Chapter 8 Chapter 6 Trailing

The light outside the window gradually receded.The day in March is very hot, and I have been procrastinating and staying, as if unwilling to end and let me be free. I blew my nose and twisted the wet handkerchief into another knot: "Cathy, you must have other things to do, Curt will wonder where you are." "He will understand." "I can't stay here forever, and we're the same as before, and we're not getting any closer." "Quick problem solving is not my strong point, you decide not to change to a new host?" "yes." "Then it's likely to take time to deal with all of this."

I grit my teeth in frustration. "And things go faster and smoother if you get some help." "I will be more proactive in making appointments, I promise." "That's not exactly what I meant, though I hope you do." "You mean your help?" I cringe at the thought of reliving today's harrowing experience with a stranger. "I'm sure you're as competent as any counselor—more so." "I don't mean another counselor." She shifted her position in the chair and stretched her arms and legs stiffly. "How many friends do you have, Rover?"

"You mean people you know at work? I see a few other teachers almost every day, and I've spoken to a few students in the hallway" "What about outside of school?" I stared at her blankly. "Human hosts need to interact with each other. You are not used to being alone, dear, you have the mind of the whole planet—" "We rarely go out." I deflated my efforts at faux humor. She smiled slightly and continued: "You're fighting your problem so hard that it's all you can focus on, and maybe not being so engrossed is a solution. You said it, Merlin Anne will get bored while you're working and she won't be as active. Maybe if you develop some peer-to-peer relationships, they'll bore her too."

I pursed my lips and thought about it carefully.After a long day of trying to be comforted, Melanie was lethargic and seemed really unmotivated by the idea. Cathy nodded: "Integrate into life, not be influenced by her." "Makes sense." "And then there's these physical drives that the body needs, and I've never seen or heard anything comparable to them. One of the first hardest things we have to overcome is the mating instinct. Believe Me, humans notice when you don't." She smiled, rolling her eyes at some memory.When I didn't respond as she expected, she breathed a sigh of relief, then folded her arms impatiently, "Oh, come on, rover, you must have noticed."

"Okay, of course," I murmured, and Melanie became restlessly excited, "Obviously, I've told you about those dreams" "No, I don't just mean dreams. Right now, haven't you met someone to whom your body responds—on a strictly chemical level?" I thought about her question carefully: "I don't think so, that's not what I noticed." "Trust me," said Cathy nonchalantly, "you'll notice." She shook her head. "Perhaps you should open your eyes and look around. It might do you good." Hearing this thought, my body trembled.I thought of Melanie's disgust and reflected it in my own body.

Cathy read my expression: "Don't let her control how you communicate with your kind, Wanderer, don't let her control you." My nose exploded, and I waited a moment before answering, reining in a rage I'd never been very used to. "She didn't control me." Cathy raised an eyebrow. Anger tightened my throat: "You didn't stray too far when you looked for your current partner. Was that choice controlled?" She ignored my anger and thought about my question carefully. "Perhaps," she said at last, "it's hard to know, but you've made your point." Picking up a thread in the hem of her blouse, as if realizing she was avoiding my gaze, she firmly Putting your hands together and straightening your shoulders, "Who knows how many are from a particular host on a particular planet? As I said before, I think time may be the best answer to your question. Will she Gradually become indifferent and silent, allowing you to make choices other than this Jared, or well, the hunters are pretty good. They're already looking for him, and maybe you'll recall something that helps .”

I didn't move as I slowly took her meaning, she didn't seem to notice that I was frozen in place. "Maybe they'll find Melanie's love and you'll be together. If his feelings are as strong as hers, the new soul will likely be affected." "No!" I'm not sure who yelled it out loud.That person could be me, and I'm also full of fear. I stood up, trembling.The tears that would have flowed so easily in the past did not flow out this time, and my hands were tightly clenched into fists and trembling. "Wanderer?" But I turned around and ran for the door, resisting the words that couldn't come out of my mouth.Those words couldn't have been said by me, they would mean nothing unless she said them, but they seemed to be said by me.They cannot be said by me, they cannot be said.

That would kill him!That would make him cease to exist!I don't want anyone else.I want Jared, not a stranger in his body!That body means nothing without him. As I ran toward the road, I heard Cathy calling my name behind me. I live not far from the counselor's office, but the street is so dark that I don't know where to go.I had run two blocks before realizing I was going the wrong way. People look at me.I'm not in gym clothes, and I'm not jogging.I was running away, but no one bothered me, they politely avoided it.They'll guess that I've just been implanted in this host and behave like a child.

I slowed down and started walking, turning north so I could circle back without having to pass Cathy's office again. I walk only slightly slower than I run.I heard my feet hit the sidewalk so fast, as if they were trying to keep up with the beat of dance music, slap, slap, smack on the concrete.No, it's not like a drumbeat, it's too angry.Like violence, smack, smack, smack, someone beating another, the horrific image is daunting. I could see the lights in front of my apartment, and it didn't take me long to get that far, but I didn't cross the street. I felt sick, and I remembered what it was like to throw up, even though I had never experienced it.The cold droplets gathered on my forehead, the hollow sound echoed in my ears, and I was pretty sure I was about to experience this for myself.

With a row of grass growing beside the sidewalk and a well-inlaid fence around the street lights, I didn't have time to look for a better spot.I stumbled over to the street lamp and grabbed hold of a post for support, dizzy from the nausea. Yes, I'm definitely going to experience vomiting. "Wanderer, is that you? Wanderer, are you sick?" The vaguely familiar voice was impossible to notice, but knowing someone was watching only made it worse as I pressed my face against the undergrowth and violently vomited what I had just eaten. "Who is your therapist here?" the voice asked.The voice sounded so far away in my buzzing ears, a hand on my arched back, "Do you need an ambulance?"

I coughed twice and shook my head.I'm sure it's over, my stomach is empty. "I'm not sick," I said, pulling myself straight with the help of a lamppost, without turning my head to see who was watching my humiliating moment. The searchers from Chicago, cellphones in hand, were figuring out which authorities to call.I took a good look at her, then bent over the grass again.I thought my stomach was empty, but it still wasn't, and she was the last person I wanted to see right now. But, as my stomach rose and fell in vain, I realized she was there for a reason. oh no!Oh no no no no no! "Why?" I exclaimed, panic and distress stealing my voice, "Why are you here? What happened?" The counselor's very disturbing words buzzed in my head. I stared intently at the hand clutching the collar of the hunter's black suit, and it took me a moment to realize it was mine. "Stop!" she said, scowling and creaking. I'm shaking her. I let go of my hand suddenly and covered my face, "Excuse me!" I roared, "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing." The hunter scowled at me and smoothed the front of her coat: "You are uncomfortable, I think I scared you." "I didn't expect to see you here," I whispered, "Why are you here?" "Before we talk, let me take you to the treatment room. If you have the flu, you should get it. There's no reason to let it wear you down." "I don't have the flu, I'm not sick." "Did you eat something bad? You should report where you got it." Her spying on other people's privacy is very annoying: "I didn't eat bad things, I was very healthy." "Why don't you have a therapist check it out? Scan quickly - you shouldn't be ignoring your host. That's irresponsible, especially when health care is so simple and effective." I took a deep breath, resisting the urge to shake her again.She is a full head shorter than me, and I will win this fight. fight?I turned away from her and walked quickly towards my house.I'm emotional and dangerous right now.I need to calm down before I do the unforgivable. "Wanderer, wait! Healer" "I don't need a therapist," I said without turning around. "It was just emotional instability. I'm fine now." The hunter didn't answer, and I don't know what she thinks of my answer. I could hear her shoes — high heels — slapping behind me, and I left the door open knowing she would follow me in.I went to the sink and poured a full glass of water.She waited without a word for me to rinse and spit the water out of her mouth.After cleaning, I leaned on the stove and stared at the basin. She quickly grew impatient. "So, Wanderer, you still keep that name? I don't mean to be rude to you by calling you that." I didn't look at her: "I'm still called Wanderer." "Interesting, I was counting on you to be the kind of person who would choose for himself." "I did choose. I chose the Wanderer." It had long since become clear to me that the less serious altercation I overheard the first day I woke up in the treatment room was the hunter's fault.Of the nine different lives I've lived through, this hunter is one of the most provocative spirits I've ever met.My first healer Furvoz?Deep?Waters had always been very calm and kind and wise, even for a soul, and yet he couldn't help resenting her, and that made me feel a little better about my own reactions. I turned and faced her.She was sitting on my little couch, snuggled up comfortably, as if she was going to visit me for a long time.There was a self-satisfied expression on her face, eyes bulging with interest, and I resisted the urge to frown angrily. "Why are you here?" I asked again.My voice is lifeless and restrained, and I will not lose control again in front of this woman. "It's been a long time since I last heard from you, so I thought I might as well come and see for myself, we're still nowhere on your case." My hands pressed tightly against the edge of the stove behind my back, but my voice was restrained from revealing the slightest bit of excitement caused by reassurance. "That seems overly enthusiastic. Besides, I emailed you last night." Her eyebrows are tangled in her own way, and that way makes her look angry and annoyed at the same time, as if you, not her, are responsible for her anger.She took out her handheld and touched the screen a few times. "Oh," she said sternly, "I didn't check my email today." She didn't speak as she went through the letters I wrote her. "I sent it to you very early this morning," I said. "I was half asleep. I don't know how much of what I wrote was memory, or dreams, or sleepwalking typing." I finished the words - Melanie's words - and they flowed out of my mouth so easily, I even added a good-hearted laugh when I finished.It is dishonest, even shameful, for me to do so, but I will not let the hunter know that I am inferior to my overlord. This time, Melanie wasn't complacent about being better than me.She, too, was relieved that I hadn't betrayed her for my own trivial reasons, and for that she couldn't be more grateful. "Interesting," the hunter muttered under his breath, "another man on the loose." She shook her head. "Peace has eluded us." She is very happy. I bit my lip tightly.Melanie was so desperate to deny one more thing, that the boy was just part of the dream.Don't be silly, I told her, that's just trying to cover up.The hunter's repulsive nature was simply too sensitive for her to feel that Melanie and I were on the same side. I hate her.Melanie's soft-spoken words were sharp, like a prick. I know I know.I wish I could deny that I feel similar.Hate is an unforgivable emotion, but liking the Hunter is difficult, if not impossible. The hunter interrupted my inner conversation: "So, you have nothing more to do with me on the road map than to evaluate new locations?" I felt my body respond to her critical tone: "I never said they were road map lines, that's your guesswork. And on the contrary, I have no other information." She flicked her tongue three times: "But you said they were instructions." "That's what I think, I haven't been given more information." "Why not? Haven't you conquered that person yet?" She laughed out loud, mocking me openly. I turned my back on her and focused on calming myself down. I tried to pretend she didn't exist, that I was alone in the unadorned kitchen, looking out the window at the little night sky, staring at the three twinkling stars I could see through the window. Well, as usual, I'm alone. Those lines that I have seen time and time again as I gaze at the little points of light in the night—in my dreams, in my shattered memories, they suddenly arise, strange and unconnected—are A flash passed through my mind. First: a bumpy curve, then a sharp turn to the north, then a sharp turn back in the other direction, a meandering turn to the north, stretching farther, then a sudden dip in the south, where the road becomes smoother, Form another shallow arc. Second: a jagged zig-zag line, four tight turning lines, the fifth point becomes impossibly blunt as if it were snapped off Third: a smooth wavy line, interrupted by an abrupt point The slope was blocked, and the sharp slope was formed by a slender finger-like line thrown northward and then turned back. Incomprehensible, it seemed pointless, but I knew it was something important to Melanie, I knew that from the beginning.She guarded this secret more firmly than any other, second only to the boy, her brother.I didn't know of his existence until the dream I had last night, and I don't know what caused her to reveal the secret.Perhaps as she becomes more ostentatious in my mind, she will reveal more secrets to me. Maybe she'll show her ass, and I'll figure out what those weird lines mean.I know they have meaning, they point somewhere. It was then, with the hunter's jeers still in the air, that I suddenly realized why they were so important. They certainly lead us back to Jared, to Jared and Jamie.Where else?Where else would it be meaningful to her?It was only at this point that I realized it wasn't a replay, because none of them had ever traveled these lines before.Those routes were as much a mystery to her as they were to me, until the walls slowly shut me out.She got distracted, focusing more on the hunter than on me.She tensed in my head after hearing the voice behind me, and for the first time I realized the hunter was approaching me. The hunter sighed: "I expect more from you, your past record seems so promising." "It's a shame you couldn't get yourself out of the mission. I'm sure it wouldn't be a child's trick if you had to deal with a resisting host." I didn't turn to look at her, my voice steady. "Even without a resisting host, the early emotional outbursts are already challenging," she snorted. "Yes, I've been through a few different situations myself." The hunter said dismissively: "Is the eye grass planet difficult to tame? Will they run away?" I kept my voice calm: "I had no trouble at the South Pole. Of course, the North Pole was another matter. Things were handled very poorly, and we lost an entire forest." sadness.A thousand sentient beings, instead of accepting us, closed their eyes.They curl up their leaves in the sun and starve to death. Good for them.Melanie said softly.As she greeted the tragedy I remembered, there was no malice in that thought, only approval. What a waste!I let the pain of this recognition, the feeling that it was going to disappear, rush through my mind, the thought that tore us through the pain of our sister forest. Either way it's death. The hunter spoke, and I could only concentrate on what one of them had to say. "Yes," she said inappropriately, "that kind of capital punishment is bad." "You can never be too careful when it comes to our quotas to wield our power and some people are not as careful as they should be." She didn't answer, and I heard her take a few steps back.Everyone knows that the blunders behind mass suicides belong to the hunters, because the seaweeds cannot escape, and they underestimate their ability to hide.They advance recklessly, and begin building the first settlements before we have sufficient numbers in place for full assimilation.Before they realize what the seagrass is capable of and willing to do, it is too late.The next batch of dormant spirits is still far away, and before their arrival the northern forests are gone. I now face the hunter curiously, judging the impact of what I have said.She was impassive, staring at the bare wall across the room. "I'm sorry I can't help you any further." I said the words firmly, trying to make clear what it meant to send her off, and I was ready to have my room alone again.Ours, Melanie added maliciously.I breathed a sigh of relief that she was only herself now. "I really shouldn't trouble you to run so far." "It's work," said the hunter, shrugging. "You're just my mission. Until I find someone else, I might as well follow you closely, and I hope I'm lucky."