. They have to go through various processes of beating, kneading, fermenting, and stretching before they can be mixed with customers. They are carefully carved and crafted like handicrafts. When they are hung up, they must first show their appearance, and then release them. Roll it in clear water, put it in a blue-and-white porcelain bowl, top it with chopped green onion, pour sesame oil, and shredded chicken. It must be full of color, fragrance, and color before serving it to the guests with a smile. Modern girls like Ah Rong prepare their own food bags, cook them by themselves, and even prepare their own paper bowls. They are disposable, torn off the package and poured with boiling water, soaked and eaten immediately, and discarded after use. The so-called "instant noodles" "It is really convenient and extremely cheap. If such a person is hurt by love, he deserves it.Fundamentally, for them, love has never been affection, but desire. But Xiyan insisted on helping her. We rushed to Guangzhou the next day, and in a small hotel, we found Ah Rong who was crying like a tear. "I came to Guangzhou to look for a boss..." Ah Rong was tear-stained, choked and out of breath, crying intermittently, "I found him, and he started to treat me very well, renting this room for me , took me to play around, and took me... took a lot of photos. But within a few days, he ignored me. I called him, but he didn't return. I went to his house to find him, and saw He was in bed with another woman... I was so angry that I grabbed the thermos bottle and threw it on him. He ran back to the hotel. The next day he came to me with a lot of gauze wrapped around him, and he asked me to pay him 50,000 yuan for medical expenses..." "Fifty thousand?" I sneered, "I see him with a big head, he wants to blackmail him!" "He just wants to blackmail!" Ah Rong cried even louder, "He said that I would not send him money after a week, so he would publish the photos and send them back to Xinjiang, to my parents... " "Those photos..." I somewhat guessed the crux. "Those photos..." A Rong was too ashamed to lift his head: "Yes... they are nude photos." "Nude photos?" Xi Yan was taken aback. Arong pulled Xiyan and burst into tears: "Shelly, you help me, you must help me! You are smart and knowledgeable, help me! Help me! My parents are people who want face, they I didn’t know that I was working in Guangzhou, and my relatives and friends didn’t know. I told them that I was working as a secretary in Guangzhou. If those photos were sent back to Xinjiang, my parents would lose face. Shelly, help me... " "I'll help you, I'll definitely help you." Xiyan patted Arong's back, "We came to Guangzhou just to help you. Don't cry, we can discuss it carefully, and we will definitely find a way." I looked at Xiyan, the kind and upright Xiyan, at this moment, she became a god again. But what I didn't expect was that the distance between gods and demons is only one step away. Xi Yan saved A Rong, but destroyed herself.When she acted like a savior to help others, the holy palace of love in her heart completely collapsed. Ah Rong's tragedy caused her to encounter the disillusionment of her ideal of love again. Although this time, she didn't mourn as much as when Qin Jin left Meizhou, but under her calm and mournful appearance, there was a deeper brokenness and abandonment—— —Give up love, give up ideals, and give up the principle of continuing to be a Joan of Arc. She went to Qin Jin's restaurant alone that afternoon, didn't enter the restaurant, and just stood on the opposite side of the road for the whole afternoon. Qin Jin is busy in the store, and the proprietress is his future bride. The behavior of the two of them is in Xi Yan's eyes, and they may not be very close. The naturalness of nature - only in this way, it is more indisputable. At that time, the distance between Xiyan and Qin Jin was only one street away, but her heart was completely far away, to the horizon. The next day we made an appointment with Gan Zai, Xi Yan's attitude was surprisingly calm and old-fashioned.She was also calm before, but it was like a spring breeze blowing on her face, gentle and light, but now she was cold, like autumn frost. "I'll send money for Ah Rong." She said flatly, "The amount is not enough, please delay for a few days." "How much is not enough?" Ganzai smiled and blew me a kiss, "Wenny beauty is here too, my godboy is really honorable." Then he sat down very close to Xiyan, "Judas, you are in 'Night Angel' 'Betrayed a few of my brothers, and now I come out to pretend to be Jesus, isn't it very enjoyable?" I watched Ganzai's performance with cold eyes, without saying a word. Xiyan sneered, "Judas is far inferior to Satan. You want people's souls and affections and force them to redeem them with money. I can't do this kind of business without capital." "Of course you can't do it. No one in ten thousand people is as chic and smart as I am." Gan Zai whistled proudly, and leaned closer to Xiyan, his voice was low, very affectionate and ambiguous He asked, "Shelly, you are a college student, who do you think is smarter between the two of us?" "Of course it's you." Xiyan said with a stern face, "Here is a thousand yuan, you don't want it, you don't want it, there is no more. Anyway, you are not the only one who gets rich, how about letting her go?" "A thousand dollars?" The boy called out strangely, "You think I'm a beggar? The wife I killed, Kaizi, should give me at least this amount. If you want to send me a thousand dollars, is it because you are falling out of love? Out of your mind?" "Have some virtue in your mouth." I interjected and asked curiously, "Boss, you charge 50,000 yuan for every horse? Isn't that a big deal? I thought I had enough capital, but it seems that I want to worship you as my teacher." "Wenny is a smart person, let's be each other, male robbers and female prostitutes, don't be too modest." Ganzai laughed mischievously, showing off his business experience incessantly, "Among those women, those who are rich and respectful, have For my husband, I need a little more; I am no longer a child, and I don’t take my reputation seriously, so I don’t have to eat this set. You can pay for 10,000 to 20,000, but if there is more, there is no business; sometimes the light is not adjusted properly when taking pictures. If you don't know the face of a person, it will cause trouble..." "Shut up!" Xiyan's expression changed, "That's enough, you're not human! If Ah Rong hadn't begged me so hard not to let me make the matter public, I would definitely sue you in court!" "Do you dare?!" Ganzai also changed his face, "Stop talking nonsense and collect money early! Do you believe it or not and then instigate me to send this stack of photos back to Xinjiang?" "Do you dare?!" Xi Yan's voice was colder than his, "Do you believe it or not? I'll take this tape to court if you do something evil again?" The tape recorder came, quickly took out the tape, and ordered the boy: "Give me the negative!" Ganzai's face changed drastically, after thinking for a while, he threw a paper bag resentfully, and said angrily, "Give me the tape." I checked the photos and negatives, and puffed on him: "Hey, you can go now." Ganzai took the tape thrown by Xiyan, pulled out the film, threw it on the ground and stomped it, grinning grinningly: "Haha, I thought you were so smart, that's all. Can you guess it?" How many sets of photos do I have at home?" "I can't guess." I laughed, opened my handbag and took out a miniature tape recorder, then lifted the bed sheet casually, there was still a tape recorder underneath, I looked at him, and smiled teasingly, "Boss, can you guess it?" How many tape recorders do I have in this room? Also, can you guess where my camera is located?" Gan Zai was completely defeated and screamed wildly: "You lied to me! Your partners are fooling me!" "Get out!" Xi Yan opened the door, scorning him unceremoniously like scolding a dog, "Now, get out of here, remember, we have people who have evidence, seduction and blackmail, the crime is not small, I can send you to jail at any time!" This battle was won cleanly and beautifully, Ah Rong just didn't kneel down to us, and I am also satisfied.But there was no joy on Xi Yan's face, instead she was in a trance, thoughtful, as if she had lost some of the most precious things. She was silent throughout the afternoon, until before going to bed, she suddenly asked me a word: "Wuxin, is it true that people in the world are just like your grandma said--they are nothing but clients and prostitutes?" I suddenly froze. Xiyan didn't look for Qin Jin again, and she didn't even mention him a word. This time, she really decided to forget Qin Jin. On the contrary, I couldn't resist asking Qin Jin to meet at the bar the night before I left Guangzhou, and asked him: "Xiyan is in the hotel right now, and we're going back to Meizhou tomorrow morning, do you have anything else to say to her?" "I have a lot to say, but I don't have the opportunity or qualification to say it anymore." Qin Jin looked at me, "Wenny, I will hold a wedding at the beginning of next month." "You..." I choked, I felt my heart pounding, the pain was so painful that I burst into tears, and my stomach suddenly felt uncomfortable. "I have already contacted the old abbot of the Pankeng Temple. He will soon return to Meizhou. You can take Xiyan to the temple again at the end of next month, but don't let her know in advance. Try to arrange it as a coincidence." Qin Jin lowered his head, "This is the last thing I will do for Xiyan, and it is the only thing I can do for her." "You..." Before the words came out, I covered my mouth abruptly and went straight to the bathroom. My stomach was indescribably uncomfortable, but I just couldn’t vomit. Looking at the haggard face in the mirror, I was a little worried. My body is the capital of the revolution. On the plane back to Meizhou, I still vomited, very badly and embarrassed.During the 40-minute flight, I stayed in the bathroom for almost half an hour. Xiyan was very anxious, running in and out to ask for drinks, tissues, and airsickness medicine for me.As soon as I got off the plane, they escorted me to the hospital. Along the way, I guessed various possibilities, from the lightest airsickness to the scariest stomach cancer, but when the test results came out, it was one that I couldn't think of at all—I was pregnant. "Pregnant?" Xiyan was a little dazed, "Is it that person's?" "It's the wind. It must be the child of the wind." I was a little confused for a moment, "I have a child of the wind, the crystallization of our love." "You intend to have this child?" "Of course. This is Feng's child. Feng is his father and I am his mother. Whether he is a boy or a girl, I have already thought about it. I want to name him Fengyun." "Have you even thought about the name?" Xiyan hugged her head, "Wait a minute, wait a moment, Wuxin, think about it clearly, when this child is born, you will be an unmarried mother. Do you want to discuss it with others first?" ?” I sent Feng a long Yimeier that night. Did not call him on QQ.For some unknown reason, instinctively, I didn't want to tell him the news "in person", but hoped that he would calm down after reading the letter, think clearly, and then we could talk again. Xi Yan was very worried: "He is already the father of a son, will he accept this child? If he doesn't accept it, what will you do?" "Then I will give birth to him and raise him by myself. I will be the mother and you will be the father." I teased her, "You seem to be more nervous than me. What's the big deal, it's just pregnancy, it's not like the sky is falling .” For the sake of my pregnancy, Xiyan still moved into the Lily Garden—how can a pregnant woman live alone?This reason surpassed all eloquence, defeated her cleanliness and principles, and obediently entered Baihualou as a nanny. Walking into the living room of the villa, seeing the snow-white walls, brocade sofa and pine wood floor, she opened her mouth wide: "It's so open and clear, it's not like Boss Gao's taste." "It can't be hidden from your eyes, it's my design." "No wonder so many women yearn for something for nothing." She shook her head, and suddenly saw Zhuangzi's painting screen, and shouted again: "This is also a gift from Gao Sheng? If it is fake to please my girlfriend, I don't know what is real." "That's why matter and emotion are always inseparable." I was also quite confused, "Although sentient beings are full of water, but when it comes time to eat food, there is no time to escape. How can there be time to talk about feelings?" "That's true." Xi Yan threw herself heavily on the couch, slightly raised one hand, and softly said, "Ah Yun, bring the wine." I laughed: "The voice alone is not enough to taste, and it has to match the slight movement of the waist and limbs, and the eyes are like silk." "It's really hard work." Xiyan burst out laughing, and sat down dignified again, "This kind of ability is also a talent, right?" "There are also those who cultivated the Tao the day after tomorrow, but there are few who become immortals, and most of them will still be called little goblins." "So women still have to fight for themselves..." Before she finished speaking, I had already signaled to stop: "Stop! Put away this set of speeches. On my territory, you must follow my rules and change your mind and start a new life. This is Pansidong. I want to train you how to become a master." .” Today, Xiyan and I can finally have this kind of friendship, laughing and cursing without any taboos. Finally know that friends are better than enemies after all. A woman who is loved by a man can only prove that she is a woman, and a woman who is loved by a woman can only truly feel that she is a complete person. The other half of a woman is still a woman after all. One day I said to her: "Do you know that I have always regarded you as my opponent before?" "I know. But I have always regarded you as a friend." She smiled penetratingly, "A person who takes the initiative to treat others as an enemy is because she desires to get close to this person in a certain way in her heart. She adopts it because she is afraid of being rejected. A desperate offensive that is also a defensive." I am defeated. Defeated willingly. It never occurred to me that my first real friend in Meizhou would be Lin Xiyan, whom I had always regarded as an enemy. I used to think that one of us is the South Pole and the other is the North Pole, but now I understand that the two hemispheres are complete when they meet. Xiyan and I are the other half of each other. Xiyan's girlhood was very quiet, unlike me, although there were two mothers and daughters, there was no sign of being dependent on each other, but it was full of collisions, edges and corners, like a cone in a bag, full of dangers. Xi Yan is not, she is the kind of well-behaved standard daughter, docile, gentle, loving quiet, goes to and from school on time, her homework is not very good but she can cope with it, she will help her mother with housework in her spare time, she has already established a family at a young age, Quite assertive.Under the surface of the indifferent boudoir life, there are persevering waiting and steadfast thinking.If there are any shortcomings in her character, it is that she is too strong and self-disciplined, and lacks the softness that a girl should have. The relationship between my mother and I is more like sisters than mother and daughter, but Xiyan is just the opposite, mother is not like mother and grandma.Her mother—the maid Xiaohong back then was a hard-working woman who came all the way from the old society. She retired early, got old early, and became discouraged about life early, but she was still waiting, waiting for her daughter to grow up. Wait for her husband to come back—if she doesn't come back, wait until her daughter grows up to find him. Because of her precocity, Xiyan's relationship with her classmates in school is not much different from that of her dancers in "Night Angel". She is relied on and even used but not really accepted. She has never been one of them. But deep down in her heart, there are some very secret places, and she is quite childish and innocent, far less sophisticated than her peers.In her heart, she is still a teenage girl, sitting alone on a small bench watching the sun go down, waiting for her father to come home, waiting hopelessly and helplessly Oh, the clouds are flying and the rain is passing, where is the answer? ? The more I know about Xi Yan, the more I have a deep pity for her, an indescribable pain of intimacy.It seems that she is a compatriot and sister of mine who has been lost for many years and has been found after thousands of miles. I don't know how to make up for her loneliness and wandering over the years. Like me, Xiyan has no friends even though she is almost perfect in kindness. But now there's me - angels and demons are perfect partners, or better put, twin sisters. "It turns out that angels and devils are equally lonely and have no friends, so they have to be friends by themselves." I laughed. In my free time, my grandma told me about the various punishments used by the bustards in Bada Hutong to punish young prostitutes. The most famous one is called cat's claw - tie up the prostitute, put on fat clothes and trousers, the sleeves and legs of the trousers are tied tightly, throw a cat in, and the rattan only greets the cat, this is called hitting the cat and not hitting people .The cat is in a hurry, jumping up and down, scratching and biting, it is the most cruel and unbearable personal torture. People who suffer this kind of punishment would rather die immediately than suffer another minute and a second, three vines Go on, no matter how stubborn the kiln sisters are, they will succumb—and some are more violent, biting their tongues on the spot to avoid torture. The girls in the kiln turned pale when they heard the word "cat's claw", and were more afraid than death.Fortunately, most of them just heard that it would not be carried out. Some girls have never seen the punishment, not to mention being punished for the rest of their lives.Because after the cat torture, although the girl's face was not hurt, her body was already terrible. The girl's body was the capital of the old bustard, so she was reluctant to do it easily.When I told Xiyan by the pillow, she laughed in shock: "The old bustard is also a real person?" Laughed so hard that I shed tears. Xi Yan is very interested in the stories of old brothels, and always asks me to tell more. So I told her in detail—— "The red girls in the Qingyin small class all have their own personal maids, who are dignified, agile, and eloquent. They are responsible for all the chores in the girl's room, sweeping the floor, cleaning the table, making the quilt and making the bed, serving the girl's meals and dressing, serving tea and dried fruits to the guests. Towels, when the girl delays for a while and refuses to meet the guests to talk with the guests, first create momentum for the girl and add atmosphere; when the girl is out, the maid has to carry the musical instrument cosmetic bag, and also drinks for the girl during the banquet; Sometimes the guests even insist on staying overnight in the brothel, but the girl is still a young prostitute, and if there are no guests in the room, the maid will stay with the guests for the night..." In the old days, when a bustard trained a red girl, she had to undergo vocational training first, which was about the same as going to college today. A teacher was invited to teach piano, chess, calligraphy and painting. The daily homework was quite heavy.Those with outstanding qualifications will be singled out to teach alone, which is almost the same as leading a graduate student. In addition to the ordinary homework, one or two unique skills must be added to make the guests haunt their dreams. The young prostitutes have completed their basic skills such as singing, playing the piano and dancing, and they are just qualified to meet customers, serve wine and play tea.I still live in a big house with a kang, so I can't have my own room to receive guests. While learning and practicing, while continuing to train the skills of makeup and dressing up and the etiquette of dealing with people, while formally studying how to charm the customer with a voice and a smile, the best way is to make him fall in love at first sight.Learning from time to time, every time she comes back from a game, the madam will call the girl to inquire about her performance and income today in detail, and help her summarize her experience.After two or three rounds, the client will not be able to be dedicated, and the prostitute will be ridiculed and helpless. At this point, the last thing is to learn bed kung fu, which is the last trick that can only be used if the guests are willing to spend a lot of money... Xi Yan blushed when she heard this, and often sighed: "It's really not easy to be a popular girl than a strong woman. A famous prostitute is like a famous flower, and it is also a kind of talent." He also said: "Being a famous prostitute is actually the most glorious achievement for a woman, isn't it? It requires not only natural beauty, but also all kinds of scheming and means acquired, plus the right time, place and people. It takes hundreds of years to achieve it." A star, like a clam's pearl, is the essence of sand and waves." "Compared to famous prostitutes, ordinary housewives are like grains of sand in the ocean. They never saw any glory during their lifetime, and they are instantly forgotten by the world after death. How can you live happily? Why should you die? It's a waste of time to come to this world. " "If I could choose my fate again, I would rather be a courtesan—" "You're the only real angel in 'Night Angel'!" I couldn't help interrupting her, "Don't tell me your dream is to be a prostitute too." "Of course. Why not?" Xi Yan sneered, "I feel more and more that your grandma's words are really good: people in the world are nothing but clients and prostitutes." "But you are not, your father is not, your mother is not, the eldest lady is not, Qin Jin and A Jian are not, and the relationship between me and Feng is not! These feelings, whether love or not, deep or shallow, at least It's very innocent, it's not about clients and prostitutes, it's not about buying and selling." "But who knows?" Xi Yan still had a ghostly sneer at the corner of her mouth, "Doesn't love mean that one person owes another person a debt?" "Xiyan, what do you want to say?" "Do you yearn for an infatuation like my mother's?" She challenged, "But as I said earlier, my idol is your mother, Yunxiu." "Don't mention my mother to me!" "Why not?" she asked again, "You told me that your mother said that she wanted to be a good wife to a man but was unsuccessful, so she wanted to be a mistress to everyone in the world. I think she was right , did the right thing, at least, the facts have proved that she is successful, she is my idol! I have seen it in newspapers and TV since I was in middle school, touched and admired the idol!" I looked at Xiyan in amazement, this accent sounded so unfamiliar, speaking black and white upside down, pretending to be profound, justifying it, who is the usual trick? "Xi Yan, you have changed." I kept looking into Xiyan's eyes, there was a little fairy dancing there - it was my projection.