Chapter 30 friend

My throat was filled with the sticky, creamy substance again. I managed to spit it out, breathing a little easier.What I spit landed on the laptop in front of me, and I heard it land on the laptop.My heart moved. If I could turn on the computer, I would be able to see the cute photos of Xiaobai on the computer desktop and listen to the music on the computer. That might bring me short-term comfort, but there was nothing I could do. Music can soothe the soul. I was reminded of Enya's disc that a friend gave me a few years ago.Since then, I've been fascinated by her timeless vocals and mystical Irish music.I often listen to Enya's songs when writing, and the tide of inspiration will flood my mind over and over again.I am especially grateful to that friend who reminded me of Enya in this dark night of hopelessness, the music that rang out in the darkness, it was everywhere, seeped into my dying flesh and the ruins of my despair.

I think of my friends in the music, the friends who have helped and loved me throughout my life.They move me. I have always felt that friends are as precious as loved ones. Although there are many people in this world who use friends as tools. I have a lot of friends, from three teachings and nine schools, who permeate every corner of the world. Their presence makes me warm and safe.My life would be much darker without them. Rarely have I had as much time to think about them as I have tonight. ... Li Hongyang, this name is associated with my more than 20 years of military life.Many years ago, he was also the editor of the supplement of "Air Force News". My first essay "Lonely Tree" after serving in the army was published through his hands.That year, because of the unfair treatment that occurred when our company instructor Liu Changhui changed jobs, I quarreled with the regiment leader and was dealt with.After hearing about this incident, he, who had never met him, rushed from Beijing to Shaanxi, where he worked as a regiment leader and gave me a chance. At that time, the regiment security department was going to send me to a labor camp.Later, we became good brothers, and the time of more than 20 years has not diluted our feelings.After his daughter Li Xiaobai was born, he was so happy that he wanted to be her godfather...

Ma Hong, I don't know if you are really older than me. You keep asking me to call you sister, but because of that sweater, I admit it.Did you know that you were the first woman to knit me a sweater.How young we were at that time, we took the same train to go to the northwest to serve as soldiers, and we were in the same army, but you were in the military headquarters, and we were in the grassroots company.I can't express how excited I am to hear your voice on the phone.When I received the sweater you knitted for me, I couldn't bear to wear it. I thought it was you who spent so much spare time picking it out stitch by stitch...

Zheng Wenge, no, this is your old name, but now you have changed your name to Zheng Tao.You and Li Rongrong, Li Wenbang, Xia Murong, Ma Helao, and Li Baiyuan are all good brothers who have played with me since childhood.I remember that year my leg was broken and I couldn't walk to school. You came to my house every day and took turns carrying me to school.So much time has passed, and the scene is still vivid in my memory... Qiu Youbin, I really regret that when I went back to my hometown to visit my relatives for the first time after I served in the army, I made you cry in front of Beicun.Actually, I understand you. I know that human nature is innate. I can't change your life, just as you can't change mine.In high school a long time ago, we had a very congenial time, and you were always so talented, talking endlessly about your understanding of life.You gave me several large diaries with the sufferings of your youth, and they nourished my lonely soul for a while.You have always been the best poet in my heart. Your melancholy and cowardly character determines everything about you. Now you are living a leisurely life in that small mountain town in the west of Fujian. I don’t know whether you still write poems or not.What I want to tell you is that if I can survive, when I see you being bullied, I will rush up and fight the bully like I did when I was a boy.If I die, I hope you can write me a poem and recite it aloud to the bloody setting sun, I believe I can hear...

Mingli, are you still working as an editor at PLA Literature and Art Publishing House?I think we haven't been in touch for a long, long time. At that time, I went to help with the work of "Kunlun" magazine, and I often went to your darkroom at night to help you develop photos.At that time, I was a big boy who knew nothing about the world. I only knew that you were kind to me and often invited me to dinner.In fact, the people in the editorial department were very kind to me at that time, Hai Bo, Cheng Butao, Li Xiaohua, Zhang Junnan...they are all people I will never forget.I remember the day when I left the publishing house, it was snowing heavily, and it was you who sent me to the Beijing Railway Station.When I walked into the platform, I looked back and found that you were still standing at the ticket gate with a smile on your face...

Baoguo, that Spring Festival was the happiest one in my life. Ping and I went to your house to celebrate the New Year, and you gave us your big bed, but you and your husband slept together in a small bed with your little daughter. Never forget it!How I want to go to see the Tulou with you again, and listen to your legendary stories about the Tulou... Cheng Yongxin, when no one published my horror novels, you published my "Blood Money" and two books in one go, which helped me overcome the difficulties.In fact, I have always regarded you as my big brother. In Shanghai, the most realistic city in China, among the few friends I have, you always give me encouragement.In this dark night, I hope you will bring me a glass of wine to warm my hopeless heart...

Cao Yuanyong, do you know, several times, I want to reach out and touch your bright and full forehead, because I don't know why there is so much wisdom in it... Zhou Qiang, the last time we met was when I left Huangshan last fall.At this time, I think of the scene of writing in the former residence of Sai Jinhua last year, and I feel inexplicably sad.The gardens and courtyards in the autumn wind and rain, the hooting of owls in the middle of the night, and the mysterious sound from Sai Jinhua's old house...all are so full of emotion.And you and your wife, on that rainy night, talking wine and talking about world affairs turned out to be a distant dream... As I said, I still have to go back to the garden to write a book about Sai Jinhua Novel, but I don't know if it will be realized, fate has always been so unreasonable...

Zhong Ling, we have been dating for many years. You care about me like a big brother. Do you still remember that when we were in Guilin, we were not afraid of the provocations of a group of hooligans?Both my sister-in-law and my niece like to read my books, but it is a pity that I never have the opportunity to write new books for them to read.Just let them look through my previous books more, just like reading my new book... Guoxing, the miserable days we spent in Wujiaochang, Shanghai, are gone forever when we think about them, how much we want to go back to the past, and Yang Fang, Cunzhou and the others...

Lu Jinbo, I have entrusted you with so many books, but you didn't publish a single one until I was about to die.Even if I die, my soul will float back to your company. Stand behind Haiping and watch how she edits my manuscript, and stand behind Yu Yimei and supervise her designing the cover of my book.If my new book comes out, you can burn a copy to the heavens, I will wait... Pei Lan, do you still remember the words I said when I went to Qingdao that year, when you and Nuan Nuan walked with me on the beach?I said this at the time: "The sea breeze makes your skirt shorter and shorter, and the sun makes our silhouette longer and longer." Qingdao is a place I miss, and there is my long-lost brother Shi Lin...

Hua Xiangrong, you have published a few books, and my brother promised to write a book review for you, but I haven’t started writing, I think it’s too late to write now, wait until the next life, my brother will write a book review for you carefully of…… Little Eraser, you have grown into a big girl now, and you are graduating from college this year.When I met you, you were a thirteen-year-old girl, my youngest sister.Sister, do you still remember that when you were in the freshman year of high school, you became obsessed with games. Your mother called me anxiously and asked me to advise you not to become obsessed. Your mother said, you just listen to me.Sister, it's my fault that I haven't taken good care of you for many years.You are like a small tree growing slowly in my eyes...

Li Duoyu, on the night of the second anniversary of the "Beijing News", I promised to treat you to dinner. Because of my respect for you, I still owe you a meal. I don't know when I can pay you back... Wang Xiaoshan, in fact, we are all "rotten people" who share the same taste. I still remember that when you were drunk in Guangzhou, you fell from a high step, and your knee split a big hole, like a big mouth open , kept spitting blood... Another time, it was me who made a lot of ugly appearances.That was in Beijing. That night I drank a bottle of Erguotou and a bottle of Heifang by myself, and ended up being so drunk. It took you and Xuecun a lot of effort to get me to the bed in the hotel... Brother, I I can't drink with you anymore, you should drink less, it will hurt your health... Jiamei, your smile appeared in front of my eyes. I used to feel happy when I saw your smile. You are a kind girl.It also takes courage to stand up when others slander me.Thinking of how you looked when you were working tirelessly to lose weight, you want to laugh, but you can't... Murong Xuecun, you must still be in Sanya.I remember the scene when we lived together in a hotel-style apartment in Dadonghai last winter and wrote. Every afternoon, we went swimming in the sea. I didn’t expect to see you in a year. Your swimming skills are so perfect, I sigh in front of you For example.You are tanned all over, I said, my body is so white, I’m really embarrassed... Before I came to Sichuan, you asked me to go to Sanya, but I didn’t go, now, I don’t know if I have the opportunity to go to Sanya again and you Swimming in the sea together, how obsessed I am with the sea... Cai Jun, I have always regarded you as my younger brother. When I learned that you have found a soulmate, I am so happy.Really, Xiaoqiu is a good girl. After you were with her, you changed a lot, at least she looks much sharper on the outside.Unfortunately, I may not be able to attend your wedding... Paozi, I call you goddaughter, but I regard you as my own daughter, you are Xiaobai's older sister.I have been worried about your life in Toronto, you are a stubborn child, always worried that you will suffer, the world is so complicated, and you have no plans... ... Although I have lost contact with many friends, I still miss them. I always hope that one day I will be able to contact them and meet them, not for anything else but for the inseparable emotion.And those friends who have been hurt by me, I hope you forgive me for my mistakes, intentional or unintentional.In fact, I have always felt guilty towards you, and I hope to get your forgiveness one day and become good friends again. I remember your kindness, just as I cherish life! Why do I miss my family and friends so much in this painful night?That's because I'm saying goodbye to them, and that's the only way I can say goodbye to them.I think after I bid farewell to them, I should go and wait for the next life. If we still have fate, you can become my relatives and friends again.I hope you forgive me for all my mistakes, remember my smile, don't imagine me so ugly, it's not my fault that I'm ugly. The music goes on. ...