Chapter 35 Remember the first day of May

Some people suddenly go berserk and throw themselves into the fire with all their strength, desperate. This person's behavior is often noticed by the world, and everyone regards him as a "crazy".This man is also a "hero" because he can sacrifice his life for a cause that people fear.People who sacrifice their bodies to certain beliefs are dumb, and we have no way of analyzing the difference between heroes and lunatics.However, with the exception of a few people, the countless people who have sacrificed their lives under lust have been ignored by the world.Isn't it common to throw one's soul on a woman and let the fire of love burn one's self?The me now, isn't I just disposing of myself like that?I think I always have one of the two titles of "crazy" and "hero".Maybe others should be called heroes in this matter, and I can't help but think myself crazy at another time.

What is clear about this is that this love, rather than saying that its foundation is built on the souls of the two people, it is better to say that it has to lay foundations on the body first.However, until now, besides the person who gave me the soul and looked sideways at him, and embraced him with my back, what other great things have I done?I should do, the only thing I should do to this little grandma, I never did.As for some nonsense, I talked a lot, some things that I can make trouble with, whether it is chrysanthemum, or chrysanthemum, or..., but I also got into a lot of trouble with her.

"Come in a little more," was the silent command the woman gave me every time I embraced her.I seem to be going in, as ordered.Yet I have never ventured to take the path that I should walk.And every time I get on this road, I seem to get discouraged first.I take some advantages and disadvantages, the reason of a middle-aged man stained with reputation, as my protector, and I would rather try my best to pinch the vines of my lust.Laozi's words of "not seeing what one wants but not being disturbed" have backfired on me.In a man's life I became a warrior, I became a beast, I had no reason, no scruples of any kind, I disposed of myself and her in a white-hot situation, we were all naked beasts, whatever The genius of each man who exerts his sexuality in the reproductive sense.But as soon as I saw her, I was done.After meeting her, I proved the existence of my ability under some teasing. If I go further, I feel her need, and if I go further, I will become afraid.In order to be cowardly, I hid my instincts and be honest.In this situation, the method I take is to escape.Of course it's good that I can escape far.Unfortunately I couldn't go far because of her attraction even though I escaped.

I can't go away because of this.I have reasons to leave this place, but I can't really escape because of this matter.I thought it was good for me to be a little obstacle to this temptation.Or other people's jealousy and the like make us have to keep a little distance, but not too far.If it's close, it's fine if it's close enough not to actually go to something dangerous. I can only pray to God again.I hope that God can give me the luck of not falling into a trap that I cannot get out of, in addition to my ability.I admit that I have a gentleman's hobby, and I can't tolerate dross emotionally. Although the fire of lust burns in my heart, it can be quenched with the water of my sanity.However, the ebb and flow of these two weights cannot be within the limits of a fixed balance. In case, during a kiss, even if I am the same old me, but she shows her naked body in front of me , Is there any way I can reject the inevitable result of this trap?

I am always contradicting and resisting each other on this matter.Even if you know it's impossible, don't burn it.But is it more than just burning?Sometimes it will burst, this is what I am confident that there will be that day.At that time, I will lose my sanity and put myself in a kind of lust without any scruples. Looking through my diary for this month, I am really surprised that I got up.I have memorized so many trivial actions that belong to the superficial relationship of each person, as if I was writing a novel for people to enjoy, to make a record for this life.Can't I do something else?How long am I going to be in this situation?Am I really going to beg for an aunt?Over the past month, I have placed my wife behind my head, but there is no shadow of my wife behind my head.For my behavior in the past month, I can only mock and cry bitterly, and I don't think there is anything gratifying about it.

Now it's been another four days since I disappeared. Could it be that this dream just woke up so peacefully?Is this the end?I can't believe we're going to take it so lightly. God knows what this woman is thinking about me now and in the future. All I could see clearly was my own battle between reason and lust, and I didn't take sides.I tried my best to protect me, restrain me, warn me not to venture into the rough road, and at the same time, I did not close the door of my emotions.Sometimes I get dragged to a most dangerous thing because of my feelings, but my reason temporarily comes out and leads me back to a peaceful place to rest.Just pulling and pulling my head like this, I can get more distress than sacrificing my lust or sacrificing my reason!I could barely move.For example, if you use needles to make felt blankets, turning around and going back and forth are all those sharp needles that pierce the skin.

Angel I was a little wiser, or a little stupider, I believe, I could very easily place myself in the case that suits me. It's useless to just vent my own stupidity, just let this feeling climb to the top, and then fall from a high place and it's over.I came today determined to do this, tidy up and prepare to go to her home.In the name of seeing her sister-in-law, I want to walk one foot closer to her and shorten the distance between our hearts to the end where facts help us.The sins created by my mind are always three times or four times larger than what I can actually do to another person, and I feel pitiful when I think about it.Some people do it without thinking about it; some people can get satisfaction from dreaming alone.Both kinds of people have less pain.As for me, I mixed these two elements together, neither willing to suffer the dream of love in my own heart, nor capable of digging out the treasure in another.I give my sympathy to those who live only in my mood. I think there is nothing in the world that is more troubled than this.

Letter from wife.Attached is a photo of Du Er lying on the bed, twice as big as when he left Beijing last year.There is such a passage in the letter: Dun Zai reads the word "Baba" every day, and doesn't know whether it is "Baba" or "Daddy", and asks him what he wants, but he stuffs it into the mouth with his hand.As long as you can stay outside for a while and get by, don't worry about us.Dubby's grandmother sent forty yuan and a large bag of lychees. After eating lychees, the child was no longer "baba". ... It's really not worth asking your son to think about being a father!Dad has fallen, but Dad doesn't blame himself, but blames your mother.Indeed, if my wife was a bit more aggressive, I might be able to use the power my wife gave me to stop this undue distress.

What my wife gave me, and the efficiency that can be produced in me, is only a weaker and more useless outlook on life, which I can write here in advance. "My wife's good character is just giving me more opportunities to turn to the bad side." Out of inexplicable guilt, I took out again the photo of Juzi's wife that Juzi said looked like a person, and put it on the table together with Duduer's photo. Guilty, what fantasies I get from this look.I think, I can give birth to such a son for someone other than my wife. This person is actually happier than my wife. No, the growth and growth of a person’s ambition cannot be eradicated or predicted by any method. On the top of the photo of his wife and blunt son, the spiritual construction reaches the sky.

In order to accommodate the hexagrams and lines of the old liar at the market inquiry center, I took other people's concubine as my concubine, and, as a result of our love and kinship, the results were published at the same time as a wife and child.In another moment I have arranged our way of life.And I move myself into a social position of having a concubine.I seem to have a taste of the most ordinary life of the so-called scholar-officials. ...However, in the end, doubts arose between the word "competition" and the word "accounting". I don't forget the nonsense that the old liar told me the first time.Even if it is possible to occupy it, but if the wife comes here, I am afraid that there is still only one of them!

In my heart, there is still no way to fight for possession. Let the seal of my wife be on my heart. I can join any team of women and girls, and I am not afraid of the temptation of sin.If not, and hug the person in front of me with my heart, then I give up on the wife. one Faced with guilt and guilt in front of my wife, on the other hand I regard my wife as the person who caused me to confess my sins in front of her.The first time I kissed in my wife's photo was to thank my wife for giving me the opportunity to repent, and the second time I was to thank God for giving me the opportunity to get close to the second woman.My wife has the left hand, and my aunt has the right hand; the left hand slapped my mouth, and the right hand came over to rub it immediately. The unprogressive thoughts soon occupied all my will. In the evening, Ziming came to talk to me, and felt that this person was a bit annoying. This disgusting feeling was something he had never felt before hearing what sister Ju said. But Ziming talked about her four times. "I think, this man, kind of..." he said. "I don't feel much interest in this matter," Hui said, which seemed too tough. When Ziming arrived, he probably saw my displeasure, and still maintained his American-style lively and reserved demeanor, nodding his head as usual and going out. Hearing the rumble of an empty cart being dragged by outside the wall, I suddenly remembered that horses are a very poor animal, and suddenly felt infinite compassion.Horse, in terms of physical labor, it is sympathetic to serve without resistance, but no one can understand the restless gallop of my mind, and there will never be anyone who is bothered and happy about this unconscious only hope. People have pity and sympathy!