Chapter 8 4. No one "dating"

"We stay in the factory every day, and we live a simple and boring life like going to work, eating, and sleeping every day, and we can't find a sense of belonging in Shenzhen." In 2010, Sanyo Micro-motor Co., Ltd. of Shajing Town, Baoan, Shenzhen was elected as a representative of the National People's Congress for the first time. Yao Qiongying, director of the workshop, said so.The feelings of Yao Qiongying, who has lived in Shenzhen for more than 10 years, also represent the aspirations of most outsiders who "look for food" in Guangdong. People who venture into Shenzhen are almost all the same: no matter whether you are speculative or fluke, entrepreneurial or adventurous, one thing is certain and common, that is, you must survive and develop by yourself. Life in the new continent of the "Special Zone" will soon make these hurried foreign job seekers understand what it means to "not believe in tears".Because they will quickly find themselves in an arena.

People from all corners of the country gather in this new continent. As the saying goes, "Whoever comes is not kind, and those who are kind don't come", no one is a coward.The winner is the prince and the loser is the bandit.Winners can go straight to the sky and make a lot of money, while losers can only pack up and leave.Because they are facing a competitive market.This market is ruthless, turning its face and denying people.Anyone who fails to become a strong player will be unceremoniously eliminated.This has to make Shenzhen people always in a state of combat readiness. In this city of desire and stories of instant riches, you can't live without money.This forces you not to slack off, and you have to work hard to make money.So some girls complained that it was too difficult to be a woman in Shenzhen: they had to be independent and dependent on others.Because the husband has to "donate the house", he is no longer able to support his wife, but no one wants his wife or lover to be a bossy "strong woman".Similarly, men also have distress.They complain that girls nowadays are too demanding: they are neither willing to fall in love with a "person who does not earn money" nor a "person who does not go home", but they go home on time every day, and where do they earn money? money to go?

"Dating" (Cantonese, referring to making friends and falling in love between men and women) has become a luxury that is "available" but "dare not to have" in this high-speed city.The “Survey Report on the Survival Conditions of the New Generation of Migrant Workers in Shenzhen” released by the Shenzhen Federation of Trade Unions on July 15, 2010 pointed out that among the new generation of migrant workers, most of them were unmarried, accounting for 71.5%. Scottish philosopher David Hume famously said, "The great end of all human endeavours is the attainment of happiness."However, people who pursue a happy future in big cities lack happiness in the present. In 2010, the "White Paper on the Happiness of Middle-Class Families" released by Zhonghong Insurance, China's first Sino-foreign joint venture life insurance company, released the happiness index of 35 model cities across the country.The first person to put forward the concept of "happiness index" was Samuelson, an American economist and Nobel laureate in the 1950s.Now, many countries in the West are paying close attention to the soft indicator of "happiness index", and have researched and planned to set up an indicator to measure people's happiness, making it the same as GDP to become a standard for measuring a country's development level.

In this report, comprehensive evaluation results: Shenzhen's happiness index ranks the bottom one in the country.On the one hand, the rapid development of Shenzhen has attracted many people to work and live in Shenzhen. On the other hand, the high pressure of life in Shenzhen has brought people a general "happiness crisis".Respondents believe that the important factors affecting their well-being are high housing pressure, high work pressure, poor traffic conditions, and lack of time to spend with family.People wandering in Shenzhen not only lack the warmth of their families, but even love has become out of reach.

The words "Death and life are broad, enjoy each other with your son; hold your hand, grow old together with your son" seems a bit extravagant in Shenzhen, because, in this city of fierce competition and alienation, love is the most important thing from beginning to end. Strange is also the most scarce noun. In 2009, a hot post on Shenzhen's website, "Shenzhen's bougainvillea is so beautiful and lonely", attracted the attention of the city's "Queens of Lost Dogs".Now, this online article is presented for everyone to feel the helplessness and loneliness of the "Bone Demon" in Shenzhen.

Most cities have city flowers that represent or symbolize their own city image. The city flower of Shenzhen is Bougainvillea. In my opinion, Bougainvillea has two characteristics. How silently and appropriately.I checked the names of bougainvillea, bougainvillea, trefoil, bougainvillea, bougainvillea, bougainvillea, leaf plum, paper flower, South American mirabilis, etc. There are so many flower names that echo the immigrant city of Shenzhen. The unique features, co-authored names from all corners of the country, scientific names and aliases, beautiful women like flowers also come from all over the world, from self-taught to returnees with doctors, there are working girls and well-known corporate executives, all kinds of fragrances and fragrances in Shenzhen .I don’t know if there is any scientific research or the source, but Bougainvillea has two flower languages, which are vigorous, beautiful and sad, like many women who have dedicated themselves in Shenzhen.

Love in Shenzhen is very light. The love of single older women is even lighter, lighter than a feather or lighter than a hair. Mountain.I don’t know the official data and explanations about the definition and concern of single older women in Shenzhen, but I have many girlfriends over 28 years old who are unmarried and unmarried and not optimistic about the future. Little A and Little D are girls who were born before the "Cultural Revolution". They work in two Fortune Global 500 companies respectively. So far unmarried; use my words to describe their life trajectory: they don't know each other, but they live like facing a mirror.

Neighbor Xiao F lived in 1978, lived with his parents, traveled all year round at home and abroad, had no fixed accommodation, no regular friends, and no regular mood to have a boyfriend; Big L and Miss T in the company may not know that their situation is not good. When they have good words for us, we will praise their great dedication. Perversion of an old maid. Little Y said the same thing to me last week again last week: I want to find a man with not too bad quality to have a baby, I can accept being an unwed mother, I really want a baby, I really want to have a baby. I can't wait any longer. I'm 34 years old, but I still can't solve two problems. One is that unmarried mothers spend a lot of money to register their children, and I don't have a lot of money. Another problem is, It's really, really hard to find a guy who isn't too bad quality, I can't find it.

Little W is very tired of the two-point and one-line life of the company and home, but there is nothing she can do. One day she asked me: Can divorced women only go to the square to dance with their forties to be harmonious?Although 30 is a lot. 33-year-old Xiao M is unmarried and never in love. She hasn’t seen her netizens for several years. Her QQ name was changed to “Autumn” and her signature reads: I plant love in the soil in spring, and it will rot in autumn. Xiao P asked her colleagues to take her younger sister on a blind date first. She said: It is already difficult to find a partner in 1976. Maybe the situation in 1978 will be a little better.

Xiao Q's starting point in Shenzhen was a nightclub lady, starting from the age of 22 in 2000. A few days ago, she said that she would really plan to fall in love and get married next year. What kind of scholar did Xiao R get out this year, and what name did she apply for? She has been studying for 28 years since she was 7 years old in elementary school, and she herself said that it is almost impossible to meet someone who is willing to marry her. Man, because of giving up, because there is no possibility, she can only make mistakes and continue studying... These are some women, women, girls, and ladies I know. They are struggling in Shenzhen, ecstatically fighting, living in confusion, and breathing numbly. Their efforts are for fame, for profit, for parents, for younger siblings, for Sincerity, for vanity, for fulfillment, for escape... It's just that I didn't find a way out for my marriage and love future, it didn't matter, it was helpless.

Under the guidance of "time is money, efficiency is life" in Shenzhen, everything seems to run at high speed, fission, and reorganization, so fast that people have no time to calm down and think. Emotional nerves.Shenzhen has always been labeled as a society that is rich in material things but weak in emotion. In this land where money can buy almost everything, love has gradually become an unattainable luxury.As lamented in the urban novel "Shenzhen Slut", "This city is a bustling desert, only suitable for blooming coquettish neon lights. Sad people wander the streets, asking about the whereabouts of happiness. Love is just a legend." The legendary love is covered with a material collar, and the heavy housing price will also become a murderer that kills love. In 2010, Guangzhou conducted a survey on “The Impact of High Housing Prices on the Marriage of Single Youths in Guangzhou”. Through a survey of the marriage and love situation of 15,000 singles in Guangzhou, it was found that more than 54% of singles had housing needs in marriage, of which , more than 90% of men choose "do not mind" whether the other party owns a house, and more than 2/3 of women require that the man who is the marriage partner must have the ability to buy a house or already has a house.This is the problem of modern urbanites. In the 1980s, Shenzhen's economic reform and opening up also brought spiritual subversion. This place pursues the "wind of freedom" more than the inland areas.Wang Ziye, Chief Marriage and Love Consultant of Slightly Sour Marriage Consulting Agency, believes that in the 1980s, reform and opening up was being carried out across the country, with a surge of thoughts, and the college entrance examination had just resumed for a few years, and everyone generally held reverence for intellectuals.Moreover, there were very few college students at that time, and they were assigned by the state. After graduation, they basically had a golden job.For women, spiritual pursuits and material requirements can be met at the same time. Under the guidance of this concept, intellectuals once became the most sought-after spouses in Shenzhen in the 1980s.In the 1990s, Shenzhen people's views on mate selection and marriage have undergone earth-shaking changes. Just as China's economic tide is on the rise, idealism has been completely defeated by utilitarianism.At that time, the popular "Second Wife Village" became a unique symbol of Shenzhen.In the new millennium, marital realism has become popular, and multiple value orientations have the upper hand.The list made by those who come to Shenzhen to struggle includes: house, car, tickets, but this option can be ignored for lovers; love is flooded in Shenzhen, such professional words as mistress, flash marriage, weekend couple, homosexuality, 8-minute love, dink family, etc. But keep popping up. Under the birthmark of the "economic experimental field", Shenzhen has always been labeled as a society with rich material and weak feelings. In this land where money can buy almost everything, Shenzhen's love is inevitably linked to money, and it is becoming more and more difficult. More and more utilitarian.Just like Meng Yongjian, director of Lin Zi Shenzhen Counseling Center, said: "Shenzhen is a vanity fair, and it is also a resting place for dream seekers. Under the guidance of the concept of money first in the whole society, the relationship between men and women is basically just a fragile accessory. It's just a product." Just like the marriage conditions of his girlfriend disclosed by a Shenzhen man on the Internet, people have to sigh: I have been dating this girlfriend for more than a year now.It is said that we can already talk about marriage.After all, both sides are not small.I am 28, a technical secondary school degree; my girlfriend is 24, a college degree.Because I came out to work before graduating from technical secondary school, and after years of hard work, it is considered a small success.After all, in Shenzhen, a highly competitive city, you already have your own house, car, and tickets.Although he doesn't have much savings, he is considered a well-to-do family and lives a good life.My annual income is more than 100,000 yuan, and the company's internal shares, bonuses, and stock speculation by myself are no less than 100,000 yuan per year (if the situation is good).With this condition, I can be regarded as a small elite among many migrant workers with low education. However, my girlfriend whose monthly income was less than 4,000 was not satisfied with my current situation.When discussing important matters of marriage with him, he also made things difficult for me in every possible way, which made me miserable!The following is the girlfriend is the list of marriage conditions: (1) There must be 36 cars for all wedding cars.And must use Rolls-Royce or Lincoln (extended).There must be luxury cars such as Mercedes-Benz and BMW in the wedding car. (2) The wedding hotel must be 5 stars.Banquet shall not be less than 36 tables.The cost per table shall not be less than 8000. (3) Before the man buys the villa, the woman has the right not to have children for her.After buying the villa, the woman will only have one for the man, regardless of gender. (4) Parents-in-law are not allowed to live with them after marriage. (5) Buy a house with more than 3 bedrooms in Shenzhen for the woman's parents.The real estate certificate belongs to the woman's parents. (6) The wedding necklace must be diamond.The ring must be more than 2 carats. (7) In view of the fact that the man is entangled in multiple affairs, there is a small financial crisis.The woman lowered her requirements and hoped that the man would buy a red sports car for the woman with less than 400,000 yuan. (8) The man must not have ambiguous relationships with other women. (9) The salary must be handed over to the woman, and the man must not complain. (10) To be on the safe side, both parties must sign a marriage agreement! This condition is reminiscent of what someone said about Shenzhen many years ago: "The women in Shenzhen are all surnamed Qian, and they worship material things." Recently, the comments of Shenzhen gold-worshiping women circulating on the Internet also reflect the "price" of love in Shenzhen: " If you are a friend who has not yet bought a car or a house, please detour, I am not looking for potential stocks." This is the concept of love in a modern city where the competition for survival is becoming increasingly fierce. In his article "Urbanity as a Way of Life", American sociologist Worth believes that "modern metropolis" has the following characteristics: complex social structure, which produces highly specialized institutions; prominent population and cultural heterogeneity; Communication is replaced by secondary communication, kinship bonds are weakened, the social meaning function of the family is reduced, and the traditional basis of neighborhood relations and social integration is destroyed; communication in the city is superficial, transient, anonymous and impersonal.Urbanity leads to a sense of alienation from the everyday world, which gradually devalues ​​people's experience.In the torrent of social rationalization, monetization of life, and mechanization of production, the experience structure that maintains the past and the present, as well as the individual and society, disintegrates, and individuals fall into despair, loneliness, and pain. People who live in Shenzhen should be able to deeply understand this feeling, because there is a radio program in Shenzhen at night called "The Night Sky Is Not Lonely".Standing on the city overpass overlooking the bustling traffic and the lights of thousands of houses under the bridge, there is no place that belongs to you and me, just like a lonely soul wandering in the middle of the night, the shadow is the only companion. The towering "gateway barriers" of first-tier cities - housing, transportation, household registration, education, and medical care - are like the Leifeng Pagoda, overwhelming new immigrants.Because it has a unique "economic context" and "global context", it is not the "rural society" that people originally lived in.Therefore, some people say, "To work hard in a first-tier city, you need to have the ambition of a lion, the cunning of a fox, the patience of a camel and the good temper of a pig."However, even so, it is difficult to live in a first-tier city with style, let alone live here comfortably.