Chapter 9 Chapter 8 Girls "A Little Want to Cry"

On June 5, 1997, crowds of people crowded in front of the female dormitory of a certain university in Beijing. The teachers and students all looked extremely horrified and passed on a shocking news: "The girls in the 432 dormitory killed people!" "God, why did you do such a thing?" "I heard it was for tutoring. The man in that family has been bullying her for not a day or two, and she just..." At this moment, the police car from the Public Security Bureau and the ambulance from the hospital drove into the campus together, and the atmosphere at the scene became even more tense.Doctors in white coats were carrying a middle-aged man whose neck was bleeding profusely into an ambulance, while four heavily armed policemen broke through the crowd and rushed upstairs to the 432 dormitory.After a while, they escorted the "murderer", the young female student B of the school, down the stairs...

On this day, more than ten thousand teachers and students on campus were shocked by this sudden "murder incident".They all feel sorry for B. Regarding B, a third-year student in the Chinese Department, the teachers and classmates know her very well. B usually studies hard, and her grades are always at the top of the class. "How did you get to this point?" Amidst the voice of regret, the teachers and students were all thinking about the same question.However, those who know the details seem to feel that B's step is somewhat inevitable. B is a poor student. His father has been ill for many years, and his mother is paralyzed in the lower limbs. B has a younger brother and a younger sister. B understands that it is not easy for him to go to university in Beijing, and he understands that he can no longer let his family bear the burden because of himself. In fact, he is embarrassed Her family will not give her any financial help.In the first few days when she arrived in Beijing to go to university, she began to rush about her living expenses and tuition fees.At the beginning, she applied for this famous normal university, on the one hand, because she loves this major, and on the other hand, she knows that the students in this school are the most popular work-study students in the country. There are five or six figures of "family property" in the small passbook. B thought that he would not say how much he could earn, but in addition to earning his own tuition and living expenses for several years of schooling, he had to strive to earn the tuition for his younger brother who was in middle school.For this reason, she often works as three or four tutors at the same time. From Monday to Sunday, there is no day when she is not busy.And she usually doesn't even eat food that costs two yuan, let alone go to the prosperous department stores like Xidan and Wangfujing. The only thing B wants is to get as many tutors as possible, preferably ones that don't require a lot of effort and make a lot of money.There are a lot of rich and powerful people in Beijing. If you are lucky, you can earn several times more money than others without much effort.She is short of money, and her younger brother is also waiting for money to study.

Finally, one day, her luck came: the parents of a third-grade elementary school student asked her to be a tutor. The girl's mother worked in a foreign company, and the boy was a well-known lawyer in Beijing, surnamed Peng.After negotiation, B will teach every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights, and the host, Mr. Peng, will be responsible for picking up and dropping off B. The tutoring salary is 25 yuan per hour. "From now on, you will be a member of our family. I like to be straightforward, so you don't have to be polite. Come to my house for dinner every time you come to teach. Ah, we've made a deal." The hostess was really straightforward.What surprised B even more was the man of the famous lawyer, who was also very generous, and gave her a wad of money on the way back to school for the first time: "The 700 yuan is your lecture fee for this month, take it first. You girls always have more places to use your money." Look, who said that rich people are uneducated nowadays?Look at other barristers, who speak decently and properly.What moved B even more was that the little girl's mother treated her like her own sister. Once the hostess was away on a business trip, the hostess dragged B to sleep in the same bed with her.That night, the hostess talked with B intimately for most of the night, making B who was far away from his relatives feel a kind of warmth that was better than that of relatives.

The hostess is an unusual role in the company and often has to travel.In addition to being responsible for picking up and dropping off B, the male host also took on the housework of cooking.Every time he picks up a hot meal, B is always a little flattered: "Brother, don't do it next time, it's not too late after I eat at school." "No, you girls are growing up, try your best Eat better." The master's brotherly care made B deeply grateful, because B had never enjoyed such care. Another homeschool day. After B arrived at the child's house, he found out that the hostess was on a business trip again, and the barrister continued to cook for her seriously. After the class was over, he asked B to wait upstairs for him to start the car before leaving: "It's raining outside. Rain, you'll get drenched when you go out." Just this slight care made B feel warm inside.After a while, he came up and said helplessly, "The car is broken. Why don't you stay at our house tonight, the child's mother is not at home, so you can sleep with our daughter, how about it?" B wanted to say no. , but when she saw that the male host was so sincere and earnest, the words on her lips no longer had the power to speak out.

There is no need to elaborate on what happened that night. At around 12 o'clock, what B had worried about finally happened.The barrister, contrary to his usual sanctimonious appearance, appeared from the darkness like a beggar, and suddenly knelt down in front of B: "Dear B, I have truly loved you for more than a day or two, I, I am about to die Crazy in love, please..." As he spoke, he rushed towards him like a crazy beast. B is terrified and has no power to resist. "Please believe me——B, I will definitely make you happy and your family out of poverty. I have the ability to do it, really, as long as we are both good." He kept talking about the "moving" words, as if As if to familiarize yourself with those beautiful words that are never used in court. B feels paralyzed all over...

In the following days, B fell into deep pain.The hostess, who was kept in the dark, came back from a business trip and still called her "little sister" to come to class one by one, but B either said that she was sick or refused to answer the phone.Finally, in desperation, she chose to resign from the tutor.However, barrister Peng still came to the school to look for her as before, but she was no longer asked to go to her home to attend classes, but had other "content". After all, B is a student at school, and she is afraid of such a day.The more frightened she was, the more terrible things happened to her-she finally found out that she had a "situation" in her belly.

"Divorce, you must divorce, otherwise I will destroy your reputation..." B was a bit vicious, and this just showed her inner fragility.Of course he knew this as a lawyer, so he just used simple words to comfort him. B felt hopeless. She thought of the tragic scenes of her parents going out to borrow money for her college education, and the hopeful eyes of her younger siblings... Her blood vessels were expanding, violently, until the animal-faced lawyer appeared again. When she couldn't get any comfort, the fruit knife she had prepared long ago stabbed at the other party with all the resentment she had accumulated for a long time... So there was the scene of the siren sounding in front.

Four months and five days later, on October 10, 1997, just as I officially accepted the writing task of the League Central Committee for this work about poor college students, B was charged with intentional injury in court.When the siren sounded again, what took her was no longer the familiar campus, but a strange prison... B left, but the first feeling left to me was so heavy and depressing.At that time, I had a sigh: girls have too many difficulties! Isn't it? As the interview went on, my feeling became stronger and stronger. When I went to a city in the south for an interview, the daily schedule couldn't be more tight.It was the weekend, and the comrades of the Youth League Committee usually worked very hard. I said to the young man who accompanied me to the colleges and universities to interview, "give you a day off", but in fact, it would be better to say that I gave myself a day off.It seemed a little boring to watch the news broadcast alone in the room at night, so I went out of the guest house.It is close to the busy city, there is a movie theater next to it, and there are many young men and women in front of it.Going forward to see, the cinema is playing "Titanic", a Hollywood romance film, which has a taste.It looks like it's about to start.

At this time, a well-dressed girl walked towards me. "Go in, sir? This is a famous film that has won more than a dozen Oscars. It's very good," the girl said. I glanced at the girl and said lightly, "I've seen it in Beijing." "Oh, I'm sorry." The girl stepped aside. I still wandered aimlessly at the entrance of the cinema, hoping to relieve the exhaustion of several days of intense interviews by watching the beautiful night view of the city. "Sir, I really want to watch this movie, can you... take me in and watch it together." The girl approached me at some point, and there was a bit of anticipation in her eyes. "I'm a student..." Seeing that I was looking at her with vigilant eyes, the girl took out a certificate from the small bag on her shoulder.

That's right, it's from ×× University.This may be a poor female college student who wants to watch movies very much but has no pockets. I thought to myself that she has met her, and I will satisfy her for a while. "Go and buy tickets." I handed her a hundred-yuan bill and two "Great Unity" tickets.The girl was so happy that she quickly bought back two movie tickets. After entering, the movie has entered the memory of the old lady. "Sir, you have seen this film, what do you think?" In the darkness, the female college student sitting on the side asked softly.

"From a purely commercial point of view, it is definitely a super good film, but there are a few plots that are not considered a masterpiece from an artistic point of view." I dealt with it, and just looked at the charming sketch that appeared in the film. "For example..." Her voice seemed to be really looking for something to say. "For example, at the end, the scenes where the hero and heroine meet again, and the plot where the old woman throws the necklace into the sea are very poorly handled..." "God, it seems that I'm not the only one who has an opinion!" The female student exclaimed, and I was at a loss because everyone around turned their eyes from the screen to our side. I was a little annoyed: "So you've already seen this movie!" "I'm sorry sir, I, I have seen it, and more than once or twice..." This time she spoke very lightly. "It seems that you are a big movie fan." I said with a bit of sarcasm. "If you really don't want to watch it, can I go out with you?" "Forget it." I originally thought that tonight, intentionally or unintentionally, I helped a "poor student" fulfill his wish, but I didn't expect to be slandered by him. Why can't 120 yuan do it! Tonight's "Titanic" is even worse in my impression.After the show, I probably didn't look very good, so the female student stood in front of me like coaxing a child: "Sir, don't feel so uneconomical, this movie is really good, just watch it ten times Eight times is still rewarding. Here, all your money is still here." This time it was my turn to feel uncomfortable.Refreshing and refreshing, it is still the one hundred yuan ticket and the two "Great Unity". "Miss, you... really love watching movies that much?" I was a little at a loss as to what to do. "I like to watch it, but it's a regular extracurricular 'part-time job' for me," said the female college student. I didn't expect that the phenomenon of "female college students in some places watching movies with them" that I saw in the tabloids a few years ago really happened to me.When I revealed my identity, the girl readily agreed to my interview with her. "Actually, in colleges and universities in our city, it is not new for female students like me to use nights and holidays to go to movie theaters and video halls to 'watch with them'. I have been in college for four years, and I have been working as an "accompanying watcher" for four years. As far as I know, some female students have not given up this special occupation after they went to graduate school." "What exactly do you mean by 'special occupation'?" I was more and more attracted to this. "It is said that 'watching' movies and video programs is a special profession, because no one has ever done it before, but now it is used as a means of making a living among some of our female college students who are financially struggling." "how to say?" "You already know that in colleges and universities, quite a few students' families are not financially well-off and cannot afford us to study in college. What should we do? As children, we can't force our parents, who are already living inhuman lives, to hang themselves! So I had to think of all possible ways to earn money. "Accompaniment watching" as one of the countless ways to earn money from part-time jobs appeared naturally." "Can you introduce in detail the form and content of this 'accompanied viewing'?" "Of course." The female college student hoped to find a place for her to have a long talk with me. "OK. How about we go to the coffee shop across the way?" She smiled and agreed.After sitting down, she went on to say: "Let's start with myself. My family is similar to many poor children from poor families, but I belong to the new poor children in the city where my parents have been laid off. Going to college is not enough. It’s easy, but when you get to university, you have to pay high tuition and miscellaneous fees every year and pay monthly living and various other expenses. Parents have been laid off in state-owned enterprises for many years, and they can’t get wages long ago. They can make ends meet by doing small businesses. I also wanted to do everything possible to help me when I was in college, but I was always unable to do what I wanted. At the beginning, they said in their letters that they told me the situation with tears, but then they stopped writing. I don’t blame them, I know that instead of letting me Every time they write a letter, they have to confess to me or say those sad things, it is better for me to swallow this taste of poverty alone. One day I found that my pockets were empty, and the next day our class Several female classmates of mine have already agreed to celebrate her birthday at a classmate's friend's house. It is agreed that the four of us will each contribute 20 yuan to make up the auspicious number of 80 yuan, as a token of dedication to our classmates. I can’t change things, but when I touched my pocket, I suddenly became nervous—where did I get the 20 yuan? It’s not enough to withdraw all the food expenses on the meal card, let’s talk about the meal card The money on the Internet cannot be refunded casually. I felt very sulking that night, and I walked out of the school gate and wandered on the street alone. To tell you the truth, I was staring at the asphalt road at the time. I really hoped to see someone on the road. My wallet or something. I was walking, and suddenly someone grabbed me and asked me if I would like to watch a movie with him. I was so scared that I struggled to break free. It was a boy who was very similar to my age. Seeing that I was so terrified, he kept saying sorry. He said that a friend he had made an appointment with didn't come, so he had an extra ticket on hand, and it was boring to watch alone, so he wanted to invite me. For some reason, when I saw that When the boy looked at a loss, he agreed to him. When the boy heard this, his eyes lit up. The movie that night was the American movie "Speed". Although the movie was very lively, I was still thinking about how to attend Regarding my friend’s birthday the next day, I didn’t remember what was said in the film at all. Instead, the boy kept asking the actor Quirrell Reeves in other movies besides Speed, and suddenly After a while, I was shocked and asked how Hollywood could put nuclear weapons on the screen and a bunch of questions. In order to deal with it, I transferred the knowledge about art appreciation learned in school elective courses to this dude. I didn’t expect the movie At the end of the show, this guy repeatedly said thank you for giving him a high-level film art appreciation class tonight. Then he suddenly took out a 50 yuan note from his pocket and stuffed it into my hand, saying that the lady counts on you Tonight's "watching fee". I didn't even react at the time. When I understood what was going on, I never saw that boy again. I took the 50 yuan "watching fee" and spent the whole time. I didn’t fall asleep all night, thinking that this world is really weird, and I can make money watching movies with others! I’m so excited, because the most important thing is that I can send 20 yuan to my friends the next day like my classmatesBirthday present!Over the past two years in college, I think that time was the happiest day when a girl from a poor family could sit with other classmates on an equal footing and enjoy happiness.From then on, whenever I was free, I began to formally do a special part-time job of 'watching with' movie theaters and video halls..." "Are there really so many people with extra tickets like that boy you first met?" I couldn't believe it and meant something. "No." She must have heard my subtext, and replied, "Most people who are willing to pay you to buy tickets for you to watch movies and videos with him, and pay you at the end are those who are alone. Men who go to the theater, or men in groups. They invite you to watch movies and videos with him or with them, mostly for a sense of satisfaction." "Fulfill what?" "There are many varieties..." "for example?" "For example, most of the people who go to the cinema now are lovers, lovers and families together. He doesn't feel different when he has you as a woman by his side." "Another example?" "Another example is that some people are not very educated, and their understanding of the content and art of some foreign films is not up to standard, while our college students are as easy as tutoring children in several grades for these issues and knowledge." "Are there any other examples?" The female college student smiled: "I know what you mean. Of course there are, for example, some single men want to take the opportunity to meet girls again, or take advantage of something." "Haven't you ever met?" "I have met a lot." She said very frankly, "It can be said that nine out of ten are this kind of people." "What will they do to you? Can you tell me if you don't mind?" "It's nothing, because anyone who wants to know that we have done 'watching' will ask this question almost without exception." I noticed that her eyes were only fixed on the cold coffee cup at this time, "Generally speaking , These people always have a kind of evil intention. They often take advantage of special places in movie theaters or video halls to touch you. You are still arrogant and bold, looking at you, you will reach out your hand to you..." "How do you deal with this situation?" "It's not complicated, just push his hand away." "What if it can't be pushed?" "It's not that hard either. You can get up." "But won't you lose your wages?" "No. But we are college students, not 'escort girls'." "In a broad sense, they are both 'companions'. It is difficult for people to distinguish the difference between your companion and the kind of companions in some restaurants and karaoke bars-please don't take my words as disrespect for you. "I was busy explaining. "No. But I still want to tell you clearly: Although our "accompaniment" is the same word as the "accompaniment" in some karaoke bars and restaurants, its content and essence are different. We only accompany "watching" instead of Accompany others..." "Is there absolutely no or possible 'companion' in another kind of content and meaning? You also said that all the men who go to the movie theater or video hall with you are people who want to take advantage of women!" "It's not ruled out. Because as far as I know, there are not one or two female college students participating in the 'accompanied watching' in our city. I have also seen individual female students go from 'watching with them' at the beginning to 'eating with them' at the end. , "accompanying sleep"... even lost youth and studies. But that is definitely a very small number. Because most of us are college students from poor families, we know that nothing is as important as our own university studies. We can To endure hardships, we can endure temporary grievances or even humiliation, but we know that we must never ruin our future. Therefore, we can try our best to protect ourselves at any time, including sometimes difficult situations. Of course, there are often tears in this process And bitter things, or sometimes helpless things happen, but is it all to be blamed on us poor girls?" That night, I encountered two "accidents". One was that I accidentally met another special kind of "migrant worker" during my interviews with poor college students, and the other was that this female student broke up with me.She said that she became more and more emotional later, to the point where she could not control herself at all, so she got up and left me without waiting for me to pay the bill.The next morning she called the guest house where I was staying and apologized.She said that whenever someone asked her about the experience and process of "accompanying watching", she often "felt like crying".I didn't understand why she was "a little bit like crying" and she added two details to me over the phone.One is that she said that once because she refused the "employer"'s request other than "accompaniment", the rascal threatened to go to school to give her "bad food". In the end, she paid a full 500 yuan to settle the matter. this matter.She said that the 500 yuan was the first salary her father received after three years of layoff and re-finding a job, and it turned out to be all in vain for her. "Because of this, I stopped the 'accompanying watch' for a whole semester. But later I still couldn't solve the tuition and other expenses for going to school, so I had to go back to my old job." She said.The second detail is that she said that there are a group of regular friends among her "accompanying guests". Work hard.She said that these friends of hers usually work day and night at the construction site, and the only spiritual happiness is that she will accompany them to the cinema to watch a movie in a month or two. "I am willing to volunteer to explain to them what they don't understand or don't understand in the movie, and they often stand up to protect me when I encounter difficulties or troubles. Once a few hooligans bullied me, my These friends came to rescue them, but the police saw them as foreigners, and sent them back to their hometowns as "blind migrants", which ruined the jobs of several of my friends. Whenever I think of these things, I want to cry..." The caller Head, I can clearly hear the choking sound of its sobbing. I didn't put down the phone for a long time, and I said in my heart: Girl, if you want to cry, you can cry to your heart's content. In the process of my contact with many impoverished college students, female students are usually more closed to their experiences than male students. Due to the relationship between gender and personality, they generally seldom talk about their secret side to an outsider, and their self-esteem is also lower than that of male students. Boys are stronger, even if you are very, very caring with them, even their relatives and friends, you may not be able to clearly understand the whole truth about them.I remember who said something like this: "In a colorful life, women always have more happiness and beauty than men." Then I want to say that under the same poverty conditions, women have more bitterness than men with pathos. At noon on a scorching weekend, when I went to the Xisi Bookstore near my home, a police car jumped out of nowhere and yelled "Wow". However, the traffic at the Xisi intersection was extremely congested on this day, so the police car was at the intersection. Behind the long traffic flow, the siren was pressed hard, but the harsh and abnormal sound made ordinary passers-by not pay attention to it at all.The police car was not a vegetarian either, and would squeeze onto the bicycle sidewalk if it couldn't walk on the avenue. At this moment, there was an unexpected disturbance in the bicycle and crowd flows, and the already crowded streets began to lean towards the steps.At this moment, something related to my article happened: several bicycles crushed an old lady who was walking, and the old lady fell to a sign that said "tutor"... "Ouch Oh, my arm——!" The old lady yelled desperately, and when she was helped up by a girl, the traffic of police cars and bicycles had already passed the intersection.Suddenly, the old lady pointed to the "Tutor" sign made of wood: "Wh-whose is this sign? It broke my arm! My arm can't straighten up anymore, ouch..." Seeing her When someone came to help her, the old lady became even more anxious, "Help me find out who owns this brand, it hurts me! Whose brand is it?" No one agreed. "Yes, it's mine." The girl supporting the old lady said slowly. "What? It's you! No wonder you're so flattering and supporting me? Come on, you have to accompany me to the hospital!" The old lady couldn't help saying, dragging the girl to leave.But the girl refused to leave: "Auntie, I didn't bump into you, you fell towards me..." "What, I don't have presbyopia yet, why should I fall on your card? What are you doing? What are you doing with a card on the street? Without your card, my arm will be fine. What do you want to do? No way, if you don’t go to the hospital today, don’t even think about it Let's go!" The old lady spoke louder and louder, attracting a crowd of onlookers on the road.Those onlookers who had just arrived and hadn't seen the previous scene all spoke to the old lady, and the girl suddenly became frightened, and was so nervous that she couldn't even speak.Standing by the side, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stepped forward and said to the old man: "I saw it just now, if it weren't for the police car and so many bicycles beside the curb, your old man wouldn't have fallen on this wooden sign." Please, I can’t blame this student for this.” The old lady was taken aback for a moment, and then she stammered for a long time before she came back to her senses, and said angrily at me: “How do you know she is a student?” I smiled: “This is not written. Get a tutor!" The old lady was still unwilling to give up: "If you are a college student, you should be more moral, oh, you are all gone, what should I do if my arm is injured?" "Then can I go to the hospital with you? Behind my house..." Hearing what I said, the old lady muttered something and then asked me: "You live here?" I nodded. "Then you have to insure this student. If I go to the hospital tomorrow and find out something, you have to be responsible for treating me." "Okay, I promise." I wrote my home address and phone number to the old man , the old lady took the note and looked at me again, and said to the female student: "You have met a good person." After the old man left, I turned around and was about to enter the bookstore, when the girl cried at me: "Uncle, thank you." "Don't, it wasn't your fault." I saw the school badge on her chest: "Are you from Beijing Normal University?" I just thought of the Beijing Normal University interview, isn't this a good opportunity? "Your Beijing Normal University tutoring students are everywhere!" I had nothing to say.The female student said: "Yes. But there are too many people and it is not easy to find someone." "What grade are you in? You seem to be a freshman." The female student was a little embarrassed: "I am a sophomore." "Sophomore As usual, I am very experienced in finding a tutor, and I don’t have to squat on the street waiting for someone to come to you.” “But I have never been a tutor before, because I couldn’t speak a foreign language when I was a freshman, so I studied hard. Now I am a sophomore. I have to pay tuition fees, and my family can’t send money, so I want to find a tutor..." It seems that I read correctly, she is also a poor student. "I found that you girls are quite courageous. Putting up the sign of 'Tutor' on the street is really a thing." Maybe because I saved her just now, this female student probably didn't see me. Like a bad person, so she agreed to tell me about her job hunting experience on the street: …Nearly all the students in our Normal University engage in tutoring, and it is said that they charge the highest price among Beijing universities, usually 15 to 25 yuan per hour. Two or three thousand yuan is given, and ordinary colleges and universities also have one or two thousand yuan.I am not like some classmates who "get rich" through tutoring. My family is not well off, my parents have both been laid off, and the two of them get more than 400 yuan. I have a younger brother who is in middle school. It is impossible for my family to give me money.In the first school year, a relative lent me several thousand yuan. This school year, I don’t want to ask for it anymore. I still have to pay it back. When will my family be able to pay it back?So I also came out to try my luck.It is said that it is easy for students of Beijing Normal University to find a tutor, but I think it is also quite difficult.The school's "tutoring center" is queuing up, and I don't know when it will be my turn.My classmates said that it would be faster to "attract investment" directly on the street, so I followed suit.No, today is the second day, but in just two days, I feel like a century has passed.Yesterday was Saturday, so I went to Xinjiekou T-junction.I waited at the sentry box early to see if any parents came to find a tutor.After waiting for about two hours, I looked blankly at the streets with people coming and going, but I didn't know how to tell which parents of the children came to seek tutoring.I wanted to yell like the small vendors who set up stalls on both sides of the street, but I couldn't make a sound.What am I calling?People have the goods next to them, so passers-by can understand what they are doing without shouting.Should I also put a signboard on my back or chest, and write something like "I am a college student, anyone who wants to find a tutor, please come and negotiate", that would be shameless!When I was at a loss, I saw two boys on the opposite side of the road holding up a big sign that said "tutor". They attracted many parents to inquire and negotiate.I kept looking at them anxiously and helplessly, probably the "senior brothers" also saw me, so one of them walked towards me.He said that he came here to look for a tutoring job, and asked me which school I was in, and I said it was Beijing Normal University.He said that they belonged to a certain university near our Beijing Normal University, and said that no one knew what you were doing when you stood in the street like this, so why would someone come to you.At least you have to make a sign, like us.When I heard this, my face turned red, and I said that is not "selling myself"?The brother laughed and said that this is not called "betrayal" but "self-promotion".Or you can do it with us.Of course I am happy to hear that, being with them can strengthen my courage.But who would have thought that he put forward a condition that made me shrink back: "You have to introduce to those parents who are looking for tutors that we are also from your school. It has no other meaning, because people trust you in Beijing Normal University." I hesitated Well, I'm afraid that won't work.Fortunately, the senior brother didn't care about it, so he just let it go.He came back across the road and came back to me right away. "This is for you, hold it up high, or no one will know that you are a tutor." The boy stuffed a big "tutor" cardboard sign into my hand, turned and left.I am deeply grateful to him in my heart, but I just can't lift the card with both hands. I feel that the card seems to weigh a thousand catties.When I raised my eyes, I happened to meet the two boys on the opposite side. They gave me a smile and gave me a thumbs up, and I felt my face was burning hot... I just couldn’t lift my head, I only dared to look at my toes, I know how embarrassing it is for a person with his head down and a big card in his hand.When I glanced at the opposite side with the corner of my eye, I saw at a glance that the two senior brothers were waving vigorously to make me face up.Somehow, the more upward their gestures were, the more my head sank like it couldn't hold on.In the end, I was really like a deserter who felt ashamed. I dropped the sign and went to a deserted alley. I found two lines of tears streaming down my face... This was yesterday.When I went back to school at night, I was embarrassed to tell my sisters in the same dormitory, but I only answered that I didn't find a suitable tutor.A female classmate said that you are standing in the wrong place. Xinjiekou is too close to our school. On the one hand, there are many students there, and some parents from that area come directly to our school to find tutors, so I suggest that I go to Xinjiekou. A little farther away.No, today I ran to your Xisi.Who would have thought that the unlucky thing happened just now, if you didn't know... When the girl said this, tears welled up in her eyes again, and her voice began to choke. "Yes, tomorrow, when I go to your school for an interview, I will talk to the teachers of the Department of Education and Engineering, and arrange a suitable tutor for you first." I comforted her. "Uncle, please hold your hand high. I don't want the teacher and classmates to know how stupid I am. I, I still want to find it myself..." Her face was flushed again. "I wish you success." I tried not to look back after I left her, knowing that the girl was embarrassed to see any acquaintances watching her holding a sign on the street.But I still saw her pitiful look cowering under the sign with my heart... Alas, for some reason I feel like the wheels of my bike are suddenly sinking. A few days later, I went to Beijing Normal University for an interview. When I talked about this unknown female student with the school teachers, they said that there were too many such things in their place. Once a female student found a job with great difficulty. The tutor did not dare to go to the employer's house alone, and later had to quit.The teachers said that if you want materials in this area, they can put them in baskets for you. However, I have never dared to mention whether the girl at the beginning of this chapter who was imprisoned because of her tutoring is from their school. I only talked about a girl from a college in Liaoning who went out to tutor her for more than a year. .The teachers of Beijing Normal University also became very unnatural after hearing this. It turned out that similar things had happened to them.They had a girl who had an ambiguous relationship with the male master in the tutoring. After the female master found out, she came to the school and made a big fuss. In the end, the school had to order the girl to drop out of school. "There are all kinds of people in society now. To be honest, it's really hard for us girls who want to earn money." A teacher in charge of work-study programs said with a long sigh. But no, this is reality. 某校一个女生在我保证不把她的名字“公布于众”的前提下，给我讲述了她在两年多做家教过程中所经历的“想哭也哭不出”的另一幕经历： ……我是学理科的，在学校的课堂我不敢说门门都能考个满分，但优秀则是绝对的。可我就是不会处事，尤其不会与城里人打交道。我第一个家教对象是个三年级的小男孩，特顽皮，你给他苦口婆心把舌头讲烂了，满怀期望地问他一声：“听懂了没有？”小家伙像刚睡醒似的反问你：“什么什么，你刚才说什么？”两个小时的课下来，你觉得自己过去念十几年的书也没费那么大的劲，可小家伙却伸伸懒腰冒出一句：“等于没学。”不把你气死也会使你像全身散了架似的彻底失去信心。可气的是这个城里独生子还有许多坏毛病，便是贪吃，而且外加好说谎。我每次一到他家给他上课，他的父母便出门或上街干其他什么事去了。我的这个“学生”对知识从来像是不愿装进脑子似的，但对一切食物却从不拒绝，所以十来岁年纪其胳膊则比我粗出几圈。大概平时他父母对他特别节食，好东西总要东藏西放，生怕宝贝儿子长成超人。小家伙到了我给他上课时不是赖着想睡觉，就是精神格外兴奋，因为此时此刻的两个来小时中，他可以在不受父母监管下放开肚量东偷西摸地把一包包巧克力、奶油蛋糕拿出来饱餐一顿，然后等听到父母上楼开门声响时赶紧一擦嘴，趴在桌上假装看书。终有一天当爹当妈的发现放置的食品没有了，问儿子看见了没有。这时儿子装得特别理直气壮地回答说没有，绝对没有看见也绝对没有吃。于是这时的我就会发现那两个大人的目光就不由自主地移向我。而我这个人天生易脸红，平常一件与我根本无关的事，只要有人有意无意朝我瞧一眼，我就会不由自主地红起脸。在人家家里我的这个毛病就犯得更厉害了。每次碰到这种时候我都想向这个小男孩的家长申明，可越想申明自己的脸就涨得越红，越红脸我就越说不出话。一件与我无关的事竟似乎变成了完全是我的责任似的。有几次我像一个小偷似的在别人咄咄逼人的目光下，“逃”出他的家门。情况发生后，第二次上课时，在我和小男孩俩人时我曾警告他：你必须承认自己的行为，必须向父母说明东西是你偷吃的，而且与我无关……你知道那小家伙说什么？他听后哈哈大笑，说怎么无关？我是你的学生呀！这个小兔崽子！我心里气得直骂，可就是没办法治他，便恐吓他说你再不老实我就告诉你父母。小家伙根本不怕，反倒威胁我道：走着瞧，看谁治谁。我后来发现城里的小孩念书不一定行，但心眼就是比我们农村的小孩多，就连我这样的大学生都不是他们的对手。事情是在这之后的一次家教时发生的。那天我的“学生”父母依旧在我给他们的儿子上课时便出了家门，而只会吃不会学的小公子就开始像不知饱受了多少天饿似的翻箱倒柜起来，真是见什么吃什么。有了上几回的教训后，这次我想先来个“阻击战”——不让小家伙偷吃得逞，于是便与他“穷追猛打”一通，硬从饿狼口中夺食……我不知那两个小时是怎么过来的，当我上气不接下气地累得瘫在椅子上时，门外楼道的脚步声又响起来了。正在兴冲冲啃着芒果的小家伙说了一声“不好”，便连跳带滚地从里屋奔到外屋，装出又在上课的样。就在他父母开门的一瞬间，这个小兔崽子顺手把一只吃了半截的芒果往我嘴里猛一塞……在我还根本没弄清是怎么回事时，他的父母凶神恶煞似的站在了我面前。“我、我……”这时嘴里含着半截芒果的我极力想说明真相，却由于紧张而变得更加语无伦次，脸也比以往涨得更红。“好啊，说了半天，原来是这么回事！难怪这段时间我们家里有什么好吃的转眼就没了，敢情是养了一只大耗子！”只听那个当母亲的女人尖着嗓门一边叫着一边瞪着两眼像要吞下我似的，她身边的男人也帮腔朝我怒吼起来。无所适从的我尽管当时想努力辩解，可就是说不出一句话，只有眼眶里的眼泪决堤而出……那天我不知自己是怎样从这个小男孩家走出来的，我只记得我回到学校时已经很晚很晚了。见我回到宿舍伏在铺上便嚎啕大哭，同宿舍的同学以为我出了什么事，赶紧过来安慰和询问，她们越问我就哭得越伤心，吓得大家不知怎么办。那次，我整整在床上躺了三天，也从此再没到那顽皮的男孩家去上课了。 可是对没有任何其他经济来源的我们这些穷学生来说，不去谋一份家教什么的你又怎么想完成四年的大学学业呢？之后没多久，我又重新在别人的介绍下找了一个家教差事。这家的小孩是个女孩，我能成为她的家教老师也是因为我重新找家教时所提出的特别条件——必须是女孩我才去，小男孩我坚决不教。可小女孩也并不就没问题呀！事情偏偏还都给我碰上了。 这个小女孩是个初一生，学习还是很认真的，但由于父母对她的期望值太高，反而使得这位小妹妹学习的效果失之正常。这个女孩的家长是一对苦知青，回城后在同一工厂工作，都没有上过大学，他们因此对孩子的要求格外严格，是想把当年他们没有实现的大学梦寄予女儿身上。我看他们也很不容易，吃的穿的都很简朴，但却把女儿的学习安排得不能再满。双休日两天，有半天是我给上的数学家教，另半天是另一位没谋过面的大学生上的英语家教，还有半天是家长自己带着孩子上外面的音乐辅导班，留下的半天是女孩子自己做作业，总之我觉得这小妹妹很可怜。小小年纪戴了副眼镜，说话办事都像一部已经被输入程序的电脑。很少看到她脸上的笑容，很少听到她说出一句属于孩童那种年龄的话语。你说学，她就打开书本；你说做作业，她就拿起笔……然后我发现她缺乏一般孩子的那种基本灵气，不知为什么，我觉得这孩子的智慧之门虽然开着却没有那种吸纳的旋流与热情，相反冷漠的成分却很多。父母对她的要求越多越高，女孩的这种冷漠就越严重。我曾经对女孩的家长专门谈过这件事，但他们并不理会我，说要让小孩出成绩就得不断加压，尤其是女孩。尽管我无法同意这种观点，但当他们反问我你考上大学除了发愤苦读外，还有什么其他窍门？我想想确实除了苦学什么窍门都没有啊，而且我上初中高中时哪有城里孩子这样条件，想要什么父母就都给你准备好了，就是你还没有想到的也都为你准备齐了。城里的孩子与我们农村的穷苦家庭的孩子相比可谓是天壤之别，想想这些，再看看我的“学生”的学习与生活条件，我真的觉得她父母的话似乎也很有道理。可怜的小妹妹，学吧，谁让我们都是家长们的“希望”呢！我父母为了让我能实现“跳出农门、光宗耀祖”的希望，可以撕破脸皮跪在别人面前磕头为我借上大学的学费。相比之下，我又觉得我教的这位小妹妹要幸福得多。来吧，为了父母们的共同希望，我们努力学习，发愤学习，拼命学习，直到用尽我们最后的一点力气…… 又是一个星期天，早晨起来我觉得头昏脑涨，因为我们女孩子每月总有一次那件“倒霉”事，而一到这时我浑身不对劲，加上学校又要考试，所以那一日我特别打不起精神。想给我家教的家长打个电话，又一想我的饭卡上已快出现“赤字”，便咬咬牙上了路。我好不容易换了一趟又一趟车，又一步一步登上六层楼，当我费力推开门时，迎接我的竟是两张恨不得要吃掉我的脸。“你上次都给她说了些什么，啊？快说！”女孩的家长一把将我扯到几尺远的墙边，一边吼着，一边问，连唾沫星子都喷到了我的脸上。我不知是怎么回事。“你说怎么回事？她出走了！”我一听也着急起来：“为什么呀？”孩子的母亲哭泣着向我叙述道，说今天一早起来后，他们让女儿准备等家教老师来了上课。谁知从来大人说什么就做什么的“小孽种”今天不知哪来一股邪劲，说我不能把“最后的一点力气”再用在读死书上，我要把“最后的一点力气”用在像别的同学那样痛痛快快玩一回上，说完她打开门就走了。“你说说她这个小东西哪学来的这些邪气？谁教她啥'最后的一点力气'屁话？啊？你说说这是怎么回事？”我的心一下紧缩起来，这孩子怎么这样理解我的那句话呢！看看像丢了魂似的孩子父母那无所适从的样子，我说当务之急把孩子找回来才是。这会儿他们手忙脚乱开始又是给派出所、亲戚和孩子的学校、同学打电话，又寻思着孩子可能去哪些地方。我说分头找吧。孩子父母到那些没有电话的亲戚、老师家找，我便负责到那些小孩们常去的公共场所找。我找啊找，跑了一个公园再走另一个公园，走完一个游乐场再跑另一家影院……直到夜幕降临，再也不能在大街上看清什么时，我不得不拖着一双发麻的脚往回走，有几次差点被身边飞驰而过的车子剐倒。等我好不容易爬上那女孩家的楼梯，想叩开门看看我的学生有没有回家时，只听里面一男一女像发了疯似的在怒吼着：“……噢，你以为我们辛辛苦苦供你上学容易吗？你知道为了给你请家教，我和你妈连结婚时买的上海牌手表都给卖掉了！”“你真是越活越不知天高地厚！我跟你爸都下岗了，每一次给你付家教的钱你知道怎么来的吗？都是我们半夜上人家饭馆澡堂洗碗拖地挣来的苦命钱哪！你这没脑子的，不好好学习也就罢了，还竟敢独自梗着脖子往外跑。好你个没良心的，从今天起，家教也不给你请了，你就天天跟着我们去打工吧。呜呜呜……”后来是不停的哭闹声和乒乒乓乓的摔打声。我知道我再不能进去了，我也没有力气再去叩开这位小妹妹家的门了，自然也不可能要回我已经教了一个月的家教费。我只记得在下楼后的回校路上，我一搭上那辆公交汽车就睡着了，直到乘务员硬将我推醒时我才发现自己竟到了这一路车的总站。当时我全身没一点力气，我求公交乘务员说能不能让我在车里睡一晚。可人家说像你这样的“上访人员”应该到派出所去报到。我一听这，心里好一阵凄凉，瞧人家都把咱当成上访的了。我再看看自己那连走路都歪歪扭扭的样，可不像个上访者么！ 夜，下着细雨，寒风吹得浑身打颤，孤独的我站在雨中的街心，欲哭而不能，因为我知道在这座城市还有我三年的学业，我也知道在这之后的三年中，我依然天天要面对由于生活贫困而生发出的许多许多根本料想不到的事来。 ... 这位女大学生其实是位很富于幻想色彩的女孩，而生活与学业迫使其暂时将丰富、浪漫的内心世界退至遥远的一边，替代的是本不该有的冷峻与过多的刚毅。 在一个暑假里，另一所大学的十名女大学生一起来到同一家酒店打工，四天后，她们却突然集体辞职……那是一次为钱而去的冒险闯荡，但当女生们回来时却得到了沉甸甸的“无价之宝”。为这，化名李军的“我”写下了一篇荡气回肠的檄文—— 校园里贴满了招聘暑假工的广告。我和阿惠决定假期不回家，打一个月工赚些钱好交下学期的学费。金山大酒店的广告非常诱人，要招收相貌端正的女大学生做服务员，早晚两班，每班4小时，一班12元，管一顿午餐，小费归己。所以连我和阿惠在内，它一共招了十名女大学生。 酒店内部用日式拉门隔成一个个单间雅室。第一天去上班，换上酒红色的统一服装，扎上雪白的小围裙后，老板和老板娘联合向我们训话。老板矮胖精明，一副很诚恳的表情：“我知道你们几个家里都很困难，我们决不想从你们身上捞什么，只是体谅你们读书不容易，想给大家一个勤工俭学的机会。”老板娘挎一个鼓鼓囊囊的腰包，妆化得可以立即上台演出，她第二个训话：“但出来打工就得按规矩来。第一，上班时必须化妆，脸上得时刻带笑，谁砸了客人的兴致我就砸谁的饭碗；第二，你们几个人先试用十天，每天按10元工钱，干得好接着按15元钱算，出岔子的就请走人。”我们十人站成一排，谁都避免抬头直视她那黑黑的熊猫眼，同时也试图逃过她那如刀似箭的唾沫星子。“第三条嘛，你们可是我高价请的，所以得戴上校徽来上班。”十人中起了点小骚动，我不安地偷视左右，几个同学的神色都很困惑。“对不起，我想第三条不合适。”一个清亮的声音突然响起。老板娘的眼睛眯了起来：“谁说的？”我左边一个苗条的女孩子站了出来，我知道她是与我同校的法律系大三学生，一向以口才著称。“打工是我们个人的事，与我们的学校无关。我认为您这个要求对我们学校的名誉、对我们自己的尊严，或者对您和老板的愿望出发点都是不合适的。”我觉得空气骤然变得紧张了，只见老板扯了一下脸涨得通红的老板娘，笑眯眯地打圆场：“好，不愧是大学生，想得周到。戴什么校徽呀，怪麻烦的。好了，干活吧！” 从早上10点干到午后2点，我们早班五个人和晚班五个人一起坐下吃饭，大圆桌上只搁了一大盆土豆炖茄子。有一个女孩子吃完后又去添了一勺，老板娘狠狠地盯视着她一口一口往下咽。结果我们剩下的九个人不论饥饱都只吃了一碗饭。 第二天吃饭时，只剩下了九个人。晚班的一个女孩偷偷地告诉我，昨天那位师姐被老板娘撞了一下，结果打了一只碗，被扔给10元钱后“炒鱿鱼”了。我的心一沉，这工看来不是那么容易打的。 饭店门口竖起了一块醒目的大牌子，上面写着：“本店由女大学生为您服务。”后面一连三个夸张的惊叹号。饭店前的车马上多了起来，我们几个忙得头晕腿软，老板和老板娘却乐得合不拢嘴。 我和阿惠负责7号、8号两个单间。我刚给客人上菜单，就看见阿惠含着眼泪，踉踉跄跄地跑过来。我抓住她急切地问：“怎么啦？”她抖着嘴唇，羞恼地说：“他们欺负人！”我放开她，快步到8号间门口，一阵哄笑正刺耳地传出来。“到底是学生，摸一下就吓成那个样子。”“哈哈，大学生有什么了不起？只要老子有钱，她就得来侍候我这个小学生！”“哈哈……”我想冲进去，想叫想骂，但脚却像钉在那儿……我只能使劲地攥住拳头，指甲深深地扎进手掌，有种钻心的痛。 有天吃午饭时，我发现又少了一个人，是我们中间最漂亮的那个女孩。她一直站在门口当迎宾小姐，昨天一群韩国人来吃饭，出门时借着酒兴动手动脚，被她毫不客气地甩了一巴掌，所以她也不见了。这天的菜是土豆炖豆角，老板娘不再担心我们多吃了，因为大家看上去都食欲不振。老板娘正在品评那位被解雇的“假清高”小姐：“来干活不就是为了赚钱吗？当服务员还摆什么臭架子！没让你们三陪吧？摸摸能少块肉还是怎么的？”有人第一个放下筷子，我们也就默默地起身，却被一向“和蔼可亲”的老板叫住了：“先别走。有件事想和大家商量一下。昨天店里生意不错，客人们都夸你们气质好。我准备在此基础上再搞点小创新……啊，一点小改革。”他看上去犹豫了一下，看看我们这八个温文尔雅的女学生终于说，“你们也都看到了，咱们这儿的装修带点日本风格，所以我想从明天起，让大家实行日本的'跪式服务'，创出我们自己的服务特色，怎么样？” 我内心深处有种怒意腾然升起，开口时声调冷得让自己都直发抖：“那外面的招牌是不是也要改为'本店由女大学生为您跪式服务'呢？”老板的笑脸慢慢消失了。“这只是服务方式上的改动而已，有什么了不起？你昨天不是得了50元小费吗？跪式服务后100元钱赚得好轻松嘛！”愤怒之火已经在我全身燃起，我深吸了一口气，强令自己挺直脊梁，正视他的眼睛：“如果你们利用某些人以金钱奴役知识的渴望来赚钱，那是你们的事。我们并不介意为赚了大钱的小学生服务，这是用我们的劳动正当赚钱，绝无羞耻之处。但这是中国，不是在日本，所以我们不会跪下。让我们所代表的知识跪倒在你和另一些人所崇拜的金钱面前，我们更是跪不起！否则跪倒的不仅仅是我们的人格与尊严。”老板娘在一旁终于得到了机会，声嘶力竭地喊起来：“你听听，你听听，我就知道她是碴子，非挑事不可！”我冷冷地看着她，另外七个人的目光和我一样冷峻，站得同我一样直。我知道我并不只是代表自己说话。老板、老板娘也自然知道这一点。 第四天，我仍去上班，很本分地工作。他们没直截了当地叫我“开路”，只是沉着脸，不停地挑三拣四。我努力不出一点差错，甚至当老板娘故技重演来撞我时，我也身手敏捷地让过，没让手里的大盘小碟有一个落在地上，还能对着同学紧张的目光安抚地笑笑。 就要交班时，一张七人桌该结账了。这些人看来是熟客，老板送了一个菜，还和他们干了一杯，老板娘更是眉目传情的不在话下。可结账时两个人却都失去了踪影。最老实的丽负责这桌，她微笑着报出：“330，先生。”为首的那个大块头潇洒地一挥手：“老规矩，挂账。”起身就走。丽不知怎么处理这局面，急得直喊：“先生，不行的，您跟老板自己说行吗？”大块头“嘿嘿”两声：“他敢说不行，你让他自己去找我那儿拿钱。”顺手在丽脸上摸了一把，吓得她直往后退，差点儿没坐在地上，而他们却扬长而去。 我们冲上去扶住丽，身后却突然炸起一声“霹雳”：“谁让你们挂账的？这桌的钱你们赔！”是老板娘，她的眼神尖刻得像能割下肉来。老板不吭声地站在她身后，眼皮耷拉着。丽忙分辩：“不是的，你们看到了，我要钱了，他说和您认识，总挂账的。”“谁和他们认识？都像你这么干，我们喝西北风去呀！”我忍不住了，转向老板厉声道：“这不公平！你该知道他们是什么人，这事不能怪阿丽！”“啊哈……”老板的眼皮一下抬了起来，那老板娘也跟着兴奋道：“真有人打抱不平啊！要你们跪，你们长篇大套地说什么尊严，转过身就'坑'我们，让我们赔老本！好，我们庙小养不了大菩萨，你请吧！至于阿丽，拿出330元现在就走，拿不出就给我干活去！什么公平不公平，反了！”看着他们暴跳如雷的样子，我突然觉得滑稽极了，有种想大笑的冲动。事实上我确实笑着摘下小围裙，轻轻地放在桌上：“你们不值得我和你们讲什么道理。四天40元钱划给阿丽，算赔你们的。”我骄傲地抬起头，迈着坚定而沉稳的步子向大门走去。“等等。”是阿惠的声音。我转过身，她正把围裙放在桌上：“我的40元也划给阿丽，我也不干了！”“我也不干了……”另外六个也同声响应。当懦弱的阿丽向我们走来时，她看上去是那么勇敢、坚强。“我们八个人，四个人干满四天，是160元；四个人干满三天，120元，合起来是280元。”我的话音还未落，阿惠把50元钱塞到我手里，我感激地向她点点头，毫不犹豫地将钱扔在地上，“加上这50元小费，330元，两不相欠！”老板的脸色难看极了，努力地想挤出一丝苦笑：“这是怎么说的呢？有事好好商量，你们一走我们怎么办？”“您和老板娘可以亲自上阵，实行跪式服务！” 门外的天蓝得让人神清气爽。我们八个人一起站在街道上，眼里都闪着泪光，但突然都想开怀大笑，一吐那心中久积的恶气浊气痛痛快快地长笑…… 假期还没有完，我们仍然会去打工，因为我们需要钱。但有一点我们却一定会永远坚守，那就是：我们绝不出卖自己的人格与尊严！ ... 听听，这便是中国女大学生的声音。 她们还要去打工，因为她们需要钱。但她们却不因为贫困而让人左右做人的尊严，掌握她们命运的是知识和知识铸冶的理念。