Chapter 13 Twelve Twenty Seven: Fallen Angels

Still the same Shanghai, or the same Nanjing Road. Half a century ago, Xiong Jiu of the People's Liberation Army passed here in high spirits. All the windows along the street were opened, and the ladies waved their little handkerchiefs from the windows. Bi Tao also waved her hands and smiled, not for any reason, just following the crowd.She had her hair cut, short and close to her ears.No make-up, a very plain face, with an empty smile, mixed in different windows, different faces, easily obliterated, and there is nothing outstanding. Her face was no longer as bright as it used to be.After all, she went to work as a female worker in the factory, and married the accountant of the factory.He had met Bi Tao once before, at the parade of dancing girls.He knew from people's tips and comments that she was the top brand of "Paramount", and knew that if he wanted to spend the night with her, he would have to use up all his savings.After he calculated, he could only shake his head secretly.

In fact, he never thought about going to "Paramount", that kind of place was never something he could step into, but for some reason, when others talked about Bitao and Yinqian, he couldn't help but put himself in it and secretly forget it an account.He was caught in the crowd, and when he heard them chanting the names and prices of those dancing girls, he felt an indescribable envy and hatred.He looked at everyone with jealous eyes, guessing whether they had an intimate night with that dancer named Betao, but he quickly denied this idea in his heart, because seeing those people Dressing is not much better than myself, and it is also impossible to get involved in such a noble dancer.

In his mind, nobility means more money, high means "expensive", expensive is "expensive", nobility means more expensive than expensive, spending a lot of money to buy very expensive things or people.And Bi Tao is undoubtedly "noble", because a night of lingering with her can consume half of his life savings.And, even if he was willing to spend a lot of money to fight for this night of fun, there is not enough money to pave the way for this night. Maybe he could dance with her at the Paramount for a fraction of the money instead of spending the night.But this is impossible, because he can't dance, and he doesn't want to spend so much money on suits and shoes.

These kinds of impossibilities added points to her in his heart, making him regard her as a super slut, who was too slutty to be enjoyed by ordinary people, which shows how slutty she is. When a person longs for another person to the extreme, there are usually two emotions: what Bitao does to the young master is called admiration; what Accountant Wu is like to Bitao is called hatred. Accountant Wu secretly hated the red dancer Bi Tao in his heart, he gritted his teeth with hatred, and hated it deeply.He used all the most vicious words in the world to curse her, hoping that she would be unlucky sooner and turn into a rotten peach, rotten in the mud, and never turn over again.

When he cursed and hated her like this, he would feel a little bit of pleasure, and would feel a little closer to her, so close that he could have her right at his fingertips.Looking down—yes, he looked down at her, lowered his body, picked her up, and she became his. He had such a dream every night until it came true. Dreams can really come true.When Bitao appeared in the factory where he worked as an accountant, when she appeared in the factory in plain clothes and turned into an ordinary female worker, how ecstatic he was, his facial features were shifted, he was so ecstatic that he wanted to scream loudly , dancing.

But he didn't do that. He suppressed himself with all his strength, passed by her side coldly, and even bumped her body lightly on purpose.He bumped into the part of her arm, and felt that there was a trace of warmth from that part to his arm, clinging there, attached there, until the dead of night, that kind of warmth was still obediently obediently in the crook of the arm superior. The process of proposing was very simple and smooth.He entrusted the eldest sister of the trade union to talk about the matter, and once he said it, it was done. My beloved was walking under the sky of Shanghai, thinking of my previous marriage, she shrugged slightly, wrapped her windbreaker tightly, and subconsciously thought: I wonder if it will snow in winter in Shanghai?

In Shanghai, snow is as rare as true love.Exists almost only in legends.I heard that there was a snowfall in 1917, and there was no second time in the hundred years before and after. The first snow of winter is always something to look forward to.Autumn is getting older and more bleak, which makes people very impatient, but they are still reluctant to enter winter, just like a middle-aged widow who has entered menopause with a bad temper but refuses to accept the old, it is disturbing. At this time, the new snow It's like an order, and like the opening of a new store, with a clear banner of winter's designation, which makes people's hearts calm down, and they can calmly face the coming cold.

As soon as my beloved opened his mouth, clear white air was exhaled, and quickly dispersed into the air. Maybe the weather wasn't that cold, but the cloud of white air really squeezed the cold feeling into her heart, making her feel even more unbearable, and even the bones were filled with air-conditioning. I can’t help but think of the countryside in winter, the hunger, the cold, the endless clouds, and the loveless childhood—the nostalgia of the previous life, even if it is buried in the deepest part of my heart, it is like an internal injury and cannot be forgotten. ——However, even that kind of poverty is still better than today, because at that time, there was still hope in my heart.

No matter how cold winter is, there is an end.Minor cold, severe cold, rain, stinging stings - when the stinging stings, all the insects will wake up, and spring will follow, the wind is getting warmer, the river is thawing, the fields are full of yellow rapeseed, spring planting and autumn harvesting, no matter how little The harvest is also the harvest, some is better than nothing. In the present and present life, there is truly nothing. In the year when Lu Kefan got married, the plane that his beloved parents were on crashed, and even the bones were not found.My beloved went crazy when he heard the news.She rushed out of the house, yelled and ran, and never went back.

She no longer has a home.A house without parents is not a home. She also has no love.The man she loved married another woman. She didn't even have a reason to live.She asked the angel and the devil: "Take me away, whether you go to heaven or hell, take me now." But they refused her. The angel tried hard to advise: "If he doesn't love you, you should love yourself even more. It's better to forget about Lu Kefan and don't be too persistent. People can't always live in the past. Living in the past is the same as not having lived." The devil's general: "You don't want to repeat your life, why do you want to do it all over again? I'm willing to take the bet, why do you complain?"

However, Xinai does not accept the persuasion, let alone the provocateur. "The King of Hades wants you to die on the third watch, and you must not delay until the fifth watch." The date of death is predetermined, and it cannot be delayed or brought forward.Guarded by angels and demons, she doesn't even have the power to commit suicide. The only thing she can decide is to fall. She started to wander, making her home all over the world, playing games with her life.Between day and night, drunk and awake, south and north, aimlessly. Kefan got married and his parents passed away.She no longer had a reason to cheer up.She doesn't have to cherish and keep herself for anyone.She finally turned back to the "Paramount" prostitute in her previous life, dancing from one man's arms to another man's arms. Is fate really unchangeable?The wind and dust in the previous life are doomed to fall in this life?Even more unrestrained than in the previous life. Because at that time it was forced, but in this life it is voluntary. Sober depravity is only more lamentable than ignorance. At the entrance of the alley, someone was burning paper money, praying to the Quartet, offering rice porridge and ghosts passing by. As Xinai looked at it, she felt that endless ghosts were about to come out in all directions, her heart trembled, and she couldn't move her feet.Shanghai is a materialistic city, from the past to the present, and even the ghosts are more fierce than other places. She thought that if she hadn't been reborn immediately after death, she didn't know how long she would have wandered. However, to be alive is still a kind of wandering. She hugged her shoulders, feeling at a loss, maybe she should go to a warmer city, Dali?Lijiang?Hainan?Or Guilin, which is like spring all the year round? She is 27 years old. 27 years old, five years before death.She has only the last five years left to live. But she doesn't care.She is not afraid of death.She even longed for death to come sooner. She has no plans for her future, her heart is like ashes, she drifts with the water, from shore to shore, maybe it will be a lifetime. In the past two years, she traveled through many cities, kept changing her name, worked as a bar girl, dancer girl, hair salon girl, and escort girl. Smoking, gambling, if you lose, you will pay for your debts, you can spoil yourself as much as you can, and you don't know who you are taking revenge on, whether it is an angel or a devil. The angel sighed: "She finally approaches you day by day." However, the devil had no sense of accomplishment, and felt unbearable and regretful for the first time: "How did she become like this?" "Because of falling out of love. She is not an ordinary girl. The only purpose of her coming to this world is Lukefan. If she can't get Lukefan, she will lose the whole world and the meaning of living. She can't find her direction." "Then what are you doing? Aren't you guiding her?" There was almost a sense of blame in the devil's tone. The angel shook his head: "Her love is dead, cut off the connection between me and her, I can no longer help her. Now, the only person who can help her is herself." "That's why I have always said that your so-called love is the most boring and fragile thing. It dies faster than life, and can promote the end of life." The devil has a well-thought-out plan and concluded: "Love is equal to death." "It's not like this. Love and death sometimes go hand in hand, sometimes they go against each other, and sometimes they follow each other. Love promotes life, and death can't overcome it. It's like the reincarnation of true love, because her love has Huge power, even surpassing life and death; but now, her love has withdrawn from her life, so life has become eclipsed. This does not mean that love does not exist, or is weak or even incapable, but just On the contrary, it just proves the great power of love from a failed example. It is like life exists only because of death, and love exists only because of loss. The greatest tragedy will instead arouse people's desire for a better life. The longing is the same reason." The devil was confused and impatient: "I don't want to listen to your nonsense. What I want to do most now is to teach that kid a lesson. I really want to catch him and go to hell right now, fry him dry, fry him .” The devil started the stir-fry again, he could almost hear the sound of the meat being scorched on the chopping board. The imagination of "fried ghosts" excited him, and he couldn't help but sneer sinisterly. The angel stopped him with a headache: "Lu Kefan's death is still far away, you can't act without authorization." The devil was disappointed: "Then what can we do now?" "Or let them meet once?" They can't decide life or death, but it's easy to arrange a chance encounter with mortals. So, that night, in Guilin, while Lu Kefan was filming, the same group of siblings came to the most famous local romantic venue "Hundred Birds Bar", and met his beloved who is a red card—her name here is Fenghuang. She didn't grow old, but she just had a feeling of being white and dusty. Before, her eyebrows were picturesque, but now they are all painted.A face is still beautiful, but there is no light in the eyes.Gorgeous makeup, long hair flowing over the forehead like a waterfall, half covering the face like holding a pipa.Seeing someone coming, she nodded slightly, and a waterfall rippled. There was obviously no sadness or joy on her face, but the shadows were on and off, but it seemed to be full of amorous feelings.Coldly, unwilling to smile easily, but the eye shadow and lip gloss have done a "welcome" gesture before the smile. When you don't smile, you seem to be smiling, but when you smile, there is no warmth at all. Lu Kefan was terrified, he was not so panic-stricken, as for stuttering: "Dear, you..." The expression in her eyes was extremely complicated, like a huge wave, but finally calmed down, she only raised an eyebrow: "I'm not called beloved, I'm..." Then she smiled: "Anyway, you guests who are grooms every night can't remember It's useless to tell you whoever Huanghua lived in yesterday." He also suspected that he had admitted the wrong person.He wished he had admitted the wrong person. How can you believe that this seductive woman in front of you is truly in love? But the long eyebrows flying into the temples, the straight and slightly protruding nose, the faint almond-shaped eyes, and the small round swollen mouth clearly belong to her.They were born in the same year, the same month, the same day, childhood sweethearts, and love each other. He knows every bit of the most secret and subtle features of her body. How could he have misidentified her? Holding a cup of "Tazhulapao" that was no longer frothy, he caught her butterfly-like figure wearing flowers and butterflies from a distance through the feasting and feasting, and felt a burst of acupuncture pain in his heart.This used to be his woman, why did she fall like this? A companion followed his gaze and teased with great interest: "Kefan, she is the type you like. Don't you think she is a bit like your former superstar girlfriend, True Love? True Love has disappeared for so many years, aren't you everywhere?" Are you looking for her? How about playing tricks?" The camera assistant interjected: "The appearance is three-dimensional, but the identity is heaven and earth. You underestimated Kefan too much. Although he is romantic, he never touches girls." Happy girls!Lovely, pure and perfect like an angel, a talented painter, an international superstar, true love, has degenerated into a happy girl! No wonder he couldn't find her all these years, and he didn't hear any news about her when he asked around.Does she have any difficulties?She is short of money?Did she do drugs, or gamble? With my beloved net worth, if I don't go to the wrong side, no matter how much I spend, I won't be able to cut down on food and clothing.Why did she humiliate herself like this? Lu Kefan was stunned, inexplicably lost, with a deep sense of frustration.This is the woman he really loved. She used to be a superstar genius, but now she is living in prostitution. How can he feel so bad? He no longer has the heart to sit at a banquet, he reasoned that he had a headache and left the group first, but he lingered in front of the "Hundred Birds Bar", quietly watching the arrival of midnight, watching the end of the wine and singing, and watching the late return of the drunken woman . Dance to the heart of the willow building and the moon, and sing to the wind at the bottom of the peach blossom fan.He didn't know how long she had been alone in such a day? When she passed his car, he stopped her and said, "Follow me." "Follow you?" She squinted at him, her makeup was shattered, her lips were still cold, her eyes were teasing: "300 for the introduction, 500 for the overnight stay. If the boss is satisfied, you can give the tip as you like." "beloved……" He whimpered suddenly, feeling pain that he had never felt before, piercing his heart and lungs. "My dear, come back with me, let me help you. No matter what you have done these years, I will not care about it. Let's start from scratch..." She stared blankly at him, tears welling up in her eyes. Come back with me.This is the promise she spent her whole life waiting to pursue.But how can she accept it again? He doesn't care about her.Why should he care about her?Even if he doesn't care, can she not care? From the beginning, where is the head?Did it fall from the ground up, or did it return to the previous life and come back to life again? Even if he would, she wouldn't.She has been tired of loving, hurt so badly, and has no strength to love. "Where are you going back? What are you doing? Maid or mistress?" She swallowed tears, with a mocking smile on her lips, "Aren't you afraid that your standard good wife will call?" "I'm already divorced." Ke Fan smiled wryly, "Gu Xianxian has become a singer now, haven't you heard?" She was slightly taken aback.She hadn't heard of it.She no longer cares about any entertainment news, so as not to hear Lu Kefan's name.Wherever he passed, she would avoid him, but she never expected that they would meet again here. Lu Kefan explained his short marriage history in a few words, his tone was flat, as if nothing had happened: "Xianxian married me, but to borrow arrows for straw boats, and the purpose is to break into the entertainment industry. I made her perfect. It's normal, I used you in the same way back then .Obliged to pay back the money, but I paid the wrong person.” use.He finally uttered the word clearly, acknowledging his use and indebtedness to her. In this life, all the people and things he encountered were just you using me and I using you.There is only true love, but it is to give to him without asking for anything, without resentment, without anger, eternal forgiveness and dedication. But on his wedding day, she finally got angry too.She didn't accuse him, take revenge on him.Her only resistance was to let herself disappear, and she would no longer accompany his life.When she left, he knew that she had already been a part of his life.He was like that, reluctant to part with her. Especially when he heard that both Mr. Zhen and Mrs. Zhen died in the plane crash, he was shocked, how much he cherished his beloved, he just wanted to rush to her as soon as possible, to accompany her, comfort her, and protect her. However, he couldn't find her. He couldn't imagine how his true love who became an orphan overnight spent the darkest days of his life, and he wished he could share it with her.She wasn't at home, she didn't go back to Hollywood, she disappeared from the entertainment industry, where did she go? He never thought that they would meet again in such a situation! All the unbearable and reluctance gathered at the climax like a volcanic eruption at the moment of the long-awaited reunion, gushing out. "Dear, beloved." He choked up and recited her name over and over again, staring intently until the coldness and resistance in her eyes softened little by little, and finally let him hold her hand meekly, and drove all the way to By the Li River. In the early winter, it is still cold, the moon is setting and the stars are sinking, the water is fresh and the wind is light, and there is no sound.They looked at each other for a long time without saying a word, and then he stretched out his hand to touch her long hair lightly, as if carefully touching a precious porcelain bottle.First her eyebrows, her eyes, her face, her lips, her neck... Her tears slid down. He seems to be a god, and she is the sleeping beauty waiting for the god to wake up. Wherever he touches, she becomes alive, vivid and warm little by little.Meixing's eyes, which had seen all the bustling smoke, returned to the simplicity and brightness of her youth, but they were clearly more charming and thirsty than before, primitive and hot, and finally burned him and burned himself. Human nature and animal nature, lust and sexual desire, love and hate, lovesickness and longing, guilt and sadness are all entangled at this moment, turning into a huge force, making him feel urgent like the end of the world.On the riverside in the quiet night, in the back seat of the car, he finally entered her body again, and at the same time, it seemed that there was also a memory tunnel leading to the past. In the struggle and coercion, between advance and retreat, his mind flickered and flickered, and finally approached the center of the secret, approached the root of fate. The world is so big, at this moment he only owns her, and she only belongs to him.All passions and perceptions are awakened, all memories and desires explode here, all betrayals and debts are clear, and all loneliness and longings are fulfilled.With the most primitive desire and the most vicissitudes of hatred, with regret and compensation, their intertwined bodies sweat like rain, lingering to death, this is the first rendezvous of the beginning of the world, and the last carnival of the end of the world. A sleepless night. But at the beginning of dawn, when night and dawn alternated, he still fell asleep. Wake up, she is no longer.The compartment was filled with tobacco, perfume and each other's body odor, there were traces of carnival everywhere, and the seat cushion was still warm, but the obsessed and desperate woman had disappeared. On the window glass, a line of words was painted with lipstick like blood: "REMBER ME!" remember me!Such a humble and desperate request! He couldn't help suspecting that all her sinking and struggling, all her scheming and longing, all her escape and return were just to make him remember her.He is a man without eternity, you cannot make him loyal forever, only let him be unforgettable forever.Therefore, love made her go to extremes and spare no effort. remember her! On the riverside at dawn, the sound of the water is silent, the birds are singing, everything is peaceful and beautiful, but he suddenly burst into tears.For the first time in his life, he seriously thought about the topic of love. For the first time, he thought of the so-called loyalty, so-called persistence, and so-called eternity... He had a feeling that he failed her, not just in this life. That night, when he came to "Bainiao Bar" again, she had already resigned.In fact, he should have thought of it earlier, but he just couldn't help it. just can't help it...