Chapter 4 4. Marriage proposal and breakup are carried out at the same time

After graduating, I have been a student for more than ten years, and I was promoted to a teacher all of a sudden. I didn't feel excited, but felt at a loss. I never thought that the head teacher, who was sacred and inviolable in his mind, would be so poor and pitiful once he practiced it personally. The chalk fell on the blackboard, dyed the hair white, dyed the peaches and plums red, but it couldn't dye the golden house or Yan Ruyu.The textbooks have not changed for decades, but you still have to sit at your desk for hours every day to write handouts and test questions. Year after year, you will rehearse the scenes ten years later, and repeat the dialogues ten years ago. There is no chance at all. Express personal opinions.

Is there any job that sells souls cheaper than being a human soul engineer? During the regular meeting on weekends, the principal still kept me in class to teach alone, and said earnestly: "Bai Zhu, you are very smart, and you are the only teacher with a local hukou in Xi'an in the school. The conditions are better than others, and your Mandarin is standard. The school's key training objects, but the discipline of the students in your class...why can't you be proud?" "I have been very careful. Every afternoon in the self-study class, I take homework to the classroom for approval, and the students are not allowed to talk; I check their schoolbags every week, and I am not allowed to bring things that have nothing to do with learning to school. No frisking, and giving everyone a mask."

"But they're running and jumping in the hallway, making a lot of noise." "It's get out of class time." I yelled before the students, "They are only fifteen or sixteen years old, and they are the most innocent and lively time in their lives. How can you control them from talking or running? Not now. Jump, do you have to wait until you are so old, principal, to dance?" "I want to dance, but I can't do it anymore." The principal laughed because of me. After laughing, he put on a serious face and continued to preach, "Anyway, a semester has passed, and your class hasn't won the red flag once. But, it’s always a bit embarrassing, right? Let everyone have a look, okay?”

"I'll do my best." I really tried my best. I said something against my will to the students again and again every day, asking them not to talk in self-study classes, not to pass notes, not to fall in love early, not to dress up strangely, not to read extracurricular books, not to run and jump. Besides, it is best not to do anything and not to think about it. I can’t wait to make the course content into rice and force them to eat it. Even when I sleep, I dream that I am memorizing exercises. Exam-oriented education once harmed me, and now I use it to torture my students.Sorry, I love those innocent smiling faces so much, but I can't love my job because I'm doing my best to put batter on their smiling faces.

On the weekend, our class still didn't get a mobile red flag, because some students secretly opened their eyes while doing eye exercises and were caught by the inspector. God, the principal actually asked me to keep my eyes open and closed for the students! I complained to the principal: "I can't control it, I really can't control it! How about I just be a class teacher and not a class teacher?" "No. The school's teachers are tight, and there are fewer young teachers. You graduated from a teacher's college, and you can speak or write. You are the key training object of our school. I plan to reuse you."

But I was terrified of being reused, and I was so afraid that I had nightmares. At night, I often saw me chasing students with a pair of scissors and cutting off their tails.A student asked me: "We are human, so how can we have a tail?" I replied: "There must be. Humans are transformed from monkeys. If you are so active, you must have not evolved completely. Just cut off the tail." How ridiculous. As absurd as it is, as cruel as it needs to be. Fortunately, winter vacation is coming. Now I understand why teachers have two vacation benefits, because without this adjustment period, no one can continue to teach until retirement.

Both teachers and students are on the verge of collapse. At the parent meeting, I made a generous speech to all the parents: "The students in our class ranked first in the grade in the final exam. It all depends on the cooperation of the parents, but I believe that the students can do better in the exam. Let’s work together to let the children go to the next level and get the best grades in the new year.” applause.I find it funny, I am neither a singer nor a leader, what are they applauding for?Who invented the sport of clapping?And who stipulated that the parents should applaud after the teacher finished speaking?What does clapping mean?agree?gratitude?admiration?If teachers are so great, why do more than half of the parents here earn more than teachers?

This world doesn't make sense. But I still tell the students some truths that I don't even believe in myself. At the end of the parent-teacher meeting, a young man came over and said, "Mr. Bai, hello." "Hello, you are..." I reached out and shook his hand. "I am Ye Zizhen." I smile and wait for the next one. He was obviously embarrassed, and added: "I am the uncle of Lin Gang, a student in your class. His parents are traveling, and I will hold a parent-teacher meeting for him." "Oh, hello." I said again, "Lin Gang is a good boy, he did well this semester..."

But apparently that's not what he wanted to hear, he called out a little hurt: "Bai Zhu, you really don't know me anymore?" Embarrassed, I stopped and didn't know what to say.Does he have another identity besides Uncle Lin Gang? This Ye Zizhen sighed, and had to explain it more clearly: "I was your classmate in junior high school, and I went to your house. Once, I invited you to watch a movie, because I was late, and you were angry and ignored me——" In a blink of an eye, I remembered everything.Yes, Ye Zizhen, I once used him as a fuse in an attempt to make Yizhong angry, called him over, and then ignored him, just playing Go with Yizhong.That was the day when I confessed my love to Yizhong for the first time, and he refused to come to the door for a long time since then.I remembered it, I remembered it all.

I was suddenly so sad that I didn't know how to let go of his hand for a while. Ye Zizhen coughed lightly: "After that, I went to learn Go on purpose, and now I am at 6th dan." Tears welled up in my eyelashes. At this moment, I suddenly remembered how reckless and rude I was when I was young, accidentally hurting innocent people. Ye Zizhen asked: "If you are not in a hurry to go back, would you like to have a drink together?" "Okay, but I want to treat you." It should be regarded as a kind of compensation for the rudeness to him many years ago. "Calm down," he said to me over coffee.

I was puzzled for a moment: "What?" "I said that I am a stingy person. I have kept grudges from middle school to now, and I even learned black and white for you, to see how much you hurt me?" He laughed, "But you buy me coffee now, I am angry draw." I also laughed: "There are not many people who have the courage to admit that they are stingy." In order to make up for the recklessness of my youth, I tried my best to make my voice gentle, and the tall hats just sent them one by one: "Not everyone has the grace to face up to their own shortcomings." "That's because I know that it's just a small flaw, and the flaw can't hide the good." He laughed heartily. I also couldn't help laughing: "If I knew you were so good at boasting, I would have saved myself from flattering you, and left it to you to do it yourself." "I'm not afraid of too much flattery, it's very comfortable to be photographed by others." Then he came down seriously and said with emotion: "What's the use of having so many advantages? You haven't completely forgotten me. But I still have a heart for you." "That's because I was sorry to you once, you said it, you are stingy." "No. I have met many girls later, but none of them can compare with you. You grew up surrounded by herbs and flowers, and every time you raise your hand and look back, you are completely different from others..." I put my hands on my face and laughed: "Okay, okay, you'd better keep the praise to yourself, I can't stand it." In this way, we reconnected with Ye Zizhen. After all those years, we all grew up, but after all, there was a period of time in the past, and we had a tacit understanding than other people, and it was easy to get acquainted. Let's go to Banpo to watch paper making by craftsmen, go to the mosque to pick out good shadow puppets, go boating and swinging in Lianhu Park, go to the city wall to watch the moon and count the stars. He is very interested in the history of the Chinese court, and he is familiar with the allusions of relevant monuments, and he has his own opinions when explaining, which sounds quite beneficial.for example: "Qin Shihuang has two major hobbies: one is war; the other is architecture. He built the capital in Xianyang, and built palaces almost all over the city of Xianyang. Every time a small princely country was destroyed, it was rebuilt in Xianyang according to the palace style of that country. The big palaces are all connected by multiple roads. When Qin Shihuang walked, the outside world had no idea which palace or room he would haunt. His three palaces and six courtyards couldn't know where he went to bed every night, so he could only complain about himself. In the cold palace, don't you know that perhaps Qin Shihuang didn't go to any palace, but stayed alone in the dark room to make alchemy." "Why is this happening?" "It's deceptive. A person with such a strong desire for war must have suppressed sexual ability. Otherwise, he married beauties from all six countries, but why did he only give birth to an incompetent Qin II? I guess, maybe the mighty and powerful Qin Shihuang He has long since become impotent, and he refuses to admit it, afraid of losing face, so he built so many palaces to make a fool of himself. Only those alchemists know whether he is so obsessed with alchemy for immortality or golden spear." He said and laughed. This is where Zizhen is lovely, but also hateful. He can always come up with weird opinions that ordinary people can't imagine, but they are not unreasonable, which is refreshing. This winter vacation is not lonely because of Zizhen. One day, Zizhen and Zizhen passed by the Drum Tower, and saw a banner advertisement saying that there was a Ming and Qing furniture exhibition upstairs. Anyway, bored, the two of them bought tickets to go sightseeing. All kinds of expensive furniture are placed along the hall in the two-story building, and the front is protected by ropes, which can be seen from a distance but not played close to. It turned out that Zizhen was a fan of collecting antique furniture. He walked and looked at it, and pointed out to me one by one: "This is chicken wing wood, this is iron pear wood, this is red sandalwood, and this big rectangular painting table with flat chi patterns on all sides is Cheng Guogong. This kind of shoveling relief craft is very rare, it is far more difficult than the ground relief, and it is exquisite and meticulous. The characteristics of this kind of huanghuali wood furniture are just the opposite, but the lines are simple, Sincere and natural..." I suddenly made a shocking movement—short body, slipped through the rope fence and shrank under the yellow rosewood table. On the leg of the table, square and square, with one stroke and one stroke written, is exactly the word "white". If it is fake, this is exactly the furniture in our Bai family back then. The staff came to drive me out, and I had a momentary seizure, hugging the legs of the table and refusing to let go, yelling, "This is my home, it's my home's furniture." The guests came to watch, startled and laughing, talking a lot.Zizhen hurriedly stepped forward to negotiate, and after all the good words, he pulled me away in a hurry.My three souls and six souls could not return to their places, so I murmured, "My family belongs to me." Go downstairs and turn to the right, you will find the North Courtyard Gate.You can see an exquisite marble archway facing you. The surface of the archway is white and crystal clear, with a jade-like luster. It is surrounded by carvings of flowers and trees such as bamboo orchids and lotus plums to protect the three characters "North Courtyard Gate". Hundreds of miles away, Qinchuan is rich in natural treasures, and has a history of 5,000 years of outstanding people." The gate of the north courtyard was called "Xuanpingfang" in the Ming Dynasty.Before the Guangxu period of the Qing Dynasty, the Eight-Power Allied Forces invaded, and the Empress Dowager Cixi fled to Xi'an with Emperor Guangxu to avoid disaster.Today, however, it has become a famous tourist street. The children's clothes, shoes and hats are placed along the road. They are multicolored, embroidered with tiger heads, five poisonous poisons, and butterflies. half time. Zizhen was strangely silent. We walked through the North Courtyard Gate, Huajue Lane one after the other, until we reached the Great Mosque. Under the high temple wall, the blue bricks and gray tiles make the whole alley quiet.Zizhen stopped, grabbed me suddenly, and asked solemnly, "Bai Shu, do you really like that set of furniture just now?" "It belongs to my family." I can only say this, "It belongs to my family's furniture." He shook my hand heavily, and suddenly said, "Okay, I promise you." "Promise me what?" I will feel sorry for a while. "Didn't you say that the furniture belongs to our family? Bai Zhu, I assure you, I will definitely find the owner, buy it at any cost, and make it our furniture. It's just that you plan to build our house in Where? Or, starting tomorrow, I will accompany you to choose a house?" After a long pause, I realized that he was proposing to me. Proposal?I never thought of becoming a woman for a man other than Song Yizhong, and never thought of starting a family. My whole life has been reserved for Song Yizhong, and I don't intend to resell it to others. My mother is very optimistic about us, and she keeps her son for dinner every now and then, and specially informs my sister to come home to rate. At this time, my sister has moved to the noble residential area of ​​Yahe Garden, and the direction of home is one south and one north. The number of times I go home is no longer as frequent as before, but every time I come back, I feel like a returning overseas Chinese. The car honked its horn as soon as it entered the alley, for fear that the neighbors would not know that Miss Bai had returned home. Her mount had already been replaced by a Lexus 400 from the Alto back then. It was just cold and she had already put on a fur. The beaded crocodile leather bag in her hand was gorgeous and exaggerated. I have never seen a person who is more concerned about packaging and showing off than her.Maybe it's all the heart disease left by selling furniture when I was a child. Once exposed, I have to wear all my belongings and announce it to the world. This is also the main reason why she didn't insist on letting her mother move: moved, who knows that she is rich today?Wealth is to show off to those who know the basics, otherwise how can vanity be satisfied? Because of her vanity, or her professional instinct, her sister made out of Zizhen's family background in a few words - the son of a well-known real estate developer in this city, with only two sisters and no brothers. "Both rich and beautiful, and my younger sister's childhood sweetheart, it's a marriage made in heaven, and it's hard to find a good marriage even with a lantern." The elder sister suggested, "According to me, it's a quick decision. It's best to marry tomorrow, so as not to have long nights and dreams." .” Mom hesitated: "But they've only been dating for a few months, isn't it too early to talk about marriage?" "A few months? A few months are not too short." My sister kept prodding, "You can't talk about things like love over and over again, and it will become dirty after talking about it. The person who falls in love, there are ten times Bajiu is not someone who will marry in the future. You can see from my example. I don’t know how many boyfriends I have talked with, but I got married within a month of meeting Xiao Zhou. If he and I also fall in love for a long time like the previous boyfriends, I don’t know how many times I’ve blown it.” Mom laughed: "I've been married for several years, and I still talk like this. Xiao Zhou is sitting here, and he doesn't know the taboo. But what you said is true. I think Zizhen is polite, well-learned, and he is the son-in-law of the Bai family." , and have done it.” From start to finish, no one ever asked me for my opinion. I really don't have any opinion, except for Song Yizhong, other men are the same to me anyway.But Yizhong, what does Yizhong think about this matter? I made an appointment with Yizhong to do the final negotiation at the coffee shop. Unexpectedly, Yizhong would speak first: "Bai Shu, I heard that you have a boyfriend." "I had a boyfriend when I was very young, do you remember?" I asked him back, "My first boyfriend ran away because I wanted to play chess with you. Let me tell you, the person I like is you." "Back then you were young..." "But now I've grown up. My words are still the same." I looked at him sadly, "Yizhong, the person I love is you. This life will never change." The beautiful tunes flowed slowly, Yizhong stared at me, hesitant to speak.In his eyes, there is clearly affection looming.But at this moment, a woman sitting next to her suddenly came over: "Yizhong, are you here too?" I raised my head on purpose, and it was a young woman with a voluptuous figure and bright make-up, wearing a strict light gray suit, but her shirt was an unwilling rose red, and it was obvious at a glance that she was a white-collar lady in an office building.In Baishao's stock exchange, you can find ten or eight girls like this with just a touch of your hand. Their appearances are almost the same, they will not be rude to others, and they will not be too outstanding.So Yizhong's taste is like this? Yizhong introduced us: "This is Miss Zhang, and this is Bai Shu, my master's daughter." I was a little satisfied. He explained my identity, but he was vague to Ms. Zhang. He obviously didn't want me to remember her, probably because she was an insignificant cutscene character. The word "Miss Zhang" can already sum up her role. "Ms. Zhang, hello, would you like to sit together?" I was so generous because of this satisfaction. Ms. Zhang sat down next to Yizhong honestly and smiled sweetly: "Why is cappuccino so childish? Let's drink red wine, shall we? I treat you." "No, my little junior sister can't handle alcohol." Yizhong stood in my way. "She can't drink, it's you. I still remember the last time our company held a party. You were my dance partner and blocked my drink for half the night. Our colleagues said that you never get drunk after a thousand glasses." This is the anger that starts from the heart, and the evil grows from the guts. She is clearly showing off that she has friendship with Yizhong.Blocking the wine, what's the big deal, I don't believe that Yizhong won't block it for me if I drink too much.Just drink it, who is afraid of whom? ! The bottle of Great Wall Cognac was opened, and the red one was the lover's eyes, and he took small sips.That Ms. Zhang and I went from movie star gossip to beauty secrets, you come and I get along so well.From time to time, there is a sentence: "Yizhong, what do you think of this?" Yizhong smiled wryly: "These are all things you girls care about. How can I have any opinion? I drink." Ms. Zhang smiled and changed the subject: "Didn't you say last time that you are going to Beijing soon? When will you leave?" "Are you going to Beijing?" I was stunned for a moment, and asked Yizhong, "Why haven't I heard you mention it before!" "Oh, that's right." That Ms. Zhang, who didn't know what to do, actually spoke for Yizhong, "A medical research institute in Beijing wants to invite Yizhong to join us, and cooperate with them to develop new medicines. maximum." Such a big matter, you didn't tell me, but you told Miss Zhang first?I couldn't help but feel a little bit about their relationship, feeling depressed, I lowered my head and drank silently. Yizhong explained: "The matter hasn't been finalized yet. I originally planned to discuss it with my teacher's wife in the next few days, and I also wanted to hear her opinion." Ms. Zhang looked at her words and felt satisfied, so she got up gracefully: "My friend is looking for me, excuse me." So Yizhong sent her back to her seat, and was forced to toast her by the group of energetic Office people, and she didn't come over until she drank for a round.I snorted coldly: "Walking around between the tables, such a good entertainment skill, it's better to do public relations." Yizhong was already drunk, he didn't care about me, he just said: "Let's go, I'll take you home." "It's true that I'll take you home. Judging by your appearance, you can't even stand still when you're drunk." "That's fine." Yizhong warned, "Don't tell my teacher that I'll take you out for a drink. Hey, why does one person get drunk every time I drink red wine?" "Yeah, I was drunk last time, this time it's your turn. We're even." It wasn't until I got home that I found out that Mrs. Song and Xiao Li had brought her son back to her mother's house for a short stay in the past two days. It's rare for me to be alone in the Song family and Yizhong, and I can't help feeling a strange feeling in my heart.After making tea, he wrung out a wet towel to wipe his face.When serving him like this, the strange feeling in my heart deepens every minute. Is this how a wife treats her husband? Yizhong murmured: "Bai Zhu, thank you, when you leave, lock the door for me." I looked at him, took off my coat gently, lay down next to him, and gently combed his hair with my hands.As if back when I was a child, he drove me everywhere on his bicycle, and I sat on the back seat with my face pressed against his back, so warm and reassuring.Yizhong, Yizhong, if I can grow old with you, what price will I have to pay? Suddenly I heard Yizhong calling softly: "Bai Shu, Bai Shu." "I'm here." "Baishu." Yizhong held my hand, put it on his lips and kissed it, with an intoxicating sobriety and talkativeness, "When you were young, I took you to the zoo, and you would laugh when the tiger called you." He smiled softly , pulled me to the side, but suddenly pushed me away forcefully, as if waking up from a dream, "Bai Zhu, you can't!" "Why not? That Ms. Zhang just now is your girlfriend, isn't she? She's not necessarily more mature than me, isn't she about the same age?" I went all out, grabbed my collar and tore it forcefully, and the button flew out. "Song Yizhong, you can see clearly, I have grown up long ago, and my figure is no worse than any of your lovers. Why can't you accept me?" "No, I can't." Yizhong shook his head, and shook his head again, as if he was suffering from not being able to save himself from being drunk.I have never seen that helpless look. I softened and began to beg him and seduce him, "Brother, I don't even ask you to be specific, I just want you to love me. And you always love me, don't you? Then why don't you accept me? Try it Try, try, okay? I won't cause you any trouble." "Junior Sister." He held my face in his hands and gave up, "I promised Master that I will take good care of you. You are my little junior sister, so I can't let you down." "You are the biggest sorry for neglecting me. You are too cruel!" I cried out in despair, "Brother, it's been ten years, I've loved you for ten years, why don't you understand? I'm getting married soon, I I'm going to be another man's woman. If you think I can't be accepted by you today, will you want me after I get married and divorced? Wouldn't you feel guilty? If so, I will get married tomorrow, and I will return to you the day after tomorrow, will you want me? Will you?" Yizhong didn't speak.He cried. I was shocked.I actually saw Yizhong's tears.Senior brother, omnipotent senior brother, did my existence actually bring him such great pain and distress? "Eldest brother, senior brother, Yizhong..." I stretched out my hand to wipe away his tears. How many times, from childhood to adulthood, how many times Yizhong wiped away my tears. At this moment, our roles are reversed, and the person who wipes his tears is actually me. Suddenly, we hugged each other tightly and kissed with all our strength. Kiss, tossing and turning, hungry and thirsty, forgetting the past and present, exhausting all the love, just asking for a kiss. "Brother, have you finally admitted that you love me?" "Bai Shu..." He hugged me and looked at me so affectionately, it made my heart ache with love.He kissed me, again and again, his breath getting short of breath. But eventually, he pushed me away. "Big brother?!" "Bai Shu, I can't." He closed his eyes, struggling so hard with himself. I threw myself into his arms, wrapped my arms around his neck, wrapped him tightly, eager to give myself to him. "Don't hesitate any longer, big brother. I am yours, I am here, as long as you want, as long as you call, look, I am yours." "No." He pushed me away again, "Can't, at least, not today, not now. I'm drunk, Bai Zhu, I can't want you while I'm drunk, that's too unfair to you, too Hasty." "Then tomorrow, how about tomorrow? I'll come see you tomorrow." I agreed meekly.Big brother, my big brother, he finally loved me, finally kissed me, and finally wanted me. "Tomorrow, we'll be together, won't we?" I looked at him enthusiastically. He looked at me too, and finally, slowly, slowly, nodded.My heart immediately opened like a sunflower, following the direction of the sun brilliantly and unreservedly.Every seed in my heart is written with lovesickness and infatuation, thousands of grains, each grain is like gold. Tomorrow, tomorrow will be the full moon of our flowers, tomorrow will be the day when dreams come true, oh, tomorrow... A long, long dream. When I woke up from my dream—I almost didn't want to wake up from my dream—I thought, today, I have an appointment with Yizhong.Yesterday, he kissed me and said, tomorrow we will be together. He kissed me.I hugged my shoulders and thought, he kissed me; I thought according to my heart, he kissed me; I touched my lips and thought, he kissed me; he kissed me, really kissed me. a big deal.An earth-shattering event as important as life and death.He kissed me.I was kissed by him. I waited ten years and finally got his kiss.He finally kissed me. We hugged, got tighter, became one, and then he kissed me. Oh, Yizhong, Yizhong Yizhong Yizhong, he kissed me, really kissed me.From now on, I will be his woman.his love. I looked in the mirror, combed my makeup carefully, put on my best clothes, used the high-end cosmetics my sister gave me, and didn’t forget to sprinkle a little perfume—according to the book, spray the perfume into the air, and Open your arms and let your hair dance in the perfume mist, letting the fragrance spread evenly. Today, I will become a woman in Yizhong, and I will dedicate the best and most beautiful me to him, and dream the most complete and beautiful dream. Dressed up, I called him, and I was ashamed to complain: "Yizhong, can I see you now?" "Now?" He seemed not to understand why I said that, and replied apologetically, "Bai Shu, I'm not in Xi'an right now, I'm on the train, heading for Beijing." "What?" There was a loud thunder crashing from the sky, I almost thought I didn't hear clearly, "When will you be back?" "Not necessarily. Maybe a year, maybe a few years. I told you yesterday that the Beijing Research Institute invited me to develop a new drug. I decided to accept it. Teacher's wife, please tell me for me. I will call you when I arrive in Beijing. Her." His voice was very calm, as if nothing had happened. Oh, no, it was because something happened, a big thing happened, that he was so cold.He no longer treats me as a friend, nor as his younger sister, nor as his relative, but only hopes to treat me as a stranger. That's why he is so cold, so unfamiliar, and so repulsive. I see. The phone slipped from my hand. After waiting for so long, I thought I would finally take a step forward, but it turned out that I had taken dozens of steps, hundreds of steps, or even reached zero. There was no way to go back.He was me, just a stranger.Irrelevant, stranger! My heart was completely empty, and tears flowed down my face.At this moment, I swear to God: I will never be so cheap, so incompetent, and so weak again.From now on, I am determined not to love him anymore, I will marry, forget him, and marry any man, but I will not shed a tear for Song Yizhong again! It seems that from far away, Yizhong's voice came: "Hello? Hello? Baishu..." I woke up slightly and picked up the microphone again: "I'm listening." "Are you angry?" Yizhong felt a little uneasy, "I seem to have promised to treat you to tea today, didn't I? I regret the promise again, I'm sorry..." His voice was gentle and deep, and his slight mercy made my heart ache even more.I grabbed the microphone tightly, almost bleeding, and answered coldly, word by word: "Wrong. Senior brother, I am the one who invites you to a wedding wine. Unfortunately, you probably won't be able to make it back." My heart died at that moment, Song Yizhong, from now on, I will cut off all ties with you!