Chapter 3 3. Poppies on Valentine's Day

After my sister got married, the house was deserted, and my mother and I depended on each other for life. There was a little joy, a little sadness, and even our words and smiles were light. In the evening, I filled a blue jade porcelain plate with clear water, dripped essence, sprinkled a few petals and lemons, lit a floating candle, and watched it burn quietly.Even the candle flame was deserted. In the cool night, with a cool heart, I prayed countless times in the fragrance of flowers: God is above, please let me get the heart of Yizhong, and I will never leave it forever. The days slide smoothly between flowers blooming and withering, my mother is aging day by day, and I am growing up day by day.

Occasionally, my uncle surnamed Xing would come to have a cup of tea, but my mother was always very indifferent.I have some regrets: "Actually, Uncle Xing is pretty good, why is mom so repulsive?" Mom paused and said, "He has a wife." I was stunned and understood two things at the same time: First, although the surname Xing likes my mother, he is unlikely to become my stepfather; Seemingly indifferent, in fact, they have been dating each other for so many years. The emotional world of middle-aged people is like a chicken threat, it's a pity to discard it, and it's tasteless to eat it.

I feel sad that the love between our mother and daughter is so hopeless.The difference is that I am more determined and persistent than her.If I were her, I wouldn't care if my beloved was married or not. The life in the third year of high school should have been very tense, but the bitter secret love made me always have a gray and cold feeling that death is all right.Every night, I read the class with the bell of the Qinglong Temple, and felt that the world was like a dream, but even so, I couldn't get up the energy to read angrily. I still insist on writing a diary to express my love for Yizhong. I spent all my time cooking flower porridge and poured it out without drinking it. When I had a little leisure time, I went to Wenyi Road to walk around, and I still missed Yizhong again and again.

Every time I go to "Flower Love", when my mother mentions that Yizhong has just come and left, I feel a deep pain.Take a rose in your hand and trim it, even if the thorns prick your hand, you won't know it. One Saturday afternoon, it was raining and the ground was pattering. The students were studying, and some of them were so tired that they used their elbows as pillows to sleep on the desks.The classroom is very quiet, and the ticking of the clock can be heard, but there is obviously no alarm clock here, there is only a line of big words in the upper right corner of the blackboard: 16 days before the college entrance examination.

That line of writing is more effective than any stimulant or tiger bench. It is a curse for many students, and it gets deeper and deeper every second. It is also like a heavy hammer, hitting the ground one after another, smashing out all the chaotic thoughts. There is only one thought left: go to college, go to college, go to college. But in my mind, apart from taking the university entrance exam, I clearly heard another word: Song Yizhong, Song Yizhong, Song Yizhong. Suddenly the get out of class bell rang, and it was as sharp and shocking as a fire alarm.The intense preparation for the exam made the students obviously a little nervous, and they couldn't help shaking when they heard the bell.One boy was half genuinely startled and half feigning madness, and suddenly screamed in response to the ringing of the bell. Immediately, several other boys joined in, screaming wildly, and among them was a female student with a weak nerve who sobbed inexplicably.

The rain and the bell made everyone's depression explode at that moment, and a student shouted: "Damn it, what about love? I'll suffer this." He dropped his schoolbag and walked away. This heroic feat immediately won applause, and everyone quarreled: "Stop reading, stop reading, get out of class, go home, go home!" Within three to five minutes, the classroom was completely gone.Those good students who usually work hard and concentrate on their studies also showed their youthful rebellious instincts on this rainy evening, and made an impromptu and fun play by cutting classes.

I rushed out of the classroom in a daze with the flow of people, only to remember that I didn't bring an umbrella, I didn't bring a schoolbag, I only had a white dress on my body, and I didn't even bring car money. But I couldn't care less, there was a fire burning in my chest, and I didn't feel cold or wet.I'm going to find the one I love, I'm going to tell him my love.If I exhausted myself before the college entrance examination, I would lie in the coffin and think regretfully: I didn't even have time to fall in love. I don't want to take exams, I don't want to go to university, I want to spend all my time in Aizhong.

The rain is getting thicker and thicker, but I don't care.Walk through the streets, walk through the entire Wenyi Road, and walk into Yizhong Clinic. My cheeks were hot and my eyes were dry. When I saw Yizhong for the first time, I was bitter and excited at the same time, and I couldn't speak for a while. Because it was the weekend and it was raining again, Yizhong considerately gave the staff a holiday in advance, and he was the only one on duty in the clinic. Seeing me, he was a little surprised: "You don't go to school today?" "The exam is coming, and the teacher told us to go home and study by ourselves." I didn't tell the truth, and no matter how carried away I still knew, it was wrong to skip classes after all.

Yizhong asked: "Then have you worked hard?" "If I get the No. 1 Scholar, will you treat me better because of it?" I licked my dry lips, "If you can make you fall in love with me by going to college, I will work hard, but you tell me, Do you care if I'm a college student?" Yizhong was frightened by my bravery, frowned and said, "Bai Shu, you are still a child..." "Wrong, I am no longer twelve years old, but my mind has never changed since I was twelve years old. I know what I am talking about, and you know it too." Yizhong's hand, not allowing him to avoid it, the fire in my chest was still burning, making me desperately say what I wanted to say, "Brother, you know that the best reward I want is not to go to college, but to get married with you." You are together."

"Baishu, what are you talking about?" Yizhong grabbed my hand, clapped three fingers together, and was startled, "Do you have a fever? Sit down and let me take your temperature." "Take body temperature? Isn't that a matter of Western medicine? Chinese medicine shouldn't use any equipment, you have to look, smell, and ask." I couldn't stand still, fell into his arms, hugged his neck, wrapped around him like a vine, and muttered He murmured: "Eldest brother, I like you, I have always liked you. Don't be so serious, I know you have many women, and I want to be your woman too. Eldest brother, what can I do to make you like me?"

"Bai Shu, don't do this, it will hurt you." Yizhong was very embarrassed, and retreated steadily, "Indeed, I am not a gentleman, but you are my junior sister, and you are still a child, pure as a piece of white paper——" "Don't say these things." I pestered him, my whole body burning like coals, "Elder brother, I don't want to be a piece of paper, don't treat me as a child anymore, I want to be your woman, do you love me or not, do you want me... ..." I didn't hear Yizhong's answer, and I passed out. I don't know what excuse the elder brother used to explain to my mother, I only know that when I woke up, I was already in my home, my own room, and my own bed. But I know that I am no longer pure. I once sent myself to Brother Yizhong, but he didn't accept it and returned it intact.But I have already given myself to him, and if he doesn't want it, I will be even more humble. I lay at home for three days, and then I got up and went to school.I don't know whether it's understanding Long live or the law does not blame the public, but the school did not punish the big absenteeism. But it is very difficult to get a good result in such preparation.However, I didn't intend to be a female doctor at first, and I am very happy to have been admitted to a two-year teacher's college to study as a junior college.And with scholarships, you can graduate earlier and become independent as soon as possible. Mom felt a little regretful: "Your father said that you are talented, and originally hoped that your daughter would inherit her father's career, but in the end she became a teacher." My sister comforted: "It's not bad for a girl to be a teacher. She is gentle and gentle. There are not so many right and wrong. There are two holidays a year, and I can also help my mother take care of the flower shop business." Three sentences are inseparable from business classics.But it's no wonder that she was only seventeen years old when her father died, but she was already going out to support her family and felt much more pressure from her family than I did. Now she works as a broker in a stock company, wearing a red vest every day to manage accounts worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The few hours she is out of the market is as exciting as fighting a war, and she has to finish her work before retreating when the sky falls.I bought a Changan Alto and used a car instead of a car. It is said that the economy is considered affluent, but because the people I come into contact with are either rich or expensive, in comparison, I still feel that my family is in a difficult situation, as if I have enough money. Queen.He kept his mind on business from time to time, persuaded people to open an account to buy stocks in less than three sentences, and talked endlessly about cutting positions and closing positions, nervous and exaggerated.She didn't realize it, but I was like listening to heaven. Our sisters gradually walked into two worlds. In contrast, the sisters in the dormitory are more brotherly and sincere.When they fall in love, they always come to me for advice and advice, and they say in amazement: "Bai Shu doesn't fall in love herself, but she seems to have more experience in love than anyone else. There are so many ghost ideas, how did she come up with them?" I replied, "I figured it out from seven years of secret love." They are even more hip-hop.No one believed I was telling the truth. On the eve of Valentine's Day, everyone stayed in bed and talked at night. The topic of debate was naturally love again. The elder sister in the dormitory said: "True love has only one mode, which is love at first sight. If you can't be attracted to a person when you first see him, then no matter how long you look at him in the future, you won't be really moved. , but also habit becomes nature, not nature becomes habit.” The second sister disagreed: "But love at first sight probably doesn't last long, right? As the saying goes, it takes time to see the true heart, and it takes forever to be in love with each other, isn't it?" "No and no." The eldest sister shook her head loudly, "We are talking about love, not feelings. It is family affection that lasts for a long time, just like a piece of clothing that has been worn for a long time, there will be a feeling of skin-to-skin contact. Love at first sight It’s true feelings, from the heart, and there’s absolutely no reason to say it.” "Why is there no reason? Isn't it just looking at the surface conditions? Who would believe that a fair lady would fall in love with a beggar at first sight?" The two sides couldn't stop arguing, and the third sister greeted me: "Fourth, what do you say?" I was taken aback, and wanted to cover it up, but suddenly, I really wanted to express my feelings in the dark: "The person I love has been in love for many years, and I can't remember what it was like to see him for the first time , so it’s not love at first sight. However, it’s not accumulated over time, but one day, something suddenly made me understand that I like him, and I only like him, and I don’t intend to change it in this life.” "Is this love at first sight or love over time?" asked the third sister. The eldest sister and the second sister couldn't answer, but clamored for me to explain the love process in detail. "I'm a crush, where is there any story to tell?" "Is it really a secret love?" The three sisters yelled together, "What era are you still in love with? Fourth brother, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, call him and ask him to come out to negotiate. Don't care about success or not, let's talk about taking the initiative. Not now Say, do you wait until you are old to write your confession?" Valentine's Day?My heart beats. All festivals provide couples with a reason to express their feelings.Flowers, Valentine's cards, thousand paper cranes, concentric knots, lucky stars... all kinds of small gifts take turns, flying to the center of Yiren's hand with strands of tenderness and a curtain of dreams, softly and loudly say: I love you ! I'm so jealous that they can express their love so bravely and boldly.But the person I love is a married man, and a senior brother whom I have known since childhood, a family friend of our family.This feeling is not as simple as saying it directly. I have to explain it to him, my family, and the whole world.Where will the result be? But Valentine's Day... Valentine's Day, let me indulge myself for a while. "Can I invite you to watch a movie?" I mustered up the courage to call Yizhong, sweating from the hands of the microphone. "Watching a movie?" The man on the other side was obviously taken aback for a moment, and then readily agreed, "That's fine, I haven't celebrated for you yet when you are admitted to university." He said yes!I hugged the phone to my chest, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.Speaking of which, this was our first serious date. We met at the movie theater, the smell of popcorn filled the air, sweet and warm, like a warm summer night. In fact, the heating is not enough, and the seat is too old and hard to be comfortable, but I still feel happy. Watching a tragedy movie, I also have a smile on my face, and the corners of my mouth keep pulling to the sides uncontrollably. Yizhong laughed at me: "You little Baishu, you don't have any sympathy. It's rare to see a girl as hard-hearted as you. When you were young, you always cried when you watched movies." I feel a little wronged, hard-hearted?Disturbance is real.I didn't understand at all what was going on in the movie. "Eldest brother, shall we go drink tea?" The voice was so soft that I felt sorry for myself. It took so long to get a little encouragement, and I simply didn't know how to squander it. The elder brother laughed loudly: "I said I would celebrate for you today. You are the biggest today. I will accompany you to eat and play whatever you want." "24 hours?" "Don't be so greedy. How about a 50% discount?" Many years later, I realized that, in fact, from the very beginning, what I got was a half-fold love. I chose a western restaurant with a very romantic look, a bottle of cognac red wine, black pepper steak medium-ripe, served with broccoli and raw fried eggs, served on an iron plate, left fork and right knife, and performed in front of the public. That was the first time I ate Western food, and I remember it very clearly, even the embroidery on the white tablecloth and the gesture of flower arrangement in the table vase.I still remember every conversation I had with my big brother that day. He compliments me. "Baishu is getting more and more beautiful." We also talked about feelings. "Bai Shu has grown into a big girl, has she got a boyfriend yet?" There is also physical contact. "It's wrong to use a knife and fork like this. Let me teach you." His hand took mine and he chopped the veal into pieces. In the end, I was still the twelve-year-old junior in his mind, completely ignoring my growth. "Yizhong." I called his name. He murmured, without looking up, he just said, "This steak is not bad. I've had it a few times, and this time it's the tenderest." "Yizhong." I called again. He turned around and summoned the waiter: "Two glasses of Blue Mountain." "Yizhong." I raised my voice slightly. This time he was forced to raise his head, with a smile on his face, and said loudly: "Actually, we know that it is impossible to have real Blue Mountain coffee in ordinary cafes. It is a mixture of several beans such as Colombian Brazilian beans to produce a similar taste. But when it comes to western restaurants, people still like to order Blue Mountain, as if it’s not good enough to do otherwise. If you don’t like to drink, you have to show it to others, right?” If you don't like to drink, you have to make it for others?I looked at my brother, did you say this to me?Everything he did today was acting?He understands my intentions at all, but regardless of my various hints, he only stubbornly and wishfully treats me as a twelve-year-old girl. Is he deceiving me or himself? "why?" "Why?" He was taken aback for a moment, "You mean Blue Mountain Coffee? It costs ten yuan more per cup than Mocha Mandheling, so if you don't order Blue Mountain, people won't think I'm picky about single origin coffee , I thought I wanted to save the ten dollars." "I didn't mean coffee." I interrupted him, "Master, I'm asking you, why did you agree to accompany me out to watch a movie, and then treat me to Western food?" "You're the one who called me. How dare you push me." He faltered a little, with sweat on his forehead. I don't relax: "You promised me, you treat me like a twelve-year-old junior sister, but you know that I am no longer twelve years old this year, and you deliberately pretend to be careless to accompany me, come on Lie to yourself, why?" "I don't want you to be disappointed." "But you have the heart to see me despair?" I choked up, but forced myself to finish the sentence, "Brother, I have been in love with you since I was twelve years old and dreamed of marrying you in the future. Now I know, That's impossible. You already have a sister-in-law and a child, so you won't marry me again. But I am willing, I am willing to be your lover, I don't ask you for any status, I don't make any demands, as long as you are willing Always stay with me, 12 hours, or 6 hours, 3 hours, or even a few minutes, as long as you are willing to remember that there is a person like me, and occasionally spare time to accompany me to watch a movie, go shopping, and have a cup of tea, I will Very satisfied. I don’t ask to see you every day when I open my eyes, I just want to feel sweet when I open my eyes and think of you every day, and I feel hopeful and hopeful. , you don’t answer the phone calls, and you always go to the flower shop to see my mother when I’m not around. Don’t avoid me on purpose, okay?” "Bai Shu, what childish things are you talking about!" Yizhong's face changed color, "I shouldn't let you drink, you're drunk." "I'm not drunk, even if I'm drunk, what I say is the truth. Eldest brother, haven't you ever heard of drinking the truth? I've been silent for nine years, can you just let me finish the sentence once? Don't Always treat me as a twelve-year-old child, I also have feelings, and it hurts. I confess my love again and again, and you interrupt me again and again, don’t you think I’m too cruel?" "Okay, Bai Shu, go ahead, say whatever you want, let me finish here, from now on, don't think about it anymore." He told me to say that he showed an attitude of resigning himself to death and let me be slaughtered. I just felt so sad that I couldn't speak anymore. The red wine was like blood, poured down the throat glass by glass.Oh God, is it a heinous sin to love someone?Why do you have to bear such late punishment and pain? I said to myself don't get drunk, don't get drunk, I still have something to say, I can't get drunk. But I was still drunk and throwing up badly.In my dizziness, I just remembered that the elder brother took out a handkerchief to help me wipe my face, and changed a handkerchief if it was soiled.I remember that day he was wearing a pair of coarse trousers with many pockets, and a handkerchief was hidden in each pocket. I giggled: "Brother, why do you have so many handkerchiefs? Are there many women crying for you? I will be one of them, and I will be your mistress, okay? Promise me, promise me, okay?" ?” That day, the elder brother said that he would only be with me for 12 hours, but in fact, he stayed with me for 24 hours. I was so drunk that he couldn't take me back to the dormitory, and he couldn't take me home, so he finally had to take me back to the cinema for an all-night movie. When I woke up, I found myself half lying and half leaning on Yizhong's arms. He hugged me, his eyes were red, and he kept sitting in the same position for a whole night in order to make me sleep more comfortably. I can't help but Hyun Ran.Senior brother patted my hair and said, "You are really a heavy sleeper. If you can sleep, you are fine. Come on, let's go have breakfast now." The sky was not yet bright, it was gray, and there was still a little rain, drifting down indistinctly.We walked slowly along the base of the city wall, the peach blossoms were in full bloom, and the honeysuckle swayed gently in the cold wind. I asked Yizhong: "Why did you think of taking me to the cinema?" He was serious: "In order to prevent yourself from becoming eternal hatred if you make a mistake, you will refuse to take responsibility afterwards because you have no virtue after drinking." I was taken aback, and just about to laugh, he already put on a serious face and said in a low voice: "My reputation is too bad, I don't want people to see you entering a hotel with me." I lowered my head and said softly, "I would rather wake up in your arms every morning." "You are still young, and you don't know the importance of reputation to a person, especially a girl." Yi Zhong said seriously, "Bai Shu, you are my most beloved junior sister, I can't do anything to be sorry to you or to my master. " "You mean, if I'm not my father's daughter, you don't care, don't you?" I grabbed his sleeve, wept tears on it, and whimpered, "I can't choose my origin, is it my wrong?" "Baishu, I can't speak, don't make things difficult for me." Yizhong hugged me, stroked my hair gently, and sighed again and again, "Even if you are a stranger, I will not treat you like this. Maybe I don't feel it, but I can't hurt you. Bai Zhu, you are still a child, spotless and pure, I can't ruin your life." "You might as well just say that you don't want to destroy my virgin body!" I raised my head and went all out, "Now you don't want me who is pure and spotless, and you don't want to come until my reputation is ruined and I can't be a husband." A piece of the action?" "Bai Shu!" Yi Zhong shouted sharply, I've never seen him so angry. "Don't take my love for you as a reason to torture and punish me, don't hurt me by trampling yourself!" I looked at him, looked at him, and tears welled up and flowed down.Yizhong, Yizhong, he finally admitted that he loves me, he told me himself. If I die at this moment, I will be very happy, dying in his arms, dying in the dawn of love. The raindrops turned into snow grains, falling one after another, unable to accumulate in the middle of the road, but the grass at the root of the wall was soon covered with snow, and the honeysuckle flowers were more and more verdant.Snow fell on Yizhong's hair and eyebrows, and he didn't brush it. His sideburns were green and his eyes were cold, which broke my heart.How can I not love him? Suddenly the bell on the bell tower rang. It was a few enthusiastic foreign tourists who were climbing on the snow and ringing the bell to make a wish. The long bell rang again and again, spreading far in the snow.With the sound of other people's bells, I prayed quietly in my heart: Please let me get the love from Yizhong, let me get the love from Yizhong, let me get the love from Yizhong... We walked for a long time, and finally picked a roadside stall to sit down and eat soy milk fritters. That was the sweetest breakfast I've ever had. Through the window, you can see that the snowflakes are slowly taking shape, dancing with the wind in large swaths.I pointed to the honeysuckle in the snow and said to Yizhong: "You are this kind of flower. Honeysuckle is also known as honeysuckle. It is evergreen in all seasons and grows everywhere in the soil. The stems and leaves of the flowers can be used as tea and medicine, clearing away heat and detoxification, and quenching thirst." "Sure enough, it's the daughter of Master and Master's wife. When talking about the Flower Sutra, I never forget to add the medicinal function together." Yizhong smiled, "What about you? Master named you Baizhu, it's a blind medicine. But girls It should be a flower, let me think about it, what kind of flower are you?" "It's poppy." I answered first, "I'm a big poisonous weed, but it blooms very brightly, so I can tempt you." "Nonsense, why are you comparing yourself to a poisonous weed?" "I would rather be a poppy, extract opium, make you addicted, and you can't do without me." The brother ignored me, thought about it, and answered: "It should be said that you are a poppy. Poppies and poppies are of the same family and have similar shapes. They are often mistaken for poppies, but the two flowers have very different qualities. Not the same, quite the opposite—poppies are poisonous, poppies are medicinal, and like honeysuckle, are beneficial plants." I wanted to refute, but when he said it was the same as honeysuckle, I was happy again. "Miss Yu? Well, then I am Meiren Yu, but you have to be the overlord of Chu first." "Chu Overlord?" Yizhong didn't turn around for a moment. I laughed: "Isn't the concubine Yu in Farewell My Concubine called poppies? According to legend, the concubine concubine slays herself with her sword and splashes the green grass with blood. If I were a concubine poppies, of course you should be Chu Overlord." "You little Baishu, what's in your head? You're a weird elf." Yizhong smiled helplessly, "Okay, okay, then I'm the overlord of Chu. Come on, bring my black-tailed horse and let me see you off." Yuji is going home." When I got home, I slowed down the bath water in the big wooden bucket, sprinkled flower petals on it, and soaked myself in it for a long time. Carnations bloom between my fingers, rubbing gently against my skin, like a lover's touch.In the hot air, the fragrance of flowers wafted up, and I heard Yizhong say to me: "You are a poppies." Oh, Yizhong.I remembered that last night, the sisters in the dormitory once advised me that if the negotiation fails, we should change direction and choose a target among college boys. How can boys in college compare with Yizhong? They behave exaggeratedly and say nothing, and every step they take seems to be carrying a big cloth bag full of prickly pears, and they are afraid of stabbing the bag or themselves, no matter what they do, they will make a fool of themselves, and scratch their heads and hands when they have nothing to do. , It seems to be itchy all over. But Yizhong is not like this. Yizhong is very planned, smart and calm, and has proper reasons for everything he says and does.He opened a clinic, married a wife and had children, made many girlfriends, and did everything with ease.It is a noble honeysuckle, likes the sun, is also tolerant to shade, cold, drought, and humidity, grows rapidly, and is evergreen in all seasons; it is shady in summer, dark green everywhere in winter, golden flowers and silver stamens, and fragrant. It is overflowing, it is white at the beginning, and turns yellow after a day or two. Thousands of buds on the vines bloom one after another. No flower can be more abundant than it, and no one can make my heart move more than Yizhong. I soaked the honeysuckle seeds in water, inserted a thermometer, carefully kept the water temperature at 25 degrees, and prepared to plant all over the perimeter of the garden. It’s Chinese New Year, when every family worships narcissus, my mother sees me serving flower seeds, and at first thinks it’s the occasion, but when she sees that it’s honeysuckle, she can’t help wondering: “Is this a honeysuckle seed? Actually, there are many ways to grow honeysuckle. They are easy to survive, so why bother to sow them? It takes a long time, and it will take a year or two to bloom." I don't answer.slow?I have planned to spend my whole life waiting for Yizhong's love, do I still care about waiting two or three years for honeysuckle to bloom?