Chapter 73 third quarter

This kind of emotion is also applicable to another situation, that is your first question, you can't understand why I want to hang the painting of "Aoba Ancient City" in Kuwahara Yumiko's shop?I can explain this, because I am a painter, and I paint when I want to paint, which is half true, and I think you know it, and the other half is that I paint because I want to be praised by people. People, not just painters, writers and actors also want applause and praise for their works and performances. Especially for people like me who have a strong vanity, they seek the praise of others. After I returned to Sendai, I continued to paint under the pseudonym Tsuneo Goto, just hoping to win the applause of others. That painting hangs in Kuwahara Yumiko's shop. I know it's dangerous to do that, because the painting lacks vitality and personality, and it can be seen at a glance that it is my work. However, in order to let more people see my painting, I refrained Uneasy mind, I know it's stupid to do this.

Finally, there is something about Mariko Tajima.You said that I didn't have love for her from the beginning, then you are wrong, the reason I have said before is that I killed her to make the plan a complete success. Because if you don't kill her, the restored portrait will be discovered, and it will be seen that I brought the wine mixed with potassium cyanate. However, killing her makes me feel very painful. If it is possible, I will not I hope to kill her, because I still have a little love for her, if I have no feelings for her, before killing her, I will definitely hug her and make love to her, but, because I still have a little love for her , I didn't do it because I couldn't offend her again.The person I hugged the night before the incident was Yumiko Kuwahara. When she was hugging me, she asked me if I was still in love with my wife?Because Kuwahara Yuko didn't know my plan, so she just said it casually, without any intention, but her words hurt my heart. At that time, I told myself to stabilize my mood, and everything will be over tomorrow.

When I write this letter, I am not trying to alleviate my guilt a little, but just to let you understand my feelings at that time.I have nothing to write, I am afraid I will be sentenced to death?After the sentence is sentenced, the sentence will be executed within a few days, right?If there are still a few days left, I hope to allow me to pick up the brush and paint again, because I don’t think I will be afraid of Tajima Kohei’s phantom this time, and I can face the canvas with peace of mind. After I am sure whether I have the talent to be a painter , to die without regret. Maybe this is where I am stubborn.