Chapter 28 Section 6 I am Yoichiro Mo

Hui Jian, Aunt Jiang of Yuan Ye Fang: I earnestly hope that this letter will not reach my aunt. If my aunt receives this letter, it means that I should be in the detention center now.I was charged with killing a psychiatrist named Munehei Tachi, and that's what I was about to do.After doing this, the police may suspect me during the search, so I decided to write this letter first, and if I am arrested by the police, I will entrust this letter to someone and ask him to represent me sent. The purpose of this letter is only one thing, and that is to hope that my aunt can take care of Huang Jie on my behalf until the day I return to society again.This period will definitely not be too long, I guess it should only be a few years, or even less than a year if it is short, please see my explanation later for the reason.

Next, I would like to explain the ins and outs of the whole incident, hoping to gain my aunt's approval and understanding through the detailed description. I decided to kill the man Tianji because of a confession made by Sakie to me on the hospital bed.Due to the attack of cancer, Sakie passed away a few days ago, but she confessed one thing to me before she left.Sakieda told me that Tachi once tried to force sex with her in that ward, and she finally agreed to him. At that time, Sakieda was very ill, and no one knew how many weeks she would live.One evening, Tian Di came to her ward and threatened her with horrible words.He said: If you don't dedicate yourself, your husband will lose his job; even if your husband changes another job, I will leak his past medical records to the new company.

I believe my aunt is also very clear that I can work as a cleaner in the current workplace because of the relationship between the fields.Three years ago, Tian Di cured my heart disease and got me this job through relationships. Sakie agreed to him.In addition to the threats that Tianji said, the happiness and insanity brought about by the morphine administered to relieve the pain must also be one of the reasons for Sakie to succumb.Of course, these must also be included in Tian Di's calculations. On the dying bed, Sakieda handed over her body to Tian Di. During the bestiality, no one entered the ward.Presumably Tian Di made some excuses.Attending physicians and nurses are prohibited from entering the ward.This is not a difficult task for Tian Tian, ​​​​who has worked in a university hospital for many years.

As early as when Sakieda was in college, Tada had a special feeling for her, which I had already vaguely noticed.When he learned that Sakieda's life span was limited, he probably thought it was the last chance to fulfill his desire for many years. After listening to Sakie's confession, the hatred I felt towards Tian Chi was so strong that even I couldn't believe it.Hatred does not come from the heart, and hate does not dominate the heart. When hatred arises, the whole heart becomes the only emotion.In that instant, I understood deeply the root of hatred and its limits. Tian Di's sexual needs are different from ordinary people.This point, I have a little sense in college.I think this may be due to his childhood life.His parents divorced when he was young because of the traumatic incident, so he never saw a man and woman united by love when he was growing up.In an ordinary family, children see their parents respecting, loving and supporting each other, and they will unconsciously pursue the same way of getting along when they grow up.However, children who do not feel the love of their parents during their growth often cannot understand what the love between men and women is.He sees as human beings who do not understand, and sometimes do not even talk about, what sex has to do with love.I think fields are a prime example.

However, the injury incident of Tian Di's parents cannot be an excuse for him to get rid of the crime.He has become what he is today, and I think he needs to take responsibility, his sin is extremely serious. So, I decided to let him die to atone for his sin. I've already figured out how to kill him.I don’t know if my aunt knows, but there is a five-story research building on the campus of Sagami Medical University where I was studying.In a few days, I plan to secretly call Tianji to the top floor of the research building, where Sakieda's friend committed suicide by jumping off the building a while ago.I will put a bouquet of flowers where she jumped off the building.When I came to the place where the old acquaintance jumped off the building, and saw a bouquet of flowers beside the railing, I would always want to stand there and look downstairs. This is human nature, and Tian Di will definitely do the same.I planned to take advantage of that moment and push him down from behind.A few days ago, I went to the top floor to explore. There is an outdoor unit of the air conditioner, which is just suitable for hiding.I could have easily killed him by simply hiding behind that machine and timed myself to approach him from behind.As long as there is no evidence left, Tian Di should be judged as a suicide.

If my crimes were revealed, I would of course be taken away by the police and enter the detention center.However, even if I were to go to the detention center, I would not expect to be tried.Just in case, I added another safety measure.For a while now, I've been acting in a scene; a scene in which the old integration disorder relapses. In Tiandi's consultation room, there is my medical record, which clearly records my "disease".Tian Di is an authority in the field of psychiatry.After I was arrested, the doctor in charge of evaluating the mental state would definitely refer to Tian Di's medical records when writing the medical certificate.And my old friends Mizushiro Toru and Takeuchi Emi will also testify for my "disease" when facing the doctor in charge of the appraisal.These days, I'm even acting in front of them.Also, if the police search my room, they will find a report I wrote.I'm going to put this report on the table so the searchers can easily find it.This report can also prove my "disease" again.

In the past, people who tried to escape guilt by pretending to be mentally ill often made some mistakes. The most typical mistakes are two points. The first point is that the disease is too exaggerated. Only acting.In order to avoid such mistakes, I moderately showed my "sickness" to my two old friends, and even to Huang Jie.I believe that these concerns can bring me a good result. Regret about life, self-blame, escape, delusion, schizophrenia, projection, shadow... Tian Di must have used these words to determine my "disease" when writing medical records.In order to escape reality, I had a delusion in my heart, thinking that I was a psychiatrist, and denied that I had such a delusion, and projected the part of the denial on my friend Shuicheng, treating him as a shadow..., Tian Di’s diagnosis result, presumably That's it.But I didn't cast my shadow on Shuicheng, but I cast my shadow on me.

It was not difficult for Tian Di to believe that I had another illness, because Tian Di had experienced an event that he regretted sixteen years ago.A patient he thought had fully recovered committed homicide after being released from the hospital.Since that incident, Tian Di has lived in regret.He becomes too cautious in identifying the "normal" part of the patient's mental state.If there was no incident sixteen years ago, maybe he would have seen through my acting skills today. After all, he has many years of clinical experience as a psychiatrist. Before he died, if Tian Di saw that I pushed him from behind, he would have understood all my tricks at that moment, and he knew that he died amidst my ridicule.An experienced psychiatrist with both qualifications and authority was actually tricked by a cleaner.I believe that the moment he fell from the roof of the research building to the ground, the anger and shame he felt in his heart can somewhat comfort Sakieda's spirit in heaven.

I am writing this letter with this painting by Munch beside me.After finishing Sakie's funeral, I bought this painting and hung it on the wall in order to strengthen my determination to take revenge on Tada.I wonder if my aunt has seen it?A man opened his eyes and mouth wide and was yelling.Above the man's head is a piece of red sky, in the corner of the sky is written a string of tiny words: Only a madman could draw such a picture. Today, no one knows whether this string of strange words was written by Meng Ke himself, or a prank by others. I stare at this painting every night, imprinting this string of tiny words deep in my eyes, vowing to carry out my plan.I will definitely succeed, be a "crazy guy" and paint a picture of myself.

I have stated at the beginning of this letter that if my crimes are revealed and I am sent to the detention center, I hope my aunt can take care of Huang Jie on her behalf.However, I would like to emphasize again that this period will definitely not be too long. Judging from the current situation in Japan, in the past, only 15% of murderers who were judged to be mentally ill were tried by the courts, and nearly 85% were given non-prosecution sanctions, without even going to the courts.Originally, it should be the judge's job to judge whether the prisoner is responsible, but because the prosecutor did not prosecute the murderer, there is no so-called judge's judgment at all.The ridiculous thing is that most of these prosecutors do not have the knowledge of psychiatry.

Suffering from mental illness, murderers who are not prosecuted will be sent to the psychiatric departments of various hospitals for treatment.However, due to the shortage of psychiatrists, nurses and hospital beds, the hospitalization period of these people is not long, and many patients are discharged in less than a year.Patients who are discharged from the hospital will be freed from surveillance forever in their future lives, because Japan has no follow-up and observation mechanism for patients who have been discharged from the hospital. How to interpret these facts is different for everyone.In fact, the crime rate of mental patients is much lower than that of normal people, so I did not bring up the current situation in Japan to criticize.At least for me now, this information is quite beneficial. Once the responsible doctor Tian Di dies, other doctors will definitely take over to treat me.For a short while, I'll continue to act in front of that doctor.After Tian Di's death is successfully judged as a suicide, I will show the results of "treatment" and become a "normal" person. Please do not tell Huang Jie the contents of this letter.Even if my act of killing Tian Di was exposed and I was forced to send this letter to my aunt, whether I should tell Huang Jie all the truth after I am discharged from the hospital, I still cannot make a decision. In carrying out such a plan, I don't expect to be free from criticism, but I hope you can understand that I am not strong enough to hide this maddening hatred deep in my heart and live in a muddle. Finally, allow me to pray one more time. I hope this letter will not be sent to my aunt. Sincerely, I, Yoichiro Mo Thursday night, May 18