Chapter 28 Chapter Twenty-Eight

I wrapped my jacket tightly, and I haven't been outside for a long time. The sun shone faintly on my face, and I watched myself exhale a puff of white air. At least one thing I succeeded, I made Pete and his cronies stop seeing me as a threat.But tomorrow, when I go through my own "fear space," I'm going to prove them wrong.Yesterday's failure seemed unbelievable, and today I am a little less confident. I stroked my hair, the urge to cry slowly subsiding, and braided it, tying it with a rubber band around my wrist.For a moment, I felt myself again.All I need is this: to remember who I am and never let insignificant things like boys and near-death experiences get in the way.

I smiled and shook my head, can it really be done? I heard the whistle of the train.The train tracks looped around the Dauntless base and continued into unseen distances.Where do they start?Where does it end?What about the world outside the orbit?I couldn't help walking towards them. I want to go home, but can't.Eric warned us on "Visiting Day" not to get too close to our parents.Going home means betraying the Dauntless, and I can't afford to do that.But Eric didn't say that we can't visit people outside the old faction, and my mother has something important to ask me to go to the Erudite Sect to find Caleb.

I know that you are not allowed to leave the base without supervision, but I can't control that much.I walked faster and faster until I was running.I swung my arms and ran alongside the last car of the train until I grabbed the handle and pulled myself in.The pain all over my body made me cringe involuntarily. Once in the car, I lay down by the door and watched the Dauntless base disappear behind me.I don't want to go back.Opting out and being a non-affiliate would probably be the bravest thing I've ever done.But today I feel like a coward. The gust of wind hit me head-on, wrapping around my fingers.I let my hands hang down on the side of the car, slashing in the wind.I can't go home, but I can go to my family.Caleb is in every memory of my childhood, a part of my past life.

After reaching the center of the city, the train slowed down. I sat up and watched the originally small buildings gradually become bigger and bigger.The Erudite Headquarters is in a large stone building overlooking the swamp.I grabbed the car handle and leaned out to see where the tracks were going.They first descend to street level, then meander all the way east.I breathed in the damp smell of the street and swamp. The train started to go down, and the speed slowed down, so I took the opportunity to jump out of the car.Because of the collision when I landed, my legs trembled a little, and I ran forward a few steps before regaining my balance.I walked in the middle of the street, turned south, and headed towards the swamp.As far as the eye could see was empty land, and a brown plane was heading towards the horizon.

I turned left, and the building of the Erudite Headquarters was ahead, dark and unfamiliar.How can I find Caleb here? It is in the nature of learned men to record everything.They must also have records for freshmen.Some people have rights to these records, just find them out.I glanced at the building.Logically, the central building should be the most important.Then I'll start with this building. Members of the School of Erudition were walking around.Their school rules stipulate that polymaths wear at least one piece of blue clothing at a time, because blue causes the body to release a calming chemical. According to their words: "A calm mind leads to a clear mind." ’” Blue also represented their faction.Now for me, the blue is kind of uncannily bright.Because I have been used to dim lights and dark clothes since I was a child.

I would have thought of dodging people's elbows and walking silently through the crowd saying "excuse me" under my breath, but that didn't seem necessary.The experience of the Dauntless faction made me particularly attractive. The crowd automatically made a way for me, and when I passed by, countless eyes were cast on me.I reached up and ripped the elastic off my braid, shook my head to let the hair loose, and walked through the door. Standing at the entrance, I looked up and surveyed the place.The room was large and quiet, with the smell of dusty book pages in the air.The wooden floor creaked underfoot, and the walls on either side of me were filled with bookshelves, but they looked more like decorations, because the desks in the center of the room were filled with computers, and people were staring at screens, engrossed, and no one was reading. .

I should have expected that the main building of the Erudite School would be a library.A portrait on the opposite wall caught my attention.It was about twice as tall and four times as wide as mine, and it depicted an attractive woman with water-clear gray eyes and a pair of glasses.It's Jeanine.When I saw her, I felt a rush in my throat, because she was the representative of the polymath, the one who posted articles disparaging my father.I've disliked her since the day my father complained about her at the dinner table, but now that "dislike" has turned into "hate".

There is a large plaque under the portrait, with a few large characters written on it: knowledge leads to success. success.To me, success is a pejorative term used by altruists to describe self-indulgence. How did Caleb choose to be one of them?Everything they did and wanted was wrong, but that was probably how he saw the Dauntless as well. I went to the table under the portrait of Jeanine, and a young man was sitting behind the table, and without looking up, he said, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "I'm looking for someone, his name is Caleb, do you know where I can find him?"

"I can't disclose personal information." He said gently, poking at the screen in front of him. "He's my brother." "I can not……" Before he finished speaking, I slammed the table in front of me, and he woke up suddenly, staring at me through thick glasses, and turned his head in my direction. "I said." My voice was concise and powerful, "I'm looking for someone, he's a freshman, can you at least tell me where to find him." "Beatrice?" a voice came from behind me. I turned around and saw Caleb behind me with a book in his hand.His hair is long and sticks up over his ears, and he wears a pair of rectangular glasses and a blue T-shirt.Even though he looked changed and I was forbidden to love him anymore, I rushed over as fast as I could and put my arms around his shoulders.

"You have a tattoo." His voice was a little vague. "You wear glasses." I said, stepping back a little, squinting my eyes, "You have very good eyesight, Caleb, why are you wearing glasses?" "Hmm..." He looked around at the tables, "Come on, let's go out and talk." We walked out of the building and across the street, and I kept up with him at a trot.Opposite the Erudite headquarters, in what used to be a park, now known as Millennium Park, is a bare lot with a few rusty metal sculptures—one is an abstract gilded mammoth; the other resembles a Lima Beans are so big that I'm like a dwarf.

We stopped at the concrete floor surrounding the metal lima beans, where learned men sat in twos and threes with books or newspapers.Caleb took off his eyes, put them in his pocket, and smoothed his hair with his hands, avoiding me with unease in his eyes, as if embarrassed.Maybe that's how I should be: I've got tattoos, my hair loose, and tights.But I don't feel that way at all. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "I miss home, and you are the person I can think of who has the closest relationship with home." He pursed his lips tightly. "You seem very unhappy to see me." I added. "Please," he put his hands on my shoulders, "it's too late for me to be happy to see you again, okay? It's just that this is against the rules, isn't there a rule?" "I don't care, I don't care, okay?" "Maybe you should obey the rules." His voice was very gentle, but he had a dissatisfied expression on his face. "If it were me, I wouldn't provoke your faction." "What does that mean?" I asked. This is a bit of a knowing question.He regards the Dauntless as the most brutal of the five factions. "I just don't want you to be hurt, and you don't need to be so angry with me," he said, tilting his head, "what's wrong with you here?" "It's okay, nothing." I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck with my hands.Even if I could tell him everything, I don't want to do it, I don't even want to think about it. "Do you think..." He looked down at his shoes, "Do you think you made the right choice?" "There's no right choice at all, what do you think?" I said. Caleb looked around.People passing by stared at us, his eyes avoiding their faces.He was still nervous, probably not because of his appearance, and not because of me, but because of them.I grabbed his arm and dragged him under the arch of the lima bean sculpture.We walked under the hollow pods, and I saw my reflections everywhere, distorted by the curvature of the walls, battered with rust patches and grime. "What's the matter?" I folded my hands on my chest, but I didn't notice the dark circles under his eyes before. "What's wrong?" Caleb pressed his hand against the metal wall.His reflection had a small head, sunken in on one side, and his arms looked bent back, while mine was short and fat. "Something is going to happen, Beatrice, I always feel that something is not right." He widened his eyes, his eyes were a little dull, "I don't know what it is, but the people here are busy and talk softly Whispers, and Jeanine gives speeches almost every day, all about how corrupt Altruism has been." "Do you believe what she says?" "No, maybe, I don't know..." He shook his head, "I don't know what to believe." "No, of course you know." I said firmly, "You know the character of your parents and your friends. Do you think Susan's father may be corrupt?" "How much am I going to know? How much are they allowing me to know? We're not allowed to ask questions, Beatrice, we're not allowed to know anything! But here..." He looked up, at the oval mirror above his head In it, I see our tiny reflections, only the size of a fingernail.I think that's what we really are, as small as we really are. "Here, information is free, there are no restrictions, and you can get it anytime," he continued. "It's not the honesty here, it's full of hypocrites and big liars, Caleb. Some people are so smart they know how to manipulate you." "If it's really being manipulated, do you think I won't notice it?" "If they're as smart as you think they are, you won't know it. I don't think you will." "You have no idea what you're talking about." He shook his head. "Yeah, how could I know what a corrupt faction looks like, I was just trained to be a fearless man, God!" I said, "At least I know where I belong, Caleb, and you choose Ignoring what we all know. Those people are arrogant and greedy, and you're not going to end up with them." "I think you can go, Beatrice." His voice suddenly hardened. "I can't wait to go," I said. "Oh, I guess you don't think it's important, but Mom told me to tell you to check out the situational serum." "Have you met her?" He seemed hurt, "Then why didn't she..." "Because," I said, "the Erudites don't let the Disinterested into their precinct anymore. Why, don't you know?" I pushed him away, angrily leaving this place of caves of mirrors and sculptures and walking down the sidewalk.I really shouldn't leave rashly. The Dauntless base sounds like my home now. At least in that place, I know exactly where I stand, even if the road ahead is full of bumps. The sidewalk was thinning out, and I looked up to see what was going on.A few meters ahead, two learned men stood there with their arms folded. "Excuse me," one of them said, "you have to come with us." A man followed me so closely that I could even feel his breath on the back of my head.Another person led me into the library, through three corridors, to the elevator.When I came out of the library, the floor was no longer covered with wooden floors, but white tiles, and the walls were like the ceiling of the personality test room, shining with light. This light was refracted from the silver elevator door, and I had to squint to see clearly . I tried to keep my composure, thinking about something I learned in Dauntless training: What do you do if someone attacks you from behind?I picture myself throwing my elbow back hard, hitting my attacker in the stomach or groin, and running away.And I would really like to have a gun.It’s all Dauntless thinking, but it’s now internalized into my own. What should you do if you are attacked by two people at the same time?I followed the man through an empty, bright hallway and into an office.All four walls of the interior are glass - I guess I know who designed our school. A woman sits behind a metal desk.I stare at her face.This is the face that controls the Erudite library, and it is the face that is emblazoned on every article that Erudite distributes.How long have I hated this face?Can not remember. "Sit," said Jeanine.Her voice was familiar, especially when mixed with anger.Her watery gray eyes looked straight into mine. "I'd rather stand." "Sit," she said again.I must have heard that sound before. I remembered!I heard it in the hallway of the base pit, it was the voice speaking to Eric, just before I was attacked.I also heard her mention "divergents".And before that, I also heard this voice... "That voice in the simulation is yours," I said. "I mean the personality test." She was what Tori and Mother had called a danger, a threat to those who disagreed, and she was sitting in front of me. "That's right. The personality test is by far my greatest achievement as a scientist," she replied. "I've seen your test results, Beatrice. There's clearly something wrong with your test. It wasn't recorded, so your Results also had to be entered manually. Did you know about that?" "have no idea." "The test result is selfless, but transferred to fearless, there are two such people, you are one of them, do you know?" "I don't know." I suppressed my shock.Are Tobias and I the only two?But his result was real and mine was a lie.So it's really just him. Thinking of him, my heart sank.Now I don't care how different he is.He even yelled at me "that's pathetic". "Why did you choose Dauntless?" she asked. "What does that have to do with these things?" I tried to soften my voice, but it didn't work, "Aren't you going to reprimand me for leaving my own faction to find my brother? 'Affiliation is more important than blood', right? ?” I breathed a sigh of relief and continued, “Think about it, first of all, why am I in your office? Aren’t you a very important person?” I hope that speaks to her dignity. She pursed her lips: "I'll leave the reprimand to the Fearless faction." She leaned back on the chair as she spoke. I put my hand on the back of the chair where I wasn't sitting, and clenched my fingers tightly.Behind her is a window overlooking the city, and in the distance a train is slowly turning. "As for why you're here... one of the traits of our faction is curiosity," she said, "and researching your records, I found another error in another of your simulations. Again, the results It's not recorded. You always know this, right?" "How did you access my records? Only the Dauntless have that power." "Because the Erudites invented situational simulations, we have a... agreement with the Dauntless." She tilted her head and looked at me with a smile. glitch, I need to make sure it doesn't continue to fail. Do you understand?" I just understood one thing: she was lying to me.She didn't care about technical performance at all, she just suspected that my test results were wrong.Like the leader of the Dauntless, she smells of Divergent.Besides, my mother wanted Caleb to work on the situational simulation serum, probably because it was invented by Jeanine. I have the ability to manipulate situational simulations, is this so threatening?Why is this matter so important to the representatives of the learned school, and so important to everyone else? I am puzzled by these two questions.But the way she looked at me reminded me of the aggressive dog on the personality test, which had the same look—an evil and predatory gaze.It looked like she was trying to tear me to pieces.Now I must not give in or surrender. To deal with the vicious dog, I will also become a "vicious dog". But my heart was in my throat. "I don't know how they work," I said, "but the fluid I'm injecting makes me sick to my stomach and I want to throw up every time, maybe the operator got a little distracted because he was afraid I'd spit it out, so he forgot to record it. Personality After the test, I'm still not feeling well." "Is your stomach always this sensitive, Beatrice?" Her voice was sharp as a razor's edge.As she spoke, she tapped on the glass table top with her manicured fingers. "It's been like this since I was a child." I replied as calmly as possible.I let go of the back of the chair, walked around it, and sat down.At this moment, I must not show the slightest nervousness, even though I feel that my heart has been overwhelmed. "You went extremely well on the situational simulation test, tell me, how did you do it with such ease?" she asked. "I have courage." I gazed into her eyes.Other factions have stereotypes about Dauntless: arrogant, aggressive, impulsive, arrogant.She should behave as she expects——I giggled and said, "I'm the best freshman in the Fearless Sect." I leaned forward a little, balancing on my elbows on my knees, and had to be a bit more thorough to be convincing. "You want to know why I chose Dauntless?" I asked myself and answered, "It's simple, I'm bored to death." Thoroughly, radically, "I'm tired of being an honest little good guy and I want relief." "Don't you miss your parents?" she asked me subtly. "Do you miss being scolded for looking in the mirror, or being told to shut up at the dinner table?" I shook my head. "No. I don't miss them. They're not my family anymore." As soon as the lie was uttered, my throat burned, maybe it was the tears I held back.I see my mother standing behind me with a comb and scissors, smiling as she trims my hair.I'd rather yell than humiliate her like this. "Can I take this to mean..." Zhenning pouted and paused before finishing her words, "...to understand that you agree with those articles about important government officials?" Articles that portray my family as corrupt, power hungry, preachy dictators?Articles that carry subtle threats and hints of revolution between the lines?Thinking about them makes me sick.Knowing that she is the one posting these articles, I even have an urge to strangle her. A smile spreads across my face. "I wholeheartedly agree." One of Jeanine's entourages was a guy in a blue-collar T-shirt and dark glasses who drove me back to the Dauntless base in a shiny silver sedan like I'd never seen before.The car's engine is completely silent.Curiously, I asked the man why, and he told me that the car was powered by solar energy, and began to explain at length how the panels on the roof convert solar energy into kinetic energy.I just listened to it for about a minute, then turned to look out the window. After I go back, I don't know what they will do with me. I guess there will be no good results.I imagine myself hanging above the Grand Canyon, life and death, and I can't help biting my lip. When the driver pulled over to the glass building above the pit of the Dauntless base, Eric was waiting for me at the door.Without even saying "thank you" to the driver, he grabbed my arm and strode into the building.He pinches his fingers so hard that he fears a bruise this time. Standing between me and the door leading inside, he stopped and started snapping his knuckles.Apart from this, he was barely moving. I couldn't help shivering. Apart from my own gasping more and more quickly, all I could hear was the faint crackling of his fingers.After breaking off his fingers, he crossed his fingers in front of him. "Tracey, welcome back." "Eric." He walked towards me, stepping carefully. "You..." his first word was whispered, "what the hell," he went on, raising his voice this time, "what were you thinking?" "I..." His face was so close I could see all the piercings on his face, "I don't know." "Tracey, I can't help but call you a traitor, haven't you heard the saying 'affiliation is more important than blood'?" I've seen Eric do a lot of horrible things, and I've heard him say a lot of horrible things, but I've never seen him like this.He no longer acts like a lunatic, he is completely in control, completely calm.Be careful and calm. For the first time, I got to know Eric's true colors: an erudite masquerading as a fearless faction; a genius and a sadist; I want to run away quickly. "Are you dissatisfied with the life of the fearless faction? Do you regret the choice you made?" His two eyebrows covered with metal rings were all raised upwards, and a deep wrinkle was squeezed out on his forehead, "I want to hear Listen to your explanation, why did you betray the Fearless faction, yourself, and me..." He patted his chest, "...Why did you risk breaking into the headquarters of other factions?" "I..." I took a deep breath.If he knew that I was a "divergent", he would definitely kill me, I could feel it.His hands clenched into fists.Here alone, if something happens to me, no one knows, no one sees. "If you can't explain," he said softly, "I'll have to reconsider your ranking. Since you're so obsessed with your original faction... Or, I'll have to reconsider the rankings of your friends. Maybe The selfless little girl in you is going to take this seriously." My first thought was that he couldn't do it, that would be unfair, but then of course he would, he wouldn't hesitate to do it.And he's right, my heart aches with fear at the thought of someone else being kicked out of Dauntless for my reckless actions. I tried to speak again: "I..." But I still felt suffocated. Just then, the door opened and Tobias walked in. "What are you doing?" he said to Eric. "Get out." Eric yelled, his voice loud, and the dull tone was swept away.It sounds more like the Eric I know now.His expression changed too, richer and more alive.I stared at him, marveling at how easily he could change, what a skill it took. "No," Tobias said, "she's just a silly girl, there's no need to trouble you to drag her here and interrogate her." "It's just a silly girl." Eric snorted very disdainfully, "If she was just a silly girl, she wouldn't be ranked first. How can she be called stupid now?" Tobias pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at me through his fingers.He's trying to tell me something.My mind was spinning rapidly.What advice has he given me recently? Even if I want to break my head, I can only think of one thing: showing weakness. This trick has worked before. "I... I just feel a little ashamed and don't know what to do." I put my hands in my pockets, looked at the ground, and then pinched my thigh hard, tears streaming down my face.Looking up at Eric, I sniffed, "I think... I..." and shook my head again. "What do you want?" Eric asked. "She wanted to kiss me," Tobias continued. "I said no, and she ran off like a five-year-old. There's nothing wrong with her other than being a bit stupid." We all waited quietly. Eric looked at me, then at Tobias, and burst out laughing, too loudly and for too long—the sound was evil, it gritted my ears like sandpaper. "Isn't he too old for you, Triss?" I wiped my face, pretending to be wronged and wiped my tears. "Can I go now?" "Okay," Eric said, "but you are not allowed to leave the base for half a step without supervision, you hear?" He turned to Tobias again, "And you... better make sure Don't let any of these transfer freshmen leave the base, and don't make the girls want to kiss you anymore." Tobias rolled his eyes and said, "Okay." I left there and went outside again, shaking my hands, trying to get rid of the nervousness.I sat on the edge of the sidewalk with my hands on my knees. I don't know how long I sat here, I just lowered my head and closed my eyes until the door opened again.After what seemed like twenty minutes, what seemed like an hour, Tobias walked towards me. I stood up, arms folded, ready to be scolded by him.I slapped him in front of so many people, and got myself and the Dauntless in trouble—a reprimand for sure. "What's wrong?" I said. "Are you okay?" He frowned, with a vertical line between his brows.He stretched out his hand to gently touch my face, but I knocked his hand away. "Great. First a slap in front of the crowd, then a bad conversation with a woman who wants to destroy the old school, and Eric almost kicking my friend out of Dauntless. So, what a day today Good day, fourth child." He shook his head, looking at the crumbling building to his right, a brick building that was out of place with the glass spire behind me.It must be very old, there are no brick buildings now. "Will you care? You can either be your brutal mentor, or be my gentle boyfriend." When the word "boyfriend" blurted out, I suddenly became nervous.I didn't mean to say it lightly, but it was too late, "You can't play two roles at the same time." "It's not that I'm cruel." He looked at me angrily. "I did that in the morning to protect you. If Pete and his cronies found me and you...how do you think they would react?" He sighed , "You'll never win that way. They'll think your ranking is based on my favour, not your skills." I wanted to open my mouth to refute, but couldn't.A few hurtful words popped up in my mind, and I gave up again.What he said was very reasonable, my face was burning hot, and I hurriedly used my hands to cool down. "But you don't have to humiliate me to prove something to them." Finally, I finally said a word. "Just because I hurt you, you don't have to go to the Erudite to find your brother." He scratched the back of his neck and continued, "Plus—it does work, doesn't it?" "I'm the one paying the price." "I didn't expect it to have such an impact on you." He lowered his head and shrugged. "Sometimes I forget that I will hurt you. It turns out that you will be hurt too." With my hands in my pockets, my heels on the ground, and my upper body thrown back, a strange feeling ran through my body—a sweet, painful feeling of weakness.He did that only because he believed in my abilities. In the family, the most capable person is Caleb.Because he can forget himself, because all the dispositions expected by his parents are naturally revealed in him.No one has ever recognized my ability so much. I stood on tiptoe, threw my head back, and kissed him.Just touched his lips lightly. "You know? You're really good at it," I said, shaking my head. "You always know what to do." "It's just because I've been thinking about it for a long time." He gave me a brisk kiss, "If I and you...how can we handle it..." He stepped back and said with a smile, "Tracey, I just seemed to be I heard you call me 'boyfriend', right?" "No wonder." I shrugged. "Why? You think so?" He slid his hands down my neck, put two thumbs on my chin, and lifted my head up slightly so that his forehead was pressed against mine.For a moment he stood there with his eyes closed, breathing my breath.I felt the pulse of his fingertips, the rapidity of his breathing.He looked very nervous. Finally he said, "Yes." Then the smile faded, "Do you think we convinced Eric that you're a silly girl?" "Let's hope so," I said. "Sometimes it's useful to be petite, but I don't think they're convinced by the Erudite side." The corner of his mouth curled down, and he gave me a serious look: "There is something I have to tell you." "What's up?" "I can't say it now." He looked around. "Come back here to meet me at 11:30, see you soon. Don't tell anyone where you are going." I nod.He turned around and left like a gust of wind, just like when he came. "Where have you been all day?" Christina asked once I got back to the dorm.The dormitory was empty, everyone else must have gone to dinner. "I've been looking for you outside, but I can't find you. Are you all right? Didn't you get into trouble for beating your fourth child?" I shake my head.Just thinking about telling her the truth about where I was going was exhausting.How do I explain my impulsive jumping on the train to find my brother?And how to explain Eric's extremely calm tone when he interrogated me?And I hit Tobias in an emotional outburst. Why was it in the first place? "I just went out for a walk and walked aimlessly for a long time." I said, "Oh, and I didn't get in trouble. He yelled at me and I apologized...that's it. " As I spoke, I carefully kept my eyes on her, keeping my hands steady at my sides. "That's good. I have something important to tell you." She turned her head to look at the door vigilantly, then stood on tiptoe to look at all the upper bunks—maybe to make sure they were all empty, and then put her hands on my shoulders. "Can you be a girl again?" "I am." I frowned. "You know what I mean, like the silly, annoying girls." I wrapped a strand of hair around my finger: "OK." She grinned, and I could see her back teeth. "Will kissed me." "What?" I exclaimed. "When? What happened? How did it happen?" "You really have the potential to be a girl." She straightened up and took her hands away from my shoulders, "Well, after your little episode happened, we had lunch and walked near the train tracks... I don't even remember what was said. Then he stopped suddenly, leaned slightly towards me, and...kissed me." "Did you know he liked you before?" I said, "I mean like that." "Don't know!" She laughed a few times. "The best part is, we just do that and keep walking and talking like nothing happened...well, until I couldn't resist kissing him." "How long have you known you've been interested in him?" "I don't know, I guess I didn't see it. But in retrospect, the little things along the way... like when he put his arm around me at Al's funeral, and how he never saw me as someone who would push him out of fear Instead, they treated me like a girl and opened the door for me in a very gentlemanly way." I laughed out loud and suddenly wanted to tell her about Tobias and everything that had happened between us.But Tobias' reason for wanting me to pretend we weren't together gave me pause.I don't want her to think my ranking is because of my relationship with him. So I just said, "I'm so happy for you." "Thanks," she said, "I'm glad too. I didn't think I'd feel that way so soon..." She sat on the edge of my bed, scanning everything in the dormitory.Some freshmen have already packed their things.Before long, we'll be moving to apartments on the other side of the base, and the people who work in the government will be moving to the glass building above the pit.That's good, I don't have to worry about Pete attacking me in my sleep every day, and I don't have to look at Al's empty bed and feel depressed. "Time flies, I can't believe the ordeal is coming to an end," Christina said. "I always feel like we just got here, but it's like... and it's been a long, long time since I saw my family." "Are you homesick?" I leaned over the bed frame. "Well, homesick." She shrugged. "But some things haven't changed. I mean, people talk as loudly there as they do here. That's a good thing. But it's still easier to live there. You always know where you stand with people,因为他们会告诉你。那里不存在……操控手段。” I nodded.无私派倒是让我在无畏派生活的某些方面做足了准备，无私派不会操控别人，当然也不会这般坦白直率。 “但是，我觉得自己肯定没法通过诚实派的考验。”她摇了摇头，“在那里，不用情境模拟，但是会经历测谎测试。从早到晚，每天都有。还有最终考核……”她皱了皱鼻子，“他们会给你用一种他们称为吐真血清的东西，要你坐在众人面前，然后问你一大堆私人问题。背后的理论好像是，既然你吐露了所有秘密，以后就再也不想说谎了。就像你最糟糕的一面都公开了，为什么还不保持诚实？” 不知从何时起，我内心竟累积起如此之多的秘密：成为分歧者；恐惧；对朋友、家人、艾尔与托比亚斯的真实看法，等等。诚实派考验会触及甚至连情境模拟都触碰不到的东西。它甚至可以毁了我。 我嘴里蹦出了四个字：“这么可怕！” “从小我就觉得自己做不成诚实派。我是说，我也想当个诚实的人，可有些事你就是不想让别人知道。再加上，我还想做自己思想的主人呢。” 谁不是呢？ “管它呢。”她说着便打开床铺左边的衣柜。当她拉开门时，一只蛾子突然飞了出来，扑腾着满是白粉的翅膀朝克里斯蒂娜脸上飞去。她尖叫得那么大声，我猛地一惊，拍打着她的脸。 “快弄掉，弄掉它，弄掉它！”她尖叫着。 蛾子拍翅飞走了。 “飞走啦。”我说，然后大笑起来，“你害怕……飞蛾？” “它们多恶心啊。看它那纸一样的翅膀，还有虫子一样蠢胖的身体。”她浑身发抖。 我笑个不停，笑得太厉害了，不得不坐下来，捧着肚子。 “我觉得一点也不好笑！”她生气地说，“嗯……好吧。也许很好笑，有那么一丁点吧。” 那天晚上很晚的时候，我找到了托比亚斯，他什么话也没说，只是抓起我的胳膊，拉着我就朝火车轨道走去。 一辆火车慢慢悠悠地开过来，他纵身跃进一节车厢，之后把我也拉上去。我没站稳，一下跌倒在他身上，脸颊撞到他的胸膛。火车在轨道上颠簸前行，他的双手顺着我的胳膊慢慢滑下，紧紧抓住我的肘弯。我看着无畏派基地深坑上方的玻璃大楼在身后渐渐变小。 “你到底想要和我说什么？”我顶着大风的呼号喊道。 “一会儿再告诉你。” 他蹲了下去，把我也拉了下去。他背靠着车厢壁坐下，我面对着他，双腿在满是灰尘的地面上伸开。风吹散了我的头发，发丝在脸上飘来拂去。他双手捧着我的脸，食指滑向我的耳后，拉着我向前，让我的嘴唇贴上他的嘴唇。 伴随着铁轨尖厉刺耳的声音，火车慢了下来，这就意味着快到市中心了。空气很冷，可他的嘴唇很暖，他的手也是。他侧过头，嘴唇在我下巴下方的肌肤上游走。我长长叹了一口气，不过我很高兴风声这么大，这样他便听不到我的叹息。 火车一阵摇晃，我失去了平衡，慌忙放下手稳住自己。刹那之后，我才意识到自己的手扶在了他的臀部，他的骨头顶着我的手掌，我应该拿开手，可是我不想这么做。他曾告诉我要勇敢。就算飞刀旋转着飞向我的脸，我也可以一动不动；从高高的天台上跳下来——在这些生命中极短的瞬间，我从未想过需要勇气。而现在我的确需要。 我挪了一下，一条腿摆过他的身体，坐在他身上。心提到了嗓子眼儿，可我还是鼓足勇气吻了他。他挺了挺腰板，我感觉到他的手放在我肩上，手指慢慢滑过我的脊骨，一阵颤动随着他的手指传到我的腰上。他把我外套的拉链拉下十来厘米，我把双手使劲按在大腿上，才不抖得那么厉害。我不该这么紧张。他是托比亚斯啊。 寒意逼人的空气穿透我裸露的肌肤。他松开手，往后退了一下，仔细看着我锁骨上的文身。他的手指轻轻抚过它们，露出了微笑。 “鸟。”他说，“这是乌鸦吗？我一直忘了问。” 我试着回应他的微笑：“渡鸦。每只代表我所抛弃的家人。你喜欢它们吗？” 他没有回答，只是把我拉得更近，依次亲吻了每只渡鸦。I closed my eyes.他的触碰那么轻柔又那么灵敏。一阵浑厚温暖的感觉，就像洒落的蜂蜜，充满我的身体，思绪也迟缓起来。他又触摸着我的脸颊。 “我很不想这么说，”他说，“但是现在我们得站起来了。” 我点点头，睁开眼睛，我们一同站了起来。他拉着我走向车厢门口。由于火车减速，风也不那么强劲了。时间已过午夜，街上所有的灯都暗了下来。当那些建筑从黑暗中浮现，又再次没入黑暗，就好像巨大的猛犸来了。托比亚斯抬手指了指一群建筑，离得那么远，看起来只有指甲般大小。在围绕我们的无尽黑暗中，它们是唯一闪烁着光亮的地方。又是那里，博学派总部。 “城市条例对他们来说显然不算什么，”他说，“因为他们的灯整夜亮着。” “没人注意吗？”我皱了下眉头。 “我敢说肯定有，但他们没做任何事来阻止这一切，可能不想因为这么小的事而惹来麻烦。”托比亚斯耸了耸肩，他紧绷着的脸让我非常忧虑，“这让我非常想知道他们在搞什么，竟然彻夜需要灯火。” 他转向我，倚在墙上。 “关于我，有两件事你需要知道。第一，通常我对人有很深的怀疑，”他说，“对人做最坏的揣测是我的天性。第二，我是电脑高手。” I nod.他说过自己的另一个职务是处理电脑事务，但我还是很难想象出他整天坐在电脑前的样子。 “几周以前，那时你们还没开始训练，我在上班时发现一个路径，可以通往无畏派的机密文件。很显然，在安全方面，我们不如博学派的技术高明。”他说，“我发现的文件看起来像是一份作战计划，里面有清晰的指令、供给清单、地图，诸如此类的东西。那些文件好像是博学派发来的。” “作战？”我拂开贴在脸上的碎发。从小到大都听父亲骂博学派，这让我对他们心存警惕，而在无畏派基地的经验又让我对权力、还有人，也心存警惕。所以听到某个派别正在策划战争，我一点都不觉得震惊。 还有迦勒早些时候说的话：“出大事了，碧翠丝。”我抬头看着托比亚斯。 “对无私派发动战争？” 他抓过我的手，手指和我的手指交握在一起：“没错，要向管理政府的派别宣战。” 我的心沉了下去。 “博学派发表的所有文章都是想煽动人们反对无私派。”他说着，眼睛望向火车那边的城市，“很显然，博学派现在想加快进程。我不知道该怎么做……或者是能做些什么……” “可是，博学派为什么要联合无畏派？”我问道。 话一出口，我就恍然大悟，好像有什么东西击中了五脏六腑，还在里面啃噬着我。博学派没有武器，而且他们不懂得怎么作战——无畏派懂。 我瞪大眼惊恐地望着托比亚斯。 “他们要利用我们。”我说。 “我想知道他们打算怎么让我们参战。”他说。 我告诉过迦勒，博学派善于操控他人。或许，他们会用错误的信息强迫我们中的一些人参战，或者勾起人们的贪婪——方法多得很。可转念一想，博学派行事谨慎，应该不会冒险行事。他们会确保所有的弱点都被强化。但用什么方法呢？ 风又把头发吹散在脸上，把我的视线分割开来，我只听任它去。 “我也没想通。”