Chapter 9 Section IX

December 14, 2205 I should have celebrated, I had succeeded at such a great cost: I was finally pregnant with Michael's child.But I have to admit that the price has been too great, we haven't heard anything from Richard, and I'm really worried that the passage of time will also dilute my feelings for Michael. Michael and I shared full responsibility when Richard was gone.Life punishes me, but I know I should put all my worries behind me and just be a mom to my kids.Michael completely plunged himself into religious confession as a way to absolve himself of his sin.He reads the Bible at least twice a day and prays before and after meals.In order to communicate more with God, he also minimizes family activities. "Atonement" is his current priority.

Michael influenced Simone deeply with his Christian zeal, which, despite my strong objections, had little effect.Simone didn't understand but still enjoyed hearing Michael's stories about Jesus.Stories of miracles especially fascinated Simone.As her mother I'm glad they got along so close.Poor Katie and I have always lacked this deep bond. Katie and I are stubborn.Katie, who is only two and a half years old, has taken control of her own destiny.Case in point: I set the daily schedule for the entire family from the very beginning, and no one ever had an argument with me, not even Richard.Michael and Simone have never been too receptive to anything I ask of them, as long as they are given enough personal time.Katie was a different story entirely: If I arranged to go for a walk in New York first, then learn the phonetics, she would try to reverse the order; if I arranged to have chicken for dinner, she would clamor for beef or pork.Every morning I would argue with her about scheduling the day's activities.As long as it doesn't suit her, she will lose her temper, pouting and crying for her father.It broke my heart when she cried for daddy.Michael said it was just a developmental stage of the child and I should go with her.When I pointed out to Michael that neither Genevieve nor Simone was like that, Michael could only smile and shrug his shoulders resignedly.

Michael and I have different views on being a parent.We discussed a few times how to organize our family life in this peculiar environment, and Michael thought I was being too hard on the kids.I was a little annoyed by his conclusion, so I decided to change the subject and talk about religion.I asked Michael why it was so important for Simone to learn the life of Jesus. "Someone should pass on these stories and traditions," he said vaguely. "You believe that we must carry on our traditions so that we don't live aimlessly in space and die alone, don't you?" "I believe God has a plan for everyone," he replied.

"What is God's plan for us?" I asked. "I don't know." Michael said, "There are tens of millions of people on the earth who want to know God's arrangement for them. The meaning of life is to find God's arrangement for us." I shook my head incomprehensibly, and Michael continued, "Look, Nicole, it's easy for us. There are fewer distractions than there are on Earth, but there's no reason for us to be far from God. I used to study cooking, art history, but found it difficult to devote myself wholeheartedly. In Ramari, besides praying hard and serving the Lord sincerely, we also have to do many other things.”

I have to say that sometimes his obsession pissed me off.Our present has nothing to do with the life of Jesus, or any human being living two light years away.We are destined to either die or face a new kind of life.Did Jesus really wash away our sins?Did he really die for those of us who can never return to Earth? Michael had a hundred reasons why it was wrong to conceive his child.Maybe it was because I kept persuading him to agree.However, he warned me that "it may not work" and claimed that he was "not responsible" for the failure. It took us three months to conceive a baby.I hope this is a boy who will carry on our family.What a struggle it has been, and I have paid so much for it that it is almost not worth it.Richard left me because of this boy.Michael, as a friend and partner, is not as close to us as he was in his first year at Rama.At such a great cost, my only hope is that the alien ship will eventually reach a destination.

March 1, 2206 After retesting this morning I am completely confident that the baby to be born will be a boy.After breakfast the kids were out and I showed Michael the test data.The data show that the unborn child definitely has Whitingham syndrome.He didn't quite understand me at first, and then I had to use words that children would be "retarded".I could see then that he was imagining what it would be like to be a boy who couldn't fend for himself.I explained to him that Whitingham Syndrome is nothing more than a slow learning experience, a common mental disorder, and Michael's anxiety eased a little.

When I was tested last week, I suspected that the baby might have congenital Whitingham syndrome, and I didn't say anything to Michael at the time.Katie was taking a nap that afternoon, and Michael and I sent Simone to the nursery to read for an hour and a half, which our sweet little angel happily obliged.I explained to Michael that Benjamin (who wanted to name the child Benjamin Jean O'Toole after his grandfather) could be mentally slow and retarded.Michael was relieved to hear that many Whitingham patients can achieve the intelligence of a normal 12-year-old after 20 years of schooling.I assured him that there was no external physical defect in the disease and that it was highly unlikely that the patient's first three generations would inherit the defect.

"Is there a way to know which of us has the defective gene?" Michael asked me before the conversation ended. "No," I replied. "The defect is expressed in several different damaged genes, which are difficult to isolate. It is only found when it is extremely active. By." I told Michael that the first Whitingham syndrome patient was discovered in 2068, and the disease was not found in Africa or Asia at that time.It is a Caucasian disease with the highest incidence in Iceland.I just want Michael to know this, knowing more will only annoy him more.So did the medical encyclopedia Michael was reading now.

Then he asked, "Is there a cure?" "I can't help it," I shook my head. "In the past 10 years, there have been indications that there may be effective gene therapy measures during the fourth, fifth, and sixth months of pregnancy, but the process is quite complicated. Even on earth, it may cause miscarriage. " It would be nice if Michael would bring up "miscarriage" in the discussion, but he never would.His religion is so impenetrable, I'm sure he'll never think about it.To him, abortion was an unforgivable mistake, both on Earth and in Ramari.

If Richard were still here, we might have to do a logical analysis of the pros and cons of having an abortion.Richard might make separate lists of pros and cons on the display.And I might have another list of emotional factors to not have a miscarriage.As can be imagined, the final result is that we agreed to let Benjamin come to Rama, which is our joint wise decision.I wanted this baby, and I further wanted Michael to make clear his commitment to be Benjamin's father.