Chapter 10 Chapter Nine Living in Pain

Junhua squinted, trying to pull herself into the past time and space: "His eyes told me that he was in a very excited mood. Things were unexpected, but they were extremely good." I stamped my feet: "He's already telling you that he's starting to betray, but you didn't get it." Junhua stayed for a while, but shook her head resolutely: "No, I only feel happy in his eyes, and I don't feel any conspiracy." I paused again: "Oh! His plot was so successful from the very beginning, even you didn't suspect it, why is he not happy?" Jun Hua looked bewildered: "He has no reason to betray Gan Tiesheng, not the slightest bit."

Bai Su said it very euphemistically: "But in fact, he delivered a false order and stood still, so that Gan Tiesheng and half of the troops who went up the mountain suffered a very tragic fate." Junhua's sigh was very sad: "The half that was not wiped out by the enemy is equally miserable... Hearing the sound of gunfire, the people who sent out to reconnaissance brought back news that made people feel cold hands and feet, but they couldn't find a deputy. Commander, when I decided to lead my troops to fight for my life, the news came that there were already all enemy troops cheering for victory up and down the mountain, and if we attacked again, it would be tantamount to death. One of the deputy commanders committed suicide on the spot. I gritted my teeth and swore that Fang Tiesheng must be taken out, and after I swore, my mouth was full of blood, and the blood came out of nowhere."

After Junhua spoke, her voice trembled. After nearly half a century, she was still so excited, which shows the intensity of the situation at that time. I shook my head: "After Fang Tiesheng delivered the false order, haven't you seen him all this time?" Junhua frowned for a long time before saying: "When there are people, I don't dare to be intimate with him. At most, we just exchanged glances. After he conveyed... a false order, several officers surrounded him While talking, I was not far away from him, and exchanged a few glances. I always felt that he was very excited in his heart. He was young and happy in his heart, and he couldn't hide it in his eyes-I also never believed that a man was doing despicable things. People who conspire will have such pure joy in their eyes."

Bai Su and I looked at each other, but we didn't say anything. Junhua was speaking based on her feelings and feelings, and Bai Su and I were speaking based on the facts, and the facts are: Fang Tiesheng's behavior was out-and-out betrayal. Junhua paused for a moment before saying again: "He was talking to others, but suddenly he raised his voice and said something. I know this is a habit between us. He actually said this to me. Listen, usually, I can understand what he wants to say as soon as I hear it, but this time, I don't quite understand, what he said is: 'We have God's help in this battle, and we won it without fighting.'”

I snorted: "He said irony." Junhua's face twitched a few times: "He said, turned around and walked away. Between us, in order to avoid people's eyes and ears, we acted very carefully and agreed on a lot of secret signals. If he wants me to go out, he will hold his hand." Put it behind his back and put up a finger, but at that time, he was clenched with both hands, so I didn't follow him out immediately. About half an hour after he left, I always felt a little confused and wanted to find him, but I couldn't find him. , When the bad news came, the whole army was looking for him, and only a few soldiers said that they had seen the deputy division commander standing on a prominent stone terrace halfway up the mountain."

When Junhua said this, her expression became very strange: "That Shiping, I went up with him before, it was not easy to go up, and there was nothing to see when we went up, so why did he go? But he is very tall. Zhuangwei, it won't be misunderstood, but he climbed up the stone surface to look for him, but he couldn't be found. Since that... after the tragedy, not only me, but at least half of the remnants wanted him. find out." Bai Su took a slender breath: "But there has been no result?" Jun Hua dejectedly said: "There has been no result - this matter is incredible. Gan Tiesheng, who failed to break through on the mountain, is naturally more or less ominous. Although his body has never been found, there is no hope. But Fang Tiesheng... There is no reason to die in battle, he... fled the battle and hid so well, I believe he is still alive, I don't know where he is hiding."

Junhua's feelings are very complicated. On the one hand, she can't find the reason for Fang Tiesheng's betrayal, and she feels confused. On the other hand, the fact of the betrayal makes her extremely sad. She drank another big sip of wine, and said again: "I also want to know what it's like when Gan Tiesheng is on the mountain, waiting for Fang Tiesheng to lead his troops to attack but can't wait, but there is no result. In the end, one soldier and one soldier were all sacrificed heroically, and there was no one left alive. He didn't know... how sad he felt after being betrayed, he...maybe it was not sweat, but blood that poured out of his forehead bead."

I imagined Gan Tiesheng's situation at that time, but I really couldn't imagine it.For a character as wonderful as Gan Tiesheng, under such circumstances and in such an environment, he was betrayed like this, even if there is no enemy army with several times the strength at the foot of the mountain, it is like a sharp knife to him , pierced his chest, like a sharp nail, nailed into his forehead, and the pain he felt in his heart should be the limit that human beings can bear. If he can't bear the pain at all, and all the brain activities are confused or stopped, like some people who become crazy after receiving a major stimulus, that's fine, the pain is just a flash, and from then on I don't know anything anymore.

But he was obviously not so lucky, because there had been fierce battles to break out of the encirclement. It would have been a blessing if he had died in battle, for the battle lasted only half a day and the pain was not long-lasting.If he escaped alone and survived, if he survived until now, how would he calculate the pain and suffering he suffered? The three of us were obviously thinking about the same problem, which can be seen from our dignified and sad expressions.Of the three, Junhua was the saddest. She covered her face with her hands: "If Gan Tiesheng is still in the world, then... that would be the worst tragedy in the world. Even I often feel that 'life is better than death'. In a word, sometimes it makes sense, if I hadn’t been unwilling to die with doubts in my heart, I would have ended it myself.”

Bai Su sighed: "Sometimes, people suffer a huge spiritual blow and suddenly become enlightened, that's true." Junhua slowly put down her hands: "Then... I'm afraid it won't be ordinary people like us... People like us... are entangled in strange lust, and can't get out of the torment of lust. How can we be enlightened?" I looked at Junhua, and felt sorry for her in my heart. It seemed that in her life, she had no other wish except to find out why the betrayal happened back then. I stood up: "It doesn't make sense. Fang Tiesheng must not have been bribed by the enemy?"

Jun Hua said very resolutely: "No, which army doesn't know the relationship between the two Tie students? Who would not have the brains to try to bribe one Tie student to deal with another Tie student?" I said, "It's possible that Fang Tiesheng took the initiative to find someone to connect with?" Junhua still shook her head: "Even if he told people, they wouldn't believe it. It must be a trick to surrender. In fact, the enemy didn't know that the Iron Army had half its strength and was not on the mountain. Afterwards, the enemy's The two division commanders withdrew from the army on the grounds that their luck was so good in this battle that there is absolutely no possibility of having the same good luck a second time, so what are you waiting for if you don’t withdraw early?” I also took a few sips of wine: "Then, what is the purpose of Fang Tiesheng's betrayal?" Bai Su reached out and held my hand, Jun Hua's lips trembled: "I have been asking for decades, and the only answer... seems to be just... He wants Gan Tie to live and die, he wants Gan Tie to die in great pain .” I stomped hard: "It's even more unreasonable. Why did he want Gan Tie to die? Is the relationship between him and Gan Tiesheng fake?" Jun Hua's expression fell into extreme confusion again: "It's absolutely impossible. Until now, I still prefer to believe that if Gan Tiesheng is in trouble, Fang Tiesheng will sacrifice himself to save him without hesitation." I still want to ask, but Bai Su also said: "In this matter, it is meaningless to keep asking why, because there will be no answer for every question. It is better to study Fang Tiesheng's actions. I think, in the cave, He suddenly wants to leave the cave to have a look, this action must be extremely important." I immediately said: "At that time, he suddenly had a certain feeling, which was very strong, and it can be compared with the two major turning points in his life." Junhua smiled bitterly: "But in fact, there is nothing outside the cave." Bai Su disagreed: "You are too sure. Fang Tiesheng was no longer there when you left the cave. If there is anything outside the cave, he met it, but you didn't." Junhua hesitated for a moment: "At that time, at least outside the cave, there was no sound." Bai Su and I looked at each other, and after we discussed it, we both felt that we had thought of something at that time, but we couldn't grasp the core of the problem. Junhua's expression was very confused: "I have always believed that it is absolutely impossible to be a long-planned betrayal. There must be a sudden and irresistible reason that caused Fang Tiesheng to make that terrible behavior." Bai Su and I remained silent, Junhua couldn't help sighing, and after a while, I said: "If there is such a reason, you must be the first one, or the only one besides him who knows people." Junhua's voice was bitter: "It should be like this, during those few days; he said a lot to me..." This legendary figure who has undergone sex conversion surgery and changed from a male to a female did not feel uncomfortable when she said this. Although she was recounting a homosexual incident back then, her expression was still very Naturally, it was only her voice, which became more and more deep and bewildered: "He told me everything, our relationship at that time... can be said to be the most thorough and naked relationship among human beings. From the soul to the body, and between each other, there is no longer any concealment..." When I heard this, I remembered that Ms. Junhua was still a man back then, and the behavior between them was out-and-out homosexual behavior. Although I don't discriminate against this kind of behavior, it always feels very strange, so I couldn't help it. There was a jolt. Junhua noticed it immediately, she stopped and looked at me: "You don't believe in the relationship between us." I don't like her attitude when she said this, so what she said was not very polite: "Yes, I don't believe it, I just think it is a kind of phenomenon formed by the long-term lack of contact with the opposite sex in the army. ecological behavior." Bai Sulian touched me twice, but I still finished speaking, Junhua's face turned pale all of a sudden, but her expression was still firm: "You look at us with prejudiced eyes, but in fact, the relationship between us The sincerity of relationship is far above that of heterosexuality." I sneered: "Not necessarily, before Fang Tiesheng announced the change of the battle plan, how did you know? There must be a certain thought process for him to make such a decision. He discussed it with you?" As I said, Junhua's demeanor became more and more ugly, and her body trembled as if she was sifting chaff. I ignored Bai Su's wink and continued: "He kept it from you from the beginning to the end. His betrayal was not only aimed at Gan Tiesheng, but also at you, at the same time, at all the officers and soldiers. And you are still talking about the relationship between you. sincere confession of feelings between them?" I spoke very quickly, and at the end, Junhua stretched out her hands, as if trying to block what I said, and when I finished speaking, there was no trace of blood on her face, no matter from which angle you look at it, look at it It doesn't look like a living person, Bai Su looked at me with reproachful eyes, while holding my hand nervously, no one made a sound, even the air seemed to be frozen. After a while, Jun Hua let out a long sigh and shook her head slowly: "Although the facts are so, I still think that it was just an unexpected incident. Yes, he didn't discuss with me, and he hid some things from me, but I believe that he must have a last resort." I sneered again, the other party was Tiesheng.Gan Tiesheng or Junhua, I have no prejudice.But in fact, Fang Tiesheng is a betrayer, and I despise betrayal behavior very much. Naturally, I will not hide my feelings, so I still leave no room for my words: "What is the last resort? I don't see any difficulties. If he is right Mr. Gan has feelings, just like his superficial kung fu, he will die in a big deal, and he will not harm anyone. Have you ever thought that Gan Tiesheng was on the mountain, waiting for Fang Tiesheng to launch an attack, and waiting for the time to wait? What kind of grief is it?" Junhua's ten fingers were intertwined and twisted tightly. It was shocking to see that human fingers could be twisted like this. Bai Su hurriedly said: "It's been so many years, Mr. Gan must have passed away long ago, the pain at that time has naturally disappeared, and it doesn't exist anymore." Although Bai Su's words were vague, there was nothing else to say, but Jun Hua's answer was unexpected: "No, he... didn't die, no one knows how he survived, but I know He's not dead." Bai Su and I looked at each other in astonishment: "How do you know?" Junhua took a deep breath: "Before I decided to write down everything I knew, I revisited the old place once." Both Bai Su and I let out a low cry of "Ah", Junhua has even changed her gender, she has lived in a foreign country for a long time, so naturally she revisited the old place as a citizen of the place where she lived. Junhua's face was a little bloody: "That time, it was a real revisit of the old place, from the small town where I was appointed as the chief of staff of his regiment and reported to the regiment headquarters on the first day, all memories During the process, whether it is combat or deployment, I have been to all the places I have been to, and I have been very warmly received. No one knows my true identity and purpose, but only knows that I am looking for information for writing." This time, even Bai Su became impatient: "That's when you met Gan Tiesheng?" Junhua's voice was low: "No, I haven't seen him, but I know he's not dead." Both Bai Su and I gave her eager, questioning looks.Junhua smiled wryly: "I stayed in front of the No. 7 highland for a long time, and then, of course, I came to the mountain where he led half of his troops back to the mountain. Thin and dry, he lives in seclusion and does not let people find him. The local government has organized search teams many times and went into the mountains to try to find him, but they have been unsuccessful. Maybe no one has seen him for three to five years, but He will suddenly appear again." I said "Hey": "This kind of wild man from the mountains can often be seen even in modern cities. It is not surprising, and it cannot be said that it is Gan Tiesheng." Junhua paused for a moment, her face twitched, and her expression was very painful: "The local villagers also said that every year, there are always five or six nights, this strange person will make a terrible howl, and the people who hear it are afraid again. It's sad again, the day when he howls every year is fixed—” I said "ah": "Is that the day when the battle was going on? The day when he was waiting on the mountain for Fang Tiesheng to talk about the attack?" Jun Hua bit her lower lip tightly and nodded. Bai Su hurriedly asked: "He doesn't want to see you?" Junhua closed her eyes: "When I went to the mountain, it was.... During those few days, that night, I heard his howling. That kind of cry, alas, was really not made by a human. Listen After I died... I really didn't want to live anymore, I ran like crazy and ran all over the mountain, screaming... until my throat was so hoarse that I couldn't make a sound, but he didn't show up." Junhua paused, and then said again: "The villagers said that the howling sound was not made by humans at all, it was made by the ghost of the mountain spirit, but I know that it was him, he did not die, he has been alive In excruciating pain, living in the boundless pain of being betrayed by the person dearest and most loved." Hearing this, I couldn't help but shuddered, because if it was true, it would be too terrifying and cruel.It's hard to imagine what kind of pain Gan Tiesheng has lived in for so many years.It would be fine if he simply lost his mind and turned into a lunatic, ignorant, but judging from the fact that he howls every year on this day, he is clearly sane. Fang Tiesheng's betrayal brought him endless pain. Every minute and every second, the pain gnawed at every nerve and every cell of him. How did he survive?What purpose does he have to live all the time?What is the most regretful thing in his heart?Did he regret thousands of times, tens of thousands of times, that he picked Fang Tiesheng back from the garbage dump?Was he regretting that he called out that warm "little brother" to Fang Tiesheng? Or did he never regret the friendship he gave to Fang Tiesheng, but just wanted to understand that Fang Tiesheng would betray him so completely under such impossible circumstances? There are so many problems, no matter how others speculate, there will be no results. Naturally, he has to be found out—it is very likely that if Gan Tiesheng is found out, even he himself will not be able to explain why. I opened my mouth, and just about to speak, Bai Su had already said first: "In the mountains and fields, due to the wind or animals, there are often some strange noises, could it be your psychological effect, thinking that someone is howling? " Junhua let out a heartbreaking sigh: "Of course he is screaming, his screaming... At the end of every howling, there is always a choking sound from the throat, I am very familiar with this kind of sound. Voice, that time, in the small conference room, he gave me... to Fang Tiesheng... At that time, he also let out a suppressed howl and sobbed like that." I was eager to ask Junhua why she heard Gan Tiesheng's screams, but didn't try to find him out, but Bai Su suddenly said at this moment: "King Solomon is going to cut a baby open during a trial." Come, share it equally among the two women who claim to be the baby's mother, of course you have heard of this story?" I moved my body a little impatiently. Everyone knows the story of King Solomon’s caesarean: two women, A and B, claimed to be the mother of a baby. The LORD God asked for wisdom, so his wisdom was second to none. He said, "There is only one baby, and you two fight over it. So, cut the baby in half, and each of you will take half." Woman A immediately agreed, and woman B was shocked: "I won't argue, let the baby be given to woman A." So, King Solomon immediately knew that the second woman was the real mother of the baby, and no mother would have the heart to cut her child in half. Bai Su suddenly mentioned this story at this time, I didn't understand what she meant, so I gave her a hard look.Bai Su ignored me: "Two iron students, in your heart, it's hard to choose, now you should know who loves you more deeply and deeply?" Junhua's sigh sounded desolate: "It doesn't matter now, when I walked out of the small meeting room, I already knew that Gan Tiesheng loved me more... a person who is willing to sacrifice himself and fulfill his lover's wishes, the love he gave , incomparable...approaching greatness." I couldn't help interjecting: "It's meaningless to discuss that... relationship, why don't you find Gan Tiesheng?" Junhua smiled bitterly: "That mountain stretches for many miles. Although it is a poor mountain and bad water, the mountain is very dangerous. There are many large and small caves, and there are many cliffs. Where is the person?" I snorted: "There is still a way to think about it." Junhua said: "Of course, I used the most direct method. I used a loudspeaker device to speak to the mountain for several days, and asked him to come out to meet me, but since I spoke, his voice has never been heard again." There was no sound, let me scream hoarsely, my heart was broken, and there was no response at all. I also hired more than a hundred people, searched all over the mountains, and drove out all the hares and roe deer in the mountains, and there was no sign of him." She spoke up to this point in one breath, then panted again and again, opened her mouth for a long time before saying: "He...doesn't want to see me, I don't know why, he...doesn't want to see me." Bai Su took a breath: "This is the reason why Gan Tiesheng loves you so much when I mentioned the story of the baby cut-off just now. He didn't want to see you because he didn't forgive you." Junhua stood up abruptly, opened her mouth wide, let out more air than inhaled, and fixed her eyes. After a while, she said: "He... thinks that I... and Fang Tiesheng... conspired to betray?" Bai Su nodded: "I think so, because he has never understood what happened back then."