Chapter 2 2. Bridesmaid's Tears

That was the end of childhood and teenage years.It ended quickly and disastrously, robbed by a funeral and an ensuing wedding. I grew up to be a queer teenage girl, far more melancholy and quiet than my peers. My requirements for life are extremely simple, and at the same time, I am not easy to please. Neither dolls nor ice cream can make me look good anymore.Climb on the counting table of the flower shop to do homework, and occasionally help my mother to prune the flowers, inject water from the cut stems with a needle, or lightly burn them with a lighter, so as to keep them fresh for a long time.When customers ask questions, they will not answer anything except business-related questions.

"Look at her eyes, she's beautiful, but she doesn't look like a child at all." That's what everyone says about me. I rolled my eyes and pretended I didn't hear what I heard.I was not young, melancholy and pain filled my heart, scarred and precocious. A twenty-year-old woman may not have such a profound lovelorn experience as I do. There is only one thing left in life: grow up quickly and become the woman of Senior Brother Yizhong. Yizhong is very popular with girls, and had dated many girlfriends before marriage, but this situation has not been completely eliminated after marriage.But everyone's name for them has changed. They no longer refer to Yizhong's girlfriend, but to say that there are women outside Yizhong.

I also want to be a woman in Yizhong. —Even if it's one of the women. My strength is too small, and my despair came too early. I no longer expect to marry Yizhong or have his heart completely, but only hope that he can treat me as a real woman and hug me. Me, kiss me, send me roses. I will never forget that the first person who gave me roses was Yizhong. Although as the years passed, more and more boys gave me flower chocolates, but when I looked in the mirror, I knew that I had gradually transformed into a butterfly. But Yizhong didn't know. He still calls me little junior sister, likes to talk nonsense with me, messes with my hair casually when joking, and occasionally buys me new skirts or snacks, just like I was still a 12-year-old girl back then.

I am very conflicted, I don't know whether I want him to treat me as a little girl or a big girl, I am afraid that he will always regard me as a little sister and cannot develop emotionally, and I am also afraid that he will think that I will become alienated and polite when I grow up. At this time, the west wind is blowing eastward, and the country suddenly plays festival games, such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, and all festivals must send flowers.The guests are becoming more and more particular about the packaging and collocation of flowers, which is in the hands of my mother, who is very interested in studying flower arrangements and never tires of it.

Every time I see young boys buying flowers, I can't help but think of Yizhong. Twelve-year-old rose petals are still blooming in my diary and fragrant in my heart.But Yizhong, he never sent me flowers again, and all the Valentine's Days, because there is no Yizhong, I have no chance. I have always fantasized that in the future, there will be a Valentine's Day where Yizhong will send me roses, swim with me holding hands, go boating at Xingqing Palace, or climb Cuihua Mountain together to watch the sunset side by side.At that time, I will tell him how much I love him and how many years I have loved him.

He still comes to my house every Sunday to chat with my mother. And every time I cook a hundred flower porridge and wait for him. Yizhong suffers from chronic gastritis due to studying too hard. I always carefully collect dried rose petals from my mother’s flower shop and brew them in boiling water, or mix them with yellow lotus and licorice. Work up your appetite.In spring, make soup with cloves, woody incense and magnolia officinalis. In summer, jasmine, calamus and green tea are mixed and ground into powder instead of tea. They all have the effects of soothing the liver, relieving stagnation, regulating qi and relieving pain.

My brother praised me: "Master is an apricot forest master, and my wife is a flower guardian angel. The junior sister and sister are combined into one, absorbing the essence of heaven and earth, and they are a 'flower doctor'." I was ashamed and happy at the same time, and since then I have studied the way of cooking tea and porridge more carefully.Among them, Yizhong's favorite is chrysanthemum leaf cake - collect plump and fresh chrysanthemum leaves, wash and chop them, mix them with glutinous rice flour and rice flour, mix them into dough, stuff them with red bean paste, knead them into cake bases, and put them in the oil pan Fry slowly over medium-low heat until both sides are golden and then out of the pan. Decorate with chrysanthemum silk ribbons around it, and put them into small suns. It looks pretty and bright, smells fragrant, and is soft and delicious when eaten.

As my mother became more and more proficient in flower arranging, I became more and more innovative in the medicinal uses and recipes of flowers. I could independently prepare a table of flowers, plum crystal cheese, magnolia sweet flo, and lily within two hours. Salad, rose sponge cake, jasmine tea, from porridge to vegetables to desserts to honey drinks are all made of flowers, which are colorful, delicious and fragrant. When I dedicate them to Yizhong and watch him feast on them, that is the happiest moment for me. "I've never eaten such a delicious thing." Yizhong would praise like this every time, heartlessly, forgetting the gluttony last time.

I stood aside and smiled, feeling warm in my heart, as if the sun was shining on me. "How can I thank you for eating such delicious food from you?" "Take me to the movies." I replied loudly.Sometimes they say: "Go to Qinglong Temple to see the cherry blossoms." Or, "Go to a Thai restaurant to try dishes." Using this method to cheat time and time again, I regard them as appointments, and record each date in the diary, just like the first rose at the age of twelve, and cherish it forever and remember it in my heart. The business of "Flower Love" is getting better and better. Not only has it expanded its presence, it has also undertaken the perennial supply of flowers from several big hotels, and hired a few more employees to take care of the purchase and delivery. It looks very large.

This is thanks to a gentleman surnamed Xing, who introduced all of my mother's clients.As for himself, he came to buy flowers every now and then, and he didn't explain who they were giving them to, but just asked them to wrap them up without even looking at them.Once I picked a lot of dead branches in the bouquet as a prank, he didn't notice it, and he didn't mention it afterwards.I suspect that he never gave those flowers to anyone, and he didn't even open them. He came to the flower shop not for flowers, but for human beings——Although my mother is nearly forty years old, she is still very charming.

I somewhat hope that my mother can remarry. Every woman is a flower and must be watered.Mom can't just serve the flowers, she also needs to be cared for and accompanied by someone who treats her like a flower. I also tested my words once or twice, but my mother hesitated and asked me instead: "I heard from your brother Yizhong that you seem to be in love. Is it true? You are about to go to university, so don't be distracted." "Elder brother said that?" I was startled, and asked the bottom line, "How did he know? Why did he mention this? How did he say it? What was his attitude when he said it?" "It's just a small talk. I said that I met you and a boy surnamed He on the East Street, and he bought you ice cream. Is there such a thing?" Although my mother asked like this, she was not really nervous. Just use the bamboo scissors to prune the overgrown branches and leaves of the hibiscus. But my heart was floating up and down, unable to settle down for a long time.Eldest brother told mom that I'm in love, what does that mean?Is he jealous, is he unhappy? When Yizhong came again, I purposely asked that boy to pick me up to the theater at the same time, in fact, I wanted Yizhong to watch a play well. But the little boy was five minutes late. When he came in, I was playing Go with the big brother, and the fight was inextricable. I asked him to wait until the game was over. He sat on the sidelines and waited boredly, flipping through books and watching TV, and occasionally walked around twice, but he obviously had no knowledge or interest in the knowledge of black and white. I suddenly lost all my affection for him: such a stuffy man, disheveled, with a wrinkled shirt, a little beard and soft hair growing on his chin, which he refused to shave off to be mature, wearing trousers and leather shoes , but the light blue socks were exposed, and he didn’t stand or sit, his legs were shaking all the time, and he didn’t have any composure.Nowhere is it like Yizhong, with firm brows, green chins, playing chess like a sword, playing balls, whether playing chess or checking pulse, he is calm and calm, and he is equally devoted and happy when playing and working, no matter how you look at it. Finally a game of chess was over, the boy let out a long sigh of relief, I was even more displeased, it was your turn to gasp to express my impatience, I simply pretended not to notice, and said casually: "One game is not a loss, two games It's not counted as winning, but you have to play three sets to enjoy yourself. Whatever the big brother says today, you have to play three sets with me." Before Yizhong could speak, he had already spoken first: "But I have been waiting for more than an hour." I put on a straight face: "I also waited for you for five minutes. It was you who were late that reminded me to play chess." "It's only been five minutes, but..." "Is there a difference?" I didn't even look at him, I pushed the teacup in front of Yizhong, "Brother, mom said that you have had a cold these two days, this is the sweet-scented osmanthus and orange peel tea that I specially made for you. Cough, drink a few more glasses." The boy finally understood, but he still didn't understand. He picked up his coat and said, "It's my fault that I'm late. I'll come back another day." I have already turned my back to reorganize the chessboard. Yizhong laughed loudly: "This kid will remember never to be late for the rest of his life." The laugh stopped, and he asked, "Why are you so harsh? You tricked people into coming and letting them go?" "Who made him late." "It's not because of being late." Yizhong looked at me as if he had seen through me, and I suddenly became very nervous.I just heard him say: "It's because you don't like this boy at all. The way you like someone is not like this. There is no passion in your eyes. When you play chess, you don't even look at him from the corner of your eyes. Like someone and become picky, but you're not, he's gone, and you don't care." I took a deep breath and felt the heart-piercing pain.He can see that I don't like that boy, but why can't he see that I like him?From the age of 12 to 17, I gave him all my passions, and in my heart, I couldn't let go of other people.Why can't he see it? Perhaps, it is because I have been looking at him so passionately from the age of 12 to 17 that he is used to it. Can't you see that the deep infatuation is not simply a little girl's love for her big brother? I looked up: "Indeed, I didn't intend to go to the movies with him. I asked him out, just thinking you would be jealous." "What are you talking about?" Yizhong was greatly surprised, "Do you understand what you are talking about?" "I understand. Of course I understand." I looked at him fieryly, and confessed desperately, "As early as when I was 12 years old, I already understood, Yizhong, I like you. I told you a long time ago, I want you to wait for me and marry you when I grow up. But you didn't wait, you couldn't wait to get married, and the bride is not me!" Yizhong's face turned from red to white, from white to blue, and after a while, he picked up his coat, turned around and walked out. From then on, the weekly report was over, and Yizhong would never come to drink my Baihua porridge, nor would she take me to the movies or try restaurants. I deeply regretted it, and hid in the greenhouse and cried so dryly. Ever since Yizhong got married, I had the habit of going to the conservatory to cry when I was sad.My tears have become the best nourishment for those flowers, and the fragrance of the flowers is full of a sad taste. Bai Shao asked: "Brother Yizhong hasn't come for a long time?" Mom said: "We have a family, how can we let them come to accompany us all weekends? Besides, Xiao Lizi is pregnant and cannot live without people around him. There are many things in the clinic, so he must be very busy." Xiao Lizi is a perfect match for Yizhong's wife, nurse, and doctor, and now she is the proprietress of Yizhong's clinic——Yizhong opened a clinic on Wenyi North Road, just across the street from her mother's flower shop, and the shop is not big , the scale is not comparable to that of my father back then, but it has gradually made a name for itself. I don't like Xiao Lizi, not because she is Mrs. Song, but because she knows too well that she is Mrs. Song, and she always mentions her husband's name: "Our family is Yizhong, call him careless, remember my due date Clearer than anything else, he watched me take medicine three times a day; said he is careful, but he always can’t remember what I like to eat. He is willing to cook, but every meal is the same, sometimes I don’t want to Eat, I can't bear to see his sweaty face." "Our Jiayizhong" is long and "Our Jiayizhong" is short, so I can't help but not get angry.Of course Yizhong is your family, that’s right, but what is the same little girl showing off? But maybe she didn't think I was a little girl.Only she didn't treat me like a little girl.Maybe she is the one who knows my heart best, who knows? No matter how much I don’t like her, I still have to call her sister-in-law. When she gave birth, I brought fruits, flowers, eggs, and supplements to visit her, smiling all over my face, and saying congratulations—I really don’t want to be so hypocritical, but other than that, what excuse do I have? To see Yizhong? Every time I went to help my mother's flower shop, I always got off the bus one stop earlier and walked the entire Wenyi Road from north to south. Never met Yizhong once. The door of his clinic was sometimes closed and sometimes ajar. He often saw different people coming in and out, and once he even saw Xiao Lizi greeting guests at the door from a distance.After giving birth, she gained a lot of weight, and she never lost weight again. She spoke a lot louder, and she could be heard laughing across the street—but she never met Yizhong to come out and meet me face to face. That's the way it is, right? But I still refused to give up, I just grew up silently, waiting to grow into a beautiful woman who would attract Yizhong's eyes. Sometimes I steal Bai Shao’s cosmetics to use, put on eyeshadow and lipstick in front of the mirror, practice winking, and blow kisses with fingers to lips, imagining that Yizhong is the audience on the opposite side. I especially like watching Hong Kong and Taiwan romance TV series. When I have nothing to do, I cry while holding Qiong Yao or Jin Yong's novels. I specially bought a beautiful diary with a satin cover and dark pattern paper, and wrote one letter after another to Yizhong, knowing that I would never send it. I don't know how many girls grew up in the fantasy of love like me, but I bet, I am the only girl who loves as deeply and as bitterly as I do.Because, in this world, there is only one Yizhong. When the neighbors saw me, they all jokingly said, "No wonder Aunt Fang works in a flower shop. My daughter really looks like a flower." My mother laughed: "Then you open a gold shop tomorrow, and my son will definitely make a lot of money." "If my son really makes a lot of money, can you give me your daughter as a wife?" I lowered my face, and as soon as I turned around and went out, I heard the long-tongued woman still giggling behind me: "I'm not ashamed, look at the shame, I hide when I hear that I'm looking for a son-in-law, this is young, in another two years , jumping up, if you don't find her, she still cries and complains that you have delayed her." Married women are so annoying, they don't wait for others to listen to what they say, no wonder Jia Baoyu said that married women are dead fish eyes.It's fishy and stupid and noisy. I thought of Mrs. Song and Xiao Lizi, and wondered if in a few years, she would be so long-winded and disgusting.She is about twenty-six or seventeen years old this year, and she will be a little old woman in ten years, and I am at the right age, so if I compete with her by then, she will definitely not be my opponent. In another ten years, maybe it won't be that long, maybe five years will be enough, isn't it said that men have thirty-one flowers, and women have thirty bean curds?Five years from now, Xiao Li will be dead, and Yizhong will still be in full bloom, just a perfect match for me.When we walk on the street, we must be a perfect match, and we must match as many as we like. I walked on the road of literature and art lined with flowers, imagining how happy and comfortable it would be if I had Yizhong by my side.The sun was shining warmly on my body, and the scent of gardenias was wafting in the wind.Oh Yizhong Yizhong, how I love you. Bai Shao began to fall in love, and spent all his spare time in dances and cafes, meeting me at night and picking out a few photos. "Xiao Zhao is not bad, he looks very handsome, but his family background is too poor. His parents are both retired workers, so it is not constructive for marriage at all." "Xiaoqian's father is the chief of the bureau, but this man's character is too hateful. He is machismo, and he doesn't know how to take responsibility at all. He always likes to make decisions for others." "Xiao Sun is talented and good-looking, but he is rigid, stupid, and doesn't understand romance at all. If he faces him for decades, he won't starve to death or freeze to death, but he might suffocate to death." "Xiao Li seems to be interested in chasing me, but he is not active enough, or should I give him some hints? I like the feeling of many people chasing me. It's good to keep it as a memory in the future." "Hey, who should I choose?" I don't have this kind of trouble, I never have to hesitate about choosing someone, I have already decided - Song Yizhong, only Song Yizhong, except for Senior Brother Yizhong, I will not be second-guessed in this life. As a result, in the spring of the following year, my sister married Xiao Zhou and formally broke up with Zhao Qian, Sun Li, leaving only a lot of memories. I think she will never be lonely in her old age, even if she has to turn into a yellow-faced woman with dead fish eyes, but after all, she has a moment to be a pearl, which is the best gift for a beautiful woman to be better than an ugly woman. I personally tied the flower ball wreath for her, prepared the essence and petals for her petal bath, and used silk thread to decorate the bride's wedding dress with small roses and gardenias, while softly reciting: "Rou Ke cut green, butterflies fly together Arise. Who fell into the path of jade tin flowers? Fragrance brings fragrance to the wind and water. Luhong drips down autumn branches, and gold mud does not stain Zen clothes. The knot is formed, and the spring of teaching has gone for a long time." My sister asked, "What are you muttering about?" "A poem, Song Wu Wenying's "Qing Ping Le", chanting gardenias, a good omen. Didn't you have to read some hair-combing songs when sending the bride to comb her hair before, what's "one comb to the end, two combs to the end" Where's, I don't know those, I will read an auspicious word for you." My sister put her arms around me and said, "In this day and age, there are very few girls who like poetry and poetry and are willing to do handicrafts. I don't know who will be lucky enough to marry my sister in the future." At Bai Shao's wedding ceremony, Yizhong was invited to be the master of ceremonies, and I was the bridesmaid. When picking up the bride, he saw me first, didn't recognize me for a moment, and said bluntly, "I'm already dressed? She's the most beautiful bride I've ever seen." I looked at him and just smiled and didn't speak. He didn't know what to do. Then he regained his composure and reacted. He said, "So it's Xiaobaishu, long time no see. She's a big beauty. I can't even recognize him." He pulled me to the mirror and said, "Does it look like a little fairy?" I'm wearing a bridesmaid's gauze, which is slightly pink in the white. If you don't compare it, you look like a little bride at first glance, only missing the flower crown on your head.And Yizhong stood beside me in a suit and leather shoes, imposing, tall and straight, really a standard groom.I burst into tears suddenly. How I wish, how I wish this is my wedding with Yizhong. He is the groom and I am the bride. From now on, I will hold his hand and step on the red carpet and walk through this life together. From the age of twelve to nineteen, the only person I wanted to marry was Yizhong.An ideal has been promised too many times, repeated too many times, and the fake has become true, not to mention that I really love him, love him intensely, and completely forget myself. Oh, I'm nineteen years old. Flowers are inseparable from weddings, and weddings are inseparable from tears. Mom was drunk that night and was okay at the wedding reception, just complaining of being dizzy.My sister got on the float, and my mother went home with Yizhong and me.Before entering the door, she was still consciously thanking Yizhong, but she suddenly became confused when she fell on the bed, and called my father's name loudly, and murmured: "Old Bai, come and see, our eldest daughter is married. Finally married." My tears fell down, my body became weak, and I knelt by my mother's bed and cried so hard that I couldn't lift my head. Yizhong patted me on the shoulder and led me to the sofa in the living room. The wheel of time suddenly turned back, as if back in childhood, I threw myself into his arms, tears streaming down unrestrainedly, crumpling the clothes on his chest. He stroked my long hair, sighed one after another, and then fell silent. We just sat there quietly, he didn't move, didn't speak, and put his hand on my head until it was completely dark. In the darkness, my heart was so quiet, tears soaked his thin shirt, clearly felt the warmth of his chest muscles through the shirt, and heard his heartbeat. Many years later, I thought, it was impossible for him not to love me at that moment. No man can sit in the dark with a woman in his arms for so long without speaking without thinking about love. His heart beats clearly under my eardrums, separated only by a layer of skin and a shirt. Although he didn't say he loves me, his heart told me. I can hear you.hear clearly.