Chapter 4 sleeping heart

Tianchi did not see Lu Yue. The reason still comes from Cheng Zhifang.Just when Lu Yue was dressed and ready to go out, he appeared in front of Lu's house in time, aborting the meeting plan that had been longed for for two years. He warned Chen'er in an almost threatening tone: "Stop messing around, if something happens to Tianchi, can you take the responsibility?" "Stop doing this!" Chen'er's dissatisfaction with Cheng Zhifang exploded at this moment, she couldn't bear it anymore, she just barely cursed, "What kind of status are you, meddling over and over again? I am the guardian of Tianchi!"

"If you care about Tianchi, you shouldn't let her take risks!" Cheng Zhifang still used his psychiatrist's unique hidden weapon and shot him, "Lu Yue was the root cause of Tianchi's throwing into the sea back then, and it is hard to guarantee that she will not become the cause of her illness. Fusuo, you can't take this risk!" "I'm not taking a risk, it's an experiment. Cheng Zhifang, you said that you want Tianchi to remember or forget it naturally, but now, you are not letting nature take its course at all, but artificially preventing her from remembering the past. You deliberately Preventing her from contacting the outside world, not letting her go out to work, not letting her meet Wu Zhou, and avoiding all places and people that can arouse her memory, is to make her live in forgetfulness forever. You are afraid, you are afraid that she will remember Wu Zhou Zhou, remember my brother, you are afraid that she will fall in love with them again and leave you. You are a coward, a coward, what kind of lover are you? Don't let anyone else in, do you want her to be imprisoned by you for the rest of her life and be a prisoner?"

"Lu Chen'er, what are you talking about?" Cheng Zhifang became annoyed, "Don't you think your wording is too much? I am her doctor, not some jailer. Tianchi is the person I love the most, and I love her more than anyone else." Care about her more, love her, will I harm her?" "I don't know if you are caring or not. I only know that your actions are quite selfish and unreasonable. You are a psychiatrist, so you should find a corner and ask yourself, you ask yourself, you do this , Is it more for Tianchi or more about yourself!" "Stop arguing!" Lu Yue suddenly yelled, hugging his head, and said sadly, "Stop arguing, I am the least qualified to speak here. Old Cheng, Chen'er, don't say anything Now, let God decide. If Tianchi wants to remember me, she will remember me again if she is sent to the Sahara Desert; lamp post."

lamp post?Chen'er suddenly remembered, "Brother, Tianchi said that there is a man who often came to our building to stand guard, is that man you?" "Tianchi said?" Lu Yue's eyes lit up, "Did Tianchi see me? Did she pay attention to me? Did she talk about me?" "It's really you?" Chen'er sighed, "Brother, I'm sorry for you." "Tell me, did Tianchi talk about me? What did she say?" "I didn't say anything." Chen'er looked at her brother apologetically, "She doesn't remember who you are."

Lu Yue gave up and stood up, staggering away.It has been two full years since Tianchi fell ill, and he would stand downstairs of Tianchi every day, looking up at the familiar window, his former new house.However, he dared not go up.He has no face to go.Tianchi woke up, he went to see her more frequently, but still only stood downstairs, he always hoped that Tianchi could see him and think of him. Now, he knew that Tianchi saw him, but she didn't remember it.She had already forgotten him, so completely, so simply.He, what reason does he have to keep pestering? Chen'er looked at her brother's back, her eyes gradually turned red, she turned to Doctor Cheng, and said helplessly, "You saw it? Even if Tianchi sees my brother, he won't remember him. What are you afraid of?"

Cheng Zhifang himself also felt hesitant. Is his protection of Tianchi and rejection of Lu Yue and Wu Zhou based on professional knowledge or personal prejudice?He didn't want Ji Tianchi to go into the crowd, was it for Tianchi, or for his own heart? Walking on the road, Chen'er's questioning rang in her ears over and over again: "You said that you would let Tianchi remember or forget naturally, but now, you are not letting nature take its course at all, but artificially preventing her from remembering. Remember the past. You are afraid, you are afraid that she will remember Wu Zhou, remember my brother, you are afraid that she will fall in love with them again and leave you. You are a coward, a coward, what kind of lover are you, you are a jailer! You hold The key to Tianchi's memory gate neither let her out nor let others in. Do you want her to be imprisoned by you for the rest of her life and be a prisoner? Ask yourself, what are you doing for Tianchi is more about yourself or yourself more!"

Cheng Zhifang couldn't answer. Of course, he can cite a hundred reasons and cite thousands of cases to tell Chen'er and everyone else that he did this to protect Tianchi; but for himself, he has no answer. He thought about Tianchi's erratic eyes, ever since she woke up, she had such eyes frequently, dazed, slightly melancholy, seemed to think of something, and seemed to be listening, listening to the voice from another world. Tianchi talked to him about ghosts in his dreams.She said that while she was in a coma, she met many ghosts who kept asking her for directions and inviting her to dance together, but she refused and kept walking.

Cheng Zhifang searched all the cases of vegetative awakening and ordinary people's "fake death" cases, but found no similar claims.It is not uncommon to see it in literary works: there is a legend in the Tang Dynasty in China "A Chinese Girl's Soul", it is said that a woman named Zhang Qianniang was seriously ill in bed, but Hun'er eloped away from her body and wandered around the world with her sweetheart for many years. He even gave birth to two sons, and only then did he think of going home to apologize to his parents.Unexpectedly, when he came to Zhang's mansion, the master refused to admit it, saying that his daughter had been bedridden at home and had never left her. I wonder if this is the earliest record of a vegetative state?

Coincidentally, there is also a lovesick scholar who fell in love with a rich lady. Knowing that Qi Dafei's dream is hard to come true, he dies of ambition, his soul leaves his body, and turns into a parrot to play with the lady; there is also a filial son who mourns his father To die prematurely is also to use the method of severing the body to make the soul go out of the body, chase into the underworld and call out to the king of Hades... But the souls of these people still have a clear will, and all they see are the people they want to follow. Who are those dancing girls in Tianchi's dream?What does it have to do with her?Why did you ask her to dance with you?If she agreed to their invitation, would she never wake up again?

Cheng Zhifang thought it was absurd, so he refrained from announcing Tianchi's dancing soul to the public.The lack of case citations will make Tianchi's statement more like a clumsy lie that is not shocking. But no matter what, Tianchi became more and more like a mystery to him, and it became more and more attractive.Long before Tianchi fell ill, he had fallen in love with her deeply, but at that time she was a friend's wife, which made Cheng Zhifang suppress his feelings, and only admired and respected her from a distance; The more he divorced and then fell into a coma, finally made him change his old forbearance, boldly confessed his love for Tianchi in public, and swore that he would wait for Tianchi to wake up.

During the two years of waiting for Tianchi to wake up, he read newspapers to Tianchi every day, chatted with her, fed her medicine, even washed her face and hands, and regarded her as his wife, whether she agreed or not— The comatose Tianchi has no ability to agree or deny. When one sees another as one's responsibility, it's hard not to see her as one's own.Cheng Zhifang is not delusional, but he has paid so much for her that he already regards her as a part of himself, how can he bear her to leave him and exist independently? Cheng Zhifang hugged his head, he suddenly realized a terrible question, a question that would scare him when he asked himself: Does he, doesn't want Tianchi to wake up? Tianchi sat in the cafe, ordered a cup of black mocha and sat there. She slipped out alone.Chen'er wasn't there, Cheng Zhifang wasn't here, Walnut also went shopping, the birds were chirping outside the window, the wind was sunny, Tianchi's heart was a little itchy, she thought she should go out for a walk, walk in the sun, walk among the crowd , to see more faces.So she came out. I came out, but I didn't know where I was going. When I saw the cafe, I walked in.She thought she should find a job and start from scratch.But what would she do?She thought that she was not only a patient, but also a waste, with no skills and nothing to do, how could she just confess her young life like this?She is only 27 years old. Could it be that she spent the next few decades lying in a hospital bed like this?And she is clearly no longer a patient, her limbs are sound, her mind is clear - she is slightly blank due to the loss of memory for several years, so it can't be considered unconscious, right? Last time, she and Chen'er mentioned going to work, but it was shelved because of Cheng Zhifang's objection.But, why do you need permission from the process side?Since when did she actually regard Cheng Zhifang as the master of her own life, and she respected him even a little bit?I should not be a person who is indecisive and lacks assertiveness.But what kind of person should I be? Tianchi faintly feels that in this time and space that has passed away, there used to be a completely different self, and that image is buried deep in his memory, ready to come out.However, she accidentally lost her, that other self, how should she find herself back? She has been awake for almost a month, and from morning till night, she has been waiting anxiously for Chen'er to get off work, and even forced the couple to separate.Xu Feng wasn't bothered, she felt bored too.She wants to make new friends. There is a young couple sitting in the deck behind, Qingqing me, you talk about me, love words are passed to Tianchi's ears from time to time, which makes her feel novel.She knew that she shouldn't eavesdrop on other people's love stories, but she couldn't help it.The frightening thing was that they clearly spoke Chinese, but she couldn't understand many nouns in the words, such as "MSN", "ID", "banzhu", and "blog".It seems that the girl and the boy are meeting for the first time today, but the two of them clearly know a lot about each other, and they are verifying each other one by one, and they will say "dizzy" if they say less than two sentences, or "reply", there are not many people in total. talk. Tianchi felt puzzled.In any case, she always felt that she was separated from this society, just like the screen behind her, she could hear other people's voices, but she couldn't walk among them.Instead, there was a girl on the opposite side who was crying without saying a word, but Tianchi seemed to hear her words, and she could hear them clearly - the girl was so sad because her sister had a cerebral hemorrhage, and after undergoing craniotomy, she became A vegetative state. Vegetative, isn't that the same as yourself? Tianchi couldn't help but walked over to the girl and said: "Don't worry, as long as you wait for her with your love, it's not that there is no hope of waking up." The girl looked up in surprise, her face was full of tears: "How do you know?" "I..." Tianchi was about to say, "I myself am a reawakened vegetable", but the girl had already asked: "Who are you? How do you know about my family?" Tianchi suddenly woke up, yes, she didn't know this girl, but how did she know all this?She startled the girl, and even more herself.What's going on? I can't understand what others are saying, and I can see what I can't hear. What's going on? She looked around begging for help, as if the answers were written on the walls on all sides, or as if she was suddenly asked by a teacher when she was a student, and she looked around for help from her classmates.Suddenly a familiar figure flashed outside the window, making her feel like a treasure, as if she had grasped the answer and hurriedly reported it to the teacher, she hurriedly said to the girl: "I'm sorry, I have a friend here." ——This "friend", but I really remember it, and I really recognize it. Walnut saw Lu Chen'er losing his temper for the first time. Walnut knew that Ms. Lu's temper was not good, because she often had quarrels with Brother Xu. Although they didn't quarrel in front of her, judging from their faces, it was obvious that they came after the quarrel.Sometimes, they didn't say a word during the whole dinner, they ate with sullen faces, and left with sullen faces.But she had never seen Chen'er really lose his temper, let alone thought that Chen'er would lose his temper with her. Chen'er was very, very angry, very, very severe, so that her whole face was flushed red.She didn't curse anyone, and of course she wouldn't hit anyone. She just threw a stack of money on the table in front of Walnut, and pointed at the door and told her sharply, "Go! Get out immediately!" Walnuts freaked out.She can't lose this job.Even if Chen'er promised to pay her an extra month's salary, she was unwilling to leave.She knew that after leaving Ji's house, it would be very difficult for her to find a better employer.Moreover, she has established a deep friendship with Ji Tianchi.She served her for half a year and watched her transform from a plant into a living person. Her affection for Tianchi was almost maternal.Tianchi was resurrected in front of her eyes, almost giving her life.She was reluctant to leave her.She had never felt so great, so needed.She has never done anything earth-shattering in her life, but she actually brought a vegetative person back to life. Those reporters and visitors came to the door one after another, praising enthusiastically and asking questions in amazement, which made her feel that she had participated in a great event. And thus he became a remarkable character.It was Tianchi that made her have this unprecedented sense of pride and self-confidence. Deep in her heart, she almost felt that Tianchi's life was given by her.How could she leave the life she had created with her own hands?Tianchi disappeared, she was also very anxious, even more anxious than Chen'er, but this is not a reason to drive her away.Moreover, she can't leave without knowing the whereabouts of Tianchi, in that case, she will never feel at ease. "I'm not going." Walnut twisted his neck stubbornly, and said firmly and in a low voice, "I didn't do anything wrong. I have to go out to buy vegetables at this time every day. How do I know Miss Ji will go out alone?" "Haven't you done anything wrong?" Chen'er's voice involuntarily raised her voice, "You're a rascal! You even reported to Cheng Zhifang, did you find out who paid you?" Only then did Walnut realize that the real reason for Chen'er's anger was not to run away from Tianchi, but because she revealed to Cheng Zhifang that Chen'er was going to introduce her boyfriend to Tianchi.Her head was lowered even lower, and her voice was even lower, but she still defended herself unconvinced: "He is a doctor, and he told me that Miss Ji should tell him no matter what she does." "Why tell him? He is your own father?" Chen'er was already a little bit at a loss for words. Xu Feng quickly pulled her back: "Forget it, don't be too angry. She is a child, of course she takes the doctor's words seriously, how does she know what is at stake. She also wants Tianchi's good, and she doesn't intend to betray us. " Walnut suddenly burst into tears.She endured it, but still shed tears.Because every word Xu Feng said went to her heart.How could she betray Lu Chen'er?Of course she knew that it was Chen'er who paid her salary, and she always regarded her as a good person, but Dr. Cheng was also a good person, and he was a doctor, so could she not believe what he said? When Chen'er saw that Walnut was crying, she lost her anger a bit. After thinking about it, she also felt that she was going too far.It just so happened that Tianchi came back at this time, and her attention also shifted accordingly. Tianchi and Cheng Zhifang entered the door together, which made Chen'er have to think that maybe they are really destined. Cheng Zhifang said beamingly: "When I came out of your house, I wanted to find a place to have a cup of coffee. Unexpectedly, Tianchi was already there. No, I 'picked' her back." Xu Feng also laughed: "Such a big living person, so easy to pick up, it seems that I should go out for a walk, maybe I can pick up something back." Chen'er was deeply disturbed because she got angry at people twice in a row today, and the two people she scolded were all in front of her eyes at the moment, so she deliberately wanted to create some excitement, so she suggested: "It's rare that everyone came back today without a problem." It's so early, why don't you play a game. Don't be too busy cooking for Walnut, let's go out and eat together later, I'll treat you." Xu Feng knew what she was thinking, and wanted to use this method to express his apology tactfully, so he also said along the way: "Yes, let's play a game." Cheng Zhifang also wished to take this opportunity to reconcile, Tianchi has always been everything, of course Walnut is more She had no right to object, and it was her honor to play with everyone, so they all agreed together and looked at Chen'er eagerly. Chen'er then explained the rules of the game in detail: she will be the judge, write four lottery tickets, three for passengers, one for killer, and give it to four people to draw.Don't tell others what you draw.Then Chen'er announced: The train left, it was dark, and everyone went to sleep.Everyone closes their eyes.The train passed through the tunnel. At this time, the person who got the killer opened his eyes and made a killing motion at a passenger, and this motion can only be seen by the judge.Then the judge announced: it was dawn, and a passenger was killed.So the three living people began to guess each other, who is the real killer.If the killer is found out, he will be punished; and if the killer gets away with it, then the person who died unjustly will be punished. After finishing the rules, Cheng Zhifang first laughed: "It's too unfair. It's reasonable for a killer to be punished. Punish evil and get rid of adultery; but it's too miserable to punish the dead. Unjust death is pitiful enough, but it's a shame to be punished." It doesn't make sense." Chen'er smiled: "There are many unreasonable things. It's a society where the weak are prey to the strong—obey the orders carefully, or you will be punished first." So Cheng Zhifang stopped talking.Chen'er began to issue signatures.It happened that Cheng Zhifang got the "killer", and he secretly complained and made trouble.Even though it was a game, I couldn't help but hesitate: Who should I kill?According to her original intention, she was the first to kill Chen'er first, so why would she scold herself?But Chen'er is a judge and cannot be killed; kill Tianchi?Of course I don’t want to, even if I’m playing games, I can’t kill the person I love the most; killing walnuts?A little nanny, why kill her?Killing people has to pay for their lives, and if they let themselves take their lives for a nanny, all these years of reading books will be in vain; it seems that the only way to kill Xu Feng is to say that although there is no fault, the appearance is disgusting. Cheng Zhifang suddenly felt emotional, he discovered the mystery of this game: it turns out that there is a killer hidden in everyone's heart, and he will sneak out to do evil at the right time.It's just that kind people will keep the killer under tight surveillance, and if he is released, he will become a villain.Looking at this game from a psychological point of view, it is actually very possible to understand human nature through the surface of the game. Thinking of this, Cheng Zhifang couldn't help feeling dazed.The judge was already urging: "Everyone sleep, the killer can act now. The train is passing through the tunnel now, it is a good opportunity to kill, the killer can act now! Killer, act quickly!" Cheng Zhifang was even more amused: What judge?Simply abetting crime.Quickly pointed to Xu Feng, still closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. Chen'er let out a long breath and announced: "It's dawn, everyone is awake." Everyone opened their eyes, waiting anxiously for her to announce who would die first.Before he could say anything, Chen'er started laughing: "Husband, you died so badly!" Everyone laughed together, Xu Feng fell down with an exaggerated scream, and everyone laughed even harder.Chen'er continued to host the game: "Now the three of you are criminal suspects, please start reasoning, prove your innocence, catch the real culprit, and avenge the dead." Walnut was the first to speak: "I didn't kill it." Chen'er smiled: "This is not good, you have to give a reason." Walnut said: "What reason? I didn't kill it. How could I kill Brother Xu? ?” Chen'er's heart moved, and before he could think about it, Cheng Zhifang had already said, "I suspect that Walnut killed her, because she was guilty of being a thief, and the thief shouted to catch the thief." Walnut was anxious: "I am not a thief, nor a murderer, I did not kill it." Xu Feng hurriedly comforted: "I'm just playing with you, don't take it seriously." Chen'er ordered: "Xu Feng, you are dead, don't speak." Xu Feng quickly shut up.Walnut was startled, and quickly looked back, as if afraid that Xu Feng would really become a dead person, which made everyone laugh again. Tianchi then said: "It wasn't Walnut who killed her, her acting skills weren't so good. I suspect that Cheng Zhifang killed her. He was so eager to correct Walnut just to divert everyone's attention, so he answered his words, thief shouted catch thief. Walnut clapped his hands: "That's right, it must be Dr. Cheng." So two votes to one, Chen'er announced: "Now everyone agrees that Cheng Zhifang is the murderer, Dr. Cheng, please show your cards." Cheng Zhifang showed his hole card helplessly, and sure enough, the word "murderer" was written on it.Xu Feng jumped up, grabbed Cheng Zhifang and shouted: "So you killed me, give me my head back!" Everyone laughed, and then discussed about the penalty schedule.Chen'er said: "Let him do a striptease." Xu Feng was the first to applaud, laughing so hard that he lay on his back on the bed and couldn't get up.Tianchi and Walnut also clapped boisterously, and asked Cheng Zhifang to dance. Cheng Zhifang stood up and poked the center of the ground like a log. Imagine the strange appearance of the calm and dignified old Cheng doing a sex dance. Walnut also smiled, but her mind was no longer here. Her heart flew out, opened up, and bloomed into a lotus flower.She smiled louder than anyone else, and her smile was more vivid than anyone else's, but her eyes gradually dimmed. Many years later, when Walnut thinks about this day again, he still clearly remembers every detail of every line of dialogue.She remembered that it was a good day, with a good sun and a very warm wind. She went out to buy vegetables, and when she came back, she found that Tianchi was gone.I found out later that she went to sit in a nearby cafe.This made Walnut feel emotional. Ji Tianchi slept for two full years and had no contact with the outside world for two years, but once he went out alone, the first thing he did was go to a cafe. This is a city dweller. The difference between urban people and rural people is too great, but it is actually very small, and it is often reflected in these details.Walnut is not an ignorant countryman. She has been in Dalian for two years—during the two years of sleeping in Tianchi, she breathed the air of the city day and night, walked hard, walked into the crowd of the city, But so far, she still has never drank a cup of coffee, nor did she have the idea of ​​drinking coffee, let alone treating killing as a game. Yes, the killing game.Tianchi came back, everyone played games together, killed people, danced, and finally developed into a collective group of demons dancing wildly.This is also the difference between city people and country people. Country people also play games and make fun of them, but they absolutely can't think of such a way to play them, and they won't be so narrow-minded.The biggest difference among urbanites is that they can play very vulgar games elegantly, and they can also see vulgarity in elegance, making vulgarity interesting. Before coming to Ji's house, Walnut met little people with sad faces. This is not to say that Tianchi Chen'er or Xu Feng Chengzhi are big people. They also have a lot of troubles, but they will take pleasure in suffering, and they are happy They are different from Walnut, they are the kind of people that Walnut really respects; and those people she used to serve, those double-employees who asked her to help with children or take care of the elderly, or small restaurant owners, they just came here before her One step in the city, the bones are no different from hers, they have the same blood, they don’t drink coffee, they only drink tea, and it’s that kind of cheap jasmine tea, soaked in water in a big cup, you can drink a lot of it over and over again The next time, I didn't want to throw it away when I got tasteless, so I wanted to keep the tea leaves to dry and store them in pillows. Chen'er is different. When Chen'er drinks coffee, he grinds beans into flour with a hand coffee grinder, boils them in a glass pot, holds them in a bone china cup and saucer, stirs them with a silver spoon, and drinks them with sugar packets and milk grains. ——Every step is so exquisite, every thing is so delicate; Chen'er is also very delicate, her eyebrows, eyes, mouth, nose, waist, limbs, hands and feet are so delicate and perfect that she doesn't look like a real person; moreover, she is capable, a young The girl is not ten years older than herself, but she runs a company like a man and earns a lot of money back; the most important thing is her kindness. —Chen'er thus became the idol of walnut, the kind of god who can only be looked up to and cannot be reached. But since Chen'er lost his temper this time, Walnut no longer thinks this way, she finds that Chen'er can also wrong people, he can use excessive words to curse people, and he is unreasonable.This is the first time Chen'er has shown off her authority as the master to Hetao, but Hetao has since subverted her respect for her and despised her from the bottom of her heart. While looking down on Chen'er, Walnut takes Xu Feng even more seriously.Xu Feng is the second life idol that Walnut has set up for himself.A girl like Walnut needs a spiritual idol to worship and yearn for. Only in this way can she feel safe, have hope, and have faith.Xu Feng is so sympathetic, so fair, and so gentle. She stood by Walnut and spoke for her when she was in the most pain. Now, even Xu Feng and Chen'er who usually quarrel with Chen'er and don't talk are cute in Walnut's eyes, because that's Xu Feng's kindness and patience.Of course, Walnut has seen men beat their wives in the countryside, and even in the city, he has seen couples quarreling.But Xu Feng and Chen'er didn't quarrel, even if Chen'er got impatient, Xu Feng would always hold back.Xu Feng can also speak foreign languages ​​fluently. He has studied in the United States and is a person with real knowledge.The family she served before, the man only went to Canada once, but only for a week, and when he came back, he kept talking about "my days in Canada", as if he had stayed there for a few years; but Xu Feng would not be like this Well, Xu Feng actually came back after living in the United States for many years. He has a diploma and ability. Sometimes she hears Xu Feng speaking on the phone in a foreign language. The tone is really nice, like singing.But he doesn't talk about the United States easily, and he never deliberately inserts English words between Chinese characters to make a fool of himself like some people do.His parents are still in the United States, as long as he wants, he can go back to the United States at any time, but he doesn't, he returns to China to accompany Chen'er and help Chen'er take care of Tianchi.How could there be another man like this? Xu Feng is the god of walnuts.At this moment, Walnut sees Xu Feng's image as high as a mountain, as big as the sky.Even if Xu Feng really asked her to kill someone, or let her die for him, she would probably be willing.