Chapter 12 Chapter Eleven
Nothing is important now, whether it is love or hate, it is not worth this moment when we are together.
During those few days, I searched the Internet for information about going to Xinjiang at home. When browsing the web, I accidentally found a post titled "The late famous composer Yesha is suspected of embezzling other people's works" on the front page of the music section of a portal website. Hundreds of words, but attracted thousands of comments, and the posting time did not exceed 24 hours!
The full text of the post is as follows:
I broke out in a cold sweat.Looking at the comments on the thread, there are different opinions, and there are all kinds of opinions. I only feel my heart tightening, and the hand holding the mouse begins to tremble.
...
"It turned out to be embezzlement. It was too shocking. I have always admired Geng Mochi's music."
"It was stolen by his wife, so it has nothing to do with Geng Mochi himself?"
"Upstairs, the wife stole other people's music, how could the husband not know?"
"Paper can't contain fire."
"Seek the truth!"
"Greatly, it's a couple working together to deceive people and cheat money!"
"Please leave some morals to the dead."
"The dead should be respected, but we loyal fans also have the right to know the truth, right?"
"Only Yesha knows the truth. I don't know if she will wake up from the grave when she sees the news."
"You guys are so boring, is it meaningful to talk about this when everyone is dead?"
"Geng Mochi and his wife seem to have a very good relationship. I've seen reports about them in magazines before, and the husband and wife sing together."
"Upstairs, Geng Mochi already has a new love. His current girlfriend is a radio host from Hunan, surnamed Bai."
"Really, isn't Xinhuan beautiful?"
"Oh my god, it can't be the anchor Bai of the Art Channel, is she Geng Mochi's girlfriend?"
"The news upstairs is out of date. Geng Mochi's girlfriend has changed a few times. It seems that the current girlfriend even held a wedding with him."
...
Trembling, I called Jinyi, unexpectedly, Jinyi was very calm, saying that she had read the news on the Internet, she didn't know what was going on, and asked me not to believe the false news on the Internet, Geng Mochi's Assistants will take care of that.
"Then why hasn't the post been deleted? How much impact will it have? Jinyi, how is Mochi doing now? Has he read the news?" I was in a panic, even though I had heard such rumors more than once , but they are all just guesses, including the last time Geng Mochi was questioned by the audience when he came to the radio station to do a program. Got this thrill.
"Kao'er, don't worry about these things." Jin Yi didn't seem to want to say anything more.
"Then tell me the truth, is this true? You and Mo Chi grew up together, you should know his affairs very well, and you also said that you and Ye Sha went to the same school when they were young, you I don't know..."
"Kao'er, of course it's not true!" Jin Yi interrupted me resolutely, looking extremely calm, "Don't worry about this matter, it has nothing to do with you, no matter who wrote those songs, after all, they have been passed down to the world It’s over, it doesn’t matter who wrote it. I believe the matter on the Internet will subside soon, so don’t inquire about it again, okay?”
I started to cry, "Jinyi, how could I ignore it? I'm going to Shanghai to see Mochi, I'll go tomorrow..."
"Kao'er! Aren't you making trouble by coming here now? You can't solve the problem even if you come here. Listen to me, don't worry about anything, don't ask anything. This matter will be handled by Mochi himself. His gang People are very efficient. Milan just came back from Europe last week, and he is here every day, and Mochi is negotiating with her..."
"Why negotiate with her? Could it be related to her?"
"Kao'er, I beg you not to ask, okay?"
"Jinyi..."
"Trust me, he'll handle it."
For several days in a row, I forced myself not to surf the Internet or read the newspaper.I try to distract my attention with other things, I'm afraid that after reading those posts and comments, I really can't help but go to Shanghai to find Geng Mochi, Jin Yi is right, I will only add to the chaos by going there at this time, and I also believe in Geng Mochi's ability.However, I am still worried.
It’s okay when I’m busy with work during the day, but it’s uncomfortable to stay at home alone at night, so I dig out the membership cards I’ve got before to do beauty treatment, fitness, various training classes, or often go shopping alone until midnight.That day Aqing gave me two movie tickets, I finished a round of phone calls, but I couldn't find anyone to accompany me to see them. Yingzhi was in the hospital to accompany her sick mother, Aqing had a social meeting with his husband, and Gao Peng was out of town. , It will take two days to come back, we made an appointment on the phone to take pictures.
There is no way, I can only go alone, since I am idle at home anyway.As a result, as soon as he went out, he ran into Qi Shuli who was walking by the lake. The domineering president was dressed in casual clothes, pacing by the lake with his hands behind his back, "Kaoer, why are you going out so late?"
"Hey, Boss Qi, are you basking in the moon again?"
Qi Shuli laughed out loud, "Kao'er, your words are always so funny."
I didn't have time to pay attention to him, "Then you continue to post." I hurried out after saying that.Qi Shuli stopped me: "Kao'er, you seem to be very busy recently, leaving early and returning late."
With an idea, I turned around, "Frank, are you free tonight?"
"Didn't you see me lounging here?"
"Then why don't you go to the movies with me? Are you interested?" The real situation is that Bi'an Spring is located in the outskirts of the city, and it is difficult to get a taxi when going out. I need a driver and bodyguard.
Qi Shuli smiled happily, "Of course I'm interested, you really invited me?"
"Then hurry up." I stood by the flowerbed and waited for him.
Qi Shuli didn't say anything, and hurried towards the garage, "Okay, wait for me, I'll go drive."
Along the way, Qi Shuli was in a good mood and looked a little flattered, "I didn't expect to be treated like this today, Kaoer, am I dreaming?" A movie made him so excited, I really feel sorry.
After watching the movie, Qi Shuli invited me to Huatian for a midnight snack. It can be seen that he is really in a good mood and full of interest.It was already midnight when I got home, Qi Shuli walked me to the door, looked at me and said, "I am very happy tonight, thank you, Kaoer."
I suddenly felt a little embarrassed, but it was just a movie and he kept talking about it all night. Could it be that I treat him really badly?
"Frank, it's normal for friends to watch a movie. Don't thank you." I also followed his insinuation, "Actually, don't you think it's good for us to get along as friends? We can often go to the movies in the future. , Listen to concerts or something, friendship lasts forever, doesn't it?"
Qi Shuli was stunned for a while, before he came to his senses, "Kaoer, why...why do you insist on giving me a date and then a mallet? You are too offensive."
"It's nice to be friends."
"But there are some things that friends can't do."
"What's up?"
"If we were not friends but lovers, and I sting you occasionally, you wouldn't scold me so badly."
"..."
Qi Shuli pissed me off again. This person really doesn't know what is good or bad. I wanted to deal with the neighbors, but he wanted to confront me. I made it so clear. It's passable, but Qi Shuli's attitude is very clear, he doesn't accept "friends". "I never settle for less," was what he told me that night.
When I went out the next day, I bumped into him again. He seemed to be going out too, well-dressed. "Kao'er, where are you going so early, do you want me to see you off?" He greeted me with a smile, as if the unhappiness of last night didn't happen at all.
I blurted out: "A date."
"A date? With whom?"
"What do you do with whom?"
"It's Gao Peng."
I was secretly surprised, "How do you know his name? Are you investigating me?" I immediately lost my temper, "Hey, Frank, please stay away from me, okay, you don't mind my business!"
"Kao'er, I'm doing this for your own good. You also associate with people like Gao Peng. Don't you know his bad deeds in the past?"
"Oh, Mr. Qi, what right does a person like me have to pick on others? I also have a bad record. You are an elite, stay away from us scumbags, and go where you are cool." I turned and left, too lazy to care he.
"Kao'er, it's time to turn around." Qi Shuli said from behind.
"I will become a Buddha right away!"
"Just for Geng Mochi, is it worth it for you to give up on yourself like this?"
As soon as I heard the name, I felt a sharp pain in my heart, and turned to look at him, "Why do you say that I give up on myself? Everyone has the right to choose their own way of life. How I live and who I associate with are my freedom. In fact, I don't think I'm giving up on myself, I'm actively living every day, I'm a good man, understand?"
"What? Congliang?" Qi Shuli was stunned, and he laughed, "So you want to be 'congliang', but I have been your neighbor for so long, and I didn't realize that you were 'not good'? You are It's too capricious...and any non-good woman usually doesn't talk about 'being good', so from this point of view, you don't have the basic qualities to be a non-good woman."
My lungs exploded, "You mean, I'm not qualified enough to be a young lady?"
"You want to be a lady?" He looked me up and down with interest, trying to find fault with me, "I'm afraid I'm not qualified, look at you, you always blow your beard and stare in front of men, you don't know how to cater to others, you This will scare off customers."
I almost took my breath away, "Guest...guest?"
"Aren't you going to be a lady, just treat me as your guest." Qi Shuli did not change his face.
"Bastard!" I cursed, raised my handbag and threw it at him, but with too much force, the whole handbag flew out and fell into the artificial lake behind him.God, my new handbag is worth thousands of oceans!I was so anxious that I jumped up and down by the lake like a monkey, but Qi Shuli was watching the fire from the other side, standing motionless by the lake, not at all anxious, and said richly: "Forget it, you still plan to go down and fish it up. , I’ll pay you a new one.”
"Of course you have to pay, are you still planning to not pay?" I waved my hands more like a monkey.
"I didn't say no compensation, how about paying it now?" He tried to persuade him.
What a shame, I ran into such a plague god early in the morning!But I made an appointment with Gao Peng to take pictures, so I had to finish the work first and then come to him to settle the score. I turned around and left angrily, "I don't have time now, I will come to you when I finish my work!" But after I walked a few steps, I suddenly realized that I was penniless, and immediately turned around and yelled at him, "I don't have any money, not even the money for the car ride, take the money!" Without saying a word, he quickly took out the money. He took out a stack of banknotes from his wallet and gave it to me, "Is it enough? If not, I'll give you another card."
"That's enough!" I stuffed the banknotes into my pocket without even looking at them.
After going out, I stopped the car and went straight to Yuanjialing, where Gao Peng made an appointment to meet me.When I got out of the car to pay, I took out a banknote and gave it to the driver without looking at it, but the driver threw it to me after looking at it, "Miss, I don't have any change."
I said angrily: "You can't find a hundred yuan?"
"Do you think it's a hundred?"
I just looked carefully at the banknotes in my hand. I didn’t know if I didn’t look at it. I almost stopped eating when I saw it, dollars!
"Miss, we drive very hard and we have to support our family. You have no quality to fool me with this kind of fake money." The driver brother was very angry and taught me, "If you don't look decent, I will They took you to the police station."
No doubt this guy mistook the dollar I gave him.I wanted to argue, but he was still very impatient, "Go down, I'll drag you for nothing, don't delay my business, if you keep talking, I'll really drag you to the police station."
I had no choice but to get out of the car with a full stomach, and as soon as my feet hit the ground, the driver stepped on the accelerator suddenly, and stuck out his head and said to me: "Miss, you must be kind, and don't do such immoral things in the future. gone."
Gao Peng just came over, curious, "What's wrong? Who is wicked?"
I replied angrily: "I am wicked!"
Gao Peng laughed loudly, "Aren't I even more wicked?"
Gao Peng's studio is in an abandoned school classroom in Yuanjialing. This was originally a primary school for children of the factory. The school moved to the south of the city with the factory the year before last, but there was no money to demolish the old house and build a new one here, so it had to be rented out.Most of the people who rent these classrooms are foreign businessmen who use them to stockpile goods, and occasionally contractors rent them out for migrant workers.The classroom that Gao Peng rented is on the fourth floor, which is also the top floor. From the outside, it looks the same as other classrooms, but inside it is quite different.There are actually two classrooms connected. Most of the windows are covered by thick green velvet curtains. Huge forest photos are hung on both ends of the classroom. With the green curtains, it feels dark and mysterious like being in a forest.There are sofas and coffee tables in the outer classroom, which may be used for receiving guests, as well as computers and workbenches.
The inside is the studio, it was pitch black, Gao Peng turned on the light, and I was startled, the huge photo hanging on the wall opposite the door was actually a tomb hidden in the depths of the green forest, the tomb was full of roses, those red Xiaohua covered the head of the grave tightly, as if wearing a crown of flowers.I was so horrified that I took a closer look curiously, and saw the European-style tombstone engraved with "Tomb of My Daughter Lisa". I have never seen anyone decorate the room with pictures of the tomb. It is really an art It's a bit confusing.
The room is very tidy, the floor is covered with thick carpets, and some photographic equipment is placed in an orderly manner on the workbench in the corner. There is a sofa next to the door of the room. Gao Peng motioned for me to sit down, while he went to get ready for work.I sat on the sofa, and as soon as I looked up, I saw the tomb hidden among the flowers on the opposite wall. It felt weird and even a little sad.Lisa must be a girl's name. She must have liked roses very much when she was alive, so her relatives planted so many roses on the grave after her death.
"Why did you hang such a photo?" I finally couldn't help asking Gao Peng.
"What's wrong with this photo, isn't it good?" Gao Peng was busy setting up the lights, and looked back at me, "I think it's pretty good, the grave is the quietest place in a person's life, and it's also the cleanest place. Everyone will eventually live in it, and I hang this photo to remind myself that you will die one day, so do what you need to do while you are still alive, enjoy yourself while you are alive, that's what it means!"
Work begins.Gao Peng is a very professional photographer, meticulous and patient. He gently asked me to pose in various poses. The background is the photo of the tomb, with lush green eyes, which makes me feel very strange. It was the first time to take pictures in front of the "grave".
After the photo was taken, the two sat on the carpet and smoked a cigarette. Gao Peng suddenly said, "Do you know whose grave it is?"
"Whose?" I immediately became interested, which is what I was curious about.
"My first girlfriend." Gao Peng flicked the ash into the ashtray next to him, and let out a long sigh, "It's been seventeen or eighteen years since she died, and I can hardly remember what she looked like."
Seeing my astonished expression, he raised his face, squinted at the photo and fell into deep memories, "She is my classmate in junior high school. We got married secretly for four years. Later, her family found out that her father is A businessman, very rich, donated a sum of money to the school and asked the school to expel me. The family was afraid that I would be a bad student, so they asked someone to let me work as an apprentice in a photo studio. But I am still inseparable from her, often Secretly dating, once I was caught, I was beaten up by her father's men, and I lay in bed for half a month and couldn't get up... She wanted to see me, but was locked at home by her father, and she wanted to crawl out The window slipped down the drainpipe, and I stepped on the ground... died, horribly, head first... Her father threatened to kill me, my parents were very honest, they were terrified, so they went I paid a sum of money to send me out of the city. Before I left, I went to her grave to take this picture. For many years, I was wandering outside alone. Although I made a name for myself, I was always unhappy. I changed girlfriends, the most I changed three times in a week, the more I changed, the more empty I got, and I got tired of it..."
"Gao Peng..."
"Kao'er, don't you think we have many similarities, we all gave love to another person, gave each other unreservedly, people were hollowed out. We need each other's comfort, don't we?"
I smiled and nodded.
"You are so poor, you imprisoned yourself in the grave before you died."
Gao Peng laughed at himself, "We are all similar. Although we all have struggles, we still can't get out of the grave we built for ourselves. Unless one day we really lie in the grave, none of us will be able to escape."
"Gao Peng..." As I watched him, my heart suddenly jumped wildly, and a huge idea of adventure popped up in my mind for no reason.
"What's up?"
"Do you... dare to take pictures of my body?"
When I returned to Yalanju in the evening, Xiaosi rushed over as soon as I entered the door and handed me a beautiful packaging bag.I opened it and saw that it was a luxury brand handbag, the latest model, I had seen it in a magazine, and the price would not be less than 30,000.My liver trembled, and I felt that something was wrong. This was obviously for me to take advantage of him, but Xiaosi then handed me a credit card, "Uncle Qi gave it to you."
I took my card and bag and went straight to Jinshuiloutai.
This is the first time I have been to his house. Once I entered, I really understood what strength is. The overwhelming luxury spared no effort to show the owner's wealth to visitors.However, Qi Shuli seems to be more tasteful and did not decorate his home like a nouveau riche. From the color matching to the furniture arrangement, from the ingenious design of two steps above the dining room to the murals on the entire wall of the living room, Qi Shuli's home There is tranquility and nobility in luxury, especially the beige brushed carpet covering the entire living room, the European-style fireplace opposite the sofa, and the glass wall that separates the living room and dining room. I have to admire this unique design , but I don't admire Qi Shuli, he just spends money on it, I believe he doesn't have the ability to design such a decoration style.
"Sit down, don't stand, this is your first time at my house." Qi Shuli's joy was beyond words.He pulled me to sit on the sofa, but my eyes were still looking around, and he said triumphantly, "How about it, is it okay?"
I looked up at the huge crystal chandelier in the living room and nodded repeatedly, "Well, it's not bad."
"I designed it, does it suit your taste?"
My jaw almost hit the ground in shock.He designed it?
"I like to design my own house. No matter how good someone else's design is, it's hard to satisfy me." Qi Shuli got up and played music, which was nice light music, and then he sat back on the sofa next to me and said, "My house in America has The four rooms of this house are all designed and decorated by me, they are very beautiful, you will know when you go to see them."
"You still have this hobby?" I moved my body to the side, feeling very uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I like designing houses very much. I helped design many of my friends' houses... Maybe it's because I wanted to live in a decent house when I was young, but when I grew up, I was wandering all over the world, and I wanted to have a comfortable home, so I'm very keen on this, but no matter how beautifully designed the house is, what's the point of living alone without a woman you love?" He quibbled again.I didn't want to talk nonsense with him, so I put the credit card and bag on the coffee table bluntly, "I can't take it."
"Why can't you ask for it?" He wasn't surprised, obviously he was prepared, "You must have money or a mobile phone in that bag, right? This is normal compensation from me, so don't think about it."
"The stack of banknotes you gave me is enough to make up for my loss, so I can't take this card or bag."
"Don't you like money?"
"I am a woman from a good family."
He laughed, "Are you still angry with me? Just kidding, why are you so serious."
I ignored him, and my eyes were attracted by a small copper figure placed on the fireplace opposite the sofa. I recognized it as Cupid, the god of love in Greek mythology, with his head tilted, buttocks pouted, and the arrow of love held high.The arrow was facing me, so lifelike and cute.I stood up, walked over to pick up Cupid's head swaggeringly, "I've taken a fancy to this little guy, give it to me!" After saying that, I walked towards the door without looking back. "Are you only interested in Cupid?" he asked from behind.
"I didn't fancy you anyway." I turned my back and waved at him, and went straight out the door, twisting Cupid's head felt as comfortable as twisting Qi Shuli's head.
The next morning, I went to the radio station and reported to Lao Cui about the interviews in Xinjiang. After lunch at noon, I started to pack up my things and prepare to fly to Urumqi in two days.Because the weather over there is colder than here, most of what I prepared were thermal products, such as overcoats, down jackets, hats and scarves, sweaters and trousers, antifreeze, etc., stuffed into two full boxes.But I always feel restless, I don't feel at ease, I still think about that post on the Internet, thinking that it's been a few days, things should calm down.Anyway, I haven't seen any reports on the relevant incidents in the local newspapers. With the public relations ability of the people behind Geng Mochi's scenes, at most they just let the rumor-mongers make trouble online. I want to call Jinyi to ask. I have everything in my hand, but let it go.
But what surprised me was that Jin Yi took the initiative to call at noon. I thought she would tell me about the Internet, but she asked, "Kaoer, did Mochi look for you?"
I was startled, "He is looking for me? No..."
"Oh, it's terrible. The ink pond is gone. I don't know where he went. He was supposed to come to the hospital for an examination these days, and we couldn't find anyone else."
"What happened?" I jumped up from the sofa in fright, "Jinyi, speak slowly, why did Mochi disappear? Such a big living person, and he has an assistant by his side, how could he disappear? of……"
"Kao'er, I had no choice but to call you. I'm afraid that Mochi is looking for you. I can't explain the matter here to you in a few words. You must remember that if Mochi looks for you, you No matter what we have to persuade him to come back, he is in very bad physical condition now, he cannot do without medicine, and the weather is so cold, we are very worried about him.”
"What happened, Jinyi!"
"Kao'er, I can't tell you clearly now, Mochi is so pitiful..." I yelled, and Jin Yi began to cry on the phone, "Milan, it's all Milan's fault, this woman is too bad, She is going to kill Mochi. Let me tell you the truth, she is the one spreading rumors online, she is the 'insider', and she is clamoring to hold a press conference to announce this to the media. Kaoer, We are almost driven crazy by her, Mochi is like this, she still refuses to let him go."
I walked to the terrace with my mobile phone, looked at the empty house across the lake, and suddenly calmed down, "Jinyi, did Mochi have something in Milan's hands?"
Jin Yi didn't say a word, sobbing, as if thinking about how to answer.
"Don't say anything, I understand, there is a reason for it?" I paced on the terrace, "I will go to Shanghai to find Milan, no matter what reason she has, if she doesn't stop here, I will tear it up." Her skin is not good!"
"Kaoer..."
The gate of Geng Mochi's residence on the water side is still closed.Since he's gone, I've often walked around the lake to his door, expecting him to suddenly open the door with the smile I've always dreamed of.But in fact, except for the hourly workers who come to clean it every week, the house has always been empty.I tried to go inside the house, but the hourly worker didn't know me and wouldn't let me in.After talking on the phone with Jin Yi, I came to his door again and sat on the wooden chair in the garden in a daze.It was already winter, although there was sun, but the wind blowing by the lake was very cold, I shrank my body, and my hands and feet were cold.
I want to go to Shanghai, but I am afraid that Geng Mochi will come to look for me when I go to Shanghai, so why don't we miss it?I was really entangled, feeling uncomfortable like a cat scratching in my heart, and didn't know what to do.
Started to runny nose and sneeze at night, obviously caught a cold.I thought it was just a small cold and it would be cured by taking some medicine, but I developed a fever in the middle of the night. The next day, the condition worsened and I couldn't speak. My whole body was like burning coals.Fortunately, Xiaosi made soup and porridge for me, otherwise I would starve to death if I didn’t die of illness, but Xiaosi is still just a child. After spending an afternoon with me in the hospital, I couldn’t sit still, so I asked her go home first.As for the trip to Xinjiang, it seems that it can only be postponed.
When a person is sick, it is not only the body that is weak.The exhaustion and helplessness coming from the bottom of my heart made me feel weak like a wisp of smoke, as if I could go away with the wind at any time.Missing, like a latent virus, gave me some gentle strength at this time. When a person is thinking about it, the pain and discomfort will be relieved under the infiltration of thinking.But my mind was always muddled, and in the end there were only some black and white images left, revealing a lonely streamer in the endless bitterness.The name that I have been calling out thousands of times in my heart has now become the belief that supports me. I am chanting his name in my heart like a sutra, wanting to cry a lot, wanting to shout out the window, but after all, I am powerless.Only the raindrops were hitting the window glass rustlingly, and when I turned my face to look, the abyss-like darkness outside the window made people despair.
Returning to the other shore after the infusion in spring, it is already the beginning of the lights, the light from the patchwork landscape lights in the garden of the community does not have the slightest warmth, the temperature has dropped sharply in the past few days, the cold wind is wrapped in drizzle and hits the face like a needle prick , I curled up and ran all the way, and when I was about to turn back to Yalanju from the fork in the lake, I suddenly found that there was a light shining from the side of the water on the opposite side of the lake, and suddenly my heart missed half a beat. Rubbing his eyes, indeed...the lights are on!
"Ink Pond!" I ran towards the opposite side of the lake, the ground was full of stagnant water, and I almost slipped...
For a while, I stood outside the door panting, afraid to ring the doorbell.
is it him?Could it be him?
The rain was pattering, and it was cold to the bone.
I stood outside the door with my hands clenched into fists and my teeth chattering. At this time, I didn't feel the cold anymore, but felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff. When the wind was howling, my eyes burst into tears.
Because the door is already open.
He seemed to be about to go out, standing at the door, looking at me in surprise.The light at the door was too dim, and I couldn't see his face clearly, but I could smell his breath, the breath that haunted me in my dreams, and instantly obliterated me like an overwhelming mountain.
"Kao'er?" He hesitated and walked down the steps, his figure was outlined by the lights in the room, there was a wonderful backlight effect, countless times, in countless dreams, he walked up to me like this, but every time I What I touched in the dream was nothing but images, and the despair in the dream was better than the soberness in reality, so at this moment, I still felt that I was in a dream, and tremblingly raised my hand and stretched out to him.And he had already stood in front of me, stared at me for a moment, and finally stretched out his arms to wrap me in his arms.All my perseverance and will collapsed in an instant, and I burst into tears.
"I was going to find you," he said, putting his arms around me.
I lay in his arms, trembling all over, completely speechless, and could only cry.He patted my shoulder like coaxing a baby, "Hey, don't cry, I'm back, haven't I?"
In the end, I was almost carried into the room by him. The heating in the room was fully turned on, and the lighting was soft. He helped me to sit on the sofa, and then went upstairs and took a dry towel to dry my hair. The heating made my blood cold. Slowly warming up, I finally calmed down.But I was still worried, I grabbed his towel and threw it on the ground, grabbed his lapel and asked, "You won't leave, tell me, you won't leave me again, will you? Mochi, talk, talk what……"
He didn't say anything, he hugged me again, his voice was low and hoarse, "Kao'er, I belong to you now. If I don't leave, I'll be by your side...God, I thought I'd never see you again, do you miss me?"
"You bastard! You bastard!" I started crying again, grabbing him, kicking him, and pulling and pulling on his woolen coat.He let me go, took off his coat, held my face in his arms and kissed me hard, I couldn't resist the kiss, I kissed him back passionately, my lips and teeth intertwined, reluctant to part, I felt my whole body float When I got up, there seemed to be a roller coaster in my mind, roaring all the way.
We kissed inseparably, from downstairs to upstairs, everything happened so naturally, as if it was instinct, without any hesitation or hesitation.His bed was too soft, I was a little dizzy when I fell in, and felt like I was floating in the clouds.The stormy kiss fell on my neck, and the heavy breathing was right next to my ears. He hugged me tightly, as if he wanted to embed me into life.
The moment he sank into my body, I grabbed his back suddenly, feeling my fingertips dug into his flesh.I took a breath, the sudden intimacy made me feel a little uncomfortable, my body was actually in pain, I bit my lips and let the tears flow freely, I couldn't tell whether it was because of pain, joy or sadness, and finally I bit hard When he shoulders it, I think I'm angry.
He knew that I loved him so much, but he left me alone. He said he wanted me to live my own life, but he never knew that the best life for me was to be with him.I hate him as much as I love him!
"You bit me! You bit me!" After a series of fierce collisions, he clamped my hands and looked at me fiercely with red eyes, "You think I'm willing to do this? You think I don't hurt? Do you think it's true? Can you let it go? You don't think about me at all, I'm going to die, if it's not a last resort, why would I push myself like this..."
"Geng Mochi, I hate you!" Tears welled up in my eyes, and blood flowed from my lips, "You'd better kill me, you kill me now, or if you leave me half a step away, I will definitely kill you!" will kill you!"
He stopped moving, leaned close to my face, and gritted his teeth, "I'd rather you kill me, I'd rather die in your hands, if you can't kill me, I'll go crazy and kill myself someday. Kaoer, I I want to die, I want to die all the time! I would rather die than live now, I don’t want to impose this pain on you, that’s why I give you freedom, if you don’t understand me, you still hate me.”
"But I am willing to bear all the pain with you!" I cupped his face with both hands, kissed his lips and chin, and said incoherently, "After so many years, my love for you has never changed, even if I hate you so much that I want to I will die with you, but I still love you so much. Mochi, I can’t live without you. If you die, how will I live? Please, please don’t leave me, just take pity on me...even if you die, you will You can only die in my arms, do you understand, you can only die in my arms!..."
There was a turbulent tide in his eyes, and the momentary throbbing seemed to have never been expected by him.He involuntarily clings to me, holds me tightly in his arms, and prevents me from seeing his tears, "You are a fool, do you know that you are a fool! Can you love me less? You Can you forget me? Even if I am willing to die with you, I still can't solve the problem, I can't ignore those things, I have nothing to do!"
He was choking, his body trembling slightly, we hugged like that, kept hugging, and forgot why we were hugging, why we were lying on the bed, what we were doing just now...
After a long time, he sighed in my ear, "I'm sorry, I have no strength."
"Don't talk, let me be so close to you, you don't have to do anything, just let me be so close to you." I lay on my side, hugged his naked body, stroked his back, I closed my eyes, as if I entered that dream again, "It's so good, Mochi, this is so good, don't think about anything, it's enough for us to be together now, even if I die tomorrow, I still want to be with you at this moment. Nothing is important anymore, whether it is love or hate, it is not worth the moment we are together, Mochi, did you hear that? Mochi..."
"Kaoer, why do you love me?" He buried his head in my hair and murmured emotionally, "Sometimes I think, if we didn't love each other, if we were strangers, we wouldn't know our lives What would it be like. But I’m so glad we met, because without your acquaintance, my life would be boring and a complete failure... Before I met you, I couldn’t grasp one thing that belonged to me, and I lost it Guo Jinyi, I ruined my marriage with Yesha, that's why I was so desperate to grab you, I really have nothing to lose, I can't lose you. It's just Kaoer, there are always things in this world It is impossible to fulfill people's wishes, we have worked hard, we have loved, I have no regrets..."
His voice became lower and lower, and finally fell asleep slowly.
I looked at his face in his arms, breathed his breath, and was extremely exhausted, fearing that this was a dream, fearing that everything would turn into nothingness after waking up, so I still held his hand even though I was falling asleep.In the dream, we were running wildly in the boundless wilderness. I didn't know where we were going, and there was a fog ahead.Maybe there are cliffs and cliffs in the depths of the mist, but that can't stop us from rushing to that unknown world. There must be a beautiful world, where the spring is warm and flowers are blooming, where there is no betrayal or harm, and we hold hands from beginning to end, fingers interlocking. ，永不分离。
我终究还是爱这个男人的。
清晨睁开眼睛，陌生的房间陌生的床。
我噌的一下从床上坐起，顿觉胸口一阵凉意，我下意识地看了看被子里，赶紧又缩回去。四顾张望，只见米色的落地窗帘拉开了半边，外面似乎还在下雨，满室都是潇冷的雨意。地毯是乳白色的，软包的墙面上也是浅米色的欧式图纹，床是棕色立柱式的古董大床，每样家具和装饰品都不是市面上随便能买到的，除了某人，我没见过第二个这么骚包的。
我确认这不是我的房间。
浴室的门此时从里面被拉开，耿墨池穿着蓝色绒布浴袍走出来，头发上还滴着水，他一边用毛巾擦着头发一边打量着我，脸上满含笑意，“醒了？”
“墨池……”我终于确定这不是梦了，缩在被子里有些尴尬，“我，我的衣服呢？”
他走到床边，居高临下地瞅着我，“在楼下。穿什么衣服，你的身体我哪儿没看过？”说着伸手拉我，“起来，去洗个澡。”
我裹着被子不肯下床，“你先出去！”
“哟，你什么时候脸皮这么薄了？”他哧哧地笑，坐到床边，挠了挠我的乱发，“你昨晚发烧呢，生病了吗，害我半夜给你弄药吃。”
“现在我的病好了。”
“可你的脸色不大好。”他伸手探探我的额头，“还是有点低烧。”
我挡开他的手，“没事，就是有点感冒而已，过两天就好了。不过去新疆的行程得延迟了，我得打电话改签机票。”
“你要去新疆？”
“是的，过去做个采访。天太冷了，我都不想去了。”
“去吧，我陪你去。”
“真的？”我难以置信地瞪大眼睛，“那边很冷呢，看这天气我都打算延迟到明年春天再去的，你的身体能受得了吗？”
他凝视我片刻，叹口气，“别为我担心，我自己的身体自己有数。去新疆吧，我正好想出去透透气，越远越好，找一个没人认识我们的地方好好待上一阵子。”
“瑾宜说到处找你。”
“别管他们，如果她再打电话给你，就说不知道我在哪儿。”
我有些犹豫，“我，我怎么能骗瑾宜，她那么善良。”
这是实话，瑾宜一直以来给我的印象就是美好如天使，像我这么邪恶的人一面对她，心就会变得很软很软，根本没有勇气去忽悠她。
耿墨池瞅着我笑，“你不吃醋吗？她可是我以前的女朋友。”
我舔舔嘴巴，如实相告，“你要我说实话吗？我还真不吃她的醋，我也觉得奇怪，我都看得出她还是很喜欢你的，可是瑾宜天生就有那种无邪的亲和力，善良、纯洁，她的眼神清澈得让人无处遁形，像我这种黑心肝的人都不忍心骗她。”
“唔，你倒是有自知之明。”
我趁热打铁，扯住他的袖子，“那你跟我讲讲你们以前的事吧，我知道她是你的初恋，你们一定有很多故事吧。”
“没有！”耿墨池果断地打断我的好奇心，起身去浴室给我拿了条浴巾丢在床上，“赶紧起来，都中午了，我肚子饿了，我们出去吃饭。”
这人真是无趣极了，总是在关键的时刻转移话题。我裹上浴袍下楼拿了衣服，又跑上楼洗了个热水澡，突然想起还没有给小四打电话，彻夜未归，她一定急坏了。待我急急忙忙洗完澡出来，耿墨池已经穿戴整齐，问我：“我们去哪儿吃饭？”
“我得给我的保姆打个电话，她还不知道我在你这里。”
“不用了，早上我接了她的电话。”耿墨池对着穿衣镜围围巾，好似漫不经心，“还有你的邻居祁树礼，你的手机上显示有他十几个未接电话，他好像很关心你哦。”
我脑子转得很快，接过他的话说：“是啊，他一直很照顾我，企图明显，所以你赶紧把我带走吧，住这里很不安全的。”
他踱到我跟前，搭着我的肩膀说：“跟我在一起你才不安全，我什么都给不了你，如果你能遇到一个真心对你好的人，我不会有意见。”
我木愣愣地看着他，“你，你什么意思？”我猛地推他一把，“你什么意思啊？什么叫作我遇到一个真心对我好的人？你当我是什么，玩腻了就一脚踢开？”
“你又来了，开个玩笑都不行。”他也板起了脸。
“这种玩笑你也开，你存心不让我好过是吧？”我说着又要哭了，“你的心肠到底是什么做的，丢下我大半年不闻不问，你从来不在意我会怎么想，也从来不管我会不会痛苦，耿墨池，你到底爱不爱我呀，如果不爱我，你让我死心啊，只要你能让我死心，我会感恩戴德一辈子！”
“对不起。”他拉我入怀，“对不起还不行吗？你就是太敏感了，我又不是那个意思。”他叹口气，“让一个人死心，比让他死去还残忍，考儿，我没法对你这么残忍。因为我没办法对你死心，人都要死了，心就是死不了，所以才又跑回来看看你……”
“墨池！”我伏在他胸前呜咽。
两天后，我跟耿墨池启程飞往乌鲁木齐。其实我是很不放心带他过去的，但他执意要去，我估计他是怕瑾宜他们找过来，他想躲远点。他自己的解释是，希望跟我度过一个美好的假期，给自己多点美好的回忆。当然，我必须承认若他不跟我一起去新疆，我肯定暂时也不会去，因为我要守着他，一分一秒都不离开。
在他回来的这两天，我的确是寸步不离地守着他的，整日像个影子似的跟在他身后，他去厨房倒水我跟着，他去更衣室换衣服我跟着，他上洗手间我也跟着，唯恐眨眼工夫他就不见了。耿墨池哭笑不得，问我干吗老跟着他，我说：“我不跟着你，万一你又跑了呢？”
飞机起飞的一刹那，我忽然想起四年前跟他一起坐飞机去上海时的情景，分分合合一下就晃过了四年，我并不愿意去想将来如何，将来的事情都不是我们可以控制的，梦想再强大，都抵不过命运的翻云覆雨，眼前我跟他在一起就够了。
“我带了足够的药，你放心好了，”他以为我在担心他的身体，安慰我说，“短时间内是不会有问题的，医生说我起码还可以活个一两年。”
一两年！我倒吸一口冷气，泪水几乎就要夺眶而出。我握着他的手，不能自控地战栗。飞机在云彩中穿梭，自始至终，我们都没有松开手。
那么，这次远行会不会是我们的最后一次旅行？
我根本不敢想……
我们下榻在乌鲁木齐市最豪华的某家五星级酒店，第二天，按照事先联系好的，我找到了新疆建设兵团设在乌市的总部，相关部门的同志很热情地接待了我这个远方来客，因为不放心把耿墨池一人留在酒店，我就拉上他一起去做采访，跟别人介绍时就说他是我的助手，耿墨池一脸愕然，私下抱怨道：“你好大的架子，居然要我做你的助手，从来都是别人做我的助手。”
“对不起，这是在新疆，你要不乐意，就一个人回酒店歇着吧。”我扬眉吐气地说。
耿墨池看着我笑，“得势了啊，这么猖狂！”
中午新疆方面专门设宴款待我们，还叫了好几个湖南人作陪。其中一个叫邓建宁的是接待我们的主要负责人，四十多岁，老家在湖南怀化，也是当年随大部队来到新疆参加建设的，二十多年前他回过一次家乡后就再也没回去过，现已经在新疆扎根落户了。
他不停地跟我打听家乡的情况，感叹当年事，说到动情之处，堂堂七尺男儿竟潸然泪下，他说新疆能有今天全是一代又一代建设者的血汗铸就，特别是第一代的拓荒者，他们更是付出了全部的青春和热血；尤其说起当年从全国各地过来的新疆建设兵团的女兵，老邓更是竖起了大拇指，说她们个个是女中豪杰，她们在新疆建设中起着非同寻常的作用，不仅付出青春，还跟这里的建设者结婚生子，延续了后代，养育了后一辈的建设者。
吃过午饭，老邓一行三个人带领我们上路了。五个人坐着一辆越野吉普车直奔位于北疆东北方向的巴里坤盆地，兵团十三师的红光牧场就位于那里。之所以带我们去这个牧场，老邓解释说是因为这个牧场有为数不少的湖南人，尤其是当年的女兵，虽然她们中大多数已经退休，但她们一直都生活在牧场，每一个人都是故事，很值得采访。
终于看见草原了，我欣喜若狂。因为已入冬，无边的原野一片苍黄，老邓说这是个山地草原，远处靠北连绵的青山就是阿尔泰山，靠东是天山，巴里坤盆地就位于这两座大山之间，山地、丘陵、草原是这里的基本地貌。虽然没有看到绿色的草原，但我的兴奋还是溢于言表，你看那些零星散布在草原上的白色毡房，悠闲的牛羊，奔驰的骏马，还有天边的流云，这里的一切都可以入画，一切是那么美，不知该怎样去描绘。
耿墨池也很陶醉，一声不吭地拿着他昂贵的单反相机对着车窗外拍。
“够你们拍的，新疆美着哪，等你们忙完了采访，我会安排你们去天山、赛里木、喀纳斯游览，到时候只怕你们的眼睛都不够使呢。”老邓笑着说。
老邓一行人要带我们游览新疆的名胜，我们婉言谢绝，提出自己去。老邓没说什么，只是笑，想必他也知道我们的关系不同寻常。他很周到地借了一辆吉普车给我们，本来还要给我们派司机，但耿墨池会开车就没有麻烦他们。
采访结束后的第二天，我们就开始了新疆之旅，从乌市出发直奔天山。去天山当然是为了看天池，天池古名瑶池，传说是古代神话中王母仙圣沐浴的地方，它深居天山东段博格达峰下，雪峰倒映，群山环抱，林木参天，站在山顶往下看，感觉天池如一面天镜浮在空中，远处的博格达雪峰在太阳下闪着银光，远山在水中的倒影分外妖娆，用“人间仙境”来形容天池真是一点也不夸张。
随后我们开始向喀纳斯进发，还在乌市的时候我们就听当地人讲布尔津县的喀纳斯风景一点也不亚于天池，而且途中有个叫卧龙滩和月亮湾的地方也很美。经过半天的颠簸，终于很快就要到喀纳斯，车子在山路上盘旋而行，首先映入眼帘的是那树叶已经开始变黄的满山遍野的冷杉树，在午后阳光的照耀下，闪耀着金秋时节特有的光泽，原来生命到了最后一刻还可以如此辉煌。我看了看身边专心开着车的耿墨池，一股热流直往眼眶中涌，说不清为什么，忽然很想哭。
此时的车窗外，一条奔腾的河流从山谷蜿蜒而出，那水是冷冷的蓝，一望便知是由冰雪融化而成，虽然在很高的地方俯视它，也能感觉到那丝丝的寒意。听说喀纳斯河有九道湾，其中最著名的就是卧龙滩和月亮湾。卧龙滩是指河中央的一块弯弯曲曲的沙洲地带，形状似龙，所以得其名，而月亮湾则是有两块酷似脚印的小沙滩，传说是嫦娥奔月时留下的。
我们都在这两个风景点留了影，确切地说是我留了影，耿墨池几乎没给自己拍过一张照片，我要给他拍，他总是说我比他上镜头，免得浪费电池。我不明白他怎么这样，一路上他话就很少，心事重重的，想跟我亲近，又刻意保持着距离，难以置信的是从来新疆到现在他根本没碰过我，虽然在乌鲁木齐市的酒店同住一个房间，却是各睡各的床，我觉得他在刻意回避与我的亲近，但这种事情我不可能去问他，我只是有点担心，不知道他心里到底在想什么。
因为在卧龙滩和月亮湾耽误了时间，我们不可能在天黑前赶到喀纳斯了，只得在离喀纳斯不远的地方跟一个旅行团一起住宿，当然我们是出了一大笔钱的。太阳落山之前，我们跟着旅行团的人坐游艇横穿湖面从前山攀登上了整个景区的最高点观鱼亭。在这里喀纳斯湖的景色尽收眼底，还可遥望中蒙边境的友谊峰。
远处的山是深深浅浅的黄，黄中还交杂着松树的墨绿，像一张张厚实的大地毯。山脚下的水是一颗巨大的绿宝石，因距离的远近和角度的不同而呈现出各种光泽。从后山骑马下来，感觉就像置身于俄罗斯油画之中，夕阳将广袤的大地镀上了一层金，马儿随着连绵起伏的山坡时快时慢地跑着，在亚热带特有的针叶林中穿行。
第二天清晨我们从喀纳斯出来后，又经过了很有名的魔鬼城，还有克拉玛依，以及百里大油屯，最后到达了同样很有名的赛里木湖。当时天已经完全快黑下来了，草原宾馆（所谓的宾馆也不过是铁皮房而已）已经关闭，只好不分男女混居在哈萨克人的帐篷中，没有电，在昏暗的烛光中几个人吃了只烤全羊就睡了。晚上帐篷顶上突然传来噼噼啪啪的声音，我惊恐得不行，睡我旁边的一个哈萨克姑娘忙安慰我说是外面在下小雪夹冰雹，没关系。我这才安下心来，偷偷看了看睡在另一边的耿墨池，想必他是累了，睡得很安稳。
早起掀帘而出，地上已有薄薄的一层雪，远远近近的山上堆了更多更厚的雪，雪线在下移，而赛里木湖在晨曦中显得格外端庄肃穆，如果不是有远处的雪山挡着，它很像大海。这里是全世界离大洋最远的地区，也是最大的高原湖泊，湖水完全是由高山积雪融化而成的，真羡慕幸运的哈萨克人，造物主如此善待他们，赐予他们这么一个似海的湖。据当地的传说，这湖水是一位痴情女子的眼泪汇聚而成，因此是无比圣洁的，被誉为神水。
我跟耿墨池吃过早餐后穿过公路到湖边散步，感觉这湖亲近了许多，不似刚才那样神秘。水很清，冰凉彻骨，洁白的浪花轻柔地拍着岸边的青石子。太阳已缓缓升起，巨大的云朵在远山上投下棉花缎般的阴影。有哈萨克牧民喊我们骑马上雪山顶欣赏赛里木湖的全景，我有点动心，但耿墨池说时间不多，我们要赶到其他的地方去。这时我意外地发现了一只被拴在帐篷外的绵羊，我摸了摸它，它便停止吃草，抬眼看了看我，那眼神立即打动了我，忽然想起王洛宾写的那首新疆民歌中的一句歌词：“我愿做一只小羊，跟在她身旁”。我现在终于明白这句歌词的含义了，只有情人的眼神才会如此温柔。也许它很可能就是下一批游客的晚餐，但这就是它的命运，其实我们很多时候不也一样任人宰割，在这一点上人类和它是相同的。
耿墨池显然也被这只小羊打动了，久久地注视着它，忽然跑进帐篷拿出相机，要我跟那只小羊照张相，我欣然应允。拍完照我们就上路了，太阳这时候已从云层中完全露出，雪山更显巍峨挺拔，湖水也由深蓝转为明蓝，湖边的草地上已有好大的一片羊群。
“为什么要我跟那只小羊照相？”我坐在车上问。
“因为你很像那只小羊，就像那首歌唱的一样，'我愿做一只小羊，跟在她身旁'。”他握着方向盘，目光注视着前方，“我是真的很希望自己就是那只羊……可是我无法主宰自己的命运，就像那只羊无法主宰自己被宰杀的命运一样……”
I am silent.原来这就是心有灵犀！
我们一路颠簸，沿途又经过果子沟、霍尔果斯口岸、伊宁、那拉提草原，风景自然不必多说，可能是一路看过的风景太多，我对这些地方没有太深刻的印象，我唯一有所触动的是经过那拉提草原时看到的一小片胡杨林，火红一片，刺得人眼睛生疼。此前我就听说过胡杨这种树木，说是活着一千年不老，死后一千年不倒，倒后一千年不腐，意喻其生命的顽强。耿墨池想必也听说了胡杨不老的传说，他将车子停在路边，走进林中，环顾四周，趁我不备突然将我拥入怀中，动情地吻住了我。这是来新疆后他第一次主动吻我，温柔缠绵，我的心一阵狂跳，偷偷地睁开了眼，竟感觉我们像置身火海中，天地都在旋转、在燃烧，我在心里暗暗希冀着，若此刻我们是真的置身火海，一起燃烧，又一起化成灰烬，该有多好！
“考儿，你这个样子，让我怎么办才好……”松开我时，他竟然有些懊恼，仰望着苍穹眉心紧蹙，“我真不知道我要是死了，你一个人怎么办。”
“你又胡说，不是还可以心脏移植的吗，你该对自己有信心。”一路上我总是听见他说这样的话，我从最初的难过变得见怪不怪了。
“考儿，很多事你不懂的。”他显得有些心烦意乱。
我们最后一个游览的地方是位于巴音布鲁克草原尤勒都斯山间盆地的天鹅湖，也是个高原湖泊，据说是国家级的天鹅自然保护区。可是这个时候哪还看得到什么天鹅，除了发黄的草地和清澈的湖水，我们没感觉到这里有什么特别之处，所以只作了短暂的停留就离开了。
随后我们开始返回乌市的路程，一连几天的颠簸，我是真累了，巴望着快点回到酒店好好洗个热水澡，再窝进被子美美地睡上一觉。我看了看身边的耿墨池，也是一脸倦容，开了这么几天的车，他一定比我更累。可是有句话说得好，欲速则不达，就在我们归心似箭的时候，我们迷路了，车子驶来驶去竟在原地兜圈，耿墨池拿出地图看，照着地图上的路线开，可是没用，我们转了两个小时仍然没有转出去。
于是我只得打电话向乌市的老邓求助，糟糕的是电话也不通，根本发不出信号。这下就惨了，前不着村后不着店的，要真走不出去，我们肯定会冻死在这儿，因为新疆早晚的温差很大，尤其是入冬时节，晚上气温最高也不会超过零下十度。
眼看着天色渐暗，我和耿墨池都有点慌了，坐在车里不知道往哪儿开，前面是一望无际的暗黄色草原，连雪山都看不到了，根本无法辨别方向。
“怎么办？”耿墨池也沉不住气了。
“就往那儿开吧。”我用手随便指了个方向，“开不开得出去听天由命了，如果真冻死在一起……那正如了我的愿了。”我看他一眼，故作镇定地说，“你觉得呢？”
耿墨池一怔，忽然笑了，连连点头，“也是，这样的结果再好不过，就这么着吧。”说着他发动车朝我指的那个方向开了过去，完全是赌一把了。
不知道怎么回事，车开了没多久，我们发现气温有所回升了，而且四周的草原也开始变绿，到后来漫天的绿色竟连到了天边，真是奇怪，现在这个季节草原应该是黄色的，就跟我们一路看过来的草原一样，怎么会变回绿色了呢？不仅是草色变绿，我们还发现草原上繁花四处，点缀得草原分外美丽灿烂，打开车窗，清新的野花香随风沁入心脾，顿觉神清气爽，倦意全无。
“这是哪儿呢，地图上没有啊。”耿墨池有点摸不着头脑。
“管他是哪儿呢，这里的气温很高，晚上咱们可以幸免于难了。”我笑着说。
我们把车停在了一个湖泊边，那湖不大，湖水清澈，湖边有很多嬉戏和盘旋的水鸟，我走过碧绿的草地来到湖边，看着那湖，脑中霎时电光石火，这湖我来过！一定是梦里来过，否则不会如此熟悉，它虽然没有一路上我们看过的天池、喀纳斯湖、赛里木湖和天鹅湖宽广美丽，但它真的很熟悉，蓝天白云下湖水潆洄如带，湖边水草飘摇，还有那自在游动的小鱼，恍若隔世般带着似曾相识的气息扑面而来，我站在湖边惊诧得半天说不出话。
耿墨池忙问我怎么了，我说这湖我来过，耿墨池笑我大白天说梦话。我也觉得有点不可思议，“不，你不懂，我是真觉得来过，很熟悉……”
“你真是多愁善感，”他望着我笑，“不过我现在明白当时选房子时你为什么会选彼岸春天的雅兰居，那个湖多少跟这儿有点像呢。”
后来我们坐在湖边说话，他罕有地提到了他的妹妹安妮，是他母亲收养的一个女儿，他说安妮也很喜欢湖，她原先是学画的，从小就喜欢画湖，各个季节的都有，湖边都是郁郁葱葱的树林，湖面上永远有漂着的小船。我问他：“你妹妹现在在哪里？”
他摇头，“不知道，她从成年开始就在世界各地飞，我都两年没见着她了，不过她说今年圣诞节会来上海看我。”
“你自己的妹妹呢，你怎么会不知道她在哪里？”
“唉，你不了解她，我这个妹妹从小就很混账，离经叛道，家里没人管得住她。不过她跟瑾宜关系倒是蛮好，两个人性格完全不同，却处得比我还亲密。”
“你跟瑾宜为什么分手？”我冷不丁又跳到这个话题。
出乎意料的，耿墨池没有像往常那样果断地拒绝，而是陷入了沉思，那一瞬间的恍惚让我察觉到他心底翻涌着巨浪。
“缘分吧，感情这种东西，真的要看缘分。”他沉思良久后的回答仍然含糊。我端详着他，寻思着他讳莫如深的神情到底是对那段感情淡然了，还是在掩饰或者保护着什么，我想应该是保护吧，我不清楚他心底是否还爱着那个女孩，但他很在意她却是显而易见的，越在意越不愿提