Chapter 43 Chapter Forty-One Disappears

Ian sat with me in the dark for three days. He only leaves for a few minutes at a time to get us food and water.At first, when Ian ate it, I didn't.Later, he realized that I didn't touch the food because I didn't have an appetite, and he stopped eating. I took advantage of the short time he was gone to attend to a physical need that couldn't be ignored, luckily the smelly creek was nearby.As I hunger strike longer and longer, those physical needs disappeared. I couldn't help but sleep uncomfortably.The first day I woke up with my head and shoulders in his lap.I ran away from him, shaking violently, and he never did the same thing again.Since then, I've slept sitting on the floor against a wall, and would immediately return to the quietly curled up position upon waking.

"Please," whispered Ian on the third day—or at least the third day I thought; in a dark, silent place with no way of telling the passage of time, and it was the first time he had spoken. I knew there was a plate of food in front of me and he pushed it until it touched my leg and I moved away. "Please, Xiaoman, please eat something." He put his hand on my arm, but when I flinched back he let it go. "Please don't hate me, I'm sorry. If I knew I would have stopped them, I would never let the same thing happen again." He will never stop them, he is just one of many.Like Jared said, he hadn't objected before.I am the enemy of even the most merciful beings, the limited mercy of human beings is reserved only for themselves.

I know a doctor would never intentionally inflict pain on another human being.I guess, for someone as tender and sensitive as he is, he couldn't even bear to witness such a situation, but what if it was a bug, a centipede?Why should he care about the pain of this strange alien creature?How could the murder of a baby, slowly tearing it to pieces, disturb him if it didn't have a human mouth to cry out from? "I should have told you," Ian said softly. Would it have made a difference if I had been told rather than witnessed the tortured bodies?Is my pain less intense? "Please eat something."

There was silence again, and we sat in silence for a while, maybe another hour passed. Ian stood up and walked away quietly. I couldn't understand my emotions, and at that moment, I hated the body that bound me.Why does his leaving make me depressed?Why does my heart hurt to have the solitude I crave?I wanted that demon back, which was definitely a mistake. I didn't stay alone for long, I don't know if Ian went to call Jeb, or if Jeb was waiting for Ian to leave, but I recognized Jeb's approaching whistle in the dark, slightly contemplative Meaning whistle. The whistling stopped a few feet from me, followed by a loud click.The yellow beams hurt my eyes and I blinked.

Jeb put down the flashlight and turned the bulb upwards.It forms a circle of light in the low ceiling, and the bright light around us becomes wider and more diffuse. Jeb sat down against the wall next to me. "Want to starve yourself to death? Is that your plan?" I stare at the stony ground. If I'm being honest with myself, I know the mourning is over, and I grieve.I don't know the children or other spirits in that horrible cave, and it's impossible for me to grieve for strangers for the rest of my life.No, now I am angry. "If you want to die, there are simpler and faster ways."

Seems like I didn't realize that. "Then take me to the doctor," I said hoarsely. Jeb wasn't surprised to hear me speak.He nodded secretly, as if the words were words he knew I would say. "Do you think we'll just give up like this, Rover?" Jeb's voice was firm, more serious than I've heard before. "We have a stronger survival instinct than that. Of course we want to find the way to get our minds back." Way, something like this could happen to any one of us one day, and we've lost so many loved ones." "It's hard, every time the doctor fails, he's almost broken - you've seen it. We're dying and we're trying to save ourselves."

For the first time, Jeb seemed to be talking to me as a spirit rather than a human being.Although I have a feeling that distinction has always been clear to him, he's just a humble, polite demon. I cannot deny the truth of what he said, or the truth in what he said.Slowly recovering from the shock, I am myself again now, and justice is in my nature. A small number of humans can see things in my shoes, at least Ian can.I can also consider their position that they are demons, but maybe demons who do things for a reason. They certainly felt that violence was the solution, and they couldn't imagine any other way.Can I blame them for their genetic makeup limiting their ability to solve problems?

I cleared my throat, but my voice became hoarse after not speaking for a long time. "Hacking those babies won't save anybody, Jeb, they're all dead now." He was silent for a moment: "We can't distinguish between young and old in your ethnic group." "Yes, I know that." "Your Clan will not spare our babies." "But we don't torture them, we never intentionally hurt anyone." "You do it better, you destroy them." "You do both." "Yes—because we've got to try, we've got to fight, it's the only way we know how to do it. Either keep trying or sit and die." He raised an eyebrow at me.

The things I do must look like that too. Sighing, I picked up the bottle of water Ian had placed at my feet.I drank the water in one gulp, then cleared my throat again. "It won't help, Jeb. You can keep chopping us up, but you'll just kill more and more sentient beings in your pack and mine. We hate to kill, but we're not physically weak. Our tentacles It may look like limp silver hair, but they are stronger than your body organs. Isn't that what it is now? The doctors chopped my family to pieces, and their tentacles smashed your family's brains." "Like cottage cheese," he agreed.

I was suffocated, and the sight made me tremble. "It makes me sick too," he confesses, "and the doctor is really frustrated. Every time he thinks he's going to make it, it turns sour again. He's tried everything he can think of, but he can't Prevent their fate from turning into oatmeal. Your souls do not respond to the infusion of sedatives or poisons." There was a new fear in my voice: "Of course it doesn't work, our anatomy is completely different." "Once, a spirit seemed to guess what was going to happen. Before the doctor could knock him unconscious, the silver thing tore the host's brain from the inside. Of course, we didn't know what happened until the doctor opened his brain. What, that guy just broke down like this."

I was amazed and thought it was incredible, that soul must be very brave.I didn't have the guts to do that, even when I was sure they were trying to extract that information from me.I never imagined that they would find a way to find out on their own, that path was clearly doomed, it never occurred to me. "Jeb, relatively speaking, we are tiny creatures, completely dependent on hosts who are unwilling to cooperate. If we don't have some means of resistance, we won't be able to survive for long." "Your group has a right to resist like that, and I'm not denying that. I just want to tell you that we will continue to fight back, in whatever way we can. We don't want to cause anyone pain, and we will make it up when we leave, but We will continue to resist." We looked at each other. "Well, maybe you should let the doctor dig me out, for what use am I?" "Okay, don't be stupid, Xiaoman. We humans are not so logical. We have more good and evil than you. Uh, maybe it's mainly evil." I nodded, but he continued, ignoring my reaction. "We value the individual, and at the end of the day, maybe we are too personal. In the abstract, how many people would just say Paige, how many people would she sacrifice to keep Andy alive? If you look at everyone as Equal creatures would not understand the answer." "The importance you get here... well, if you look at it from a human point of view, it doesn't make much sense, but someone values ​​you more than a stranger. I have to admit, I put myself in that group. I put Treat you as a friend, Xiaoman. Of course, if you hate me, there's nothing you can do about it." "I don't hate you, Jeb, but..." "Ok?" "I just don't know how to keep living here. I can't live here if you guys are going to slaughter my family in another room, but obviously, I can't leave. So, you know what I mean? Except What's left of the senseless massacre of doctors?" I shuddered. He nodded seriously: "Well, that's right, I told you to endure those injustices." My stomach sank: "If I had a choice, I'd rather have you shoot me, really." I whispered. Jeb laughed, "Don't worry, baby, no one is going to shoot my friends or hack them to death. I know you're not lying, Man. If you think our approach isn't going to help, then we should reconsider ...I'll tell the kids not to bring back other souls for a while, and I think the doctor's got a nervous breakdown, he can't take this anymore." "You might be lying to me," I reminded him, "I'm not very good at telling." "Then you'll have to trust me, because I won't shoot you. I won't let you starve yourself. Eat something, boy, it's an order." I took a deep breath and thought hard.I'm not sure we're used to being here, that nothing makes sense in this body.I love the humans here so much, they are friends.I can't recognize these demonic friends when I'm deep in my emotions. Jeb picked up a thick piece of cornbread, soaked in stolen honey, and thrust it into my hand. The bread crumbled into a sticky powder that stuck to my fingers.I sighed again, and licked the crumbs with my tongue. "That's a good girl! We'll work out this mess. It'll all work out, just wait and see and try to think positive things." "Think something positive." I chewed the bread with a big M in my mouth and shook my head suspiciously, only Jeb at this time Ian came back, he walked into the light shining on us, and saw the food in my hand , the stretched expression on his face made me feel guilty, it was a look of relief. No, I never intentionally inflicted physical pain on anyone, but the hurt I did to myself stung Ian deeply.Human life is so complicated and chaotic. "Jeb, you're here," he whispered, sitting down across from us, slightly closer to Jeb, "Jared guesses you might be here." I moved half a foot closer to him, my arm aching from immobility, and put my hand on his. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He raised his hand to support me: "Don't apologize to me." "I should have known, Jeb was right. Of course you're going to fight, how can I blame you for that?" "You're different here, we should stop." But my presence here only makes it more necessary to fix this problem.How to take me out and leave Melanie here.How to destroy me and bring her back. "There's no fairness in war." I whispered, trying to force a smile on my face. He grinned slightly: "And love, you forgot that part." "Okay, come on," Jeb muttered, "I'm not done yet." I looked at him curiously, what else? "Now," he took a deep breath, "don't be scared anymore, okay?" he asked, looking at me. I froze and squeezed Ian's hand even tighter. Ian glanced anxiously at Jeb. "Are you going to tell her?" Ian asked. "What's wrong?" I gasped, "What happened?" Jeb looked serious: "It's Jamie." These three words changed my world from color to black again. For three long days, I have been a wanderer, a soul among men.Now I suddenly became Man again, a confused soul with strong and uncontrollable human emotions. I jumped up—pulled Ian up too, my hands clamped around his like pincers—and wobbled, dazed. "God, I told you not to be freaked out, Man. Jamie's fine, he's just anxious to see you. He's been looking for you since he heard what happened - that kid's worried as hell - I think That's not good for him. I'm here to tell you to go and see him, but you can't do that. You look horrible, and it's just going to make him more depressed for no reason, you sit down and eat." "Where's his leg?" I asked sternly. "It's an infection," Ian said vaguely. "The doctor wants him to lie down, or he would have come to you a long time ago. If Jared hadn't pinned him to the bed, he would have come anyway." Jeb nodded. "Jared almost came over and took you away with force, but I told him to let me talk to you first. It won't do him any good to see you nervous." I feel like my blood has turned into frozen water, but of course this is just my imagination. "What did you do?" Jeb shrugged: "There's nothing to do, the boy is strong and he'll be fine." "There's nothing to do? What does that mean?" "It's a viral infection," Ian said. "We're out of antibiotics." "Because antibiotics don't work - viruses are smarter than your drugs. There must be better drugs, other drugs." "Well, we don't have any other medicine," Jeb said. "He's a healthy kid, just let it be." "Let it be." I muttered dazedly. "Eat something," urged Ian, "he'll be worried if he sees you like this." I wiped my eyes, trying to clear my mind. Jamie is sick, and there is no medicine here for him.There was no choice but to wait and see if his body healed itself, and if not "no." I gasped. I felt as if I was standing on the edge of Walter's grave again, listening to the sound of sand falling in the dark. "No." I moaned, trying not to think about it. I turned around involuntarily, took stiff steps, and walked towards the exit. "Wait," Ian said, but instead of pulling me back, he walked out with me. Jeb caught up with me from the other side and stuffed some more food into my free hand. "Eat something for the kids," he said. I took a bite, but couldn't taste it, chewed blankly, and swallowed the food numbly. "I knew she'd overreact," Jeb muttered. "Then why did you tell her?" Ian said despondently. Jeb didn't answer. I wondered why he didn't answer. Could it be worse than I thought? "Is he in the hospital?" My voice was flat and unmoving. "No, it's not," Ian reassured me immediately, "he's in your room." I didn't even feel comforted, it was so numb. I would go back to that room for Jamie, even if it still smelled of blood. I didn't look at the familiar cave I walked past, and didn't even notice that it was daytime.People stopped to stare at me, and I couldn't take anyone's gaze.I could only walk forward step by step, and finally reached the foyer. Some people gathered in front of the seventh cave, the silk screen was pushed far away, and they craned their necks to look at Jared's room.They were acquaintances, friends I considered, friends of Jamie's.why are they hereIs it because his condition is so unstable that they have to come and check frequently? "Xiaoman," someone called me, it was Heidi, "Xiaoman is here." "Let her go," Wes said, patting Jeb on the back. "Good job." I walked past the small group without looking at them.They made way for me, and if they didn't, I would run straight into them.I can't do anything but move my body forward. The high-ceilinged room was bright and not too crowded, and the doctor or Jared told everyone to stay outside.I vaguely noticed Jared, leaning against the far wall, his hands folded behind his back, a position he only assumed when he was feeling particularly anxious.The doctor was kneeling on the bed where Jamie slept, where he had slept when I left. Why should I leave him? Jamie's face was red and sweaty.The jeans leg of his right leg was cut open and a bandage was wrapped around the cut.The wound was not as big or as scary as I had imagined.It was a two-inch gash with smooth edges but an unnerving redness around the edges, and the skin around the cut was swollen and gleaming. "Man," Jamie exhaled softly when he saw me, "oh, you're fine, oh." He took another deep breath. I tripped and knelt beside him, dragging Ian to the ground too.I touched Jamie's cheek, his skin was hot.My elbow touched the doctor, but I didn't pay attention.He walked away immediately, I didn't look at the expression on his face, no matter if I was disgusted or ashamed. "Jamie, baby, how are you doing?" "Damn it," he grinned. "Damn it, can you believe it?" He pointed to his leg. "Unlucky." I found a damp cloth on his pillow and wiped Jamie's forehead with it. "You'll be fine." I promise.I surprised myself by sounding excited. "Of course, it's nothing, but Jared doesn't allow me to talk to you." He suddenly became anxious, "I heard that there is Xiaoman, you know I—" "Shh, don't think about it. If I knew you were sick, I would have come here." "I'm not actually sick, just a nasty infection, but I'm glad you're here, I don't like not knowing where you are." I got a lump in my throat.demon?my jamieAbsolutely not. "I heard you taught Wes a lesson the day we got back," Jamie said, changing the subject with a bright smile. "I wish I could have seen it! I bet Melanie loved that." "Yes, she does." "Is she okay? Not so worried?" "Of course she's worried," I whispered, watching the movement of the cloth on his forehead, as if it were someone else's hand. Melanie. where is she I searched for her familiar voice in my mind.Nothing, just silence.why is she not hereMy fingers touch Jamie's hot skin.The touch—the unhealthy heat—should startle her as much as I do. "Are you okay?" Jamie asked, "Man?" "I'm tired, Jamie, I'm sorry, I just lost my mind." He looked at me carefully: "You don't seem to be in good spirits." What did I do? "I haven't washed for a long time." "I work, you know. You should go get something to eat or something, you're so pale." "Don't worry about me." "I'm going to get you some food," Ian said. "Son, are you hungry?" "Uh no, not too hungry." My eyes turned to Jamie, who was always hungry. "Tell the others," I said to Ian, gripping his hand tighter. "Of course." His expression was calm, but I could sense surprise and concern, "Wes. Can you go get some food? Get Jamie some food too, I'm sure he'll have it when you get back." Appetite." I study Jamie's face.His face was flushed, but his eyes were bright.If I leave him alone for a few minutes, he should be fine. "Jamie, you don't mind if I wash my face? I feel dirty." The unnatural tone in my voice made him frown: "Of course I don't mind." I pulled Ian up again when I stood up: "I'll be right back, this time for real." The faint joke made him smile. I felt someone watching me leave the room, Jared or the doctor, I didn't know and I didn't care. Only Jeb was still standing in the hall now; the others had left, perhaps reassured by Jamie's condition.Jeb tilted his head to one side, curiously wondering what I was up to.He was surprised to see me leave Jamie so quickly and suddenly, and he recognized the affectation in my voice. I hurried past his curious gaze and pulled Ian along. I dragged Ian through the room where the entrances to the tunnels converged. It was a huge, messy room where the tunnel entrances to all the living quarters converged.I didn't continue to walk towards the main square, but pulled him casually into a dark corridor, which was deserted. "Xiaoman, what?" "I need your help, Ian." My voice was tense and flustered. "Everything you need is available, you know." I put my hands on the sides of his cheeks and looked into his eyes, whose blue twinkle I could barely see in the dark. "I need you to kiss me, Ian, right now, please."