Chapter 11 chapter Ten

Love is proud, love is also blind, that's why we have fallen into this misery, and the pain after the injury is far more violent and lasting than we imagined. Not long after Geng Mochi was admitted to the hospital, his managers Wei Minglun and Jin Yi rushed over from Shanghai. After his condition stabilized a little, Jinyi specially came to visit me at home and told me a lot about Geng Mochi. On the sofa in the living room, Jin Yi held the tea I made for her and said slowly: "Kaoer, Mochi is very worried about you. You may not know that you were trapped in the car by heavy rain and almost died last time. In the few days when he was in a coma, Mochi was going crazy. He stayed in the hospital every day and no one could pull him away. Later, Milan went to fight with him. He returned to Shanghai after a big fight with Milan. He had no choice but to go back. He didn’t want Milan Harassing you. But not long after he went back, he drank alcohol all day to relieve anxiety and fell ill again. His condition was worse than the previous two times. After finally getting better, he clamored to go back to Star City. Darwin and I had headaches from his argument. Even though we were watching closely, he still secretly went to Flying Star City to see you in the middle of the night while the nurses were not paying attention, and he has always been worried about you."

I was stunned, "When?" Jinyi thought for a while, "I saw your Weibo, it should be the day you and Mr. Qi flew the plane. When I saw the Weibo, Mochi had already gone to Star City, Darwin and I were going crazy, because His condition was so unstable that he ran away without any medicine." "..." I was dumbfounded and speechless.There seemed to be a slight cracking sound in my ears, like a crack in the frozen river, and a swift river rushing in my heart. I only felt cold, so cold that my heart was constricting. It turned out to be that day! "Kaoer, Mochi regrets what he has done, and he was also impulsive. Now that Mochi's condition is getting worse, Milan is still pestering him. I heard that she doesn't even go to work and stays in the hospital all day, isn't it? To take care of Mochi is to force Mochi to officially register for marriage with her, because only in this way can she justifiably claim the inheritance."

I gasped, this woman is crazy! Jinyi choked up when she said this, "Mochi told me before I came to see you today that he deserved to be blamed. Kao'er, I'm not trying to excuse him, I just feel sorry for you. Bu Tiandi?" Yes, how did we end up in this situation!I carefully recalled the ins and outs of the matter. When I quarreled with Geng Mochi, I forgot that he was a patient. I even forgot that I loved him. At that time, I didn’t think I still loved him. The only thing I knew was that I hated him. I hate him so much, I just want to return him the damage he gave me thousands of times, so I can say no matter how cruel I say.

This is love in hell!They clearly love each other but hurt each other. Both of them use love as a weapon to hurt each other. They are unscrupulous and indiscriminate.Love is proud, love is also blind, that's why we have fallen to such a miserable situation, and the pain after the injury is far more violent and lasting than we imagined. A long time after Jinyi left, I was crying alone in the living room, and I didn't even know to turn on the lights when it got dark.The wind whistling outside the window was like the roar of the devil, and the boundless despair made me immerse myself in such sadness even in my dream.

The long night seemed to have elapsed for a century, and the dawn was late, and the sky over the city was filled with dark clouds. I washed my face indiscriminately, and went to the hospital to visit Geng Mochi who had been transferred to the VIP ward.Because I heard Jin Yi say that he will go back to Shanghai for treatment soon, I don't know if I will see him again in this life, this farewell may be a forever farewell. Geng Mochi's heart is overwhelmed and failing day by day. The ultimate treatment is heart transplantation, but this is not something that can be done with money alone. No one knows how long it will take to get a healthy heart with the right type .Jin Yi told me that the doctor had already sentenced Geng Mochi to death, even if he kept his current state and did not continue to deteriorate, his life would be extended by two to three years at most.In other words, if he couldn't wait for a heart transplant, he would only have two or three years to live. Three years later, he would be thirty-six years old, and he would really follow in his father's footsteps.

"Kao'er, I'm afraid that day will come." Yesterday Jin Yi broke down in tears when he told me about this, "Go and see him, when I was talking to him on the phone, he kept talking about you, he said he was sorry you……" Surprisingly, as soon as I got out of the elevator, I saw Milan talking with Geng Mochi's personal lawyer, Huang Zhong, in the corridor outside the ward. In order to avoid another conflict, I avoided the corner and did not let her see it. Because it was a VIP ward area, the corridor was very quiet, and Milan's voice was transmitted verbatim, and I heard her question Lawyer Huang: "Why didn't you let me see the will? I am his wife, and I have the right!"

Lawyer Huang is not a vegetarian. Like Wei Minglun, he is also Geng Mochi's best friend. Because of this relationship, he has been Geng Mochi's personal lawyer for many years.I met him in Shanghai, he is very powerful, it is said that he is the leading lawyer in Shanghai, nicknamed "Tie Zui Huang".Facing Milan's aggressive questioning, he was neither humble nor overbearing, and answered impeccably: "Miss Mi, I'm sorry, I can't call you Mrs. Geng yet, because you just held a wedding with Mr. Geng, and you didn't go to the civil affairs department to go through the official marriage process." Procedures, that is to say, your marriage relationship is not recognized legally, even Mr. Geng himself does not recognize it. He always calls you his girlfriend, not his wife, so you have no right to ask about his will. Taking a step back, even if you are his wife, you cannot see the will without his permission, do you need me to explain further?"

"Your partner is playing tricks on me! I'm obviously married to him, why isn't he his wife? Isn't it just a piece of paper, I want him to register with me now!" Milan was furious when his wife's identity was revealed. It seems that what Jin Yi said is right, Milan is now in a hurry to jump over the wall, and is in a hurry to realize Mrs. Geng's status. I caught a glimpse of Lawyer Huang walking up to Milan, and his tone was neither polite nor forceful, "Miss Mi, please exercise restraint. This is a hospital. Mr. Geng is seriously ill now. If there is something wrong with him, It is of no use to you personally."

Milan's feet went out, so he had to stop again. Lawyer Huang continued: "Miss Mi, you really make me feel very sorry. Mr. Geng is in such a serious condition now that he will be transferred to Shanghai for treatment. You don't care about his condition but miss his will. What do you think, Mr. Geng? Aren't you telling the world that you married him not because of love, but because of his property? Ms. Mi, he is not dead yet, even if he dies, the disposal of his estate will be handed over to Mr. The legal team appointed by him has full power to deal with it. If you really want to occupy a favorable position in the future inheritance distribution, I advise you to keep silent, otherwise, based on what I know about Mr. Geng, he will not give you a dime, you There is no way to appeal, understand?"

Milan was speechless. "Now, please leave here. If you stay here for a minute longer, Mr. Geng's condition will get worse. Mr. Geng already knew about the fact that you injured Miss Bai in the hospital last time. He was very angry. Aren't you Are you forcing him to leave you out of the list of heirs?" Huang Zhong deserved to be iron-tongued, and his aura was enough to shock the arrogant Milan. Milan's voice suddenly dropped several degrees, "Then am I among the heirs, and where is it?" Huang Zhong shrugged, "No comment." "What about Bai Kao'er, is she among the heirs?"

Huang Zhong actually laughed, "Miss Mi, I think you are really a sentimental person. I really admire your courage to ask directly. As for whether Miss Bai is among the heirs, I also have no comment, but I can remind you A little bit is that your position in Mr. Geng's heart determines how much benefit you can get, so the most sensible thing for you now is to disappear in front of his eyes, especially not to provoke him, OK?" "Did I provoke him? It's obviously Bai Kao'er who made him so angry. What does it have to do with me?" "Please feel free, I have something else to do." Huang Zhong couldn't be bothered to pay attention to her anymore, and walked straight to the ward. After walking a long way, he turned his head, with a mocking smile on his lips, "Miss Bai can make Mr. Geng miss you so much, It is enough to show that her position in Mr. Geng's heart is irreplaceable, you should understand what I mean?" As he spoke, he pushed open the door of Geng Mochi's ward and walked straight in. Milan still stomped on the spot, "I don't believe it! I don't believe he will leave the inheritance to Bai Kao'er! What's so good about that bitch? She's the one who made Geng Mochi like this. Why should I blame her?" Over my head!" The nurse on duty came out immediately and issued a warning: "Miss, please keep quiet. If you do this again, I will call the security. Don't I warn you a second time?" Milan lost her demeanor and stood there with her face up and weeping. All the medical staff in the past showed contempt for her. In the end, she could only leave angrily, very embarrassed. I knew from the beginning that there was no winner in this fight.We all thought that we were standing on such a righteous position, fighting for what we wanted, and doing everything with the determination to burn everything, but in the end we found that what we care about the most has never belonged to us.To fight, to fight, even to die, is just because of that unwillingness. Milan is not reconciled, why not myself. When I entered the ward, Huang Zhong was talking to Geng Mochi, as soon as I entered, they all looked at me in surprise.Huang Zhong greeted me very gracefully: "Miss Bai, you are here. Didn't you meet Miss Mi? She was outside just now." "I didn't let her see me." I lowered my head, staring at the toe of my shoe, not daring to move forward. "Mochi, then I'll go first, and I'll talk to you later." Huang Zhong got up to leave with great interest, nodded to me, and gently closed the door.Only Geng Mochi and I were left in the room, I lowered my head and still didn't move forward. "What are you doing standing so far away, I look tired, come here." Geng Mochi's voice sounded weak, "I won't eat you again." "I'm sorry." I covered my mouth, and the unsatisfactory tears came as soon as I said it. "Come here, let me see you, I'm leaving the day after tomorrow." Geng Mochi almost begged, "Let me see your face, it's all my fault for hurting you so badly, and it's me who should say I'm sorry. Kao'er , I always hurt you, no wonder you are getting farther and farther away from me, I obviously want to get closer to you, but I don’t know why I always push you farther and farther..." I took a few steps forward, and then I saw him clearly, half lying on the bed in blue striped pajamas, his face was pale, and he looked very weak.The back of his hand was being infused, and an oxygen tube was being inserted under his nose. An electrocardiogram was placed beside the bed, and the undulating lines on the display showed that his life was still going on.I can't imagine if he really stopped breathing if he left these machines.This sick and weak man, he has been fighting with his own life, giving up all ways to save himself, but our love was incomplete from the beginning, fragmented from the beginning, destined to such a bleak end in the end. "Don't cry, I don't want to see you cry. Come closer, I'm afraid I won't be able to see you if I blink my eyes. I wake up every morning and have to check whether I'm still alive. I'm gone, and I didn't even say hello to you. Thank you for coming to see me today, I have something to tell you, would you like to listen? " I looked at him with tears in my eyes, "You need to rest now, let's talk later if you have something to say." "In the future?" He trembled his lips, as if he wanted to laugh, but he couldn't force a smile, "How many futures can I have? After today, I don't know if there will be tomorrow. Kaoer, I'm really sorry. They all love you in their own way, but they always hurt you. You are right. I don’t know love, and I don’t deserve it, so I’m doomed to die alone. I’ve thought about it, and I’m all like this What are you doing dragging you after you look like this, so what if you are not reconciled, I can only live for so long, I can’t give you the happiness you want, so Kao’er, I decided to give you freedom, you can live the life you want, no matter what I don't have a problem with who you are with. Qi Shuli is right, to love someone is to make her happy, not to possess arrogantly..." "Qi Shuli?" "Well, he came to see me and said a lot to me. I agree with this sentence. So as long as you can be happy, I can let go of everything. It's just a pity that I may not see you happy. Now I really don’t have the face to express my regrets. After the wedding, Jin Yi told me that I would definitely regret it, but I didn’t expect the regrets to come so quickly. Every night I stand on the terrace on the side of the water and look at the scenery on the other side of the lake. Yalanju, I feel so sad... Oh, you don't know, I also bought the "On the Water Side" opposite Yalanju. I always hope to see the lights in your room on, but you never I haven't come back to live, those nights, you don't know how lonely I am, I think you must hate me, so you won't even give me a lamp..." "Stop it, please stop it!" "Come on, let me hold your hand..." He raised his hand tremblingly, and I realized that he had really lost a lot of weight, and the knuckles of his slender fingers suddenly bulged because of being too thin.He breathed hard, "I want to hold your hand, just for a while, for a while." I walked to the side of the bed, stretched out my hand, and he grabbed me at once, tears rolled down his eyes, "Kaoer, I love you, remember that I love you, even if I have only one breath left, I still love you You. Thank you for walking with me on this journey. Although it was full of scars, you made me feel what true love is. Before I met you, I never loved other women except Jinyi, but I love Jinyi is not the same as loving you. A large part of my relationship with her is the family relationship cultivated since childhood, so I love you so unreservedly, until I die. Kaoer, I know you too Love me, don't you?" His hands were as cold as iron because of the infusion, and the transparent liquid in the infusion tube could not give him the warmth of life.I bent down on his chest, hugging his weak body, weeping uncontrollably. "Geng Mochi, I hate you! I hate you to death!" I couldn't say anything, I could only say hate.This hateful man fought with me with his life, until I risk everything to fall in love with him, but he wants to let go!If I had known it would be such an ending, I should have loved him well, let him, accommodated him, warmed him up and made him happy, but I don’t cherish it so much, not only do I not cherish it, but I also cruelly treat the hurt I have suffered Fight back to him, so let yourself completely fall into the abyss of eternal doom. "I'm sorry, it's too late for me to love you well, it's too late." He stroked my hair, and up to now, he can only say such a sentence. Two days later, I saw Geng Mochi off at the airport. I didn't even have the courage to give him a hug, because Milan was standing by his side, and I could only watch him get on the plane from a distance.I squatted by the glass curtain wall of the terminal and cried loudly, crying to the point of heartbreak.I was surrounded by sympathetic eyes, like a bird whose wings had been pulled out. He gave me freedom, but I was covered in bruises, and there was no possibility of flying ever since.He said that he wants me to pursue the life I want, but he never knows what the life I want. After that, I no longer lived in my own apartment, but moved to Yalanju in spring on the other side.It's sad to think that my house was empty when he lived across the street, and when I finally turned on the light for him, his house was in darkness. This is fate, I know there is more than just a lake between me and him. But I still keep a small light in the bedroom every night, and I'm sure if he has a sense, he can see it.On the first night of living in Yalanju, I sent him a text message, "I will save the light for you, waiting for you to come back." Later, he replied a message with only one sentence, "Forget about me, take care of me. Life." Since then, no matter how many text messages I sent him, he never replied.I heard from Jinyi that he had an operation in Shanghai and is now recovering. "His heart failed so badly that he couldn't do it at all, and the operation was only a temporary relief." Jinyi knew that I missed him, and would often call me to report his condition.Geng Mochi recovered well after the operation, but Jin Yi's worries have not diminished at all, "Milan still keeps coming here to make trouble, Mochi has officially broken up with her before the operation, and gave her a large sum of money, which is enough for the rest of her life Life is good, but she is still not reconciled and insists on registering her marriage with Mochi. I have never seen such an unreasonable person, oh..." Jin Yi is a kind person, she doesn't know how to criticize others, she can only sigh. I originally planned to go to Shanghai to visit Geng Mochi, but when I heard that Milan was making trouble there, I gave up the idea. I didn't want to make this already complicated triangle relationship worse.From what I know about Milan, she is a person who does not give up until she achieves her goals. When she reaches the Yellow River, she will not give up and she will not cry when she sees a coffin, just like she used to buy things in the mall. The money has to be bought back, even if there is no money to eat tomorrow, even if it is bought back to press the box, she will not hesitate. This makes me very worried about the situation of Mochi. But soon, I started to worry about myself, because not long after I moved to the other side in the spring, I accidentally ran into Qi Shuli in the community. At that time, I was rushing to work, and he was running in sportswear. "Morning, Kao'er." The domineering president looked refreshed, and the white designer sportswear made him look a lot younger.But I stared at him like I saw a ghost, "Why are you here?" "I live here, I just moved here." His tone couldn't be more peaceful, but I was terrified, "You, do you live here?" "That's right, I live in the building next door to you." He looked at me and smiled lightly, "This community is a real estate developed by my company. I'm very happy that we can be neighbors. I hope we can get along well. " My eyes are black, Geng Mochi, don't you buy a property without looking at the developer?Why did you buy his real estate!Later, I guessed that Qi Shuli must have paid attention to it after seeing the real estate album at my house that time. My personality will definitely change houses, but now it's all over, and I've become neighbors with him! The building that Qi Shuli lived in was the largest single-family villa in the whole community. It had four floors, and the front and rear gardens were twice the size of Yalan Residence, so it was quite expensive.When I moved in, he had actually secretly taken down the house, but the name of this building is "Near Water Tower". In Yingzhi's words, it really fits the scene. From then on, I could meet him at the door of my house every day, and he was not polite, and he often came to visit if there was nothing to do. During this period, I fell ill, and my mother came to take care of me.He is very good at pleasing my mother, he is polite and humble, he greets my mother well, and often gives gifts.My mother is the kind of person who is eager to reciprocate when others treat her well. Within a few days, she treats Qi Shuli as her own family member, and asks him to come over for dinner every time she cooks delicious food. Qi Shuli is very busy and often goes out For entertainment, sometimes she couldn't come back for dinner, so she brought him the soup herself, and asked Qi Shuli's nanny to warm it up for him. Of course, I admit that Qi Shuli is not only good at pleasing the elderly, he is also very good at taking care of the elderly.As long as he doesn't go to work, he will come over to chat with my mother, or drive my mother to go shopping. He is more filial than my daughter. I think my mother is talkative, but he doesn't mind it. He is more nervous than me, and will immediately call a doctor to see my mother.My mother was so moved, she kept whispering in my ears all day long, insinuating, as if if I didn't marry Qi Shuli, I would be a wolf. In fact, when Geng Mochi was sent away, I had a showdown with Qi Shuli.I said: "I know you are kind to me, I am not grateful, but I have no choice but to choose a person who is inextricably linked to me in the past. When I see you, I think of Qi Shujie. I am here today. Because of your dearest brother, Qi Shujie, I want to leave the past behind and start over, but I just can’t accept you, you have so many choices around you, why bother with me?” Qi Shuli said: "Kaoer, I know that no matter what I do, you will never love me, but my love for you has nothing to do with whether you love me or not. This is my own business, and my heart is at my own disposal. As for me Being brothers with Ajie is not something I can choose, no one can choose their origin, surname and relatives, I will not force you, I will just wait for you, do you understand?" I can't tell him clearly, his reasons are always stronger than mine, his reasons are always one after another, who made him walk more bridges than me, and eat more salt than me What about Mido? I continued to go to work after my sick leave, and my mother also returned to Xiangbei. She was worried about me in every possible way, and she was very reluctant to give up Qi Shuli.Qi Shuli was also reluctant to part with him, without my mother, he would have no valid reason to visit, and no one would help him to say good things.He was really reluctant to give up. He used the excuse to go to Xiangbei to see the land and accompany my mother back to Xiangbei on the way. I can still think about this journey with my eyes closed, how he gave my mother reassurance and promised to take good care of me.But I still breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that my mother has left, so he should have no reason to come and visit, and I don't want him to be filial.In the end, I miscalculated again, Qi Shuli actually brought my younger sister Bai Wei with me when he returned.Bai Wei was studying at university in the north. When she came back from summer vacation, she didn’t come to accompany me with her parents. She pretended to be my companion, but this was the beginning of my nightmare. Qi Shuli is very good at currying favor with old ladies, and it is even easier to curry favor with young girls, because he is rich!The expensive jewelry and clothes that can only be seen in fashion magazines made Bai Wei sell her sister without hesitation, and opened her mouth to call her brother-in-law, which made Qi Shuli very happy, and laughed, completely ignoring me. Turned blue face.Qi Shuli also loves Bai Wei very much. Whenever he has free time, he will drive her around the city, go shopping, and taste delicious food. If he has no time, he will send the company secretary and driver to accompany her all the way. Later, he arranges for Bai Wei to go to Hong Kong and the Maldives. When he came back around, he even stated that Bai Wei could send her to study abroad after graduation. The dead girl jumped up at that time, grabbed Qi Shuli's arm and yelled so sweetly that I wanted to slap her twice. Fortunately, the summer vacation is only two months away, and Bai Wei is going back to school. She is more reluctant to part with Qi Shuli than my mother. When I took her big bags and small bags to send her to the car, the little girl burst into tears, but not a single tear was shed for me. . Qi Shuli exhorted Bai Wei thousands of times, coaxed and hugged her, his irresistible pampering made me, an older sister, far behind.I wondered what material this guy was made of, young and old. But it is impossible for me to be determined by Qi Shuli. I made myself very tired at that time, leaving early and returning late every day.I didn't take the car that Qi Shuli arranged for me, but caught the bus. I would rather take the bus, that way I would feel more secure (I returned the unlucky Ferrari to him).I also didn't ask him to arrange a nanny for me, it must be his eyeliner.I asked someone to find a little girl from my hometown. She was seventeen years old. She dropped out of school because her family was poor. She wanted to go to the city to find a job. It was exactly what I wanted, so I took her in.The little girl is smart and hardworking, because she is the fourth in the family, so I call her Xiaosi.I seldom stay at home. I rush to make shows during the day and night, and call friends and friends on weekends, and call a large group of people to make a fuss at home, all night long, exhausting myself. Fortunately, Qi Shuli is also very busy, and he also leaves early and returns late, so he has no time to bother me at all, even if he comes to my place occasionally, he just talks and drinks tea, which is not excessive.Sometimes at night when I came back late from the show, he would send someone to deliver supper. Every now and then, he would also send some famous tea, foreign fruits, and music discs brought from abroad (he knew I like music).He wasn't in a hurry to kill me, he had plenty of patience to go around in circles with me, so I could only accompany him around very carefully.I have to be very careful, the more polite he is, the more he makes me feel that he is potentially dangerous, just like Yingzhi said, even if he is smiling, you have to be careful and careful. Yingzhi was also very busy at that time, Qi Shuli transferred her to the construction site to manage accounts.The construction site is 24 hours a day. Although Yingzhi doesn't have to stay there 24 hours a day, she basically doesn't have much private time. In her words, she has to run to the toilet.I know this is envoy Qi Shu's mind again, he deliberately prevents Ying Zhi from having time to come and see me, he thinks Ying Zhi is in the way.I am very guilty, I want Sakura to resign, but Sakura refuses, saying that she does not want to lose this job, this job is a bit tiring at present, but the salary is very high, with her qualifications, it is absolutely impossible to go to other places There may be such a high salary.I know that she still hasn't given up taking back Dandan's custody. It was already autumn at this time, and the Provincial Federation of Literary and Art Circles was going to hold a collection of folk songs in western Hunan. The theme was "Recovering Shen Congwen's Footsteps". Reporters should be sent along with the mission to conduct interviews.Naturally, our radio station cannot lag behind, but many people in Xiangxi have been there, and there is nothing new about going again, so no one in the station is willing to go.As soon as I got the news, I took the initiative to invite Ying, and the elder Cui praised me greatly, saying that I am very professional, and I will definitely reward me when I come back.It was past seven o'clock in the evening when I came back from the meeting in the stage. As soon as I entered the door, Qi Shuli followed in, and sat next to me refreshed in white casual attire.Xiao Si hurried to pour tea, it was really considerate, I wondered if Xiao Si was also bribed by Qi Shuli. "Are you busy recently?" Qi Shuli asked me kindly. I gave a vague "hmm" and didn't intend to talk to him. He looked at me probingly, "I heard you're going to Xiangxi tomorrow?" I froze, "How do you know?" "I heard." He answered calmly, as if it was a matter of course to inquire about my movements. "You're very well informed." He smiled calmly again, "I care about you, you see that you don't know how to take care of yourself, and you are busy with work, no wonder your mother is very worried about you." At this time, Xiao Si brought tea, and he teased Xiao Si with a smile After two sentences, he began to insinuate again, "Actually, what's so bad about having someone who takes care of you by your side? Living alone is very lonely, aren't you lonely?" "I don't think so when I'm busy." "But there are always times when I'm free. I'm alone in an empty room. I don't even have anyone to talk to. I don't need anything, but I feel like I have nothing. I'm in the bustling world, and my heart is desolate. Alas..." He sighed, very sad. Looking at me seriously, the eyes behind the lens are bottomless, "Kao'er, do you always think that I am a bad person, that's why I always have a face that rejects people thousands of miles away?" "Frank, I never said that you are a bad person, and from the bottom of my heart, I think you are a rare good person, at least much better than many rich people who are rich and unkind. Maybe it is because you are so good that you are so lonely. ?” Qi Shuli was even more confused, "You, what kind of logic is this, what does it have to do with my loneliness if I am a good person?" "Oh, so you were talking about loneliness." "..." Qi Shuli's expression turned pale, "Kao'er, I'm telling you very seriously." "Am I serious?" "You always change the subject, do you know that you are hurting my self-esteem? I know that I am much older than you, which may make you feel that there is a generation gap, but I think these generation gaps can be eliminated through getting along with each other. But you always don't give me a chance, you always run away, and even go to Xiangxi..." I was a little unhappy, "I need it for work, okay? Where do you want to go? And why should I escape? My house is here. Where can I escape?" "But for whom is that lamp you turn on every night?" "Frank!" "You don't run away, it's just because you're waiting, but do you know how sad I am when I look at the light in your room every night from the bedroom window, because there is no light in the light for me? Yes. You don’t want to be close at hand, but miss you who are thousands of miles away. Is it true that distance produces beauty?” I turned my face away coldly, "I'm tired, and I have to drive tomorrow, please go back." Qi Shuli also had a gloomy face, sat for a while, and finally got up, and left without saying goodbye.He has always regarded this place as his own home, and he is free to come and go.When we got to the door, he turned around again, looked at me and said, "I think you still don't understand my character. I'm not a person who gives up easily. You can keep that lamp for him, and I can also do it for you." You keep this heart." The words are so polite that they really don't seem to come out of his mouth. I watched him walk out swaggeringly, with mixed feelings in my heart, and I felt very uncomfortable.At that moment, I was almost touched. Although I always felt that this person was not a kind person, but thinking about it since I met him until now, he seems to have never directly harmed me. In fact, he never even touched mine.So I believed in a saying in a certain book, the only person who can really hurt you is the person you care about the most, such as Geng Mochi. In fact, not only did Qi Shuli not hurt me, he also helped me a lot, but I still rejected his surname and identity, and subconsciously had a deep prejudice against him, and I never concealed it in front of him This kind of prejudice is full of hostility towards him, and he has never spoken in a good tone. Objectively speaking, I am actually a bit unkind.I'm wondering if I'm overdoing it? But when I think about it, there is always a gap between me and him.At some point I may be touched by him, but it is impossible to relax my guard against him. Being a neighbor to such a "lonely" man is something that cannot be taken lightly. Even the lights in my room are on every night. What else do you not know?I'm like a fish in the lake in front of the door, my every move can't escape his sight, maybe he will catch the net at any time.The ending of fish and fish is not what I want to see. My life is already a mess, but for this additional trouble, if it weren't for this lamp in the room, I would have escaped long ago. This lamp is really lonely, and it can never wait for the person it is waiting for.And the people under the lamp are even more lonely, in the boundless darkness, the faint light can't shine into my heart. Early the next morning, I rushed to the agreed place to gather, and sure enough, they were all famous people, and many of the mighty twenty-odd people were familiar faces.I know one of the photographers. His name is Gao Peng. He was a guest I interviewed on a radio program. At that time, the province was holding an unprecedented photography exhibition. As an accomplished young photographer in the industry, he Man, I had a hard time getting him into the studio.After the interview, I didn't have much contact with him, and I even forgot about him. He is also one of the invited artists for this trip to Xiangxi.This man who claims to be the coolest man on earth has brought countless laughter to everyone during the tired and novel twenty days and nights in Xiangxi.It was during this time that I noticed him. On the day of gathering in Star City, Gao Peng found me among a large group of people. He was overjoyed, pulled me over and yelled loudly: "Damn girl, it's you, do you remember me?" Of course I also recognized him, and said with a giggle, "Teacher Gao..." "Don't call me teacher, I feel guilty." Gao Peng squinted at me and smiled.His appearance is not ugly, his skin is a little dark, which may be related to the nature of his work. He has been shooting outdoors for many years. Comparable small eyes, very attractive, always squinting, no matter how you look at him, you think he is not serious.In fact, it was also the case. He basically didn't say a few serious words along the way. In the large team of more than 20 people, he was the most active stimulant, always creating a steady stream of laughter. During the next ten days of gathering, we went to many places, first visited the former residence of Mr. Shen Congwen, and then visited the Phoenix City described by Mr. Shen.This is a simple and primitive town, every corner exudes moving humanistic feelings, the stone street in the east gate, the ancient Hongqiao in Shawan, Wanming Tower, Diaojiaolou, and the ancient and majestic Phoenix City Tower, the South Great Wall and Huangsi Bridge The ancient cities all show the unique local culture of Xiangxi.My favorite is to sit on a wupeng boat at the ancient wharf at the north gate to visit the beautiful Tuojiang River. You can have a panoramic view of the green mountains and green waters and the stilted buildings along the bank.糖，心情顿时放松下来，很多该想的和不该想的事情我都可以暂时不必去想，我觉得此次湘西之行很有意义。 但我并不是来玩的，其他人也不是，大家都有各自的事情要忙。画家喜欢在沙湾取景写生。作家诗人则整天混迹于城中的各个角落，探访民情体验生活，跟我同房间的作家罗罗每天晚上回到客店都会向我们展示她收罗来的各种小玩意儿，光各种绣花鞋垫就收罗了一大堆。搞音乐的两个人很辛苦，跑到吉首那边的德苗寨去收集民间音乐素材，苗家人男女老少个个会唱，音乐很有特色，他们带着录音设备去那边好几天没回来，看样子收获不小。搞摄影的只有高澎一个，他是最忙的，成天举着照相机到处拍，拍景也拍人。 我们记者有五六个人，自称是游击队，今天到这儿收集情报，明天到那儿挖新闻，晚上回到招待所就撰写采访稿发给各自的报社或电台，有竞争，也有合作，大家相处愉快。我跟高澎是接触最多的，没法不多，他就像个影子似的到哪儿都跟着我，跟我聊天，也给我拍照。他这个人很难用一句话形容，说不上有多正派，但也不下流，开玩笑也是点到即止。我很欣赏他的率直，有什么说什么，想干什么就干什么，跟他在一起感觉不到压力，因为他太会逗人乐了。也许是苦闷太久，我迫切地需要释放内心的压力和痛楚，我的心没有防备，完全是一种开放状态，正是这种状态让高澎对我的进攻毫无障碍，对此我一直是不置可否的态度。 返程的头天下午，高澎带我去了王村，也就是电影的拍摄旧地拍照，我们在那里有过一次长谈。此前我们也经常在一起谈心聊天，对他的生活状态有了个大致的了解。他不是湖南人，老家在哪儿他一直没明确告诉过我，他就是个不太明确的人，做什么事都不明确，比如他搞摄影的初衷，先是说爱好，后又说是为了谋生。至于他的学历，怎么创业的，怎么成名的，乃至现阶段的状况和未来的打算他都说得很含糊，总是一句话带过，说：“也没什么了，先是在一家影楼里打工，后来自己弄了幅作品去参加一个全国性的比赛，很偶然地就获了个狗屁奖，回来后找了两个哥们儿单干，很偶然地就成今天这个样子了。” 他只字不提他成名的艰辛，肯定是艰辛的，一个外乡的打工仔，举目无亲，要赢得社会的认可谈何容易。他不说并不表示他没经历过艰辛，真正的苦是说不出来的，这是我的理解，因为他看似无所谓的调侃中总是不经意地流露出隐含的沧桑和伤感。 高澎一直过得很含糊，看问题含糊，做事情也含糊，而对于他的含糊我有另一种理解，觉得他其实是在用自己的含糊对外界的纷扰做着最顽强的抵抗。因为他很诚实，既不恭维别人也不抬高自己，即使是最敏感的话题他都可以说得很直白，比如女人，他说因为工作的关系，找他的各种女人很多，却很少有固定的女朋友，他常常头天晚上还和对方一起过夜，第二天一分手他就忘了她们的面容甚至是名字，如此周而复始，恶性循环，生活就这样变得浑浑噩噩，没有目标没有方向，也没有终点。他停不下来，他需要那些安慰和刺激填满脑子……以前我没有接触过这样的人，碰到他，我没有厌恶，反而有一点点的同情，不知道为什么。 “你觉得我是怎样的人？”在王村我故意问他。 “你给我的感觉蛮特殊的，很单纯，却又有点堕落……你让我忍不住去思考你分析你，此前我已经很少去思考什么了。”高澎坐在一块石头上看着我说。 “没有思考很好啊，没有思考就没有痛苦和烦恼。” “可是我很厌倦现在这个样子，我想改变，你……让我突然有了改变的动力，”他严肃地看着我，“而且我觉得你也很厌倦很疲惫，你也想改变什么，不是吗？” 我看着他，只笑不语。 “我们是同类，都过得稀里糊涂。”高澎肯定地说。 "How did you see that?" “感觉，就是感觉，”高澎以艺术家的敏锐视角分析我，“我从一开始就觉得你是个混日子的人，想争取什么，又好像要逃避什么……” 我心里暗暗吃惊，高澎的那双小眼睛好厉害。 “所以我觉得我们很适合在一起。”高澎终于不再暗示，而是挑明了。其实这二十多天里他半开玩笑半认真地跟我挑明了很多次，我一直当他是开玩笑说疯话，并没往深处想，搞艺术的都有点神经质。我宽容了他的放肆，而就是我的宽容给他制造了循序渐进的机会。 “两个人都糊涂，在一起岂不更糊涂？”我笑着说。 “错，正因为我们都对生活没有目标，如果在一起了反而可以从对方身上寻找到可以改变彼此的因素。换句话说，我们都是心里很黑暗很茫然的人，我们需要有人给自己点燃一点儿光亮，不至于让自己一直这么挣扎彷徨下去。” 就为这样一句话，我忽然有些动容，“高澎，我一直以为你生活得很好。” “你觉得我很好吗？”高澎反问，“每天麻木地工作，麻木地生活，没有方向，没有目标。我早就想找个正经女人过日子了，真的……我很希望自己可以过得正常些……” “你觉得我正经？”我也反问。 “你不正经吗？”他眯着眼睛瞅着我笑，“比起我接触过的女人，你简直比水晶还纯洁透明呢。” 我哈哈大笑，这还是我第一次听到有人说我纯洁。 “试一试吧，我会让你快乐的，即使你不会喜欢我，最起码我能让你快乐。”高澎充满期待地看着我说。 “高澎，我并不缺少爱情，我也不期待。”这是我的真心话。我早已过了随心所欲谈恋爱的年纪，而且爱情这东西太费神，我现在只想单纯地生活，不想因为所谓的“爱情”又让自己陷入两难的境地。高澎两手一摊，“可是你让我有了期待，不知道为什么。” 回到星城的那天下起了雨，当我们经过十几个小时的长途跋涉从豪华大巴上走下来的时候，猛然发现火车站广场的一角竖了一块崭新的广告牌，是一幅巨大的人物肖像，一个身着碎花短袖衫的长发女子若有所思地站在一排吊脚楼前仰望天空，画面好像正在下着雨，那女子整张脸都被雨雾笼罩，湿润鲜活得像刚从水里捞起来，而让我目瞪口呆的是，画面中的女子正是我！这张照片是刚到湘西时高澎为我拍的，怎么会弄到火车站来了，而且画面下方的那行白色艺术字更醒目：“你知道我在等你吗？”旁边还有一行小字，“湘西欢迎您。” 很明显这是一幅旅游观光的广告牌，从其画面的清晰度来看，显然是刚制作完成的，高澎哪儿来那么大的本事，我们人还在湘西，他就可以遥控指挥在星城制作出这样一幅超大的广告牌。我马上在人群里寻找高澎，人来人往中，他正眯着一双小眼睛朝我笑呢。 其他同行的人也看到了那广告牌，一片惊叫。后来我才知道，高澎通过电脑将照片传给星城工作室的朋友后，他的那帮哥们儿就连夜加班加点制作成了这幅广告牌，并换下了火车站原来那幅旧广告。他的用心良苦让我吃惊得连话都说不出来。 这件事很快地传遍了电台，不传遍都不行，那么一幅巨大的广告牌竖在那里谁会不知道？所有的人都拿我开涮，说我的湘西之行实在物超所值，而高澎又老是到电台晃悠，于是就少不了被那帮家伙宰，又是吃饭，又是玩，那阵子没少让高澎破费。但我感觉得出来他很兴奋，不仅应酬我的同事和朋友，也隔三岔五地带着我到他那帮狐朋狗友面前显摆，因为在他的朋友中只有他的“女朋友”是良家女子，这让他觉得很骄傲。 “总算找了个正经女人过日子了……”这是他对朋友见面必说的话。 每当这时我只会静静地微笑，不否认也不承认他对外界所宣称的我们的关系，说不清为什么，我觉得高澎看上去没心没肺，实则很敏感自卑，让我很不忍心打击他跟我在一起时真心流露出来的兴奋。我很清楚高澎兴奋的原因，他是真的想改变了，想过正常人的生活了。他对正常生活的渴望超乎我的想象，其实我跟他在一起并没有多么的不同寻常，也就是一起吃吃饭、逛逛街、看看电影，或者到南门口吃一顿辛辣无比的口味虾等等，当然也喝酒，有时候喝醉了也谈谈心，不过第二天一睁眼什么都忘了，该干什么还是干什么，一切都不会改变。 我知道我过得很麻醉，什么事情都懒得想了，人反而轻松了许多。我努力地想忘却那些压在心里令我喘不过气的思念和苦痛，试图换一种全新的方式生活，而高澎天生就是个玩乐的高手，一周内他总能想到不同的方式去消遣，郊游、钓鱼、滑冰、游泳、去乡下度周末等等。顺便说一下，他在乡下也有个工作室，是租的一个农民的房子，土墙泥瓦，高澎很喜欢那里，房子里挂满了他的作品。他在摄影上确实很有天赋，拍出来的东西总能捕捉到画面的灵魂。我喜欢他的作品，也很欣赏他的洒脱和随性，有时候甚至觉得他像个孩子，透明得不带一点儿杂质。 高澎的夜生活丰富，一周有三四个晚上都在酒吧里度过。我偶尔也被他拉去，使我感兴趣的是周围每个人对他的阐述都不一样，有说他破过产的，有说他进过号子的，有说他吸过毒的，还有说他贩过盗版书的，甚至还有人说他开过地下赌场……就是没有一个人说他是搞艺术的，在那些人的描述里高澎简直就是五毒俱全无恶不作，对此我睁一只眼闭一只眼半信半疑。 只有一样东西可以确认，那就是他的调情手段的确名不虚传，可以断定，他确实是从女人堆里爬过来的，他在湘西时跟我说的那些话看来一点儿也没有夸张。这也使我理解到他为什么如此渴望过正常人的生活，而我居然成了将他从混乱中解救出来的女人，我真是诚惶诚恐，一点儿也不介意他过去做过什么样的荒唐事了。 话说我之所以这么逍遥，很大程度上是我的那个“寂寞”的邻居近期不在国内，听樱之说在我去湘西不久他就回了美国。少了个人盯着，果然要自在很多。可是我没有想到祁树礼会这么快就回来了，而且恰好让他撞见高澎送我回家。当时我跟高澎在湖边的露台上聊得不亦乐乎，因为彼此都太熟，所以拉手拥抱是常事，感觉上高澎更像我的一个哥们儿。他好像说了件很可乐的事，我踹他一脚，他就将我拦腰抱起作势要往湖里扔，我被他吓得又叫又喊，引得过路的邻居纷纷侧目。我没觉得这有什么不妥，丝毫没有注意到刚刚下班回家的祁树礼就在旁边看着。 高澎走后，我正要进屋，祁树礼已经换下西服穿了舒适的针织衫站在我家门口，冷冷地跟我打招呼：“考儿，很久不见了！” “咦，你什么时候回来的？”刚才我光顾着跟高澎打闹，没注意到他。 “我什么时候回来的你有这么关心吗？”他眼光钩子似的盯着我，“这么快就移情别恋了，真是让我刮目相看啊，刚刚也不跟我介绍下？” 我懒得理他，自顾进屋。祁树礼跟着进来，小四系着围裙正在厨房里忙，闻声迎出来惊喜不已，“祁叔叔，您回来了？” 如果是往常，祁树礼肯定会跟小四寒暄两句，可是今天他只是点点头，样子非常难看。小四很会察言观色，忙默不作声地进去倒茶了。 我径直上楼，以为祁树礼会就此打住，没想到他也跟着上来，我顿时就有些警惕了，因为他从未与我单独在一起时上过楼。我转身站在楼梯口瞪着他，“你干吗？” “你说我要干吗呢？”他一步步地走上来，板着脸，镜片后的那双眼睛冰碴似的刺人，“考儿，这么久不见，你也不表示下欢迎？” 这时候我也察觉到气氛有些异于平时，于是努力挤出一丝笑容，“都这么熟了，还用得着这套吗？”说实话，我觉得我的笑容可能有些假，脸上僵僵的。 祁树礼走上楼，站到我跟前，咄咄逼人，“是吗，我们很熟吗？那我们可不可以有些亲密的举止，就像刚才你跟那小子一样，可以吗？” 我被问得倒退两步，显然他在我脸上找不到他想要的答案，目光刀子似的一闪，他突然大笑起来，笑声在寂静的房子里回旋，让人感到毛骨悚然。我不敢直视他，退到墙边，这时候我已经意识到危险的来临，强迫自己镇定，“你这是怎么了，我又没得罪你，干吗呀你……” “你说呢，你跟那个小子才认识几天，居然就跟他搂搂抱抱的了，我就住你隔壁，挖空心思地对你好，可是你连张真诚的笑脸都不肯给我，你自己去照镜子，你刚刚笑得有多假！白考儿，你还要我怎么样对你呢，是不是我把心掏出来，你还会不屑一顾地踩上一脚啊？我的心也是肉长的，也会疼，也会伤心，你懂不懂？”他止住笑，说变脸就变脸，用一种我从未见过的冷酷眼神审视着我，“你说话啊，怎么不说话了？这么久不见，我每天都在想念着你，忙完公务我连衣服都没换就赶最早的航班飞过来，我是真的很想你，你知道吗？” “谢谢！”我冷冷地答，恢复了些平静。 谁知我话音刚落祁树礼就冲上前一把抓住我的肩膀，恶声恶气地冲我吼：“你知道我这么想你为什么还这么对我，我不过离开了一个月，你转身就跟别的男人勾搭上了，就那么个烂人，你可以毫无顾忌地跟他搂搂抱抱，你把我放在哪里？你说！你说！你说啊！”他拼命摇着我的肩膀，恨不得捏碎我。我被摇得眼冒金星，尖叫起来：“放开我，放开我，你……你弄疼我了！” “考儿，为什么你还是不能明白我的心，即使你不爱我，难道一定要用这种毫无诚意的假脸面对我吗？我在你眼里真的一无是处吗？你知不知道你好残忍，居然用这种方式来羞辱我，你知不知道你这是在羞辱我？我不是铜墙铁壁，我也是有脸面的人！” 祁树礼急速地说着，脸涨得通红。我被他捏着动弹不得，张着嘴大口大口地呼气，突然我的嘴被堵住了，祁树礼粗暴地吻住了我的唇。他像只贪婪的蟒蛇缠住我吮吸我的舌头，我挣扎着，又踢又打，却毫无退路，直至被他逼到了卧室的门外。他将我推进屋，然后将门带上冲着楼下吓傻了的小四吼：“你马上给我滚出去，你要敢上前一步或是打电话我就叫人杀了你！” 说完他又转身冲入我的卧室，我想用门抵住他，却哪是他的对手，他一脚就把门踹开了，扑上前抓起我将我摔到床上。我从未见过如此粗暴的他，便本能地反抗，又喊又叫，衣服的扣子一颗颗被他扯掉，他完全失了控。厮打中我翻下了床，他也滚到了地毯上，床边就是开着的落地窗，直通二楼的露台，我连滚带爬地跑出去，不等他追上来，一只脚便已经搭上围栏，指着他，“你别过来，你再往前一步我就跳下去，我死给你看！” 祁树礼这时候大约已经清醒过来了，喘着气，“考儿……” “别过来！” “好，好，我不过来，”祁树礼双手举起，“你别冲动，我不过来。对不起考儿，我刚刚也不知道怎么了，我不是存心的，你下来，我这就走……” “滚！”我大叫。 祁树礼狼狈地转身，走出几步又回过头，目光陡然变得柔软，刚才的凶悍残暴已荡然无存，他看着我，那么无助，声音几近哽咽，“考儿，你的心真的那么遥远，让我终其一生也得不到吗？我们明明距离这么近……你真的让我很绝望，这么多年来我从未如此绝望过。考儿，我是认真的，如果有伤害到你，我很抱歉，对不起。”说完他就转身，缓步朝屋外走去。 我顺着围栏滑坐到地上，将头埋在膝盖上泣不成声。 ... 晚上，我给很久没有消息的瑾宜打电话，询问耿墨池的近况，现在我要知道耿墨池的消息只能通过瑾宜。 “他最近在忙基金的事。” “什么基金啊？” “哦，你还不知道吧，他成立了一个个人的音乐基金会，用以培养和奖励在这个领域内有突出才华的年轻人。他在忙这些事的时候我总觉得他是在安排后事一样，他一向不大管自己名下实业的，最近我也看到他多次召集财务经理和律师清点财产，起草各种各样的文件，他最近都很忙。”瑾宜说话的声音轻轻的，总让我想起她温柔恬静的样子，可是我一听说“后事”就受不了了，又呜呜地哭起来，“瑾宜，他的病真的没治了吗？” “也不是没治，是不知道什么时候能等到配型合适的心脏。这真不是钱可以办到的，而且墨池本人也不大期待这种手术，他总觉得把别人的心弄到自己的身体里让他难以接受，我跟他的私人医生一直在做他的工作，他始终很排斥。” “我要去见他，瑾宜，我要见他！” “你别过来，你来了他也不会见你的，他现在有很多事情要处理，为了应付米兰耗了他不少精力，米兰现在都长住上海了，前阵子她吵着要住墨园，墨池满足了她，上周说要去欧洲旅行，墨池也给她做了安排，她前天才刚走。墨池现在就是在拿钱买清静，他实在是被米兰吵得不行了，你要再来，他就更不好处理了。” 一连数天，我情绪低落。周末高澎约我去江边吃消夜，我没什么胃口。高澎察觉我情绪不太好，瞅着我直摇头，“你总是太忧郁，我已经很努力地要医治你的忧郁了，可你自己不努力，我也没办法。”高澎对于我反复无常的情绪很有意见，他一直就说我太忧郁，说我这个样子迟早会把自己困死，“老实说我不喜欢忧郁的女人，我也没有太多的精力去改造一个人，我试过了，太吃力，我自己都改造不了自己更没有办法去改造别人。” 吃完饭后我们去酒吧，其实我并不想去，但实在害怕一个人回家守着空落落的屋子，那不是寂寞，而是深深的绝望。我真怕我控制不住会跑去上海，我实在太想他了，挖空心思地想，搜肠刮肚地想，把回忆当成了赖以生存的空气，我每时每刻都在回忆，比如此刻在酒吧，我神思完全游离在现实之外。其实周围很嘈杂，空气污浊，不大的舞池挤满了紧紧贴在一起跳慢舞的男女，在昏暗暧昧的灯光和极尽调情的音乐的催化下，那些男女搂在一起纠缠热吻，好似他们已经好了几个年头了，其实他们有可能两个小时前还是陌生人。 “怎么了，遇到什么烦心事了吗？”高澎一边给我斟酒一边试探着问。我端过酒杯一饮而尽，埋着头没说话。 “别想用酒来浇愁，”高澎拿过我手里的酒杯，“我试过无数次，没用。” 我抓住他的手，像抓住救命的稻草，“告诉我，高澎，我该怎么办，你体会过度日如年的感觉吗？就是那种了无生趣的感觉，因为无休无止的思念让自己陷入绝望，活着比死去还难受，怎么办呢，你说怎么办呢？” "Kaoer..." “你只需告诉我该怎么办，什么也别问，我也什么都不会说。” “又是一个失恋的女人。”他叹着气直摇头。 “我没有失恋，”我纠正道，“爱情这个东西，只有自己才可以放弃，即使对方不爱你了，你不放弃，爱就还在你心里……我现在的情况是，还爱着他，他却不要我靠近，他说要我过自己的生活，可是我想要什么样的生活他从来不知道……”我烦乱地摆着头，“我只是想跟他在一起，哪怕远远地看着他也行。见不到他我恨不得死，我现在就想死，活着太难受了……” “考儿，你要我说实话吗？”高澎搭住我的肩膀，语重心长地跟我谈心，“要说生不如死的感觉，我想我最有发言权，因为这些年我一直就是生不如死。我经常跟朋友说我是个躺在棺材里过日子的人，活着就像死去。当然偶尔也会出来透透气，可是在最疲惫不堪的时候，我还是选择躺进去，虽然里面的感觉一点儿也不好受，但躺进去后心会静下许多，我会养足了精神再出来，继续享受生活，折腾生活……” 我瞪着眼睛看着他，不大明白他想跟我说什么。 “听明白了吗？”他也看着我，用手指了指胸口，“在我们心里，应该给自己预留一口棺材，说起来是有点那个，但实际上这口棺材是很好的心灵疗养所。当你在凡世挣扎得很痛苦的时候，你就不妨自己躺进去，什么也别想，把所有的悲伤绝望通通扔到棺材外面，你在里面就是最纯粹的自己，慢慢地，你心里的伤口会有愈合的迹象，就算不能痊愈，至少不会那么疼痛了。然后你就可以出来，太阳一照，什么事都没了，你会觉得所有的伤害不过如此，该干吗干吗去，没什么大不了，因为大不了我又躺进去……” I was dumbfounded. 高澎没看我，点了根烟，吐出一口，又吸进一口，烟雾笼罩的表情模糊不清，好像说出这些话是件很吃力的事情。 “高澎，你是个天才，说得真好，把什么都说透了。” “是因为我什么都看透了。”高澎笑着说。 “那我就照你说的办，在心里放口棺材……” “考儿，我跟你讲这些话的意思并不一定是要你弄口棺材，我是希望你把什么都看淡一点儿，爱也好，恨也好，希望也好，绝望也好，都不要太较真，当有一天我们躺进真正的棺材的时候，可以少些遗憾，活着的时候纯粹地活，死了就会少很多遗憾……” 我连连点头，“我听你的，高澎。” “你不像一个很听话的孩子，惊天动地地一闹腾，你又是我行我素。” “你怎么这么了解我？” 高澎呵呵地笑起来，“就你这么个一根肠子通到底的人，我要看不透的话，我行走江湖十几年就白混了！” 我耍赖地一把拽住他的胳膊说：“高澎，我崇拜你！” 第二天上班的时候，樱之给我打电话，问我是不是跟祁树礼闹别扭了。我问怎么了，樱之说祁树礼早上把她叫进办公室，说了一堆的话，大意是我不理他，希望樱之可以当个和事佬云云。“你们出啥事了？祁总昨天就往返我办公室好几趟，又没什么具体的事吩咐，支支吾吾，欲言又止，这可太不像他了，今天他才跟我说实话，说他不小心惹恼了你，哎，他怎么惹你了？”樱之的好奇心泛滥，我却不知道该怎么跟她说，这种事要我怎么说呢，真有点难以启齿。 虽然祁树礼确实惹恼了我，不过我并不想破坏他在樱之心中的领导形象，说到底是邻居，搞得仇人相见分外眼红并不是我乐见的。虽然这两天我见了祁树礼脸色是不大好看，但那天的事我其实并没有太往心里去，这两天心里乱着也顾不上想这茬事，就当是被蜜蜂蜇了吧，我是这样想的。所以我轻描淡写地跟樱之说：“没什么，我调戏了他几句，他