Chapter 62 Appendix The loss of people's hearts is more serious than the harm of disasters

"Southern Metropolis Daily": Let me talk about your feelings when you go home this time. Li Ximin: This is my second visit to Changting after the earthquake.When I came back from the Spring Festival, the car arrived in Changting. I was very excited. After a catastrophe, I returned to the place where I was born and raised me. The feelings were very complicated. When I saw my family, I was also very excited. The feelings at that time cannot be expressed in words. from.I remember, when I was rescued, I spoke to my mother for the first time, and she was crying on the other end, so I comforted her and said it was all right.I know that they have endured too much psychological pain, and it is extremely heavy.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": Your friend said that Li Ximin not only changed his personality, but also his drinking habits. Li Ximin: I think my main change is my mentality.I used to be a person with a bad temper. I would say things that I didn't like very angrily, and I was more emotional. I have a bad temper since I was a child, and I am a person who gets angry easily.After this earthquake, my temperament has become much calmer, and I will no longer get angry because of some things.However, one thing that has not changed is that I am still a straightforward person, and I can say what I have, but I will not be as extreme as before.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": In the film, I saw a grateful Li Ximin. When recalling personnel, your emotions are actually extremely delicate. Li Ximin: When I was buried in the ground, everything actually changed. My views on many things suddenly changed.My memories are all real, like saying goodbye. At that time, I was saying goodbye to this world, and those thoughts were my "last words".Maybe when a person is on the verge of death, the examination of everything in the past will become warmer. Of course, I also have sadness and pain. When I was trapped in the bottom, I was also very angry and wronged.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": Why did you write it? Don't you want to forget this painful memory? Li Ximin: When I was rescued, every bit of what was inside was turned over and over in my mind. I wanted to record it. This was my first thought.I think this is a valuable experience for me, and after a long time, I may forget it.Many people think that after things settle down, they can be written better, but it is not true. If the time is too long, some distorted things will come out.Immediately, I want to record this experience in its original form.This is different from the novels I wrote in the past. Writing novels can be fictional and imaginary, but the thoughts and thoughts in it are all real texts that I want to preserve, and I want to witness this disaster.When I was rescued, there was only one laptop left, and I typed out these words with one finger.

Southern Metropolis Daily: When did you start writing? Li Ximin: I started writing at the end of May. Before that, I was invited by Li Shaojun to write an article of 5,000 to 6,000 words for "The End of the World".In fact, when I was still in the hospital, I started to do some simple sketches, such as what problems I thought about at a certain stage, and I slowly recalled them.After I was discharged from the hospital, a comrade in arms provided me with a quiet place to live in the Forest Hotel in Sheshan, Shanghai. I spent a month and a half there and finished writing this book.When I was writing this book, my health was not very good, and my hands were still numb. I typed with one finger, and the progress was very slow. According to my previous speed, a novel of 200,000 to 300,000 words could be completed in a month or two. After finishing writing, however, it is difficult for me to get up quickly this time.When I was writing, some things would torture me. When I recalled some experiences, it was scary. When I was writing, I recalled that experience exactly. Fearing the repeated process, I kept persuading myself to write it down.

In many cases, you have to grit your teeth and persist in the past, just like an earthquake, you are buried under the ground, you can give up, then you will die, but if you grit your teeth and persist, you may have a chance to survive possible.The same is true for writing, often when you are in the most difficult time, there will be such a stage, that is, writing is very discouraged, you feel that you can’t break through, and you are a person who insists on yourself and is a good writer. Sometimes you will Very confused, I feel that I have reached the end of my writing, and I have no strength to write it down. At this time, if you take one more step, you may be fine. Life is also a truth, constantly going from hope to despair, and then from despair to hope.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": When you can't write, how do you resolve your emotions? Li Ximin: I will call my wife and some friends, chat with them, and sometimes go for a walk in the bamboo forest outside the hotel to calm myself down. "Southern Metropolis Daily": In comparison, what is the difference between this writing and the past? Li Ximin: It's a completely different experience. I have never faced my past as completely as this time. Although I used to talk about some people and things occasionally, they were all fragments. This time I recalled my whole life again. This kind of memory is very useful for me to live now. I know what to hold on to, what to give up, and what is really the most important thing.

When I was trapped below, I also had a big blank. In the first three hours, I really couldn't remember anything. My mind was blank, full of fear, confusion, and helplessness.It was after dark that I began to think of something. I felt that I might not be able to get out. The people who rescued me had all left. I was very desperate.It was at this time that I began to recall the past bit by bit, using memories to fill the fear I had at that time.I can't do anything, all I can do is imagine, think about some past events. Southern Metropolis Daily: Is your memory good? Li Ximin: I have a very good memory. Things from my childhood are still vivid in my mind.But I also know that if the time interval is too long, I will only remember the fragments instead of the whole, so when I was in the hospital, I was very eager to write this experience. Opinions will also be different, biased, and distorted.Many memoirs nowadays, I think there will be distortions. They either exaggerate something too much, or avoid something. I want to record the most real things as they are. I think this is the only way to avoid this disaster. There are benefits to witnessing this life experience.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": Do you think this experience is of great significance to a writer, a writing resource that is difficult for others to have, and a fortune? Li Ximin: I really haven't thought about this.Someone told me, this is your wealth, but I really haven't thought of it yet.I see it as my wound, as my burden, as my nightmare, that lingers.For example, when I talk to you today, I will dream at night, and I feel that I am buried in it again.This period of writing is also a very painful process, just like going through an earthquake again. When I write some chapters, I will be very sad and unable to continue writing, but I tell myself that I must finish writing it. Instead, after finishing writing, There are fewer nightmares, and maybe through it, I let my fear out.

"Southern Metropolis Daily": This result seems to be beyond your expectations? Li Ximin: Yes, I didn't expect to heal my pain through writing.I just don't think I can throw this experience away, even if it is a wound, I have to keep it.Maybe subconsciously, I still regard it as my property. I also think that when any big event happens, someone must witness it and record it. I want to catch these, and I want to tell others that things are like this , not like that. "Southern Metropolis Daily": It seems that your pain has not been healed. I heard that you are still afraid of staying in the house alone?

Li Ximin: It was like this for a while. I used to think that the city was too crowded and annoying, so I tried not to go to crowded places. However, when I was trapped below for three days, I wanted so much to be among the crowd.After I come out, I always hope that my loved ones will not leave me, just beside me, so I will feel very comfortable.When I wake up, I can see someone next to me when I open my eyes, and a stone in my heart will be put down. Otherwise, it will be very painful and frightening. I will worry that the world will be destroyed at any time, and maybe Shanghai will suddenly die. Every now and then there would be an earthquake and the ceiling would come down and hit me again. I was discharged from the hospital at the end of May and stayed at home for a few days. Because I was still injured at the time, I couldn't take care of the child, so the child was raised at the mother-in-law's house.During the day when my wife was at work and I was home alone, I would panic and try to get out the door.Standing on the side of the street and seeing people coming and going makes me feel safe and comfortable.When I am at home, I also turn up the volume of the TV to a very high volume. Although I sometimes do not watch TV, the sound makes me feel that there are people around me, and I feel very at ease.During that time, I was also extremely resistant to the information about the earthquake. I was very sad when I saw the pictures of the dead in the newspaper. Sometimes I deliberately avoided this information. Although it was a real record, I didn’t want to read it. Now, I'd rather all the newspapers were whitewashing. Southern Metropolis Daily: How long will this state last? Li Ximin: After finishing this book, I gradually got better. However, it is very difficult for me to recover. Until now, I dare not take the subway. The rumbling sound of the subway is like the sound I heard from the ground The sound, I shake in the subway, the body will be very uncomfortable. "Southern Metropolis Daily": After experiencing this incident, has your understanding of "terror" changed? Li Ximin: Before and after the earthquake, my understanding of human terror and disaster was actually the same, but this experience made my understanding deeper and more personal.I have always believed that human disasters and the ugliness in our hearts are terrible things, especially the unknown parts of the world. I have always been afraid.When these disasters happen, we have no foresight, and the fate is actually unpredictable. The things you cannot predict should be the most terrifying. "Southern Metropolis Daily": Let a person who is called "the king of terror" by many people experience 76 hours of horror. Some people say that this is really a dramatic experience. Li Ximin: I thought so too, it does have its drama, and it is also a coincidence.Why did I live well in Shanghai, and 20 days before the earthquake, I would contact my comrades who had been separated for more than 20 years, and then I went to Shifang, and stayed in that hotel, everything was full of coincidences, like a period legend.I can only regard it as a mission given to me by God, to let me experience the pain and fear in it. Southern Metropolis Daily: Do you believe in fate? Li Ximin: Of course.Fate actually dominates us in the dark, and no one can escape.In many cases, what you desire the most is the more you can't get it, no matter how hard you try, you can't get it.However, often something you didn't expect to get is delivered to you.This is all fate, it has no logic at all, you can't use logic to reason, especially disasters, you can't imagine when it will happen, whether it will fall in front of you, no matter how many plans you have today, you Your tomorrow may change all of a sudden. "Southern Metropolis Daily": What's interesting is that your memories in the book let many people know more about your secrets. For example, at the dinner table, someone recited a sentence from your book: "The sea breeze blows your skirt The more it blows, the shorter it gets, the sun drags our shadows longer and longer", and guess your personal affairs based on this, this should be unexpected to you, right? Li Ximin: I didn't think about it, and I didn't expect anything. I just wanted to write this experience truly, including the chapter that someone said later was like a thank-you letter. I didn't think about it. I just wanted to record this process.In this book, of course, I will have some things that I will definitely not write, and there will also be some things that I don’t want to tell others until now. It has nothing to do with honesty or dishonesty. Everyone has secrets. Those are the most secret parts of our respective hearts, and taking them out will hurt others.Of course, some speculations are just to add some jokes and liven up the atmosphere. People can’t talk about painful and sad things all the time. I believe it’s their kindness and want me to be happier. "Southern Metropolis Daily": After the earthquake, many people discussed the question of "what should a writer do in the face of a catastrophe?" What do you think of this? Li Ximin: If you can't write something very good, I suggest not to write it.If I hadn't experienced this disaster, I wouldn't have written it, not even a poem or a single word. I would have used my actions to help those affected by the disaster. "Southern Metropolis Daily": Why can't you write? Li Ximin: Words were impotent at that moment.If I don't know much about earthquakes, I'm not sure whether I can write shocking things.I also can't do the so-called reportage like some writers who do interviews for a few days and then come back.Some writers ran over there, who knows what they did there, and when they came back, they wrote hundreds of thousands of words of reportage. I am particularly disgusted by this.It is very dirty to choose something from the disaster and do something related to your own fame and fortune.If I were still a soldier, I would save people without hesitation, but I don't want others to write about how noble I am.As writers, we should care about the changes in people’s hearts. Those survivors in the disaster, those seventeen or eighteen-year-old soldiers, what kind of harm did they suffer in the face of the disaster and among the ruins, and how did they heal their wounded hearts? It is the most important and original thing, and only these are the most powerful. "Southern Metropolis Daily": In addition to organizing and recording your personal experience, you actually still have your anger and hatred in this disaster, is that right? Li Ximin: Of course there will be hatred.While we are in awe of nature, we also love and hate it. Nature gives us a beautiful environment, but it also threatens our lives all the time.It is also unrealistic not to hate this disaster.However, hate is useless, you have to fill yourself with many things to dissolve this hate.Hate is terrible, and it cuts you eventually.I'm trying not to hate it, to be at peace with myself. Regarding this earthquake disaster, there will also be many rumors, saying that there were warning signs before the earthquake. If this is true, those people should be cursed, and these people should be damned.But whether these are real or not, I don't know.However, I think this catastrophe should bring us enlightenment - why did we collapse so many school buildings?Why do so many children die?What are the officials in charge doing?Why do construction contractors make such ignorant money?This is a problem in our society. The loss of people's hearts is much more serious than the harm caused by disasters. We have discovered through earthquakes that our morality and conscience are slowly being lost. If all these things are lost, It should be a disaster for our entire nation.Through this natural disaster, we should reconsider our own problems. Inspirational book, beyond my expectation "Southern Metropolis Daily": May 12 is approaching, how do you think we should commemorate the dead? Li Ximin: If I had to choose, I would choose to worship these undead on Tomb-sweeping Day instead of May 12.There is nothing to commemorate the disaster, you can mourn the victims, but I would like to ask some hypocrites to leave, please don't use the name of the earthquake to perform there.In my opinion, the best mourning for the victims is how you do what we living people should do, such as how to do a good job in forecasting and disaster reduction. I even think that everyone is slowly paying attention to this disaster. Forgotten, how many people still care about the spiritual struggle of those victims?I am a relatively strong person, I can write books, I can realize my self-salvation in many ways, to heal myself, but many people can’t do this, after one or two years, his heart What if it crashes?These are all very possible things. "Southern Metropolis Daily": I heard it sold well? Li Ximin: This book was unexpectedly recognized by readers. I never thought about how well this book would sell, and I never thought about making a penny from this book.I just want to write this book so that everyone can see a process of being trapped and struggling in life. The meaning of its existence is that one person witnessed a disaster.The royalties I got on this book are 12%. I didn’t put a penny in my pocket, and I would donate it. My child, I will donate all the money left behind to those in need. "Southern Metropolis Daily": This is your income from writing, and you deserve it. Why don't you spend the money yourself? Li Ximin: It may be psychological troubles. I always feel that this money cannot be used by myself. I am not so noble. My life is bought by others risking their lives. I just used my pen to record some things. After writing this book, this book does not all belong to me. I don’t think I should spend it by myself. I should use it to help others. This is also a way of gratitude and return. "Southern Metropolis Daily": However, I noticed that you released more than a dozen new books at once after launching them. Some people say that you are suspected of being famous through earthquakes? Li Ximin: I need to make a clarification here.In fact, many books were planned to be published in the second half of 2007. At that time, the Press and Publication Administration investigated and dealt with "Death Note" and encountered difficulties in publishing "horror and supernatural" novels.After the earthquake, I just relaxed a bit and could publish.The horror novels I wrote were not ghost stories. What I wrote were all about the darkness of human nature in reality. The publishing house also felt that there was no problem, and it was published just after the earthquake.The second question is that the company I signed with went through a process of reorganization from the second half of 2007 to the second half of 2008, which also affected the advancement of publishing. It was originally planned to be launched in September 2007, because of these The twists and turns happened to be published after the earthquake.In fact, many of my books were signed in May 2007, and the manuscript was delivered in September of that year. It was a coincidence that it happened to coincide with the earthquake. "Southern Metropolis Daily": Some people say that you are hyping, do you feel angry about it?Would you consider this an insult to your writing ethics? Li Ximin: When I put this problem into the current environment of China, I would not find it strange at all. There are too many things that are created out of nothing. Things that did not exist can now be said to exist, not to mention doubts about me.Many people don't think about a person from the reality of life, including when saving me, some people scolded me, saying that death is fine, and a writer is nothing.In this case, I will not be surprised by all the different voices and voices of approval, because the current society in China is like this, people who have really experienced it will feel the same, and people who often doubt the authenticity of this book , People who have never experienced a catastrophe, people with a weak foundation in life, people who are selfish and self-righteous. "Southern Metropolis Daily": After you finished writing your book, you held signing events in several cities. What was the reader's feedback? Li Ximin: Many readers told me that my book brought them confidence in life.A reader told me personally that he failed in stock speculation and thought about committing suicide. Suddenly, he had a thought, thinking about why he committed suicide. He knew from the news that Li Ximin was able to survive such a difficult situation. Why did I I just can't make it through, and the loss of more than a hundred thousand yuan is nothing. I have received quite a few letters from readers, and many have written to this point, saying that my book has given them strength to live.A reader in Shanghai said, "After reading Li Ximin's book, I am more confident in facing the financial turmoil and materialistic society." Such an effect is something I never thought of, and it is very unexpected.I still remember a primary school student who read my book and wrote in his diary: "After reading this book by Li Ximin, I will ask my parents less for money, and I will be strong and learn to live independently." I didn't expect that it would become an inspirational book. Maybe everyone will have low ebbs and downs, and everyone needs encouragement.Disasters are ambushing around us all the time, not just earthquakes, I think the pain caused by any disaster is the same, and I am facing the same predicament as everyone else. "Southern Metropolis Daily": It is a documentary literary work. You once said that some stories encountered in the earthquake will be expressed in the form of novels. I don't know if there is any specific progress?What new books have been published recently? Li Ximin: Yes, I have finished writing a novel and it has been published in the third issue of "Writer" magazine. Shanghai Literature and Art Publishing House will publish this book at the end of April.This book tells such a story: He Guodian, a survivor of the Wenchuan Earthquake, came to Shanghai with his wife Du Moli. In this metropolis, he experienced various difficulties and tortures from the depths of his soul and real life, and walked towards self-salvation step by step. the road.I'm still thinking about how long it will take me to write a novel about disaster.The novel "Oxy", which was recently published by October Literature and Art Publishing House, is the first book of my "Tang Town Trilogy". I think it is the best novel I have written so far. The most charming It is cruel love.