Chapter 13 Chapter Eleven

I can't hold this matter in my heart, I have to talk to someone.This person is Doris.It's classified information, of course, but it's not really a leak when I do it.Doris already knew all about the parasite's operations, and there was no reason to keep any part of it a secret from her. Doris was furious again--damn, she was furious like a raging owl.She bandaged the wound they left me.Of course, as a nurse, she had bandaged much worse wounds than this, but mine was our own.Without thinking about it, I stated the role I thought Mary played in it. "You know, slaughterhouses have an old trick," I said, "they train one animal and lead the others into the slaughterhouse. That's what they had Mary do to me."

She hadn't heard of that trick before, but she knew what I meant. "And you ever wanted to marry this girl?" "Yeah. Stupid, isn't it?" "Men are fools when it comes to women - but that's not the point. It doesn't matter if she wants to marry you or not, the worst part is that she knows you want to marry her. That's why she acts so So hateful, 8,000 times more hateful than in any other situation. She knows what she can do to you. It's not fair." She stopped massaging, her eyes sparkling, "I haven't seen your red-haired girl, not yet— —but if I see her, I must scratch her face."

I smiled at her. "You are a good boy, Doris. You would have done justice to men," "Oh, I'm not an angel, and I've fucked a lot of guys in my day. But if I did anything half as bad as she did, I'd smash all my mirrors. Turn around, and I'm going to massage another One leg." Mary showed up.I knew she was coming because I heard Doris say angrily, "You can't come in." Mary's voice answered, "I'm going in, and if you want to stop me, try." Doris screamed, "Stand still—or I'll pull out your red hair by the roots."

There was a brief silence, only the sound of footsteps, and then there was a loud "snap".Someone gets a slap in the face. I yelled, "Hey! What's going on?" They both appeared in the hallway at the same time.Doris was panting and her hair was a mess.Mary looked solemn and calm, but the bright red on the left side of her cheek was the size and shape of Doris' palm.She looked at me and ignored the nurse. Doris caught her breath. "Get out of here. He doesn't want to see you." Mary said, "Unless he says so himself." I looked at them both, and said, "Oh, hell—Doris, she's here; I'll talk to her. Anyway, there's something I have to tell her. Thank you."

Doris waited for a while and said, "You are a fool!" She slammed the door and left. Mary came to the bed. "Sam," she said, "Sam." "My name is not 'Sam'." "I never knew your real name." I hesitated.This wasn't the time to explain to her that my parents were so stupid as to put the name 'Elihu' on me.I replied, "What's the matter? Just 'Sam'." "Sam," she repeated, "oh, Sam, dear." "I'm not your 'darling.'" She looks down. "Yes, I know that. I don't know why. Sam, I came here to find out why you hate me. Maybe I can't change your hatred for me, but I must know why."

I snorted contemptuously. "After all you've done, don't you know why? Mary, you may be a grim fellow, but you're not stupid. I know that, we've worked together." She shook her head. "On the contrary, Sam. I'm not cruel, but I'm often stupid. Look at me, please look at me—I know what they did to you. I also know you did it to make me I know that, and I'm very grateful. But I don't know why you hate me, and you don't have to do that, and I didn't let you do that, and I don't want you to do that." I didn't answer, and after a while, she said again: "You don't believe me?"

I propped myself up on one elbow. "I believe you. I believe you've convinced yourself that this is the truth. Now, let me tell you what it really is." "please," "You sat in that deceitful chair knowing I would never let you put up with it. Whether your sly female mind admits it or not, you know it. The old man couldn't force me to sit in that chair." Chair, he can't use a gun or drugs to make me sit in it. You can. It's you who can make me take that, and I'd rather die than touch... one that makes me feel dirty and spoiled stuff. But you did."

While I was telling all this, her face grew paler, and her face was almost green against the background of her hair.She said breathlessly, "Do you believe this, Sam?" "What else can it be?" "Sam, that's not how it happened. I had no idea you'd be there. I was in shock. But there was nothing I could do but put up with it; I promised." "Promised," I repeated. "A female high school student's promise is an excuse for all this." "It's not a guarantee for female middle school students." "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether you know I'm there or not, whether what you say is true or not—of course it's not true, but it's okay. The thing is: you're there, and I'm there—and if you do What happened to what you did do, can't you guess?"

"Oh," she waited for a while before continuing, "So that's how you see it. The facts are there, and it's useless for me to argue." "yes." She stood there quietly for a long time, and I ignored her.Finally she said, "Sam—you once said you'd marry me." "I remember saying something like that. That was a long time ago." "I'm not expecting you to bring it up again. But there's another thing, a corollary. Whatever you think of me, Sam, I want to tell you how grateful I am for everything you've done for me, Oh, Miss Barkis will, Sam—do you understand me?"

This time, I grinned at her and smiled. "What a woman! Honestly, I'm amazed by the way your female brains work. You always think that if you play that trump card, you can just write off whatever you did and start all over again." Her face was flushed, and she smiled as I continued, "It's useless. Not this time. I won't accept your proposal, which must be sincere, so as not to inconvenience you." Her face was still flushed, but her voice was still calm and composed, "I am willing. And, I mean it, this—or anything else, I can do it for you." My elbow went numb and I lay on my side. "You can really do something for me."

A look of joy appeared on her face. "do what?" "Get out of here and leave me alone. I'm tired." I turned my face away.I didn't hear her go, but I heard Doris come back.She was angry like a foxhound.Must have passed Mary in the aisle.Facing me, her hands tucked at her waist, she looked petite and indignant. "She convinced you, didn't she?" "I don't think so." "Don't lie to me. You're soft-hearted. I know—men are like this. Idiot! A woman like her, just twist her ass at a man, and he will be like a puppy: roll, play dead, what are you doing It's all right." "I didn't. I gave her what she deserved." "real?" "Yes—I made her pack up at once." Doris looked puzzled. "I wish you did. Maybe you did—she went out without the grace she had when she came in." She said no more about it. "How do you feel?" "Pretty well."—that was a lie, a pure lie. "Want a massage?" "No, just come and sit by the bed and talk to me. Want to smoke?" "Okay—as long as you don't get caught by the doctor." She sat on the bed; I lit our cigarettes with a match, and put hers in her mouth.She took a deep breath and puffed out her chest, her insolent breasts nearly bursting through her tank top.What a meal, I thought again, she was just what I needed in order to forget Mary. We chatted for a while and Doris talked about what she thought of women - she didn't seem to appreciate them in general, although she wasn't at all guilty of being a woman herself - quite the contrary! "Take the female patients," she said, "one of the reasons I do this work is because we have very few female patients. The male patients thank you for everything you do for him. The female patients But think that’s what you’re supposed to do and keep yelling and demanding more.” "Are you going to be that patient?" I asked, just to tease her. "I hope not. I'm healthy, thank God." She stubbed out the cigarette, jumped off the bed, and the bed bounced a few times, "I have to go. If you need anything, just call out..." "Doris—" "how?" "Can you rest recently?" "I recently planned to take two weeks off. What?" "I was thinking. I'm going to be on vacation too--at least. I've got a cabin in the Adirondacks. How about it? We can have a good time there and forget about this madhouse." she laughed. "You know, you're so sweet, sweetheart." She came over and gave me a kiss on the lips, the first time she'd ever done it, "If I wasn't an old married woman, If there are twins, maybe they will really accept your proposal." "Oh." "I'm sorry. But thank you for your kindness. You really made my day." She walked towards the door. I yelled, "Doris, wait a minute." she stops. I said, "I didn't know you were married. Look, the cottage, I mean—take your old man and the kids there and let them enjoy themselves. I'll give you the combination lock and interrogator." " "Are you serious?" "certainly." "Okay—I'll tell you later, thanks." She came back and kissed me again.I wish she wasn't married, at least not so clearly.Then she left. After a while, the doctor came.While he was doing one of those insignificant examinations doctors do, I asked: "The nurse, Miss Marsden—is she married?" "What does this have to do with you?" "I just want to know." "Keep your hands away from my nurse—or I'll have to tuck your hands into boxing gloves. Now stick your tongue out." Later that afternoon, the old man's head popped in.My instinctive reaction is to be happy, which is a long-established habit.Then I remembered, and my attitude cooled down. "I want to talk to you," he said. "I don't want to talk to you, get out." He ignored my objection and walked in with that disabled leg. "You don't mind if I sit down?" "Didn't you already sit down?" I said so, but he endured it.His wrinkled face was gloomy, "You know, boy, you are one of my best men, but sometimes, you are a little too impatient." "Don't worry about my illness," I replied, "I'm not going to do it as long as the doctor tells me to get out of here." So far I haven't made up my mind.But this sentence came out of my mouth naturally, as logical as drinking juice with buckwheat pancakes.I no longer trust the old man, and the following conclusion is self-evident. The old man couldn't hear anything he didn't want to hear. "You're too hasty to jump to conclusions. Take a girl like Mary—" "Which Mary?" "You know which one I'm talking about; you know her by this name, 'Mary Kavanaugh.'" "She was your bait." "You berated her for nothing without knowing the situation. You made her very sad. In fact, you almost ruined one of my good agents." "Hmph! My tears are almost falling." "Listen, you rude brat, you have no reason to be rough with her. You don't know the facts." I didn't answer.He shouldn't have explained to me that this is the most clumsy form of defense. "Oh, I know you think you know everything," he went on. "You thought she was willing to be used as bait to lure you into the work we did. If so, your understanding is a little bit off. She was indeed used as bait, but I used her. This kind of The plan was designed by me." "I know you did it." "Then why condemn her?" "Because, although you designed it, your plan would not have been possible without her active participation. You are capable, you ruthless bastard—but you cannot do it alone. .” He turned a deaf ear to my cursing, and continued: "You know everything, but you don't understand the crucial point, which is—this girl doesn't know at all." "Damn it, there she is." "She was there. Son, when have I ever lied to you?" "No," I admitted, "but you wouldn't even bat an eyelid if you were lying to me." He looked aggrieved, but went on: "Maybe I deserve to be treated like that. If it's for national security, I would lie to my own people. But so far, I haven't found anyone who has lied." Necessary, because I have always strictly selected my subordinates. But this time. National interests have nothing to do with it, and I did not lie. You can investigate yourself, and use any method to see if I am lying. The girl does not know. She Didn't know you were going into that room. She didn't know why you were there. She didn't know who else was going to sit in that chair. She didn't have the slightest doubt that I didn't ask her to take it all, or that I had decided You're the only one fit. Even if I had to tie you up and force you - I'd do it if I didn't have a few tricks to coax you into willingly. To hell with yourself, boy; she even Didn't know you were out of the hospital." I want to believe, and that's why I try so hard not to believe.If it was a lie, it was the kind of lie the old man would tell.The point is whether he's willing to bother to lie -- oh, get the best of the two leading agents, maybe he'll think it's a matter of national security.The old man's thinking is very complicated. "Look at me!" he said.I woke up suddenly from my contemplation, and looked up, "There is one more thing I want you to know, even if the cow does not drink water and forcefully presses its head, I want you to know. First of all, I want to say that everyone—including me— — Thank you all for what you did, whatever your motives. I have this on file and no doubt a medal will be issued in due course. I promise to do it, whether you stay or not In the department. If you want to go, I will help you transfer to wherever, or wherever you want to go." He paused, took a breath, and went on: "But don't you try to pretend to be a hero—" "I won't." "—because the medal was given to the wrong person. The one who really deserved it was Mary. "Be quiet, I haven't finished. You sat in, but I forced you to do it, no matter what method I used. I admit, you have suffered a lot. But Mary A real, pure volunteer. She had no idea what I was up to when she sat in that chair. She wasn't counting on a last-minute rescue, and she had every reason to believe that if she got up alive, she would It's worse than death to lose your mind. But she did—because she's a hero, and you've lost a few points on that." He didn't wait for my answer before continuing: "Listen, boy—most women are stupid fools, childish. But their hearts are much wider than ours. Therefore, the brave ones among them are braver, and the brave ones among them A good man is better—and a mean man is meaner. I'll tell you this: This man is more manly than you, and you wronged her." My heart was extremely restless, and it was difficult to judge whether he was narrating the facts or manipulating me again. I said, "Maybe so. Maybe I wronged the good guy. But if what you say is true—" "it is true." "—that doesn't make what you're doing decent, it's worse." He didn't shy away and accepted my point of view, "Son, I'm sorry if I lost your respect. However, if a similar situation arises, I will do it again. In this case, I have no choice but to Like a commander on the battlefield, I have no choice. I have less choice than a commander on the battlefield, because I use different weapons in battle. I have always been hard-hearted. This may be a good thing, or a bad thing--but It's a job requirement. If you were in my position, you would do it too." "I can't be in your place." "Go on vacation. Take a good rest and think about these issues." "I don't want to take a vacation - I want to go and never look back." "Yes, please." He got up to leave.I said, "Wait a minute—" "how?" "You promised me once, I remember. About the parasite—you said I could kill it, do it myself. Have you run out?" "Yes, I'm done, but—" I start getting out of bed. "No 'but'. Give me your gun; I'm going to kill it right now." "You can't because it's dead." "What? You promised me." "I know I promised you. But when we forced you—to make it—speak, it died." I sat down and started shaking and laughing.Can't stop laughing from the start.I don't like it, but I just can't help it. The old man grabbed my shoulders with both hands and shook them. "Cheer up! You're going to be sick. I'm sorry, but there's nothing funny about it. There's nothing you can do about it." "Oh, that's ridiculous," I said, still sobbing and laughing, "that's the funniest thing that ever happened to me in my life. You're disgracing yourself and ruining me and Mary— It turned out to be nothing." "Ah? Why do you have such an idea?" "Because I knew—I knew everything that happened. You didn't even beat it—over us, I should say. What you didn't know before, you still don't know now." "We don't know the hell!" "Damn you if you know." "It was a much bigger success than you can imagine, boy. We really didn't squeeze anything directly out of the parasite before it died - but we got something of value out of you." "From me?" "Last night, we did it last night. You were anesthetized, had psychoanalysis, had brainwaves taken, had other analyzes done, and squeezed out everything you knew. The parasite spilled the beans on you, After you get rid of it, the secrets remain in your mind, waiting for hypnoanalysis." "what?" "Where do they live. We know where they come from so we can fight back - Titan, the sixth moon of Saturn." There was a sudden choke in my throat as he said this - and I knew he was right. "You struggled a lot before we got it off of you," he recalls. "We had to hold you down so you wouldn't hurt yourself — worse." Instead of leaving, he moved his lame leg onto the bed, sat on the edge of the bed, and lit a cigarette.It seemed that this gesture of closeness made him uncomfortable.I don't want to fight him anymore; I feel dizzy, and there are situations I have to figure out.Titan - very far away.Mars is the farthest planet that humans have ever been to.Only once has a probe been sent to one of Jupiter's moons, the Sea Grave Expedition, but it never returned, never to return. But we can get there if there is a good reason to be there.We're going to destroy their lair! Finally, he stood up to go.He limped to the door and I called him again: "Daddy—" I haven't called him that in years.He turned around with a look of surprise on his face. "What, child?" "Why do you and mom call me 'Elihu'?" "Oh? Why, because I thought the name was appropriate at the time. It's your grandfather's name." "Oh, I have to say, that's not an excuse." "Perhaps not enough." He turned to leave again, and I called him again. "Dad—what kind of person is my mother?" "Your mother? I don't know what to say to you. Well—she's very much like Mary. Yes, very much like Mary." He didn't give me any chance to speak, turned around, and walked out with clumsy steps. I turned to face the wall.After a while, I calmed down.