Chapter 5 butterfly tears

Tianchi's memory recovered day by day, but she gradually became weird, as if she had gone through the wrong time tunnel, returned to a certain time and space in the past, and became another Tianchi. For example, one day, she suddenly remembered the fact that she was an orphan, she burst into tears for a moment, grabbed Chen'er's hand and said: "Chen'er, I want to have parents, I want to have a family, I have never lived a day. A normal child's life, not now, nor before..." Nagging, babbling, no matter how much Ren Chen'er comforted her, she kept crying, and kept saying, "If I had a choice, I would rather not wake up; or, after waking up, I could really become another person. I don't want to be Ji Tianchi again. ..."

Chen'er was extremely surprised.Tianchi has always respected and loved herself, but now she actually said that she no longer wanted to be Ji Tianchi, so who would she want to be? Tianchi has his own answer: "I want to live the life of a normal child, like you, with a father, a mother, an older brother, and a husband." Chen'er couldn't help but laugh: "Then why don't you hurry up and get married and have children? Then you will not only have a family and a husband, but also children. You can have as many children as you want." Cheng Zhifang understood Chen'er's confusion very well, and patiently explained to her: "Do you think Tianchi is abnormal? Actually, it's normal. She just recovered from a serious illness, and many real memories and wrong impressions are fighting in her mind, and she can't tell the difference. Which ones are true and which ones are false, it's like a person taking several medicines at the same time, all kinds of medicines work together in the body, and they will produce side effects..."

"I understand." Chen'er suddenly realized, "It's like Linghu Chong in the movie, who was injected with stereotyped true qi by the Eight Immortals of Peach Valley at the same time. right?" "That's what it means." Cheng Zhifang smiled and shook his head, "It's just you who have these weird explanations." One day, when Chen'er got off work, she found Tianchi was dressing up, and Cheng Zhifang was standing behind Tianchi and gesturing to her. Tianchi dressed himself up like a little girl, and said to her in a very innocent and gentle tone: "Chen'er, today is the weekend, there is no class in the afternoon, can you accompany me to find brother Wu Zhou? Wu Zhou My brother is waiting for me."

Chen'er was sad.I remember when I was in college, Tianchi often ran to the gate of the factory where Wu Zhou worked on weekend afternoons and waited alone. He stood like a stone, plastic and wood sculpture all afternoon, just to see Wu Zhou's back from a distance. However, even at that time, Tianchi was far more mature and calm than ordinary girls. She would not pretend to be cute and smile so innocently, nor would she talk about the treasures in her heart so generously and openly in front of others. love. This is not the current Tianchi, or even the previous Tianchi.Chen'er didn't know this Tianchi.

But Cheng Zhifang immediately said very naturally: "That's right, it's not good to keep people waiting for a long time, Chen'er, you can go with Tianchi quickly. Tianchi is already dressed up, do you want to put on makeup?" "But we are students, so it's okay to wear heavy makeup?" Tianchi smiled lively, "Chen'er, do you think my lipstick is too thick?" On her lips is a kind of purple, coquettish, bright purple, Wu Zhou's favorite lipstick color. Chen'er suddenly felt palpitations.Tianchi said that Wu Zhou applied the purple Estee Lauder lipstick on her lips for the first time. Since then, she has been fascinated by this purple lipstick.Now, she put it on her lips again, and said openly that she was going to wait for Wu Zhou.

Wu Zhou, purple lipstick, she still remembered after all, remembered her waiting, remembered the most sincere love of her girlhood.So, does she remember those betrayals and sacrifices, sacrifices and patience?How much does she remember? At this moment, she regards herself as a female college student. Does this mean that her memory also stays in college?Chen'er, just her good classmate, good roommate, sharer of her love secret?How long will it take for her memory to go through all the lost years until today? Chen'er sighed, and looked back at Cheng Zhifang, who gave her an encouraging look.That is to say, the psychiatrist agrees that she uses the practice of reliving the past events to awaken past memories.Old Cheng said that as long as Tianchi is willing to remember on his own initiative, he might as well follow her to remember, and take advantage of the trend to inspire her to remember more.But as long as she doesn't want to mention it, she will never be forced to recall it.

That is to say, Tianchi is willing to remember this part of Wu Zhou's past? Chen'er took a purple hand-embroidered silk shawl and put it on Tianchi: "Okay, I'll go with you." But Tianchi hesitated: "Is the color of this shawl too old-fashioned? Will brother Wu Zhou like it? I think it's better to wear this rose silk scarf." Chen'er was even more surprised. Tianchi always liked cool-toned accessories. She insisted on wearing white clothes all year round. Occasionally, she would color them in pearl gray, brown, apricot, or dark purple. Why did she suddenly change her color now? Like a person?

She buried all her doubts in her heart, and said obediently: "Or, you can tie me." "Okay. Thank you, Chen'er." This is another surprise.In the past, Tianchi was stubborn and honest, high-minded and self-disciplined, never willing to borrow other people's things easily.Excessive low self-esteem due to excessive self-love is the most sensitive to these things that are given to each other.The bold and unrestrained Ji Tianchi in front of her is really not like the elder sister Ji in her mind.No wonder Dr. Cheng said that everyone has two sides, and they will go to the other extreme under different circumstances. Perhaps, this is the back side of the moon in Tianchi, right?

"Old Cheng, should we inform Wu Zhou to let him go there and show Tianchi?" While Tianchi was going to the porch to pick out shoes, Chen'er asked the psychiatrist for advice, "Otherwise, why should Tianchi wait?" "Look at the situation first. Tianchi is just immersed in her own memories now. There is a Wu Zhou in her mind, and she is also going on a spiritual date. On the surface, she is waiting for Wu Zhou. In fact, she is waiting for the buried The former self in the depths of her memory. If Wu Zhou is allowed to go and confuse the reality with the past, it may not be a good thing for her. So, just wait."

Chen'er looked at the back of Tianchi outside the door with pity, and sighed: "Sister Ji has become really powerful. When she first woke up, she was abnormally obedient and docile, and now she is abnormally lively and innocent. After a few days, I don't know what she will become again." What does it look like?" "It's just a matter of taking one step at a time." Cheng Zhifang responded, commanding on the spot: "You wait with Tianchi, and you have to tell me everything she says and does. I will go with you and hide aside to observe Hers. Let's see the situation, if Tianchi is just an accidental reflection, it's fine; if she continues this memory, we have to wait again, and we will decide whether to ask Wu Zhou to appear."

"Listen to you." Tianchi has been waiting for a long time under the shade of willows, as if it has been waiting for thousands of years. She said to herself, in the past, there was no such cold drink booth here, no such black iron and white flower twig tables and chairs, no ice cream and Coca-Cola, and she didn't have this spare money and leisure... before?Tianchi was taken aback.When was it before?the University?So what now?What time is it now?Reborn as a human? She looked around blankly, everything in front of her eyes seemed to have disappeared, tall buildings, cars like running water, all receded like a tide, leaving only a barren desert, as desolate as time, and in that boundless At the end of time, an ethereal voice shouted to her: "Tianchi, save me—" Yes, she was going to save her, without delay.So, she ran towards her, just like every night in the past two years, walking alone in ice armor and snow clothes, walking so hard and firmly. Then, she met someone, a man, whom she loved. "I'm going to save people, maybe I will die there. Will you follow me?" She said to him, "If I go, it will be difficult to come back alive; but if there are arrows shooting at you, I will definitely block you Front." Seeing the expectation in her eyes, he nodded, his eyes were soft, and his tone was calm: "I'll go with you, we'll die together." Her heart was churning, she stared at him for a while, and said without hesitation: "I love you. I am willing to die for you a thousand times." "I love you." Even in her dream, she knew clearly that this was the only time she confessed to him clearly.But this time, there has been a thousand years of silence and forbearance.From then on, she knew that loving him was worthwhile, and he responded to her love with actions. He is willing to die with her, what could make her more excited than this?They were walking hand in hand on the road to death, but their hearts were full of gratitude and love. In her dream she longed for love, a longing so strong that it filled her with the will to live again.The dream is hazy and sad, but the heart is so hot, like a moth to a flame.How could a person with such a fiery state of mind not wake up? So, she woke up and returned to reality from the ignorant wandering ghost dream. In reality, there is no lover who is willing to accompany her to die, but there is a friend who keeps turning on the lamp and waiting for her to wake up. . "Chen'er, thank you." She looked at Chen'er with the shock and sadness in her eyes. Seeing the expression on Tianchi's face, Chen'er immediately understood: "Sister Ji, do you remember?" Tianchi nodded and sighed softly: "Where did all the time go?" "I was eaten by Mengmo when I wasn't paying attention." Chen'er smiled, but there were tears in her eyes, "Sister Ji, how much do you remember?" "We don't need to wait for Wu Zhou anymore. I just remembered that brother Wu Zhou is married, and he went to England, so he won't appear here again." "No," Chen'er's voice choked up, "We are not waiting for Wu Zhou, but for the lost Ji Tianchi." Tianchi also woke up, yes, although she was not sure if the man in her dream was the Wu Zhou she had hoped for, but she knew clearly that the person she was going to save was actually herself, the one lost in the desert of time. The injured Ji Tianchi. She couldn't help standing up, and hugged Chen'er deeply. Cheng Zhifang hid across the road and watched Tianchi and Chen'er talking and laughing, his heart filled with tender sentimentality. If there were all girls in the world to choose from, he might be more willing to get close to Chen'er. She is delicate and lively, innocent but not naive, romantic but not blind. The most rare thing is that she has the ability to make others happy. Together, even if you don't speak, you can still be contaminated with the sunshine of youth. However, he loves Ji Tianchi.He can't say what's special about Tianchi, but he can point out more than ten shortcomings of her objectively and rationally with the professional eyes of a psychologist at any time, but what's the point?He still loves her and regards her as a unique and strange woman in the world, his nemesis. What can make a psychiatrist lose his mind?Except love. Only love. Cheng Zhifang clearly knew that he was in love, a person's love, commonly known as secret love, or unrequited love.Is unrequited love a disease? He used the reason of seeing a doctor to get close to Ji Tianchi, but only he himself knew that in fact, she was the medicine to save him. Cheng Zhifang almost felt sorry for himself. Suddenly, he saw Tianchi stood up and stopped a passing man from saying something, he couldn't help being surprised, the man was also tall and handsome, but it was not Wu Zhou.Could it be that Tianchi is insane and treats any man who passes by casually as someone in his dream?Regardless of self-pity, Cheng Zhifang came out from the hiding place and ran towards Tianchi, just in time to hear Tianchi saying to the man: "You are from Shanghai? Do you remember Zhong Wuyan?" A flash of sadness flashed across the man's face: "Of course I remember, she was my college classmate, she died in a car accident not long ago. Who are you?" Cheng Zhifang was even more surprised. It turned out that Tianchi didn't admit the wrong person, but it seemed that he met an old friend.However, that man did not know Tianchi.He suppressed his curiosity and listened to Tianchi's words. I only heard Tianchi say sadly, "Then do you know that Wuyan has always liked you silently?" "Did she tell you?" The handsome man became more and more distressed. "She never told me. But I guessed a little bit. I didn't guess a little bit until she died..." Cheng Zhifang and Chen'er both sighed, and said in their hearts at the same time: This is another story of unrequited love.Tianchi and that Zhong Wuyan have the same disease and pity each other.But, how did they know each other? Chen'er was particularly surprised, she and Tianchi have been inseparable for many years, knowing her is like knowing her right and left hands, their social circles completely overlap, but they have never heard of her knowing a Zhong Wuyan.Besides, Tianchi has lost his memory for so long, he can't remember his ex-husband, but he remembers Zhong Wuyan, and this Shanghai man who fell from the sky in front of him, thanks to how she recognized him. I only heard Tianchi seriously say to the man: "Wuyan has always wanted to confess to you, but you chose her as a good friend, and she couldn't speak because of low self-esteem... Burn some paper for her to pray for her, she will hear Yes. Her greatest wish is that you can know her heart. When she knows that you already know, her soul will be at peace." Her words were like tongue twisters, but the man understood very well, thanked Tianchi with red eyes and left.Chen'er and Cheng Zhifang were left behind, eager to ask questions: "Who is this man? He obviously doesn't know you, why do you know him? And who is Zhong Wuyan? Why don't I know this person? How much do you remember?" thing……" Tianchi raised his hand and surrendered: "Wait a minute, let me speak slowly, okay?" Both Chen'er and Cheng Zhifang smiled shyly, and they all quieted down, looking at Tianchi anxiously.Tianchi was tongue-tied again, as if he didn't know where to start, and after a while, he said slowly: "I don't know this person, nor do I know Zhong Wuyan..." "What?" Cheng Zhifang and Chen'er shouted together.But Cheng Zhifang immediately realized sensitively that there was a great medical miracle hidden here. He blushed with excitement, and he didn't dare to urge Tianchi. Instead, he comforted Chen'er, "Don't worry, let Tianchi speak slowly." Tianchi cast a grateful look at him, and really said slowly and with difficulty: "I don't know these two people, but since I woke up, my mind has been filled with some inexplicable memories, as if they belonged to someone else. Thoughts broke into my mind. Just now, the moment I saw that man, I suddenly remembered something, no, it should be said, I realized something, I have a feeling that there is a man named Zhong Wuyan Girl, she has a lot to say, let me say it for her. When I walked towards that man, I didn't think about it, it was an instinct, it was Zhong Wuyan who asked me to do it, she begged I, speak out my heart on her behalf and fulfill my wish..." Chen'er's eyes widened: "Oh my god, this is amazing! If I didn't know you so well, I would think I was listening to the Arabian Nights!" Cheng Zhifang was so nervous that he almost held his breath: "This is a remarkable psychological phenomenon, and it doesn't even belong to the psychological field - after Tianchi woke up from a deep sleep, while trying to find her own memory, she also collected other people's memories at the same time. , and other people's brainwaves are aligned, it's like when you are listening to the radio, the channel suddenly matches, and you listen to the information of other radio stations..." Chen'er interrupted him impatiently: "I don't want to listen to your lecture. In a word, Tianchi is not only herself now, but several people are hidden in her memory at the same time, isn't it? No wonder I think she is acting a little bit Abnormal. Maybe those performances belong to other people." Cheng Zhifang hadn't thought of this level yet. Hearing the words, he felt quite special, and couldn't help pondering: "It's not unreasonable to say this, but the memories of Tianchi flying from the sky are not all without reason. Zhong Wuyan's secret love and car accident are both It matches some of Tianchi's memories, and this is where their channels are connected. Therefore, while Tianchi is struggling to find his own memory, he will receive a lot of similar information, and he will have other people's thoughts. From a psychological point of view Generally speaking, it is a kind of psychological catering, which is to look for the fate or personality pattern of characters similar to yourself to confirm the sensory world. Einstein has already demonstrated that memory is a kind of information..." Chen'er became even more impatient: "Don't make long speeches citing classics and allusions. Do you first say whether this is a good thing or a bad thing?" "It's hard to say. If it continues like this, there will be two possibilities: one is that as Tianchi's memory recovers day by day, those memories that don't belong to her will gradually disappear, restoring a complete Ji Tianchi, this is not without precedent , some children will talk about some inexplicable people and things when they are just able to speak, as if they came to the world with the memories of their previous lives, but when they grow up and become sensible, they forget all those memories, so it is not a big deal. Strange, just let nature take its course; on the other hand, on the contrary, as Tianchi's memory recovers, other people's memories gradually become clear, so two or even several completely different people will exist in Tianchi's body and mind at the same time. Completely different behaviors and multiple personalities, this is a hot topic in the field of psychology, and many foreign psychiatrists are currently organizing seminars..." "In other words, it's schizophrenia?" Chen'er interrupted quickly. Cheng Zhifang was taken aback again, explaining "schizophrenia" in this way was also something he had never thought about before. This is really a major breakthrough in psychological topics.He rubbed his hands excitedly, with 10,000 thoughts spinning in his head, but fell silent for a while. Tianchi herself doesn't care about schizophrenia or multiple personalities. After this morning's tossing, her thoughts are very clear. Looking at Chen'er, she firmly asks: "Chen'er, can you take me to work? No matter whether the memory can Fully recovered, I am already a normal person, I can't always stay at home like a disabled person and wait for a disabled meal. This is as unfair to you as to myself." Chen'er almost wanted to applaud this sentence, not because the words themselves were so exciting, but because Tianchi's firm and self-respecting expression let her know that Sister Ji really came back. With tears and smiles in her eyes, she made a threatening grimace to Cheng Zhifang who was still in a daze, and announced, "Did you hear that? Sister Ji will go to work with me tomorrow. This time, whether you agree or not, we just That's fine. Do you understand?" Tianchi did not wait for Wu Zhou. Wu Zhou finally arrived at Tianchi.However, he didn't dare to meet her rashly. It was Tianchi who took the initiative to call to make an appointment. She proposed to see Uncle Wu and Aunt Wu, and thank them for taking care of her during her illness.She didn't mention Wu Zhou on the phone, and she didn't know that he had returned to China. Wu Zhou decided not to meet her, but he couldn't let himself not see her.He made an appointment with his parents, and they asked Tianchi to meet at the restaurant, and he pretended to be a diner at the next seat, and looked at her from a distance, as if he was a secret agent. However, when Tianchi walked into the restaurant, Wu Zhou almost never lost his composure and stood up, rushing over to hug her tightly.The yearning and longing for Tianchi was stronger than he imagined, and it was even more unstoppable.He looked at Cheng Zhifang who was by Tianchi's side, remembering the promise he made to him on the phone yesterday, and felt a gray coldness in his heart that the situation was over.No, he can't go forward, that would be unfair to Cheng Zhifang, and also unfair to his wife Pei Linglong who is far away in England.As early as three years ago, when he woke up, he had already made a choice - his choice was Linglong, and he had no chance to go back on his word. Four years ago, he fell into a long sleep because of a car accident. It was Tianchi who stood by his side day and night, accompanied him, took care of him, and called him until he woke up. However, he didn't know. He never knew Tianchi's silent infatuation, he didn't know how many tears she had shed for him, and he didn't even know what she did when he was asleep.When he woke up, his thoughts were stuck in the memory before the car accident, and in the memory of his upcoming wedding with Linglong. Everything in between was like a dream, and when he woke up from the dream, it disappeared without a trace. So, he used a wedding to reconnect the life before sleeping and after waking up, and Tianchi was a point beyond that straight line, and he had no choice but to be silent.If Tianchi hadn't followed in his footsteps and turned into a vegetable because of throwing himself into the sea after marrying and divorcing Lu Yue Lightning, maybe his parents would have concealed all this forever and kept him in the dark. He can't forget the sadness when he flew back from England that day and saw the Tianchi sleeping like a lotus again. On that day, Chen'er cried and handed him the unpublished love letter, saying that it was written by Tianchi before. his.That is not a line of words, it is like a flying knife, every knife pierced deeply into his heart, causing him unbearable pain.He never thought that there would be such a deep and persistent love in the world, but such love belonged to him.Especially when he knew that Lu Yue had impulsively canceled his marriage with Tianchi just because he discovered these love letters, he felt even more guilty. But what can he do to redeem himself?He is already married, should he end his marriage to compensate Tianchi?His mother told him that during his coma, Tianchi knelt by his bed every night and prayed, willing to replace him.Now, he also sincerely hopes that he can take Tianchi's place, grieve for her, and coma for her, as long as she can wake up. Did your prayers move God?Tianchi really woke up.After he created a miracle about the awakening of a vegetative person, Tianchi created a second miracle. Tianchi and him are almost like one person, doing the same thing and having the same fate. However, such two people cannot walk together, or even recognize each other when they meet. How can fate play tricks on people? From a distance, he heard Tianchi asking: "How is Brother Wu Zhou?" Mother Wu replied: "He is very good and misses you very much. He is so happy to hear that you woke up." Mother Wu said and shed tears. Wu Zhou also wanted to cry.He has never been a sentimental person, but facing the other half of his life, he can't be emotional. Legend has it that when God created man, man was originally yin and yang, but God feared that man's power would be too strong, so he split man into two halves.Therefore, everyone has been looking for and looking for his other half since he was born.However, since the two halves were not necessarily born at the same time and in the same place when they were born, very few people can find their other half; even if they do, they often cannot be together for one reason or another.Therefore, the power of man has never been greater than that of God. Wu Zhou believed that Tianchi was his half.However, he also cannot join her.This is God's will. God wanted to play tricks on them, so he turned them into vegetative states one after another and suffered all kinds of torture.If he insisted on being with her, who knew what God would do against them? He was fascinated by Tianchi, the little girl next door, his heart ached with her every move.Oh my god, he grew up watching her for more than ten years.In the past ten years, he has never cherished her, but today he knows what kind of pain it will be if he can never meet her again, or if he meets her but never recognizes her. Tianchi stood up, Tianchi was saying goodbye to his parents, Tianchi was about to leave, Tianchi had already gone out. Wu Zhou couldn't help himself, and followed closely like a marionette to the door.The waiter stopped him, but couldn't wake him up, nor could his parents' calls.He paid the bill in a daze, and staggered out the door as if he was sleepwalking. The pagoda trees on both sides of the road are in bloom, and there is a sweet smell in the air.Dalian is always in high spirits during the Sophora japonica season, which is the urban mood handed down from the age of hunger.Sophora japonica blooms, which means the end of hunger and the beginning of warmth. Wild children can eat and sleep in the open without starving or cold.Even today when there is plenty of food and clothing, the blooming of Sophora japonica is still a festival for Dalian people, because it is almost the only "wild vegetable" that modern urbanites can eat raw. The joy and warmth of being close to nature. Wu Zhou walks on the tree-lined road where Huaixiang floats, as if walking in a time tunnel leading to his boyhood, where memories of the past and real scenes emerge alternately.Ji Tianchi originally belonged to him, of course Ji Tianchi belonged to him, they walked hand in hand in the crowd, how could they accidentally get separated? He looked at Tianchi and Cheng Zhifang walking in front side by side in a daze, like a couple, and suddenly understood Tianchi's secret love for him in the past.It turned out that the greatest and painful thing was not Tianchi's selfless care for him for a whole year, but her silent love for ten years. Tianchi never confessed to him.But maybe, the unspoken love is the truest love. He wanted to make it up to her, he really wanted to make it up to her.He had lost her, and he had to find her back.Find it, hold her hand, and walk together in the fragrance of Sophora japonica, let the white Sophora japonica and the gentle sweet fragrance heal all the scars left by the years.In the past, she always painted purple lips for his long hair. In the future, he will choose the best cosmetics and the most colorful lipstick for her; After get off work, let her always see him at the first time she wishes; she used to read newspapers for her and push him for a walk when he was asleep, but he never knew that he would be with her from now on Do all the things she likes, walking, climbing, swimming, watching movies, as long as she is happy, he is willing to do anything for her. However, before pursuing and admiring, he must first have this qualification. To truly love someone is not asking and restraining, but giving without asking.True love, before speaking, is ready to sacrifice for the other. Wu Zhou made up his mind in this minute: divorce Linglong, and pursue Tianchi as a free body! If God wants to punish, please punish him first.A person may fall in love with more than one person in his life, but he cannot always love two people at the same time.And in his heart, indeed, there are two women: one is his wife, and the other is his grace and debt.He has struggled for too long, hesitated for too long, suffered for too long, and waited for too long. Now, it is time to make another choice and change. Although, even if he did all his homework, she might not accept him again; however, he has already made up his mind.Since in the first half of his life, Tianchi was always chasing after her along the path he walked; then in the days to come, let him run back to meet her hard. Perhaps, before the end of the world comes, they will finally have a moment of rendezvous.